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Conversations With Thomas is a podcast where humor, heart, and a touch of sass collide. Hosted by Thomas Kevin Dolan, each episode explores raw, real topics like self-compassion, healing, and the delightful mess of being human. As the seventh of ten kids, Thomas didn’t always have a voice—now he’s sharing it with you, and trust us, you’ll want to hear this.
Expect vulnerability, laughs, and thought-provoking questions that dive into subjects most people avoid (because, let's face it, some topics just need to be tackled). With a mix of wit and wisdom, Thomas takes you on a journey where you might cry, you might laugh, and you’ll definitely feel a little more connected to yourself and the world.
New episodes drop every 2nd and 4th Monday. Tune in for a dose of honesty, heart, and just the right amount of quirky.
This podcast is recorded in Honolulu, Hawaii. I acknowledge that the land I live on
and work on, known as Kakako, is part of the Ancidad Aina or land of the
Kanakamali, the indigenous people of Hawaii. Aloha, beautiful humans,
and welcome back to Conversations with Thomas. I'm your host, Thomas Kevin Dolan. My
pronouns are he and him. This podcast is a peek into my beautifully messy,
occasionally profound, often hilarious journey where I talk about the things you've
likely thought but never heard anyone actually admit. At least, not with a microphone
on. Sharing this weird, wonderful truth brings me real joy and at times,
ah, a tinge of anxiety. Yet here we are. 31 episodes of truth -telling,
storytelling, and sometimes over -sharing, I'm thrilled you're with me. Today's theme,
Flossom, that beautiful, messy, liberating concept, popularized by an author whose name
is Timber Hawkeye in his book The Opposite of Namaste. My husband reads to me every
day, and yesterday he read the chapter where Timber talks about being Flossum, so I
decided to turn it into this podcast. Flossum is the idea that you can be flawed
and awesome, not in spite of your flaws, but because of them. A concept so freeing,
it should actually come with a warning label, may cause radical self -acceptance. So
let's start here. You're not broken, you're becoming. We're going to dig into what
it means, why it matters, and how embracing your mess just might be your magic.
Hawkeye defines Flossom as owning your imperfections while still recognizing your
worth. He doesn't ask us to bypass the messy, but to actually do this.
Integrate it. Think of it like this. You're a limited edition, just like a
misprinted Pokemon card, valuable because of your quirks, not in spite of them.
So what does it mean to be flossom? It makes making peace with your imperfections,
owning your quirks, and realizing that no one is coming to give you a gold star
for hiding your humanity. Here's the catch. Being flossom doesn't mean giving yourself
a pass to be a jerk. It means owning your stuff and showing up anyways.
Psychologically speaking, self -acceptance is a huge predictor of emotional well -being,
and according to the amazing Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self -compassion research,
people like you and me who embrace their flaws with kindness are less likely to
suffer from depression, anxiety, and shame. Neff calls it common humanity,
the understanding that imperfection is part of the shared human experience. Or as I
like to say, nobody's got their shit together. We've all just found better
containers.
Here's a fun fact. Your brain literally calms down when you respond to yourself with
compassion, instead of criticism. It reduces cortisol and increases oxytocin.
Your brains, you got this hormone. I used to think being seen too emotional,
being seen as too emotional or too soft. Okay, homophobically speaking, too gay was
a liability, especially as a gay man in a world that celebrates polished or toxic
masculinity. But the more I've embraced the full spectrum of me, tears and laughter,
self -doubt and sass, the more peace I found. And let me tell you,
peace is sexier than abs. So how do we begin to be flossing?
Let's do a quick little practice together. No need to light candles or rearrange
your crystals unless you want to. Just take a breath and follow along.
There's three simple steps to this. Step one. Think of one thing you often criticize
yourself for. Here's a few of mine. I talk too much. I cry too easily.
I procrastinate. Or I'm awkward in groups, especially groups that are bigger than
six. For you, just name one. Got it? Step two.
Now gently ask yourself, what's the flossom side of this? What might be good,
honest, or even lovable about it? My four, I talk too much, might mean I'm
passionate and expressive. I cry too easily might mean this heart of mine is wide
open. I procrastinate might be a value reflection before action.
I'm awkward in groups could be I'm sincere, not scripted.
Step three, and perhaps you want to write this one down. "I'm not perfect,
yet I am blank." The key to this, "I'm not perfect,
yet I am blank," is for you to be real, be kind.
Those two things are crucial. I might say, "I'm not perfect,
yet I am real." Or, "I'm not perfect, yet I'm growing.
Oh my fave. I'm not perfect yet. I am fabulously flawed and showing up anyway.
So notice if you feel a shift over that matter, feel that shit. That's you being
flossom.
Let's stress this out a little bit more.
Flossom isn't just a trendy hashtag or a clever mash -up of words.
I think it's a philosophy, one that invites us to stop auditioning for love,
belonging, and approval by actually pretending to be flawless. I lived a shit ton of
my life pretending to be flawless and what it got me was the furthest distance from
authentic Thomas and Also, it actually got me to feel very much alone in my life.
Because of course, as I pretended to be flawless, those around me, although they
never told me, as they would walk away in groups and I'd be left standing there,
I'm sure that they said to each other, "Ugh,
he's such an asshole and he thinks he's flawless."
Because spoiler alert, nobody's buying the act. Not even your dog.
And dogs love everything.
So let's talk about some famously flossom folks. Say that three times.
Famously flossom folks. I thought Leonardo da Vinci,
a genius who left most of his projects as history and covers, leaves most of his
projects unfinished. Seriously, the man had the attention span of a caffeinated
squirrel. Yes, was he brilliant? Abs of friggin' Lutely.
Lucille Ball, known for her slapstick charm and wild expressions, she actually made a
career of messing up and making it beautiful. I remember watching Reels of Bloopers
that actually were part of the magic that Lucille Ball brought to the world.
Fred Rogers, oh Fred Rogers a gentle soul who once said there is no person and the
whole world like you and I like you just the way you are He was quiet awkward
more cardigans
unironically and It was perfect because of it These folks didn't wait until they
were ready. They didn't let the fear being seen in their humanists stop them. That's
blossom. You don't need fixing. I don't need fixing. You need truth.
I need truth.
I spent 20 plus years coaching folks who are done pretending and are ready to be
real. Messy, curious, beautifully human. Let's consider turning your flaws into magic.
I'm going to eat a book and discovery session at thomaskevendolin .com. Let's begin.
Let me center us back on the topic of flossom.
This is so embarrassing to tell you this. I once said the text about my massive
inner growth to my coach. An auto -correct change it to massive inner groin,
flossom in action, folks, and yes, we still laugh about it. Within Sufi mysticism,
there's the idea that the beloved, what some call God or the divine, universe
-nature, whatever it is for you, loves us despite our flaws, but through them.
Loves us not despite our flaws, but through them. Our cracks are not imperfections
to be fixed, but openings through which love can flow. Rumi wrote this,
"Don't get lost in your pain. "Know that one day your pain will become your cure."
So if you're feeling messy, undone, or gloriously human today.
Good.
That's, that's the epicenter. That's the starting point to where the sacred work can
begin. And if you need a fellow traveler for that heart -centered flossing journey, I
know a coach.
Confession time. And this is another bit of crap that is embarrassing,
but I've laughed at it many, many times. I was invited to speak and they build me
as a quote unquote top life coach during my introductory remarks.
I refer to myself as a life couch instead of life coach. Of course I meant to say
coach, but you know what? A life couch might actually be more accurate.
I hold space. people sit with me and Sometimes they just need a good cry into the
cushions. Oh The audience loved it and it was an opportunity for me to be real to
be authentic To lap it myself and also when they think to myself, hmm Sometimes
think the couch description is a little bit more divine than the coach description
So, here's your loving, flawed, and fully human invitation.
For God's sake, be unapologetically, unapologetically you. Let your mess become your
message. Let your cracks be your crown.
And the next time you feel like you have to hide your imperfections to be worthy,
Remember, you don't have to be flawless to be fabulous, you just have to be real.
Thanks for tuning in to episode 31 of Conversations with Thomas. If this episode
gave you a little light or a little laughter, I want to invite you to share with
a friend or even better, share with your inner critic. Keep showing up, keep shining
and keep being beautifully flossing.
These conversations are here to inspire and support, but they're not a replacement
for professional care. If you're navigating through tough mental stuff. And in this
world today, I just listened to a podcast with Ocean Vong, whose new book is The
Emperor of Gladness, said if we in the 21st century aren't sad, there might be
something wrong. So if you're navigating some tough mental stuff, please reach out to
a licensed therapist or healthcare provider. This podcast is created with a lot of
love, lived experience and just enough research to keep things curious. And with the
added tech magic of my wonderful husband Adam Ma, my co -executive producer, it's one
of the ways that conversations with Thomas gets plugged into the world. So until
next time, friend, take a breath, soften your shoulders, and know you're doing better
than you think.