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Lighter Than You Started is a daily podcast offering gentle reflections on the news, the noise, and the small human moments that shape our days. With wry humour and quiet honesty, it’s not about fixing you, just about ending each day feeling a little lighter than when it began.
Hi I'm Keith and welcome to Lighter Than You Started. It's Thursday and today I'd like to talk about mind reading. Not the stage magician kind. The everyday kind. The kind we occasionally expect from the people around us.
Keith:Perhaps you've had a day when you've been particularly busy. There's a lot to do. You're rushing around and somebody sitting nearby appears completely unaware. You think surely they can see I need some help. They don't move.
Keith:You become slightly more obvious. Perhaps you sigh a little louder than strictly necessary. Still nothing. You move something with just enough force to communicate they're always not entirely well. Nothing.
Keith:And eventually you're not only busy you're annoyed because they should have noticed. Or perhaps someone said something that upset you. They didn't realise you didn't say anything but you became quieter perhaps slightly distant and somewhere inside you're thinking they must know what they've done. Meanwhile the other person's happily making a cup of tea completely unaware that they've been cast as the villain in a story they don't even know is happening. Human communication is fascinating because we can sometimes expect other people to know things that we've never actually told them.
Keith:And the reason I think is quite simple. It's obvious to us. We know we're overwhelmed. We know we're disappointed. We know what we meant.
Keith:We know what we'd like somebody to do. We're experiencing all of it from the inside. So it can feel extraordinary that somebody standing three feet away hasn't picked it up. But they're not standing where we are. They're inside a completely different head with their own thoughts their own worries their own assumptions their own list of things they're trying not to forget.
Keith:They may notice. Some people are very good at reading a room. They spot changes in tone. They recognise when we're quieter than usual. They offer help before we've asked and that's lovely but perhaps it should be a bonus rather than the minimum requirement.
Keith:Because there's a difference between someone not caring and someone not knowing. We can confuse those surprisingly easily. If they cared they'd know. Would they? Maybe.
Keith:But perhaps caring doesn't come with telepathy. Imagine going into a cafe. You sit at a table. The waiter walks past. You don't order anything.
Keith:Ten minutes later you're furious because they haven't bought you a cappuccino. You might reasonably expect them to notice you're waiting to order but expecting them to know exactly what drink you wanted would be a little ambitious. Yet emotionally we sometimes do something very similar. We have a need. We don't express it.
Keith:Then we judge the other person's response to information they never received. Perhaps as a lighter alternative ask. Could you give me a hand with this? Say. That bothered me more than I think you realised.
Keith:It's plain. When I said that earlier what I meant was to clarify. I'm not looking for advice at the moment I just need someone to listen. Interesting isn't it? That last one connects with yesterday's kind of conversation too.
Keith:The clearer we can be about what we need the easier we make it for somebody else to care for us in the way we actually want. And that isn't being demanding. It isn't being needy. It isn't somehow less meaningful because we had to ask. I think that's another expectation we sometimes carry.
Keith:We want somebody to do something without being asked. Because if we have to ask it doesn't count in quite the same way. I shouldn't have to ask. There are situations where that's completely understandable. If you've reminded somebody 15 times to do something they've already agreed to do today's episode isn't suggesting you need to issue reminder number 16 with a cheerful smile.
Keith:And there are basic responsibilities in relationships families and workplaces that shouldn't require constant prompting. But sometimes I shouldn't have to ask really means I wish they'd guessed and perhaps that's for separating. Because asking doesn't remove the care from what happens next. If you say I've had a really difficult day could I have a hug and somebody hugs you. The hug isn't counterfeit because you requested it.
Keith:If you say I'm overloaded could you take this one thing off my plate? And they do. The help still helps. If you say something you said earlier hurt me and they listen apologize and try to understand Their response isn't less meaningful because they didn't realize beforehand. Perhaps sometimes giving people the information they need is an act of kindness towards both of us.
Keith:They no longer have to guess and we no longer have to wait to see whether they will. There's a lot of unnecessary disappointment created in that waiting. We leave clues. We send signals. We hope.
Keith:And when the other person misses them we quietly add it to the evidence. See they don't understand me. But perhaps understanding isn't always something another person can achieve alone. Sometimes we have to help them. There's another side to this too.
Keith:We may have seen people know positive things we haven't told them. They know I appreciate them. They know I'm proud of them. They know I love them. They know I enjoyed seeing them.
Keith:Maybe they do. But wouldn't it be lovely to remove the uncertainty? We often think communication is most important when something's wrong. But perhaps the good things deserve saying out loud too. Thank you that really helped.
Keith:I enjoyed today. You handled that brilliantly. I'm glad you're here. We don't lose anything by making kindness explicit so perhaps today's thought works in both directions. Don't expect people to know you're struggling if you haven't given them a chance to know And don't assume people know they're appreciated if you've never quite got around to turn them.
Keith:Of course communication doesn't guarantee the response we want. We can ask for help and somebody may say no. We can explain how we feel and they may not understand immediately. We can be clear and still disagree but at least we're dealing with the real conversation not a test Not clues. Not an imaginary argument that only one person knew existed.
Keith:Perhaps there's someone in your life today whom you're hoping will notice something. Maybe they will. But if it matters perhaps don't make them guess. Say the thing. Ask the question.
Keith:Make the request. Offer the appreciation. Give them the information they need to respond to the real you rather than ask them to interpret the truths. Today's thought for you. They can't know what you haven't told them.
Keith:Thank you for sharing this moment and as always I hope you end today feeling lighter than you started. Go gently and I'll see you tomorrow on the flip side. You can now listen to the Lighter Than Started podcast on Alexa. Simply say, Alexa, play the Lighter Than You Started podcast. Lighter Than You Started is a think of something publishing production.