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One shift at Blotus the Scarab Merchant's — that's the docking fee. Mr. Rattle forgets which century it is. Tanhauser time-slips and invents dinosaur communism. By closing bell, a goblin revolutionary named Snot rolls up in a walking trash-mech shaped like her own face.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: Pathfinder Second Edition
Creators and Guests
Host
Host
Guest
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Guest
What is Rotgrind - Narrative Declaration?
Five adventurers try to survive in this comedy filled Pathfinder Second Edition TTRPG campaign within the grim dark world of Tyne. Follow the show, get custom TTRPG content, and more at https://narrativedeclaration.com
Welcome to the good blood is home of the scary merchant.
Can we help you with your order?
Tandy, are there unions in Golgotha?
There sure are now.
I'm snot a goblin.
You're snot, you're not a goblin.
I'm snot a goblin.
A thousand yards, a thousand sails, dear.
That travel through time sucked.
I was hanging out with dinosaurs for a week.
I don't think we're getting that pizza party.
Are we ready for another exciting episode of Ratgrind?
Is anybody else going to stream?
No, I was kind of liking the awkwardness of the way streaming on you.
On a scale of one to ten, how tired is everyone today?
I'm a little sleepy.
I was up to five.
Yeah, I've had a massive headache all day, and it's only recently gone away.
You've been up to five.
Speaker's been up since six.
I got a good amount of sleep last night.
And I also noticed that my body crashed.
Your body crashed?
The bot crashed.
Oh, awesome.
Technical difficulties.
Technical foul.
That's connecting and disconnecting.
Zorin, you've got to fix your bot on the stream, Zorin.
I tried to, but it decided to explode on me.
That's what happened.
Just the Golgothan accent now, by the way.
Thank you.
They're all fucking Whitey from Eight Crazy Nights.
Yeah, I'm not going to let it go unremarked how good your Whitey is, Hulky.
That was an excellent Whitey.
I'm not even going to try to do a Whitey.
I can't do it better than you.
Did you know that they cast me in Eight Crazy Nights, the musical?
That's insane.
Did they even dump, like, a full port-a-potties worth of shit on you?
They did.
My legs are actually prostheses.
They had to cut off my legs so I could accurately portray Whitey's awful little, like, stump shuffle on stage.
It was a really off-putting thing.
Like, they didn't do the Farquaad thing with Shrek the musical, where I just walked on my knees.
No, no, no.
They went the full nine yards, like the full Cotton Hill treatment.
You know, I really respect actors that do that.
Like, if you're going to be Marius and Les Mis, we are going to drag you with open bullet wounds through the Parisian sewers.
And that's immersive.
That's real.
And people want that on stage.
It's true.
Many people are saying this.
Speaking of wanting things on stage.
Many people.
Amazing players bring you the show of rock, right along with everyone supporting it.
Petra.com, first-class narrative declaration.
Of course, the one I want any things on stage, it's Odo.
Hi, hello, it's me, Odo.
Today, I will be bringing you Vina, the sylph swashbuckler.
Then, of course, we have Hoagie.
Hello, I'm Hoagie Crow, and as always, I'll be playing the Kanrasu Warpriest.
Rahua.
There we go, Speaker.
My name is Speaker D, and today I will be bringing you Tanhauser, Wizard of the Revolution.
And we have no Bodrick today.
Aaron Dill is currently out flying about and stuff, potentially going after F-16s and stuff like that.
But, of course, we have someone who's going to try to intercept them.
It's Thurston.
How am I going to intercept?
I'm short and round.
What am I going to do?
You'll be the cannonball that is fire.
That's where the budget of the show went.
We bought a check going to your backyard.
We bought a really big fling shot.
We'll be back, everybody.
We got that, like, I don't want to say cannibal.
Carnival.
Like, that really big, cartoony cannon.
It's all painted, like, red and, like, blue and red and white.
And you're just like, yeah, we'll put you in this.
We're going to aim it at Aaron Dill's plane as he's taking off.
We're going to fire you out.
Yeah, he'll love that.
You're going to have to have a stage name that we're going to call you Chaotic Evil Knievel.
Oh, my God.
With a metaphor, I'm sorry.
He'll be Thurston, Hillman.
It's almost made it into print a few times, I swear.
Almost.
One day it's going to happen.
One day it's going to happen.
Our editors, they tell me every time.
They tell me every time they fix it.
And I'm like, one day.
One day you will.
And I would even be mad that my name is wrong in a book.
Made a wrong in a book.
My name is Zara the Wizard.
And I'll be playing Orin, the Strix Druid, today.
And Thurston, would you like to do the recap?
Or would you like one of us to try?
I mean, I think someone wants a hero point, don't they?
Don't they?
Looks at everybody else.
This is a pretty easy recap.
I know.
Like, yeah, I'll take it.
I know what we can do.
I know what we can do.
I know what we can do.
I know what we can do.
I know what we can do.
I know what we can do.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Maybe we can cheese it today, fellas.
Maybe if we all share the recap today, we might all be able to get a hero point.
That's genius.
True.
Okay.
Let's all go down the line.
We got to ad-lib it.
We got to do that game where you, like, go one word at a time.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
That's a really efficient way to do this.
So here's the order.
We're going to do the recap.
Me and Zoran and Odo and Hulky.
We're going to go, all right, here's the order.
Odo, Hulky, me, Zoran.
And then back to Odo, okay?
One word.
I'm going to fuck this up.
Here we go.
Let's go.
Last.
Time.
On.
Rock Ride.
We.
Attacked.
A.
Martinet.
Who.
Decidedly.
Lost.
To.
Us.
But.
There.
Was.
Some.
Soul.
Fuckery.
Inside.
Combat.
True.
Now.
We.
Own.
An.
Airship.
Stuart.
Ship.
That's one.
That's one.
It's one.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Airship.
Then.
We.
Discovered.
Soylent.
Green.
What?
Delicious.
But.
Also.
It's.
Lady.
Zell.
Who.
Is.
Fucked.
I was.
Shotted.
Stares.
Soylent.
Green.
I had.
Someone.
Say.
Like.
Soylent.
Green.
Is.
Made.
From.
People.
In this case.
She is.
Soylent.
Green.
Kind of.
Is.
That's all I was going for.
She.
She is literally a tree.
So Thurston.
Do we all get a hero point?
Chat.
Give yourself a hero point.
You deserve it for.
Dealing with that.
That's close enough.
Come on.
Come on.
Fine.
Fine.
I'll give you all an extra hero point.
Yay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm happy.
They're killing him.
I'm sorry.
I'm.
I'm not even.
I'm not even still sick.
I'm just coughing.
It's okay.
You're just like me.
A little bit of schmutz in my chest.
That's it.
If you get a few more levels on you.
You'll be wheezing instead.
That's true.
I always cough like a fucking.
Left 4 Dead like smoker.
It's like.
I.
I like fucking live my life.
Like a Left 4 Dead special.
In fact.
And.
If you're not laughing to the point of wheezing.
Or an asthmatic episode.
Are you really laughing?
No.
Speaking of laughing.
Of course.
Our broken stuff.
Just in case someone's like.
I didn't understand anything anyone said.
We basically were.
Went over to the airship docks.
And as we infiltrated.
And dealt with various guards.
That are on the airship itself.
One evil martinet person.
Who could punch.
The literal souls out of people.
Intercepted us.
And with the work of teamwork.
And friendship.
We were able to bring them down.
Because they were the ones assigned.
To protecting this airship.
After dealing with that individual.
We quickly ran down to the engine room.
To see.
What can we do to start this thing up.
But then we found.
Someone.
From Ten Houses Pass.
Was imbued into the ship itself.
In some.
Horrible.
Occult.
Arcane way.
And.
At this point.
Thurston.
I think we're trying to.
Either still figure it out.
Or we got it.
Kind of booted up.
We're trying to get the hell out of here.
So what adventure.
Do you have for us today?
It doesn't take you long.
To break the airship.
Out of the.
The mooring docks.
Of the rook's pilaster.
As you do.
You send into the evening sky.
Away.
From the city of Outset.
Making your way out westwards.
Towards the swamp.
Towards.
Zabble Zap's.
Humble trading outposts.
Which also conveniently.
Has a newly erected airship tower.
It's a work in progress.
Yeah.
That is very convenient.
Hey guys.
It's a very convenient airship tower.
Were they building that?
You spent three months out there.
You spent three months out there.
I am.
I am back dating your actions.
To be building yourself an airship tower.
Because you were so confident.
We're really strong.
Yes.
Baby.
I wanted.
I wanted to be that we.
Somehow Zabble Zap's gotten so much business.
To where Zabble Zap's like.
This airship brings me many goods.
And I can.
I can.
Cut out some middle bands.
And basically made this ramshackle.
Like you can hear the creaks of the wood.
Like how bad it is.
It is not.
It's not going to last us.
Or the next airship.
It's a one-use airship dock.
Yeah.
It's just going to crumble.
Single use.
Single use.
All right.
All right.
At this point.
You begin acquiring your team.
some of your allies who you've waited for to bring back on board.
Now that you have this airship.
Now that you're ready to set out from outset to collect these tokens.
These items that will allow you to access the elemental sites of power.
that you have learned about knowing that the first of these lies in the distant land of the globe.
All right.
Who's the team?
No,
we got to get crunch.
Got to get crunch.
Here,
we'll make it.
We'll do this like tryouts.
We'll do this like tryouts.
Duhakis is like back in outset.
Would we just have grabbed her on the way out?
Or is it just like Duhakis just gets to sit there and eat her depression sweets?
I think Duhakis was meant to be there as like the coordinating events within outset.
I don't think we wanted to snag her.
If I'm recalling correctly.
I think she's funny.
I like her too.
She is funny.
That's why I'm leaving her to deal with outset.
Because,
you know,
she's probably not going to betray us.
Probably.
Probably.
Time to find out.
Hey,
Mr.
Crunch.
Why don't you come up with the airship with us?
Is there a forge on board?
Maybe.
Maybe.
I should go down into the interior.
You're in check.
Hold on.
Mr. Crunch.
Sort of a party boat.
Crunch.
There's a lady who's imbued into the hull of the ship.
Now,
don't try to pull her out or she'll die and then we'll all die.
Got it?
Lady imbued in the ship.
Very,
very,
very,
very,
very,
I'll have to.
We need to put a curtain around that lady.
You know,
she's a real person.
Maybe she still feels something.
Maybe there's something left of her in there.
Jesus Christ.
It's like stealing somebody's soul.
Yeah,
yeah.
God,
we need to.
Channazor is looking right at you,
glowering on top,
like the high deck,
just staring at you.
Oren looks back and he has,
and he looks angry at you.
And he turns away and he goes,
hmm,
anyway.
Why,
why are you two fighting with each other?
Why are you beating?
He called me a rat.
When I was trying to help.
Channazor looks down at Oren,
covered in detritus,
actual insects.
Probably some of you,
Aaron fleas as well.
There's bugs.
Oren,
if your plumage wasn't so nice,
I would be inclined to call you a pigeon more than that.
We should probably get you cleaned up.
Do you,
do you?
We haven't taken a bath since we moved to this swamp.
There's no clean water.
All the,
wait,
I can literally make water.
Why didn't you just ask me?
I don't like your water.
Well,
fuck you too.
Say that,
rat boy.
Your water's yellow.
No,
it's not.
I can't pee.
What is it?
Icor.
There's a little meeting of the minds happening down there.
Let them squabble.
We have better matters to attend to.
All right.
Who invited the ogren?
What the hell is a bell button?
I'm just,
I'm making the tryouts list as I put tokens onto the sheet.
All right.
All right.
Sweet.
One of them,
one of them didn't like load correctly.
I want to do a little bit of a refresh.
Hold up.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
On my screen,
one of the things loaded,
the other one didn't.
So we're going to get that reloaded real quick.
I don't know if you're chatting.
It was just,
just,
there we go.
All right.
That should fix itself.
Oh,
very good.
Very good.
All right.
So if you want to let us know.
Oh,
hell yeah.
We're getting everybody out here.
Everybody's here.
All right.
Next.
Do we all want to like be in a line?
Like,
like a judging line?
Yeah.
Wait,
hold on.
Now they need to get in line.
Yeah.
No,
we need someone here.
So that way we have,
that way we have a symmetry.
That we don't drag myself instead of moving.
Hold on.
Okay.
There we go.
Come on.
Crunch.
Okay.
You can stay in there too,
Crunch.
I was going to move down there.
Yeah.
No,
move Crunch.
Yeah.
Or who goes down there?
That makes sense.
There you go.
Keep going out.
All right.
Who are you?
Oh,
I'm,
you know,
I'm just,
my name's Tonkis and I,
I saw the pretty flowing thing come about and Zabblezap said,
Hey,
you need to start free loading off of my place and you need to kind of,
you know,
get the head out of my own home and stop eating all my food.
So I figured it might be time to get off and get myself a job.
And where do you see yourself in five years?
Eating.
Real.
Do you have any special skills?
I'm big and I eat a lot.
So if there's any excess food you don't need,
I can take care of that.
Oh,
I could also bench press like two carriages.
That's pretty good.
All right.
What would you say is your greatest weakness?
Eating.
It's double-edged sword there,
I guess.
It's,
it's like,
it's a moon,
but also live by the gut,
die by the gut.
I know someone like that.
What is your highest level of attained education?
Uh,
uh,
self-schooled.
Who holds up his hand?
Self-motivated thinker.
How many fingers am I holding up right now?
Who is holding up his entire hand of five?
Oh,
oh,
oh.
That,
Brady?
Any points to your hand?
Oh,
he's good.
He's got you there.
That's pretty good,
yeah.
All right,
um,
are you willing to fight and die for a nebulous political cause that you likely will not comprehend?
Will you feed me?
Probably.
Then yes.
All right,
you're in.
All right.
All right.
do you want to like just sidle them to the back?
Yeah,
put him in the rigging on top of the ship.
We just suspend them there for right now.
That'd be like whenever we're done talking to him,
he just moves to the side.
Yeah,
Tugas has joined the crew.
Yay.
A little fanfare.
And he goes,
and he goes behind us like just to be stored away off frame.
Next.
We're storing our ex's party members in Warhammer's base.
This little halfling comes up.
Nope.
Then she leaves.
Riley!
Riley!
Riley!
She didn't make the cut.
Sorry.
You can't be here.
Okay,
Riley.
Goodbye,
Grandma Sweet.
Well,
come on.
We were going to have Granny Sweet cook for us.
Who is it?
Hello.
I was hoping that you could let me into the party,
and I promise that I will,
well,
pretty much just sort of do everything and stab things with my sword.
and,
you know,
that's basically going to be how it is.
So,
if you promise not to set me on fire,
I will make an excellent addition to the crew.
Hey,
are you,
are you in the wrong campaign?
Killed him!
He's gone.
Just evaporated.
He just vanished.
Yeah,
everyone agreed to hire him,
too.
He just suddenly just,
what?
Thanks,
Doris FM.
Could you describe this man coming up to us?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
He's a very,
uh,
fuckerby man,
if you will.
A,
a sly noble.
Oren looks at Tannhauser,
then he kind of leans over and looks at Veena,
and then he leans further over and looks over her,
and he collectively makes a nod,
hoping everyone understands what must be done.
I understand.
Oren will come up to this man and go like,
hey,
what's your name?
Well,
hello there.
My name is,
Slebergo,
Der Happerby.
Yeah,
you're coming with me.
He drags him over to the side.
What are you doing?
Hey,
guys,
I need some help with this one.
Oh,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
we're good,
we're good.
Yeah,
break his legs.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Break his legs.
Break his legs real quick.
Break his legs.
Yeah,
we throw him off the side,
and we go back to our,
uh,
our post.
The remaining characters all leave out of fear of their lives.
Damn,
we should have kept this bit going on for so much longer.
We just have talked.
I know,
that's the problem.
I could have not GM'd tonight.
I could have sat here for the next two hours
and just let you all play with yourselves.
Yeah,
this is a filler episode.
Yay.
Yeah,
welcome back.
Welcome back,
everybody.
Filler episode.
Hey,
it's never filler if it's funny.
It's true.
So in the final accounting,
we've recruited
Chonkis.
And Kroj.
Oh,
yeah.
How much room do we have?
Do we have enough room for more than men?
Do we need more?
I'm actually gonna,
I'm gonna give this,
uh,
ship a little look over,
and,
uh,
I have,
I have,
I actually don't think I have an appropriate lore for this.
I have lore plane of air.
I should have lore airships,
but I don't.
Here,
you can also have a child.
Push her off.
Oliver twist.
Olivia twist.
You could not be here.
Oh,
God.
Oh,
oh,
oh,
shit.
Step sideways.
Started,
started playing here.
Two seconds for her to disintegrate into ash,
much like my brain.
So for the characters we want to get,
do we want to get the noble mouse or leave him at outset to work with Duhakis?
Uh,
I believe he's also an outset with Duhakis.
I think the,
the only people who we knew were,
uh,
at,
uh,
uh,
the trading post were crunch,
our friends from the Kaibu,
and,
uh,
apparently Chonkis.
There's one more that we need to onboard.
Hmm.
Bantor,
that gentleman from the Bastion Freehold.
Right,
right,
right,
right.
All right,
we did hire him,
didn't we?
Yeah,
it's good.
We did ask his name from the beginning.
Sick Bantz.
Yeah.
Baldrick's downstairs.
Remember,
he's,
he's looking over the ship,
just make sure all the mechanics are working.
All right.
He was really affixed by them.
I see.
I see.
Very well.
Now then.
All right.
I think his exact words were like,
well,
someone has to maintain the ship.
And then he went down and started messing with dials and stuff.
That was a good impression.
He doesn't break anything.
I don't think it could be any more broken than it already is,
Tannhauser.
Do you see what's keeping this thing afloat?
Yes,
I did.
Thank you.
Yeah,
it's not like he's a rat or anything.
Orin kind of crosses his arms and looks away.
Oh,
what the hell are you talking about?
Call me a rat.
He's mad at you.
I am sorry for insulting you.
Now,
can you end this noxious tantrum so that we can get on with our mission?
Not until your attitude gets fixed.
That will take some doing.
I want you.
I want you.
He's like,
we're trying to help Mr.
Tannhauser.
I accept the apology for being called a rat,
but we're trying to help you out too.
We're all in this together.
So we are.
Nevertheless,
I am troubled by many things.
I would request patience.
If you're troubled by so many things,
I might have something that can help you,
Tannhauser.
What on earth could you possibly help me?
Open your tube.
Open your,
your nebulizer.
I have a treat for you.
Open your tube.
Put this in my hand.
I'm not letting you put it directly into my tube.
Okay,
but I,
what if you told me where the tube was and I just knew for future reference?
Looks at his face.
I put the tube further into my,
my outfit.
She's just choking a little bit further.
Yeah.
A raft floats up next to the airship.
Oh.
Who's on the raft?
We have borders.
A gangly man with a cage surrounded by a swarm of dragonflies.
Hey,
lotus.
Loads up the raft.
Hello there.
Hi,
Mr.
Blotis.
Hello,
Blotis.
Hello.
Greetings.
Got any,
uh,
airship supplies on that raft of yours?
Oh,
no.
But,
I did hear from Bug that,
that you're maybe going to Golgotha.
Yep.
Yep.
That seems to be the destination.
Yeah.
How do you know?
Are you,
have you figured out where to dock?
Uh,
uh,
that's actually a good question.
We're going to find a map or something.
You have maps?
Oh,
yes,
yes,
yes,
of course,
of course.
He pulls out this,
like,
fine,
wrought map and places it on the deck.
Well,
consider that,
uh,
a little bit of extra payment in exchange.
Thank you,
guys.
In exchange for...
Well,
if you're wanting to dock with your airship,
because you need a dock,
you're going to need to have permission.
The Western Wasteland airship dock.
One of my family members operates a store there.
His name is Blotus,
the Scarab Merchant.
Oh.
He's going on a vacation.
Oh.
He went on vacation to Golgotha?
No,
from Golgotha.
Ah,
that makes more sense.
But he runs the store
at the airship tower.
So,
he can get you
birthing and docking there.
And in fact,
I've already kind of got it.
We talked this morning.
If you do one thing...
What's that?
You all must staff the store for a day.
Ah,
that's going to be easy.
I've been told I'm good at selling things.
That seems like an equitable exchange.
Our labor for these services.
I find this agreement to be most proletarian.
Very good.
You'll need to go there and meet Mr. Radroud,
the daytime manager.
And I see.
Well,
staffing at your post.
I fucking love our chat.
Just nothing but...
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Is this somebody that they know
that we don't?
No, it's just the concept
of us having to staff a store.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's exactly right.
What could possibly go wrong?
Welcome to Rock Ride,
the campaign that really shows you
what high-level Pathfinder is all about.
Smash cut to us
in the little aprons.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Smash cut to the airship
making its way
to the airship dock
in Golgotha.
This is awesome.
All right, everyone.
This is Salty Jump did this.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Salty Jump.
Sick as hell.
Traveling east
past the great cliff face
away from outset
into the vaster regions
of the Perdoman continent
into the land
known as the Inheritor Lands
where various disparate kingdoms
battle for the former glory
of the Empire of the First House.
You come to the wastelands
of Golgotha.
Orange-hued sand dunes
and rocky outcroppings
marred by industry
far beyond its age
is what you see below you.
Along with vast citadels
of industry
that pocket the area,
the roaming of vehicles below,
this is not a place suitable
for airships.
Until you come across
the airship dock.
It is a ram shackle apparatus
that seems like it could have
almost a half dozen,
maybe even a dozen
different airships docked to it.
It connects to a larger facility
in which you can see
various, um,
like, home edifices
strung up,
kind of like spherical attachments
that people can get to
by gangplanks and ladderways
and ropes.
Um, as you,
as you make your way there
and, and Veena,
you manage to,
to dock the ship.
Do you want to actually
give me a check
to see if you just crash
and the campaign ends?
That'd be awesome.
I'd love to.
Yeah, I think so.
I think we should,
we should give Veena
the opportunity.
Yeah.
All right.
What am I rolling?
We gotta trust Veena
for this.
Yeah.
Easy will be thanking us.
Yeah, industries are poor
right now.
Here's the finale.
Here we go.
Well, what am I rolling?
Well, let's see.
What, what skill
do you think
is appropriate here?
Um, acrobatics
for snap reflexes
and not because
I just have a plus 23.
Uh, performance?
Um, there isn't really
a drive skill, is there?
You know what?
You know what?
There is actually.
It's lore piloting.
Damn it.
How about you give me
that lore plane of air skill?
Plane of air.
All right.
It doesn't have any purpose
in this setting.
So I'm going to look
related to airships.
Oh, you are a blessing, Thurston.
Yeah, because I've been staring
at that lore the whole time.
Like, one day this will be relevant.
One day.
It is to fly an airship.
One day.
Uh, that's a 28.
There we go.
It was teetering on a four
and a 20 and a 14.
And you, you, you nailed it.
Okay.
Yay.
You managed to, to dock the airship.
Coming off, you're in a bustle.
Bustle of individuals.
One thing you know
from your time on the airship.
And we'll, we'll come back
to some of this.
We might do some, some flashbacks
if you will.
Um, but one thing
that you, you've known
is that your airship
cannot be taken from.
Um, Lady Zale's connection
to this machine
means that she will only interface
with those that she recognizes
as, um, as stewards
of, of the, of the airship.
Of which you all were
based on Sandal Declan's, um,
little decision
in the basement
of the, the mansion.
Which is something that Lady Zale
remained aware of.
Which is why this airship
didn't move
even after it was completed.
So you have nothing to fear
of your airship
being stolen.
So, little meta context,
you can leave the airship
and be like,
oh my god,
are we going to lose it?
Like, there will be people
on it to make sure
no one fucks with it,
but no one can like
magically jumpstart it
and run away
and abandon you
and leave you in cold health.
Yeah, I dare anybody
to get past Tronkis.
Well, it's best
that we still maintain
some level of care.
I shudder to think
what would happen
to our airship
even if it couldn't be stolen
if we just docked it
in the wastes.
I'll make sure you take
your valuables off of it.
Let's just get this over with.
Golgotha is a land
of ill repute
and ill omen.
Nothing grand
awaits us here.
I hope they're not going
to make us pay
import duties.
We have a lot of stuff
on this ship to bring off.
Do we?
Do you see what kind of stuff
we carry on us, Vina?
I'm not going to pay
duties on this.
But,
there's something exciting.
Orin kind of like
patters up the Vita
and goes like,
how does it feel
being a captain?
Not going to lie,
it feels really good
to be back.
I mean,
it's no
Papa Storm's crown,
but
being up in the sky again.
Dorin kind of looks around
and kind of like
taps the ship
with his foot
and he's like,
did we ever give
this thing a name?
No,
I don't think
we ever got around
to it.
No,
I don't think we did.
Well,
we would have
crossed the whole ocean.
We got to name it
something.
Yeah,
you didn't cross an ocean.
It's the same continent.
Oh,
it's the same continent?
There we go.
It's a big lake,
Orin.
Usually airships
will earn their names
like
when they go
through something
important.
Hmm.
Okay.
You know,
a name is sort of
a story with
these things.
I can think
of a story.
Regardless,
Orin does like
a little,
he doesn't know
how to salute.
He does like
three different salutes
and then settles
on one.
And he's like,
he's like,
he's like,
your orders,
Captain Vina.
My orders?
Well,
let's,
uh,
get off this thing
and
had two
Zabblezaps
friends,
brothers,
identical clones
ship
or a store.
They are not.
Blotis,
the scarab merchant.
Blotis,
the scarab merchant.
It's not difficult
to remember.
It's Blotis,
but he's surrounded
by dung beetles.
This is true,
but I thought
what I said
was funnier.
It was hilarious.
And then
Tannhauser
just walks off
with grim aspect.
Tanny.
What?
It's gonna be alright.
Tannhauser continues.
Ooh.
Yeah,
I can't really say
I blame the guy.
But,
yeah.
You just kind of
witness his muse
and his purpose
for being
turned into
a glorified battery.
I don't blame him.
Brutal.
Give him some time.
Give him some time.
In the meantime,
I guess we have
a store to run,
so it's not like
we can worry about
that for too long.
That is true.
Well,
a little bit of calm
before the storm
would be welcome.
I've never really
been to Gorgotha
that much.
Or ever,
if I recall.
This hasn't been,
I haven't really been
around that long,
Mina.
I suppose it'd be
for my studies
to see what kind of
wonderful creatures
the Anarchy has
let roam
upon these wild
and untamed lands.
I'm sure they're
just delightful,
teeming with,
oh,
such friendly energies.
Yeah.
I'll bet.
Did we see,
like,
a giant evil-looking
sandworm
on our way in?
No.
No.
No.
No,
no,
we didn't.
Just, like,
roving vehicles below.
I started looking
for people with blue eyes.
You don't see blue eyes,
but you do see
a blue neon sign
that glows and says,
Blotus's airship
Scarab Emporium.
It has two exclamation
points at the end of it.
Wow,
I didn't know
we had this technology.
Wow.
It's magical neon.
Oh,
right,
magical neon.
Yeah.
All of a sudden,
we take a gun
to another con,
it's cyberpunk.
There is a,
like,
aged old man
standing,
or sitting
on a stool
in this,
in this
immense emporium.
Hey there.
Uh,
Blotus the dragonfly
merchant sent us.
Apparently,
Blotus the scarab merchant
needs a little bit
of extra assistance
around here.
Yeah,
me too.
Looks like,
like,
squints.
This old man
squints as he looks
at each of...
You are
the ones
who've
been sent.
That is true.
That is true.
Line up.
He takes,
like,
a hand.
He has a pipe
in his mouth,
a very tiny pipe.
Line up.
Okay.
All right.
Sure.
Okay.
In order of height.
All right.
Smallest,
tallest.
I leave that
in your hands.
Orin stands
to the far left.
I stand next
to Orin.
Who goes
to the far right.
I guess I'm
next to
Veena.
I think Veena's
taller than
Tannhauser.
Is she?
I think so.
What's
Tannhauser's height?
Did I write down
Veena's?
It might be
Tannhauser 2.
Tannhauser 2
was...
I don't know.
It doesn't have
the height here.
It doesn't have
a height box.
I didn't put a height.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.
All right.
All right.
We're going to roll off.
Whoever rolls higher
gets to be taller.
No, I think
Tannhauser's shorter
than Veena.
All right.
Short King.
I think that's true.
I think
Tannhauser's
taller than Aura
and shorter
than Veena.
All right.
Then I will
shuffle
next to
Rahulu.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
The...
It takes you
a while.
This...
This elderly
man does not
look impressed.
Then, like,
puts his arms
behind his back,
attempts to
straighten his back
despite having
this, like,
massive hunch.
Good day.
I am Mr. Rattle,
your daytime manager.
Before we begin,
please look at the sky.
Breathe it in.
And embrace
your impending doom.
I have been running
this store
for five decades.
This is five
more decades
than any life
expectancy
in retail.
True.
You must see the lie.
You see things today.
Yes.
I have.
Your tolerance
must be so high.
That is why
one of my eyes
no longer works.
What?
Why doesn't it work?
If you can find
out which eye
it is
by the end
of this
grueling
endeavor
and should
you survive,
I will give
you a lollipop.
The right one.
You must wait
until the end
of the day.
Damn it.
It's not a lollipop
now.
It's a 50-50.
He told me
by the end
of the day.
If you wish
to return
to your airship
and wait
for those
with more
sound constitution
to survive
this day,
I bid you
to do so now.
No one
will judge you.
No.
We made
a promise
and we
are chuckle fucks
of our word.
They spent
several score
in a vandal army.
Your store
doesn't scare me.
He turns around
leaving his back
to all of you.
So be it.
Ard looks at
his friends.
What do we sign up
for?
Um,
retail work?
A war,
Oren.
A war
to end
all wars.
A nine
to five.
Fuck.
Rohua
fishes out
an apron
from his orb.
No!
Pulls out a cigarette.
He turns.
You must wear
the vests.
Oh,
there's a uniform.
That is right.
Come.
Back here.
My whole
ensemble
is part of
my
charm.
All right.
All right.
Let me
take the
if the vest
doesn't match.
I did not say
take it yet.
Wait.
Wait.
You see.
First,
we must pray.
Pray to who?
Should you not
believe in a deity,
should you be an atheist,
you may pray
to science
or offer yourself
to the rot
before we begin?
All right.
He looks down
at the ground
clearly praying.
I'm going to say
a prayer
to both
Crawdadamus
and
Papa Storm.
Okay.
Tannhauser
will say
a prayer
to the
proletariat.
Okay.
And the revolution.
Ruhu will say
a prayer
to the anarchy
and pray
that the shift
is over soon
or that he
doesn't remember it.
Or pray
through the greening way.
Very good.
This
is the first vest.
Who will be
brave enough
to take this
upon themselves?
I volunteer.
Are you sure,
Veena?
Yep.
It could be mine.
I'm brave.
I'm a brave girl.
I can put on
the vest.
Take it.
It belonged
to Edwin.
The fireman.
What happened to Edwin?
He made the connection.
Now,
imagine,
he kind of tears up
a bit,
looks away.
The camera,
the camera,
the camera,
like,
focuses on
Mr. Rattle's
face.
Like,
like,
then you have,
like,
white noise,
like,
this kind of,
like,
buzzing sound
that drowns out
all other sounds
as his eyes
just stare
into the camera.
He's got a thousand
yards,
a thousand
sails there.
He made
the mimic.
It was difficult
to put the pieces
together.
Oh,
oh,
oh,
oh,
my,
my,
my,
my apologies.
No,
no,
no,
he,
he,
he got admitted
into college.
Oh.
Oh.
Good for him.
Take the second vest.
Was his major
in retail sciences?
Oh,
sorry.
What,
did he take
a fucking degree
in philosophy then?
He went down
the path
of those people
who figure out
where to put
the candy
in the aisle
so you get
more enticed
to buy stuff
as you're waiting.
He's that
motherfucker.
Understandable.
And then he was
crushed.
Oh,
there we go.
He went in
for some kind
of worthless degree
like,
like graphic design.
Without going
for the doctorate.
the student debt
crushed him.
They say he's
still buried
under it.
Yeah,
that'll happen.
Yeah,
that's crazy.
Lightning flashes
over the great
and powerful
student named
Debt
who crushes
all who oppose him.
Hey,
chat,
type one,
type one
in chat
if you,
if you,
uh,
have,
have debt
due to an art
degree.
Well,
I guess
I have to
type one.
Oh,
God.
It's up there
with the number
of oh,
no's.
How much,
hey,
hey,
chat,
if you're willing
to be a bit
personal,
uh,
type in
how much money
you still owe
in student debt.
That's,
uh,
ugh.
And your social
security number
and your phone
number
and your area.
Oh,
please type in
whatever ID you
use in your FAFSA
as well,
just for,
it's for a giggle,
you know.
Reasons.
Yay.
But who,
who among you
will take the second vest?
Uh,
I,
I will take
the second vest.
All right.
Shivers.
It is,
it is torn up
and like covered
in a dark crimson.
I should mention
these vests
are like blue.
They're kind of like,
you know,
like big box market
greeter,
uh,
vests.
This one is torn up
and like,
like,
like doused
in deep crimson.
Why does it look
like this?
Ah,
yes,
put it on.
Don't say it like that,
man.
It puts the,
it puts the outfit
on the skin
or else it works
third shift again.
Rahua puts it on
crying just a little bit.
Good.
It fits.
I was worried.
It was a defect
from the factory.
Red dye got into it.
All right.
Who wants the third one?
Also has a ghost in it.
I will take
the ghost vest.
I will take
the third vest
old man.
You do not know
what you ask for.
He pulls out
this like,
pristine vest,
handing it ceremoniously.
You are on
borrowed time.
Is it pristine
because,
because we look at it
and it has
the badge
manager on it?
What curse
lies woven
between these
fabric threads?
It is jubilation.
It's,
it's jubilation.
You will find joy
if you put
this vest on.
I do not
know joy.
And I will
put the vest on.
Very good.
And you.
He turns
to Oren.
Are you ready?
I,
I,
I guess.
Excellent.
As the youngest,
you shall have
this vest.
It's yellow.
you shall have
the honored
role
of trainee.
me.
No.
No.
No.
But you must
be quick to put
this on.
Why?
Because
our first
customer is
arriving.
Does it have
holes in the back?
put it on
quickly.
You do not
know what you
dance with here.
He struggles,
but it doesn't
fucking fit the
way you fell off.
The storm approaches.
The torrential rains
will undoubtedly be
out of doing
unless you put
this on now.
Increase your
speed,
child.
He struggles,
but it's all
fucked up.
the ground
begins to shake
as though
something monumental,
titanic,
or just incredibly
heavy is walking
towards all of you.
All of you.
Now is the time.
You must prepare
yourselves and
become ready.
You must become
ready for what is
to come.
If you are not
prepared,
if you do not
stand by your
co-workers,
you will all die.
Brace yourselves.
A great challenge
approaches.
Oh,
okay.
Wait,
who's going where?
RING IT IN HALF!
And I'll run
out the door
to open it.
All right.
All right,
how you...
All right.
And approaching
comes.
I will allow
someone else
to narrate
what approaches.
They are small.
Very small
in comparison
to everyone
to everyone
else here.
They stand
about three
and a half
foot tall.
One and a half
foot being
their head.
They have
ape-like,
shimp-like arms
and a
body
with orange,
yellowish,
almost mucus
yellowish skin.
and you can
see a big
helmet
made out of
what seems
to be
looted
equipment
from some
large,
massive
mechanical
behemoth
just turned
into a weird
mask.
And then other
looted garments
such as belts,
overalls,
whatever,
snagged onto
their body
and just belted
on there.
and this
little creature
stands in front
of the door
and goes,
hi.
Hi, how are you
doing?
Welcome to
the blotis,
the scarab
merchant.
Yeah, yeah.
Welcome to the
good blotis,
home of the
scarab merchant.
Can we help
you with your
order?
Yeah.
You got my
stuff?
Your stuff?
What's your
order number?
My order
number is...
What is my
order number?
It's...
She flips
through her
various books
of things that
she has,
most likely
stolen.
This one
holds off
just a
seemingly
stolen
old
delivery note
for someone
else.
Ruhua takes
the note.
That one?
That one goes
here, right?
Thurston,
does this note
go here?
What kind of
check do you
have to verify
this?
Does it bear
the mark of
the store?
What kind
of skill check
do you have?
Okay.
Lore branding?
Lore wage
slavery.
Excellent.
Good.
I would
say
it would
be a
society
check.
We do
live in one.
True.
I've heard
that.
Okay.
Okay,
give me a society
check.
Sus!
Sus!
Sus!
Sus!
Sus was
destroyed?
Sus!
Sus!
Sus!
No, no, no,
no, no!
15.
Oh, 15.
Okay.
Yeah.
You think it
belongs to this
store.
Okay.
Okay.
It looks,
yeah, it looks
like something
we'd have here.
Let me go
in back and
see if it's
ready.
Thank you.
It's supposed
to be 15
rations.
Wait.
Trainee,
come here.
Mr.
Rattle
drags you
over.
Ah!
Do you see
the casualness
with which
your companion
has spoken
to the
customer?
I'll try to
correct him
right away.
I'll beat
them until
morale improves.
Yes, good.
Please.
Demonstrate.
Oren takes
his staff.
Don't try
to the
customer that
way.
The Oren
kind of
bows three
times to
the customer
going,
we're very
sorry,
we're very
sorry,
we're very
sorry,
clunk.
And I
basically tried
to hit
Rua with
the, I
can't target
for a thing
right now
because I
set the
old mods
up that
way.
I got the
roll here
though.
20, 20
plus, okay,
I rolled
the two.
I basically
probably whiff.
I would
like to
react.
I would
like to
snap and
block.
Okay.
We're very
sorry, we'll
get your
order number
and your
order out
here.
Pronto,
thank you
Mr.
customer for
shopping at
the Scarab
Lord store.
Don't worry
about it.
Don't worry
about it.
I'm the
first time
here.
It is our
pleasure.
It is our
pleasure.
It is our
pleasure.
Bowls five
times.
There is
like a
resounding
thump
sound as
Mr.
Rattle hits
the floor
after the
deflected
quarterstaff
hit his
head.
No!
Oh, no!
Well, I guess
that was the
last straw,
huh?
Oren starts
putting up
do not slip
signs around
him.
I outline
his body
in chalk.
Oh, no!
The
owner is
unconscious.
Where have
I seen
this before?
Wait, I
know what
to do
when this
happens.
And Rahua
goes outside.
He turns
the sign
of the
door over
to on
break
for 15
minutes.
And then
Rahua
comes back
on side
and he
lights up
a cigarette.
I'm on
smoke break.
It's
going to be
back home.
The little
creature does
a grabby hand
towards Rahua.
Can I
bomb one?
Can you
bomb?
Oh, yeah,
sure.
Rahua gives
the small
creature a
cigarette.
Yeah,
they eat
it.
You know,
eating
cigarettes
is bad
to your
health.
One of
three
outside
doctors
says
this.
What?
You're
supposed to
smoke them.
They're
healthy if
you smoke
them.
They're
healthy if
you smoke
them.
Yeah.
Whoa.
They stare
off into
the ether
like that
is like
some
revelation.
Hold
on a
second.
Hold
on a
second.
Yeah,
that's
true.
I've
always
eaten
them.
I found
these on
like a
bunch of
people out
there in
the desert.
Where did
you find
them?
Oh,
no.
Huh?
I turned
to attention.
Looking at
the break
sign is
an immense
creature,
larger than
an ogre
making
Chonkis
look small
by comparison
with bat
like wings
and a
great hat
that covers
much of
their like
that covers
their head
and they
sort of wear
these robes
over a
shirt that
is a dress
shirt stretched
to its
limits.
Was I
late?
Not
again.
Arne quickly
rushes over,
flips over the
sign and
says,
I spoke to
the gun
blotus
hold of the
scarab
blotus.
Can we help
you with
your orders?
Hello.
Looks down.
Train
E.
Hi, I'm
Train E.
Orin.
It's nice to
meet you.
How can I
help you?
you talk
very
quick.
It's for
your efficiency,
sir.
Very
good.
should I
come back
when the
break
is over?
The break
is now
over.
We can
help you
now.
Orin, if you
turn that sign
around, I'm
going to call
my union.
He looks
back at you,
smiles.
The sign's
already turned
over.
Sorry, I
don't think
there are
unions in
Golgotha.
Tanny, are
there unions
in Golgotha?
There sure
are now.
I am
officially the
union
representative.
Let's
go!
Come on,
if nobody
got me,
Tannhauser's
got me.
Burgers of the
Wastes
Unite.
We have
already unionized
the store.
Sir, can I
convince you to
contribute to
the Brotus
the Scarab
Urgent union
fund so that
we can host
a
pizza party?
Ah, yes.
I will fund
a pizza
party.
As someone
who owns
many operations,
I understand
the tool of
oppression
that is the
pizza party,
and I will
support it.
Yes.
We industrial
folk
must stay
together.
He pats his
belly very
slowly during
this.
Yes, you're
right.
Our class
interest.
We must
arraign and
crush down
the proletarians.
Yes, that's
exactly what we
have to do.
So, can I eat
that one?
And points
to snot.
No, they're
not for sale.
They're a
customer.
I.
Oh.
Is that what you came
here to do?
Would I interest you,
little one,
in a
pizza party?
Whoa.
What's that?
It is a
wondrous
event.
This ain't some
cult, right?
And she looks
around, like,
confused at
everyone else
around.
Okay.
Give me a
perception check.
I roll a
26.
Absolutely a
cult.
This guy is,
like, an
absolute cult
leader.
Like, if it
weren't, like,
like, if the
tiny, like,
bat wings and,
like, ominous,
like, darkness
over his eyes
and the tattoos
and, like,
the small,
like, charms
coming off the
rim of the hat
weren't enough.
Yeah, this guy
runs a cult.
Okay.
Nah, I
don't care
how big
and round
you are.
No, I
don't want
any of that.
Whoa.
Okay.
Oh, look,
they have dill
pickles on
saying.
Yeah,
would you like
a friend to
I saw
it first.
Trainee,
get me
the dill
pickle.
Uh,
okay.
Uh,
is there
only one
dill pickle?
Is it
like a
desiccated,
like,
like,
a little,
like,
like,
shrivel,
like,
it's all
on its
left?
No,
it's one
big dill
pickle in
a jar.
It's the
big papa pickle.
Yeah.
It's,
it's,
it is
shriveled
and desiccated
and that's
why there's
a sticker
on it
that says
clearance.
You,
it's right
on the pickle.
You're the
pretty one,
give me the
pickle.
Oh,
Oh,
I guess
Oh,
me?
Well,
this is awkward.
Tenny,
Tenny,
you are
beautiful.
I mean,
if you're
gonna twist
my arm
about it,
I suppose
I have
to do
it,
you know.
Classical
Gotham
beauty.
That's
right.
It's not
about
the
okay
sign.
Yeah.
Wait.
The
okay
sign.
There
is
only
one
way
to
solve
this.
Tell me
more.
He looks at
snot.
Not at
you.
He looks
at
snot.
Our
No.
We
have
them
fight
for
us.
Your
store
clerk
versus
my
store
clerk.
hold
hold on.
Which
one's
whose?
Yeah.
The
trainee
is
mine.
That
guy.
And she
points at
Oren.
He looks
small.
He's like
dwarfed by
this
mass that
comes behind
him like this
looming shadow
who puts a
hand on
Oren's
shoulder.
snod
snod
looks back
snod
looks back
over at
Tannhauser
and goes
yeah I'll
take that
bit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I imagine the
camera was like
I'll take the
small one and it
turns to a PNG
of a small
bird.
big hyper
realistic hand
comes on
screen grabs
Oren.
Okay little
bird you
can take
him.
He looks at
Tannhauser.
Are we
doing this?
Danny if you
hurt Oren
I have to
say
I am
never going
to forgive
you.
Look at him
he's just a
little guy.
Yes I'm
aware of how
little he
is.
You will
do it for
Felgo
Golfin
right?
No I
won't do it
for you.
I'll do it
for the
working class.
That's me.
I mean do
you own
land or
capital?
No.
Okay
great.
Here have
you ever
read any
ideas?
Way to
assume.
No I
was asking.
Yeah.
The way
would you
assume
before?
No because
I didn't
assume because
I asked
for more
information.
I didn't
know whether
or not
you were.
If I
assume.
Sure.
Sure.
Typical
vandal
ganger.
Yeah well
you know
what I
don't even
know who
you associate
with but
well
I'm
snot a
goblin.
You're
not you're
not a
goblin.
I'm
snot a
goblin.
Snot a
goblin.
It's not a
goblin.
Yeah.
So what
snot are you?
What's
snot a goblin?
What's
snot a goblin?
All right
Oren I need
to kill you
now I think.
No I'm
going to look
at Oren and
I'm going to
say hey
Oren.
Yeah.
So basically
I'm going to
I'm going to do
something you just
pretend like it
killed you.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Get ready.
Oh I'm
going to kill
him.
I'm going to
I'm going to
I'm going to
get you.
Here take
this and
I'll lightly
tap my
my my
my fist
on his head
very lightly.
Oh yeah.
Take another
one of those
and I'll
see you
do
a nice
little uppercut
yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
And then
finishing
move
axe
handle
don't bring
it down
very slowly
on his
head
just kind
of like
slowly but
surely
like
goes to
his knees
lays down
Oh wait
hold on
I'm going to
I'm going to
make sure
wait wait
wait
I'm going to
make sure
he falls
down on
the carpet
he falls
on the
carpet
yeah
okay
all right
are you
good
he lays
there dead
all right
he's dead
Snot turns
to Veena
and goes
he's just a
pretty face
right
oh
Tanny
yeah
like
look at
him
oh
he's got
a little
something
rattling
around
between
his
ears
he's
more
than
just
his
beautiful
body
doesn't
seem
like
it
Mr.
Rattle
bolts
up
I see
we've
had our
first
casualty
tragic
but
expected
it is
the
Golgothan
way
the
sands
will
take
them
yes
you
you
now
bear
the
mark
of
trainees
not
it
takes
the
trainee
best
off
of
the
down
door
no no no
no
I'm
I'm a
customer
I'm a
customer
no
no
you keep
what you
kill
wait does
that mean
that if
I
lost
then he
would
have
been
the
new
trainee
now we
shall
mourn
for
the
trainee
yes
that's
right
Oren
doesn't
move
a
goddamn
muscle
it's not
puts
the
vest
on their
head
but can't
move it
past their
mask
so it
just sits
on top
of their
head
and they
start
doing
the
prayer
with
Mr.
Rattle
I'll
as
everyone
prays
I'll
approach
the
the
man
of whom
I've
defeated
the
champion
of
so as
a
consolation
prize
I suppose
you want
me to
bring
this
body
to
where
you
came
from
so that
way
you can
consume
it
well
a nerve
something
happens
with
Oren's
leg
and it
like
kicks
Tannhaus
I was like
the nerves
of the power
you're still
firing
shut up
you don't
exist
anymore
I wasn't
going to
be greedy
but I did
want
a snack
I see
which
airship
did you
come in
on
oh no
I
walk
damn
well
airships
are
for
the
rich
they
keep
us
middle
classers
down
oh my
god
your
petite
bourgeois
all of
that
and
your
petite
bourgeois
well
I thought
you were
a big
shot
hombre
I thought
you were
I thought
you were
real
real
blood
sucking
parasite
but it
turns out
you're a
barnacle
on top
of a
barnacle
give me
the
respect
for that
yeah
absolutely
my bad
he turns
running away
crying
I'm a big
shot
I'm a big
shot
you're
nothing
go back
to the
slum
you over
right
rotten
dick
does he
not take
his pickle
and oren
with him
he does
not
well I guess
that means
this pickles
all years
here you go
oh thank
you
they open
it with
their teeth
and then
they eat
it
and
and drink
all of the
pickle juice
and then like
start crunching
up the jar
and start
eating that
too
oh very
nice
so mr
rattle
is there like
a commission
deal for
every sale
that you
make
because it
looks like
I just
made a
sale
oh can I
tip
yeah yeah
yeah what you
got
is the first
step to
damnation
do you wish
to fall
well don't
threaten me
with a good
time
here
uh
snot takes
up a
bag
that has
nothing else
with their
visual appearance
to do
and it has
like blood
stains on it
and puts it
on the
on the
counter
here you
can have
this
uh it's
full of
like 50
gold pieces
worth of
silver
oh
yeah this
isn't the
sketchiest bag
of money
i've ever
owned
yeah
do you
see
do you
see what
happens
to those
who do
not adhere
to hubris
who may
may get
survive
this day
and do
justice
to the
memory
of edwin
rest in
peace edwin
rest in
peace edwin
rest in
peace edwin
rest in
peace edwin
and you
this one's
turns to
rahua
there
there was
a smoke
break
i could
smell it
on the air
still
there was
the other
guy
what
other
guy
the other
guy
it was the
other guy
the new
other guy
the new
employee you
hired
yeah
he got
eaten my
worms
turns to
orrin on
the floor
yeah
he couldn't
handle it
that one
mm-hmm
he ate
one cigarette
and he died
instantly
he should have
smoked it
and then he
would have
resurrected
immediately
it just
metabolized in
his body
and into
smoke
the wrong
way
you know
how birds
are
i rescind
i rescind
my prior
benediction
for his
death
yeah
i spit on him
mr rattle
spits on you
warren
oh my god
warren
oh no
balls of fist
but he still
plays dead
arthur fist
wait wait wait
wait
i think i can
fix him
wait wait
i don't think
that's necessary
i mean he's
pretty stone cold
dead
i don't think
yeah i know
he's very dead
no
no
he must
wait wait
he must be
trained more
it's true
it's true
death is not
the end of retail
i shall call forth
his spirit
from the dead
snot walks
forward
and then kicks
oren once
thoughts back down
the ritual
the ritual of
resurrection
is complete
rise
trainee
or
what happened
i heard
you were smoking
oh that was me
oh that was me
i'd die
if i smoke
yeah
what you did
team meeting
everyone in a line
we're shooting
yeah come
come along
training arms
wait a second
mr rattle
i'll do no such
thing
i know who was
really smoking
oh no
and it was so
obvious the entire
time
to think we were
all fools
in your little
puppet show
but now i see
the truth
mr rattle
what's that
between your
lips
it's a pipe
yes
you were smoking
on break
no i wasn't
keep smoking
nuh uh
i cast press
agitation
to make his
pipe smoking
just yeah
how do you
explain that
he cuts
he cuts to
the core of
your being
tan hauser
he he cuts
into your
soul
with four
words
because
i'm
the
manager
dun
dun
dun
shut
so
oh
i suppose
that means
that you
you have
hierarchy
over us
don't you
almost
as though
you know
scripted
takes the
pipe
out of
his mouth
just to
to blow
a bit more
smoke
before putting
it back
in with a
slight smile
it is
all right
i have
learned the
error of
my ways
in this
war
you must
be able to
trust those
by you
companions
in conflict
snot
trade
fests
with
tan hauser
he's the
trainee now
he's the
trainee
i am not
the trainee
you promised
me joy
does this
mean that
i got a
promotion
yes
yes
no
no
let's put
let's
let's
put it
to a
union
vote
all in
favor
of
me
trending
my
vest
say
aye
aye
orange
looks down
and he's
like i'm
not wearing
a vest
so i don't
have a
job
he's
free
run
it's
orange
shopping
that's
all right
that's
one vote
for aye
all
all others
seem to
abstain
it seems
as though
the nays
have it
snot walks
over
to rehua
and goes
ten gold
pieces
and you
say aye
yeah
here we
go
she gives
you 15
gold pieces
thanks slime
aye
watch
you
just a
hat shake
with him
don't worry
everyone
everyone looks
good in
yellow
now put
it on
no you
can't do
this to
me
now
i've
sacrificed
a moment
of silence
for clerk
tannhauser
for clerk
tannhauser
is no
more
defeated
in the
winds of
war and
battle
from the
ashes
shall rise
trainee
tannhauser
this
indignity
it
it requires
satisfaction
tannhauser
says
it's a
yellow
vest
don't
worry
don't
worry
my
experience
as a
trainee
was
great
really
yeah
i got
to kick
a guy
and she
points
at
them
orange
looking at
various
seeds
he's like
ah
these
would be
really
good
veena's
two aisles
over with
orange
she's like
behind one
of the
free
sample
things
like
can i
interest
you
in a
free
sample
of some
Golgotha
mist
today
sir
oh
i would
love
some
yeah
yeah
it's
a fizzy
beverage
that makes
you feel
like you're
dying
oh
awesome
it takes
a
fizzy
beverage
a figure
appears
between
veena
and
orrin
a like
like
heavily robed
figure
with a
breathing
apparatus
device
glove
like thick
black gloves
with little
backings
yes
i would
like
the
fizz
oh
yeah
here we are
Golgotha
mist
it is
technically
zero
sugar
and zero
calories
because the
sweetener that was put inside of this is technically considered an illegal war crime in most countries around the world
you are knowledgeable
i know i love my fizzy beverages it's really good mixed with a little bit of vodka
i cannot drink alcohol like that it clogs the machine oh understandable well it's also good with a little spritz of lime
i like spritzes of lime too
great give it a try
i will
just spritz it in his face
but not right now
i can't
it won't work
oh well if you would like to take some cans home for later we have six packs on sale right now buy two get two free
yes please show me these cans
hey man
let's not
oh fuck
zoran
good night everybody
good night everybody
they actually come in bottles
uh now
did someone
hey guys check out my big jugs
i say taking a few big jugs of Golgotha
wow
i can't believe i can't believe i can hold these giant melons in my hand he turns around holding water
those are big naturals
they even got hoops on them
hey did anybody see my big hooters anywhere or who turns around looking for sorcerers
now you you're a saucer king you have two saucers with you
it's true
you just can't see them because it's on his head
but i did find these two seven women's breasts
welcome to Golgotha
let's take a break right there
okay
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the individual standing by vena
yes
i would like to make purchases
what can i get for you
things
all right you're gonna have to be more specific so i can help you check out
many explosives
oh many explosives um
hey uh uh uh
hey boss man mr rattle
what isle are the explosives on again
you have opened the pandora's box
why is everything a doomsday with you
he's a retail worker
i know but come on
it's not the rapture
i mean have you seen golgotha
well i would consider the fact that mass layoffs would be the rapture so sorry
my bad
ah ah yeah
oh explosives all right
i must take them to the back room
but you know that if you go there you walk alone
only you and the customer may tread that path
there's a sign that says one employee one customer only
by the door
okay thanks boss
and i'm going to
acting as if that is completely normal
just right this way
uh right this way sir
and or madam and or friend
yes thank you friend will do nicely
excellent
you see the explosives
and like as
as this as this happens
like mr rattle
mr rattle turns
like all right
we should take a moment
once again
to pray
we do not know if they will return
oh it's prayer time
it is
get close
it is
like five
uh five
corridors away
is prayer
all right
we must
pray
that our employee comes back to us
but more importantly
that our customer leaves a good review
pray to the five stars
do not be greedy
for all will suffice
all right
i mean
please don't return your order
please leave me five stars
please let me fix your order
can we recruit him on the uh uh on the airship
i will set up an airship gift shop
purely so mr rattle can man it
he's a chief of morale
he's gonna make sure the morale doesn't get too high
exactly exactly
guys guys look
we finally found land
and we can finally get food
dark places are on those arms
dark places
oh man someone's birthday
i have the chance for death
they're working
whichever closer to failure
soon your age will catch up with you
and then you will find
how icky and gross it is
when you fall into the rotting mass
on the bench of your grave
i so so get big props to me
h behemoth who was over at our place
um like a month or two ago
and got me on a video
called um uh it's insane driver's ed
teacher scares students
uh which is exactly where this npc is based off of
and i strongly recommend
that you all go and watch that in the future
but yes
all right i'm brave in the back room
the back room
okay so like you open up the back like the back room
and like as you get there
mr rattle like rushes up
oh i forgot
uh-huh
you have earned this
on your knees
oh okay all right
on your knees now
oh okay okay okay
i'm on them
the junior daytime supervisor
and you shall have this key
this is a backup of this larger key i have
it will allow you
access to the back room
thank you
i will do my level best not to abuse this power
that much
do not
do not
and he simply turns like shaking his head
do not
and walks away
all right well um
thank you customer for being here to uh um
being here present for the greatest moment of my life
i wouldn't want to spend it with anyone else
let's get you some bombs
explosives
yep
and like you you open it up and i don't know like this is
i i just assume that the room is what any american firework store looks like
i've never been in an american
yeah it's it's oh my god
it's uh
it's it's uh yeah
no it's wall to wall
things that
things that might kill you
let me let me tell you what a fireworks store is
it's not a store
it's a tent
it's a tent out in the middle of fucking nowhere
and they're always red and white
yeah like
or a truck
yeah it's it's always just like
yeah there's only like a guy out in the back of
somewhere on the side of the road
go get your free phone
get your fireworks folks
and he's got the weirdest stuff
and there's always it's either that
or the the red and white tent
they're always red and white
they're always striped
i don't know if they ever
decided to evolve from that formula
but it's always the same
and you walk inside
it smells of gunpowder
and cheapness
and you just see
the most wildest garbage
in the world
like like black cat racers
and then like big
like bin big bombing bitches
like fireworks
and the terminator
and it's a picture of like
um sylvester stallone on it
and then you see one with like
the world of warcraft pictures on it
saying like fantasy air
or some shit
like or like the orc explosion
orc exploder
and all this other stuff
you find that it looks like a minigun
but it actually is just like a burning snake
it's well
hold on there zorn
i may not be some big desert lobster
but not every fireworks store
is a striped tent
i'll have you know
are you well actuallying fireworks
oh no
i am for very good reason
because
and it's a shame
that the pandemic took them
but down in erie
erie pa
there did exist
a wonderful
brick and mortar
firework store establishment
but not just a firework store
it was a
combination
jelly belly outlet
and firework store
but not just jelly belly
and fireworks
they also sold melee weapons
like explicitly
melee weapons
including mall ninja
shredder arm gauntlet
shit
they found the stock
that all the malls got rid of
they're just like
yeah yeah
these people are buying fireworks
and buying this stupid shit
oh my god
i miss that store
every time i pass through erie
that was
it was a rite of passage
get it my ninja stars
my fireworks
and some jelly bellies
for the road
i have to
i i have
literally i googled up
fireworks tent
and it's immediately the tent
i'm thinking of
immediately
i i'm gonna
i'm gonna i'm gonna show this
real quick
so we're detracting from our game
but i i am hyper fixated
now this is what they look like
like this is what the people want
yeah just a
like red and white striped one
and then like the interior
they have the interior here too
hold up
oh i have it
it's just all these plywood
like desks and everything
hold on i have the other image
don't worry i got you
i can't i can't wait to learn
about high level pathfinder
i'm gonna watch this narrative
declaration show
it's gonna teach me
i'm learning so much more than
high level pathfinder
i need to come back every week
we're gonna zoom in
we're gonna zoom in
we have the big red thunder
oh the big red thunder
and then we got the sky bomb
buy one get three
buy one get three free
and then we have the
the black shirt
shirt defender
shirt defender
you know is that the name
i i should point out that a rock grind
is officially sponsored
by polino fireworks
yeah
i want to be sponsored
by big red thunder
i you know
this is important to pathfinder
because if paizo is ever
hurting for spell
spell name ideas
you can just walk into
an american fireworks store
oh my god you're right
dear freelancer
please write the black shirt
defender spell
yeah
third or fourth rank spell
somewhere
black shirt defender
that hurts you
i cast big red thunder
so so zoran
zoran felt really bad about
you know just like
i'm sorry to derail
but the fireworks
you know like
we need to
we need to discuss this
have we got that out of our system
can i can i bring us back on topic
you can be a game master again
yes
okay i'm gonna be a game master
by introducing our next customer
oh yes
okay
oh
hulky i want you to describe
the diminutive
tiny sized figure
that approaches
into the store
trundle is not a good word
putters in
a small
one to two foot
tall creature
very mouse-like
with a face
full of hair
little whiskers
little wispy
might actually be whiskers
coming from its nose
and its eyebrows
holding a massive black
engraved hatchet
looking to be taller
than it
cloaked in a small
woodland sage tunic
and a bright
red cap
this small
creature
trundles up
to you
Oren
he come
no no no
not to Oren
he's coming up to
Tannhauser
oh my mistake
yeah Oren doesn't work here anymore
how did
yeah you're right
he's an employee
i forgot you're unemployed
stay up
with the retail politics
yeah yeah
how did
how could you forget
Oren quit like a week ago
i'm on smoko
i don't have to care
hello
greetings sir
madam
i am trainee
Tannhauser
how may i provide you
excellent service
today
i want to buy your tree
fuck it
sure
excellent
turns and starts like
waddle walking
towards
Rua
hey Rua
what Tannhauser
this guy wants to buy you
oh who doesn't these days
i'm not for sale
hi there
i'm going to live in you
what
you know it wouldn't be so weird
if that wasn't the first time
that i didn't hear that
i
what are you offering
can you pay rent
no
i'm going to live in you
doesn't he mean
gnome
i'll salty get a hero point
i'll see my
oh guys
salty
yeah
on a scale of average cute
how cute is snot
is snot cute enough
to avoid ire
snot
snot is the type of creature
that moves in ways
they shouldn't move
and
oh good
and smells like
a mixture of
like
bath
rinser
and rust
and like
stolen goods
and tobacco
that has been eaten
instead of smoked
you wouldn't hit a girl goblin
would you
what
yeah you wouldn't hit a goblin
right
and when
when they turn around
they look like
the weirdest pug creature
you've ever seen
in the sense that
they don't look at you
they look at the two walls
besides you
you can judge
if that's cute or not
i'm getting
roshi vision here
for who looks down
at the small customer
do you have anything
you can leverage
to live inside
i might be able
to hook you up
but you've got to
sweeten the pot
he starts like
like
lining up
his hatchet
to your knee
oh
i'm lining
something up
you know
i'd love to help you
because as you know
as as we are fellow workers
i believe it is
in our
our rights to
look out for each other
and support each other
uh you know
workers rights and all
but you see
the thing is
i look right at him
and i cast grease
on the floor
thing is
i gotta mop up
this big puddle
of grease
that's
crazy
you see
so uh
hey uh
hey salty
yeah
out of character
how much health
do you have
that's
that's great
i'm really glad
you have that much health
yeah
yeah
all goblins do
by the way
that's
that's crazy
yeah
yeah
goblins are actually
the strongest creatures
average
but are you
snot a goblin
yeah
i'm snot a goblin
you're snot a goblin
so uh
i'm really
i'm really happy
i'm really happy
that we're all
on the same page
and we're really
we're really hammering home
this whole class traitor
stick that you really
hammered into me
over three arcs
tanhauser
hey do you want to see
how you were born
here
what
snot do you want to see
how you die one day
huh
you little one
huh
do you want to see
the end of all things
okay
okay
uh i
i arrange myself
at a particular formation
to catch
all three of you
in a 15 foot cone
and i cast
cast in a time
oh no
please uh
please cast the spell
can you uh
can you make me
a dc29 fort save
uh
can you cast the spell
into chat for us
sure go ahead
cast so we know
what the hell you're doing
yeah so
you release a wave
of temporal energy
that sends creatures
violently tumbling
through time
scarring their thoughts
with the information
flowing around them
although the journey
can feel like it lasts
for minutes or even days
the targets reappear instantly
witnessing this chaotic
flow of time
and being bashed
against objects
from different times
seals the target
5d8 mental damage
and 5d6 bludgeoning damage
with a fort save
a creature that falls
into time
disappears until the end
of your turn
it then reappears
in the same space
it left
if the space is occupied
it appears in the nearest
empty space
chosen by the gm
i don't think we're getting
that pizza party
so i don't have a
i don't have a token
targeted
i'll just roll a 42
as normal
yeah one sec
i'm gonna
give me a moment
here
please do
i'm gonna pull up a token
for this gnome
how exciting
i'm gonna use this
level 1 gnome bard
i kept waiting
to see if you would
like be like
oh yeah
yeah sure homeboy
you can come live
live with me
and you were gonna
cast pet cash
on him
oh no
pet cash
that would've been
really funny
i was gonna let him
up until he tried to
start sizing up
my knee for firewood
you just absorb him
into your orb
and he's just stuck
in there
if he survives the
travel i might just
take him
hey thurston can i
get a token
he critically failed
so please roll
damage
oh my god
absolutely
did you cast it
on all three of us
yes i did
it's a 15 foot cone
i gotta roll my save
yeah
i rolled a 29
that's pretty good
that's a pass
i rolled a 33
all right
both of us succeed
so you just
you just fall
you fall at a time
both of you
you fall at a time
ah
majority's mass
fall sequence
activates
please please roll
the damage
let's see
you take
34 damage
15 mental
and 19 bludgeoning
the gnome however
it takes
it is also
sickened too
they'll take half
of that
the gnome
doubles that
yeah that's what
i'm saying
yeah
yeah
okay
okay
um
we have three seconds
six seconds
this would be a good
time for a deal
work sequence
what was that
what was that
a little goblin noise
yeah that was my
that was my character's noise
oh god
all right
oh my god
when
just got sent
straight to time
when snot
falls
into
reality
again
they stand up
walk over to
Rahua
points at them
and go
can you do that
again
uh
not until
i've had my
beauty rest
i saw so many
things
i saw so many
things
okay
what did you see
tell me what
tell me what the
future bears
goblin thing
go
what did your
little goblin eyes
see
like
my lost
password
it was
one two three
four five six
same as my luggage
i also realized
that i had taxes
that i had to pay
and i now know
where the tax
is
the
i also remember
turn
oh
oh
he's gone
oh
arkham horror
lost in time
and space
if you
no no i i think
it's more like
do you remember
that simpson
that old simpsons
episode
where they had
all the hockey
players
and then like
ozzy smith
like falls
into this
like
like red
void
that's
that's
what
happens
oh my god
the gnome
does not
return
i'm sure
it'll
appear
someday
i'm gonna
i'm gonna
i oh man
we're gonna
have so
we're gonna
have so
many the
gnome
returns
complications
yeah
yeah
commit your
gnome related
complications
at
madeindecorations.com
and be the
first to get
in on the
new joke
temporal
gnomes
one day
my worthy
heir will
return to
me
and he
will live
inside me
as
friends
that's your
backup
character
no he's a
dwarf
it's different
he's a
different
time
traveler
would it be
would it be
possible for
me to say
that around
now is when
tanhauser returns
from time
yes yes
yes
yeah
tanhauser
flashes back
covered in
grime and
blood and
weird lizard
like skulls
rawhua
that
travel through
time sucked
i was hanging
out with
dinosaurs for
a week
was a
dinosaur
was it
fun
no
i have to
run away
from a
triceratops
well yes
but it's
less fulfilling
than you think
when your
innards are
replaced with
an emulsifying
blender
oh
what the hell
dude
same team
tanhauser
same team
you're the one
that took a
bribe
you're the one
that fucked me
over i was
gonna mop
grease
i just
not help
but you
sent me
to time
no
silence
mr rattle
like walks
up no
no
this is how
it all falls
apart
you want
to fight
one another
this is how
you die
i didn't want
to fight him
i just wanted
to fuck
with him
instantly
i made him
at dinosaurs
instantly
tanhauser
hears your
words
he's right
rahua
i give
rahua a
hug
rahua gives
tanhauser a
big hug
wall
he gives him
a big heel
oh
vena walks
out from
the back
room
the man
has purchased
many many
many explosives
it doesn't
matter who
is the
trainee
and who's
not the
trainee
at the end
of the day
we're all
we're all
just members
of a working
class
and we're
all learning
and we're
not dinosaurs
there's no
dinosaurs
they're not
real
no they're
not real
anymore
buddy
they died
millions of
years ago
maybe
possibly
can i have
one of those
yeah sure
yeah sure
shake
stops
hand
yes
mr rattle
places his
hand on your
shoulder
danazer
take off
the vest
i'm free
i'm free
war
give him
your vest
what
there must
always be a
training
give him your
vest
he's not
nasty
started
on
the yellow
red
just put
his hands
to point him
point
point
drag
graphic
pulls it
on through
vena is
standing behind
the the
counter in
front of the
cash register
as she's like
scanning all
of these
increasingly
dangerous
looking bombs
with one
hand and
the other
one she's
saluting
there must
always be
a trainee
the ghost
of capitalism
damn i didn't
realize mr rattle's
first name was
bulvar
you know but i do
have to say one
thing about the
dinosaurs i didn't
mind they did
live in a classless
society
was it good
i mean compared
to this shit
true
your vest
take the
trainee vest
i will take
the trainee
vest
you must learn
not cage me
as far as i
can tell
you've slain
a customer
a grave
sin
one
you must
work your
way back
from
i agree
future
customer but
i will take
this punishment
in shrine
i like this
guy
hey trainee
i need you
to go
i need you
to go mop
up that grease
on the floor
yeah trainee
go mop
up the grease
yeah
i like
i like the
grease on fire
thurston i'd
like to use a
hero point to
be level 20
for five seconds
so i can
redo my
spell slots
i need a
goat spell
so i can
cast cast
into time
again
you can
have to
go hang
out with
the dinosaurs
i'm gonna
go hang
out with
the dinosaurs
again
i'll just
spend a
hero point
to cast
it again
oh my
god
cool
you know
this is
marking out
a hero point
right
if either
one of you
sees that
gnome
tell him
if he
makes his
way back
he will
have his
home
are you
hitting both
of them
again
yeah of course
i am
no i mean
what's gonna
happen to me
wait are you
targeting mr rattle
in this
or just the
two of them
no i respect
mr rattle
he runs a
tight ship
very good
that's just
punishing my
friends
excellent
excellent
please give
me uh
well paste it
into chat
and then we'll
get the saves
again
yeah of course
of course
you can cast
that there we
go
uh yeah
i still don't
have a token
i'll throw a
random
40 dude
saving
i believe in
you
i roll a total
why are you
chanting over
there and
why are you
doing all
that
yeah
so you
both you
both you
both succeed
so you're
only got
lost in
time for
a round
and then
come back
lol
taking half
damage
i was
thrown
back to
the past
back to
the past
back
into the
past
go
yeah
yeah
now the goblin must return to the past
and undo the chaos that is
can i uh i'd like to spend a hero point uh real quick uh thurston yeah of course
all right i don't even know what it's for i'm just gonna agree yeah yeah tannhuser flashes
back all right well now you fucked up for who i taught the dinosaurs how to vote
i don't know what the hell i just did sidestream i'm pretty sure i just created my own philosophy of political science so dinosaurs still exist like you just go go kill one randomly in the world but like so so we take this logic right you you go far into the past you taught them how to vote you taught them society in a way yes so you are
you are the reason you're currently struggling
yeah yeah
yeah i i tannhuser went back in time and he organized the dinosaurs into a utopian leftist
society that then fell apart in his absence uh during the extinction and thereby created the first society ever on time so i'm so happy you bootstrapped paradox communism in the time yeah yeah yeah
the first society ever on time so i'm so happy you bootstrap paradox communism in the time yeah
is that okay thurston hey hey yeah yeah one sec uh hey erndale yeah yeah so you're not you're not
going to believe what's happening
don't bring him into this don't i know don't call our dads we've only we've only been gone you know
you've only been gone like i don't know was it two hours ten minutes or so yeah
don't worry guys don't worry call me i'll take the blame you get this message thanks
okay sorry where were we guys oh don't worry i'll take the blame i i'm sorry i'm sorry thurston um
i'd like for one of my languages to be dinosaur i think that's justified unallocated
do you have any languages you want to trade out for dinosaur well i have three unallocated languages
oh that you remember that's wrong
to be determined at later dates
oh my god i hate it i hate it dinosaur mark dinosaur down just do it yeah absolutely do it
i the closest i get here is draconic i don't think that's quite no no no no no i'm gonna
no one sec we have we have the power here i got russian here oh my god yeah russian russian's a
language we've gone over before don't worry oh yeah yeah oh my god well when we when the party
finally meets earl sinclair we'll be safe yeah yeah it's fine so um so so while we're figuring some of that
out um okay okay um a lot's happened here oh yeah no shit oh yeah yeah a few things yeah a few things um
the next customer approaches oh take a look at this guy
it's a large muscular minotaur like individual with a bone mask carrying an urn with a rope uh bulging biceps
veins atop those those bulging biceps kind of sneered face
you know and welcome to uh what is this place she jabs tan hauser it's blows the scarab merchants uh
trading post yeah blotus's scarab trading post place yeah welcome we have a business deal today
if you are a member you can get um two two two six packs of golgotha mist uh for for the price of one
i want water do we have that i have no idea uh look at vena do we have water vena
the camera hands to mr rattle's face once again staring into the distance it's like one of those
like transfixed in like a shock horror um that like music cue from kill bill starts playing as it focuses
on his face water they say it is necessary for life but that is why life does not come in
good no water here but we cannot disappoint the customer
i know what i must do
what friends yeah what i am about to do
has not been approved of by any institution but my friend are you sure you want water
yes are you ready to accept the consequences no matter what they may be for the attainment of this
water mr rattle looks so proud
yes the customer the customer says a terrible doom will approach you should you get what you ask for
are you certain you're ready to accept that
i i have this this urn can can you fill it or not point the urn towards me and brace yourself with all of
your might
okay okay are you ready yes
i know exactly what you're gonna do i point at him i cast hydraulic push
the pressurized water that pledges the target and knocks it back
you wanna you wanna you wanna uh when i dropped yeah there we go there we go
um here how about i how about i how about i do this i'm just gonna on uh on your airship i'm gonna
put a tiny little token actually it's a bigger token you wanna wanna just target that token and roll
yeah why not sweet i hit him okay that's you hit him you hit him roll damage please this is it at first
level so it's mercifully probably not gonna kill this guy it's gonna be 12 damage
ah
it's small you are the walking miracle that has been spoken of by my people
yes yes i i probably am i don't know if you're if your people are dinosaurs or relate to them in any way
not like you're a water baker
you're gonna get you're gonna get killed around here
oh yeah i'm fucked yeah
but uh you know i might as well ride this gravy train as far as i can
i am here to free the land of golgotha from the tyrants
for real for real fills it up and immediately turns like good luck with that bite and like
awkwardly leaves as soon as you say that a bunch of people start turning away like
mr rattle just just now has lost that look of approval oh
probably shouldn't have said that too loud yeah maybe not
i thought i like that i like that i hate the tyrants oh yeah the tyrants are terrible
yeah they killed my family yeah no shit get alive yeah exactly right it's like they kill your family
you can't even get mad about it because they do like 16 other things i know right and they do it to
everyone yes it's like oh you killed your family well you know get in line yeah exactly yeah and you
know what you stay around because you hate them and you want to kill them
that's like that's like part of it though i know right that's how they get you yeah yeah yeah have
you been away from golgotha for a while you've seen quite a while off yes yes you see i used to be
the the right hand of a vandal warlord now you know eventually you you it's stage a daring escape you
get your entire body blown up by siege artillery well spent a bit of time you know we went to
college got into radical politics and here i am a lot of people get out of golgotha due to like
scholarly reasons it seems well i mean that they flee the border yeah okay play them yeah anyway um
i i i realize you should have probably mentioned it to you that we are a party of political radicals
oh that's awesome as as you're you're saying this um a a woman approaches um she's fairly scarred
wastelander woman her hair is buzz cut on one side uh the rest combed over there's like a grill plate
covering one of her eyes um she approaches hello she's a deeper voice
welcome to uh this fucking shop get the blotus trading place blotus the scarab merchant i haven't
seen any scarabs yet though i'm i'm not here for that
i'm here for the other thing you said ah you you uh you wanna you want postage it's in the back
no she's a dinosaur obviously ah okay that's what a dinosaur is oh no no no not at all actually oh okay
are you serious about your efforts of freeing this area toppling the tyranny here i will not lie to you
my first focus is currently on the city of outset similarly beset by lesser but no less dangerous
tyrants but once my duty is done yes global revolution is the only way any of us can be free
i guarantee you the tyrant conquer will fall i mean you can eat people too
b and she looks around i can tell you are charitable based off what you've been doing for mr rattle
yeah no one's paid for any of the items they've taken i didn't even think about that
it's that you're playing along oh my god yeah why do you think i stuck around
what terrible is this yeah i i assumed you were you were just playing along he's
he's he's very he's very advanced in age rare here in bogota and lotus employs him to to keep
his mind going though he suffers from advanced dementia oh that would explain all of the strange
yes we knew that and we were definitely playing along
no one did a perception check no one since motive in this guy
we trusted him with our lives and i still do yeah this guy tells me to do anything i'm just going
to do one uncritically i think it it speaks to your kindness to go along with it all of you
yeah this is what we call failing forward as a
it's a great gm tool everybody you should use it in yours
it's not a failing part this is up
well i am part of a of a group we seek to
although it is not golgotha we seek to overthrow the citadel of general dusk the massive
that's fossil as as as those words are spoken um like it it's the equivalent of like tanhouser
like here's the bump bump and like feel something in in in his like soul um this would be the equivalent
of like i don't know heidelin starts talking to you um you you just feel this this moment of
that place is important one of the three you're going to overthrow his citadel but one of the techno guard
there are there are them and the dna troopers
and you've you've contingencies to deal with them yes we have many people willing to fight
i told everyone friends i apologize
but we have no choice we must aid these people however we can
uh sure yeah you'll get us a lead on the thing that we're looking for oren's mouth full of bread
we're supposed to find do they have it
i don't know if they have it all right
hey can i do i need to pay for this i think he's eaten some of the bread
no you don't need to pay for that that's very much for you
we see we supply our staff with bread and water that is i don't work here
customers get it too i spit it out
no i found it it's mine now it's mine i brought it from home yeah
we are seeking the protection of fire to rewrite the current lack of balance between the old powers
since sealed away by the madness of outset
i don't know about all of that but you look like you have a strong arm and
your tree can send people away to some shadow realm
that's the whole thing you don't want to hear about it
and he's handsome so he can probably tell people what to do and they will listen
true what do you do looks it's not
i kill tyrants but you're like like like kind of makes like a side like you're just a
you're just you're just a little girl
you like i kill people
i think of a rock and i bashed it their head in with a rock
okay yeah well yeah what that ain't good enough for you a good old rock
you know how long goblins have been beating people up with rocks
you can contribute it's like the most conciliatory like don't worry little guy
you're helping if i can kill if i can beat the massive with a rock i'm fine
that's right sorry my amber alert is going off
revolutionary detected in local store oh like everyone avoid the area
yeah it turns out a bunch of uh wasteland raiders just killed a bunch of people man
happens hey it's the goal of her i usually have just life in the wastes yeah
regardless no matter how small you are you are still a member of our proletarian arms if you have
the will and desire to strike down tyrants yeah i'm a pro yeah that i won't tear away your blade
is what i was getting at thank you yeah yeah yeah whatever pretty guy i'm into it yeah
um yeah uh i don't do much other than like beat people in with rocks and then steal their things
and then like sell it but you know it's a living a respectable craft yeah yeah goblins typically
follow you know the coolest biggest idea and she just motions out into the ether if we have a person
who has the best idea we typically follow it and this idea to kill the massive yeah i'm on it most
other goblins i know got killed by that guy it will be difficult you will have to traverse the vehicle
wastes
oh do you guys have a ride she mentions to everyone else we've got an airship but no land not a land
ride yeah you don't want to ride airships too much over the dunes or else someone will shoot a
harpoon into the thing and you know um yeah she does that
yeah yeah nodding sagely yeah yeah bread you have no idea how the second you got that airship i wanted
to do a drakengard meme where it's like we just got the airship here's all the unblockables wow we're
gonna spin and then they just destroy the airship exactly exactly it's just gone it's just like you
god
i want to know in drakengard would you get to that point if you could just not progress to that
other point where you just like actually go unlock everything isn't it like just the cut scene
yeah so what happens is you get it and then they they change the mission loading sequence so it's
like it shows you like the airship map and it's all these unlockables and you're like oh fuck i'm
gonna have to do all these unlockables and like it like they do a whole interface and then the next
scene they just blow the fucking thing up it's great 10 out of 10 yokotaro is an artist correct
he's a special lad all right well then i think if you could get a vehicle or if you were willing to
survive on foot we could use you at the gates well
snot shoves a finger in inside of their maskius scratches their face uh and then looks back at
everyone else you got a wagon or anything like not a battle wagon i'm not even talking like i'm
vehicle that a motor wagon i'm talking like do you have a thing with wheels on it i got a motor
you do yeah yeah how do you think i walk around well we still haven't had our we still haven't had
our pizza party and we are co-workers so if you're willing to give us a ride yeah of course of course i
will if i can if i can once again like you know i'm all for the for the unionization and everything
goblins are big into that but like you know it's it's more along the lines that i get to kill the
massive goblins are into unionization thanks to thanks to our ancestral roots connected yeah yeah
goblins love unionization because it's all about the idea that we are always the workers meaning that
what we want is to kill the guy that employs us therefore union is formed
what's crazy is that wasn't the case when you walked into this store
but now it is yes it's i
around that is now yeah there you go why the privacy yeah retroactively it's been the case
the entire time yeah truth oh my god are our goblins reptiles
in my mind they are are they descendants of the dinosaur
mr brattle approaches into the conversation we've never heard mr rattle rattling
i believe you have earned it you have survived this long though only some of you have been
displaced to time and space thank you rattle common occurrence
for the daytime shift yeah at least it's not the nighttime shift you know i present to you
you your pizza whoa what is this triple cheese thin crust why is that flat
that looks good that looks very good i'm i'm you may each have one i repeat one slice
and should there be slices remaining those slices shall be delivered in order of priority with the
trainee receiving the last of the secondary slices are are the slices those like little itty bitty like
tiny ones that they would give you at any like square cut pizza it's like a domino's it's a domino's
thin crust pizza oran comes up do i get some yeah bird boy you are not an employee as you said i'll buy one pizza
i am sorry my fellow employees the pizza party is cancelled the customer always comes first
he has two whole pizza oh thanks oran will give everyone two slices and he only get one wow yippee
you're all right with me bird boy you are such a sweetheart have a have a second slice of pizza
oh i'm good i already had some bread oh that is true you you have been you have been having your bird snack
wait a minute this is just bread you guys have been working really hard no the pizza's fine
i had some bread i don't need one slice of pizza yeah but this is just bread it's just bread with red
on it and cheese yeah that's pizza that makes it a pizza it's not raw it's not a pizza pizza raw
there's no sand on it shut up does it go on pizza you nitwit i wouldn't know i disaffirm it's my first
pizza pizza we'll try it and eat it and see what you think you know i you didn't wait you didn't do
anything today actually you just sent this through time technically you actually quite a bit you impacted
quite a few lives today i did because of me that society exists on time through you anyway i think that
might be true um but no oren i'm so proud of you for doing something so so based and socialist it proves
to me that you really have been reading my literature and taking it to heart yeah including
the party where massacring the masses when they don't agree with you anymore to establish the
government's dominance no you don't eliminate the masses you only eliminate the class we have a lot to
cover but your spirit is good okay i like looking at the pictures that they taught me the most
yeah the pictures are of that oh just imagine just about just like from your book and for your book
eating the rich is the greatest reward for the lower class yeah eat them yeah yes yes trickle down
economy must be the up from from the bottom up not the up down yeah i'm done eat them yeah
he's kind of confused when he's got the spirit
the working class should have all the money and the rich in the rich and the higher-ups should only
have the less yeah kill the rich yeah they're not in the vines with the pickaxes they're in their
comfy air-conditioned offices yeah yeah kill them yeah that's sort of what i believe
did i invite that
yeah power to the people crack it so he eats his pizza
mr rattle mr rattle can i cannot can i can i can get over here for a second yes yes of course what
this is she hands over her shirt to him mr rattle yes i quit
however the wisest of us
and i wish to eat but i wish to use my final cut employee discounts
yes to uh to to rent you know it's it's too expensive to buy i wish to rent a wagon
but i thought you said you had wheels yeah i i have the motor i don't have wheels it's different
you know sure that's great that's that's perfect that's excellent i ain't got nothing else to say
that's beautiful yes give me the wooden wagon yes you know what attachments can i
or like a tarp i can do tarp we do tarp right yeah we can do tarp yeah we do tarp we'll have a tarp
yeah put a tent on it yeah yeah all right yes of course yeah
okay yeah i'll see all of you outside okay
uh snot runs away on all four uh as as just crawls out at the garage style out of the of the building
okay there goes my hero horrifying
all right okay that's a goblin with a head on her shoulders for now true for now
oh yeah i quit too let's all quit can we quit no you have to fulfill you have to fulfill the promise
we did the bonus oh yeah oh i forgot okay never mind i unquit we're gonna do it we're gonna get it done
what do we call does that mean he 10 houses the new trainee
okay okay okay um what next there's a nuclear missile gonna hit the store what do you have for us next
boss encounter
rattle was a rock creature the whole time someone wants to pay with a check
who does that i want to pay but i want to pay entirely in copper
no ain't a seer my copper is legal currency your copper is fake i knew you disreputable copper
merchant ass the second you walked in the store ain't us here
all right all right all right the remainder of the work day passes uneventfully oh thank god
you are finally relieved from your shift by mr rattle who dutifully collects your vests
remember what you have seen here remember the experiences
i remember you may you may call upon this in future times and each of you
now has a one-time retail rattle point that you can turn in what for the remainder of this campaign
each of you can remember back to this war you fought with your companions
and turn it in for a natural 20 on one dice you roll
oh my god the spirit of rattle
i love that
that i believe you you head outside uh to meet with snot is that correct
yup yeah oran oran looks at his friends you're like you know what i learned during all that
yeah to get out of work you just have to pretend you died
that is the most valuable lesson one could have taken from that good job
whenever i'm running into stuff that i don't want to do i'll just die
yeah that if it sucks hit the dirt yeah that's how it goes that's how i quit my last job
hey uh okay yeah do you want to describe what they see outside yeah so with a blaring foghorn
uh all of you see a a large edifice it's like a walking uh totem of goblin kind uh it's essentially a
walking machinery made out of trash that has been cleaned up shrubbed up and just bolted together
it is obviously made out of like harvested materials rather than you know ah yeah let's build this from
ground up and it has been made to look like snot's face with two legs and two arms
and um and snot is sitting at the top of it and just pulls the foghorn uh latch again with a wagon
attached to its back get in this is my sick ride holy shit yeah i made it and it's pretty cool and that
is where we are going to end for today
i cannot wait to ride snot's whipopotamus i know right oh my god there he is
sorry nothing got stuck in time the gnome in time the temporal gnome of course we all hope you enjoyed
this episode of rock grind first off we have to all like to thank thank salty for being a guest
today thank you so much thank you salty salty where can they find you uh you can find me at salty job
on any platform uh both on twitch and blue sky and on that one other website we don't really talk about
but if you support narrative declaration you directly support me and other cool artists
and of course we also have odo hey it's me odo i was bringing you vena the self swashbuckler you can
find me at blue sky at otobytes you can find me on the discord at just odo you can find me in your
in your dreams in in your heart in in your car i'm taking it it's fine taking your car it's hulky crow
that's me i'm hulky crow you can find me over at twitch.tv forward slash hulky crow as well as on
blue sky and x begrudgingly under the same username uh if you like this show remember to support the
patreon and narrative declaration.shop if you like cool merch you buy it we get more pins are really
cool yay of course we have speaker hi i'm speaker d you can find me at speaker d on blue sky and i just
want to say it's so great to be here in beautiful golgotha and salty thank you again for guesting we
honor you we honor you we honor you we honor you and of course we have our glorious game master thurston
hillman you can find me in my dwarf fortress because i've started playing dwarf fortress and i don't think
i'm ever going to escape i'm gonna be trapped in this dwarf fortress for forever uh now you can find
me at all the things at on call gm as a reminder too um for those of you watching live i'm dating this
episode now but um this weekend is a paizo con um so you can go uh check that out i'll be uh uh in and
about the convention uh but also we have a little special special episode we yeah yeah which oddly
enough um deals with um not retail but um i guess you know food services so if you really want to tie
together all of the uh the the inner employee darkness we've we've got you covered uh but yeah
all the things that i'll call gm yeah exactly all the things that i'll call gm uh and zorn take us away
yeah and uh hey where can people find you zorn oh thanks for asking everybody you can find me at
zorn the wizard away yeah uh you can find me at zorn the wizard.com they'll tell you everything about
me i appreciate you come over say hi to my twitch streams and stuff just to keep me company just
to keep the voices away greatly appreciate it along uh with supporting everybody here at narrative
declaration over at patreon.com force us narrative declaration as a membership subscriber on twitch
we're being a patreon all the other stuff so we can get everything as quick as possible
before everything goes out to the public so thank you all so very much we will see you all next time
so long farewell and goodbye
why why why why no i'm in time we honor you we honor you