On Black.

In this episode, the On Black. hosts discuss their fears about the future.

Show Notes

 In this episode, the On Black. hosts discuss their fears about the future. For more, follow On Black. on Instagram.

Creators & Guests

Alexis Grant
Hamsata Mazou
Jeanine Ikekhua

What is On Black.?

A WKNC commentary podcast about living and evolving while Black, hosted by Alexis Grant, Jeanine Ikekhua and Hamsata Mazou.

Alexis Grant 00:00

Hi, I'm Alexis.
Hamsata Mazou 00:01

And I'm Hamsata.
Jeanine Ikekhua 00:02

And I'm Jeanine. And you're tuned into WKNC at 8.1 FM HD one. Thanks for listening!
Alexis Grant 00:16

Hi, Guys, welcome back! Oh, yeah. Oh,
Jeanine Ikekhua 00:41

Alexis, what do you have for us today?
Alexis Grant 00:42

Today? We're gonna be talking about our fears of the future.
Jeanine Ikekhua 00:49

Okay, so this episode. Yeah, I'm here, but I'm not here.
Alexis Grant 00:54

Jeanine Ikekhua 00:55

Remember, when that time when I was acting crazy.
Alexis Grant 00:57

Oh, that's what we are. Yeah. Okay. So first off, right off the bat. How often do you guys have an x, this move Englis existential crises? about the future? Who knows?
Hamsata Mazou 01:10

I feel like for me personally. It used to be a thing. But I don't really remember things . I am very muc a present person. I remember I did have some fears about the future. But currently right now I feel so sound in my present. Oh, that must be nice. Right? Things I don't know, things like really don't worry me. Unless it's like a big thing. Things happen. It's happened already. I'm like, okay, whatever, move on, you know, and I just have a feeling of me that I know that my future is gonna be great. Keep doing what I need to do and stuff. You know what I mean? So I just don't have a fear that I used to have for the future. But I do understand somewhat relate to it, but not really because I'm not in that state no more.
Alexis Grant 01:52

So now you and me Janine. Spec, how often? Do you have existential crises?
Jeanine Ikekhua 02:00
Like, okay, like, they're big, wasn't it? Like little, little thoughts that pop in about, oh, my god, what am I gonna be like, I'm not gonna get hit a lot. And then there's like, the big ones. For like, but the small ones every single day, the big ones like every other week, I would say like, yeah, every other week.
Alexis Grant 02:19

I mean, like, minus a few days or a week, or it's just all the time. rampid. And then I have a week where it's okay, I'm cool.
Jeanine Ikekhua 02:30

No, I think it gets worse when I'm in school,
Alexis Grant 02:33

for sure. Yes, for 100%. Actually,
Hamsata Mazou 02:36

the big deciding factors of school, for example, applying to colleges, you know, that was like, really stressful. And that was my first year on campus was kind of stressful, because at that time, I had the mindset of colleges, like defining and stuff, I just kind of don't feel like things are defining anymore, at least to me. And because of that, I just don't feel like nothing's gonna ultimately alter the future that I have set for myself, like significantly to the point that I still won't be able to attain it, maybe it'll take a little bit longer. Maybe there'll be some side doors, back doors, maybe there'll be some, like pus backs or whatever. But I feel like I'm still gonna get there. You know what I mean? So in my head, it processes the process, I know, the endpoint will normally reac it someday, somehow, I don't really know know when or how it's gonna get there.
Alexis Grant 03:19
See? Yeah. I get what you seen by like colleges and defining, and they tell us this, but I don't feel like we take it in the finding if you make it to find it. Yeah, like if you take advantage of the opportunities, and like the things going on around college, in the classes, and your professors, then college is defining. But it doesn't have to be your defining factor.
I agree. I don't know.
Hamsata Mazou 03:49

And it's like something can be defining of like, what you do now, but I don't think it's defining your like future like less some people don't really take advantages what they have in college, their future is so good. Yeah, it might have been better than them actually taking those opportunities. So they might have been like overly stressed and stuff. And then ultimately kind of like dropped down from doing anything at all because they were like all these defining things that I thought will lead to the end point I thought it did it didn't leave me there actually me somewhere else, you know what I mean? So I really just think it's really about like taking your time and just doing what you feel like it's best.

Jeanine Ikekhua 04:21

Also for like, I feel like my existential crisis crisis sees the UK RCS. I feel like they come from my frustration. I love NC State. But I did not come to the best school for journalism. I did not come to the best school locations. They very muc they love their engineers Lexie. Wow.
Alexis Grant 04:42

They're engineers. But they also math. They love us, but they make us go throug hell, like I came here accepted as a chemical engineer, but they can deny me. Oh, yeah, know that. We have to code it into our engineering program and they can deny you So what happens if you get denied? I can't be chemical engineer, even thoug that's what I came here for.
Jeanine Ikekhua 05:04

What should be called? Yeah, quota.
Alexis Grant 05:07
So for engineers, for engineers, it's completely different. It's like for everybody else, like you get into your program pretty much. For us. It's like, if you don't hit a certain GPA, you're not getting into your program. And they just one way that you and
Jeanine Ikekhua 05:18

I say they love their engineers, because like, you guys have incredible resources. Like they invest so muc like I'm doing a summer researc internship. But it's like for the College of engineer, and I literally told my humanities professor, my advisor, and he looked at me, like, where did you find that kind of money? And he, he literally was like, did you do college engineer like, do they somehow accept you? And I'm like, Yeah, College of engineer, because they just have like, all the money. And like, all the resources, no offense to the engineers, like, I understand that we're a STEM school, but like, put some money in the humanities, like, we need resources, shoot. And like, that's my existential crisis comes from because I don't have access to as many resources that I would want to
Alexis Grant 05:59
like, you can't reac your potential because yeah, resources. Yes. I would like it strictly to know Yeah, I'd be pissed off. Yeah, yeah, I
understand. And I know I might
Hamsata Mazou 06:10

get there because I'm planning on going to humanities as well. Oh, yeah. Maybe that'll shift my perspective of where I'm at right now. But this is where I'm at right now. Yeah, they
Jeanine Ikekhua 06:19

they have I just don't think they took the time the quality into invest in that area of NC State.
Hamsata Mazou 06:25

And I kind of just don't like how I least most colleges are set up like this like how you don't get to like your core classes until later. Yeah, of your college career. Kill some dreams. It really does. Because by the time you get there, it's like, Well, is it even wort it? Do I want to do this stuff and the material isn't isn't as in dept as you would like it to be give you that experience that you wanted, or you were hoping for? So you're kind of disappointed wit what you receive also this like, way and then you get to that thing, like the classes near you. It's like this is not what I expected. You know, this is not what I wanted. And this is not the fuel. I believe I need to like get to where I want to go.
Jeanine Ikekhua 07:03

No, I I've I've had like two majors, two minors and I'm dropping a minor. And I just feel like my flip flopping back around. Like it ties back to my crisis just because like, I don't know if I'm doing the right major or like the right for me, because I don't know what else is out there to offer. Let me I feel like I think I have it down packed. But then I don't know what else is out. And I know there's more because I hear people doing more. Yeah, but that more is just not where I am at. It's kind of hard to navigate something that you're unfamiliar with. Like I think I've done an okay job. Like I think he's
Alexis Grant 07:39
got a fantastic job honestly, like 11 out of 10 literally an example. I can't speak straight.
Jeanine Ikekhua 07:51

Don't say all that like I try.
Hamsata Mazou 07:54

Done. So well wit your career so far.
Jeanine Ikekhua 07:57
Jeanine Ikekhua 07:57

I think I need more. You been nice, but I understand this. I'm never satisfied wit what I have. Ooh, that sounds Oh, god. No,
Hamsata Mazou 08:06

no, because you once you get sad, like fully satisfied, you become complacent. So I don't feel like it's bad to say I'm never. But I think you should also enjoy the things that yeah, she might be lacking. Yeah. Yeah, like the things that you do accomplish. Be like, proud of yourself, take that moment ticket and be like, Yo, I did this like, this is my accomplishment.
Alexis Grant 08:27
So outside of worries of like careers. You guys get worried about like, being happy in the future. Yeah. Oh, see
Jeanine Ikekhua 08:37

if I don't have
Alexis Grant 08:39
what do you consider much? No, no. I mean, the last part was financial stability. So you already went down?
Jeanine Ikekhua 08:44

In fact, yeah, financial stability. If I cannot afford an apartment and like afford, if I cannot live my half luxurious life, aka like, if I can go on my friends. If I can't go on like trips. If I can afford a home of my own. I think my biggest deciding factor is like if I have to move back to my parents. That's how I know I failed. Or me,
Hamsata Mazou 09:05

okay. Yeah.
Alexis Grant 09:06
Personally, I can't understand that, too. Because I feel like I have the potential in me to not have to do I'd be financially stable. Yeah, if I do. I feel like I just didn't do as muc as I should have.
Jeanine Ikekhua 09:16

No, I agree. Because like, I know, it's possible. Like I've seen my siblings do it. I've seen people in my field. Like I've already like, I've set up myself to the point where I can get there. So it's like, if I don't get there, I will be like, I wouldn't be like arginine. I can't believe they're like I will be disappointed myself because like I really like planned everything as muc as I can even factor in like things changing to make sure that I don't end up back in my parents house. Like I really don't want to I want to be on my own like I want to there's certain things that after graduation, I want a job and I want to have a place and I want to have the money to have a place once I graduate and those are my two biggest goals. Like everything that I'm doing for college right now. It's just I need the money.
Hamsata Mazou 09:58

And that's valid and I think you're on the right pat to doing that. And I think you will make it. We'll see who
Alexis Grant 10:07
you are. Do you worry about like, family and marriage and like
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:12

I don't care if the man did not come I really could not care less. I'm so I'm so more focused on yourself. Yeah. Oh, my career. My well being because I think my mental healt is gonna, like be my top priority once I graduate. Okay. Like, that's gonna be number
Alexis Grant 10:28
one. That's what I like to hear no black people sizing mental healt
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:32

now, because at this point, what's your rating? Oh, yeah. But it's like,
Alexis Grant 10:37
I don't want to. I didn't want to eat. I know what you're, you're sacrificing it. Yeah, in order to have that feature where you don't need to sacrifice for it.
Hamsata Mazou 10:46
The sacrifice isn't like
Jeanine Ikekhua 10:48

unrepairable. No, it's definitely not.
Hamsata Mazou 10:51

I felt we all make sacrifices.
Alexis Grant 10:53
We shouldn't have to, though. We really, really shouldn't have to buy these bill. But no, like, I want to bring it that like it don't matter. Generation will do that. I feel like we're doing better at it. But we're also like, none of the most depressed generation we really are. So it's hard because we want to break past so bad, but we want to like, be hit the hardest.
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:16

The generation that no offense to my grandma grandma's my mom's generation, but like, realistically, we're the ones facing a lot of our issues. I feel like a lot of like stuff would happen and people would put it to the side. Yeah. Facing trauma. Yeah, I feel like we're the ones like now we gonna uncover that tree?
Hamsata Mazou 11:33

Every like, covered thing.
Alexis Grant 11:35
Yeah, we're the rocks on turn. Yeah. See the hand gestures?
Hamsata Mazou 11:40

Yeah, like everything that's been covered. We're trying to uncover it. Yeah. And we like to challenge people and talk about things that I feel like, aren't usually talked about honor for sure. Whic I do appreciate about us. Like women being on radio, like, as we
Alexis Grant 11:55
Jeanine Ikekhua 11:57

get on radio defiant.
Alexis Grant 11:59
Oh. No, but like, I know, for me, what you said like, when I think about my future, I don't think about my husband. I don't even think about kids. I think about me adopting, think about the lifestyle I want. You want to adopt?
Hamsata Mazou 12:19

What about you? I honestly have even thought that far. So that's okay. You don't have to live you don't you don't have a nice luxury place. My suits. Power woman literally are like cute outfits. Like that's really all I'm thinking like, be just going to work and doing it. I don't mind an office stuff. Like I'm gonna have an office job, go do my little thing. I'm a little bunc of my friends. I'm thinking like, maybe like late 20s, early 20s. Depending how fast I get to that point. I think as far as I ever thought about my life, past that point, I guess that's probably like, so like, marriage and kids will come into the picture. So
Alexis Grant 12:56
you think having kids like more in the 30s than
Jeanine Ikekhua 13:00

2829 3031? Partners?
Alexis Grant 13:03
I want them all earlier. How early? If I can find? I don't. Okay, here's the thing when I think about my future, and I think about like my career, my lifestyle, everything like that. Even thoug I don't think of a husband. I do want a husband five kids, or hedge. So I would say honestly, like mid 20s.
Just 25 26 like 24 20
Hamsata Mazou 13:28
Oh, yeah, well, yeah, that is mid.
Alexis Grant 13:31
I do want to like, be married. I have a couple years for myself. And my parents did that. Oh, no, me too. Yeah, I
Hamsata Mazou 13:37

definitely like I feel like I do like the idea of like marriage and just like enjoying eac other's company before. But
Alexis Grant 13:42

if I do that, then I gotta get married like 22 whic is like young, but I'm okay wit being married. Like younger. Really? I never knew that. Yeah, it's just more of like, there's certain things I want to get done first. Once those things are done, I don't care like I'm ready to marry younger.
Jeanine Ikekhua 13:59

What do you want to get done? Like before? Like,
Alexis Grant 14:02
I want to go travel a little and be single. I want to have those little international little experience. Yeah,
what about your home so
Hamsata Mazou 14:12

I'm definitely establishing my career first needs definitely enjoying life like by myself, like Lexi said, like being single and stuff. I just feel like Yeah, really? enjoying the fruits of my labor? Yeah. Before including someone else into the picture. Because it was like, What was all that work for? If I can even like have it to myself first
Alexis Grant 14:31
statement, you know, as a nice thing.
Hamsata Mazou 14:33

I feel like if I'm the one doing this work for me, you know, let me like enjoy it. And then and be ready to share.
Alexis Grant 14:41
This is random, but are y'all gonna take his last name?
Jeanine Ikekhua 14:44

I'm hyphenating Yeah, hyphenating Y'all not have a power struggle? Yeah. Some happening. I was talking to someone the other day I'm like, why would I drop my first of all my career is going to start before you ever walk in the door. Yeah, so that your name is gonna be on that? Yeah, exactly. It's gonna say Janine ek Quan everything you think I'm a marry all of a sudden Janine you get whether it be that I've said on all my, like, work documents and stuff. It's gonna have just my like originally for him. And then if I want to learn, right Yes, I'll go to court and hyphenated No,
Alexis Grant 15:20

because like a week, so it sounds like y'all would like career first to solidify in the future. Sure. Yeah, for sure. That's top priority. For me. I don't know travel might be over career.
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:32

But I feel like we're gonna give you the money to travel. You could
Alexis Grant 15:35

I don't know a lot of weight. Yeah, like backpacking people, for example, like, Oh, I'll work somewhere for like five months and just use that money just travel straight.
Hamsata Mazou 15:44

And that was just travel wit no do after I saw a tick tock do it again until I'm done traveling. Yeah. So this tick tock this journey looking at this crazy guys. That was crazy. She just has just enoug money. Yeah, travel there. Yeah.
Jeanine Ikekhua 15:57
No, it should
Hamsata Mazou 15:58

go to the land should talk to the people hostels to like help them or whatever. Yeah.
Alexis Grant 16:05

No, no, like, there's this. There's these, there's these websites where you can work in exchange for free stay. And that's exactly what it's like, you'll work like two, three days a week and the rest of time you have off you get free stay free food.
Jeanine Ikekhua 16:17

See, I'm so lazy. I'll just work work work. Then have like a mont of vacation. And nobody just I feel
Hamsata Mazou 16:23

like how it depends how you want to vacation. Like if you want to experience a really because I want
Alexis Grant 16:26
to be immersed and so I'm okay wit working to be immersed in these cultures there. Yeah. Like if, if I'm doing this, I'm staying like two months minimum? Probably like six. Yeah, like six Max. Oh, that's the girl. So six months? Yeah. Like I really want to like I want to different places. Yeah. Like I want to live in different places. And ideally, at some point, like I could find my partner so they could do that wit me, because I'm thinking about it. Timeline wise. I don't know how I'm gonna have kids mid 20s When I want to travel for a few years, and have a few years to him by myself. Like the timeline. Don't add
Jeanine Ikekhua 16:59

up. You graduated at 2122 22. And then
Alexis Grant 17:05
you're gonna be 21 Bless you. Bless you. Sorry, y'all
Jeanine Ikekhua 17:09

want to get married? 2420.
Alexis Grant 17:12
Yeah, you see how the timeline scary? A bit.
Jeanine Ikekhua 17:18

It's chance God gonna do it.
Alexis Grant 17:20
And God, don't do it. Let's talk about it. Okay, how do you actively work wit living wit regrets?
Now I want to cry.
Alexis Grant 17:34

Do you want to go first? No. Okay, I could go first. So like, for me, my biggest thing, I don't want to regret anything in my future. Like, my biggest thing. So I just sometimes I will not rework a situation. But if a situation happens, I will work to the nail to find the lesson out of it. And stick to that lesson just so that it wasn't just something that happened to me or something that just happened in my life. That's good. Yeah. Like I had an experience like, February, that like for like two days, I regretted and I was going crazy, because I just don't do things I regret, like at all. So I was just going like insane. But I was finally able to find a lesson out of it. And I stuck to it. So now I'm good. What about you?
Hamsata Mazou 18:19
regrets? I think I've been fearful of regrets since a young age because I had a project in the fift grade. And we had to like pick a quote to like put on American that we had to like construct besides the point. The quote was by Karen lamb, and it was like a year from now you may have wis you started today. But I tell you that I got back. I gotta back it up, I get up. And like intentional person I tried to be at least so I remember me working on that project. I remember I was looking quote after quote after quote. And that was the quote, I decided to pick fift grade me. That was a quote. And I feel like I look back at that quote, and I, to me that just says regret, like, don't do things. You feel like you regret and stuff. And I feel like I usually don't regret the things I've been doing that I look back at things public in the present. How do I feel about something right now? Do I want to do it? Do I not? And because of how I felt about it in my moment. It's just like, there's no point of regretting it. Because it's like, how do I feel in that moment? In that moment? I could not have seen the future circumstances that came up upon it. Because I didn't know there was no way to change it. Yeah. So I feel like there's no way to
regret it if you didn't know. Yeah, because you had no power and like changing what you felt in that moment. Cuz I do things powerful in the moment. Now that makes the house that makes you look, I mean, obviously I want to get good grades for like a better future or whatever, but like, the steps to reac that. It's just like, how do I feel in the moment if I'm like, too sick to do the assignment? I'm, I'm too sick. It wasn't meant to get done. And I'm like, It's okay. I had to put My body first in that moment, yeah. And I feel like I still will like, get to where I need to go. That's how I think about it.
Jeanine Ikekhua 20:05

No, I think my question is just touching for me because like, there's one thing right now that I actively regret. So it's hitting home. Yeah. And it goes back to like the time thing. Nobody knows this, but like, oh, cup, like, I guess 88 people on Instagram know, that is suc a specific No, no, make sense. I have my own podcast. And like, it started off really, really, first of all, it started like way back in the pandemic, like the first like, couple months of the pandemic. Okay, that podcast has been rebooted, like two times. And it's because every single time I start, and then like, I get so scared, and like I stop. And the funny thing is, like, people ask me, like, what about the podcast? And I'm like, like, do you just not have content? like, Nah, I have six or seven episodes sitting in a file on the cloud somewhere. But I'm just so scared. Like, I just I start, and then I start, like, I need to rework my brain to stop being afraid of what people have to say. Like, I think like, I
Alexis Grant 21:09

don't know if y'all know this. I agree. But I've taken a long time. Less than 88 people know this for me. I used to have a YouTube channel.
Jeanine Ikekhua 21:16

Really? Me too girl.
Hamsata Mazou 21:22

YouTube channels so bad. I wanted. I told all my
Alexis Grant 21:27

videos like I had a YouTube channel. Yeah. And I same thing wit you. I think I repeated it twice. And then all of it's gone. Now. I don't even have the file. So there's no evidence of you have no, there's no evidence of Googlers
Hamsata Mazou 21:43

they're your magic. There's no, no.
Jeanine Ikekhua 21:47

That I'm fine now.
Alexis Grant 21:51

Oh, my gosh. But like, that's something that I have toyed wit revisiting again, like, it would be very different to what I was doing before. Yeah. But just like, I'm at the point where it's not even because like, I want to be a YouTuber is because I do very muc enjoy my life. And I have a horrible memory.
Jeanine Ikekhua 22:09

You're very good at documenting. Yeah, for sure. Like, Let's appreciate sure of every single day. At this point. Yeah,
Alexis Grant 22:16

because I have to, because I have to like that was something because before I wouldn't do it, because I felt like taking pictures, taking videos. It was like ruining moments. But then I realized I couldn't even I couldn't even remember these moments. So now I just got into a habit. Like I am taking photos and videos. And I'm glad I am as you should. Also, I don't have room on my phone. And also I want to share it wit people because like it makes me so happy. Yes. So like
Hamsata Mazou 22:39

make even like a private YouTube channel if you wanted to just like have like your Instagram or something dedicated to it. And just people you know, I feel like if you want to keep it more like,
Alexis Grant 22:48

but it's not about it being private, okay. Like, I would want it to be public because it's like one of those things I enjoy. Like, there's some YouTubers that I know, they only post like once every five months. Yeah, people like and I let that dry up. Because it's like just a collage. Like, like, I enjoy those videos so much. And I feel like I could really do a good job wit those. So I want to put those out for other people to enjoy too. Especially for like kids like black people trying to come to NC State. Yeah, we already know on your social media, that sort of thing. There's a lot of black people there is a lot of black people at stake. There's no one documented and when I was picking colleges, I was looking at Black logs me Balloon Boy shots Balloon Boy if you ever listen to this, I want you to know you're part of the reason I chose this school because it's really that deep like it is
Hamsata Mazou 23:38

but I did want to meet them no part of the reason yeah, a little bit more mains. Yea
sure. Like
Hamsata Mazou 23:45

for people to just be able to see like the experience here. So I will say like, as Alexei I researc the school watching the YouTube videos, like just trying to see like black life specifically. Content creators, there wasn't like a lot of white people on the show. I felt like I couldn't relate to this year. I can't especially because it's PWI like I needed to see how the black endemic has here that I just feel like I couldn't even watc their videos outside of like, maybe what should you bring to school? Yeah, I was
Alexis Grant 24:13

like, academic stuff about
Hamsata Mazou 24:17

structured like, I mean, personal experience things though.
Alexis Grant 24:19
Yeah, I want to know if this is a good fit for me my personality. My same
Hamsata Mazou 24:23
time I gotta be safe. Yeah,
Jeanine Ikekhua 24:25
you can do Snapchat like, that would be a good way
Hamsata Mazou 24:29
for you to install then.
Alexis Grant 24:32
You see how muc I post on my Insta already? Yeah, but it's not the same. Like in my head. I just have to make it in post it. So can I really be like,
Hamsata Mazou 24:38
are you going to do this or contemplating on?
Alexis Grant 24:43
I want to do it? Yeah.
Hamsata Mazou 24:46
Because start there. It doesn't make freshmen Yeah.
Alexis Grant 24:49
There's so muc we already have planned for next year. So yeah, that was definitely something I was like. I know how you feel wit like the like the rebooting. It's like it's so mental like in your head. so hard about it. I think you should do it. Me too. I think we should at the same time you bot you you post your podcasts, I post my video.
Hamsata Mazou 25:08
And I'll be here to support you guys. I mean, I don't I want to be a content creator, but I just don't want to do it.
Jeanine Ikekhua 25:16
Now that makes sense. I think time is very important.
Hamsata Mazou 25:19

I definitely want to do it later. I don't know what I won't even talk about like now my life is more interesting to produce that. I felt I just don't have the time to do it.
Alexis Grant 25:27

Do you guys feel I'm gonna say two statements. Y'all tell me whic one you feel like? It's a
Do you guys feel I'm gonna say two statements. Y'all tell me whic one you feel like? It's a better route. I was scared. We have the iconic fake it till you make it.
Jeanine Ikekhua 25:38

My favorite. I love all
Alexis Grant 25:41
this. Okay, the other one is? Act like you can't afford the bread until they find out you own the bakery.
Jeanine Ikekhua 25:50

I do both. Oh, a bit of time. But I like
Hamsata Mazou 25:56

I do like the second one. I think I live by fait to make it. But also I want to get to the level of the bakery. Yeah, but you can't afford the bread but you actually own the bakery. I feel like that is suc a boss move. It is I love it. I it's it's it's so comforting. It is it really gets to let you know the more like authentic version of people to when you own a bakery. And like, if you're acting like you can't afford bread, it's like how are people
Alexis Grant 26:27
in this metaphor? She deepen this
Jeanine Ikekhua 26:30

saying Oh, no. Go crazy.
Hamsata Mazou 26:35

That to me, it's just like, I want to get to that level. I feel like because I don't have the bakery. I can't really act like I don't have the bread. Like I don't
Alexis Grant 26:43
know how it's not like it's You act like you don't have the bread until you have the big O until you have the
Hamsata Mazou 26:49

bakery. Wait,
Jeanine Ikekhua 26:51

wait. says yeah, that's
Alexis Grant 26:53
like you can't afford the bread until they find out
Jeanine Ikekhua 26:56

until they find out like you secretly happy yeah, you
Hamsata Mazou 26:59

already have the bakery though. So I feel like since I feel like
Alexis Grant 27:02
I don't have the bakery. You got to do fake it till you make it to get the bakery
Hamsata Mazou 27:05

and then
Alexis Grant 27:06
I rivercrest No more. Yeah, you don't I just I feel like I feel like they can be in our time. But yeah, not immediately right now. But I like soon how my money's gonna start coming in. Oh. I feel like once it hits and it starts coming in. That's like when I'm gonna hit that like bakery mentality bags. And it's not it's not tons of money. This is enough. I'm basically I'm trying to establis that mindset of like having multiple income, even thoug my income even thoug my incomes might not all be big or anything right now. Just having that mindset and being able to manage, like, multiple income. I think it's helped me later this mindset. Yeah. And then I can trade them out and promote the ones that are making more money. Yeah, I
Hamsata Mazou 27:53
love that for you. Because I definitely know like, my friend told me this episode, she told me this is stuck wit me. And I made sure I want to like do that as well. She was like most like millionaires or billionaires wit seven income at least seven income streams.
Alexis Grant 28:05
I agree. So like, You're right now you're making on one or two can Are you that's it's riskier game. It is but like, yeah, my plan right now. I think by October I shot for Uber. Now. Yeah, and I'll probably just rock wit for for a while. Because like I'm also in school. Yeah, but that's Oh, wait, so 123 You only weig up to Okay, thank you. Would you add Janine? Are you want to keep you got the baker? You don't want to tell us?
Jeanine Ikekhua 28:38

Oh, look, I have the baker. I think I'm just in a different mindset. I think the greatest thing about Park is just like,
Hamsata Mazou 28:46

oh, explain park for those who don't know, park
Jeanine Ikekhua 28:49

park is a scholarship program at NC State because she nice like that.
Alexis Grant 28:53
Okay, because you let them know like that, uh, let them know, just just to remind them,
Jeanine Ikekhua 28:57
okay. But essentially gives you a full ride to NC State. And it's like a pretty cool program. I think it's done amazing things in my life. And like, I'm like, I can speak on like the other like stuff. I said, the finances another time, but I want to focus on the finances. Like, I want to say No, you're good. I want to say that I was broke. And I was broke. Because now I'm looking at it. I was broke. Like my mom was very, like, she really really did not want to pay for college like she would have, but like I did not want her to do that. I was sorry, to the point where like, I joined JROTC and like, I was like, if I don't have money, I'm definitely going to military like I don't care. But I feel like Park has been so grateful to me that they've given me that money. So now I'm like at a different mindset. And like I see when I talked to some people were not you guys but just like competition before where people be like, I gotta get money, I gotta get money. And I'm just like, in the mindset of like, I'm trying to figure out what to do wit the money. Because like, I've gotten to the point where like, I have savings and I have a checkings and like I was on the phone and I didn't want Mom and I was like I have more money coming in, like, what do I do?
And she's sitting there listening to me like, I don't know what what do you want to do? And I'm like, invest, like, that's what I want to do. And like, I want to invest, but I'm scary. The person that I want to go to is my brother, but he's like a broker and he's legally binded to not like, he can't really help us help. Yeah, cuz he's a broker. And he knows, like, all the stock exchange stuff. And I'm just saying, I like somebody helped me invest, like, I just have this money. And like, I'm trying to do something wit it. I will
Hamsata Mazou 30:28

say there's like, the YouTube stuff or whatever. See, like that could only help you so much.
Jeanine Ikekhua 30:34

That's what I'm saying. Like, I know the basics. Go and get a Red Robin not read what's called Robin Hood. And like, all that stuff. You know, why am I even
Alexis Grant 30:44
gonna lie? I'm very like, to many of natural, funnier. That's for all you listeners out there to
Jeanine Ikekhua 30:50

get your money, but not sure when you're
Alexis Grant 30:53
not funny. Okay, looking far, far into the future? Do you guys have fears about dying? Or the afterlife?
Jeanine Ikekhua 31:05
Don't ask me why I die. Because I think the more I stay in college, the more I'm like, Huh. I've been very close in terms of like, I really feel like school is about to kill me. Okay, but I'm not really scared. I think I'm more scared of living. Interesting, just because, like you like, not like I'm not first of all. Everybody has a purpose in life. And everybody has stuff that God wants them to accomplis if you believe in God. And if you live in the universe, the universe has things that you want to accomplish, but I just feel like like, once you die, like there is no like, that's it. Like, they're not gonna be like, Oh, after you're dead, like, you all listen, that you have to accomplish, like your life is over. And there's nothing more for you to worry about. Like, you're going to be judged based on what you did before all of that, like deat has happened and like it's done. But when you're alive, like you still have all the repercussions. You still have like worries, okay? Like wit deat comes the the peace and like the end of everything. But like, as long as you're alive, you you will continue to worry, you will continue to have things to do.
So I'm way more worried about living like that is not even on my mind if God chooses for that to happen to me, like I guess so. But like, I'm not even worried about that. I'm more worried about staying alive.
Alexis Grant 32:23
I forgot what I was watching what you said remind me of this. But it was basically the same way. You don't fear everything that came before your existence. There's no reason to fear what comes after your existence. Yeah. I agree. Because it's the same. And that was the first time I ever thought about it that way. Like I wouldn't say I'm like super afraid of death. I'm more. I'm more afraid of how I'm gonna die than I am being dead. So why do you think that far? No, I'm like, drowning. Like, I just It's supposedly one of the most painful ways to die like that. Just like
Hamsata Mazou 32:55

not Well, like I drowned. I thought it was about to be over. Oh,
Jeanine Ikekhua 32:59

we shouldn't be lost.
Alexis Grant 33:01
Girl just came out of nowhere. And it's the way she said it
Jeanine Ikekhua 33:04

like, yeah, like plane crashes. plane crashes are like that, because
Hamsata Mazou 33:08

you know, it's coming. The plane cras I think is even worse. Cuz you feel like, like, you have no way to avoid. Yeah, but like me drowning.
Alexis Grant 33:19
In class, plane crash itself doesn't scare me. It's more of like, because here's the thing. It's not. Yes, it's the plane crashing that's killing you. But it's like what's actually killing you? You see what I'm saying? Like, is it because you're set on fire? Because if the plane exploded and a crash, is it It crashed into the sea and you're drowning and you kick out your seatbelt? You see what I'm saying?
Jeanine Ikekhua 33:37

I think my like I always imagined it is like immediate impact would kill me
Alexis Grant 33:42
see that? I wouldn't be afraid because of the impact kills me. I can't feel it.
Hamsata Mazou 33:46

So are you more afraid of like the paling and the pain of the pain
Alexis Grant 33:50
of dying and being conscious that I'm dying?
Jeanine Ikekhua 33:53

No, I don't even want to make no Yeah, because I don't want to say this. But it's kind of like, just a quick disclaimer. What I'm about to say is like very, very morbid. But like, there's like this girl that I recently watched, like, true crime on and she died. Like she was kidnapped and like she was beaten to the point where like, she became unconscious. Yeah, but like, she was still like, it was like, in the face. Yeah. And like her brain had like atrophied because she was in so muc pain. Yeah. And like her like she was like, unable to move. But she was able to feel the pain. Yeah, and like she would lose like pee and like poop on herself. Because like she literally could not move. So she was dealing wit all that pain and like she literally died because the pain got too muc for her body. And like that's like that type of deat is really really scary. Like no, I get what you mean.
Alexis Grant 34:40
Yeah, but a lot of my friends definitely, like had that inclination that they were gonna die early. Like you know, some people have that like inclination like, like they don't even plan past a certain age because they just fully believe like, like they can they stay like they can feel in their soul like they're gonna die early.
Jeanine Ikekhua 34:56
I feel like mine is the opposite. You feel like you're having He, so for example, I got me have this like weird relationship wit like, I'm gonna say I want this, and he's gonna be like, I think not. And I just feel like I've had moments. I'm like, I really can't go on. And I literally feel like God is really sitting there looking at me like, you will think I'm gonna kill you right now. Like,
You must be kidding yourself right now. I just feel like, because I've had moments like that. If I God is very like, persistent of like, I'm not going to take you out. Like, you're gonna stay here
and go throug whatever you are afraid to go through. But no, I definitely like I see that. I've definitely heard a few will be like, I'm pretty sure like my life would come to an end and like their life actually come to an end. It's actually insane.
Alexis Grant 35:41
She was just taking
Jeanine Ikekhua 35:42

Yeah, she seemed.
Alexis Grant 35:46

Okay, we scared I think we gave her new ideas.
Hamsata Mazou 35:48

Give me new perspectives. Yeah. Yeah, she's
Alexis Grant 35:51

trying to take it all in. But like, my
Hamsata Mazou 35:54

response to this would be definitely, yeah, I am afraid of death. I don't really know why, at least to me. It's like the thought process. And I don't want to get into because just like this over. When we it's like a thing that like kind of never ends. I have to like, detac myself from it. And type thing, but it's just like the way I think about the afterlife, just like, I don't know, I guess I just have so many questions about it. And just in the uncertainty of everything. It's just Whoa, what is this going to be like? You know, I remember at some point, I don't know. Like seeing I took a science. A cousin thinks I'm crazy. But there were like these signs of people like saying, o my, I don't know. But have you seen those videos wit people who like been needed that? Yeah, come back. Yeah.
Jeanine Ikekhua 36:44

Like, children be like I saw God I saw Yeah, I saw everything.
Hamsata Mazou 36:47
Like I saw continuous of those but also like signs about like the afterlife and stuff, whic kind of brought me somewhat of a peace credit even May.
Alexis Grant 36:56
I feel like when I was younger, it did. Yes, you're reconnecting wit everybody and stuff like that. But it's less of a physical and visual experience than a lot of people describe it as I definitely see that. Like, it's, it's really it's more of like a calmness and feeling over everything else. So like when I like hear about like, hyper visual, like, I don't think they're lying or anything. It's just like, I don't know, I have a slight disconnect from that concept of like, a heaven
Jeanine Ikekhua 37:30

no, I get it. I think I feel like for me, it's bot like I've heard be like, we're all going because like they say it's in the Bible and I can't remember where but like, you're all gonna have like your own mansion in heaven. Yeah. And like when I think of that, like I some people literally depict like mansions. In my head. I don't actually depict the invention of space and like energy. Yeah, I just think of like, a peaceful place that like, like you have a home. But sometimes like your home can be very disruptive or like a lot of bad stuff can happen to it. I think I'm a mansion not in terms of like a physical place. But managers are very associate wit like being big. I think of like a big ball or like a big energy of like, energy and peace. Yeah, that's what I think of when I think of a man I think
Alexis Grant 38:11
very more like space like energy. Yeah.
Are you gonna solder?
Hamsata Mazou 38:16

I thought of it was like a place. Yeah. Yeah.
Alexis Grant 38:25
Like, damn, What are y'all talking about?
Hamsata Mazou 38:27
I don't know. Like, like you said, like, it was definitely like, definitely, like, descriptive. Yeah, like, you're gonna be super happy. Everything you want is gonna be there. All your favorite
like, you're gonna be super happy. Everything you want is gonna be there. All your favorite foods are gonna be there. It's just about it's gonna be there. Yeah, I don't even think you have I think I heard something about like, you need to have to eat it. You could just imagine it and it's just gonna be that you're just gonna be enjoying. Just be happy. Yeah, and just for you to see you like your loved ones.
Jeanine Ikekhua 38:53

Oh, yes. I mentioned I seen all the people are always wondering like, am I going to see other people's heaven? Or like are we all going to be and I kind of wonder
Alexis Grant 39:01
if it was like, like, I always saw it as one. We talked about, like we're in our own universe. It's kind of like Okay, now we're gonna all be in the same
Jeanine Ikekhua 39:09

but I was also thinking like, every human being on this planet is connected somehow. Yeah, I feel like by genealogy somebody's grandma marry somebody grandson and then somebody grant whatever, marry somebody. So I feel like even if like we were connected by family, like everybody would have to be together because everybody probably knows everybody who knows everybody who knows everybody.
Alexis Grant 39:27
Yeah, yeah, I never thought of like separate separate
Jeanine Ikekhua 39:31

I don't I think like I'm not even worried about I don't think I've thought like that far and like Mr. flagger buttons and all that. I think I've just more focused on like, am I gonna
Alexis Grant 39:43
fear of hell alone will make you want to go to heaven. No, I think that'd be like eternal fire damnation hurdle. You know, my mom and dad. That's what it is. For me. It's the like, non stop for ever. Fire. Just
Hamsata Mazou 40:03
to me, I don't know if this is really a thing or not. I could be wrong, but in my head, I feel like at some point, I feel like once you've like done your time, you
Alexis Grant 40:13
can move up. Yeah,
Jeanine Ikekhua 40:14

I don't. I've heard a turnip because like, I know stories of like, your hand will burn for like eac like 1000 or something you said yes. heard that before.
Alexis Grant 40:22
I just know.
Hamsata Mazou 40:23

Barney. I don't even believe in that. I just thought that something I just thought of, I
Alexis Grant 40:26
don't even I just normally.
Jeanine Ikekhua 40:27

Yeah, I've heard that too. I feel like mine is like the opposite. Like, yes, I'll be burning. But I think what will hurt me the most is like, being deprived of seeing my heavenly Father, like when I definitely had the opportunity to and now like reading right? And I'm like, Janine like you had these many like these many years on earth, to work towards that goal, in the fact that like, now you're going to be deprived for the rest of eternity of seeing your heavenly Father. Imagine being in hell. And they're next door having the time of their life. And you can hear it and you can like see it. would cry burning like I would cry like
Hamsata Mazou 41:09

anything and then
Alexis Grant 41:13
God, see, that's what really shows your dedication and fait and your connection. Yeah, but I just be like I imagined brewing for 100 years, and it just starts all over
Hamsata Mazou 41:24

again, and the fact that it feels longer down there, like what you think is like a minute could have been like two seconds.
Alexis Grant 41:31
Okay. Last little quick little question. Yes, ma'am. You know, share low, okay. Do you feel that at this point in your life, you're on a quest, journey, or adventure? Let me give you a little little blurbs. For them. A quest is a trip to accomplis a task. An adventure is a trip without a destination. And a journey is the trip is more important than the destination?
Jeanine Ikekhua 42:01

I don't know why, but I don't like any combination of both. What do you feel like you're in right now? Like, I feel like I'm like going to the journey. I feel like the journey and also the destination is important. So because like my destination is heaven. And like the journey
Alexis Grant 42:17
awesome. Bharat sighs like, no, yes. I like goals, careers, like what are you working towards? While we're living?
Hamsata Mazou 42:27

Oh, definitely the journey. Yeah,
I think that's the journey. You're on a quest
Jeanine Ikekhua 42:30

question a journey, because I have things I need to accomplish. But then also, like, I want to enjoy the experience.
Alexis Grant 42:36
I mean, yeah, I feel like yeah, I feel like right now. I'm more on a quest mindset. Yeah. Yeah.
Hamsata Mazou 42:44
Your goal? Sure. But like, I'm also taking in that
Jeanine Ikekhua 42:48

journey and like a combination. Yeah, I do agree wit you. Like, yeah,
Alexis Grant 42:52
my mind is on a quest, but I'm living like, a journey. Like, in my mind, like, I'm, I'm not thinking about muc right now. I'm really just thinking about the end goals. But like, I'm definitely doing things that make that like, where I'm prioritizing now.
Jeanine Ikekhua 43:09

I think I'm trying to be like that. I got for like, first semester, it was full, like full crested, like WKNC I didn't use anything like I wrote goals and he's accomplished this and I think now like, I'm taking a step back and be like Janine taking the time to make friends. Like, take more time to go up the steps while
Hamsata Mazou 43:32

we're in the space No.
Jeanine Ikekhua 43:35

No, just take more time to enjoy things like do spontaneous stuff. Go to crafty crab, like
Alexis Grant 43:42
but yeah, I definitely. I want to put a time limit on it where I do want to be just full adventure.
Jeanine Ikekhua 43:48

Oh, no. Yes. Like I wouldn't wait. What's the definition of adventure adventure
Alexis Grant 43:52
is a trip wit no destination. To me as a vacation? No, not to me. Because you. You're planning that as a break to come back. I'm talking full adventure. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know. John pain. It's like you're not working towards anything. It's just about the trip.
Jeanine Ikekhua 44:09

I thought you couldn't tell who's more free flowing. And you could tell who's No, but I thought for me, like that's a vacation because like, I'm gonna plan first of all, we're not gonna tell me what like playing like, we need to go to the yard. I don't do all that. No, I plan like we're gonna go to Bali. Okay, cool. And when we get to Bali, we'll see how soon and then we'll start moving how we went
Alexis Grant 44:27
on a vacation. If it's short, like that, even if it's longer, like my little two months stuff. Like there's stuff I'm gonna have an itinerary really, like, but it's because because it's like, I feel like I need to to get the full experience I want if I'm going full like adventure. It's just all spontaneous. Like I'm not working towards anything. I don't know where I'm going. Like once I don't know where I'm going like, like one way ticket type of be like I take a one way ticket somewhere and just see where life takes me. You gotta have
Hamsata Mazou 44:57

like life is that like, I agree my Hold on, it was like, I feel like that and like journey are kinda like intertwined in my mind. So I'm trying to see like, what is different between Yeah, because like it's like kind of the same thing, kind of like you're taking in things, but it's kind of spontaneous at least like things I do every day. I never know what I'm doing the next day. I'm kind of just hear people talking like, oh, we have this to do today.
Alexis Grant 45:22
But you're still working towards goals, adventure, you're not working towards a goal at all. You're just living. Yeah, that's why I'm saying. Like, that's why I would say maybe journey is more like what you're talking about, like, you take a vacation. Yeah, but you don't have an itinerary. What I'm saying is I take a one way ticket, I don't know when or how I'm coming home. Well, I kind of feel like, that's why I see the difference. Like there's still an end goal, but you're talking about a, like a journey. Like, yeah,
Jeanine Ikekhua 45:49

I'm more focused on the moment. Like in that time.
Alexis Grant 45:53
Nothing adventure. Like, I'm thinking like, I want to start backpacking. I don't know what I don't know where I'm going. I just want to try walking.

Hamsata Mazou 45:58

That was like, you just got up and just started walking, right? Yes.
Alexis Grant 46:01
I pack a bag. And I don't know where I'm going. Next. If
Jeanine Ikekhua 46:04

we didn't care, we just went, I want to I really want to. If my family was rich, I would do it. Oh, it was right. Those are things that I would do. I would not. I guess I could get education.
Alexis Grant 46:20
No, I would tell you education, but like, I definitely would have taken like a two year gap year to just backpack?
Jeanine Ikekhua 46:25

No, yes, I would have lived I would be less stressed. Like I wouldn't enjoy my gosh,
Hamsata Mazou 46:30

I forget who told me this story or perspective. But it was like, Oh, I think it was the librarian. Hannah. Wait, who was wit me that day? I think it was Lee. Remember that story. Whic one? Basically, she goes to she went to a private university wit like a whole bunc of like, really, really like ric people who came from like, famous families and stuff. And like helmets, for example, that brand. Somebody's from that lineage. That's like their Gregor grandfather or something like that. Not too far down the line. So like, they're
Alexis Grant 46:57
literally I'm glad you remember these details. I do. I remember
Hamsata Mazou 47:01
details of things basically that like college to them was just dumb, experiencing it. And I was just like, I just saw just the thing to do. Yeah, they just got to this day. And it just was like a fun thing to figure out what they wanted to do. Because already I'm stressed. I know. I mean, for us, it's stressful because like it's kind of like life if anything. Your life is already set. Like they know after college. Like they already have money set their family's gonna let them know tell
them do this this bird. And they like really good for listening. Or at least they have money set aside like let's say they don't decide to pursue like the family like yeah, there's yeah, there's a safety blanket. So yeah, it's I want that for my having money, too. Yeah,
Jeanine Ikekhua 47:37

I don't want them to know. No, they're not gonna know they're gonna be in the mindset of like, you have to work hard and
Alexis Grant 47:42
like I'm not telling them some people are gonna know we're gonna have money because I'm sorry. Like if I had the money we're going on lots of trips. But I'm not telling them I'm I have money set aside
Jeanine Ikekhua 47:51

100% Like they're gonna have a trust fund but they're not gonna know. Yeah, but I really like I just want my child to have the freedom to do what they want like still be smart. But like for me, I gotta catc on like, I'm not gonna go out because I don't like get good grades, but at the same time know that like, You're not forced in this position if you want to as long as you're smart about it and like you're successful in what you're doing you're trying know that like even if you want to switc over and like take another year to be in college or take like a gap year like you have a lot more freedom like you can like when summer happens you can get an internship if you want to, but also take that time to hang out wit your friends. Yeah, versus like I got into my to get a job I gotta be like this that that that like you have more freedom because you have more money that you don't know about, but you have more freedom.
Alexis Grant 48:37
But that was it guys. That was us talking about the future, and our fears and aspirations.
Jeanine Ikekhua 48:42

And this has been on black on black.
I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black.
Alexis Grant 48:49
Okay. Okay. Follow us on Instagram comm slas shadows out

Hamsata Mazou 48:54
black dot pocket,
Alexis Grant 49:25
Okay, yep, yep. We'll see you next time.