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You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
Hey guys. Welcome back to the Dad's Tired podcast. Before we jump in, I wanna thank my friends over at Classical Conversations for sponsoring today's episode.
Interested in homeschooling classical conversations can help you lead your child to a world of possibilities by equipping you with a proven curriculum and support from a local community of homeschool families.
You're their first teacher, be their best teacher. Learn how to make homeschooling doable. Visit classical conversations.com/dad tired.
So I shared some of these thoughts with the guys over in our Mighty Networks community, which by the way, that's totally free community. If you're not part of that, would love to have you be part of that and just go to connect.dad tire.com or click the community tab on Dad Tire.
But I'll try to jump in there once a month and just share some things that God is showing me and teaching me and hopefully encourage the guys over there. We also do giveaways there, so we'll, we'll give away like big, I try to give away big stuff, like stuff that's worth. I don't wanna give away like a pencil, you know?
So we'll do stuff like, I, I think last time we gave away a retreat free ticket. Or buy one, get one ticket to the, the DA Tired retreat in September, we'll give away like our family leadership program for free. Anyway, all kinds of fun, big stuff over there. So would love to have you jump over there. Not only do we give have giveaways, but we do devotionals and we have meetups over there.
You can find guys locally or jump into a meetup online. We have Bible studies that you can go through, like with your small group. If you're meeting with a small group of guys and you're just looking through some material. We have dad tired, specific small group material that you can go through. All of it's free, so just jump in over there and we'd love to have you meet other guys and I.
Get connected there. But anyway, we did a live event this last week and I was sharing with the guys some of the stuff that I'm gonna share with you. Uh, but I thought it's just really been resonating with me. I gave like a five minute little devotional over there and I thought I'd like to kind of unpack these thoughts a little bit more with you guys.
This morning. I was having coffee with Layla. We try to get up early. And go have some coffee together. By go, I mean like in our kitchen, we sit and look out the window. Just try to connect with each other before the chaos of family hits and the kids get up, we homeschool too. So it's just like as soon as the kids get up, it's just full blown chaos from start to finish.
We go to bed early, but trying to get up early and just connect with God, connect with each other, get some exercise in, spend some time in God's Word, pray, things like that. Anyway, we're looking out the window today. There was a family of ducks. Hang with me. I know that's like a weird intro. There's a family of ducks.
We have this little pond out in our backyard. This is important for the story, so hang with me. There is a family of ducks looking at the pond, and we just moved from the west coast over to the east coast and where we live, there are gators, which is, I'm still like, I can't believe I live next to dinosaurs.
It's crazy to me. But anyway, so there's a literal gator in my backyard. And I'm not exaggerating that. Sometimes even as I'm recording the podcast, I'll like see him swim by or like hop up on the the side and everything in me as I'm like doing an interview, tries not to get distracted by that. Anyway, so there's a family of ducks.
They're next to the pond. And there's a two adults and a bunch of their babies, and all the babies are eating. They're like finding little worms or whatever. Ducks eat in the ground, so they're eating all their stuff and one of the adults is eating. I'm not smart enough to know the male and female duck, or if they have different names, but two adults here.
My mind just went on so many tangents. Two adult ducks. One of them is eating with the babies. I'm assuming it was the man. I'd like to think it was the man who is not eating, and here's what one of the male ducks is, or one of the ducks is doing. Again, I assume it's the guy I don't really know. Could have been the mom, but one of the ducks literally will not eat.
As the other ones are just casually looking for things in the ground. This particular duck is scanning that pond nonstop. It's like stoic and like a statue, and like just completely, you could tell it's like locked in, focused. What are the surroundings here? And again, I know I'm talking about ducks here, so this is really kind of a lame illustration.
But dude, I'm, I don't know if it's 'cause I just woke up and my mind's in some weird fog, but I watched that duck look out for his family as the or her family. I don't know, I. As the family's eating, I'm just gonna say it's a guy for, or this is a dad podcast. So let's just assume what's a dude If, if there are any women listening, I apologize.
I'm not trying to be sexist. If there's some Google facts you need to send me about women ducks, that it protects their family. This went on a tangent. I did not mean to go on regardless of the gender. This duck is looking out, scanning and dude, I'm, I just woke up, I'm watching the scene. I got like a National Geographic episode playing out 50 feet from my window, and I just get this like fired up feeling in my chest.
Like, dude, this guy, this dad is out there sacrificing, not eating. Watching, scanning. He's got his head on a swivel, making sure no gator comes up and eats his wife and kids. And I'm like in, I'm like, ready to attack my day, like accomplish some stuff and protect my family. After I watch this duck. I'm like, dude, how cool of a picture of is this, that he's just sitting there scanning the pond, protecting his family, looking out.
I'll go without eating. I wanna make sure that my family, my tribe, my crew is taken care of. So I'm gonna stand here. I'm gonna keep my head on a swivel and I'm gonna make sure everything's good. And dude, again, I know we're talking about ducks, but that was in a weird way at six o'clock this morning.
Incredibly inspiring to me. Um, I've been thinking about, I think too, the reason that like stuck out to me is because I've been thinking a lot about, I. For us as men, what does it look like to be protectors of our family, to keep watch out for our family? Like this is one of when we think through just us as men, it's something we all take pride in.
It's something like intrinsically deep in our soul there. There's just like, this dude, I'll, I'll travel the airport. You know, we got four kids, so it's my wife and my kids and to and like I just, there's some sense of pride. Of just like I'm in charge here. I get to take care of them. It's my role to protect them, to make sure we get from point A to point B.
Even something as silly as loading them up in the car and just driving, like I subconsciously, like deep down, there's a sense of pride. Their life is in my hands in some way. Obviously I trust the sovereignty of God and his. Control over my life and our, our family's life. But there's this sense that he's like allowing me to shepherd them, to protect them.
And it's just kind of this cool feeling that's such a big part for of our identity as men. Like we are their protectors. And so I want you to think about that picture of the ducks doing that because even though for many of us. It is intrinsic that we want to protect and lead our families. I think if you just look around culturally, generally speaking, there are a lot of men who actually are the ones with their heads down eating with the kids, and it's actually the mom who's worrying about all the other things that need to happen to make sure the family is safe and protected and moving forward.
There are again, I don't know if that was a mom duck or a dad duck that was keeping the eye out, but the truth is like there are a lot of dudes who are just kind of living life, wanting to be served. I want my wife to serve me. I wanna just get through my work, as you know, fast and as easy as possible, and I just wanna watch a game or have a beer or do whatever and just kind of relax while the mom is constantly thinking through.
Is our family moving forward? Are we safe? Are we being productive? What are the bills like? Like they're constantly thinking about my wife and I know this is like a really common phrase, I'm hearing it more and more, uh, that like a wife carrying the mental load of the family and Layla's even told that to me like, you have no idea the amount of things that I think about.
Constantly to make sure that our family's moving forward. Now, I will say in a man's defense, we think about all those many of the same things or many different things that our mind is running through. I'm not trying to slam dude tear 'cause I, I know, obviously I'm a guy and I know guys and, uh, we. Quietly think about a lot of things that our wives will never know about, that we are thinking about our families all the time and trying to protect them.
But dude, I, I do think there are men or sometimes times in our life, even for men who are trying to do this well, we're the ones with our heads down, man. We're like eating and feasting with our kids, and I'm not just talking about physical food. You know what I mean though? Like we're feasting in life.
We're just kind of enjoying the pleasures of life while our spouse. Is the one keeping watch, and that might just be for you listening, that might just be spiritually like she's keeping watch spiritually while you got your head down and you got your face full of Cheetos and whatever. While she's like constantly thinking about the spiritual wellbeing of our kids, your kids.
So I want you to think about that like that. It's a big deal, dude. As men, we are not called to be putting our heads down and enjoying the leisures of life while our spouse does the work. While a family, we don't want our kids to take that responsibility. We don't want our wives to take that responsibility.
We as men wanna be the ones who are constantly thinking about how to protect our kids and our family. And so when you think through the word protection. Just like that duck had its head on a swivel looking for gators or any other predator. We also, as men, want to keep our heads on a swivel, and part of this is just physical, right?
Like I have security cameras at my house. If you come onto my property, there are gonna be chimes and alerts that let me know somebody is on my property. I have might get me thrown under the bus in some ways. I have firearms, I have ways to protect my family. There's just like, I want to keep my family.
Physically safe when we're driving, when we get in the car, I lock the doors. I make sure everyone's wearing a seatbelt. I keep food in the house, you know, so that I have blankets in case things get cold. All these things that I'm constantly thinking about, physical safety, and for sure dudes are, we're pretty good at that.
Like that's a natural instinct for us. And so I want to physically protect. That's part of spiritual leadership that we protect our families, but it also means way more than that. We can't just stop at physical protection. Most of us are not gonna take a bullet. For our wife and kids. Hopefully by the grace of God.
We'll that will never be our scenario. Some of you will. I have a lot of friends or people who are listening to this who are in law enforcement or military, and I thank you guys for going on the front lines to protect our, our families, but most of us are never gonna be in that scenario. And so we can't just think through protection physically.
There's much more to it. Then physical protection. Protecting them also means I, I wanna protect my kids from the lives of culture. So I'm thinking through and being active about what are they watching on the screen? What kind of movies are they watching? YouTube? Do they have access to screens and to internet?
Should I be involved in the things that they are watching, the amount of internet access they have? What about the things that their friends are saying, the neighbors are saying, the kids at school are saying, uh, what about the things that they're hearing from other. Parents or leaders or influencers that might not be truth or might not align with what we believe from a biblical worldview.
And so as a protector, I'm thinking through, all right, I'm protecting them physically. I wanna protect their minds, their hearts. I wanna be engaged, I wanna be like that duck. My head's on a swivel. What's coming into their life, their eyes, their ears, that might corrupt. Them that might hurt them, that might pull them away from Jesus and what God has for their lives.
It also means protecting them spiritually. Like, dude, I wanna pray for my kids. I wanna pray with them. I wanna pray over them as often as I can. I know that there's an enemy that hates my kids. That is the reality. In case you just need, like, we all need to just take a moment and pause. There is an enemy.
There are people in this world who would literally love to destroy our families. There's also an enemy who would love to destroy your family. He hates you. He hates your marriage. He hates your kids. To not think that is to be naive. And so as diligent as I am to make sure that there's a camera in front of my door to make sure I can see anyone that comes on my property.
Dude, I also want to be on the front lines of the spiritual battle to say, okay, there's an enemy that wants to destroy my family spiritually, and I'm not gonna let that happen. And so. Protecting them spiritually means I'm also praying for them. I'm praying with them. I'm praying over them. I am constantly aware that there's an enemy who hates them, and I'm going to battle.
I wanna be the front. I got my head on a swivel. What is the enemy trying to do here? I never. Thought of myself as a duck, but this morning, man, again, 6:00 AM this little guy or gal, uh, inspired me to be a better leader. I know that sounds stupid, uh, and a little bit pathetic, but I think most dudes can. You probably feel that in your chest a little bit like, no, dude, that is cool.
There's something, there's something to be said about keeping your head on a swivel as your family enjoys the things that they need to enjoy, that they're protected, that they feel safe because you're around them. This week I was asked to teach at my church. If you follow along on Instagram or some of the other places, uh, I posted that I'm not on staff at the church.
Some of you guys ask, ask, like when I go and travel and speak, like, what church am I at? Am I on staff? Am I a pastor at the church? I'm, I'm not. I am a pastor. I'm still licensed and ordained through the dad's tired ministry, but I'm not pastoring at a church. I did that for several years, over a decade, but now dad's tired is a full-time thing for me, so I'm just pastoring through dad tired.
But anyway, the church asked if I would fill in. For our guy Caleb, who's actually gonna be teaching at our, our men's retreat, he and I are gonna split up the teaching. The dude is a phenomenal teacher. Somebody asked me recently, like. Who, where do you go to get filled up? You're pouring out and you're writing books and doing this stuff, but where do you go?
And I said him like, I go to my local church and Caleb pours into me. The dude is just, he loves Jesus and he's, he convicts me. The spirit of God is working in him in crazy ways. Anyway, he was outta town and he said he asked if I could fill in, so I did, and I taught it on the passage. Matthew five, the Beatitudes.
If you're not familiar with the scriptures, you're just kind of new to faith or you're exploring that. There's this really important passage in the book of Matthew where Jesus gives his very first public sermon. It's like the greatest sermon he ever gives. All of his other teachings are really come back to.
This foundational message that he gives in Matthew chapter five, and they call it the be attitudes at the beginning where he's basically saying, blessed are, and he just goes through all this like, you're blessed of this. You're blessed of this. You're blessed are this, and all of it truly doesn't make sense.
His first words are blessed are those who are poor in spirit, which is like, what? That doesn't feel like a blessing. Blessed are those who mourn. Blessed are those who are persecuted. It's all these like. They're counter-cultural things. They flip it upside down. They didn't make sense to the current audience.
They definitely wouldn't make sense to us now like this, that none of that feels like blessing. Anyway, I, I was teaching a message on Matthew five and that there was one line since I've taught that I just keep coming back to that has been like tripping me up for the last week, and it's this Matthew chapter five, verse nine, where it says, blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God.
And it struck me because I've spent the last several years trying to lean into my identity as a son. Like if you've listened to this podcast, this is something I harp on a lot. I'm just trying to process through. My dad bailed when I was young, and as I'm growing up and I'm now a dad of four kids, I'm trying to figure out, okay, what does it look like for me to find my identity as a son of God alone?
Not as an author, not as a podcaster, not as a pastor, not even as a husband or a father, but like my deepest identity being. I'm a son of God. I'm deeply loved by the Father, and that is enough that satisfies my soul. And I for sure don't feel like I'm there, but I've been trying to lean into that as far and as deep as I can.
'cause I know the closer, the more I do, like when I start, when I get glimpses of just my identity rooted deep in Jesus, and deep in the fact that I'm loved by the Father regardless of what I can or can't accomplish. I'm a better husband, I'm a better dad, I'm a better friend, all of that stuff. So. When I hear that phrase in Matthew five, blessed are the peacemakers for, they will be called sons of God.
Like it's tripping me up in many ways, and I'll explain like what I mean by that. But dude, I, I wanna be a son, I wanna be a good son. I wanna represent my father and the family well. And so when I read that, it's like it's messing with me all this week because I'm trying to figure out. How do I be a duck that has a his head on a swivel while at the same time being a peacemaker?
Those two things in some ways feel opposing to me. Like when I first I'm thinking through, I wanna be a protector, I wanna be bold, I wanna be courageous. And yet, what does it look like when Jesus says blessed? Which by the way means like happy or a deep sense of joy like. Deep shalom, peace all the way down in your gut like you're sleeping well at night because you've got the deep joy of the Lord in your bones.
Like that's what he means by blessed. Blessed are the peacemakers that feels contrasting. It feels like it doesn't. It's at odds with being this strong, courageous, bold leader. And when I first read it, like when I first read peacemaker, here are the things that come to mind. I immediately go to things like.
Well, blessed are the, the man who is quiet, a peacemaker is quiet. He's peaceful. He doesn't ruffle feathers. He's passive. Maybe like that would be maybe an extreme version. Like he's just kind of passive. He's not gonna say things. He's just gonna kind of float around. He doesn't wanna be noticed. He doesn't wanna make.
A ruckus here. He doesn't wanna cause a scene. And this is where I'm getting stuck. 'cause that guy doesn't sound at all like the strong leader or protector that I'm like trying to lean into. I'm trying to be the protector god's called me to be. And it doesn't feel like any of those qualities when I first think through peacemaker.
Those again, those things feel at odds. And so I've been spending time in prayer this week. I'm just, I've been asking God, God, what does it look like for me as a man? To be strong, courageous, brave, and at the same time a peacemaker and side note, like ps. I want you to ask yourself right now, do you believe that God can actually give you wisdom and clarity on things you're struggling with or things that you're confused about?
The reason I ask that is 'cause dude, so many of us are guilty. We run to Google, we ask friends, we post on social media. We even quietly just wrestle through a problem in our own head, but we never actually ask the maker of life. We never seek his wisdom. James one five says this, if any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to you.
And so I just try to take the word of God seriously. He said to ask for wisdom if I lack it. And so I just asked him, God, how do I become a strong leader while also being a peacemaker? And just again, as a side note for you to think through, like are you taking your problems, the things that you feel confused about, the things that you feel like you don't have wisdom on, do you, are you just actually praying about them?
Are you doing what James says? If you lack wisdom, ask God and he'll give generously to you. Uh, and so again, that's what I've been asking God. God, what does it look like for me to be a strong leader while also being a peacemaker? And here's some things that I feel like God was giving me clarity on this week as I spent some time praying, being a peacemaker.
Does not mean that you're always peaceful. Being a peacemaker does not mean that you never ruffle feathers. Being a peacemaker does not mean that you hold back your feelings or you don't say what you're thinking because you don't wanna upset anyone. It doesn't mean that you're purposely passive or that you blend in with the crowd.
Those were some things that I was thinking of as I was thinking immediately reading that passage. Blessed are the peacemakers. He's just, he's passive. He's passive. He's tries to be peaceful like, and by that I mean he's not trying to ruffle feathers. He is not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. He doesn't wanna say what he's thinking.
I don't wanna say this to my wife 'cause it might cause some stuff. Yeah. I don't wanna say this to my boss or to my friend. I'm just trying to keep the peace over here. That is not what being a peace maker means. Here's the truth. Being a peacemaker might mean that you have to be the most courageous man in the room.
Sometimes being a peacemaker does not mean that you're passive. You're quiet, you're blending in. You don't wanna ruffle feathers. Being a peacemaker can mean that you actually have to be the most courageous guy in the world. And let me give you a real life example of this so that I think it will make a little bit more sense for you.
I have a friend, I was just with him. He has for many, many years struggled quietly with an addiction. It was a secret battle that no one knows about. And his life, honestly, from the outside was fine. Like he wasn't in crisis mode. He has good marriage, was a good dad. He's got a nice family. He probably would even say he's blessed, like, man, I live a pretty blessed life, but I think Jesus, just based on Matthew five, Jesus probably would say.
Blessing in my kingdom looks a lot different than what the world would say is blessing. And so this guy ends up having to bring up all these things, all these secrets, all these hidden things to light and start to deal with some of his past sin and past pain and you know, what happened? He is now experiencing as a result of having the courage to step into these past sins, pain points, things that he's been tripped up with for years.
As a result of bringing that up, he's experiencing a different kind of peace in his heart and his marriage and his friendships, that honestly, he would say, I didn't even think this kind of peace was possible. So fighting for peace in your soul, becoming a peacemaker required a lot more courage than he ever imagined.
He could have just said quietly like, dude, I'm gonna die with this. Even knowing there's some tension, there's some conflict in my marriage because there's things that my wife doesn't fully know about me. There's things that people don't fully know about me that's conflict. That's not peace. You're secretly dealing with things that you don't actually have peace about.
In fact, you live your life kind of never fully at peace 'cause there's a part of you that you, it's hurt or that's sinful or that nobody knows about or that you just can't share, you haven't dealt with or whatever. And so you're never fully at peace. But he would say, in order to find that kind of peace, I had to have a ridiculous amount of courage.
And you know what's happening. As a result of that, he's experiencing blessing. I. Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called sons of God. I promise you. I know for a fact. He's experiencing the deepest joy and happiness that he's ever experienced. It's deeper than he had ever known was possible.
But he had to have the courage to be a peacemaker, to find, to seek out peace, to chase after peace, to stop pushing things under the rug in order to say, I'm going to go toward this conflict in my soul, in my marriage, in my relationships, in my past. I'm gonna go toward it. I'm gonna seek out peace. And as a result, he's finding deeper blessing and joy than he is ever found.
He had to have the courage to own up to it to become a peacemaker. That's the opposite dude. That's the opposite of being passive. It's the opposite of being quiet. It's the opposite of not wanting to ruffle feathers. All of those things were happening. He had to be intentional. He. He had to be courageous.
He had to speak up, he had to admit things. He had to repent. He had to ruffle feathers in relationships. All of those things happen when you're thinking through peacemaker. It wasn't just bury things and blend in with the crowd. It was actually, I'm gonna have to courageous to step into conflict in my own life, in my own relationships.
In order that I might find peace, and as a result, he's finding a glimpse of heaven here on Earth. And so I guess the question for you, brother, I know I've been talking a lot here, the question for you is this, where is there conflict in your life? Where is there strife in your relationship with your wife, with your kids, with a boss, an old friend, a parent, a relative, an in-law?
Where is there conflict or strife currently in your life? What would it look like for you to, as Romans 12 says, live at peace to the best of your ability? Like, are you actually to the best of your ability? Are you able to live at peace among men? Again, Romans 12 says that because as spiritual leaders, we aren't passive, we aren't quiet, we aren't timid men.
We are bold men. Men of courage, men who are willing to step into hard conversations. Not to ruffle feathers, but to bring peace. Like we're not just trying to step into a fight for the sake of fight. We're stepping into fights. We're stepping into hard stuff. We're stepping into hard conversations for the sake of peace in our soul, in our marriages, in our families, in our communities.
Why? Because that's what our father is like. You will be called sons of God. I wanna be like my dad. I wanna represent the family well. So again, you have to ask yourself where is there current conflict in your life? Where is there strife in your life? Is there conflict? Is there strife that you're currently avoiding?
And maybe you look at your life, dude, from a kind of a zoomed out perspective and you're like, nah, my life's fine. Marriage is, I got a decent marriage, I got a good marriage. Work is fine, relationships are fine. But secretly, dude, you know. You know that there's something that needs to be addressed. You know that there's not actual peace in your soul.
There's not peace in your marriage. Not full peace, not the kind of blessing peace that Jesus was talking about, that deep shalom, deep happiness in your soul. There's always kind of a part of you that you feel like will never quite be there. Dude, if that's you. You're not experiencing the blessing that God has for you.
It looks different. Even though the world may look at you from the outside, from social media, from whatever pictures and say, oh dude, this guy's pretty blessed. But you know, you're not really experiencing the blessed life that Jesus has for you, and so you have to ask yourself, what would it look like? To be a man who has his head on a swivel who looks to protect your family at all costs.
Even if that means fighting for peace in areas of conflict, in your own heart, in your own marriage, in your own relationship with your kids, in your own place, at work, in your own community. Like dude, you are going to protect. You are gonna fight for peace. Not because you're looking for a fight, not because you're trying to pick a fight, but because you realize that this life is sinful.
It's a sinful world. You'll automatically have conflict and strife, and instead of being quiet and passive and a timid man, instead you're gonna have the courage to say, I'm gonna step into this fight because I want there to be deep peace, deep blessing. I wanna see the chunks of heaven just rain down on earth.
Why? Because that's what our father is like. That's what God is like. He brings peace. We were far from God. We were enemies of God. Instead of God being timid and passive and not really wanna bring that up, God stepped into the fight so that he could be a peacemaker for us. He's the greatest and ultimate peacemaker.
He took his enemies and turned them into sons, and then he said, son, go do that kind of thing. Don't be timid, be courageous. Step into hard things so that you can bring peace where there's conflict, where there's things that are unsettled. Step into them, son. Be like me. Show the world what your father is like.
I hope that that's helpful for you guys this week. I love you. I'll see you next time.