Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast. We help Christian mentoring leaders thrive. Share our podcast with your team. Sign up for our monthly learning lab cohorts for mentoring leaders and come to the National Christian Mentoring Gathering. Help us serve more mentors by giving us a five star rating where you listen to your podcasts.
Speaker 1:Find out more by following us on social media or going to our website at youcanmentor.com. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:What up, mentors and mentoring leaders? Hey. I'm here to talk about the National Christian Mentoring Gathering. I would love to see you and your team join us in Colorado Springs, Colorado, April Sixteenth through the eighteenth. We're gonna be there for three days.
Speaker 2:We're gonna get refreshed and recharged as Christian mentoring leaders. At the gathering, we're gonna connect with God and other mentoring executives, learn best practices. We're gonna build key relationships to collaborate and encourage each other. There's gonna be good food, beautiful surroundings in gorgeous Colorado, meaningful conversations, I promise you and your team will leave inspired, equipped, and ready to pour out. Go to our website, youcanmentor.com, to learn more and to sign up.
Speaker 2:Can't wait to see you in Colorado. You can mentor. Sign up today. Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast. It's your favorite mentoring friend, Zach, and I am here with my friend, mister Brad Griffin.
Speaker 2:Brad, say hi. Hey. It's great to be here. Thanks, Zach. Well well, thanks, Brad.
Speaker 2:It is it is delightful to have you here, my man. So I'm excited to catch up with you and hear all of the fun things that, you guys have going on and here to talk about your book. So Yeah. Why don't you introduce yourself? Tell us about who you are, your family, what you like to do, paint a picture of who is Brad.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Alright. That's great. So, I'm I'm Brad. I live in Pasadena, California in Northeast LA.
Speaker 3:I've been here about twenty years. Before that, I grew up in Central Kentucky, actually. So has some experience in different parts of the country. I have I'm married to a middle school math teacher. So math teachers are mentors too.
Speaker 3:Right? And I'm a long time youth worker. We have three kids. So they are now 22, 19, and 16. So we're we're officially in three different phases with post college college and high school, with our kids, so that's super fun.
Speaker 3:I am on volunteer pastoral team at my church and do some some preaching and other work. I also work a lot with teenagers, so I I love working with middle schoolers, high schoolers in that capacity. And then my day job is with the Fuller Youth Institute, and we're a research and resourcing organization, connected with Fuller Seminary. And our our mission is equipping diverse leaders, parents, mentors, so faithful young people can change our world. So, I'm gonna be talking more about what we do there in our conversation, but I you know, kind of the highlight of that is I just think about young people a lot.
Speaker 3:I think about their journeys and their lives and just am so privileged to get to to research and talk about that with folks. So, yeah, that's me in a nutshell, man.
Speaker 2:Man, so so tell me the biggest difference between Kentucky and California.
Speaker 3:Kentucky is a lot greener.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:At least in our part of California. California is a very diverse landscape. You could fit several Kentuckys in California. So but, you know, especially down here, we're kind of in a desert climate, honestly. We're we're in we're like in a desert by the ocean.
Speaker 3:And so Kentucky is so green and and rolling hills. Kentucky is a lot more humid. It's a lot drier here. So that's those are the big differences. I gotta say, people, you know, there are there are good and beautiful people, everywhere I go in The US, and that's certainly true in Kentucky and California.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Those are some of the biggest differences. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So back in college, you know, I'm a Texas boy. Haven't really gone outside of Texas a ton. And I went on a on a mission trip during spring break to San Francisco. And I'm thinking in my head, you know, California, Los Angeles, like, sunny beaches. It's gonna be 75 degrees.
Speaker 2:And I packed nothing but, like, a bunch of, like, tank tops and a bunch of shorts. And, Brad, I almost froze to death. I was like, what what is this area? And they're like, oh, that's that's Los Angeles that's warm. Not San Francisco.
Speaker 2:It was, like, freezing cold out there, but it was good.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It is cold up there. Yeah. You gotta California is it it's got a lot. It's got a lot.
Speaker 3:I'll tell you what we don't have, though. This is the big difference is sweet tea. Kentucky has a lot more sweet tea than California.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Just oceans oceans of sweet tea. Yeah. For sure. Okay.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna ask you kind of a, different question, but can you paint a picture of yourself as a teenager?
Speaker 3:Yeah. I was, well, depends on which year. Awkwardly, you know, awkwardly trying to figure it out. I one of the things that I that I, you know, think about a lot about me as a teenager is I certainly, I was trying to figure out who I was, but very much in the context of, of where I belong. So I actually grew up on a farm and but I was I grew up on a farm, but in a community where most of my classmates grew up in town, in neighborhoods.
Speaker 3:And so, you know, they would walk to each other's houses and play basketball or, like, go hang out at the country club and swim and whatever, and I didn't do those things. And so I was constantly feeling like an outsider and struggling to figure out where I fit. So that was my biggest struggle in high school. And I and and, actually, one of the, you know, one of the huge factors that ended up bringing me into a real a real relationship with Christ was belonging. I wanted to belong to a group of people, and, there was it it was actually through a a club at my school.
Speaker 3:I mean, it was through the parent church that I really came to faith because I felt like, I felt belonging there and friends who would accept me for who I was. And that was huge for me. I needed that. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Man. I was the same way. I mean, my parents had just divorced. You know, my mom had a hard enough time just kind of taking care of herself and I was, I just felt a lot, you know, and I was a big guy, you know? I'm at the time, I was probably six six, but I was really skinny.
Speaker 2:I was, like, one one sixty five and just kinda gangly and just kinda awkward. And I didn't really fit in with sports. I didn't really fit in with the cool kids. I'd for sure didn't fit in with the girls. And I was just lost, man.
Speaker 2:And I didn't have anyone there speaking identity into me. I didn't have a group of people that I felt like I could go to that I felt like loved me. I mean, I I think the thing that kept me on kinda the from falling off of the edges is too far was definitely my church because it was the only place that I went where, like, I had a youth pastor who knew my name, you know, and, like, knew kinda my story some. And, man, that's why I'm so excited to hear about this book is just, like, if you guys have tuned in to the You Commitural podcast, we talk a ton about IPC, identity, purpose, and community. And whenever I picked up this book, I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:This guy's on the same page as me. Like, we are speaking the same language. So why don't you tell us about this book? Tell us about the title, how it, came to be, all of the good stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm really excited too. So the way we talk about identity, belonging, and purpose.
Speaker 3:So really, yeah, the same thing, but we just kinda switch that belonging and community. Those are interchangeable terms. And our team is we're a research team, and so we really try to understand kind of an interdisciplinary way, what's going on with young people and how adults can more faithfully walk with them. And so we're thinking about parents, you know, guardians, youth leaders, mentors, teachers, anybody who interacts with a teenager. We just want them we want them to be better and more faithful at that work.
Speaker 3:And so this project grew out of, wanting to understand and just listen to teenagers tell their own stories. And so we knew from research that's out there that identity, belonging, and purpose, these these questions of who am I, where do I fit, and and what difference can I make, or how will my life matter? These are what we call the three big questions. And, so we actually have have two books that came out of this project. One is for adults.
Speaker 3:It's called Three Big Questions That Change Every Teenager. And then the other book is for young people, and it's called Three Big Questions That Shape Your Future. And it's a little more of a, like, a devotional book that could be used on your own or with a mentor. We really think it's best used with a mentor, so that's why I'm excited about this conversation. And it's all about exploring each of those questions and exploring how young people come up with or are given false, incomplete, or or toxic answers to those questions.
Speaker 3:You know? We can there are so many bad answers to to those questions. And then also how we can, in our in our mentoring, in our discipleship, in our accompaniment with young people, lead them towards better answers and and Christ centered answers, good news kinds of answers to those questions. Part of the big premise here is every teenager is a walking bundle of questions. If you've ever hung out with with a teenager, you know they got all kinds of questions, and sometimes they're gonna say them out loud.
Speaker 3:Sometimes they're gonna hold them in. But, you know, sometimes we have to draw them out. But we're not always coming to them with with the questions that they're really asking. Sometimes we are giving them answers to questions that they don't care about. And, you know, in really good mentoring, we're listening to their questions, and we're listening for what we call the questions beneath the questions.
Speaker 3:And and that's identity, belonging, and purpose.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's so, so important. And I think one thing that's so fascinating to me, Brad, is these are the questions that I mean, I have worked with a ton of teenagers, and they're all asking these questions, but they haven't developed yet the skill to be able to articulate these important questions. So Mhmm. If you could just kinda share with me just kinda your experience of
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:How how do you start to engage teens with these kinds of such deep, authentic kind of topics. Right? Like, how how do you kinda tiptoe into the water into these just absolutely massive topics. You know?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I that's a really great question because, of course, you know, it's not really fair to sit down with a teenager and say, well, who are you? You know?
Speaker 3:Tell tell me. What's your sense of purpose? Because they're probably gonna I mean, you know, on any given day, like, let's just take identity, for example. And for a young person, I mean, especially a middle schooler, but also a high schooler, you know, to for them to try to articulate who am I, they don't have a clue. And that answer might look different from day to day because that is part of the experience of adolescence.
Speaker 3:It's this sense of I'm trying on different identities. I'm kind of experimenting. I'm trying to figure out who I am. And even in a relationship with adult with an adult, I'm I might be testing out some things to see what kind of reaction I get from you. And so I think our our best way in, you know, if we really wanna wanna wanna listen for and engage these conversations is to, invite them to just be comfortable.
Speaker 3:And and and and what I what I mean there is, whenever an adult is interacting with a teenager, you know, we're crossing a pretty big gap there. And the generation gaps are even bigger these days, you know, than than they used to be. I mean, that's real. And and part of how it's real is there's a bigger trust gap across age groups and across generations. And so if you're one or two generations removed, you know, the first thing that that we have to do is establish this sense of, am I I mean, their their first real question that they're not gonna ask, but that they're wondering is, can I trust you?
Speaker 3:Can I trust you? And so I think to establish that trust, we've gotta show that we're interested in a real conversation, not just a conversation with an agenda. And so it's it's it's questions that help us get into, you know, what's going on in your life right now. Right? What's your week what's your week been like?
Speaker 3:I think we can't expect very deep conversations with young people, until we can establish we're curious about them. We're asking curious questions. What are you into these days? Oh, Fortnite. Tell me more about that.
Speaker 3:I don't I don't really I don't really understand Fortnite, but help me understand. You'd like, what's that like? What what do you what do you do when you game with your friends? I think withholding judgment and showing that we care. And then here's the really important thing.
Speaker 3:The most important part is probably not that conversation, but the next conversation. When you engage that kid again, however many days later or the next week or whatever it is, that you remember and that you follow-up. And so we come back and we follow-up. You know? Hey.
Speaker 3:You mentioned you were gonna try out for that play. What happened? You know? How'd it go? Or, you had that big game coming up.
Speaker 3:What was, you know, what was it like? And that we're, we're engaging them in ways that show that we're listening, that we're curious, and that they can trust us because we remember, and and care enough to remember who they are. By the way, you know, this doesn't require having a really good memory. Like, I think we can use some cheat sheets here. We could take notes.
Speaker 3:It's a really good idea to sit down and and write or, you know, if you use your, like, phone notes app, just type up a few notes for yourself from that conversation so that the next time you remember going into it, oh, yeah. Here's what was going on. You know? Here's what they were worried about or wondered about or excited about. And those touch points, they just keep building trust.
Speaker 3:And that's, like, the baseline before then we get to those deeper questions that that are underneath. So there was a little bit of a long answer, but I think we've gotta we've gotta work our way there, you know, would be the short answer. And
Speaker 2:one of my favorite quotes in the book was that the Lord has created us to be a community with God and with others through Jesus, and that that with. Right? And so Yeah. So so often, how kids experience Jesus is when they experience you. And I don't know too many things, Brad, that makes others experience Jesus than care.
Speaker 2:I mean, what Jesus did when he was on earth is he went to those who didn't have who didn't belong. He went to those who yeah. People might have had an identity, but it probably wasn't a very positive one. Right? Who possibly didn't have a purpose.
Speaker 2:And Jesus went to them, and he showed them that he cared. And it's exactly like what you said. He didn't have an agenda. He focused on them in their heart, not what he like, he didn't have a one, two, three. He was curious.
Speaker 2:He cared. He didn't have judgment, and he remembered and called out the things that were important to them. And in a world today where there's so many kids out there who they might not have too many people who care enough to ask them about, hey. I remember that you just went out for the soccer team or you just, you know, you enjoy playing Fortnite. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Like, that might not seem like a big deal because it's just a video game, but it's so much more than a video game. It's what they care about. Yeah. And so Yeah.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. Man, I just love that bread. So good, man.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I it it's been said that being heard and seen, and that's so close to being loved that for most people, it's the same thing. Yeah. And I think that's so true. Like, when we really see a young person, we really hear them.
Speaker 3:We're loving them.
Speaker 2:And I think especially today, Brad, we're like, I don't know about you, but I've never been more busy. Like, I like, and I kinda feel like everyone's just really busy. You know? We've got jobs and we've got families. We got friends.
Speaker 2:We got commitments. We got our cell phones. We got the podcast and the new books and and just, like, what a great opportunity to show love by stopping and say, no. No. No.
Speaker 2:I don't care about any of that stuff right now. I care about you. Yeah. Yeah. And let's talk about you.
Speaker 2:And I'm gonna put down my phone. I'm gonna make eye contact, and I'm gonna take notes. Why? Because I care about you, and I'm gonna I'm gonna ask you about it. Like, kids don't care what you know till they know that you care.
Speaker 2:And, man, you're speaking my language. That's all I'm trying to say. It's good. I love it. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Man, so, like, I so here's kind of something that I have a hard time with. Right? Like, you kinda wanna tow this line of, like, hey. We're here to create a safe environment. We're here to show you that we love you.
Speaker 2:We're all about identity and purpose. But at the same time, like, you do want them to meet their to fulfill their potential. You want them to become all that God has. But I feel this kind of thing, Brad, where it's like, I feel like if I push too hard, then they'll feel like I'm that, like, I expect something out of them. Right?
Speaker 2:Like, I don't wanna put a, like, I don't wanna put a bunch of pressure on my kiddo and make them feel like they have to get these, get these certain things right in order to spend time with me. So fix them. Right? Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Fix is a really important word. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 3:And so coming without a huge agenda is really huge here. So being a teenager, it it's been said that there's the experience of being an adolescent is often, like, you feel like you're on a stage, and all everybody's looking at you. There's sort of this flip you know, switch that flips from childhood into adolescence. And this it's not just awareness of the other. It's like people are looking at you, and they're watching you.
Speaker 3:And the the thing that we heard in our interviews with teenagers over and over for this project is that it feels like people are watching me, and they have all these expectations. And so there's all these expectations of me from these people and these people and these people. And that's not just adults. It includes friends. You know?
Speaker 3:These different friend groups that I have to jump around between. They have all these different expectations, and then all the adults in my life have all these expectations. And so to be and it I mean, I think the best kind of mentor, the safest kind of space is the person who can come and lower the heat on the expectations and to to create the kind of space where, you can be who you need to be today. You know? You can be in this conversation.
Speaker 3:What's it like to be you this week? You know? How how how is that going? Like, what's on your heart this week? What what is it that you you know, you don't have to perform in this conversation is sort of what we're communicating.
Speaker 3:Because the other piece, part of that expectation and pressure comes from their digital lives. And in social media, they're constantly having to present themselves in certain ways, and, and that creates a whole other layer of pressure. And so to be in an environment where where they can know and we can just keep affirming, you don't have to be this, you know, curated version of yourself. You can be the raw version of you in this conversation. You also don't have to be like anybody else.
Speaker 3:You know? You don't have anybody else's gifts or talents or story. God made you uniquely to be who you are, and and you're figuring that out, and that's alright. That's okay. And you might feel different about who that is tomorrow.
Speaker 3:You're always going to belong here. You know, you're, you're always going to be, you're always going to be okay right here. You know, that it's just okay to be you. So I I think that's just important for us to keep in mind that they may be coming into these conversations just feeling a lot of pressure from everywhere. This is so interesting, Zach, in our research.
Speaker 3:One of the things that really stood out when we talk to teenagers about belong or when we listened to teenagers talk about belonging, we asked about where they feel like they can be themselves the most. And, identity and belonging are so closely tied, so closely tied. And and one of the biggest themes that we heard was when I feel safe to be me, I feel like I belong. And when I when I don't have to be fake, when I don't feel like I'm being judged, when I can say something and it doesn't have to be funny, you know, when I can just essentially not be performing. And so if we can be the kind of relationship that safe space where they don't have to perform, man, that is everything.
Speaker 3:That is everything.
Speaker 2:I have found as a mentor, sometimes I'm so self conscious. I'm so just like, I don't know if I should I don't know if I should say that, but I think as I grow older and as I just grow more bold or more self confident or more just, hey. I'm old and I don't care what anyone thinks, is just, like, being able to say that to a kid. Like like, hey. Hey.
Speaker 2:I just want you to know that I love you for you, not for who you think I want you to be. Or, hey. Just it's awesome to see you. I just want you to know that you can be whoever you wanna be, and I'm still here for you. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, I just feel like us, like, saying those words, like, yeah, it might be kinda weird. Yeah. You might could your kid might be like, okay. But, like, I just feel like us as mentors to be able to say those things regardless of how they respond and just have faith that, like, you're speaking those God, like, ordained kinda truths of, I, I love you for you. Period.
Speaker 2:End of story. It doesn't matter what kind of grades you make. It doesn't matter how you do in sports. It doesn't matter how you look, it doesn't matter what you do. You are loved because you are full of worth and value, and I'm here for you.
Speaker 2:I mean, that is such a not just a life transforming message if a kid can grasp that, but a generational change message. Yeah. And so Yeah. It's such a big deal.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And I think we can only be that when we are in that conversation, also communicating, I don't need anything from you. Like, I don't need you, the kid, to affirm me, to validate me. Right? I don't need to be I don't need to you to tell me I'm cool.
Speaker 3:Sometimes the best the best mentors, are those who are kinda socially awkward and don't care. You know? But for all of us to make sure we're getting our needs met somewhere else, that we are not looking to that young person to, you know, to validate us or or make us feel better about ourselves, and we're certainly not looking to them to solve our problems. We can be we can be authentic about things that were that are going on in our life or struggling with. We just need to make sure there's a line there where that young person doesn't feel like they have to care for us in the relationship, because when they do, we're not as safe of a space.
Speaker 3:And they can't let their guard down as much because they feel like, oh, I have to I gotta take care of this person. And let's be real. They have those adults in their lives. I mean, sometimes it's their parents. Sometimes they have a parent who they kinda feel like they have to care for, or they they very literally do have to care for emotionally or physically or all of the above.
Speaker 3:And, especially for those young people to have a another relationship outside the home, you know, where they can just let down. You know, let let it all down. Like, that is invaluable.
Speaker 2:I think one more thing, Brad, that we can do as mentors is, like, yes, for sure, come to the relationship with our cups filled up. And we get that through our own spiritual life. We get that through our own sense of identity, purpose, and, you know, surrounding ourselves with people who, can speak into us and who can kind of encourage us. But it is also just being able to model what we want them to do. So, like, that line of, like, hey.
Speaker 2:We want them to be real and authentic, and we have to first, you know, show them that ourselves. But exactly like what you said, in a way that is responsible, in a way that we're not making them feel like, you know, they have to take care of us and all of that. Yeah. That's a great point. I mean, on on kind of that topic of kinda kids feeling like an outsider.
Speaker 2:Right? Mhmm. Like, how can we as mentors kinda enter into that space and and and provide them whether it's comfort or support or if you could just kinda speak speak to that, I think that that'd be helpful.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You know? And as we talked about earlier, I spent a lot of time feeling like an outsider as a teenager, so I can really identify that with that. And you you you, use that term with before. This is a huge one that we want young people to remember that we can pull into our win mentoring this sense that no matter who's not with you, god is with you.
Speaker 3:Like, you always belong with god that ultimately we're all looking for a safe space, and God is that safe space, that we know that God will never reject us. God will never leave us alone. God will never see us as an outsider. We are always an insider with God. And and that is good news to a young person, and at the same time, God is not here with us in the flesh right now.
Speaker 3:And so we need people to be here with us in the flesh. And so to encourage them, to to find that community, to be part of a community, I mean, you know, this is where when the church is at its best, when youth ministry is at its best, when mentoring is at its best, we're assuring them, you know, when you follow Jesus, you're part of a bigger family. And that family is imperfect, and it may let you down, but you always belong. You always belong. And I think the power of intergenerational community when it's, you know, when it's functioning well, when it's healthy is that, young people can have that sense of home.
Speaker 3:I I really think one of the gifts that we can give young people is a sense of home, a sense of home in God, and a sense of of home with the people of God. And so encouraging them and also reminding them Jesus was that outsider. You know, Jesus never quite fit in anywhere, and he was rejected by his own people, even his own family at one point, and yet he was, he he was centered in his home with with God the father. And that week we know that that Jesus identifies with our pain when we get left out, you know, and when we're really struggling or we feel like I don't even know who my friends are this week, or all my friends betrayed me. Jesus walked through that.
Speaker 3:Jesus walked through that, and so he could be close to us. Psalm 37 says, god is close to the brokenhearted. You know, that is Jesus can can can understand and identify with those deepest experiences of betrayal and of loneliness. And we really are never alone.
Speaker 2:I think that's one thing that I need to consistently remember. Right? Like, in almost every mentoring relationship, whether I want to or not, I always kinda feel this need of, like, okay. This kid might not have anyone else. It's up to me.
Speaker 2:Right? And I have to make sure that I come to every game and I gotta do this, this, this, this, this. And the truth is, like, the ultimate win in faith based mentoring is to get a kid into a church body. And it's exactly why it's exactly for the reasons that you just stated. Right?
Speaker 2:Yes. You might be the best mentor out there. But what if you have to move? What if you get sick? What if you change jobs?
Speaker 2:What if all of a sudden you your mentee just up and disappears? Right? If we can teach them how to engage into the local church, then one, they always have a home. Wherever they go, they can they can go there and find people that care about them. I remember as a kid, I loved going to church.
Speaker 2:Not going to the actual, like, services and things like that. That was super boring. But being in the church building, it was it was so weird, Brad. But as you speak, it's because that was kind of a home base. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right? Like, my home was kinda crazy. But at least at church, I knew if I was gonna be in that home or in that space, I was safe. And then going over to some of my, you know, some of my friends' houses. I was like, man, I love going over to this house because I know it's safe because I know that I'm okay there.
Speaker 2:And so one, like, yes, introducing them to the person person of Jesus Christ. I mean, Jesus is the only person who will never leave you. But also introducing them to church and the people of the church, that's just a great way to surround them with as many people as possible who can speak identity, who can give them a spot to say, hey. I like, this this feels like home. This feels safe.
Speaker 2:So Mhmm. That's a big deal. But Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's a big deal.
Speaker 2:Is, I'm just kinda curious. Like, was there any other cool, like, pieces of, like, pieces of pieces that came out of your interviews that you were like, oh, wow. That's I didn't see that coming. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I well, we haven't talked a lot about purpose yet, and that comes to mind with that question that Yeah. It's great. In particular for older teenagers, so purpose is sometimes, you know, the the last of the three that really kinda kicks in. Right? And it elevates, but especially as we talk to, you know, kids who were, you know, juniors, seniors in high school, and and they're trying to make decisions about their future.
Speaker 3:And we found a lot of anxiety and a lot of that they were getting a lot of mixed messages about that. And one thing that really stood out is well, two things. One, that teenagers find a lot of purpose in helping. That when they have this sense of, oh, I'm helping somebody else. Whether it's helping their friends have a better day, whether it is helping in their family system, whether it is helping at church or, you know, through service or school or whatever that is.
Speaker 3:Like, helping was just this huge theme, which makes a ton of sense. Right? Like, we get we're wired, I think, to, to really feel purposeful when we're helping other people, when we're getting outside of ourselves. So that was one thing. The other thing is that there were a lot of scripts around purpose and future and calling that come from Christian community that are really well meaning, but sometimes amp up the pressure.
Speaker 3:And so I I think in particular for mentor for Christian mentors, sometimes we use this language about, about calling and God's will and God's best for our life. And, you know, I remember one, one girl, she was 17. She was thinking about her future, and she was like, I am so worried that I'm gonna choose the wrong major to study in college, and it's not gonna be God's best for me. It's not gonna be god's will, and then I'm gonna waste these four years. And that you know?
Speaker 3:She she was talking in a way that made it sound like she was afraid she was gonna disappoint god with what she studied in college. And I just I feel so, I feel bad for kids who who you know, we give them this script, and we're really well meaning. I mean, of course, like, we wanna do god's will. Right? But the reality is that this journey of calling, this journey of discovering God's will, it's a for most of us, it unfolds over time.
Speaker 3:For most of it, it it's not for most of us, it's not super clear. For most of us, it's a mix. You know, our purpose is a mix of of work and vocation and and stuff outside of work. I mean, you know, for some people who are listening, you might find more purpose in mentoring than you, you you know, than you do in your regular job, that you get paid for. Like, that's real for a lot of us.
Speaker 3:Right? And so I think to help lower the pressure young people for young people that if your desire is to do god's will, god's gonna honor that. You know? If your desire is to pursue what god has for you out there, god's not gonna leave you hanging. God's not gonna be disappointed.
Speaker 3:If what you wanna do is discover who you were really made to be and and and to live that out on behalf, you know, of the good of the world. If your desire is to go out and love God and love people, like, God's not gonna steer you wrong. You're you're you're you're not you're not gonna get too far off course there. And so I think we can really do a lot of good with young people we're mentoring if we can help lower the pressure on some of that when it comes to purpose. And that, I think, was something that I didn't really expect that going into these conversations that I I I walked away thinking, oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:We gotta we gotta get better at some of our language.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And I can remember whenever I was getting serious about my faith, I had a guy who just said, hey, Zach, man. Like, the lord's will for your life is not some inch inch wide line that you're gonna fall off and miss it. Like, God's will for your life is so broad that you can fall down and still and still hit it. And that really kinda transformed my life.
Speaker 2:Like, I Yeah. I think about that where I mean, that word happened fifteen years ago, and I still think about it because there's times in there's times in my day I'm like, I don't know if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't know if this is God's call or just something. And I was like, no. No.
Speaker 2:No. I'm gonna take a breath. No. God's will for your life is is is something that you're not gonna miss. And I think what a great opportunity we have as mentors to just, hey.
Speaker 2:Let's take a deep breath. Let's chill out. Like, God works outside of time. Like, God's not, like, checking his watch and be like, hey. You should be over here by now, and you're not.
Speaker 2:Like, and just and just talk to our mentees about patience and about, like, hey. Just one day at a time, like, God's faithful. And he who calls us is faithful. And so Mhmm. Man, just it's such a great reminder.
Speaker 2:But yeah. So just, like, how would you go about, like, if a teenager comes to you and you say, hey. Like, I wanna figure out my purpose. Then, like, how like, what are some of the things that you would say to them to try to get them, trying to think about that in in a way that's helping?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. I I mean, I'd probably start with some of that, you know, that we just talked about just around loving god and loving others is our first call as people who follow Christ and who, when it comes to our purpose in the world. And then beyond that, I think there's some helpful wisdom out there. I Howard Thurman, there's this beautiful quote, don't ask yourself what the world needs.
Speaker 3:Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who've come alive. And so I love asking young people, what? Just what gets you excited? You know?
Speaker 3:What gets you energized? When do you come alive? And and what do you notice about that? You know? Like, what is there from that that could help you think about your purpose and and and your future?
Speaker 3:You know, what is it that really that you just get pumped up about, especially when it you know, it's something that maybe other people don't. You know, that that's something to lean into. It's something to lean into as you kinda understand your gifts and your talents. And it's also really important to understand what you're not good at. You know, just because, you know, you have a parent who's really good at math or at business or at whatever.
Speaker 3:You know, you may not have those same skills just because your best friend is a really good writer, you know, or they're really good with little kids. I mean, I I have three kids. They're all really different. You know? And I have one who just absolutely loves and gets fired up working with younger kids.
Speaker 3:And, you know, leaning into that and and having opportunities to to serve younger kids and to invest in them. I have another kid who that does not get them excited at all. And they'll they'll do it if they have to, but it's not something that gets them excited. And, you know, we we don't need to judge that at all, like, just listening to that. Like, hey.
Speaker 3:Listen to what listen to what gets you excited, and and roll with that. Roll with that. I there's a young man in our church who he, he started helping out with a with a summer program that was, like, running this day camp because somebody had, you know, asked him to help out. And and out of that, he realized he just was so energized by working with kids. You know, he ended up going to college and being an elementary education major because he got this sense of, oh, it's I just it's really fun to work with kids, and I get energized by these little kids.
Speaker 3:And he sort of realized, oh, that's not everybody. You know? That's not everybody, but that is something that makes me come alive.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Kinda sounds like my story. So It's great. Great, Brad. Hey.
Speaker 2:Well, tell me how people can find out more about you and your books, and, tell us again where they can pick up a copy if they'd like to and all of that good stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Absolutely. So 3bigquestionsbook.com will take you to everything about the books and about identity, belonging, and purpose. And then fuller youth institute dot org is more about our organization and tons of free resources.
Speaker 2:It's awesome. I'll toss all of that good info in our show notes. But, Brad, thank you so much for hopping on and taking time out of out of, your, your busy schedule to give us some wisdom on mentoring, man. Really appreciate it. For sure.
Speaker 3:Thank you, Zach. My pleasure.
Speaker 2:Of course. Thank you all for tuning in today. If you guys missed out on all of this good stuff, you are man, there's something wrong with you. But that doesn't mean that you well, you can't mentor, but, oh, I'm just gonna end it. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:See you all next time.
Speaker 1:Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Give us that five star rating and share this podcast with your mentoring friends. Learn more at youcanmentor.com. Thank you.