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Rebbe Nachman didn’t come to make us “more religious.” He came to make us more real.
Rav Shlomo Katz opens the “treasure chest” of Rebbe Nachman’s Torah — teachings that heal the inner storm, settle the mind (yishuv hadaas), and draw down peace and truth into our homes, our relationships, and our own hearts.
Okay, chodesh tov, chodesh of like we just said, יהא החודש הזה סוף וקץ לכל צרותינו תחלה וראש לפדיון נפשנו for all of Klal Yisrael b'ezrat Hashem. Today, the month of Nissan, baruch Hashem, a new month of learning is sponsored anonymously in honor of all the open miracles that we're seeing daily by the Silver family l'iluy nishmat בת יפה בת ישראל, and by the Kraman Miller families l'iluy nishmat ריזל בת רב דוד דב, רב יצחק אריה בן נחום, רב עזריאל בן רב יוסף טוביה, נחא בת אפרים זלמן ורחל. The week is sponsored by the Edelmann family in memory of Zvi's father Asher ben Pesach, and today specifically is sponsored by Susan Katz, closest thing I have to a second mom, for the refuah shleimah of her brother who's having surgery today, רפאל מרדכי בן לאה who has one of the sweetest voices the world ever heard. Today, as we all know and we mentioned last night, is the birthday of Rebbe Nachman and what's amazing about the times we're living in is that we, you know, I can't imagine there were hospitals back then so we know the house that he was born in.
So it just puts the imagery helps so much when you know like the exact location of where this tzaddik came out into the world and it's the place, it's the structure that's right outside the shul, the famous shul of the Baal Shem Tov. And it's I don't know how we can do the calculation if he's born in 1772 so how many years ago, what number birthday is this? Anyone have one of those brains? I don't. No, it's 226 plus 28. 254? 254th birthday.
Okay, that's good, that works. I trust you, Marilyn. No, no, it's okay, it's okay. The birthday of the, we always say that a yahrtzeit is the day that we celebrate the reunification of the soul going back into up in mekor machtzavtam to their source, but the birthday of a tzaddik which isn't, we make more about yahrtzeits than we do about birthdays, but birthday is a very big thing because it's the day, the anniversary of the day on our calendars where Hashem decided to have infinite rachmanus on Am Yisrael.
That's how I look at it. That it's this day that Hashem decided that there's going to be a light of all lights that's going to shine forever עד ביאת גואל צדק and even after, where we have a chibur, that we have access to this is משהו משהו מכל העולם. So it's already late and there's so much already trickling down every single moment that we're experiencing, this like the first sponsorship was nissim gluyim. Today I wanted to do something a little bit different than what we usually do from the same texts from the Rebbe inside.
Here, pass these around. But what I wanted to do today is read from you something that I very much connect to, that really touched my heart. There should be enough for everyone. You got, yeah, you got.
As we've learned many times the teachings of רב ארז משה דורון explaining, giving over Rebbe Nachman in a very intimate way, very personal way. The text you have in front of you today is a very personal, I don't know if you'd want to call it a confession, but it's a description of what happens to a person when they are fully, fully, fully immersed in the world, the light, and the eitza of the tzaddik, of Rebbe Nachman. What it'll also explain to us is when we're going inside this is the difference between how someone that's from the outside understands the concept of hitkashrut which means connection to the tzaddik, that can get, when you don't understand it inside and you hear it from the outside it could be very, very confusing. I remember about 10 years ago there was a group of chevra from the neighborhood that they just, they couldn't, till today they just can't, they can't buy into the whole thing of chassidus.
They just can't. But, but we love each other and they really wanted, they really wanted to. So for a few, I don't know how I don't remember how long it lasted because it was absolutely torturous, we would get together after- Shacharis back in the old place for like half an hour, 45 minutes once a week. And I saw like I was trying to give over some basics of Chassidus, and everything was fine besides the nekuda of the hiskashrus to the tzadik.
That was the machsom. Like that, they they couldn't get through that. They they just couldn't, they could not go into it. And I would always say to them, I'd always ask them: "Did you just daven Shacharis today?" they'd say "Of course." I said: "Well, did you skip over one of the psukim that you that said right before Az Yashir?" they're like "What do you mean?" I said: "There was a pasuk that you all said this morning: ויאמינו בה' ובמשה עבדו." That means that Am Yisrael believed in Hashem, but they also believed in Hashem's shliach, in Moshe avdo.
For a chassid, the rebbe is Moshe avdo. For a real chassid, their dveykus to their tzadik is ויאמינו בה' ובמשה עבדו. It's true about all real, real chassidim that have this emuna in the tzadik, not emuna in the tzadik that the tzadik runs the world the way that we understand Hashem runs the world, but the emuna that the tzadik thought about them, that the tzadik gave their life, doesn't matter how many years before, for our neshamos to get nourished from what's needed and what this and what this tzadik wanted to give to the world and what he believed the world needed. And bifrat by Rebbe Nachman we see that sometimes you learn a piece from Rebbe Nachman and you say: "How, how could it be you were thinking about me? How could that be?" איך זה יכול להיות.
Like how could you be sitting there describing my exact life, describing my simchas, describing my pain, knowing what my pain needs to hear, knowing what my anxiety needs to be, what needs to address my anxiety. I think like we saw in last week's shiur, almost the azaka last week? Yeah, last week's shiur about the anxiety and the stress, that one. The chassid is in awe of just: "How could it be?" Because it's soul connections, we don't understand these things be'emes. But our souls are rooted, all of us are rooted in the same place, but sometimes we have different channels through which this is the nekuda of my neshama.
It's clear that this generation is Rebbe Nachman's dor. This is like there's no once once you're in it, once you're ready to be bittel, you realize this is Rebbe Nachman's dor, the dor right before קבלת פני משיח צדקנו. And you understand this was the neshama that was sent down 254 years ago for thinking about you and I. So this is basically what what I wanted us to see is how a real chassid of the rebbe who was gifted with being articulate, how he explains what it means to have hitkashrus, what it means to be connected.
Because in Breslov there's no such thing as a Breslover saying: "I'm really into like a lot of the teachings and a lot of the minhagim, but the whole thing with the tzadik is not so much my thing." It doesn't exist in Breslov. There's not, there's no such thing like that. "Like, I don't really have a personal relationship with Rebbe Nachman and feel a direct connection to..." Zeh lo kayam, it doesn't exist. But there's a way of learning this in a very threatening way and there's a way of learning this in a very, in a very beautiful, passionate way.
So and his words are always very much דברים שכובשים את הלב. These are words that conquer the heart. So this is what I wanted to learn with all of you today on the special day of Rosh Chodesh Nissan, a new a new month, a month of hitchadshus. Excuse me.
And I hope that this touches all of our hearts. So, and it's okay if there's some hisnagdus. Meaning, it's okay that if while you're learning this you're you have these like machsomim, you have these barriers, like whoa, what the... it's okay.
Like, accept that there's a hisnagdus and don't let it move you onward with it, don't let it block the rest from you. All right? That's very, that's very, very important, okay? As you'll see.
אני הנני של רבי נחמן מברסלב. I am Rebbe Nachman's.
I am Rebbe Nachman's, right? I am one of Rebbe Nachman's.
של רבי נחמן מברסלב שלי. My Rebbe Nachman, my Rebbe Nachman.
רוצה אני לצעוק זאת לספר כך להגיד לאנשים שתדעו.
I want to scream it out to the world, do you know?
אני כל מי שאני כל כולי עם הטוב שבי ועם הלא טוב. The all of me, that which is good with me and that which is not good.
עם הרגישות ועם האטימות. And that place that's stuck, that's shut, that's closed, im hayadanut with that which I know v'im haborut and that which I'm completely a bur v'am ha'aretz.
im hatzlachot v'hachishlonot with my successes and my failures, עם מה שיש בי ומה שאין בי with what I have and what I don't have, im hessegai v'chesronotai with my accomplishments and my lackings, v'che'evai my pain, v'riga'ei bdiduti my moments of feeling alone, v'tkufat oshri and the moments of being b'simcha.
הכל באשר לכל שלי all that's in me, everything, של רבי נחמן מברסלב is Rebbe Nachman's.
לבלי הותר שריד ופליט. There's nothing that doesn't fall under the category of being Rebbe Nachman's.
כל חיי כל מעשיי כל מחשבותיי כל רצונותיי כל מצוותיי כל אהבותיי הכל שלו. Okay, who has some hitnagdut so far? Who has some... who has some... anything? No? You're just being nice, huh? No, I do.
Yes! I do too. It's great. It's... that's good.
I understand it but I don't feel it. Right. Right. Me too.
You will. Say amen. Amen. You always say amen.
This time with some hesitation. She's saying it under her breath. Right, it's a... she wants to be under the tree today.
Doesn't it feel like you take away the part of what Hashem gave you and put it also to Rebbe Nachman and the kesher with him as opposed to you? You read ahead, Marilyn. You can't read ahead in this shiur, you know? No, I'm kidding, you didn't read ahead. Of course we're going to have that question. Anyone that doesn't have that question is insane in my opinion.
What do you mean? Why could you just... why can't you just substitute the word Hashem and it would feel much better to everybody, right? Yafeh. Of course it's going to be addressed. Can you say what all those words mean? I did.
Which ones? Oh, the last... oh, the last line. My life, my actions, my thoughts, my wantings, my mitzvot, my... my love, it's all his.
He's going to explain this obviously. This is not... he knew this was going to the public. So you'll say, tomru, he's first going to say something else.
ומשלך אין לך כלום? What do you mean this... you're nobody? You have nothing? Nothing's from you? Like you yourself? It's all Rebbe Nachman's? All these things you just mentioned, which basically covers everything? And from you there's nothing?
יש לי הרבה מאוד. Oh boy do I have a lot.
חלקים נרחבים ובלתי מיושבים.
I have a lot of... I have a lot of wide places that are unsettled. v'bilti m'ubadim. m'ubad means produced, but meaning arranged, not...
they're not arranged, they're not processed. bilti matzmichim. Things that don't naturally just grow.
שדות בור ואבני נגב.
Desolate... desolate fields and... and basically a place of... of rocks.
אלא שלא שלי הם עוד. But they're not mine anymore, all these places I just said, כי מסרתי אותם בקניין גמור לרבי שלי רבי נחמן מברסלב. They're not mine anymore, I could say these things are mine, but they're not mine because I gave them completely over to my Rebbe, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov. Now what does that mean? And he says b'kinyan gamur.
kinyan gamur is... it's pretty fanatic, but it's actually interesting because he's actually such a not fanatical person. He's such a normal... like dibur, the...
the way he speaks, the way he... it's very... you think someone that writes these words must be a looney, but it's... he's actually very much not, he just is plugged into the concept of Tzaddik in the Torah of the Ba'al Shem Tov, the way that...
the way that it comes down the masoret of Breslov. So it's very, very, very interesting. It's very, very interesting.
ומניין לי שנאה לקבלם? From where is it that I should be a receptor of all these things that such a great person wanted to give to the world, wants to give me?
יודע אני מפני שנאה לקבל אותי בעצמי.
What do I... what do I know? I know that the bottom line of what the Tzaddik really wants of me is to accept myself, is to accept who I am. Like that's the deepest thing that a person needs to get to through all the teachings of the Rebbe, to accept where who I am in the exact... place that I am is essentially talking about what we're learning on Thursday mornings key to Yishuv Hada'as.
So I know that I have to get to that place.
והנה עוד שם סוד בידו כל דבר ובלבד שתהא מטרתי לשם שמים. And I know that I have to give over whatever I have as long as everything is L'shem Shamayim. Ken, כל הארציות הקטנוניות הבלבול הטעויות והשגיאות הכל לשם שמים רוצה אני שיהפוך הכל להיות כזה.
I can't hide from the smallness, the confusion, the mistakes, everything that I know makes unfortunately makes me identify with that type of person, the Shlav Aleph of understanding the Chassidus based on Rebbi Nachman is fully acknowledging it and actually Mkayem the Posuk השלך על השם יהבך and to say, "Hey, I've identified it, I see that, I see this place. I'm not going to pretend that when we're in relationship, Hashem, that I only talk about the Mitzvos that I do. I talk about the good moments I have with my children. Yeah, those moments that I gave the wrong advice, that I acted in a wrong way with my child, with my inner child, with my actual child, all these things, I'm putting it all on you.
אני מוסר לך את הכל. Doesn't mean that I'm relinquishing myself from responsibility, it means the exact opposite. The responsibility over my shortcomings begins with acknowledgement and seeing it and taking a breath and saying to myself, Hashem already knows about this. It's okay.
Hashem already knows about this. But what do I do with it? This is the intro into everything that what it means to be in a relationship with Hashem and what it means to receive counsel and advice from the Tzadikim. It's pretty strong words, but then he says over here, you think this is my Chapp? This whole thing of self-acceptance?
רבי נחמן מברסלב הרבי שלי הוא שלמדני לומר מילים כאלה. My Rebbe taught me how to talk like this.
Lachshov Machshovos Kaeileh. He taught me how to have thoughts like this.
ולהאמין שניתן לעשות כזאת בעולם כזה. And to believe that it's possible to act and to live like this in this world.
הוא זה שאחז בידי. He's the one that held my hand. Vehibit Bi. Looked into me.
Velachash Letoch Libi and whispered into my heart the famous words: יש עניין שניתהפך הכל לטובה. There's an Inyan, meaning it could very well be and it should be that all that you see in you that's ugly, all that you see in you that you wish you didn't see could be flipped over Letovah. Could be flipped over יש עניין שניתהפך הכל לטובה. Hakol, ha? Chadosh? Oh, Hischadshus, yeah.
Hakol, everything. Ani Ma'amin. Now we're going to go back to how he why he said what he said in the beginning. I believe, Ani Ma'amin, כי הלב הפועם אצלי בחזה ממנו הוא.
I believe that the heart that's pumping inside my chest is from him. Now you're going to say, "It's from him? Who is it from? Hashem?" So let's hold still hold onto that question and continue learning. Mikodem Lachen. Before that, I know that I was alive, איני יודע מה תקתק שם.
I don't know what was going on in that heart. I don't know what was pumping, I don't know what life force was flowing in there Betochi.
אולי היה זה מנוע. Maybe it was just an engine.
Ulai Sha'on Mechani. Maybe like a mechanical watch המניע את גלגלי המכונה that המניע את גלגלי המכונה that makes the wheels of the machine turn which is called הקרוי גופי והקרוי חיי that's called my body and my life. Aval. Like he's saying, I know that I was alive before I came in touch with the Tzadik.
So how could I say that that heart that's pumping in me right now in my chest is coming from him? He says, אבל לב חי ונושם. But a heart that's alive and that breathes. Lev Chash Umargish. A heart that senses and feels.
כוונתי לומר לא היה בי, my point is that that wasn't inside of me. Okay, so this is, this is very important. And I'll give a great example of this in a hopefully a few examples. I don't know if it ever happened to you, but you could really look at your life as before coming in touch with the Torah that captured you and that you were mesmerized and a completely changed person and after.
But a great example of this when I see by Rebbe Nachman is that the people that came in touch with Rebbe Nachman's Torahs, people that were very frum before they came in touch with Rebbe Nachman's Torahs, who they were before and who they were after. I want to give two examples. One we gave here in the shiur a few times in the last few months, and that is Reb Yitzchak Breiter. Remember what he said about his life before Rebbe Nachman? And he was a big tzaddik talmid chacham.
But he described his Torah and his avodas Hashem as does anyone remember? avoda zara betahara. Remember? He realized after fire took over his being that he was basically his whole life serving God betahara but it was like avoda zara because it was so foreign from the heart. It was so foreign, it was so far from the bigger picture of what we discover, who we discover who we really are once you get into touch with the fire of the Torah of the tzaddik. That's one.
Beis is רב לוי יצחק בנדר. I mentioned his name many times, a great, great tzaddik who is basically, I would say, the carrier of the torch of masora of Breslov. Just going to give again the lines over here like we have it here, but just in Breslov, this is very important. Rebbe Nachman, Reb Nosson, and then you have Rebbe Nachman of Tulchin, Reb Nachman Tulchiner.
His son Reb Avraham Chazin, Reb Avraham, they call him רב אברהם בר רב נחמן, right? He was, and he was very close to Rav Kook. He lived in Eretz Yisrael but he got - he would always go to Uman every year for Rosh Hashanah back then to go every year. And Rav Kook was living in Jaffa then, so whenever Reb Avraham would come to the boat around Av, Elul time, probably Av, so he always spent time by Rav Kook. There's a lot of stories there.
And then he went to Uman that last time before World War I broke out World War I or World War II? I think World War I. World War I, and then he got stuck. Yeah, of course World War I. World War I, and then he got stuck.
And then he spent the last four years of his life in Uman, and that's where רב לוי יצחק בנדר comes and spends the last four years of his life with him in Uman. And רב לוי יצחק בנדר made it through the war miraculously and he comes to Eretz Yisrael in 1949 and he really is the one that established the shul in Meah Shearim and the kibbutz in Meron and everything like that and everyone knows that רב לוי יצחק בנדר was the carrier of the torch. Now, רב לוי יצחק בנדר only came across the teachings of Rebbe Nachman I believe in his late teens, maybe even in his early twenties, I don't remember exactly. But he was born in a town called Grodzisk.
Does that ring any bells? You can find it on there. He grew up in the same town and in the same time as the Piaseczna. So I once saw that in a biography and I was like, "Oh my God, this רב לוי יצחק בנדר was alive the same time in the same town as the Aish Kodesh." How but no one talks about it, there's nothing, there's no references. So I asked, I started asking the older Breslover Hasidim that I know, "How could it be that we don't have anything from רב לוי יצחק בנדר with the Aish Kodesh?" And they all explained to me, they said, "You don't understand.
He never even remembered that he had a life before he came in touch with Rebbe Nachman. He never spoke about any of that time because for him that wasn't even really being alive. That wasn't even being alive." So did they meet? I don't know. It'd be the most exciting thing if we ever found a documentation or something about the Piaseczna and רב לוי יצחק בנדר.
But for the real talmidim, once the Rebbe kavash es libam, conquered their hearts, there was no - there was nothing really before. I mean there was, but it wasn't - like he's saying over here lev poem, the heart was there, they were living, functioning, but it was like a just a machine, it was just a machine, just things going on. Now we're so scared to say that about certain things today because we feel like, "Oh, we'd be belittling what was before" or... hurting people v'chulei.
It's not about that at all, this has to do with hiskashrus when you miskasher to the tzaddik, you are completely taken. You're just taken and everything looks and feels completely, completely different. Everything feels completely different. Okay, so turn the page now.
He's going to continue.
את הלב שבי היום, the heart that I have in me today, im gvanav hamitchalfim with all of its like changing shades and all the different emotions, im omko v'shinuyav, its depth and its changes.
ורבי נחמן מברסלב שלי הוא ששתל בי. My Rabbi Nachman, he keeps on saying my Rabbi Nachman planted it in me now.
Why do you think he keeps on saying my Rabbi Nachman? It's not stam he's being poetic. It's because in Breslov, Rabbi Nachman also said about themselves in the in the future it's going to be kitot kitot meaning there's not going to be a thing that all Breslovers look the same and act the same and dress the same and like we ourselves are very privileged to know many different people that are in the world of Breslov. I wouldn't put any almost any of the ones that I know in the same category. They they all look different.
They all act different. They all have different it's such it's so strange. So he keeps on saying, you know, my Rabbi Nachman, רבי נחמן מברסלב שלי. There are other places, other chassiduses like for instance Ger.
Stam as an example. You know how big the Ger chassidus is? Like and you know how massive it was before the war, right? But but today it's it's pretty massive, right? Did you ever notice different like I'm not and this is I'm from Ger. I'm not belittling it, but more or less, all Ger chassidim kind of look alike and dress alike and probably learn the same things and act in the same more or less the same ways. That's the inyan of Ger.
Lubavitch is a little bit like this, but not as drastic as it is in Breslov where it's so completely like sometimes in Lubavitch like for instance a Rav Steinsaltz's biography, what was it called on the Rebbe? My Rebbe. HaRebbe sheli. So you do have these like you know sometimes these very now more and more, but in Breslov it's like it's a personal relationship. It's such a personal relationship that we have with the teachings of the tzaddik.
That's why he keeps on saying רבי נחמן מברסלב שלי הוא ששתל בי. He he is the one that planted this heart that that he feels he has today.
על כן אין שום תמיהה על האהבה שאני אוהב אותו. Therefore there's no there's no safek or question about the love that I have for him.
על התודה שאני רוחש לו. and for the gratitude that I have to to him.
ועל שאת החבל הקושר בינינו. and regarding this rope that that connects us.
קשרתי ממש שם בלב עצמו. I took that rope and where did I make the knot? I made the knot between me and my tzaddik in my heart.
ומכאן יודע אני שלנצח אין אנו עוד נפרדים. and therefore I know ומכאן יודע אני שלנצח אין אנו עוד נפרדים.
Therefore I know that forever for an ever and ever we'll never ever be separated from each other. This is like this is serious stuff. Serious stuff. See, in the world in the for instance like the Dati Leumi world or the Bnei Akiva world, we don't have any type of language like this at all.
There's no this is not a language we're we're used to that we grew up with. So therefore it could be a little bit petrifying and like whoa, he's loony and like but we also don't have those figures that we could say about them that they gave us, they planted within us a completely new heart and we tied a rope of hiskashrus and the knot is in our heart. We don't have that either. You know Rav Nerya? Rav Yitzchak Nerya.
There was an amazing conference. You know Rav Nerya that Baruch Hashem the Millers are close to, Novasellers are close to. So he wrote he he spoke at a conference about fifteen years ago like a conference of the I think it was like the Mizrachi world or Yeshivot Bnei Akiva or something like I forget what it was. And someone wrote an article about what he said and I showed it to him when he came for I think it was was he here for Shabbos? Also Sfavi was Sam's Bar Mitzvah.
One of the Bar Mitzvahs remember we were on the roof? So we had a few minutes and I showed him an article that someone wrote about how they were moved by something that he said at a conference. And he said, you know what? Our biggest problem is with with all the good that we do in our world of Bnei Akiva and Dati Leumi, we don't have gedolim. We we haven't breeded gedolim. out of our world and it's great all the all the good stuff that we do but we don't have Rav Moshe Feinstein's coming out of our machaneh.
We don't it's not it's not happening and he felt like that needs to be the ikkar of what this holy tnuah, what the whole movement of Religious Zionism must be must be focusing on, is to lehazmiach gedolim. Not not good ones, gedolim. And that's so what he's doing with Echad L'Echad, no? That's what he's doing with Echad L'Echad. I don't know what that is.
His organization, he's he's funding from each yeshiva, the top to sit and learn in parallel to chayalim I think. I hope I'm not saying this wrong. No, no. I mean, that's the holiest thing what you're saying.
I I'm gonna I'm gonna look into that because that it would make sense, it would make a lot of sense if that was He's picking the top and he really like not just stam, like he really picks like the top yeshiva in in the Dati Leumi world. Because the because do you know why? Because everyone needs everyone needs rebbes. Mah la'asot? You need a rebbe. We have Rav Shmuel Eliyahu right now, is that in the Dati Leumi world? Probably the closest we have I think.
I think so. Maybe you could say Rav Remon a little bit. Right, right. Because they also have that chush of like connecting to your neshamah also.
It's not just being a talmid chacham, but they're also Right, right, and behechlet not just that. 100%. Definitely. Probably the two closest that we have in in that world.
It's still nothing close to the level of tzadik that we're speaking about as a soul master, mamash a soul master. And when you feel this and you tie a knot into your into the heart, then he then you know this is going to be this is going to be like this forever. It's always going to be like this. Venafsho kshurah benafsho.
You know, there used to be a thing of of certain talmidim and their rebbe that they would write a ksav hiskashrus and they would like a kesubah almost and they would sign on it, in this world and and also to stay connected in the next world. Maybe in the Dati Leumi world and and this is in the American world, there's Rav Soloveitchik zichrono livracha and Rav Lichtenstein. And the world of women we have I think there are many women maybe like Chana Tager and so on that opens hearts to Torah and there are many more that I can think of that really Many today. In the Israeli world, you have today people like Yemima Mizrachi.
I mean, not that the following person would ever claim to put herself in that category, but she is like that. And then Sivan Rahav-Meir that's really made a a huge transformation. And these are all very, very, very important things, but it's not the same ballpark bechlal of what we're speaking about over here. I know we would like to and it'd make us feel better, but it's a completely different world of hiskashrus of of venafsho kshurah benafsho.
And people would say all of these came from here. I I think so too, but they wouldn't you couldn't say that out loud. But my friends, some of them are still alive, one time went to the Kotel with Reb Shlomo and they wrote up a nusach, they wrote up a shtar. A shtar hiskashrus.
This is what you were asking, they actually wrote it up that we're bound to each other in this world and in the next world. Like in the world of autonomy and like our bechirah chofshis and and all the, you know, other stuff we still deal with with our maybe unpleasant experiences from different worlds of Torah, whatever, but like we would never even hear of such a thing. You understand that for a for a chasid to have the zchus to do that with his rebbe makes him feel like he has eternal freedom, not eternal enslavement. It actually makes you feel like you have eternal, eternal freedom with it.
I one time almost had the chutzpah to write this up with Rav Weinberger and I was very smart and didn't because you actually have to be on a certain madreigah of anything to be the one to ask for such a thing, you know, but there's a ratzon. Yeah. I'm just like thinking this through as you're saying it, but I wonder if part of that is I mean less to do with like the gedolim themselves and more to do with the people that I think a strength that can also be a challenge in the Dati Leumi world is the sense of like like our work really matters, like what we do and what we put out into the world and our hishtadlus is really important and it's harder to incorporate into that sort of submission to a Gadol, whereas a, again, like, strength and that could also be a fault of maybe worlds where Gedolim are more present, is like, it's there's such a focus on subjugating yourself and like nullifying your own ratzon, which I think means we all have a lot to learn from each other to kind of find the meeting place of those things of what I do matter and my hishtadlut and my output into the world matters, and also it's not all about me, like I can kind of take a step back. A million percent, and I think that's what why I find even more in Breslov the the room to breathe in what you just spoke about because it's not a shaila of was the Rebbe really right about everything? There's bittul gamur to the Tzaddik.
That's not even what I'm involved with, but my own interpretation of it is just as important as my bittul to the Tzaddik. Meaning, in Breslov, it's very, very, very, a big thing of avodat Hashem is friends sitting together and having diburay emuna, speaking about emuna. That's just as important as learning. That's just as important as bittul to the Tzaddik.
It's like that's a key ingredient in the world of Breslov, and I think that's why so many people feel this this self-expression in the world of Breslov, because the concept of bittul to the Tzaddik is so not a question. It's not it's not anything anyone struggles with when you're really in Breslov. You don't sit around and be like, I don't know, if he was around if he was around today would he say something differently? None of that exists. It's a completely different world.
And the fact that there was never another Rebbe after him helps like put that place of like, okay, this is here. This is going to be till Mashiach comes, as he said האש שלי תוקד עד ביאת המשיח. And now it's like what does who am I and what do I show what do I have to do here? I have something to offer. I need to do something.
Acheret, otherwise I wouldn't be here. But am I doing it al pi the eitza of the Tzaddik? Am I doing it with the light and the fire and the passion and the beauty and the warmth of what the Tzaddik has offered to the world? The other, like frankly, what what turns me off so much by by world by groups that feel like it's not important to have hiskashrus to a Rebbe or Tzaddik is that it's it's like, there's none of that there. Like, there's no, I don't know what the right word is, there's no to what? Like wait wait so oh wait there's no bittul. Forget about to the Rebbe.
There's no bittul in general. Yeah. There's no bittul like as a concept. Bidiyuk.
As a concept there's no bittul, why? Because bittul is so threatening. Bittul is so, can't be that I should mevatel myself and what do you mean? I it's all about, you know, believing in yourself and everything and it's such a misconception of what bittul is. A person can really begin to believe in themselves through bittul. They can believe they can begin to do things that are chai vekayam through bittul.
All those other things are nice, but they're not those are not things that last for too long. And in Breslov, the inyan of bittul, it's not even people struggle with it. It's like that's you you almost have this like silent conversation with Rebbe Nachman you're like am I in, am I out? And the Rebbe's staring there, like and you can keep on having this conversation for 30 years. Am I in or am I out? But all the others that don't have those conversations, they're just busy being the most amazing individuals and discovering what's so special about their own light.
They're not stuck. They're not stuck in that thing. Hem lo mebulbalim. But we have to realize we have to have rachmanus on ourselves.
We didn't grow up in those worlds. It's not the chinuch we got when we were younger. And we got some of us got very beautiful and good and and healthy chinuch, but it's not so much the chinuch that we received. This concept of having a Tzaddik, of having a Rebbe.
That's why also in our worlds, you know what's one of the biggest blemishes? The kavod for rabbanim is almost non-existent. It's almost non-existent. Like, I grew up, both my parents were both Satmar and but they left Satmar and became, you know, Modern Zionists, Modern Orthodox Zionists, but they described the concept of the Rebbe in their communities were like next to Hashem. I mean they were beyond human, they were like supernatural, people went to them for everything.
And I wasn't I wasn't taught that in a positive sense. Right, where people gave away themselves for the Rebbe and they like didn't even think about Hashem. I mean I'm just I'm generalizing, like in general. But also to me when I'm in in front of a great Rav, I can't even speak properly because I know I'm in some sort of holy greatness.
Right. And I'm afraid that's going to happen between me and you. No no, we're talking about gedolim. I'm with you in this journey.
But I want to address something you said, this is very important, that people almost were like, oh the Rebbe, and almost Hashem was like, oh yeah, he's there, but it's really about the Rebbe. Rebbe Nachman knew this would happen. And that's why what did he say a person has to do every single day? Talk to Hashem. That's exactly, I think about this all the time.
The Rebbe knew this was going to happen. Of course, how could he not know when he speaks so much about the gedula of a tzadik and everything. So of course he knew this was going to happen and I'm sure it did start happening. And that's why the Rebbe said, if you want to be my chasid, my follower, you have to talk to the boss, you have to talk to Hashem, not to me.
And okay, you could write kvitlech but I'm just the- I'm the uv'Moshe avdo but vaya'aminu ba'Hashem. You have to speak to Hashem. Like that's why in even in Breslov when I see people that are like, 'whoa, Hashem's really not part- it doesn't seem like it's only about how much you have to tell the world that they have to believe in Rebbe Nachman.' I'm like, that is not my- that's not my hiskashrus, not my bag. Is it- do you engage, do you embrace the Torah of the tzadik that leads you to talk to Hashem and have the most personal relationship with Hashem? And then if that tzadik is the one that provides for you the most intimate and purposeful relationship with Hashem and the mitzvos that I keep, then I go back to the shliach that caused me to realize this and I realize it's you that gave me a pumping heart.
Yes, it is you and I'm yours. We're all Hashem's, not everyone is yours, Rebbe Nachman, I'm yours. Meaning, like you said, I'm chalsching to be there. But that- that's a very important thing.
And I know in other like the ones that you, I don't think in Satmar they tell you to do hisbodedus, I never heard of that in... so therefore when it becomes mamash just about the koved of the Rebbe and everything but but the concept of Hashem is not so apparent in it, it's very hard to like once you have a little- once you see the bigger world you'd be like 'this is not- I don't want anything to do with this.
מה זה קשור אלי?' So the spiritual nature is absent at times. Like where people do the doing but forget the bigger Hashem picture, which in some aspects of Judaism that's the essence is the spiritual.
So a lot of people grew up without spiritual in their... right. And and you come from a world that's almost the opposite. Right.
Which is fascinating. Where the chinuch was very little to do with avoda. It was more feeling. And our zchus is to bridge is to bridge the two in the most beautiful harmonious way.
In Breslov avoda, avoda, they would speak about them as the ovdim, like that- that was the terminology about the Breslovers, like the ovdim, the workers, the servers, the ones that are working all day long. Avoda in this, avoda in- know, Joey Newcomb has a whole funny thing, 'what's the avoda? What's the avoda' things, but it's actually very deep what he's saying over there, there's an avoda behind everything. Maybe in our Dati Leumi world there was an avoda of asiyah, Eretz Yisrael, but there was not a lot of avoda of personal relationship with the Ribono Shel Olam. Sorry to say.
It wasn't. Camps, schools, shul, that wasn't the inyan. Avoda, you know, and avoda is kadosh. Very holy, avoda be'Eretz Yisrael.
But Rebbe Nachman is saying it has to be both. It has to be both to discover who you really are, it has to be both. And he bridges these gaps and it's an amazing thing. So let's finish this on top over here.
בעולם הזה ובעולם הבא ולימות המשיח ולתחיית המתים ולסוף כל הזמנים in this world, next world, for the days of Mashiach, for the resurrection of the dead, and for the end of all times, shelo...
שלו אני והוא שלי, I'm his and he is mine. That's how he's speaking about his Rebbe, about Rabbi Nachman.
אינני תמה לאהבה הזאת שאני אוהב אותו ולתודה העמוקה והנוראה שאני חב לו.
I'm not, I don't have any shaylas about this love that I have for him and the deep sincere gratitude that I feel that I have for him.
רק מתגעגע אני לגעת בהן לעתים קרובות יותר. I just long to touch those, that feeling for longer periods of time. That's what I want.
ויש לי ביטחון פנימי שלם וגמור. I have such an inner security, an inner bitachon shebekarov me'od nipagesh, that we will meet one day soon.
ואז אראה עין בעין, and I'll see, we'll see with my eyes, את אשר אני מאמין בו כעת. I'll see what I believe in, I'll actually see, ereh mamash, bishtei einai eilu, שכעת עוד אינן מבחינות בדבר, that now in this world, in the confines of the world, my eyes don't really see that which I believe.
But it will be that I will see that which I believe with my own two eyes. Let me run through the next piece. I don't, I don't want to miss it, okay? I know it's late, but let me run through it, okay? 'Cause this really speaks to us. I know it's late, but if it wasn't Rabbi Nachman's birthday, I wouldn't keep you here for a few extra minutes.
רגעי הבדידות רבים בחיי. I've many moments of feeling alone. Le'itim choshev ani, I think quite often, אל הרבי או אל אנשיו אני מתגעגע, that I, that I miss the Rebbe or the stories of his people that were around him. El devarav, his words, el shiurav, el talmudo, his Torah.
Le'itim choshev ani, sometimes I think, לקרבת אדם לחלוק עמו מתגעגע אני. Sometimes I think if only I could share this missing with somebody else, להסביר למישהו היכן אני בעולם, to explain to someone where I think I am in the world ומה האמונה הנוראה המקננת בי, and what is this awesome emunah that I feel brewing inside of me? Aval be'emet, what I really long for, מתגעגע אני לספר על כך לעצמי. This is so deep. What he's saying here is that sometimes we feel a lacking, we feel a loneness, and we think it's about even the Rebbe, telling him what I feel, or hearing his voice, or telling someone else what I feel.
But the deepest loneliness is מתגעגע אני לספר על כך לעצמי, telling myself all these things that I, that I know I'm feeling, of feeling alone, telling myself my own story. Lashevet tavul kuli, to sit completely immersed, ba'osher hazeh hanitzchi, in this eternal pleasure, she'ein lo sof, that has no end, this hiskashrus, ואין עליו שום איום כלל, and there's no threat over it. Lizkor, to remember, she'im kol katnuti, with all my smallness, afsuti, my nothingness, ומיתת הלב המתמדת שלי, and my consistent death of my heart that I have to get resuscitation, I have to be a resuscitation all the time.
עם כל זה הרבי שלי מוביל אותי, with all of this, my Rebbe is leading me towards telling myself my own story.
הרבי שלי מוביל אותי, my Rebbe is leading me, ואין רגע אחד של חיי שאינו קשור אליו. There's not a moment of my life that's not connected to him.
אין פעימה אחת בלב שהוא שתל בי, shenishmetet mitikuno. There's not one pulse in my heart, in my heart, one pump in my heart that he planted in me that is removed from his bigger picture of tikkun.
אין לשער את דלות רגעי, אין לשער את ריקות פעמי, אין לשער את קטנותי, et ga'agu'ai, et bediduti. It's impossible to describe how small I feel at times. It's impossible to describe and to evaluate how much I feel empty inside when I'm willing to be vulnerable enough with it.
אין אני מרגיש מה נעשה עמי.
I don't really feel what's happening to me.
רק יודע שנעשה עמי דבר מה ללא הרף. But I know that something is happening to me non-stop. Rotzeh ani lehitaken, I want to be fixed.
זמין אני שתהיה לי ביום מן הימים איזו הוויה. It must be that at one of these days I'm actually going to have a havayah. What is a havayah? Existence? It's what? Existence. It means an experience, a full experience of the moment that I'm living in.
To be fully in alive with the moment that I'm experiencing right now. Full, full presence, not the way we speak about it, like mashu completely there. Avar, gam beterem eheyeh, but even before I get to this place that I long for the most, גם אם עדיין איני באמת קיים קיום אמיתי, even if I don't really exist, a real existence, chai noshem ra'uy the way I should be alive, the way I should breathe, gam az even there hu harabi sheli, he's my Rebbe.
הוא יודע אותי לכל נימי וגידי לבבי, he knows me in accordance to all the moments where I'm questioning a lot of things about myself.
He's there with, you see sometimes we think that the hiskashrus to a tzadik or to be with a rav, adam gadol, I first have to be a mentch. I first have to be frum, I first have to be clean, I first have to be holding to whatever level it is. By Rebbe Nachman it's the opposite. It's actually the opposite.
You know, there's certain tzadikim you could only be in their shiur once you were holding kol hatorah kulah. Maybe that was just so that you'd be able to understand what the rebbe was saying. But by the tzadik, by Rebbe Nachman, it's almost like it's the opposite, like I'm not interested in fixed people. If you feel like you're a fixed person and you're coming to hear divrei torah, you have nothing to do with me, the rebbe is basically saying.
I have nothing to give you. I have nothing to give you. So that's why all the broken neshamos, those that are vulnerable enough to feel broken find refuge, peace, harmony, and tranquility by the tzadik Rebbe Nachman because you get a sense of, this is who's been waiting for me and I've been waiting for him. You should know, this is a very accomplished person that's writing these words.
You understand, it's a very accomplished rav, author, talmid chacham. It's not like an, you know, a Breslover that didn't have enough money to get home from Uman and he's been there since 2004. This is a person, a bar da'as, probably a wealthy person. This is not, you understand what we're talking about.
Does Gedaliah Fenster look homeless to you? Do you understand what I'm saying? Like other people. hu metapel bi, hu rofe oti. le'itim, second paragraph, מתוך כאב של בדידות רוצה אני לצאת ולצעוק בקול רם. Sometimes from a place of feeling alone I want to go out and scream, להשמיע בפי כדי שתשמענה האוזניים, that I should hear.
It's a lashon of halacha regarding shmoneh esrei that you have to daven shmoneh esrei soft but loud enough that your own ears hear. That's halachically what how we have to daven shmoneh esrei. It's why I was saying it's very hard, I don't know what shiur I was saying this, there's one person that comes davens here sometimes that's very hard of hearing, but he's very makpid on that halacha of shmoneh esrei, so all of us hear his shmoneh esrei too. It's a little bit, a little bit hard.
But whatever. Here he's saying I want my own ears, I want my own self to hear what I want to say, וישמעו כל מכיריי ויודעיי and I want to let everyone know של רבי נחמן אני, hatedu, that I'm Rebbe Nachman's, do you know that?
כל כולי עם כל מה שבי, לעולמי עולמים ולנצח נצחים, all of me with all that's in me forever, ולכן יש לי תקווה, that's why I have hope.
יום אחד הכל ישתנה כאן לגמרי, one day soon everything's going to flip over here.
יום אחד אדע מה פעולה פעלתי כאן בתוך הרגעים הריקים למראית עין, one day they'll show me what I was actually able to accomplish, davka when I looked at life and I said to myself I'm such a lo yutzlach.
I'm such an unsuccessful person. One day they'll show me those moments that you were willing to be real with yourself and where you thought that you were completely doing nothing, they're going to show you, you actually built worlds through that moment of vulnerability and emes. You were doing more than you could ever imagine. It's one of the dangers of living in a successful accomplished society is that it can be very alarming, it can feel very threatening all the time and the Rebbe wants us to snap out of that completely because this world is sheker.
It doesn't mean you shouldn't try to accomplish things but you should be יום אחד יבנו כל חורבותי. One day all of my churvos, all my demolitions, all my destructions will be built. Atem tiru, you'll see.
כי הרבי שלי מטפל בי, because my Rebbe is Rebbe Nachman and he's my psychologist.
בינתיים אין לראות כאן דבר. In the meantime, there's nothing to see.
אבל הכל הולך ומתרחש וקורה עכשיו עכשיו ממש. There may be nothing to see, but everything is happening.
אמיתי יותר מכל הייאושין, deeper and more real than all the despair, more existent than all the imaginations.
קיים יותר מכל הדמיונות.
יום אחד תזרח השמש על כל החושך שלי. One day the sun will shine on all my darkness.
על כל התהומות שלא ידעתי לקרוא להם בשם. All the depths, all the abyss of darkness that I didn't know what to call them.
על כל אזורי הדמדומים שלי. All the, all the twilight zones.
על כל המדבריות הלכתי בהם לאיבוד. All the deserts where I went astray and I went lost.
על כל חלקי נפשי שקוראים לי לעזרה מתוך בדידותם האיומה. And there'll be a complete rebuilding on all the places of my soul that were calling for help because they felt so lonely.
רבי נחמן שלי, עליו אני סומך, לא על עצמי. I trust the Rebbe, I don't trust myself. And again, that mind will start to play games with us again. What do you mean you don't trust yourself? You're supposed to trust someone else? I definitely don't trust myself, like meaning, I always feel that if I'm doing anything right it's only because I have the eitza of tzadikim.
I don't find that to be a problematic thing, I think that's a very good thing.
הוא האיש האחד שיודע אותי לגמרי. Rav Erez is saying Rebbe Nachman is the one person that knows me better than I know myself. Bli masveh, without a masveh means a mask.
Bli tachposet, without a costume.
ואינני מתחבא מפניו ואינני מסתתר. I'm not hiding, not from him.
הוא האיש האחד שיודע אותי עד עומק תוכי.
He is the one person that knows me to the depth of me.
לידיו מסרתי מה שאני יודע על עצמי. I gave over to him what I know about myself.
וגם את כל מה שאין לי בדל ידיעה על אודותיו.
And I also gave over to him all the things that I know nothing about. Hakol natati lo. V'hu lokeach osi, and the Rebbe guides me.
מן כוח כזה נתן לו בורא עולם.
Hashem gave the Rebbe a certain koach. Lakachat osi b'zroosav, to take me into his arms. L'hachayos es libi, to enliven my heart.
לעורר אותי משנתי העמוקה.
To awaken me from my deep sloth.
ולקרוא לי באופן ששומע אני את הקריאה ונע אל מקומי באי שקט. And calls out to me in a way that I can hear the calling and then moves me towards my place on a quiet island.
הוא יודע את הדרך ובעקבותיו אני בא.
He knows the way and that's where I'm coming from. Amok yoser, and more deep, v'od yoser amok. To where? So you would think that he would end off saying over here that all the place that he's leading me to is to Rebbe Nachman. Fakert? Not fakert, because fakert means opposite.
No. To where?
אל אור האלוקות שבתוכי. To the light of godliness that's in me. Now I'm sure you would like to say, can't there be another way to get to the light of godliness that's inside of me? Why do I need a middleman? I don't know, but you should stop saying az yashir in the morning if that's the case.
Or at least omit that pasuk.
ויאמינו בהשם ובמשה עבדו. I don't know why. Couldn't Hashem just put it all into me? Forget about Har Sinai and all these things? Have a person go up three times forty days, forty nights? I don't know.
Hashem decided. Hashem decided. And even the people said it was too much for them to handle. That was the proof.
It came from the people also. Even Hashem could have, if Hashem is Hashem, Hashem could have figured out a way that it wouldn't have been too much for us. He didn't want to. Exactly.
He didn't want to. There's an inyan of having a shepherd. There's actually an inyan of avoseinu. They were all ro'im.
They were all shepherds. There's an inyan. And it's once you let go of a lot of the things that pull us away from this, I'm telling you there's no greater geulah for the nefesh. There's no greater geulah for the nefesh because then you're basically it's not like you patter yourself, be like, "Okay, I'm..." There are people that I don't connect to.
They're like, "Whatever." One guy I remember, he went, he did some horrible things in life. He came like he says, "You're a kohen, right?" I'm like, "Yeah." He's like, "Okay, I'm going to confess." I'm like, "That's not the type of priest." He's like, "I need to confess." Well, he told me a horrible thing that he did with someone, but he was like okay with himself afterwards. He felt a little bad, but he's fine. He's like, "How are you okay with yourself?" He's like, "It's okay.
I was in Uman. I did the tikkun haklali once. I gave a perutah litzedakah. So I'm I'm saved." That's not a Jewish concept, because Rebbe Nachman says you have to add another thing to that concept of tikkun haklali and perutah and mekabel teshuva sheleima from that moment.
Then the Rebbe will come and pull you out again and from your peyos or your sheitels or whatever you're wearing. Like that part they omit from the from the from the thing. But there's a geulat hanefesh that says יש לי סיכוי למצוא את האור של האלוקות שבתוכי. I have I have a sikuy by listening to my Moshe Rabbeinu.
You know, Breslovers some like they need everyone to be Breslovers. I wouldn't want people that feel this through the Rebbe, Babbatche Rebbe, that my tafkid is to convince them that it's through you know, I don't I don't care about that. I told you one of the a disheartening thing happened to me one of the trips back from Uman is that I was in the airport in in Kiev, about to get back on the flight going back home. And there was a guy there sitting there and an Israeli chassid, and and we started talking, and he said, "אני הייתי אצל הרבי מליובאוויטש איזה עשרים פעם אני אומר לך כל העולם צריך לדעת זה היה כלום לעומת פעם אחת שהייתי בציון של הרבי." I said to him, of the Rebbe, Rebbe Nachman, I said to him, "זה מה שיש לך להגיד עכשיו אתה חושב שרבי נחמן צריך את זה מה עשית מרבי נחמן מה עשית מעצמך?" He said, "I was by Lubavitcher Rebbe like 20 times, but I'm telling you I can give eidus that it doesn't come close to one minute by the Rebbe Nachman's kever." I'm like why do you just you even having to say that shows that you have no idea what you're talking about and you're definitely making Rebbe Nachman so small for many people because it's shtuys in my opinion.
Who cares? But if you do find you know, it's it's just the the obvious thing is that the Torah of Rebbe Nachman and and its accessibility, especially to the English-speaking world that we have such a hakarat hatov to Reb Chaim Kramer and the Breslov Research Institute. In in many, many, many more years from now, we'll really understand who we have in our midst. We don't get it now. It's too big.
It's it's too hard to understand what what he actually did, what he's still doing every day. But the point of a ro'eh is to lead you, not to show how not not that you realize how big the ro'eh is. A real shepherd is their inyan is not to show you how big the shepherd is. It's to show you how godly you are, how much light of Hashem you have in you.
And that has to be the focus when we come back to the concept of bittul to the tzadik and all these concepts in Breslov that we have a sometimes a hard time with. Their whole their the whole inyan of the neshamah that came down to this physical world 250 years ago today was to bring me to the or ha'elokut shebetochi. That's the most beautiful thing in the world, and that's what I bless us all with. And that's why if there was ever a time to make a hachlatah, we're going to like Lubavitch, Rebbe Nachman's birthday now, we're going to make a decision making on Rebbe Nachman's birthday.
I'm I'm pleading with you. If you want to understand anything I'm trying to give over in these shiurim, without your own hisbodedus every day, there's a limit to how much will really go into the heart. I'm telling you, I've never felt it stronger. Start with 15 minutes a day.
Stopwatch, stopwatch, stop phone, whatever you want to do. Put it on airplane mode, but set an alarm so you know in 15 minutes I can get back to all those important things that I need to follow up with. 15 minutes a day of talking to Hashem, not Rebbe Nachman, of talking to Hashem. And then maybe you go to 17 minutes.
Whatever it is, there's no I some people have a big inyan that the goal is to lead you to an hour. I don't know. Stick to 15, 15 minutes a day. And from there, bezrat Hashem, if you make, I think making a hachlata like this on the Rebbe's birthday gives you extra wings and power to go and do this.
And halavai we should be zoche to be connected to all the Torah that leads us to the godliness that exists within our hearts forever and ever. Bezrat Hashem and shkoach for your patience today. Thank you so much. Chodesh tov.