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That’s Not Very Ladylike is the podcast for every woman who was told to be polite, stay calm, or stop being so dramatic, meanwhile her hormones, boundaries, and sanity were quietly falling apart.
Hosted by Tracey Willingham, licensed social worker and the voice behind That Hormone Girl™, each episode starts with one rule: Ladies don’t…and then they do it anyway.
Together, we unpack the unspoken expectations, the emotional labor, the generational BS, and the hormone chaos modern women are carrying and we get honest about what it actually takes to feel like yourself again.
If you’re ready to question the rules, trust your body, and stop shrinking to make everyone else comfortable, you’re in the right place.
You're listening to That's Not Very Ladylike, the show where every week we start with one rule, ladies don't. And then we do it anyway. I'm Tracy Willingham and you might know me as that hormone girl. In today's episode, we're staying loud and raising a little hell by talking about ladies don't cancel plans. They push through anyway.
Tracey:Welcome to That's Not Very Ladylike episode five. Ladies don't cancel plans. They push through. So let's just let's just jump into this because let me tell you, this this one this one's a trigger for me so I'm gonna try to not sound too preachy but I let's just start at the beginning. We treat exhaustion like bad manners And you know I'm right we show up we smile and we say I'm fine when every cell is screaming put on your sweatpants put on your pajamas and stay home.
Tracey:Because if you cancel that feels like failure. Or you're not a good friend or you're not a good community member. And guess what? Women, you are not allowed to fail. You're allowed to faint.
Tracey:You can get a migraine. You can even lose your voice. But what you cannot say is I can't tonight. So I remember one winter when I had bronchitis and the flu. Yeah, that was that was a lot of fun guys.
Tracey:You should try it sometime. And that's the kind it was like seriously the kind of combo that like made my bones hurt and my voice sounded like some kind of scary serial killer you know movie voice. And I should have been in bed wrapped up in blankets watching some TV you know like just going into like episode after episode and sweating it out. But I had a big presentation at work that day and you know that voice that kicks in. I know so many of you have the voice that says you can't cancel.
Tracey:People are counting on you and guess what? You're the reliable one. So I got up showered did my hair loaded up on cold medicine like it was some kind of pre workout smoothie and my lungs were basically like seriously begging for mercy and I was out here like trying to power pose and be like I'm cool I got this I don't get sick sick and so I walked into that meeting with a fever of 102 A cough that seriously should have startled wildlife. Like everybody in that room actually should have been very scared of like what is is wrong with you? And my mascara was running because my eyes would not stop watering.
Tracey:And instead of people being like, do you need to go home? Do you need to be here? What I heard was you're such a trooper. Wow, what a leader. I'm so proud of you.
Tracey:Like those were compliments and like self sacrifice is a leadership skill. Like showing up at work sick and contaminating others. That's admirable. And I remember standing there and kind of smiling through the dizziness and thinking wow this is what women get praised for. This is ladylike showing up half dead but still on time and reliable.
Tracey:So by the end of the presentation could barely breathe. I drove home shaking crawled into my bed and I seriously slept for sixteen hours straight. And guess what? Guess what happened guys? This is going to be shocking.
Tracey:Episode is probably gonna go viral because I'm sharing a deep secret the world doesn't want you to know. The next day the world kept spinning and emails still got answered and the company this is going to shock y'all the company didn't collapse because I took a day off. But guess what did happen? My nervous system got the message loud and clear. You don't have to earn your worth through becoming a martyr.
Tracey:And that was the day I started questioning why being the reliable one always came at the expense of being the healthy one. And we even do it when it isn't our job or like our civil duty. Our community expects it from us. We still do it. We've all done it.
Tracey:You say yes to the dinner when you wanted to cry in your sweatpants. You go to the workout class even when your body is like, can we take a break? And I'm talking about like, you know that, that deep exhaustion where you don't need to push through to that workout tonight. Maybe do some gentle stretching. You host, attend, support, smile, all while inside you are quietly falling apart and we call it showing up.
Tracey:I show up but sometimes showing up for everyone up for everyone else it means you're ghosting yourself and somehow saying no feels worse than burnout because we were taught that rest is selfish that boundaries are rude you are being rude and that strong women always rally. But pushing through is not strength. I want to be super clear. Pushing through isn't strength. It's self abandonment disguised as dedication.
Tracey:Let's say that again girls. It is self abandonment disguised as dedication. So let's talk about what pushing through really means. We romanticize it. We hashtag it.
Tracey:Although I think hashtags are starting to make their way out. And we reward it like it's the holy grail of womanhood. So we say things like I'm fine. I'm just tired. Or you know what?
Tracey:Don't worry about it. I'll rest this weekend. But guess what? Then the weekends become laundromats for our burnout. We don't rest.
Tracey:We recover just enough to start over again. And somehow, we have decided that's what should be called strength. We push through periods, through grief, through colds, through the the flu, through every blinking red light our body tries to give us. And we even push through our self care. Sure, I'll relax.
Tracey:And then we turn a bubble bath into a productivity workshop with podcasts and planners. Women are the only species who can be running a fever and still think, maybe I'll tidy up the kitchen real quick. But here's the truth. Pushing through is not resilience. It is a rebellion against our own biology.
Tracey:So when you push through your body floods with cortisol, your hormones stop cooperating, and your immune system is starting to wave like a little white flag and it's like, Hey, good luck, sis. I'm out. And your body doesn't know that you're trying to be polite. All it knows is we're under attack. And the more you override it, the louder your body will scream.
Tracey:And that's when burnout becomes the baseline. Right? Think about that. Our baseline is not healthy. Our baseline is burnout and then it goes up from there.
Tracey:That's horrifying. That is horrifying. And when you start saying I'm just tired every day for a decade when your period shifts when your skin freaks out and you can't remember the last time you woke up not exhausted that's a problem. So we were taught that ladies keep going that showing up sick is noble, that saying no means you're flaky. But all that pushing through, all it's doing is teaching your body that its cues don't matter And that survival is our only option.
Tracey:And guess what? This is so true. I've learned it myself. And I know a lot of you know this deep in your core. The longer that you stay in survival mode, the harder it becomes to hear yourself at all.
Tracey:So let's consider this for a second. What would happen if women stopped pushing through? If we started treating fatigue as feedback instead of failure? And if canceling plans was not considered a crisis but a conscious choice? We've been trained to see rest as weakness and if you've got boundaries you're selfish.
Tracey:You're not very giving, you're selfish. But the truth is the world benefits when women are exhausted. We spend less time questioning and more time complying. You know I'm going to do it. I'm going say it again.
Tracey:The world benefits when women are exhausted because we spend less time questioning and more time complying. And I want you to think about it. We're going to do it. When a man cancels plans, guess what? He's busy.
Tracey:Man, he's so successful. He's so busy. When a woman does, she's unreliable. She's so flaky. You can't rely on her.
Tracey:When a man gets tired, when he says he's tired, guess what they get? Empathy. Oh man, he works so hard for his family. You run such a successful business. And when a woman says it, she gets advice.
Tracey:Have you tried like energy drinks? Have you tried like going to bed earlier? So guess what happens? We just stop. We stop saying it.
Tracey:And then we smile, we show up, and we break quietly. But imagine this instead. You wake up, you check-in with your body, and you say, What do I actually have to give today? And if the answer is not much, you honor that. You cancel, you reschedule, and you rest.
Tracey:No guilt. No over explaining. We're going to be talking about that soon. Check my episodes. And no internal performance review.
Tracey:Because pushing through isn't proof of strength. All you're proving is is that you have been conditioned. And every time you choose to pause instead, you are breaking a generational cycle of self abandonment. Let's say it again because it's good. Every time you choose to pause instead, you are breaking a generational cycle of self abandonment.
Tracey:So what if the bravest thing you do this week is disappoint someone so that you don't disappoint yourself? So this week, I want you to practice one radical thing. Just one radical thing. Pause before you say yes. Check-in with your body first.
Tracey:What's the honest answer, not the ladylike polite one? Is your yes coming from excitement or obligation? Is it from alignment or autopilot? So if your body says no, trust that. If your energy whispers, not today, honor that.
Tracey:You don't owe anyone anything, and especially if that version of you is running on fumes you don't owe anyone. So try canceling one thing this week that you would normally push through, and don't justify it. Don't over explain it. All I want you to do is just say I can't tonight and let the silence be sacred. Because guess what?
Tracey:You don't owe anybody a why. I can't tonight? Hardcore boundary. Also just a reminder, men can do that all the time. Nope.
Tracey:I won't be at that meeting. Nope. I won't do that. Nope. I can't tonight.
Tracey:Period. No more sentence. Notice what comes up after. Because it's easy to say that, but we got to acknowledge that you're going to have a whole internal dialogue now that's going to start as soon as you say, I can't tonight. And I want you to notice, is it guilt?
Tracey:But also, is there some relief? And maybe, just maybe, could it be a whole new kind of quiet that you didn't know you needed? And when you do that, what we don't often connect back to is that your nervous system begins remembering what safety feels like because your worth isn't measured in how much you can carry. It's not. Even though they tell us that, it's not.
Tracey:It's in how well you can care for the woman underneath this ridiculous height of expectation and how we're just supposed to show up when someone else thinks that's what we should do. So sometimes the strongest thing you can do is cancel Because you don't have to earn your rest by collapsing. You don't have to prove your strength by suffering, and you don't have to show up sick, tired, or half alive to earn respect. And sometimes love for self, love for myself looks like saying, I'm sitting this one out. And sometimes healing looks like keeping your pajamas on.
Tracey:Because strength isn't pushing through. It's pausing before you shatter. And slowing down is not quitting. I want you to hear me. Slowing down is healing, listening, and it is starting a rebellion.
Tracey:And that's the most unladylike thing of all. Thanks for joining me today for that's not very ladylike. If today's episode lit a fire, pushed your buttons, or called a little BS on the story we've been sold, share it with another woman who's tired of being told to tone it down, smile more, or play nice. And help a girl out by making sure you subscribe, leave a quick review, and catch me on Instagram at that hormone girl. And until next time, keep getting loud, messy, and raising hell because being ladylike is overrated.