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The podcast for high-level leaders carrying the invisible weight of the world.
If you’re a founder, executive, or high-ranking leader, you already know this truth: the higher you rise, the fewer people you can safely talk to.
Lonely at the Top is a sanctuary in the storm—a space where the emotional cost of leadership is named, and where relief, clarity, and grounded support are always on the table.
Hosted by Soul Medic and former psychotherapist Rachel Alexandria, this podcast dives into the unspoken realities of high-level decision-making: the pressure, the isolation, the doubt, and the fatigue. Each episode offers insight, emotional tools, and conversations with seasoned leaders who’ve learned to navigate the weight of responsibility without losing themselves.
[00:00:00] Rachel: Welcome to Lonely at the Top, a podcast for high-level leaders carrying the invisible weight of the world. Because you know the higher you rise, the fewer people you can safely talk to. Here, we welcome founders, executives, and decision-makers who feel the isolation and pressure that comes with power.
[00:00:19] Lonely at the Top is your sanctuary in the storm, and I'm your host, executive coach and former psychotherapist, Rachel Alexandria. Today on the pod, it's just us, and I wanted to do a little, reflection on Sebastian's episode.
[00:00:35] as we said in the episode, that was his take two, because the first time, he was one of my early interviews for the podcast, and then he had a lot of stuff going on, which we get to in the episode that we've published, where he just, he needed to take some time and, and get himself right. so I really loved Sebastian's [00:01:00] bravery for coming on the show and being able to be vulnerable, and that's part of what I wanted to talk about is this is something that as a, public-facing figure, I've had to grapple with myself.
[00:01:14] When is it appropriate to be vulnerable about what you're going through, and when is it going to not serve you, not be for the best? I think Sebastian is a good example. Like, My rule of thumb is when you're in the middle of the mess is not the time to publicly share what's going on First, we have to get ourselves to a place of some level of stability or grappling with what we know is going on.
[00:01:44] And then from that place, we get to share with some clarity what has transpired. This is my rule of thumb, because I used to share pretty publicly on social media about whatever I was going through, you know, [00:02:00] talking about my emotions, talking about astrology, talking about loneliness or sadness or grief or anger or whatever.
[00:02:11] And for me, that was... I'm an extrovert. That was a way of bringing people in close, and I just always have felt like sharing publicly to some extent is part of my work in the world. I feel like it's one of those because I'm able to and I feel the compulsion to, I do. you could probably just encapsulate that at this point as I'm born to be a teacher.
[00:02:36] my dad actually told me when I was in my 30s that he had an envelope saved with a note written in it about what he thought I was gonna be when I grew up, and the, the thought was teacher. Instead, I became a psychotherapist and then an executive coach, so it's not entirely wrong. but what I learned from being vulnerable in public [00:03:00] too early, like before the lesson was baked, is A, that I would get unhelpful feedback that was counterproductive to whatever it was I was processing, in addition to some helpful and supportive feedback.
[00:03:14] But there were always some people who were like, "Are you okay? Do we need to help in some way?" Or like, it didn't represent me well professionally, even though I was okay. I was just having big feelings and processing them. but also It didn't instill confidence, I believe, in what I was putting out there.
[00:03:35] So over the years, 'cause I became a therapist and, started sharing on social media in my late 20s, so you know, it was quite a while ago, I learned that, yeah, I just developed this rule of thumb to not share until I was on the other side, not having zero emotions about something, but, if I could share about it without, like, [00:04:00] getting triggered into emotion, then it was an appropriate time to share.
[00:04:04] And I saw that reflected in Sebastian's episode, that he got to the place where he felt secure in his decisions and, in his ability to talk about some painful things without, as we would say in the profession, decompensating or, delving into, being emotional in a way that feels uncontrollable.
[00:04:27] Speaker: Hey, quick pause. If you've been listening to Lonely at the Top and something's landed, a story, a line, a moment that hit different, I wanna hear about it. Feedback shapes where my show goes, and I read every message. If what you're carrying right now is bigger than a comment, if there's a pattern that you're ready to get out of, a decision that feels like you're stuck in it, or a version of yourself you're ready to leave behind, I'm opening a limited number of discounted magic sessions for listeners this month.
[00:04:56] One session, real movement. The link is [00:05:00] in the show notes. Come find out what's actually possible when someone sees to the heart of what's going on and can help you get out. That's it. Back to the episode
[00:05:12] Rachel: So I think that's a note for leaders and people who want to be leaders, and the flip side of that, you know, so, like, here's when to not be vulnerable too early. But also what I heard reflected in Sebastian's episode was that he talks about how important vulnerability is for people to trust him in his community and in his organization.
[00:05:37] And I think that's, that's often where people have a hang-up. It's like, I can't not do it at all, right? Some people think, "Well, don't be unnecessarily vulnerable because it's messy and people won't trust you, and it doesn't look professional," like all the things I just named, and so they, they move the needle all the way to the other side and say, " Okay, well, I'll just never be [00:06:00] vulnerable."
[00:06:00] Well, we see in our society lots of ways where that's actually very unhealthy to never let your guard down, to never have emotional connection with people, to never let them see what's going on behind the scenes, is also not a good method of leadership, and especially when it's an organization like Sebastian's of, artistic people, right?
[00:06:23] People who are very, personality-based as dance teachers are. So You'll have heard on some of the shows that I've done, and I'm thinking of Meg Gluth's episode, I'm thinking of, Deidre Mecham, I'm thinking of, Alfred Frejo. There are lots of people who've been on the show who are high up in leadership who are very warm and personable and authentic, and how they treat people is part of why they're so successful, and they share authentically about their lives. people, pretty much everyone who's come on this [00:07:00] show, I've always been happily surprised by how much people are willing to give real human moments to their behind-the-scenes, to share with us real pains and struggles and challenges that they had.
[00:07:15] and it makes us like them more, right? I mean, so that's the challenge is how to be the best leader you can be by both being not too vulnerable at the wrong times but not eliminating vulnerability entirely. I think that figuring out nuance and balance is one of the hard works of moving into adult maturity and emotional sovereignty. All the time people who I work with are like, "Well, how do I know that I didn't do too much or that I didn't do too little? Or I don't wanna do any of this because I'm afraid of being all the way on the other side of the spectrum of that."
[00:07:56] And I think the key [00:08:00] for really being in your full maturity is balance. Not like work-life balance. It's not about 50/50 anything. It's, about understanding that being all of one thing and none of another thing usually isn't a sign of health
[00:08:16] Another example of that would be, selfishness. Like we don't wanna be too selfish because people don't like people who are all about themselves generally. And, you know, if you have much empathy as a person, it doesn't make you feel good to neglect others. And at the same time, a lot of the clients I work with have this over-responsibility that they exhibit towards others, and they're terrified of being selfish, and therefore they aren't receiving enough.
[00:08:47] They aren't being given to enough. They're doing too much caretaking, and it's deleterious. It's harmful to their mental and emotional health because they're not actually receiving enough. They're not taking [00:09:00] enough. They're not putting themselves first enough. Again, it needs to be balanced according to, you know, your cultural understanding, what makes you feel proud of yourself, and keeping your inner parts from being resentful 'cause, you know, no matter how much you try to be selfless, there's gonna be inner child parts of you that get resentful if you never take care of them or put them first.
[00:09:28] So those are my reflections on the show What do you think about this? What's your experience of balancing in your life and in your leadership the vulnerability versus the, image of having it together or needing to be the driver at the wheel? I'm curious.
[00:09:46] Thanks for taking a moment to tune in with me today and reflect upon balance and vulnerability in leadership
[00:09:54] And thanks for listening to Lonely at the Top. If this conversation resonated today, I hope [00:10:00] you'll give yourself permission to pause and check in with what you might be carrying because you don't have to hold it all alone.
[00:10:06] I am an executive coach who works with spiritually inclined powerhouses, especially those who wanna clean up difficult relationships and other secret messes. You can learn more at rachealexandria.com. If you know another leader who needs to hear this show, please send it their way because yeah, it's _Lonely At The Top_, but it doesn't have to stay that way
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