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Nostalgia
This podcast is my public journal, where I share reflections on leadership, mindfulness, technology and culture.
INTERVIEWER: Welcome back to the How to Live podcast. Today we're sitting down with Kunal Gupta to discuss a powerful realization about nostalgia, memory, and who we really are when we return to places from our past. Kunal, welcome back.
KUNAL: Thanks for having me. It's good to be here.
INTERVIEWER: So you just got back from Sydney, a place that was really significant for you. Tell me what happened when you slipped back into the driver's seat of your old car.
KUNAL: Oh man, it was, it was this visceral thing, you know? The moment I sat down, the leather under my hands, the sound of the engine, it was like something unlocked in my chest. For those first few moments, I genuinely felt like I'd stepped back into a version of myself I'd been missing. It was intense.
INTERVIEWER: That sounds beautiful, actually. But I'm sensing there's more to this story.
KUNAL: Yeah, there definitely is. Because what I thought would happen and what actually happened were pretty different.
INTERVIEWER: What do you mean by that? What was different?
KUNAL: Well, we were there for two weeks, visiting family and friends, and the city I remembered and the city I encountered were just, they were two very different places. Like, we couldn't even stay in our old neighborhood. We kept moving between Airbnbs, dealing with cockroaches, terrible mattresses, brutal jet lag. Breakfast for two cost eighty-five Australian dollars. There were security guards everywhere, police on corners responding to recent incidents. It was uncomfortable in ways I didn't remember Sydney being.
INTERVIEWER: Wow. So you're having this nostalgic feeling in the car, but then the reality of being there is actually pretty difficult?
KUNAL: Exactly. And that tension was so strange. I kept asking myself, which version is true? The warm memories flooding back, or the practical discomfort of actually being there?
INTERVIEWER: That's such an interesting question. Can you tell me more about what Sydney was like when you first moved there? What made it so special?
KUNAL: When I first arrived, I had no real plan. That's actually where I met my partner. And everything just felt new, you know? There was this energy, this enthusiasm. I was curious about everything. I'd pay absurd amounts for parking because I was exploring. I got lost constantly because I was doing new things. And there was this unexpected gift, the time zone difference made me feel less pressure to be performing, to be constantly doing. Australia became like a sabbatical, a space where I could just exist.
INTERVIEWER: I love that. It sounds like such a formative time. So what happened when you were driving that car again? What did those memories feel like?
KUNAL: The memories just attached themselves to everything. To the vehicle, to the streets, to the act of moving through that landscape. I could almost taste the version of myself who had driven these routes with such wonder. But that's when I started wondering about the mechanics of memory, like, how do I form these impressions? Why does my mind attach certain feelings to certain places or periods of my life?
INTERVIEWER: And what did you discover? What was really going on?
KUNAL: This is the thing that really hit me. I realized I'd been attributing my experiences to external things when really they belonged to who I was. The joy I felt in Sydney wasn't because of Sydney. It was because of who I was when I lived there. That openness, that curiosity, that energy, it existed in me. The city was just the container.
INTERVIEWER: Oh, that's fascinating. So you're saying the magic wasn't in the place itself?
KUNAL: Right. It's so much more convenient to say that a past job made me feel a certain way, or a relationship created certain emotions, or that a place gave me something. But I think that's wrong. Who I was in those moments allowed me to have those experiences. Nothing outside of me gave them to me.
INTERVIEWER: Huh. That's actually kind of liberating when you think about it, isn't it?
INTERVIEWER: So if the magic was in who you were, not where you were, what does that mean for you now?
KUNAL: Well, that's the challenge. I'm constantly changing. My partner reflects this back to me, my family shows me how I'm different than I was even a few months ago. My friends notice shifts I can't see in myself. And because I'm constantly changing, my experiences are constantly changing too. The same place can feel entirely different because I'm different.
INTERVIEWER: So how do you make choices based on who you are now, not who you were? That seems really hard.
KUNAL: It is. It requires real understanding. It means letting go of past versions of myself and what they needed. Like, how do I honor what I needed in the past while recognizing those needs might not serve me anymore? How do I make decisions based on current needs and future projections rather than nostalgic attachments? I don't have all the answers, honestly.
INTERVIEWER: But you seem to have come to some kind of realization through this trip.
KUNAL: Yeah, I think maybe the discomfort was necessary. Maybe I needed to see that the place itself wasn't magic. The magic was in who I was and how I moved through the world during that time. And here's the thing, I can access those qualities without returning to that place. The openness, the curiosity, the sense of adventure, they don't belong to Sydney. They belong to me. I carried them there, and I can carry them anywhere.
INTERVIEWER: That's beautiful. I think a lot of people romanticize places or times in their past without realizing they're actually romanticizing who they were. So what's your approach now? How do you navigate this?
KUNAL: My best guess is to meditate more, journal more, stay curious about who I'm becoming. So much of life involves taking leaps of faith, making choices without complete information. But what I can trust is my own resilience. I've moved through different phases before. I've adapted, changed, grown. I will continue to do so.
INTERVIEWER: I love that confidence in your own ability to adapt. Before we wrap up, what would you say to someone who's struggling to let go of a nostalgic attachment to a place or time in their life?
KUNAL: I'd say, remember that what you're missing isn't the place or the time. It's who you were. And that person, those qualities, they're still in you. You don't need to go back to access them. You just need to recognize that you carried them there, and you can carry them forward into whatever comes next.
INTERVIEWER: Kunal, thank you so much for sharing this with us. This has been really thought-provoking.
KUNAL: Thank you. I appreciate the conversation.
INTERVIEWER: And thank you all for listening to the How to Live podcast. Until next time.