On Black.

In the episode, Alexis, Jeanine and Hamsata do a recap of their school year, talk about their personal growth and rant about community and friendships.

Show Notes

In the episode, Alexis, Jeanine and Hamsata do a recap of their school year, talk about their personal growth, and rant about community and friendships.  For more, follow On Black. on Instagram.

Creators & Guests

Alexis Grant
Hamsata Mazou
Jeanine Ikekhua

What is On Black.?

A WKNC commentary podcast about living and evolving while Black, hosted by Alexis Grant, Jeanine Ikekhua and Hamsata Mazou.

Alexis Grant 00:00
Hi, I'm Alexis,

Hamsata Mazou 00:01
and I'm Hamsata.

Jeanine Ikekhua 00:02
And I'm Jeanine, and you're tuned into WKNC at 8.1 FM HD ones. Thanks for listening.

Hamsata Mazou 00:17
back, welcome back. Welcome back.

Alexis Grant 00:20
Oh, that was crazy. But

Jeanine Ikekhua 00:24
I lost the windows.

Hamsata Mazou 00:26
No, they stayed still. Oh, yeah, they were taking in that boat.

Jeanine Ikekhua 00:30
I was gonna say like,

Hamsata Mazou 00:33
you know, like he's angry. Oh, yeah.

Alexis Grant 00:36
If y'all didn't know,

Hamsata Mazou 00:36
you can tell by now.

Jeanine Ikekhua 00:40
Okay, what's the plan for today?

Alexis Grant 00:41
Today? Everyone. You know, we just had our last day of classes yesterday. Yay. We made it through the year. Okay, you want to start right now? Oh,

Jeanine Ikekhua 00:52
so you really made like, you know how hard you've tried to just work? Yeah.

Hamsata Mazou 00:57
Freshman year is your first time sophomore year first time during pandemic. Yeah, because

Jeanine Ikekhua 01:02
that was 2024. Like, I think that's why like, Oh, we'll get into this. But I think that's why I'm literally, I'm more I think I have more freshmen friends, like more freshmen and acquaintances, because yeah, because like everybody else came in and like they already had their friend group from like, last year. But then y'all were just like, not sure that y'all were like searching or like looking or stuff. But that wasn't the beginning. Yet. Like, everybody was just like, Haha, who's here who's not here who's not here? And I kind of just like stuck to the people that were looking for people because I was looking for people to, but now I'm so over it. I'm so over, over looking for new people. Yeah, I think I've gotten to the point me and my friend had this conversation yesterday. And I was just like, I think one of my biggest recaps, is it finally set in how, like, what friendship means to different people. Like we just don't have the same meaning. Like I take it way deeper than most people take it. And I feel like a lot of people want to be acquaintances, which is fine with me, but like, don't call me your friend. And then like, want to move like an acquaintance like you want to point.

Alexis Grant 02:06
Oh, yeah, tell snips. I'll call people friends. But that means like, I really feel the vibe there for us to really be in it.

Hamsata Mazou 02:16
For me, it's kind of like a step by step thing to be like, Oh, these are the people I hang out with, you know, and I won't put that friend definition talk for like, long term, you know? And then when it's consistent behavior of us hanging out, it doesn't mean it has to be every single day. Yeah, but to a consistency. And I'll be like, I really enjoy being with this person. I'm like, Yeah, our friends. Just kind of happens naturally.

Alexis Grant 02:38
Yeah, that is cute. Do you guys feel like this was a successful year? Did you get what you wanted to get done? Did the school provide what you needed to provide?

Hamsata Mazou 02:48
Well, I guess for me being freshman year, it was just more of a learning experience, and just being able to navigate and just know what opportunities are there. What I feel like I can accomplish what would like to within my four years here, you know what, uh, yeah. So I don't know, it was success in the sense of me being able to, like, go out and just see what's out there meeting people and stuff. Yeah, but I don't, at least in my head success, kind of like, I mean, I guess it was successful in that, because like, things are, oh, I don't know. I like the things I go to. They tell me like, set certain goals you have. I think one of my goals was just, I don't remember. But I remember I looked back at them, like mid semester, and I was like, I accomplished most of these.

Jeanine Ikekhua 03:26
See, I did that. But like, I feel like I have a problem. Because no matter what I accomplished, I always look at it. Like there's always so much to accomplish. So yes, like I did stuff this semester, and I liked it. That's a really a success. Like, am I happy with what I did? I mean, I guess I'll take it. I wish I had done more. Yeah. But then I'm also like, hold on. I was not feeling well, this entire semester. Right? I still went to class. You ate that thing time? Like no, no, no. Hey, Janine, stay on the pile, hey, I'm gonna hit on the positive.

Hamsata Mazou 03:58
Even stay on the positive. You just need to know you ate that hole up. You took into consideration your circumstances as well. Some people had the same opportunities and like maybe less dire circumstances and you know, accomplish as much as you did I and I feel like you need to also be proud of what you did.

Jeanine Ikekhua 04:15
I just want to get Okay go ahead. Oh, I wish I had a time machine to your stereo is probably one of my biggest goals was to get an internship, okay. And I didn't like I did but I didn't because I was like, I got an internship and that's not at the caliber the one that I wanted I'm getting paid over summer to do something which is I found the money's

Alexis Grant 04:45
ways to go. Oh, it's

Jeanine Ikekhua 04:48
not enough money given for her while

Alexis Grant 04:52
she puffer color.

Jeanine Ikekhua 04:54

Alexis Grant 04:56
go Janine. Miss internship a nice money. Hey, looking fresh? With the money go

Jeanine Ikekhua 05:06
down real quick. But no, I just felt like I didn't get the internship that I wanted. And I just wish I did that. I feel like if I had gotten that, then I would have been like it was a successful semester.

Alexis Grant 05:17
Okay. So, as far as like, personal life, I made a lot of friends. I would say the word friends. And I made a lot of great people. I feel settled into Raleigh now, because you know, I'm out of state. I feel like I understand, like, how to function with my classes better, even though my GPA is not the best right now. Just okay. You I know how to.

Hamsata Mazou 05:40
It was just so many new variables that something's gonna have to like, yes.

Alexis Grant 05:45
And I chose it, which is not the best college. I chose my academics to like a little really, I know. Okay, I feel like I have to take advantage of all the social opportunities. I can, just in case, like, I'm restricted to where I can. Like, I saw that in the back of my mind. Something's gonna come up and I can't go out. Yeah. So even if I don't want to go out, I'll go out sometimes because I feel like I have to. Oh, no, we

Jeanine Ikekhua 06:13
got to squash that.

Alexis Grant 06:14
I know. I know. I feel like I'm getting better with it. That's good. But I feel like next semester, it'll be easier because I'm gonna be farther away. I'm just not gonna want to walk back. And like, all my friends are spreading out more. So I feel like yeah, for somebody

Hamsata Mazou 06:26
who's like, that's gonna test your friendship. You and your friends are living together.

Jeanine Ikekhua 06:30
If that's what says to your friends, go ahead, let them go.

Alexis Grant 06:33
I've definitely grown a lot as a person. I've had a lot of experiences, new experiences. It goes back to the static. No, yeah. Okay, when I'm old. I want to have those stories that old people be having talking about. Are you serious? Yeah. So

Hamsata Mazou 06:47
that was you? Yes.

Alexis Grant 06:51
There's been times when I was indifferent about doing something. But I either did it satisfy my younger self, or I did it to satisfy that need of I want stories when I'm old.

Jeanine Ikekhua 07:00
Really, I don't even be thinking that. I feel like that's a good. That can be a very good way to think. Yeah, sounds like because it's stuff that

Alexis Grant 07:07
will push you out of your comfort zone because you realize, okay, like maybe I don't want to do this right now to live out of my comfort zone. But you think about in the future, if you want those stories, you're gonna have to get outside of your comfort zone. So me wanting to have those stories, not even for now, but in the future. Helps me push outside my comfort zone. And things I wanted to do as a child to please my inner child. Push me out of my comfort zone.

Jeanine Ikekhua 07:28
And that's what I've been doing like the past couple of months. I've been going I went to y'all, I wanted to I love

Hamsata Mazou 07:36
to party when one night.

Jeanine Ikekhua 07:38
No, that's too much. Oh, let me let me build I don't think I'll ever get there. But I went to two parties in the past like month, which is a lie because I went the entire semester. Not one party. Do I think it was worth it? to bond with certain people? Yeah. Okay. For the experience itself. No. I could have bonded with them at home, but now. It's like parties, like bring a different atmosphere. I

Alexis Grant 08:06
need some me yesterday. Let's talk about what you saw about this

Jeanine Ikekhua 08:16
after? Oh, yeah. Okay. lexemes at the party. When I say I walked in, I'm saying, Janine so what is this? Is this person in front me like she was happy? She's like, Yeah, I'm just I'm just dancing and vibing I'm the cause to push me down. I looked at I looked at Lexus, and I'm like, take care of her for me. Okay. Take care. Yeah, gosh, you she's like, let's see. The mouse. But no, Alexei was a vibe. I looked over for one second, and all I saw was Lexi like, almost loads to the floor. And she was just having time on her life. I said, yeah, that's my friend. I

Alexis Grant 09:01
was catching some. I was catching my friend. She was

Hamsata Mazou 09:03
okay. Carrie. Oh, okay. Oh, why can we talk about you? Mm hmm. You just You just told Lexus I'd like to do until Janine. Lexi, I feel like

Jeanine Ikekhua 09:18
I just stood there was looking at

Hamsata Mazou 09:21
perspective, though.

Alexis Grant 09:22
That was accurate. You know, I saw Janine a few times here and there. I sent you the video of us. Yeah. You mean there's just the time just the time like, literally like 10 seconds. So which money Which movie did

Hamsata Mazou 09:33
you do for 10 seconds?

Jeanine Ikekhua 09:35
I think the praise move like the one where you put your hands and like Praise God. That was when I did.

Alexis Grant 09:40
So there was a little pelvic movement. Oh, light.

Jeanine Ikekhua 09:44
Yeah, to like, get off my knees from praising God. You see what I mean? Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Let's move on. Yeah. Have you been like what's your recap?

Hamsata Mazou 09:55
Recap of the semester of the year? Oh, academic year. Yeah.

Jeanine Ikekhua 09:59
I came here,

Hamsata Mazou 10:01
very much like a curveball. I was literally like, what is the point of high school? If I didn't come into this prepared when this was supposed to prepare me for this? Oh, no, yeah, I was so upset at that throughout the semester, I feel like I started be able to grow. I started exploring and stuff. It was just very stressful. So after that ended, I like made a mission to build community because I was like, I felt so distant from like community at school. I was just like, I'm going to school every day, but I don't feel like I built like any connection. So that was when I started going to the ACC. And that's when ACC Yes, I don't think I met Lexia. That was when I met Lexie. Because remember, you took me there. Actually, I liked it. I want to case ya know, each other. I met like a lot of people there. And I really like

Alexis Grant 10:45
I really gives you community is what gave me my community on campus. It

Hamsata Mazou 10:49
gave me community provided me connections, because at the time also, I was looking for ASU and that was like, not existing at the time. Oh, yeah, they're still trying to get back. Yeah, but after like being part of that, that also helped build community. So I feel like building community was just like, part of the key themes for at least for my first semester that really helped make it feel like very beneficial.

Alexis Grant 11:10
I don't feel about state

Jeanine Ikekhua 11:12
in general. The whole thing Yeah, we quiet for a reason. Oh,

Hamsata Mazou 11:21
I don't have a pinion on state as a whole cuz I don't know state as a whole. I can say state in the black community.

Jeanine Ikekhua 11:26
Yeah. Okay. Because this is

Alexis Grant 11:30
on black, you'd like you know about my background officers. Talk about black community estate,

Hamsata Mazou 11:39
life experience. I feel like it's very like niche. It's been like, you're just with the black community. It's I don't know, I kind of know the people who are within it. You know, people who Dibble dabble. You just kind of know, like, no,

Jeanine Ikekhua 11:53
like, you know, somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody like I see you posted on Instagram. Like, I know her.

Alexis Grant 11:58
I will say like, Yes, it's nice, but it's also gated, because I don't know if y'all like I've had this experience. But I've met a lot of people, like a lot of black people on campus. That until they until they started talking to me, or they found someone specifically, they couldn't find the black community because we're so niche. Wow. Actually, I

Hamsata Mazou 12:18
remember people come up to me and be like, Hey, I like I want to, like get involved in the black community. Like how do I do that? Because people didn't know. I know. I know. Like, I've

Alexis Grant 12:27
there's a lot of people out into like, the community

Jeanine Ikekhua 12:30
because yeah, like, Okay, nevermind. But like,

Alexis Grant 12:35
for me, I feel like I really found it. I had a couple of friends. I met some people over the summer online. And I had so I had two friends coming here and they were both black. And then Cassidy, Cassidy and me were moving in at the exact same time. So that's how I met Cassidy. And then Cassidy had a class with Sidney, and Cassidy as friends too. So that's how all of us became like a friend group. And we met Nick The first night I was on campus, because Dory had known him from a group chat. So that's how we became friends. But outside of that, it's I was because I came to the ACC,

Jeanine Ikekhua 13:10
really, I should have been up in there. But I like to be my part.

Alexis Grant 13:14
There's so many people I've met that have been like, I just don't know where any of the black people are. And they never see black people on campus, which is No, I I constantly see black people.

Hamsata Mazou 13:25
That's all I ever see. Like, we're out of Peter Jutsu. I see like, my classroom.

Jeanine Ikekhua 13:31
Like when I go

Hamsata Mazou 13:32
to my dorm to my uncle like because very few of us in our whole style dorm.

Jeanine Ikekhua 13:37
I literally have friend shout out to my friend. I'm gonna drop names, but no, oh, shout out to my Duo. She's really just like, she cannot find any black people. And I'm just like, Girl, like, I would introduce people but like, my I myself, I'm just being introduced to people. Like I'm just introduced them to us. Yeah, we got them. But then it's like, they don't go out. Like they're like me. Honest to God, I really like if you

Hamsata Mazou 14:03
give us their contact, we'll find a way as long as they're comfortable with this. Of course, like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 14:08
we can like my daughter school. Okay, yeah, yeah, just let us know. Yeah, I feel like I don't have a friend group essentially. So like, if I need some if I want or like want to talk to somebody at state and then like, I really want to talk to my at State. I'll probably just like, call it individuals. Yeah. But will I pick up and call the group? No, because I just I don't have that yet. And I don't think I'm necessarily looking for that because I already have a big friend group outside of state. Yeah, it's a lot of energy that is telling me Sure. I have my friend group like from Nigeria back home and like, I gotta keep up with that. I already have two friend groups. I think I'm the glue. I think I play my role in different groups. But it's just like a lot like I was thinking adding an NC State friend group on top of that A lot, yet, this is gonna sound so bad. But I genuinely think majority of my friendships at NC State. I know for a fact, when I befriend you, like, I'm not doing it on purpose, but I don't think I have the interest of maintaining this friendship outside of college like it's probably gonna stay here. Not yo,

Alexis Grant 15:17
oh, I was lever

Jeanine Ikekhua 15:23
that's why I said that's why I said not cry

Alexis Grant 15:30
but you know, little little swelling friends like

Jeanine Ikekhua 15:33
when I say for me like acquaintances like okay, like, I'll hang out with you, but like, you're not gonna see that I pick up my diploma by girl. He's talking

Alexis Grant 15:41
about people like you cool

Hamsata Mazou 15:41
with Yeah, that's really what college is to be honest, cuz you're gonna have those people that you'd be like, you know, maybe just for networking purposes, like you said about the company, you'd be like, Hey, girl, yeah, and catch up. And it could just still be an honest bond, but it's just not a consistent bar and that you're like, Oh, you're trying to consistently maintain, which I feel like it's not necessary for like, all like acquaintance ships. And that's why they're just acquaintance.

Jeanine Ikekhua 16:03
I'm not used to that. Oh, like I'm so like, every way that I've ever been, it's either you're a friend or you're not a friend yet. And like, I'm so used to like having a friend group. If you know me, I'm actually a very social person. Like, I'd be out like, I go out, but I'm not gonna go out unless I have a group to fall back on.

Alexis Grant 16:22
I love that. Yeah, yeah.

Jeanine Ikekhua 16:26
Yeah, I think it's true. But yeah,

Alexis Grant 16:29
ya know, like, I really am always with somebody. Don't mean that face.

Hamsata Mazou 16:33
Janine doesn't like that. Like she's

Jeanine Ikekhua 16:34
not. That's not even. It's like, by all means, be with your friends. Like, I'm happy that you're with your friend one. 100%. I think it's like a beautiful day. The only thing

Hamsata Mazou 16:47
I was gonna say, however,

Jeanine Ikekhua 16:48
however, I just feel like I consider your friends and training. Okay, I'm saying. So it's like we need to have honored outside. No facts.

Alexis Grant 16:59
I feel honored. saying like, no matter how serious you take your phone how

Hamsata Mazou 17:08
to be in training. Great. Maybe Yeah.

Jeanine Ikekhua 17:11
No, but yeah, I mean, if y'all need something like If y'all need anything, just like I never not pick up my phone.

Alexis Grant 17:19
Yeah, I'll call you over the summer. Oh, I would kind

Jeanine Ikekhua 17:23
of be disrespected

Alexis Grant 17:25
down. Okay, that's crazy.

Jeanine Ikekhua 17:30
No, like, we should like group trips. Like, take these breaks. And really go we talked

Hamsata Mazou 17:35
about it, remember? Oh, no, we know. Nah, they don't even know. But we know we know.

Jeanine Ikekhua 17:49
But back to the recap what else happened? What else happened? Relationships?

Alexis Grant 17:56
You know what, let's do a little rant on that. I love this little rant at NC State. Yes. And just like many forget that

Jeanine Ikekhua 18:05
men, just the men in general. Let's talk about black men.

Alexis Grant 18:10
Okay, so my experience with men since coming to state.

Jeanine Ikekhua 18:17
Okay, okay. Um, it's been

Alexis Grant 18:20
interesting. Um, I will say I was I wasn't like, out here anything, guys. Everyone come down. I wasn't out here for but I spoke I was speaking to a lot of people. Because I, I just wanted to, you know, as you should. Yeah. I wanted to get to know a lot of people because I, once I came to state, so I go through these, like, two phases that flipped back and forth for me. And I don't know, it's like, kind of, I can't remember the quote exactly. But it's like Zora Neale Hurston. Zora Neale Hurston and Kristin Hurston quote, where it's like, there's a time for questions at a time for answers. Yes. So I kind of go through that, where there's like, there's a time for reflection, and there's a time for input. So I'll go through like a few months where I'm just inputting information. So that's what I was going through, especially first semester. And that's why like, a little later on into the summer, I was talking to a lot of people, because I was just trying to get a lot of input. I was trying to figure out, okay, who am I in this new environment? Because anytime I move, I feel like that's the biggest potential for growth, for sure. Because you're completely sip, like separated. Rooms separate, separate separated from your environment. Yeah. So that's the opportunity to completely change, like what's going on around you and yourself. So I took in so much input, and that's also why I feel like I have a lot of friends. Just meeting a lot of people talking to law people even. There's some people I met. I had a great connection with those times. I made a great like, Y'all probably think this is crazy, but this is how I really like to function. And this goes back to the thing I forgot, but I don't think it's crazy. Let's like take away the word. Okay, okay. Okay. You My right leg, but yes, I'll make a serious. Like, if somebody outside from the outside they would think I knew this person for years connection within two days, and then I won't speak to them next week and I'll never speak to them again. I like

Hamsata Mazou 20:13
connections like that sometimes I feel like like they're valuable in themselves. Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay, you gotta have a good connection with people. I never see him again. You kind of

Alexis Grant 20:24
feel like a lot of people. Oh, sorry. Yeah, they are special. I feel like a lot of people I do hang out with I think that's kind of strange. Because it's like, I'll be, I'll be like, on FaceTime with them. Like, literally seven hours, three days straight. And then I'll never talk to them again. That's normal. I'm glad you do, because it will happen. Like just meeting people and speaking to them on below surface level, like level. It's my deep level. I've probably spoken to over 100 people on that level.

Jeanine Ikekhua 20:52
No, I think that is such a good indicators. Yeah, well,

Hamsata Mazou 20:54
so that's like a gift to you really is being able to like talk to people and connect to them on a deeper level with like such short of a timespan.

Jeanine Ikekhua 21:02
No. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I really want to do a whole research paper on like the unspoken trust between two strangers. Yeah. Like, there's like God, it really is. And I tried to take advantage of that. Me too, like in a good way of like, tell me more like, I'll tell you more like, put it out on the table, and then go to table away once we done Yeah, nobody goes.

Alexis Grant 21:22
It seems it's like a safe vault.

Hamsata Mazou 21:24
It really is. And it's just like locked up between you to other parties that it's beautiful. Really, it's so beautiful. I

Jeanine Ikekhua 21:32
think here's where people find a way like for me, I know people will be like, you don't talk to your best friend every single day. No, I'm like, busy, I'm busy. Time zones to different countries, you must have lost it. But like a lot of people think like certain things are normal. And it's like to you. To you. Yeah.

Alexis Grant 21:51
But I remember what I was gonna say earlier that goes with that. And I think like, it kind of sounds like you're on the same page. I am very, very, very comfortable with growing out of friendships long. Yeah, for sure.

Jeanine Ikekhua 22:01
Oh, actually, no, I'm not. It's taken me a minute as much.

Alexis Grant 22:07
But I think I'm a little too close to

Hamsata Mazou 22:09
me. Because for you to get to that friendship. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I think once you get to that level, it's just like growing out of it's kind of like, what was the bottom yet prior steps?

Jeanine Ikekhua 22:19
I think in my entire life, I've only grown out of one friendship. And that was like recently.

Alexis Grant 22:23
Oh, yeah, that's, that's impressive. Ya know, I've definitely grown out of a lot of friendships. And once I'm really close to, yeah, how do

Jeanine Ikekhua 22:33
you deal with that? Like, I saw someone and they were just like, well, it takes time to heal. Nah, screw time. I'm still here.

Alexis Grant 22:40
Right? Talk to him. But for me, I think it's just, I don't know. So I'm, I'm gonna type of person, there's a, there's like a whole condition for this. I don't know, if I have the condition. I'm not trying to self diagnose myself. But it's very, like, out of sight out of mind. And, yeah, so it's also like, I'm really bad at instigating conversations with people, I'm not around a lot. Like my friends back home and stuff like that. And it's not even like, Yes, I won't think about them maybe as much as I should. But even when I think about them, like I just don't think to contact but like, if I just don't see you. Like, I'm just not gonna think to say anything. And, like, my emotions are very tied to like, in person, like, are talking to each other. Like, there's some people I talk to on FaceTime a lot. But if I start talking to him on FaceTime, I'm not gonna talk to them at all. So it's very tied to my inner like, mostly in person interactions with them, like I can meet people online. But once I meet you in person, I need to keep meeting you in person.

Jeanine Ikekhua 23:42
That makes sense, though, I guess.

Alexis Grant 23:45
I'll just go out and I'll just stop talking to you. And I'll feel fine with it. Especially when it gets to the point of I started growing as a person. So now I'm not the same person that I was when we were friends. Yeah, that's a big thing for me, because I'm trying to constantly grow, like I grow. I feel like I grow. And I change very rapidly. So if I don't metamorphosis, yeah. So like, if I don't speak to you for X amount of time, like, I feel like, like the person you knew me as a friend. Like, that's not who I am anymore. And also, I have a problem with when I get into environments, I want to say one friend, but environments where I was a different person with those people, I tend to revert and I hate that. So then I don't even want to be around them.

Hamsata Mazou 24:23
That makes sense, because certain people bring out different aspects of you. And if you try to, like move away from that you ultimately have to cut off that person to be able to fully move on to that new person you're trying to be. Yeah, because that's like what, you know, those posts are like, Oh, you're trying to grow as a person. Sometimes your friends aren't on that same mindset. So you're just gonna have to lead them they might mean that they might not but you can't just hope on that. You've got to believe in your journey yourself and just keep on moving the way you need to.

Jeanine Ikekhua 24:49
I agree, but I also feel like well, I think it's good advice like me taking friendships very, very deep. I feel like it's also my responsibility to update my friends. Oh, yeah. Like the person I've become me too. So I do that like for me and my friends, like I specifically have like two or three friends, where we call each other every three months. And it's like what's happening, like, had to change this cube or like, like we do that and like, that's how like I make sure to just like slip just like I'm not doing it like on purpose, but like, at the same time to just make sure like they know who I am. Yeah. And if it doesn't vibe after that, then like, like the one friend that I had. Well, that was different. Like, that was kind of hard. Because I had been friends with her since I was I think there's a picture of me and her together at my seventh birthday. Yes. So since I was like over a decade ex, and we came as like a group of three. And like now it's kind of hard because we were all in different countries over the pandemic in different states over the pandemic. And then now she goes to the same school as the other girl. Oh, so they Yeah, but the thing is, like, they we thought them coming together would bring us all closer, but it just brought them closer. And like literally we met in person and like that was the end of our friendship. It just it was it was disconnect. Yeah, I think just realize that some people are not on your wavelength when it comes to how serious you take friendships, which is okay because nobody deserves me.

Alexis Grant 26:20
OIC your journey? I want you to say that again.

Jeanine Ikekhua 26:24
It's okay, because not everyone does. Not everyone deserves Jeanine deserves a lot of people. I'm not wasting my time on people who are not worthy of what I have to give on growing from that friendship,

Alexis Grant 26:39
I'm glad that's another thing. Yeah, I see friendship. Yeah. As experiences to have Yes, sometimes that's forever, you know, you go through all of it is sometimes it's, you know, few months, a few years, but that's why I don't get sad when it's over. Because at the end of the day, it was about the memories and it was about the experience. And some of them are just meant to be temporary. Like they weren't meant to be permanent. And the permanent ones you might meet them a lot later in life to dash they may not be the whole constant from like childhood to like,

Hamsata Mazou 27:07
there's been people that you'd be like, Oh, I should have been a friend. Like if we could have been friends my entire life. Yeah.

Jeanine Ikekhua 27:15
No, I think that's why I'm so hesitant to make friends at NC State cuz I'm like, You're not gonna stick why there's just so many people in line there is no place for you. Like I'm being so serious like I go to the list of who I got to call and I'm like NC State people who are not that close to you, you know you don't list I don't even know who you are at this point anymore because it's just like it's a lot to deal with in like when you take friendships so seriously, they become like a part of a job. Yeah, no. They are a lot of work and it takes a lot of time and it's just a lot of energy to I don't want to be friend somebody and then like not give you what I would give on exam because like that's not that's not fair to you and then that's not fair to me cuz that's a waste of my interest will say your time.

Alexis Grant 28:03
Like, like Picasso, like Picasso, like a Picasso. Back it up. Back it up. Do we finish our mind when

Jeanine Ikekhua 28:09
nobody even start? We always go back to friends.

Alexis Grant 28:12
We just guys friends are just so important. Friendship is magic. It's my little pony. But yeah, man, man. Yeah, so they're crazy. No,

Jeanine Ikekhua 28:23
no, they're all human beings have their own little dash of craziness in them. So I agree. Let me go

Alexis Grant 28:29
on, but specifically like men rent this is purely just rent content. Um, the way it has some people slide in DMS is baffling to me. Pure baffling crazy

Jeanine Ikekhua 28:41
yup moving mad.

Alexis Grant 28:42
I've I've been told some rural wild stuff was crazy and so

Jeanine Ikekhua 28:47
on. I want to know the craziest

Alexis Grant 28:48
Yeah. The craziest since I got to campus my craziest before because I think the craziest seems to be NC State NC State. Okay, yeah. Since I've gone to campus. So there's this guy I met at a mall. And I don't know if he's thinking like, I'm just I'm just not gonna tell him about the podcast. So he did this. Oh, is

Jeanine Ikekhua 29:15
it Yeah, he

Alexis Grant 29:17
you don't need to hear me no anyways, but basically I was at the mall, like approached me he was like, like, I just need to you can like I'll buy you whatever you want. So like y'all my phone number whatever. Like the day like the first day, your first interaction? I don't I don't tend to do that anymore. I did. I did that a lot. Oh, because this was last semester. But I used to do that a lot. I don't do it as much anymore. Unless like you do.

Jeanine Ikekhua 29:49
You give out your phone number. Remember? I don't go out. Yeah. So like nobody getting anything period because I'm not out.

Alexis Grant 29:55
Okay, fair. Yeah. But so he was like talking to me. He was like Yeah, I was talking to my co workers about you

Hamsata Mazou 30:07
pause Yeah, this this is still your first interaction like is this? Oh,

Alexis Grant 30:12
yes. But this the same day though, same day. He was like, Yeah, talking to my co workers about you like, this is before he talked to me. He was like, I just need to talk to her like that kind of thing. And then I was like, Well, I'm scared. Yeah. And I was like, I was like, You don't know me though. Like, what could you have even said to your co workers to be talking about me? And he was like, you really want to know, like, air? Isn't a horrible horrible, it's just like, it really took me off guard. You just like, I just told him like, you just look like you taste good.

Jeanine Ikekhua 30:47
To me you know? I'm trying to find the words but like,

Hamsata Mazou 30:59
just men. Yeah, like, okay. Like that.

Jeanine Ikekhua 31:04
You do you? Yeah, don't do that. But don't ya don't want. Like what?

Alexis Grant 31:10
I was like, Wow, that's crazy. Okay, block. We pushing it? Yeah, I feel like the men off campus are a little more unhinged, though. Because a lot of campus, they're more unhinged, and people on campus. And I don't know, I'd be scared sometimes to be scared to speak to people on campus, especially now. I agree. Because we all have the same circle. Yeah. Here's the thing. Some of them are not the same circle. It's just, if I meet two people who are in the same circle, they might be in the same circle. I agree. Like I just be scared that they be knowing each other.

Jeanine Ikekhua 31:48
And like, I don't want to be dismissed. Yes. So

Alexis Grant 31:53
the second message shows up, I'm gone. Like you don't have to worry. You don't have to worry about me. You don't have to worry about like, because I'm not the one because I'm just frankly, not the one.

Jeanine Ikekhua 32:04
But I just feel like guys, and I've heard of this like happen not like at NC State. But just like in general. Men who purposefully target the same girl to get with them. And then being guys who are with girls and then talk about like their experiences in the chat. To me that is just show disrespect. I go. No, that's fine. It's one thing to be like, oh, yeah, I was with him and like talking to your friends. I'm talking about like, straight up like in the chat. Like yes, she was good. She was like, Oh, yes. Like recommend Yes. Like recommending gives her ratings. Oh, how good was she? Did you be doing that? Likes? Likes for your friend? Go try?

Hamsata Mazou 32:45
Um, give him very much your food.

Jeanine Ikekhua 32:48
Yeah. Every round people, I,

Alexis Grant 32:52
I don't have a problem with talk like that. If everyone's on the same page. On the same page, like if every like, No, there's no emotions about everyone's just like out there trying to have fun. Like, dude,

Hamsata Mazou 33:06
that's a different situation with that thing. So I feel like at that point, regardless

Jeanine Ikekhua 33:09
for me,

Alexis Grant 33:10
is I can just say it's a little weird. Yeah, it is.

Jeanine Ikekhua 33:14
I mean, I just feel like,

Alexis Grant 33:16
I'm also I moved very much like a man. You did say that, like, I definitely like, and like people who know me and like, know how I interact. Like, I definitely move like a guy.

Jeanine Ikekhua 33:27
See, I feel like I'm where like, you're where I'm trying not to be? Because like if my toxicity and like my viewer I am Yes, you will come out. 24/7 No, like, I stay indoors to protect other people. Because if I go out and I'm like, you know, what, if I like if I was single, and like, I went out and like I'm on Demond time, I'm gonna be very honest with you. You're gonna be bold. Nobody say oh my gosh, I love that.

Alexis Grant 33:55
So much. I'm so excited to be up bro. No one's saying not

Jeanine Ikekhua 34:02
because I get comfortable in like, I'm on like that mode of like, I'm ready to go. I'd be like, Yeah, my feelings are important. The rest of y'all. I'm so sorry. But whoever's in my way. I'm gonna get at you. Are you gonna be get going? Like, I don't care. Which is why like, I stay inside. Like, I keep control because I don't want to. And like I don't care for repercussions when that happens. And like I know, like, it will be so bad because I will get in very messy situations. So I know myself and I stay indoors.

Alexis Grant 34:32
Tea. I love that. But yeah, I love that. But yeah, I'll be scared with the people knowing each other. No, because especially now like before, I didn't care as much. Because I was like, okay, and whatever. Like I'm not trying to be committed to anybody. I'm not doing anything serious with anybody. Like I'm just in college like I'm talking like, but now.

Jeanine Ikekhua 34:59
Love I love that song so much. Should have an addition looking for love. Looking for love to bring some people I don't know nobody.

Alexis Grant 35:08
Podcast blind dates. Yay. Oh, I'll do it.

Jeanine Ikekhua 35:13
We should bring y'all bring the ones that I know you wouldn't be attracted. My gosh. Get to know him and he'd be like, yeah, we're still left. I'd be like, yeah, terrorize

Alexis Grant 35:31
you crazy. The fact that you said this, like on record.

Jeanine Ikekhua 35:37
Oh, yeah. Even more wild. Yeah, see what I mean? I just be doing something I'm not supposed to do. Just like it comes out. And I'm like, let me stay indoors. Like, it's kind of it is fun. Like, I'm the type of person to get on top of, like, on top of a desktop of a car and just like starts working and making noise. But you never like I mean, never ever, ever, ever see me like I can be so wild. But you will never ever see it just want to need I see like That was terrible. I know the damage that I can cause

Alexis Grant 36:25
now oh my god. Janine came out with my people. Oh, Janine, it'll be over.

Jeanine Ikekhua 36:32
For me. No. One time. It'll be one time when I promise you like that one time. I'm gonna never forget it. You will never forget it. Like no. I don't want to forget it. Forget it. If you end up on the news. I don't know.

Hamsata Mazou 36:50
Say where there'll be videos and the videos because yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 36:53
that's what I don't want. Like, I don't want to look if I do a party, a no phone party. And I didn't know anybody in there. Oh, what if it was like my friends that you've like kind of met? Do I got to see them afterwards? Are they gonna talk about it? No. Okay. But it got to be good because I feel like guys move a bit more differently. And like, it makes party like it'd be guys and girls. Okay, there gotta be like a section and y'all cover me in there. Okay, okay, we could do that. We'll be doing that

Alexis Grant 37:20
we're doing that the functions now. But not

Jeanine Ikekhua 37:22
because what were y'all recovering yesterday but that was not know covered? I literally turned my head. It was right there.

Alexis Grant 37:30
Who Wait, who was being?

Jeanine Ikekhua 37:32
I don't know. Were you it was we might not. We might or something. Yeah,

Alexis Grant 37:36
but were we actually covering? Were we just all dancing around each other? Maybe already? Because sometimes we'll just dance in circles. Yeah, I think maybe we weren't covered. Because I can't remember the party that you were at. We I don't think we've covered anybody.

Jeanine Ikekhua 37:50
that'll count. Yeah, hello.

Alexis Grant 37:52
I want to say journeying Get Lit I want to see Jenny and good good okay, let me go oh, she she dances she did

Jeanine Ikekhua 38:07
because it's gonna come out and stay out and I just don't have time first God first I gotta put me what's your what's your

Alexis Grant 38:18
alter ego name?

Jeanine Ikekhua 38:20
I don't think it has a name.

Alexis Grant 38:21
I think we should name him right now.

Jeanine Ikekhua 38:23
Oh, I see it first and then this let's name it

Alexis Grant 38:28
what's my alter ego? Honest the oh ooh. Oh the turbo see the Reaper puppet?

Jeanine Ikekhua 38:39
The Reaper The reason I call it the Reapers because like, I can't like you haven't shown it but I cannot imagine the Lexie that I saw yesterday combined with the toxicity that has been shown to me every now and then if you combine those two I just thought it would make the Reaper

Alexis Grant 38:55
deadly. Yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 38:56
I agree. Because when Lexi don't care she just don't care. That's facts. And I just feel like I'm gonna get my feelings hurt them back away. I can back it up.

Alexis Grant 39:07
No, yeah, if I don't care no more like it's it's bad for everyone involved. It really is.

Jeanine Ikekhua 39:15
The Reaper, whatever it is. I

Hamsata Mazou 39:18
don't think I have an alter ego.

Jeanine Ikekhua 39:19
I think you do. I think you can be very sweet. And then like if I had to put it

Alexis Grant 39:24
like yeah, it's It's this. It's the fingerprint. It's Oh, it's a middle finger.

Jeanine Ikekhua 39:33
But it's like a chill it's like yeah, it's not a curse you out and then sit down there and be like, what's up? Like very calm with it. I find that some solder. I don't know what I would call it I would just Oh can we call a thing sooner

Alexis Grant 39:48
restarted When? When I tell Siri to call you. She calls you Hamsa

Hamsata Mazou 39:56
I got my actually my brother did I think right now. or like you could go to settings and like say hi Your name is pronounced and then Siri will say in that way. Brother did that for me. I don't know how you did it use my some of my

Alexis Grant 40:11
phone. It usually does a lot of people's names I need to fix.

Hamsata Mazou 40:16
I really don't know the process on that. But yeah, you could definitely do that. So she like won't mind the guy. I've had mine as a guy with a British accent. Don't ask me questions. Oh, but that's my theory.

Jeanine Ikekhua 40:25
I changed mine because I saw them on Tik Tok. And it was like, oh, there's like a black, African American man or woman. Yeah.

Hamsata Mazou 40:34
An African accent one though. Like South African. I think they had but I was like, I wasn't really feeling that. So

Jeanine Ikekhua 40:40
British. I tried to black like the black American woman in London when I tell you it's not like that black American grew up in the whitest neighborhood. It was like, yes. And yeah. Hey, Siri, like how can I help you?

Alexis Grant 40:54
Are you wanting to as a black set? No.

Jeanine Ikekhua 40:56
I wanted to hurt to have an emphasis. Like I can't explain one back people talk. There's an infant there. Like it's not like no offense, but like, it's not bland. Yeah, like was

Hamsata Mazou 41:08
like that's just how long that like I said.

Jeanine Ikekhua 41:12
Like I lose depth to it. But that lady she was talking like she was floating on air. I said, Nah, come back down. Again, back to you. That's why I'm saying just chill a little but yeah, don't get there don't work.

Alexis Grant 41:26
Wow. That was a lot of ranting. Yeah,

Jeanine Ikekhua 41:28
we just did then. Yeah, we did. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you all too. Much. Like this is your first year as freshmen and like,

Alexis Grant 41:35
yeah, that was wild. It's a wild experience. Like is Loki scary? Because first semester took forever, but second semester went by like no one's

Jeanine Ikekhua 41:43
really did. And I made more memories second semester, but did more damage for a semester.

Hamsata Mazou 41:49
Oh, what do you mean by that? Can we unpack that a little bit? Or no? Yeah.

Jeanine Ikekhua 41:53
So um, nobody knows this. But first semester, I was definitely doing like not bad things to other people but bad things to me. And I was just doing a lot of stuff that I didn't imagine myself happening because like, something had walked in and just like, but a black guy turned everything upside down. But pushed me way out of my comfort zone. Yeah, clown. Yeah, not acted not like the clown, but just act not like Jeanine. So like, I did a lot of damage. I think I had like the worst like mental stuff for a semester. Because like, just like first time on campus experiencing stuff. I think I went through a lot of like, personal stuff. But my academics was outstanding.

Alexis Grant 42:36
Something suffering

Hamsata Mazou 42:40
three triangle,

Jeanine Ikekhua 42:42
ya know, my academics is like, like, my straight, like, academics was straight A's like, oh,

Alexis Grant 42:48
it was I want to hype it up. But I also don't, because it's like you.

Jeanine Ikekhua 42:54
Like, I'm really like doing the assignment. And then take a break, cry, little come back, do the silent cry. But I've done.

Alexis Grant 43:01
I've been in a cycle like

Jeanine Ikekhua 43:02
that. I don't know what it's like. I think I'd probably choose the academics more over my discourse also. But really,

Alexis Grant 43:09
it's because we're here for academics. So it makes it hard to prioritize your mental health when you're literally paying to be here for the academics what I'm saying and like this, and I don't want to get lost in that sauce, like you did like the full academic sauce, because I know like my mental health will just go away. And the whole reason I went out of state is to preserve my mental health. But here's the

Jeanine Ikekhua 43:29
thing that like this semester was like the complete opposite in terms of like, academics is looking okay, but it's not what it was last semester. And it's because like, I've made more friends. I've gone out more like spontaneous stuff I've been doing like, I want to go eat crab legs. If you know me, you know, I have a schedule for everything. I gotta be everywhere. What do you mean, really?

Alexis Grant 43:51
We know this about Janine?

Hamsata Mazou 43:53
Yeah, but like, I didn't realize it was like to the tee. Like,

Jeanine Ikekhua 43:58
like I talked a little thing, but I know like, when you walk in my room, there's a calendar that tells me where I need to be where I need to be where I've

Alexis Grant 44:06
seen you write on your calendar on FaceTime. Yeah,

Hamsata Mazou 44:08
I've seen that. So like, No, I haven't. I've never seen you

Alexis Grant 44:11
know, that day that Janine was tweaking and we was on the phone. She was writing on her calendar

Jeanine Ikekhua 44:15
a little bit. Oh, no, because like I'm trying to figure like, where I need to be how I'm gonna how I'm going to structure my day like, I need all of that to be in tip top shape and this semester, like the reason why you haven't seen my journal is because like, for the first time in my life, it's gonna sound like she a nerd. I did not cross out all the things I needed to do on my to do list and I was really really mad like, I wasn't opening my journal because like, I just was not getting school done. I haven't examined two days. I haven't studied No, I haven't even finished the class content.

Hamsata Mazou 44:49
Neither by actually doing but like yeah, definitely, definitely hit them books up. Little bit yeah, we will yeah

Alexis Grant 45:03
yeah Thanks everyone. Thank you for listening to our rent because it was really all over the place not really wasn't We appreciate it. Yeah, it was good for us. Hopefully it was good for you tune into the next episode. We got to get that junk out right now.

Hamsata Mazou 45:19
Okay yeah and if you're not already following us on Instagram Oh, I'm gonna let y'all know hey black hey I'm black that podcast this is a little Yeah, because I also forgot the dot wait redo redo. We live beside speaking that you probably to be a black.ca black dark chests on in grant now you