Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
For anyone who’s been in the opposite place of where they want to be 🩷
Real talk, raw truth and a little sparkle ✨ Kirby discuses sex, relationships, ditching alcohol and what it means to really be happy 🌸
Hey, it's Kirby Myers, and you're
listening to Behind The Blonde.
This is a podcast for anyone
who's ever been in the opposite
place of where they want to be.
So today we're gonna talk about what
happens after we make those hard
life challenging choices after we
put the bottle down, after we leave
the toxic relationship, after we walk
away from whatever it was that was
slowly harming us, sometimes when
we remove the coping mechanism, it
doesn't automatically remove the pain.
so a year ago, this past September,
which was three and a half years after
I removed alcohol from my life, I had
definitely grown as a woman . I could
look in the mirror every night and not
despise the person looking back at me.
I felt really strong physically mentally
While I had made some strides, I
noticed that the noise in my brain was.
Getting increasingly loud.
I just couldn't find stillness.
I was always fixing, I was always
moving and I couldn't seem to
find any moments where I just let.
Myself have space, I was a quiet spiral
of guilt all of the time, and it was
starting to really bother me because
of the way that it was showing up in my
life since I felt like I was continuing
to do all this work, but there was
a disconnect with that feeling and
the feeling that I had internally and
what that looked like for me and how
that was showing up in my marriage.
Was really bothering me
because I had become obsessive.
I was nagging my husband day in
and day out, taking a magnifying
class on all of his little
behaviors, and it was not healthy.
I had this insane pressure on myself
Constantly running.
A million miles an hour, and I didn't
understand what I was missing so I found
myself in a really intense experience,
one, I.
Did not have a lot of knowledge of
or plan for, but I'd kind of hit
a bottom post removing drinking.
Now, this episode isn't about
one singular healing modality.
It's not about directing you into
the same avenue that I went it's
about my personal experience, and
I just wanna share that with you.
What this is about is giving ourselves the
opportunity to go inward and sit with the
quiet, because most often, those are the
places that we really start to find peace.
So after this experience, which had
a monumental shift on my mindset.
I went and of course, wrote
some things down and I wanna
share that with you today.
And when I'm done with this, we're gonna
be joined once again by Jolie Wilson,
who I've had on the podcast before.
She guided me through this experience.
And right now I'm gonna read it to you
a little bit of a condensed version,
and it was titled Life Interrupted.
I am stretched out like a starfish
at the edge of the Gulf of Mexico.
Covered in sand, salt, and serenity.
I haven't had a single fear-based
thought in almost a week.
No heaviness, no overwhelming
noise in my brain.
I smile and exhale.
Deeply aware that mere days ago,
this vacation almost didn't happen.
The near cancellation was triggered
by a panic attack I had at work
in the middle of the afternoon.
My brain had always been loud,
quiet moments and easy dialogue are
seldom regular occupants in my head.
It's been over three and a half years
since I removed alcohol from my life, and
that alone transformed my anxiety, but
something deeper was still nagging at me.
Why can't I stop obsessing?
Why can't I slow down?
Why can't I let go of this
deep feeling of guilt?
I turn 40 next year, and in addition
to over 15 years of alcohol abuse,
I'm also in recovery for over
20 years of reoccurring bulimia.
I've often wondered why I carry so
much emotional pain when there isn't
one clear, deep trauma I can point to.
Then last Tuesday after my body completely
collapsed in panic, I locked the door to
my boutique, drove myself home, shaking
and spent hours unraveling fighting.
Crying, falling apart, trying
to explain to my husband what
I didn't yet understand myself.
I felt broken and I couldn't
make either of us understand why.
Two days later, I found myself
in a private quantum healing
hypnosis session, something I had
minimal knowledge of or about.
I truly didn't know
what I was walking into.
Only that I had hit my breaking point.
Jolie, my guide had me prepare questions
and we talked for over an hour.
She listened, took notes, held space.
Then I laid down, covered in blankets
and eye mass, gently placed over
my face, and from there she led me
through 30 minutes of breath work,
and slowly my body began to soften.
Then the guided hypnosis session began.
She asked me to visualize a dust cloud.
And for several minutes there was nothing.
I remember thinking,
this just is not working.
But then something happened, a
single dust mite floating, and
from there I was somewhere else.
I was awake, I was aware,
but I wasn't in my body.
I was asked to meet my spirit
guide, and it appeared as a
stunningly beautiful unicorn, and
without questioning, I followed.
At first, I was shown moments
from my childhood, carefree days
near the river, running through
the neighborhood I grew up on.
Then I saw myself sitting on
the stairs of my childhood home.
I must have been eight or nine years
old after waking to my parents'
distress and eavesdropping as they
talked seriously about divorce.
I sat silent.
Shattered now carrying a weight
that was never mine to hold.
I ended up across the street at my
neighbor's house on their treadmill,
running at a breakneck pace.
It was unsustainable and I breathlessly
bragged out loud to Jolie to stop running.
I finally found the red
emergency cord and jumped off.
Jolie then suggested I asked out
loud if I could possibly go to
a different time, a different
life, and then everything shifted.
It was a medieval time.
I followed a night into a great
hall filled with royal festivities.
There was a king, bloated, sloppy feasting
on chicken thighs as he accumulated scraps
of food in his thick beard and laughing
as he drowned in his goblet of wine.
Something about him made
my body immediately tense.
Back in the courtyard, there were noble
children playing with wooden swords.
I noticed one out of place, rough spun
little blonde boy running around with
the others, and my heart grew warm.
Then I saw her a maiden carrying
water, the help, and I knew immediately
she was me and the boy was mine.
I was drawn down a corridor
into a grand bedroom.
The sheets were a mess, and the
king appeared his robe wide open.
My body seized as my jaw throb
with unbearable pain, and I sobbed
uncontrollably as Jolie allowed my
breath to slowly calm and suggested
I follow my spirit guide once again.
Back in the courtyard, a hooded
woman played the harp and I
asked her, begged her what to do.
She looked at me in the
eyes and she said, run.
Run as fast as you can.
And don't stop.
So I took my boy and I ran.
I ran through the forest.
I held his hand while he cried in fear.
I knelt down in the thick of
the woods and held his face and
told him, you need to trust me.
You're safe now.
We reached a clearing and came upon a
pond with purple flowers, and on the other
side, my unicorn was there waiting later.
I was shown my son Hudson as a baby,
realizing he was now also the boy
in that past life, and I was rocking
him vividly in his nursery, a vodka
drink sat beside me, the one I always
had on his nightstand at bedtime.
And after a while, he looked up
at me and said the same words
I spoke to him in the forest.
It's okay, mama.
We're safe now.
You didn't hurt me, mama.
Every inch of my body trembled
as I saw the vodka disappear.
I gently lay my son in his
crib and could feel the tension
releasing from within my body.
Throughout the session, whenever we
encountered pain, I asked out loud
for it to be free, and each time.
My hand lifted and I could
physically feel the letting go.
Since that day, my mind has quieted down.
I feel a bit calmer.
I feel a bit slower.
Something rewired.
Call it a spiritual awakening.
Call it crazy.
Call it whatever you want, but I'll
be calling on my unicorn from now on
I wanna welcome back for the second time.
The human that has probably made
the most monumental difference in
my wellness journey, my friend, my
yoga instructor, quantum healing,
therapist, breath work therapist.
I could go on and on.
Jolie Wilson is joining
me back on the show today.
Hi.
Hi.
I'd like to give you a big old
hug and pretend like you weren't
sitting two feet away from me for
that, but we all know you were.
Yeah.
, I mean that you have made the biggest
change within, I really think that
for a long time I didn't know what I
was doing after I removed the alcohol.
I was going through, you know, my day, but
something was still really nagging at me.
I was shaking at the end of my
savasana at, at yoga, when you lay
down and you do that final meditation,
I was really never able to turn my
brain off and so when I mentioned
that, that experience, I just read.
Came quickly and was not really
with a lot of forethought.
I had heard her discuss QHHT, but
I didn't know much about it, and
you actually came to me and you
said, I feel like I could help you
if you're open to this experience.
So I don't know if you kind of recall
that, but that's how this all initially
came up and I think really led to, I mean,
now a year and a half later, I feel so
connected to you and so inspired by you.
So thanks for.
Coming on the show again, thank you.
I'm honored to be here and to see
this journey that you've been on.
To be even a witness to a part of it
is really special if you wanna tell
everybody first a little bit about what
Quantum healing hypnosis is and how it
can show up differently for everybody,
because obviously my experience was very
intense, but that's not necessarily the
same experience everybody has, right?
Everyone's experience is really
unique and something I just wanna
mention that came through is when we.
Our focus too much on the past,
which a lot of people are something
that's bothering us from last
week that creates depression.
And when we're too focused on I need
to do this, this, and this today,
and all of the things that are
coming in the future that create.
Anxiety.
So both of those states are created
by just never being taught how to
live in present moment awareness.
But to answer your question, quantum
healing hypnosis technique is an
amazing modality that fits every
single person exactly where they are,
regardless of their belief systems.
So not everyone goes into
past life experiences.
Not everyone has.
Spirit guides show up.
really the goal of quantum
hypnosis it's really just getting
you into the theta brainwaves.
And the theta brainwaves are the
closest to sleep that you can be
without actually falling asleep.
So once we get someone into that state
through breath and then through the guided
meditation that comes first, that's where
we are able to access the subconscious.
It's basically getting that.
Mind part, like you keep mentioning like
the mind, the thoughts, the overthinking.
It just gets that out of the
way so that the part of you
that you really, truly are.
Some people resonate with
calling that the soul self.
Some people have heard of the terms the
higher self, but it's like pretty much
most people can relate to, oh, this one
time I just had a gut feeling, right?
Like, there's always that part of us.
That's speaking underneath the noise.
And that's something that I
think is important to know.
Um, it doesn't even require
that you're able to visualize.
So how you were mentioning you
were able to see something.
I've had a lot of people come to me
and say, well, I can't visualize,
or Hypnosis doesn't work on me.
But anytime I hear those things,
there are always workarounds or
reasons why those people didn't
have the experiences that they were.
Hoping for.
I know that I didn't wanna get.
To in my head as to what the
experience was, to tell myself, maybe
this is a little too out there and
I just said.
Something's breaking, and I have tried
so many different avenues and I'm a
big fan of regular therapy as well.
Mm-hmm.
I have done it on and off all of
my life, but it's not something
I'm actively in right now.
My therapy has become my.
Yoga sessions, my breath work, my
daily mindset shift, the gratitude.
And the biggest thing that I think
that session did was taking me back, of
course to a past life, which, you know,
was very interesting and, and seemed
to uncover some things, but it was
reminders of moments in time, especially
my childhood, where life was carefree.
Yes.
Before we all got bogged down with.
The, and let's just be honest.
The financial aspect of the world
today, we're all working so hard
just to get by, just to try to put
a little savings together, to have
that vacation happen for the family.
You add in technology and the
social world, and it is a true rat
race, and we're not, you say this
all the time, that's not how we
were meant to live on this planet.
No.
Right.
We were meant to take time for ourselves.
Mm-hmm.
And slow down.
We've been taught to push to
be successful, to make the
money to do the next thing.
We were never taught to be
present and to listen to our soul.
And that's a whole rabbit
hole we could go down.
Why?
Why that is that we're living
in this time like that.
But that part of you is always there.
And so to have a guide, whether
it's myself or someone else, to
guide you through that, to get to
that place where you can hear the
higher self, the intuition speak is.
Really potent as you've shared.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really creates incredible
life changing experiences.
After I removed the alcohol, I had
moments where it got better, it got worse.
But then as time went on, because
right, we take off the bandaid and
then we start getting to the root.
Of the sources of pain and we might
not always know what they are.
Right.
And they might be as, I don't wanna say
simple, but sometimes as remembering that
moment, you know, back in childhood where
I think about that I was my daughter's
age then eight, you know, eight years
old, realizing the fragility of my
parents' marriage in that moment and
being the only child that was privy to it.
And, and feeling from that moment
on, like I had to fix everything.
The thing, the responsibility.
Yeah.
And how that.
Translates to an adult, and
that maybe that's where those
tendencies came from, of having to
do everything all of the time and
so it was really just that awareness and
to your point, where is this coming from?
And now that I know, how can I.
Wind it into my day-to-day life
because it doesn't just go away.
It's just something that we now realize,
okay, we have a tool in our toolbox
and to this day I start to go back
into that space where my brain, the
volume, I can feel it like someone's
turning it up and I have the power
now to say I know how to pause it
it just starts with
watching your thoughts.
Like what kind of thoughts am I having?
And do these thoughts feel good?
Are these thoughts creating?
Joy and peace and ease, or
are these thoughts making me
feel stressed and anxious?
And it's usually the latter,
only because it's a bad habit
and it's a survival instinct.
It's not you've done something wrong.
Sure.
Or you're a failure, or you're
just a messed up person.
No, it's how the mind works.
It's meant to keep you safe.
I remember in that past life imagery,
I certainly felt like I was shaking.
I was having an experience.
Mm-hmm.
Where I was trembling.
I remember calling out to you, and you,
throughout this whole experience, what
was so beautiful about it was you weren't
trying to fix me or solve anything.
You were just holding the space.
Right.
You were truly just.
Guiding me.
Mm-hmm.
There was no, um, suggestion of
anything other than is there another
door that it can lead you to?
Mm-hmm.
Is it telling you something?
But other than that, there was no
fixing or interpreting on your end.
So when past life imagery does come
up to people, how do you, how do you
frame that, that it's soul language,
if that resonates for people?
I've certainly had people tell me that.
Belief in past lives is
against their religion.
So that's not something I, you
know, try to prove or disprove.
I think we're all here on earth to
have our own experiences and our own
beliefs, and they're all correct.
Mm-hmm.
Unless you're believing
something that harms others.
So if people do have past life,
um, imagery and things come through
and not everybody does mm-hmm.
A lot of times.
People only go back to childhood in
this life because like you, they have
experienced something that's still
with them that has still created
some kind of programming or response.
But if they do, then it's usually very
felt, which you can speak to as well.
Usually if people go into
these past lives, they really
feel something in their body.
Um, tears sometimes come and not
because they're experiencing something.
Bad.
So not everyone is going back and
reliving traumatic experiences.
It's just really why did
you choose the session?
Um, but yeah, I just frame it of of
like, this is your soul speaking.
This is your higher self.
That's that part of you that's
like connected to your heart,
not the part of you that's doing
the monkey mind racing thoughts.
Like we just know those aren't truths.
Right?
Right.
Those are just kind of bad habits.
So I just kind of frame that as.
Soul language, soul.
Smack speaking.
I can relate to the monkey
mind in can't we all?
I'm working on it in a big way.
Yeah, I mean it was really incredible.
And I do know that, there is so much
heaviness underneath everybody right now.
Yeah.
So if we don't take the time to
go inward and to get quiet and to
intentionally still our brains,
it's kind of impossible to not feel
like we're going a little crazy.
I agree.
Yeah, and I just wanna bring
in the movement piece too.
And we talked about this last time.
We're not here saying,
oh, you need to do yoga.
But it's really about movement.
Like you need to move your body.
It could just be walking for
20 or 30 minutes briskly.
And also the disconnection most
people have from the actual ground.
I, that's there's like whole.
Documentaries that are hours long
on that, and you know, because we've
talked about the breath and we've
talked about the mind, but ultimately
these things aren't really enough.
Again, it's a full pie, but it does
not have to take your entire day.
You don't have to go carve
out an hour for yoga.
But we really have to dive into what
are called self-care practices and
movement connection to the earth.
Breath.
These are to me like three pillars.
Not to mention then what are you putting
into your body, you know, with, with food.
And then it's just finding that balance.
It usually is when we're in our
forties that we start to discover,
oh, I can't continue to hustle.
You know, my nervous system is no longer.
Able to keep up with that.
Something that we have been
ingrained in our brains as well
for so long is the midlife crisis.
Yeah.
And I have been reframing
that it's a midlife awakening.
I love that.
I feel like that is 100% what it is.
Mm-hmm.
We're not having a crisis of going.
Oh my God.
I wanna look and be 20 years old.
You couldn't pay me to go back
to, I swear to God, you could not
pay me to go back to 20 years old.
It's an awakening of.
Oh my goodness.
I don't wanna say how much time I've
wasted or bullshit that has happened, but
it's like, okay, been there, done that.
Mm-hmm.
And, and I don't want any more of it.
No more bullshit.
Right?
No more shallow conversations.
No more half-ass, uh, work on
myself or, you know, not full
clarity or conviction in my choices.
So to me it feels more
like an awakening Yes.
Than a crisis.
Beautifully put, and that just circles
back to we are living in a time where
we have been cut off from our soul.
Like that is just ingrained in our society
right now, not to be connected to that
part of us that wants deep connection.
I think beneath everything, we just
want to be deeply loved, right?
Yeah.
And just to have those
relationships and not just with our.
Partner only and our children,
but we want community.
We need community, and
we have to choose that.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And something that I have heard
about for so long that I've finally
really, truly started ingraining in
my day to day are the affirmations.
Mm-hmm.
And I've talked about this before,
whether it's in the bedroom and
telling myself, I deserve pleasure.
You're not gonna let your
mind wander or just at home.
Yesterday I, the kids ended up
staying at their dad's house.
Supposed to come back.
They stayed an extra night.
So I had some free time on my hands and
I decided to just let myself indulge.
I didn't wanna do anything.
I had a pile of laundry.
I had so many things on the
to-do list, as we always do, and
instead, I was so fricking lazy.
And so I went in that.
Spiral where I was like, you can't
be lazy, you can't do, and then all
of a sudden I redirected it and I
out loud gave myself permission.
Kirby, you are allowed to slow down.
Kirby, you are allowed to be lazy today.
Which, what a silly word to begin with.
I mean, rest is one of the most
important things we can do.
But somewhere along the
way it got framed as.
Laziness, right on a day off.
And I think giving ourselves
that out loud permission.
Is, it's been so helpful for me
because I've literally had those,
those conversations that I talked
about that were seldom occupants, those
quiet conversations, it was always
intense and obsessive and aggressive
and pointing a finger at myself.
Like, why, why are we always
pointing the finger at ourselves?
It's our culture mean.
It's just work, succeed, strive, try, and
these are actually beautiful qualities,
but you really, um, sparked something
with the, with the lazy word because
in actuality, lazy is never a thing.
Even like teenagers who are just
spending hours in bed, I think they're
calling it bed rotting these days,
but there's a reason for that and it
has to do with the nervous system.
So in my opinion.
No one is lazy, ever, like clearly
you are not a lazy person ever in
your life with all that you do.
But like that again, is just a,
an example of that word doesn't
even need to be in our vocabulary.
Yeah.
At all.
Agreed.
If you are laying around not doing
something, there's something going
on, you're incapacitated, there's
something going on, anxiousness,
depression, something that's
preventing you from moving.
It is really interesting the way that.
The universe sometimes.
I'm a big believer in it now
shows up when we need it.
You were asking me this morning in
yoga if my arm was still hurting.
I had woken up with some severe nerve
pain the other day and I am very
intense about making sure that I
get to my four yoga classes a week.
They are my therapy.
They make all of the difference in my day.
Well, this was a pain that there
was no question I could not.
Come to class.
So I thought to myself, well, you
know what, I'm gonna ask Britt, can he
take the kids to school this morning?
I decided I was gonna cancel my two
morning meetings, so I did not have
to leave the house until one 30.
Well.
I slept until 1130 that morning.
I do not leave the house past, I mean,
seven, maybe the latest, most every
single day of the week, and now my
arm is pretty much feeling better.
So it was this random, weird pain
and that was my body telling me
that I needed to slow the fuck down.
Yeah.
And it was just incredible to me
because I just thought, wow, I, I
don't know where this is coming from.
I don't know why this is happening.
I'll be glad if it just goes
away without explanation.
But maybe it was just simply a little.
Nudge, nudge that I needed
to back off for a second.
Yeah.
I think we're chronically dysregulated and
chronically fatigued for the most part.
And those are great times to
give yourself that permission.
I just love how you use the
affirmations to tell yourself.
I mean, sometimes that's
what we need to do.
Yeah.
Because it's just a program
like, oh, I need to, need
to, need to, need to, mm-hmm.
And especially when we're mothers
or parents, um, providing for our
children or our families, like.
You can't just like not do the work.
Right.
Right.
And so I love that you took that space
and like gave yourself that permission,
I found, if I'm being really honest,
you know, I come on here every week.
I never pretend to have
it all figured out, but I.
You know, have been trying to take
more of my own advice, if I'm not
intentionally working on it I can go
right back into that place in two seconds.
It is so easy for the monkey mind.
Yeah.
To flip back up.
So having these conversations
with myself looking in the mirror,
you are allowed, you are okay.
You are safe.
This is what you need.
You are not gonna feel guilty.
I mean, I probably seem like a.
Total lunatic if somebody
was to walk in on me.
But it is working, so, if somebody
if they're a little more curious
about QHHT, wondering, you know,
if they did a session, is there
anything you'd want somebody to know?
. Yeah, I would like to say that I don't
really ever have anybody tell me that
they weren't a little nervous or unsure.
So I think that's something to note
you know, you can always ask questions.
I'm happy to talk to anybody about
it, whether you decide to or not.
And then something else, as I do psychic
readings as well, and I do something
called Akashic Records readings.
Mm-hmm.
And I do love to do a
reading for people first.
Because there are times when it's
not appropriate for someone, and
that's if you've just been in a major
traumatic incident, you know, you
have to be able to be calm, to lay
down to, to breathe, to do the thing.
So, you know, it's not always, um,
immediately appropriate for everyone.
What's something you wish people
understood about healing that
doesn't involve fixing themselves?
What's a little antidote?
That's a great question.
Thank you for that.
Um, even when I say quantum healing
hypnosis technique, I love to say
quantum hypnosis because I struggle
with the word healing because.
It indicates in how we've been taught
that something is wrong with you,
and I come from the perspective
that nothing is ever wrong with you.
You're having this human experience
to literally evolve as a human to
evolve if you believe in the soul,
the experience of the soul, and so.
Maybe well over like 15 years ago
when I was really struggling, having
constant panic attacks and, and really,
um, having difficulty in my own life.
I heard the quote, nothing
is happening to you.
Everything is happening for you, and
that can be really hard, especially
if you've had a super serious trauma
or, you know, there, there are.
Horrible things that can happen
in the human experience in life.
And so that can be a really
hard quote to really open up to.
But I have found, like I lost
everything in Hurricane Irma.
I lost my home.
I lost my business.
I had to use all of my savings as
a single mother to stay afloat.
I started bouncing in and out of debt.
It affected my life to this day.
But instead of going into
victim consciousness, I said,
how is this happening for me?
And I.
Continued to ask that question through
that experience, and I found beauty and
love and community and my work path took
different avenues that wouldn't have been
open if I still had had that business
that was kind of holding me there.
So.
Uh, long answer, but I just like
to say that we're already, whole
and healing is really about
uncovering who you are mm-hmm.
Beneath the noise, who you are, beneath
the grief, beneath whatever has happened
to you that you're struggling with.
And it's just who, who are you truly?
And let's discover that so that
you can live as your happiest
fullest, most embodied self
because it's available to everyone.
If you have food, shelter, and water.
If you're not actively living where bombs
are going off over your head, we all have
this ability to step out of the matrix.
If you wanna call it that and
live this life of ultimate
joy, love, and sovereignty.
So there's something that you said
to Brit and I in yoga the other day.
Yeah.
And it was about, uh, back in
ancient times when people would go
to a healer, if you will mm-hmm.
When they were not feeling
good and, and what, yeah.
They would say, I love this.
A quote by Gabrielle Roth, and it
says, in many shamanic societies, if
you would go to the medicine person
and you would complain of being
disheartened, dispirited, depressed,
they'd ask you these four questions.
When did you stop singing?
When did you stop dancing?
When did you stop being
enchanted by stories?
And when did you stop relishing
in the sweet territory of silence,
Um, absolutely love this woman.
You can find her evolve Key
West Full Circle Yoga School.
Highly recommend checking her out.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for
being on again today.
If this resonated with you or you
think it might resonate with a friend,
please like, subscribe and share.
If you're out on the YouTube
world, you can hit that bell button
so you never miss an episode.
Wherever you're listening from.
We appreciate you being here.
And remember, be kind to yourself.
Give yourself grace
and above all, breathe.
Thanks for listening to Behind the Blonde.