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De Fuckerby's trail leads to an orbital prison ruled by a man who speaks about himself in the third person as "de Raoul" and just shot his own arbitrator for a clerical error. Reeb bluffs his way in as a fake de Fuckerby cousin, Pi Brain massacres maintenance crews between repairs, and the missing Magos is locked in solitary — bait in a trap that snaps shut with knockout gas and two dozen convicts armed with shivs.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: WH40K Wrath & Glory
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Guest
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What is WarHams - Narrative Declaration?
WarHams! The TTRPG live play show set in the grim dark world of Warhammer 40,000. Follow us @NarrativeDeclaration on all social media!
three two one go excellent sexy hey there everybody are all of you ready for another
episode of warhams yo dude it's me funky car of the bunch you know his coconut guns
it's warhams everybody it's gotta be quiet
okay what the fuck is that
i know the first comment's gonna be going why didn't they fucking yell this time
this is bullshit we have subverted your expectations once again
this video has 30
thumbs up
thumbs down all of the
motherfuckers aren't yelling anymore
so like i feel like at random points just like in citizen kane i should just have the
howie scream queued up like the parrot does to wake people up
welcome back everybody to another episode of warhams i'd like to thank you all so much for
coming in and i'd like to introduce to you all the wonderful people that make this show happen
starting off with
pie brain blade by speaker d yes i am speaker d i am one of the two lead writers for the emperor
had a texas speech device i am the voice of vect and the emperor and others and the fate of man
is that of lice and next up we have reed van horn played by erndl and erndl is a lead writer
for the entire texas speech device and i voice act and i voice direct and i do everything else
in that chapter no one respects me and i'm the most famous boy in the world
and i am zorn the bear i am currently playing the sanctioned psycho lawn and also for reference
pie brain is our resident skitari and uh in reed van horn is our inquisitorial agalite in case
you are new to the show want to know what uh archetypes that we're currently playing
and captain zedek our resident rogue trader played by hulky crow yes that's me i am hulky
crow i am an occasional voice actor on if the emperor had a text speech device cave on shrike
and a couple other screamy shoddy boys i'm sure you've heard in the background uh i don't know
we're just sipping on water here tonight boys go zedek's going clean this episode i promise no
and the one trying to destroy us all our resident game master thurston hilleman
so that's it that's all you got just sup sup sup broheim we got a we got we got a
big episode today we're starting we're starting
big plays now if you thought those first 10 episodes were were intense just wait this is
this is where the big plays start happening oh and for female people saying the skulls i should
it has been past episodes it's not going to be this episode you're just going to have to figure
out how voices work this time but with that everybody we have an exciting episode today
one of the things that we also like to kind of preface before we start first off we're going
to get rules wrong and you have to understand that some things have to kind of go certain ways
because this is a show this isn't like a casual sunday game so just subvert some of your
expectations on that but basically uh we kind of do things a little bit different here because we
usually live streams live stream this live and we like to get uh audience participation in this
and one of the things you'll notice are kind of in our fancy overlay if you're watching us live
and not on audio that we have a certain dice which are currently grayed out and the first one that
you can see here which will be popping up our glory die now we don't have any currently we
can donate to basically give us some of these and as they donate to give us some of these glory die
uh the they allow us to basically boost up damage or say for example for like me lauren my strength
is terrible if i need to do a strength check i could spend some of that glory to give me a better
chance in which to uh actually do that ability uh one of the things you'll see at the bottom right
are ruined die now for wrath and glory you start out basically by kind of like the amount of
players that you have so our gat master we're starting out with our gat master and then we're
four of them he uses these to do certain abilities for the enemies keep them alive a little bit
longer because as much as it's like wow this person's really tanky for some reason our
characters are insanely powerful i like i use one spell all the time because it's like it just fixes
all my problems and it is up to thurston to basically balance the odds between all of you
helping us out by using those to basically say you know what you're getting way too much help
from the audience i'm going to destroy you now so that is why those are there additionally you'll
see pretty much at the bottom of the player's turnout with pie brains avatar up there our wrath
die we start out with full and as we uh put these things so you know i do all this manually so if
you see your stuff not instantly show up i gotta actually push an actual button to do all this
there's no super fancy automatic things you just got to give me a minute to get your thing in and
with that wrath die allow us to like say for example
if you roll like roll a bunch of dice that a lot of them didn't succeed those allow us to basically
re-roll those failed dice i've ever played like 8th edition 9th edition uh 40k say for example
you missed a bunch of shots with some of your d6s and you were able to re-roll some of those
that's basically what wrath die allow us to do to make a greater chance of success so with that
thurston hillman i think i've explained a little bit on how we work here what adventure do you
have for us today i have a fun adventure
that's gonna be filled with fun and no bees no pain it's all a good time for me you're on it
much of that said it has to be true um one real quick announcement as well since we've been had
been a few requests about it uh yes our our trip band of adventurers here got some experience uh
lauren has not quite applied that yet but the others have we have a few little little upgrades
around the around the the players mostly in in terms of skills some surprises and some
surprises along the way but just to let everyone out there who's been listening to us so there is
some experience that's gone out so you might see some new things this session done all right so
where do we start today well for today's session well actually as a recap for last session our
our our agents were on board the debt collector trapped in a series of warp storms that seemed
to follow the ship and after a bit of hijinks on board captain zedek's vessel the the group
managed to stop a a cult that had taken root on board the debt collector and was responsible for
creating these warp storms around the ship with that completed the debt collector has managed to
rendezvous with the pc's overlord minister moderatum katja van nord and they have taken a
shuttle over to her vessel the magnum orum victorium to meet with katja to discuss some
things that have gone on particularly
regarding their their last mission and as we start we start with the pc's in the strategium
of the magnum orum victorium on board this elevated pedestal in the center of the bridge
and our camera cuts to like narrow eye slits over all of our players back to the the eye slits of
katja van nord as a roughly three meter gap separates the the party between katja van
nord who stands awkwardly her mecha dendrite-esque hands moving out to her sides as though in
anticipation of what is to come
again really
it is as the primarch wills it
you know you know what happened last time
i just fine and lauren just just huddles up just arms out here here you go
don't forget about the leverage the leverage lawn the leverage yeah yeah the leverage the leverage
and i come in basically and just like this awkward air hug just like
yeah it's like my arms are like just like crackling under like the strain of affection
it's like come on put your heart into it
it's a problem
i believe in you give her that hug i would like it's like i'm pushing to like like hardened resin
with my arms my bones are snapping my beard is like like twingling as i struggle so hard
to just show affection in this grim dark world it's like god and i finally a captain zedek will
you give me that leadership test sure thing it's gonna be a four excellent
what am i going to do i'm going to be a four i'm going to be a four i'm going to be a four
i can't do it zedek yes you can i believe in you the power the power of compassion is in you lord i
know some of us doubt it but i know you can't i i don't know what a check is for me do i assume he
helps me like wait wait wait are you seriously asking what check do you need to make to show
compassion yeah yes what do i need to make do the show compassion give me a fellowship test
i was going to do a psychic mastery
but we can do that i hate you
i got nothing i rolled i have no fellowship at all i rolled a one and a two which means i got
zero the hog has been performed a servitor says
and you you turn to see the servitor who is like scribbling out on an auto quill uh with the like
metal plate scribe gray and then you're like oh my god what's going on with you you're like oh my
god what's going on with you you're like oh my god what's going on with you you're like oh my god
Huey and then to the to the side there's two other
servitors one zero defects and jacob mcworger who are both scribing out the events of this meeting
lord are you quite finished
uh i'm like like clutching myself like everything's wrong
all right who is next let's just get this over with
some asleep
just rape's gonna just go up and give her a hug and while he's doing what's his name
self about him
nah man
nah man
no
nah man
see what's that
dvers
alone
uhh
the hell
dvers
and are you quick talk some more tones stay down then come on and let's go talk with dem with dvers
nah man
The hug, it's a very basic, cordial hug.
He's going to say,
Oh, Adam, how are you doing?
I am fine.
Tap, tap, and then quickly backs off from you.
Next.
He just crossed his arms and going back in the line.
Is that a step up to the plate, Max?
Oh, sorry, do you want to go?
You know what? I'm...
Go.
Get out!
And he pushes you aside.
Yes!
He runs up, skittering on all fours,
the slapping of mechanical claws and feet on the tile,
jumps up and catch a Ben-Noir.
I'm bar attack!
I'm going to try to physically impact our glorious leader.
All right, give me athletics, I suppose.
He said with the most reticence.
I mean, that seems to be what we did last time.
Oh, hey, second verse, same as the first.
And like you see, catch a Ben-Noir, who is clearly readied herself,
like as you were doing the scuttle run towards the camera pants to her,
and she does the like one one leg back sort of hunches down,
ready to receive you.
And there is just this like quick moment of her grabbing you
and then pushing you to the side as you have successfully attempted to tackle her.
She has taken the weight and just gently puts you down.
It's like she's bracing for a golden retriever coming at her.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Except it's a giant, like, metal man.
But she takes it and then puts you down beside her.
You have hogged with honor.
Yes, for the Primarch.
Finally, Captain Zedek.
Captain Zedek will just gingerly walk up to her, give her a nice hug.
Sorry.
Oh, is that a fragrance from Paradise World I smell?
Can I make a scholarship?
Yeah, I'm not saying you're going to do a scholarship on that one.
Yeah, sure.
Sure.
Throw that on there.
Let's see what you get.
There we go.
Oh, there we go.
There's a beautiful.
There's a beautiful complication.
And you know what?
You know what?
I have been sitting on this particular fan submitted complication for a while.
And this one is really, really just appropriate here.
Yeah, she does have this.
This is excellent.
But thanks to one patron, Gentle Ben, we have this one entitled, uh-oh, stinky.
Oh, calm the fuck on.
Ah!
My notes for it include.
You fart.
Ha-ha, funny.
Are you okay there?
That hit me a little hard.
Well, it's about to hit everybody a lot harder.
And like with that, like, so you've come in, Captain Zedek, and asked if Catcher Van Nord has the fragrance from Paradise World.
And then there is this sudden tooting sound from you as the hugs continue.
And then she pushes you back towards the group.
Oh, I never.
It wasn't me.
It was Lauren.
He's just a very ghastly old man.
I'm way back here.
God, the fuck you say?
It's his psychic powers.
God!
Can I roll the decision?
Are you fucking with me?
I'm going to grab a minor collar.
You may give me a deception check, yes?
And you complicate that.
Fuck you, Zedek.
Ahem.
I'm going to use another.
Excellent complication, which is perfectly timed here, entitled Damn It, Not Now by Varric, which is bad Vox timing.
And as you attempt to point blame to Lauren, your Vox crackles.
Sir, this is Lieutenant Ransom.
We've detected a gaseous anomaly from our sensors on your person.
Is everything all right, sir?
Why would you detect that?
Yes.
Everything's okay, Ransom.
As per your request, we are monitoring your vitals in case anything goes wrong with you, sir.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
That'll be all.
That'll be all.
All right, sir.
Captain Zedek will step back to the group.
Well, I'm glad we have finished the mandated hug.
Now, as far as why you are here, it appears you have finished your investigation.
Now, as far as why you are here, it appears you have finished your investigation.
We have concluded our action on the world of Shadyrock.
Ah, yes.
We have, yes.
We concluded it some time ago.
What was that?
We had concluded our action on the world of Shadyrock some time ago.
We have been in transit since then.
Ah, yes.
I assume you were able to assist the researchers on the world?
There was...
a, if you'll
excuse me, a complication
with the assisting of the researchers
planet-side.
Oh? How so?
Well,
when we arrived, we had
determined that there were no...
Well, no one was actively doing research.
In fact, as we determined, the research
base was abandoned.
Abandoned?
It is not like the servants
of the Omnisire or the Administratum
to simply leave their posts.
No, it appears
as though they were driven deeper into
an area of research
deep beneath the
waves, so to speak.
The planet is a dead world.
Oh, yes.
I suppose I forgot about that. Yes, it's not
a dead world anymore.
What do you mean?
The reports
here are very clear that it is a
atmosphere-less, lifeless world.
I assure you,
Ms. Van Noort,
it was oceanic.
There was a continent, there were some
buildings on it, there was temperates
and foggy, and there was an ocean
with, in fact, a
Lumerian Hellsquid
pie? Yes, yes,
some creatures.
Yes.
I
see.
Well,
then you were able to
help them. I will have to have the Administratum
look into this. This is highly unusual,
and the planet must be recategorized
if that is the case.
Yes, and in fact, a very,
very serious
detail has come up.
Namely, in regards to
our rival, so
to speak, Mr. Defuckerby.
Defuckerby.
Ah! Ah! Ah!
The word rival
is a strong intonation,
and per the edicts of the Primarch,
and she pulls out the Codex Familiaris,
per the edicts
of the Codex,
we do not use that word
here. Instead,
we use
friend
with disagreement.
We may have to kill our disagreement friend.
To that
to wit, we
had determined,
madam, that underneath,
in fact, in the ruins that were
being explored, Mr. Defuckerby
did away with the research
teams.
Oh!
You, you, you're saying
that the Honorable
Slayer Burgo Defuckerby, 24th
of his name, was responsible for the
murder of Imperial citizens?
Not just murder.
Conveniently packaged up, ready for delivery, too.
Yes.
I'm afraid he used some form of device
within the Xenos ruins
to make the Xenos devices
do it for him, and he has
since absconded with
Junior Magos, Ro Hector,
and we are attempting to find this man.
More than that.
All of the people
on the planet were zonked
out of their brains. This was
a Lemurian outpost, home to the
most fearsome and loyal of all of the
Omnissiah servants. Many
of their minds were completely riddled
and muddled, in much of
the same way that we saw when we
first brought justice to the
Rattling World, and the Rattlings
were overcome with Defuckerby's
cannibalistic malice.
I hate to say, Miss Van Nod,
but it seems as though Defuckerby
is an asshole.
I may be a heretic, too.
Come up beside Brain Defuckerby.
And I like this thing, every time
I say it, there's like, the camera zooms in
on me.
It's like, just like a close-up.
To that end, madam,
we would, um, there have been
some concerning things regarding
Mr. Defuckerby's conduct.
And I feel as though
it may warrant a bit more
attention, perhaps on my part as an
inquisitorial acolyte, to determine whether
or not he has been subverted
by external means.
Well,
as the Crusade makes its way
further towards the
Ghost Stars,
rest assured that
you have some leeway in this
matter, as we have no immediate
assignments for you.
If you wish to pursue
their burgo, Defuckerby,
you are authorized to do
so. Though
we only have the reports
of his vessel's last known
positions, uh, following
his
apparent arrival at
Shady Rock.
Well, we can
have our resident
engencier upload the relevant information
to your databanks. After all,
we had a great dearth of which
to unload.
Of course,
of course, I, I will...
And she, like, starts adjusting
some of the, the hololithic
displays, sort of these, like, light green
holograms in front of her with these
sort of tentacle-like mechanical
fingers that she
whirs about manipulating
data in the air masterfully.
Ah, yes, here it is.
It appears that
their burgo, Defuckerby,
traveled to the
Mortis Carcerum Terminum,
a slight deviation
from the intended route of the
crusade, though he has
made his way towards that facility.
Why don't you know that's a scary
name, please?
The Mortis Carcerum Terminus is
location, uh, an orbital
station where a detachment
of Adeptus Arbitus watch over
a host of indentured penal workers.
Ah.
Uh.
What is the,
import of this place?
Uh, they perform
rudimentary physical
labor tasks related to
mining in and around
the gas giant that the station
orbits.
I see.
I'm wondering what his purpose for going
there would be.
I don't know, he's gotta do something stupid like make them
all turn into jelly beans, or
have them eat each other's shoes.
I don't know, he's an idiot.
Or recruit a bunch of them for his own nefariousness.
His whole purpose is ...
Let's hypothesize a
bit later. We have a great deal of
information to go over in the meantime.
John raises his hand.
And,
like, a catch if anyone pauses?
Yes.
Buzzing peony Legion.
Oh, for goodness sake.
Uh, indentured penal
workers, the station is
an imperial prison.
It deals with those who have
been
found guilty of a variety of crimes
and placed into servitude for the remainder of their lives to the Emperor.
Oh, I see.
That's horribly depressing.
Well, just don't break the law and you'll be fine.
Huge if true.
Ah, reminds me, Miss Catcher Van Dorn.
I must insist that all records related to Shady Rock
be forwarded immediately to the Forgeworld of Lemuria,
that they might send a task force suited to reclaiming this world
and uncovering whatever foolish nonsense has otherwise impeded it.
I will see what I can do.
However, please beware all data relating to the Shady Rock.
The research outpost is primarily sorted by one Junior Megos Roe Hector.
That's the one that the fucker be kidnapped!
Then it would be in your best interests to find this Junior Megos,
as he would have all of the important information related to that outpost.
We must make sure that...
The fucker be hasn't plunged his brain of his ability to see in color
or, I don't know, juggle, whatever.
Look, I don't know, he's a moron.
He can do anything, it's dangerous.
I'll kill him when I take out my power sword.
Let's go!
And there's like a bunch of armsmen who immediately raise up their rifles.
Brain?
Now's not the time.
He's gonna point at like the closest armsman.
Don't even look at me!
You go to point at the closest armsman.
Which to you is just the closest target.
But instead, you end up pointing at Uncle Mejmej,
who has now reached the top of the stairs and dropped several potatoes onto the ground.
Is this a bad time to talk about supper?
No, no, Mejmej.
No, no, this is never a wrong time to talk about rattling supper.
Okay, I'm gonna start on supper then.
And this rattling sort of like shift, and it's Uncle Mejmej, except of course she just has a mustache,
sort of like just trundles by you with several other rattlings behind,
all of which are in these like immaculate clothes, very similar to Katcha Van Nord's own attire.
And several of the rattlings behind Uncle Mejmej are bringing tables
and what looks to be the assembly kit for a barbecue,
which they start assembling in the Strategium raised area.
Well, at least they didn't get eaten by somebody.
I can imagine our silence is just us just looking at this display going,
what the fuck is going on anymore?
As you can see, the cooks you have brought me have done exemplary work.
I am proud to see that meat place beta is performing at optimal efficiency.
And speaking of meat places and stuff,
say, for example, if we destroy the, uh, the sitius of his name, de fucker me,
um, I believe there would be a, uh, discussion of, uh, points adjustment.
You cannot slay another member of the crusade
that goes against the Codex Familiaris' friendship rules.
If there is a sign of...
Oh, I'm just saying it in affection, you know, just a little, just a little tiffy-toff,
a little, you know, a little compliment.
You will need to bring Slaburgo de fucker me back onto this ship
where he can be tried by his senior officers from other departments of the crusade.
Good.
But, but what if he has, he has displayed a constant ability to mind control people
vast, large distances and quantities.
How can we be sure that he can be taken back for a fair trial?
And what?
If he were to accidentally fall into a pit of molten art, my sword 60 times.
To answer your first question, that sounds like a you problem.
I hate you.
Not the first question, Adam.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lovely dinner being prepared.
And, like, the barbecue has now been assembled,
and they've got, like, a whole pig that they have just stuffed into it.
Where the hell did that come from?
One of the ratlings chews on a potato in response.
They were bringing it up here, Reem.
You saw that they brought that whole assembly through that doorway.
Yes, but where did the, where did the beast come from?
That's, I didn't see them bring that.
I'm sure they have it in storage somewhere.
I'm sure they've acquired things.
I see.
I like to think they were building it like workers in Age of Empires.
Just hit rocks with a hammer, and now it's a full stake.
They're just hitting, like, open air, and suddenly it just rubs on itself.
They're, like, planting seeds into the ground, and they go pick it up.
It's like a whole pig coming out of the soil.
Exactly.
All right, all right.
So with that, Kesha Van Nord sort of dismissively waves you off with her mechadentrites.
Go, go, go.
All right, gentlemen, it appears we have a,
we have some free time.
It's time to pursue our friend with disagreements.
Yes, I look forward to rendering him incapable of harming others.
We can always find him with the four cannons on the broadside.
Yes, it is possible for him to.
What leads do we have, boys?
What leads do we have?
I'm actually working on something myself.
However, I can't reveal much about it just yet.
I'm still putting the finishing touches on some certain things.
In fact,
once we get back to the debt collector,
I'm afraid I will have to retire to my room for the time being
and ensure they are complete.
I see.
You could do that.
What's everyone else going to do?
I have several things to think over in my quarters,
so you're more than welcome to not.
Okay.
Brain, what are you going to do?
Oh, I was planning on,
um, you know,
uh,
some things.
Look, look, Lorne.
I don't tell you my business.
You don't tell me yours,
but if you told me yours,
I guess that would be nice.
I mean, I don't mind telling you mine,
but I feel like I need to be cagey and hostile.
Okay, well, you're going to do that then.
You reach the shuttle leading back to the debt collector.
Girl, I am very angry.
I love Lorne.
It's always good hanging out with you,
but I feel,
I feel as though I must affect an edgy presence to reflect my mood.
I just buckle in like,
oh, okay.
Just Lorne's like, oh.
Lorne is remarkably submissive today.
Greetings.
I am your designated servitor.
I am designated the underscore underscore architect.
I will transport you now back to the debt collector.
Well, get on it.
Take it away.
The launch sequence initiates
and the shuttle moves on its way.
He said that the more underscores in a servitor's name,
the more prestigious they were in life.
Are you sure about that?
How?
Do you have a single fact to back that up?
Absolutely not.
Of course.
Joke injection.
Pre-recorded message begins now.
Shit.
This is Tech Priest Gamu4224
addressing Captain Zedek with the next set of required fixes
to the debt collector.
I shall begin where I left,
and then it crackles.
Wait, why is it cracking?
Come on down to Lodix.
Lodix.
That's where you're going to get the best groks meat.
You're going to get it in the Lodix.
This is the Beef King signing on.
We're going to tell you,
you're going to get your best beef down in the Lodix.
Section 334.
You come, you go and enjoy that barbecue down in the Lodix.
Oh, right.
And then it just like crackles out.
Did I get fucking car salesman from a tribal fucking gang member
in the debt collector?
I didn't think it was possible to record over that
like an old,
old timey recording system.
I didn't think they had the technology for audio intrusions.
I think they just taped over it.
I think we were forgetting that we had to go into the lower decks
and kill all of those people.
That's eventually we have to kill some of them.
If they comply,
we don't have to kill all of them or any of them.
But they have Tater Tart and I was going to teach Tater Tart
about being a machine.
As much of a problem as I have with Tater,
teaching a child to be a machine.
Well, it's fine.
It's cool.
I wound up just fine.
What's your problem?
Just a moment of silence as Zedek just stares kind of concerned at Brain.
I think we should focus on saving him first.
Landing sequence initiated.
As much as I myself love our adorable Tater Tart,
we unfortunately, we must deal with the defuckaby issue.
Probably more pressing.
You would send some of your, you had folks with like a gun,
I think, and they can share that one gun as they hunt down these people
and get more information.
And by the time we get back, they should have a whole slew of info for us.
Or corpses.
That too.
Either one, sometimes corpses have information.
No, they don't.
They can't tell anything.
They'll be dead, Zedek.
If dead men tell no tales held correct.
We wouldn't have servitors.
Enough.
Ah, Captain, you've returned.
Welcome back to the tech collector.
Lieutenant Ransom stands waiting for you.
Yes, thank you for receiving us, Ransom.
Have you any news to share?
Through our monitoring of your conversations,
we are making our way to the mandible point at the edge of the system
where we will translate into the warp.
From there, we will head to the Martis Carcerum terminal.
Wonderful.
Monitor our conversations.
That was also per the captain's request.
To make sure, in case he forgot anything,
he could sound smarter later on by remembering it thanks to these recordings.
Yes, Captain Zedek does often seem smarter than he is.
Suspicious.
It's probably for the best of intentions, I assure you.
Well then, we are going to begin the warp translation as we,
thanks to Captain Ransom, and Captain Ransom himself,
have made it to the mandible point at the edge of the system.
Please return to your quarters or whatever you need to.
And as far as the threat in the lower decks, don't worry.
I have it handled.
And he turns and walks away.
I don't think he has it handled.
Yeah, I mean, he sounded really tired when he said that.
He must be really stressed.
When he said that, did he mean like,
I have it handled, like he was going to do it?
Or was it like,
I have it, like he's already done it?
Or like, I have it handled, like he's being like sarcastic?
What's the handle for?
I slap over it.
And with that, the ship enters the warp.
Really quick, it's going to take, you know,
we'll say an undetermined amount of time,
probably several days, if not weeks of warp travel.
Real quick.
What is everyone doing in that time, starting with Piebrain?
Ah, Piebrain has been, um,
well, he keeps hearing about how Zedek is constantly letting his ship go astray.
And at first he believed it was because Zedek is some kind of lazy incompetent or something.
And he genuinely did believe that.
And he was contemplating the responsibility of keeping him in charge.
But then it came to him in a stroke of genius.
Zedek is...
Zedek is an agent of the Omnissiah.
He was leaving all of these things undone to test him.
It was natural for Piebrain to begin repairing the ship with more gusto.
And if that just so happened to bring him towards the lower decks,
where he could occasionally strangle and interrogate the Promethean Huffer Beef King
or the debugger that came across his way,
then so be it.
It was all part...
of the Motive Force guiding him onwards on his quest.
All right.
What skill check are you wanting to propose for your, uh, lower deck escapades?
I think, uh, since I am mostly focused on repairing the ship and finding out what I can through the story of the ship systems,
I would like to use my new, fantastically recently improved tech skill!
Please, Complicate.
Complicate this.
You have no idea how much I want you to complicate.
I finally have more dice than Reeve!
I'm a real tech priest now.
Please.
Let's roll it and find out what half-complicate seven is.
You got a seven.
Seven.
Seven is a really good number.
You are able to succeed.
Um, you start going through the lower decks,
stalking about,
replicating,
lacing things.
You're, you're, you've, you've heard of these gamus debuggers that are, uh, all about the lower decks,
and you are, you are getting to repairs before they can even touch them,
proving that, that your, your technology is superior.
Except,
I'd like to thank, uh, Jaffa Roshak for this, uh, lovely, lovely, uh, complication entitled Lemurian Make.
Any of the...
items you are attempting to fix, or, in this case, replace, the reason, the, the, one, one thing is constant amongst all of them.
Every time you pull out a damaged system, every time you have to replace something,
that damaged system or item you need to replace has, has a sticker on it.
And that sticker is entitled Made in Lemuria.
Every time you are replacing broken components.
They are Lemurian Made.
Do I get the sense that this was on purpose?
You get the sense that maybe these Lemurian Made, well, no, you wouldn't get the sense that Lemuria makes shoddy equipment,
because that would never go into your consciousness.
I would never even consider the possibility.
No, no, no.
The only, the only explanation for this, um, is that the ship is, and that it's, it's, like,
it's so shoddy that it, it just can't handle fine Lemurian craftsmanship and is wearing it out.
Obviously.
And they're obviously being sabotaged by...
Camus.
I'm going to do one other thing while I'm down here.
Okay.
I'm just going to sporadically throughout the entire weeks that I have,
every day I'm going to find an entire kill team of debuggers and kill them.
Can I make a weapon skill test?
I rolled to kill them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where's that quote in chat?
The GM doesn't let them get away with anything.
Yeah.
Roll a weapon skill test to kill a bunch of people, please.
If I ever fight any Gamu debuggers, you buy anything broken, I assume they're breaking it to make Lemuria look bad.
I assume what you do is you find these defective Lemurian pieces and then you leave them and wait for Gamu debuggers to come fix them.
And then you.
This is a real complication.
Yes.
This is so complicated.
This is one in a row.
It's going to be a good night.
Good.
I'm scared.
We got this.
Okay.
I assume you are just murder.
No, no, no.
Okay.
I'm going to let you murder a bunch of people.
However, what is your ranged weapon that you use when you are not using your power sword?
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
let you murder a bunch of people yeah i am gracious gm what gun are you using i guess uh
the radium pistol okay okay reduce the ammo on your radium pistol by one oh i i gotta kill fast
and bullets too slow you've you've you've used several bullets in murdering people
i've i've uh i've had a hard time of it and the last squad i kill i kill i get the alpha
and so what if i but i'm saying that's the last time you sabotage the murian equipment
there's no response because there's no one in the area after you've murdered these people
um let's let's move on from pie brains a reeb what are you doing with your
your downtime reeb is sitting at the cogitator in his quarters uh he has since heavily locked
the door and ensured that his soundproofed cogitator section of his room is prepared
and he is currently chatting away with an inquisitor on the line who i would i mean you
can voice them if you want to but really i'm just i'm going over fine details of some forged
documents excellent excellent that you know what since since that's a thing
uh you okay with leaving it there for now yeah excellent excellent excellent all right um
captain zedek what are you doing with uh with your downtime so after that social faux pas on the
or victorium and after several incidents of trying to be really cool and falling short after a really
speech captain zedek needed time to reflect on just his state as a captain really sit down and
crack open the book that he wrote and
forgot that he most the contents of which and just re-evaluate how how to be a road trader how to
how to really be a zedekit oh wow i'm really doubting myself as a captain guess i better
read that book i wrote about being a captain hey i never said he wasn't a total egomaniac
you are cringe and fail this is good but in doing so learned how to improve his oratory
and musculatory skills and it's such a
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something we this is something we haven't done before so you are looking to uh to to purchase
something on board your own ship which is totally fine i'll allow it um you're looking to to find
yourself some kind of force field for defensive purposes that's right um so you're looking to get
a refractor so a refractor field is uh got a value of five which is affected by its rarity which is
rare so the difficulty which would be an influence test in order to get this uh would be seven
however you're also a rogue trader so that means anytime you try to acquire goods one of your
special archetype abilities is you get a plus you get two bonus dice on the test
oh bonus dice yeah so what's your influence dog my influence adjusted for mods is six i'm not
mistaken actually you know i made when i first made the game
character i might have threw the two in there already oh so let me it might just be six you
can use glory for this right um you can but you can also spend wealth which is really really useful
because you can essentially after you roll spend wealth to make up if you miss
i can become poorer yeah yeah but you can basically use your wealth to make sure you
get the item he won't because that goes against etiquette that's who knows he wrote the book he
might just erase that chapter look we have we have tons of auto quills in the lower decks they're
just furiously editing the book on the fly it'll it'll be fine you've created this book on etiquette
that's basically in a beta don't don't judge him okay so so what's actually a book really quick
your your fellowship was
fellowship is five oh five so you would have got uh so your your starting influence would
have been four plus okay yeah that makes sense okay yeah so that would be plus the two yeah
gotcha gotcha gotcha cool cool cool so you want to give me that check sure thing let's see what
happens oh nice uh you actually you actually do get two more dice on this because another thing
with rogue traders was you actually start with
two extra influence so that's that's one thing but you also get an extra bonus two bonus dice so
roll me 2d6 more okay yeah that's what i was like where did those two come from did i previously add
in that skill so no no you're good you're good you're good yeah i'll dump through 2d6 on there
2d6 so not quite enough uh so you have a few options here uh you could wrath this and that
would let you re-roll those five dice uh or you can just spend three well-earned dice and you can
get the wealth and guarantee you get the item i mean you can also do the wrath dice now it doesn't
affect you can still use the wealth later i think you know what i think i'll wrap this because i'm
just it's all it's all about vanity i've got to look good but also not die while looking good so
so just roll me 5d6 sure
oh so you get you'll get the three more successes which is what you need
so you you manage to acquire yourself a refractor field wow
that can be incorporated into the metal that's on my jacket so i want i want you to make a hard
choice here though okay so you have to purchase this refractor field um this is this is a personal
force field to defend yourself with from your ship which of the three factions on board the
lower decks are you buying the refractor field from oh the beef kings the debug
ers well or
seeing as the huffers were responsible for us almost getting blown up by macro cannon rounds
and my dislike and outright fear for gamu having an object of something that her faction created
which will probably just insult me or remind me of my own shortcomings later on
i will purchase it from the beef kings as like a
bone but i can appreciate good food i assume that their refractor field is just like a like
embossed plastic button of uncle hejhej's face that you now wear as a little lapel on your outfit
you know i'm totally okay with that beautiful okay perfect so yeah you you managed to go through
the lower decks eventually scrounging enough to uh to purchase this excellent uh what about you lauren
you can pass i'm just chilling in my broom closet that's all i got i'm harry pottering it up
you're just harry pottering it yeah i got nothing for it i mean i mean i was patrolling around
you know doing the bearded baron thing it's like there's crime about there's murder somewhere in
the deck of that your name is for you would find it and then i find like a pile of bodies
they were chopped in twain whatever could have possibly happened to people like this
and then i investigate and find that i have no evidence like every single other
crime scene i've come upon and then i go oh well i'll keep looking and then i go back to
my broom closet with my evidence excellent strategically missing like those blood splatters
on the walls in fact probably as you walk back run into my brain and say yeah yeah it's like
half of it
and like their dying moments scrolled out in blood.
Pie brain did this.
You just walk past and ruin it.
You can't read.
Small brain, small brain did this.
Oh, small brain.
A new villain on a debt collector.
I must find this small brain.
Thank God.
And with those lovely tales out of the way,
our ship.
Oh, yes.
Okay, yes.
I completely forgot
because I thought we were going to do buying later
for some reason.
Could I make a tiny,
witty, witty, witty, witty, witty poiches?
Sure, what do you want to buy?
Okay, I want to go up to Zedek.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Just.
Oh, not so loud, please.
Not so loud.
Zedek will answer the door in his bathroom.
You answer it just as I'm like
starting to pull it off of it.
It's got the tinges, so you see.
Yes.
Good.
Hello, Zedek.
Hi, brain.
What can I, what, what do you want?
I was reading through Zedekit
and I got to the chapter that is
I have all the money in the world.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
And it made me realize
you have all of the money on the ship.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
And I need to use some of it to kill better.
I can't believe we kept that chapter title.
Okay.
How much do you, how, what do you need?
He's so, he's so tired.
He's so out of it.
I need the materials in order to make my power sword
mastercrafted.
And, well, it might be a little bit outside of my budget.
I am willing to donate my wealth to this venture.
I have very many priceless tools.
Treaties on Mechanicus knowledge.
Do you just have one wealth?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
I actually, ah, idiot, I've got two.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Oh, thank God.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
He needs it.
He got it from being paid.
Part of it is like all of like the,
all of the valuables of all of the crewmates I've killed.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
And the other half.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Are all of the boxes of Zetiquette I bought from Zetiquette.
I can tell you here on the debt collector,
we may be morally bankrupt,
but we sure, our coffers are sure as hell full.
I had three wealth, but we're going to run with the narrative.
I had three wealth, but I used it on the gold bars on my noble suit.
How, how much wealth do you need?
How much money do you need?
I was thinking, um, if you could use,
use your know-how to purchase things and I could, uh, supply, um,
the intimidation factor.
Brain, what do you, what on this ship do you need
that will make your power sword mastercrafted?
What?
Do we even have anything to do that?
Yes, but on good authority.
The Promethean Huffers, they are, uh, well,
they seem to not be very social,
but they do tend to live,
near the areas of the ship,
scrapping off of valuable materials,
generally unstable materials,
unstable materials that I, as a Lemurian...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
They're stealing parts of the ship to chase their highs.
They're taking parts of the ship apart to do that.
Well, I don't really want to snitch.
Yes or no?
Maybe.
Look, is it really stealing?
If it's from Gammu?
It's from my ship.
If they're stealing parts of my ship.
This is in your bathrobe, which just makes it all the better.
There's like a scene from Breaking Bad when Jesse's on the toilet
and Walt's kicking him.
Tom said, I could grab a stray bottle that's near the door
to smash it on his girlfriend because now he's mad.
Don't take it personally.
Everyone steals from you.
Look, Brain.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't care if everyone steals from me.
I give that wealth back one way or another.
If they are stealing from the ship,
I will give you some of my money to get what you need
to make sure they stay in line.
I don't care what the other two do, even if they scare me.
But if they're stealing the ship,
we are one pulled wire away from turning into flesh blobs.
Do you understand?
Okay.
I tell you what.
You help me get my hour sword nice and shiny
and I'll stop cracking some heads.
Crack some heads?
Crack some heads, but don't kill too many
because they're still members of the ship.
This is some fucked up reverse psychology.
Like, Guy Brain's like,
now I have permission to murder everyone in low attacks.
He doesn't have permission to kill everybody.
Just a couple of bad levels.
Only a light killing.
Yes, yes, Reem.
Would it be possible for you to, if he is successful,
that he doesn't actually get, you know,
parts of the ship to make his sword mastercraft?
Is that like, I don't know what the hell to do
and just gives it to Gamu to make it better?
I mean, that's, I'm waiting for a complication here.
Trust me.
Oh, you got time.
Oh, boy.
Am I allowed to make another requisition check
for somebody else?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Just remember, if you mess it up,
you're the one who loses the wealth.
Oh, shit, you're right.
I can donate my wealth.
Can I spend my wealth to help make it go better?
I mean, this is the problem.
This is the problem, right?
Like, you're basically trying to power game the system
with Zedek here.
So if Zedek does it,
he's putting his prestige and wealth on the line.
Thank you, Zedek.
You are always there.
He doesn't say anything.
He just throws the sword at me and walks away.
I want it back tomorrow.
It's in your plunger holder.
Thanks a ton, Zedek.
You are a good friend.
Goodbye.
I'm going to have a good time.
I'm going to have a good cry about this exchange later.
All right.
So are you going to make an influence test
to try to upgrade the sword?
I'm going to attempt to do this
before I go and outright betray him
by going to Gamu.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Totally, totally.
That sounds good.
An influence test.
Here we go.
Yep.
Oh, seven successes.
I like that.
You need a ten.
So you get your two extra dice, though.
I will add on the two.
Yeah, I'll roll two more.
Let's go.
You need a six and a one.
Okay, so you get two more.
You've also got,
you could spend a point of wealth.
I will spend a point of wealth.
Because he's been a very good boy
and he's done very well at being on fire.
Now the real question.
You could have also spent a wrath, I think.
See if you got your.
Yeah.
You could re-roll.
He's already used, yeah, one of his two.
He could spend another one, too.
Yeah, you could actually spend a wrath
if you want to re-roll those two.
I'm going to do that instead of your wealth.
Yeah, you know what?
Why not?
Yeah.
Now you have no more wrath and.
Oh, there you go.
Got the success of the one.
There you go.
Cool.
Now you're good.
All right.
Now the question is,
do you actually go to the Promethean Huffers
to get this enhanced?
I'm going to have to.
I'm just going to make sure.
I mean, I'll just.
Very stealthily write down
whoever's slacking off,
whoever's stealing stuff from the ship.
I was waiting for you to go to Gammu
so you can have that like fucking storyline kind of deal.
You go to Gammu, put the sword down.
You see text at the top right.
Pi Brain will remember this.
It's going to be one of those things
where it's going to be.
We're going to reach the end game
and at the very end, we're like,
oh, we're going to we're going to do this.
Pi is going to remember that slight against him
from years ago and just walk up behind me
and run me through is like,
I didn't forget.
And yeah, that's like when like in like Mass Effect,
you know, if you like sabotage the Jettifrage with Rex,
like he's cool with it for like two seconds
and then three minutes later,
he's like, what the hell did you just do?
Jesus Christ, spoilers, jeez.
Spoilers for Mass Effect Andromeda or whatever, I don't know.
Also, by the way, Zedek.
Wow.
Oh, previously on AMC's The Warring Hams.
Yeah, OK, OK, good lord.
All right, Zedek.
So, so you are
so you go to the Promethean Huffers and
you you don't remember
what happened to get the sword upgraded because you were huffing Promethean.
Do I have to huff Promethean?
I mean, to go into their territory, it's kind of required.
Oh, boy.
So something happens.
We might we might revisit this later, but when you exit,
the sword has been enhanced to a master craft quality.
And I can I make a really quick tech check?
I assume I assume you come back to Zedek's quarters
the next day as he is sprawled on his couch.
Yeah, I'm going to make a quick tech check, if that's OK.
Yeah, absolutely.
All right, on Zedek you.
On Zedek.
On Zedek, yeah, on Zedek.
Eleven.
Oh, with an alarm.
Yeah, I come back.
No, I'm not doing on the sword.
I'm doing it so I can create.
I thought of this to be really shitty, but now a life sized
exact replica platinum statue of Zedek
out of the various weapons I've taken
from the dead bodies of the Gamut.
What makes you think those weapons are made of platinum?
Whatever.
I have to climb up an asterisk.
I like OK, can I just point out that Captain Zedek goes to the Promethean Huffers,
huffs some Promethean, doesn't remember what happens, gets this amazing sword,
comes back to his quarters, passes out.
Well, he's passed out.
Pybrain comes in, picks up the sword and replaces it with a statue
made out of guns of Zedek.
And that's what like Zedek wakes up to find after his Promethean.
About thinking, yeah, OK, that's about right.
And then the sign of this Zedek is going to just like panic
and check his financial accounts like, oh, shit, can I buy that?
Where's my where's my credit card?
Where's my liver? Where's my organs?
Also, also, I'm just going to narratively declare that like that statue
will occasionally just open its mouth and spout out dialogue from Zedek.
It's
just random quotes.
It's like a bad it's like it's like a fucking statue from Futurama,
just just spurting out its functions.
And it also shoots fire for some reason.
Yeah, I remember that part.
With 11, with 11 on that tech check,
can it just kind of do whatever the narrative requires?
Yes, yes, that's right.
Are you keeping it in your quarters or are you putting it into your onto the bridge?
I'm not putting that on the bridge.
That's that's a that's a.
Help hazard. That's an ocean violation.
OK, OK, just making sure.
Well, you care about that now.
Yeah, yeah. Well, you know.
Hey, he leveled up.
He's he's he read Zetiket again.
I'm a new man. I'm a new man.
Ding dong.
Captain, we are preparing to translate out of the warp.
If you and your colleagues would please meet on the strategium.
He did say, please.
Absolutely. God, I can't wait to get off the ship.
Yeah.
So we had a little chat with the narrator, and that's when he realized he fucked up.
And so all of you are on on the bridge and there is the sudden like deadening hum as
the Geller Field and the warp engines shut off.
And shortly after the shutters begin to open, revealing the wide open array of space.
And you find yourselves in orbit of an immense gas chute.
giant sort of stained brown and gray orb in the heavens are you sure now is not the time for the
uh-oh stinky complication no instead instead as as the shutters open and the the crew begins to
cheer and then happy birthday to you as from the back comes a group holding a cake
happy birthday captain zedek which they bring out towards you
on another successful warp translation did zedek do you want this do you want this to happen right
now i don't but i have to remember i can't oh no oh my gosh roll me that psychic mastery
it's a bloodthirster onto the bridge
you know
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
and that was the end of our campaign
it's derailed i didn't but i get it
duplicate the the two the two like crumenials holding on to it just look dejected and walk
out with the like splattered cake they'll never know what happened is it ah zedek i'm sorry
or your your cake complicated cake did it's terrible i get in real close to lauren
that's my job don't do that
he's gonna walk in i stole that from chat to help me
i'm just gonna walk in past the two menials that are looking really sad and depressed about the lack of cake i'm going to question why there is cake on the floor i'm going to question why lauren is on the bridge crushing cake
you didn't say it it's all invisible psychic powers
i'll crush a cake for ro heckman we have to go
kick it out
for the boys
captain we have entered the system we are in orbit near the eye of the emperor's ire now
oh boy thank you i'm happy that we've not died yet again although i was hoping to give that cake
to other people but it's okay we'll have another there'll be more there'll be more
well then sir at this point it is up to you to decide how we proceed
well i suppose we should ready a uh our harvest later we're inevitably going to be touching down on that penal colony
yes sir there is a slight complication colony is an orbital but we have detected that the gravity of the gas giant may prove problematic for our vessel
oh i'm sure i've got it
you're right
you're right
you're right
you're right
you're right
I couldn't pilot it when the servitor inevitably suffers a mishap.
It'll be fine, I'm certain.
Yes, what I mean to say is our vessel can't get much closer.
Can we get closer with the harvest lighter, or are we just stuck out here?
The shuttles will work, but the debt collector can't get closer to the gas giant,
or our spine will break.
Look, it's an older vessel and still a proud vessel,
but it isn't built to take that kind of gravidic pressure.
Yes.
I understand.
Is gravidic pressure in a scientific term?
Yes.
That is, you rat.
Sorry, it's some 40K term, like gravicious anomalous temporis or something.
I don't know.
I'll just give you the shit.
I hate you.
That's okay.
We don't need this stupid ship.
We can go inside of the lander.
We do need the ship.
Should we contact the station, sir?
Yes, please try hailing them first before we just kind of dive at them and get blown up.
Uh, who would like, who would you like to speak to the station, sir?
Uh, Captain?
Yes.
If I may, I have a rather cunning ploy that I have been assembling together.
May I hail them?
I trust you.
Yes.
Go ahead.
Very good, Captain.
Thank you.
Ransom, may I have the, uh, may I have the microphone?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
So, uh, I'm just going to let them call up the station.
Uh, I'm going to input the name of, uh, the, on the forged documents that I have created.
Mm-hmm.
I will wait for the call to go through.
There is the, the traditional, like, 56K modem, uh, ringing, Sam.
No, it's the Skype calling sound.
Oh, it's, yeah, the Skype calling sound.
There we go.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Who am I speaking to right now?
This is Senior Arbitrator McLaugher, daughter.
Good evening, or morning.
I can't tell what time it is where you are right now.
My name is Artimeno de Fakerby,
Hive Noble of Necromunda and cousin to Slyburgo de Fakerby,
some number of his name.
Oh.
Greetings, Honored de Fakerby.
Did your cousin send you here?
Yes, whatever.
No, my cousin is,
he is,
apparently, out here, presumably.
I'm currently chasing him right now.
You see, I love my cousin very dearly,
and while our business on Necromunda is very far away from anything
my dear cousin could be in the midst of at the moment,
I caught wind that there's an assassination plot being levied against him.
I need to find him so I can warn him of it,
post-haste, Arbitrator.
So, you know, if you could,
if you put us in the right direction,
that would be most appreciated.
I'm going to do a deception.
Yes, absolutely.
You need a total defeat.
Can I pull my, uh,
can I pull our four glories?
Absolutely.
Go for it.
Totally.
Totally.
Yep, that's a one.
That's bad.
One and a complication.
It did not want to wrath it.
I'm going to do the additional first.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, so that'll give me two extra,
and then I will wrath.
Okay.
Can I wrath again?
No, you can, you can get those, uh,
you didn't, you didn't roll the two other features.
No, no, no.
You roll the, click the re-roll button there.
No, no, no.
No, he did.
He did.
He did.
He did.
Can I re-roll it again?
Uh, no.
You can't re-roll a re-roll.
But you can, you can re-roll the two glory that you, uh, didn't get.
Nice.
I really love it when that happens.
Hey, you know, it's happening.
You're it.
That's four.
I get, I get one extra.
So that leaves me with five.
Five.
Five and a thing.
And a complication.
Gotta love it.
And a complication.
I like it.
I mean, I love it.
It's, it's pretty good.
Um, yeah, yeah.
You know what?
You, you, you put through all of this.
And for a moment, Reeb, there's just this existential moment where you feel as though
the gaze of every god or godlike being in the universe is focused on you as though this
moment is the fulcrum for something important.
And as you deliver this and you manage to, to deliver such Slayer-Burgo fuckery that
there's a pause and you feel just this immense pressure as though every important being is
focused on this moment.
And then the reply comes in.
Um, yes.
Uh, we're, we're, we're, we're able to receive you.
The, the Supreme Judge, uh, will, will, will meet with you on, on the station.
Very good.
Uh, we will be coming aboard in a shuttle because, uh, well, our, our ship had a little
bit of trouble translating in the warp, so spinal column's a little badly damaged.
So, you know, we're going to be, uh, coming aboard.
We're going to be boarding a little harvest lighter, me and some compatriots of mine.
So, uh, you know, be ready for us.
Get some nice, uh, get some nice tea going, why don't you?
And your finest victuals, too.
After all, I am a noble of Necromunda.
You would not turn away a noble with paltry goods, would you?
No, no, sir.
We, we will be ready to receive you, and I will take you personally to the Supreme Judge
once you land.
Uh, this is the Mortis Carcerum, uh, signing out.
Terrific.
Ugh.
God, by the Emperor, I hate doing that voice.
You love it.
I can't wait for you to get, to go like, and prepare to receive us, and then just turn
it off.
Ugh.
Also, you, uh, oh, no, we got two glory.
Sorry.
What the hell?
I hate Necromundan accents.
Ugh.
Well, I must admit, that is a genius ploy.
You must now wear Zedek's clothes.
Why?
Well, Grieve does not look like a noble of Necromunda.
He's far too likable.
Have you been to Necromunda?
No.
Even the most basic of bloody garbage surgeons would look like a noble to them.
Uh, uh, what if they're as dumb as I am?
I have documentation to back it up.
I have spent about the past week or so putting it together with my contact, and my, uh, my
esteemed Inquisitor Harlan.
She has been most helpful in putting together this.
Pulled some strings and all that.
Check it out.
And then I-
What have you seen?
I reach into my lapel and pull out, like, a pile of documents certifying that I am,
uh, Artiman or Defuckerby, and I have an entire family tree and all this other crap certifying
that I was born on Necromunda.
I was born on Necromunda and all this other shit, which basically is completely fake.
But because the Inquisition backs it, it's gotta be true.
Grieve, I didn't know you were born on Necromunda.
I'm not.
Oh, where were you born?
Gravo.
I've told you this before.
Why would you lie?
Because I'm lying to them, not you, Pops.
Jesus.
Yes.
Then we will destroy them.
The harvest lighter is prepared, sir.
Thank you, Ransom.
Best of luck!
I wanna point out something in chat.
Someone said Reeb has exhausted the galaxy's entire supply of bad luck.
Yeah.
What's the worst that could happen?
Reeb being a Wrathback.
Oh, thank god.
I blew both of them.
Is there anything else any of you want to do before you travel over to the Mortis Carcerum?
Particularly like any skills or anything like that you want to do?
Oh, quickly.
Reeb, did you spend two wrath or one wrath?
I spent one to reroll initially and then one to reroll the extra dice.
Okay, okay.
Now you have one.
Okay, my bad.
Got it.
Nice.
Yeah, I got one.
Yeah.
I'm on the bridge.
Ready to go to the harvest lighter and pursue our trail of fuckabies.
Okay.
Does anyone else have anything they want to do before they depart?
Like, any skills you wanted to make use of at this point, or are you just all getting
in the harvest lighter and making your way?
I think I'm good.
Okay.
Yeah, I got nothing else to check out.
I mean, the fucking tech priest is about as comatose as she's gonna get, so, you know,
just move on.
Absolutely.
And Zedek, you're good to get on the boat.
Get into the fun time boat.
Okay.
You get on the harvest lighter and begin making your way.
Um, Captain Zedek, um, would you give me a piloting check as you did?
Why?
I love this picture.
It's very good.
You like my Photoshop?
Yeah, it's extremely good.
It's really realistic.
You can really see the space station art, like, carefully crafted.
For those of you listening on the podcast, our background image for this is a picture
of the Romulus Starfort model that has been duct taped to the back of, like, a planetary
backdrop, but the gas giant also has something crudely Photoshopped in it.
So, you know, we're good.
We're good.
Some people will have to look really close at it to see it.
It was the first thing I noticed.
I noticed the shitty duct taping afterwards.
Oh, I should point out my, uh, Reeb has, uh, donned a pair of sunglasses.
Perfect.
Perfect disguise.
Yeah.
No one will know.
Okay.
Uh, so you're, you're, you're piloting.
You can definitely, Zedek, feel the grisly stress.
You can also tell, like, for this, for this, you have no servitor pilot.
It's just you.
Right.
Um, and you, you are feeling heavy gravity.
You can also tell the things.
can also tell that there is at least one planetary body uh orbiting this gas giant but if you wanted
to get anything more you really have to scan the area as well i was a quick thing uh someone
go to give hulky a wrath you're already full so i want to take that wrath to give her the reap
reaper now full hey all right
continue on i'm sorry no no you're good you're good so so yeah you're so this is what you notice
um zedek as you're as you're flying and making your way towards this uh this star fort which
is this impressive layered large star fort structure that then seems to have like a a single
uh cylindrical tube that heads down towards a a larger uh circular base like almost like there's
an elevator that leads down uh towards some like squatter portion of the station though you can
tell you'll be docking on this
the upper level man i hope we don't have to go to that structure sometime soon i'm sure we don't
have to take the elevator boys also this gravity sucks anybody else violently ill
i'm good i'm good you just suck
zedek jerks the controls to the left just shakes the ship
oh i'm so hostile i'm sorry
sorry it's a bit of a gravidic flux there lauren are you okay
bouncing around i forgot my seat belt
and as as you are you're making your your way towards the star fort
you you can see the the landing pad with a a void shield and you you have some flashbacks to a
certain moon zedek uh you know you have to land this craft
this time i'll remember to slow down so i don't skid into the hangar
did you say that aloud and everyone in the back here we all just lean over and walk into the
cockpit like why was that zedek i could i mean i could awareness test me if it complicates that
could happen reed's just gonna lower his sunglasses and say don't screw it up mon capitan
zedek shakes the ship again
we all die
reed's all where you go and did this campaign
ah it's it's here it's here to stay you can't stop cool reed
god damn it reed the cooler reed okay um uh yeah so your awareness is enough that you didn't
actually say that aloud but it doesn't change the fact that you didn't say that aloud but it doesn't
change the fact that you now have to land this shuttle and as the harvest is approaching the
station has grown in size and you're you're pulling towards the the upper level you can see
there aren't many other ships docked here uh there's maybe a couple little utility tugboats
and stuff this seems to be very much out of the way in terms of an imperial state
so do you want to give me a piloting check to land but i'll do it again here we go there you go
it's gonna be uh five and a complication yeah all right all right um do it do it doc i can take
it can you crash and die including us i mean i i will say that you you begin to make your way
down towards the station and again you just you just
have this this flash of of remembrance from your previous encounter uh with the void shield and
everything involving that i mean you you are leaning in so much and and i'm just gonna steal
immediately what reed said and probably took from the chat yeah it's in the chat and all of you just
hear this slight tearing of fabric is that it leans in far too much but the shuttle
bitch
sorry and the shuttle has landed oh that's not me that was eddie i saw his eddie whatever yeah
he complicated
we're here let's go let's go adventure i guess
let's go and up my adoring no okay i wait everyone else leaves aaron
don't
uh yeah i i request that you just have like a bag full of sunglasses so whenever you talk to
anybody like hey man what's going on you take one off and you take put another on it's just a habit
you just keep exchanging sunglasses and they're all different i made sure to have the fabricators
on the ship prepare a bunch in advance not for the purposes you were expecting i just expected
these to be broken a lot and and then again you're kind of safe you have like a bag full of sunglasses
on it's like a giant coat so it like covers over the pants it tore the coat it's like gm did it tear
the coat i mean i'm assuming your coat probably has one of those uh those slits down the back as
well so i'm just gonna say it really depends it might just happen at the worst opportunity for
someone to uh that uh that's basically the game master's way of saying go fuck yourself
and we're gonna go with what we just
the back the back hatch opens to reveal a sparse but still populated uh shuttle bay hangar where
you can see several uh servitors are moving around hauling up boxes picking them up putting
them down uh two servitors that are immediately close to the vessel um sort of turn and look at
you and you can see they have the uh the the labels on them uh lord sir railgun dishwasher
and john sterlacky and they are picking up boxes near you and sort of creating what looks to be a
path out of this area uh and as they move sort of this final set of boxes a
a female in carapace armor or a woman in carapace armor advances towards you
along with two others similar armor uh she stands fairly fairly tall um with with a helmet in sort of
the crook of one hand and holding what appears to be a shock baton her armor is adorned with some
purity seals she has what looks to be like the head of an eagle coming out of her right shoulder
beside her are two two others in similar style armor though their helmets are on and they seem
to have these these shotguns
gun-like weapons that they clutch onto as they approach um if any of you have any sort of skills
uh that you think would be appropriate for identifying them please oh identifying the
shotguns identifying like the type of armor and people here i mean that would be a tech check i
would assume correct tech well it seems like you're gonna require the expertise of your local
uh just hit the button
just just like just like rob you're jacking like
as i analyze the material of these arvities versus arvities i've encountered in either
real life or in the lemurian databases yeah you've uh you you recognize them as being like
the standard adeptus arbetes uh equipment they have uh bolter shotguns and heavy carapace armor
uh
and like mclaw the lady she clearly has like a shock mall that's energized and has a pistol
at her hip and she approaches greetings she sort of like raises up her hand uh welcome to the mortis
car soon terminus uh reeb is going to descend down the uh the back panel of the the the craft
with his hands out like richard nixon did with the two-piece signs
hello hello
fucker be at your service or rather you're at mine but anyway
yes pleasure to be here shall we cut to business
yeah you're you're here to meet with the supreme judge i assume
that's correct i believe i was talking with you over the vox
yes that's that's correct i i handle most of the communication and administration for this facility
great
let's not doodly-dorry gentlemen behind me if you will okay rea guy
is going to turn around and lower his sunglasses looking at pie i'm going to
can i roll like anything to do you're like can i intimidate my fellow party members yes yes
please just please just roll with this this is hard enough for me to do as it is i know heilig's
kane is sad actually can i just do a persuasion instead of roll with this role please roll with
instead of an intimidate.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
He's not shooting daggers.
He's got, like, pleading eyes, like, please.
Big old puppy dog rebuys.
I hit the button, and it's taking a bit.
There we go, we got a three.
Three, okay, perfect.
I already just feel sad, embarrassed, and goofed already.
Just like, I hate this, please.
Yeah.
Excellent, excellent.
Well, come this way, and your other companions are?
Ah, yes, I will let my men speak for themselves.
They are of the highest quality,
fresh from the various places that I have picked up in my travels
on my way to find my poor wayward cousin, Slaburgo.
Gentlemen?
Please.
Yes, Captain Zedek Mascotulchi of the Rogue Trader.
The debt collector Rogue Trader at your service.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I assume your vessel is the one on our auspexes.
Yes, it's an older model, but it checks out.
That was nice.
Yes, of course.
I'm not drunk.
And, like, looks over to Lorne.
I'm the help.
Next.
I'm the help.
And a Martian.
Yes, hello, I am Pye Breen.
I hail from Lemuria.
I must say.
Arbitrator, this is a fine station.
This is even better than the last station I was at
where there was nothing wrong.
Can all of you give me an awareness test, please?
No.
Fine.
I think we're being zero.
No, I think we're zero.
So definitely no.
Holy God, Reeb, you do have the worst luck today.
It's the sunglasses.
I can't see shit.
Shit.
Lorne got a one.
Pye Breen, your sensory, like, units and detection methods,
as soon as you mention Lemuria,
there's, like, a slight widening of McLaudotor's eyes
before they go back to normal.
Is there something wrong?
Oh, no, I've just heard very good things about Lemuria.
Like what?
That it is a...
a very potent forge world in service to your Omnissiah.
As you know, if you've heard anything in specific,
I am a Lemurian tech priest.
It is quite important that I know.
I'm going to intimidate.
Sure.
I'm going to spend our two glory on this, if you don't mind.
Yeah, that's okay.
And now you're going to see the other start I improved
as I mystify you all.
With six on my intimidation.
Well, of course, of course.
I've just, I've spoken to some people who have been from Lemuria
and they say it is a lovely, albeit a bit of a dark world.
They say that some of the resorts on the planet
are quite amenable to outsiders.
They might say that.
Tell me, have you spoken with Ro Hector?
Ah.
Ah.
You mean the junior Magos in attendance to your overseer's cousin?
Yes, my friend with difficulties.
Yes, he was up here in the Lex for a time.
Really?
Where is he now?
I'm not quite authorised.
The Supreme Judge can fill you in on the specific details.
You're very much.
I'm sure you have been helpful, Mik-la-da-ta.
Bye.
Thank you.
If you're quite done.
We served the Lex.
If you're quite done, I'd like for us to get a move on
so we can go ahead and meet with this judge.
After all, the sooner I can get to my cousin
or find out where he's going or who's after him in this case,
the better.
That sounds like a whole donkey idea there, Mr. Business.
This is not a good accent to do.
Just stick to the basics, it'll be fine.
It's okay, Bray.
Just tap on the shoulder, it's okay.
We all can do it.
You don't have to be Texan.
Out of all the things you could be, you chose that one.
Yeah, it's like, what did Necromundan sound like?
Well, I know.
Well, I tell you what.
Yes, if you follow me, I'll take you to where the Supreme Judge is,
the higher points of the Lex.
Listen, she sort of waves her hand.
We're just gonna just jam his hands into his pockets
and usher for the others to follow.
You seem very different than your cousin.
Well, that's just the Necromunda way of life.
My cousin wouldn't know lick about that, but we're cousins.
Heck, I even had the local folks on Necromunda
pull up a draft of our family tree,
and then I pull out a hopelessly
complicated web of just, like, chicken scratching and circles,
and I point to two that are kind of close by,
and you see Archmanner de Fuckerby is kind of close to Slyburgo de Fuckerby,
amid, like, a million circles scattered about throughout the whole thing.
Looks more like a weird octopus.
Is it like a conspectus?
You pull it out and then just build it?
Like, just this, like, awful, like, thing that you pull out,
and it, like, folds and folds and folds and folds, until it's, like,
two feet wide, and you're kind of just holding this family tree in front of her.
The de Fuckerby family tree is more like the de Fuckerby family tumbleweed.
Oh, my God.
I see. Are you a Slyker, by chance?
Ah, sadly, that gene was passed up.
Passes over every five, six, seven, and eighth generations.
Somehow randomly occurs in other parts, but, you know.
You know how it is. Genetics? It's all weird.
I don't know.
Well, just as well, then.
I see, I see.
And you said you're the help, sir, and she sort of looks at Lorne.
Yep.
The help.
What talents do you provide?
I stand here and be old, and I'm like an advisor.
Oh, are you a scholar?
I've met some scholars in my time.
Ah, sir. Yeah.
I know a lot about advising.
He's a curt fella, but he is a very wise and very intriguing man.
Courtesy of also from Necromunda, as well.
Very smart guy.
Doesn't talk all that much, but pleasant guy, nonetheless.
Just all around good guy, as I turn and again lower my sunglasses to Lorne, kind of as an apology.
I look back at him, and I lower the glowing of my eyes.
Of my glowing eyes, and look at him, and like, what?
And then you two are having this exchange like McLa-Doter.
Like, you're now moving through the station, and you find yourself going through a series of narrow corridors and halls and some, like, mess rooms and some clear, like, barracks or building areas.
It's a maze of just different areas here.
But McLa-Doter is leading you with the two Arbitas behind.
And she then also pauses and finally is like, Lorne and Reeb, you're having this exchange.
She looks over to Captain and is like, Captain, it's quite nice to have an Imperial vessel in our space.
We rarely get them out here, except for the prison transport vessels.
Mmm.
We thank to be well received by you, Arbitrarian McLa-Doter.
I wish we were here on even better.
Even better circumstances.
But, you know, these things just take us to the strangest places.
And as a road trader, this is far from the strangest I've been.
Better than being in lesser Imperial space, I can tell you that much.
I admit, when I was assigned here, I thought it would be the greatest, highest service to the Emperor to go out into the stars and administer the lex over those who have broken it and ensure order out here.
But I admit.
I've been here a long time, and I sometimes have worried about the Emperor's light reaching a corner this far out.
So it's always good to hear that there are lawful servants of the Emperor, beloved by all, who travel the stars and bring his light to those places.
Absolutely.
Beloved by all.
Certainly.
I'm going to make a note in my journal very quietly.
The Arbitrater might be good for us to have on our side.
Hmm.
Well, if you're tired of these gray halls, I'm certain you'll find greener pastures elsewhere.
We might even be hiring for some much-needed law enforcement in the near future.
But we'll keep that in mind.
We need a new sheriff.
We need literally anybody.
I like how immediately we notice, like, this one isn't crazy.
Get her to fuck on our ship.
We'll turn her into something different.
We could figure out how to abduct her immediately.
We need to replace her leg with a peg leg.
Like, we need something.
No, she's not.
We don't want to destroy this one.
Two seconds on the debt collector.
She's going to be, like, talking to, like, an animatronic pirate and, like, fucking being, like, wearing lederhosen around the, like, fucking place going,
Yorinori! Yorinori!
And that'll just be her identity for the rest of her life.
We destroy everything we touch.
You're normal.
You're not required.
No, no.
You reach the base of a set of austere wooden spiral stairs that start going out of the center of a room to what you can see is some kind of glass-floored office above.
And McCloddoter stops at the base of the steps.
You'll want to ascend up there.
The Supreme Judge is waiting for you.
You coming up with us, or are we just going alone?
The Supreme Judge will see you alone.
He wishes to speak with you.
Very good.
My companions will be coming with, or are they supposed to remain down here as well?
You are all welcome to speak to the Supreme Judge.
He has been expecting you.
Great.
All right.
Let's go and get this done with.
Hopefully this will be a lot faster than that last place we went to.
What the hell was it called?
Shitty Rock or something?
I don't know.
Oh.
Interesting.
And she sort of waves up.
Do you all go up the stairs?
Yeah.
We'll go up.
I'll go up the stairs and follow along.
Yeah.
And as you reach the top, there is a set of austere wooden doors that have this immense aquila with, like, the beaks come out to essentially form the door handles to open.
Mm-hmm.
And you can tell, like, you just have to pull open the door here.
Oh, so it gets a tiny bit closer to your mic there.
Oh, sure.
Sure, sure.
Yeah.
Go along.
Go along.
Yeah.
And you can just, you can, like, pull them open.
Reeb, since you're in front, I assume you're just going to open the door when you get there?
Yeah.
I open it with the most absurd, ostentatious flourish possible, just so I'm, like, standing with my arms wide as I enter into the receiving area.
And as you enter in, before you can, like, as you kind of, like, take that breath, like, do this flourish as you come in, before you get a sense of the room or even, like, make any kind of commentary, there is a loud, booming voice that echoes out.
Oh, good.
Dural, I want to see you now.
Oh.
Can I call a scholar to determine what the fuck I just heard?
How do I interpret?
Absolutely.
Ah, terrific.
This is going to take its time today, huh?
Dural, I want to see you now.
Please sit down.
I sit down, and I cross my legs very un-Reeb-like, and I slouch.
I slouch!
I assume there's only, like, two chairs.
Yes.
I stand.
If I was just standing there getting more flashbacks.
Getting more flashbacks to the divine lord of war.
Hello!
Do you want to describe what this guy looks like?
Good, good, good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am Supreme Judge German Strabo-son.
And as this thing speaks, you see what is clearly a suit of armor that has sludge coming out the top of it.
Namely, more chins than you can count forming the head of this grotesquely obese balding man who is in this ostentatious gold-trimmed armor with, like, primarily silver body plates.
He sits down behind a fine wooden desk adorned with various statements and, like, you know, statuettes of the Lex and interpretations of law.
Hmm.
I see.
We're doing this, are we?
It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Judge.
Dural knows all.
Yes.
Dural does know all.
And I think with this, I want to take our break right here.
I just want everyone to know, I have to Photoshop this shit.
And we had, you saw this last night, and it was just, mwah.
I died.
Mwah.
Let's go on a fucking break.
Break.
All right, Barry Bang, everybody.
Hey, Andy, sweetie.
What's that you're drawing?
Hmm?
What the fuck?
I'm drawing a map.
A map?
A map?
But that looks like a picture of my eyes.
It could.
Because I just can't help getting lost in them.
What the fuck is this?
Okay, here's where we come back.
Okay, what fun thing can we come back to, you know, just to kind of do a thing?
What the fuck was this one?
It worked.
It got you confused.
What the fuck?
I guess.
Or it'll just hit us with a memetic kill phrase.
We have six minutes left.
And then we die.
There's some Bioshock shit going on here.
Great.
We'll have to replace it with cement in five minutes.
Yeah, exactly.
We have to speed run this next section.
I'm just gonna try and clip through the next couple walls.
Are you trying to get past my glorious new NPC?
Yes, I'm just gonna skip that.
We have to save her.
The Supreme Judge.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We run like crazy.
We have to save her.
The Supreme Judge.
We run like a fine wine.
We run into another horrible, malformed, weird-voiced monk's garage.
And immediately it's just like,
Bad RNG, Bad RNG, Bad RNG.
Reset, reset, reset, reset.
Try again.
If we keep resetting the session,
we'll eventually get a different color scheme for him.
The bad RNG is just because we keep complicating.
You know Alpha will just make it worse, right?
I know he will.
I've given up.
There's a certain hopelessness in every game.
I know.
I've given up.
I've given up. There's a certain hopelessness
that comes with Warhams, and I'm delighted
to indulge in it.
Back at the log.
Yeah, so our intrepid
adventurers have come
to the Mortis Carcerum
terminal station
where they have met with
the Supreme Judge
German
Straborson.
Who looks at them from across his desk?
Sir, you've come to
speak with de Raoul?
Yeah,
I sure have, Supreme Judge
Straborson. Pleasure to
make your acquaintance.
The law acknowledges
you.
I am Artimeno de
Fuckerby, and this is...
I motion to Lorne.
Uh, the help.
Very good, miss.
We have, uh, come here
because I am currently
looking for my wayward cousin.
You may have met him in your little time
here.
Yes, I am in
efforts to find him so I may warn
him of an impending
assassination plot levied against him.
Assassination? Okay.
That assassination
plot, by the way, is
against the law.
Are you saying that
the Straborson has
a problem with de Raoul?
No, someone's gonna kill him
and that's against the law. That's the problem.
Well,
see, well,
he left here
a few weeks ago
after meeting with de Raoul.
Mm-hmm.
What, uh,
what, uh, what did
he say out of curiosity?
I need to know, see what's been
going on.
Uh, what kind of, like, social
skill do you, like, is this persuasion?
You're trying to persuade some info out of him?
It's the highest one I got, so I got it.
Yeah, do it up. Like,
you're being nice to this guy.
Let's see what happens.
It's not actually the highest. It's just,
deception is par with it, but what do we have
for, we have two, can I pull
one? Yeah, I'm good with it.
Mm-hmm.
Nice.
Got a one. Oh, wow.
You wanna, you wanna wrath that?
Sure do. I'll hit a wrath. Yeah.
And get a zero. Nice.
Damn. Okay, good.
Yeah. Thank you.
Well,
I'll tell,
I'll tell you a bit of what
he was doing here. He came
to visit me with his,
his, his help,
and, uh, he needed the help of
de Raoul, so, of course,
de Raoul
was gonna help him. He wanted
to see our facilities,
meet with me,
hear about the great way I've
been operating this, and my family
has been operating this station.
I see.
Anyone else he talked with in particular
aside from your supreme
judgeliness of de Raoul?
No, he was only interested
in de Raoul, as every good
man should only be interested in.
And so he had many
conversations with de Raoul,
and then when he was done,
he departed after,
after leaving a prisoner
and our care.
I see.
So, out of curiosity,
was the, uh, was there any sign
of anyone following him?
Anyone that he might know of
that might be on his trail,
aside from me, of course?
No, he did say to expect
the debt collector
to be coming at some point.
The debt collector?
That's the ship
de Raoul has identified.
Isn't that
yours, Captain Zedek?
You may have
misheard, it is the, uh,
debt remander. Now, the debt collector
was actually my father's ship.
Yes, debt reminder.
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
are you sure of that?
Yes, although the
aspects...
That way,
de Raoul is talking.
No, de Raoul,
de Raoul wants to confirm,
was your ship
incorrectly called
the debt collector
instead of the debt remander?
Yes, I have a
little form here I'm going to
shuffle around in my coat.
Can I make a narrative declaration?
Of course you can.
I'm going to pull out one of the documents.
I'm afraid I'm going to be doing that a lot.
I'm going to pull out one of the documents
that identifies the ship as,
as he just said, the debt remander.
Obviously, I have not planned this out.
It's just going to,
to say it's the debt remander.
Oh, yeah, and you, like,
produce it and put it in front of him?
Yeah.
Yeah, so Straborson,
you don't even have to, like,
you can just narratively declare that's cool.
You don't even have to roll.
Straborson then pulls out, like,
a pair of those, like, opera glasses,
which he holds up and sort of, like,
has the bottom, like,
portion of the metal precariously
on his chin as he leans in
to read.
It seems you're right.
The debt remander.
Well, this is a mistake.
One moment.
And he reaches over to this device
on his, on his desk
and presses down on some sort of key.
Arbitrator Steve,
please come to my office.
DeBrow would like to see you now.
Anyways, so you were saying
about your current situation.
Go on, DeBrow will hear you out.
Yeah, so obviously us coming here
on the debt remander,
was not expected.
Very similar names.
This debt collector vessel, though,
what do you guys know of it?
What did my cousin say about it?
Well, Slyburgo said that,
well, that you might be coming around here
looking for him and that we should help you out
as much as we can.
Hang on.
Did I parse that right?
Did he say that Slyburgo said
we'd be coming by to help him?
That you'd be coming by
and that he should help you.
Huh.
Doubt?
That's concerning.
Can I do an insight on that?
Absolutely.
Because I don't know how much
I can work with that.
Yeah, totally.
My insight's not great,
but I'll go for it anyway.
Yeah, I believe.
I got a two.
Yeah, you're not getting anything else
beyond what he's telling you
and you're trying to like,
like zero in.
But you get like one impression
that he's kind of distracted
and like as you're looking in,
he just sort of like,
almost like adjusts his face
just so he's looking down
to like his right leg
and you just hear him like say,
I'm a piercing.
What's he talking to?
What?
He's just whispering to his legs.
I'm a little pathetic.
I'm going,
he's possibly talking to someone else.
So carry on.
Yeah.
Tell me you don't love your captive.
Hey, hold a second there, will you?
Don't talk to the row like that.
The row demands respect
and he slams his hand on the table.
Narrative declaration.
There's a law book on the shelf
about Mechanicus and RBD's overlap.
Okay.
I am going to reach for this book.
Look through it.
What are the citations
in which the business of explorator tech priests
overlap with the law?
When dealing with Mechanicus business
and the recovering of paramilitary operations.
In such cases where there are no Mechanicus operatives present,
the RBDs have jurisdiction,
which means he is completely in his,
his right to be holding this man
until a member of the Mechanicus arrives
to take that person out of their hands.
I slam it on the table.
I am a tech priest of the Forgeware Lemuria.
The row acknowledges this.
And then you, then like behind you,
you hear this like,
as the wooden door opens again,
and this, this arbitrator comes in.
Sir, arbitrator Steve,
reporting for, and before he finishes,
Mr. Borson raises a pistol up from underneath
and shoots the man in the chest
who goes flying out the window,
falling down past the spiral staircase
to the large room underneath.
And I will teach him for messing up the records of the row.
And he puts the pistol down.
Reb's gonna wipe some of the blood from his face.
And can I do, kind of check what I make to make it look like,
I don't care.
Deception.
You see, you must grow a beard
cause you can always hide your horror.
I'm trying very hard not to be Reb right now.
For audio, you got a five and a glory.
If I accidentally spoke.
I said five and a glory.
No, no, I actually spoke over you.
So I was trying to make the record clear for the court.
Well, apologies about the extras.
But the row must be rigid.
And well, as your, your tech priest accomplices said,
but we can return the row Hector to,
to your possession.
He's in the lower levels.
Sure, sure.
I'd have a few choice words for the guy.
Beg your pardon, Supreme judge, what was that?
The row understands and the row will permit you
to take your prisoner out of the row's care
and into the mechanicus law's hair.
Of course, of course.
So what else could we do for you in that case?
Is there anything that you need to have done around here
that we can do while we're here?
I'm on a tight schedule,
but I'm sure we could work something out
to assist with your workload.
Uh, the row needs no assistance.
The row is perfect.
Of course, of course.
Let's go see our boy then.
Yeah.
Did Slybrow the fucker be tell you where he was going?
No, he, he finished his talks with the row
and he departed on board his ship here
after giving the Junior Magos to the row's custody.
On what purpose did he transfer him off of here?
The Junior Magos was accused of Xenos tech heresy.
So he has been put into one of the solitary confinement
cells on the lower level.
That is preposterous.
No one would ever get caught doing that.
Is this like,
is your hand over that cube
that's clearly in one of your pockets right now?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are your, are your like eyes just shifting?
You like, no one's gonna do that.
No.
Yeah.
Good, I will give you permission.
Um, that being said,
remember that this is a station of the row
and the row will be followed.
Wow! Oh, وت?
here of course wouldn't want to break the law i'm from necromunda you don't break the law necromunda
that's just unheard of good good good all right last thing i have to say is that as servants of
the emperor daral stands with you at which point he he like slowly just stands up out of the chair
and then quickly sits down again yes apparently i collapse
of course pleasure talking with you judge hopefully we'll get to meet again under better
circumstances all right the row we'll see you off now goodbye
bye
what i feel like this npc would
be perfect for dune
basically our conan as it is yeah i'm sitting here so you would be the most perfect npc for
no oh my god he's the guy that like works for the emperor that like talks like he's like
yeah so everyone thinks he's an idiot and the moment they turn their backs he like
slices them to bits with his like fucking single razor hair or whatever
the row would be the instrument of the party's demise yeah something like
true
all right so uh i guess we'll depart from this very funny office which is now venting into atmo
well he no no he shot like the glasses like down to a like basically a open sort of room below you
kind of like entered into a room that was a space no he fell down into space i also approve of chat
the room must flow
he's crying
the kidding word yes what
before you use more of the weirding way on me
poor very unfortunate
right
harmonies
this is a very unfortunate time
this is a very unfortunate time
this is a very unfortunate time
this is a very unfortunate time
does he have like a gun or a stun baton
very far away from us
as you as you fucking leave the room and go down the spiral staircase you can see that
several arbenes have already picked up their their their shot comrade and have begun moving
while servitors with large glass panes have already moved into place
and seem to be waiting for crane units with which to replace the window on the
i wanted to get bad funny helmet
mclaw donor waits for you at the bottom
ah well that was enlightening
arbitrator you're still here
yes i heard from the supreme judge that he'll be
shaking you down under the lex
yes i heard from the supreme judge that i'll be shaking you down under the lex
shake you down under the lex
correct we are picking someone up in the meantime actually i would like it if my
companion stepped forward for a little bit while uh we head down that way you and i need to have
a quick chat um uh well the the elevator will take some time to reach up here so uh we can we
can converse while the the arbitrators take your your companions off to to the uh to the lift and
as you're like as this is happening the two two servitors walk by with the glass panes one of
which is matthew shrub soul and the other is secretly omegon uh and they're replacing the
glass pane oh that'd be great honestly that would be a really great twist if that primark was
actually just dead this whole time and was just this is like a servitor and no one noticed
yeah
yeah so so the the arbitrators take the three off and you you have some time with
mclaw doter and sort of one of the the private uh nearby chambers
all right now and i'm going to dramatically pinch the side of my sunglasses and take them off
and i look directly at the arbitrator
mm-hmm and i'm going to whip out my inquisitorial seal
it is uh equipment and it is my symbol of authority of the ordo xenos
all right let's cut the bullshit let's get down to business here i am of the i'm of the
imperial inquisition ordo xenos and you're going to work with me right now
intimidation
absolutely however i'm going to also mention my inquisitor's name my overarching inquisitor
yes my uh inquisitor harlan is the name of my uh inquisitor does my symbol of authority
grant me anything or is that really just kind of there that's um that's like sort of the
let me see if it offers you i don't think it does because last i checked it doesn't
it's just kind of an object that i get for being an inquisitor but i wanted to see if it would have
any effect on them
arbitrator no it does um it grants a plus one to leadership and intimidation tests for those who
so you get an extra bonus die so i'm getting three bonus three bonus die yep can i pull
anything from the glories for glory i'm asking the the crew if that's okay oh yeah i'll take
two from the glory so that'll give me a bonus of five sweet slam i get six and a complication
okay i still have one wrath will this be enough or should i re-roll this will be enough to get you
a success but shifts might help here okay so i'm going to use my last wrath yeah to uh
re-roll that to a nine nice okay
so
another shift okay cool so four um yeah yeah yeah okay so so make your like like
basically make your your requests for her at this point we are currently trailing a rogue
individual of course slybergo defuckaby i am no artemene or defuckaby nor would i want that
name it is likely a xenos tainted name by this juncture i am inquisitor reeb van horn
you
and you're going to help me find out what exactly is going on here because it seems as though
mr defuckaby has come and gone leaving in a junior magos in the care of the law on the station
and i would like to know why and i would also like to know why the judge is so accepting of
such a random bequeathment well um you you see every everything's gone everything's gone
gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone
gone badly since since defuckaby left the station
ever since the supreme judge lost his family jewels
is what
yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna echo that from far away i was almost taking this seriously
do you mean this to be a literal meaning of family jewels are we going for the informal
meaning of genitals here no no no no no
nothing nothing nothing no no no no no the straborson family line has has ruled as supreme
judges of this station for for millennia each of them are reported to to be in possession of
of of a assemblage of jewels that they uh refer to as their family jewels these these these jewels
have have given the straborsons at least from their lines in incredible luck which is sort of
a thing to do with the fact that they're not just a family of jewels they're a family of jewels
like leans in a bit you see i i i would dare say the supreme judge is nowhere near talented
for his position no bears none of the skills necessary for an arbitrator
but has ascended to to the rank of supreme judge despite truly having the barest minimum
of knowledge on the lex other older arbitrators i've
i've met have stated as much for those also in the family line but but the jewels have
at least according to to all of the rumors i've heard have have granted his family line almost
reality altering abilities in terms of their luck all right i will make a note of that and that'll
be something to bring up later right now our concerns are mr defuckabious it seems as though
in his wake he's not going to be able to do anything he's not going to be able to do anything
that many i thought 네
i don't know what you're going to do that's flippant but i said to myself well you don't
only need to eat once they're gone but we're going to lose our job so i'd rather wait for
me to start trying again so smile got here i've now played role play discussions just
for aideo so if you wanna and continue the chat better pretending you know who you think
you are i don't know how long there's a video coming up that's not all of this will do
nevertheless in dave's case we've got what was going to happen with the
entire staff a lot the entire staff is transferred elsewhere less pleasant and i could do it now
ha content Mash Goblin
ha content Mash Goblin he became royals has gone back in color and become royals at points
stag your book cheeks Troy she's like Hayor are you doing heavy workレver right
I will simply say that I am a dutiful servant of the Emperor,
though the Supreme Judge is quite erratic since the loss of his jewels.
Of course.
He believes that Defuckabee is responsible for the theft of his jewels.
Defuckabee.
Defuckabee.
Of course, of course.
The only one who I would say would know the knowledge of what is exactly going on
would be the junior Magos, Ro Hector,
who, despite being a very amenable person who I spoke with quite frequently
during their initial visit,
shortly before Defuckabee left the station,
he entrusted the Magos to our care,
and the Supreme Judge,
ordered him placed in solitary confinement.
The servitors, pre-programmed, deliver food and water,
but none of our staff have been allowed to speak with the junior Magos since his internment here.
I see.
How many of your assisting arbitrators are in on this little situation?
I would suspect that most of the arbitrators here owe their loyalty to the Supreme Judge
for very little.
I'd say that you're right.
He's a very well-known man.
He's a very well-known man.
He's a very well-known man.
He's a very well-known man.
He's a very well-known man.
He's acquired quite a mass of information,
both incriminating and otherwise, on the staff here.
And how many can defer to you?
Are you of rank, or are you of standard quality?
She pauses, and like,
you can give me an insight check here.
All right, I'll do that.
I'm not gonna,
I'm looking forward to bumbling that
as I try to determine anything about her
as I get A.
too um you you you get like the sense of a pause and then she she kind of continues speaking
i i would say that that i am responsible for most of the day-to-day operations of this station
oh i see so you're one of the security operators of the security operators
all of our primary access codes and otherwise are held by the supreme judge
though it is outside the standards of the lex
boston is quite insistent that he is
de roll on this station of course of course i can't imagine this is going to be terribly easy
we ourselves are incapable of rendering our full contingent on this place so we will have to deal
for the time being
so i suppose for now we shall head down and meet ro hector and in the meantime i am art
and you are arbitrator mclaw daughter and you and i you and reed van horn have never met
yes yes of course i i will take you and your companions down immediately uh come come with
me to the elevator and do keep your head down you are the only person on this station who i've had
an opportunity to talk to
it would be bad if you were to lose it under the law
of course
can i can i can i simply say can i simply say
thank you for pronouncing it right and she she exits
it's been 10 years
we have a first imperial official
reeb's gonna unfold his sunglasses and put them on and i say
well i guess she was the law's daughter
the camera the camera cuts forward to our immediately to our next scene so i can hurt
erndale for that i'm already hurting that hurt my throat a little bit
oh i turn inside an elevator and we all kind of get all crammed up in there
and i look up like what's that song that's playing
i'm a rat
i told you i was gonna hurt you for those of you listening to the podcast we now have a lovely
background that is uh our arbitrators and players all crammed into an elevator with a subtitle of
elevator plays dupe by dupe thanks for invading that music yeah yeah yeah thanks for loading
the comments of that video on youtube with warham sent me here we had a good fucking laugh on that
one
the facade is cracking the facade beneath the sunglasses is cracking
i'm dying
the lens is cracked
it's like hey hey uh hey reeb your uh your sunglasses are breaking over mad
you can see that the sunglasses are cracking because my upper my eyebrow
and my lower eye section you know where they rest are just pinching them to crushing them
okay uh and like so mcglad is there
soo Yo?
captain zedek
yes mcgl-
ost been, she is tall
how how
this is like they're like wow characters they're they're they're made taller because we need we need them to be impressive
that's all
so captain your vessel uh how long have you owned it for
well i've that's
That's tough to say at this point.
We've been traveling so long, I've almost forgotten it's been a couple years now.
But even then, it's only been shipwright and spacefaring for, you know, less than a year.
See, it was more of my father's ship before my own, and then we, well, it kind of got passed down to me
and threw a couple bits of Imperial-grade duct tape and a fine working staff that has not yet mutinied.
Here we are.
Hi.
Zedek, remember that time when you were driving your car and your pants ripped?
It was very embarrassing.
That was funny.
And that's when Pybrain looks down and, like, sees the fold of the jacket move just to reveal the rip.
Yes, Brain, remember our tech priest on board who is from a forge world
who is vastly aggressive towards you.
I remember her, but someday I will not need to.
Anyway.
One of the archers leans into Lorne.
You seem different from this lot.
Yeah, I'm the help.
The help?
How do you help?
I advise.
I just want to say, by the way,
Reap's going to remain, like, quiet throughout this because he's trying not to scream.
I like that for a fact I went to go open dupe by dupe to listen to it for this scene in the background,
but, like, already some of you people have commented again.
You're awful people.
The guard then sort of, like, leans further in towards you, Lorne.
Do you have any throne gelt or other?
Currency?
No, no.
No, that's it.
What else do you want from me?
I ain't got no fucking money.
Like, what do you want?
You just seemed like someone who might, like, wages.
Fuck you talking about?
I don't have any money.
I'm not buying you lunch.
Fuck off.
You want a gamble?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I was going to say that we're going to have a fight while you're down there, so you might
be able to bet.
Oh, I see what you're talking about.
Which one do you choose?
Who's the ringers down there?
Well, we got Willis.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
He's an ex-Navy.
He's an ex-Navy armsman.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, and he's, uh, he's gonna be fighting Tronchus.
Tronchus.
I like that name.
I like that name a lot.
Yeah.
I'm betting.
I'm all in.
I hand him, like, a couple rocks with runes on it for boys.
It's like, yeah, they're really valuable.
All right.
all right all on chonkas that's like 30 000 gelt so whatever the fuck you call your currency
right okay good good and he sort of backs off not it gives you a nod
you just you just bet on like a fighting ring yeah yeah if there's like a riot or something i
want to win and like michelod just like seriously did you did you take no no ma'am didn't he didn't
take any money
he took rocks
i see
well then this is very very very uh embarrassing uh ah look we're just under halfway there good
good good good good look you won't say a word
i i i have to i have to apologize but
the
the
the
the station is uh you see we we arbitrators uh we we typically live in the lex and she like
waves her hand up to the ceiling the upper portion of this of the station is where the
majority of the arbitrator staff are uh those indentured servants who have betrayed the laws
of the imperium our they are they are in the lower section of the station now as the supreme judge
often says all men are in the lower section of the station and they are in the lower section of the
station and they are under the lex
are we stepping out of the elevator at this point or we no no no it's still going like
i lean over to brain it's going to be a total hole down there watch
oh yeah no it's gonna be like a real piece of shed
it's oh it's just like the lower decks oh yes the lower decks
hey that reminds me the last time i was in a penal colony
oh it was a long and arduous time i lost many friends that day you see what happened was
nothing happened and that's about the end of the story
dupe by dupe continues for for several several several more repeats until in like awkward silence
after uh pie brain's story when finally the elevator comes to a stop and the the pneumatic
doors hiss open and then a a sealed lock door opens up as well admitting you on to a um a catwalk
that you can emerge onto mclaw doter leads the way along with with the orbits arbetus
and you find yourself traveling on an elevated position above a massive complex
i love the face in the window
oh
you
I'm gonna be so sad
get him
oh no
oh boy
don of war ogren y dot web
um you you find yourself walking like over these like sealed cells but then some sort of
like communal like walking areas for probably recreation you catch a few of the the various
like prisoners mulling about
uh
in the back where that's
you know
alpha
gotta kill that one
looking bad for that one to die
and yeah you can just see them like all just like
mulling about down here
as you can see the
situation here is
tense
Reap has since replaced his broken sunglasses
which he broke in the elevator from the sheer force of his brow
why is it
tense exactly they just look like they're walking around down there
no different than a necromunda scab pit
well you see it's all because
of Tagadur
who? Tagadur
he's one of the well now
more notable prisoners here
why is he now more notable than he was?
well shortly after
Mr. DeFockerby left the station
Tagadur rose in prominence
which was surprising considering his background
what is his background?
he was an administratum clerk
and a pencil pusher
about as ignominious as you can get
from Attila
I'm not your average pencil pusher
who couldn't read
why is he in prison?
because he could not perform his duties
ah that old that old bag of snot
yeah
why didn't they simply surgically graft onto him that ability?
why didn't they simply surgically graft onto him that ability?
why didn't they simply surgically graft onto him that ability?
why didn't they simply surgically graft onto him that ability?
I can't do that pie
I can't do that pie
it's not so simple just to surgically install reading ability
you could very easily take it away
but giving it's a little bit harder
I don't know about that one Chief
that sounds really like a like a failure of your system
so alright we have this administratum clerk who can't read
and he's done what?
so alright we have this administratum clerk who can't read
and he's done what?
well he's somewhat well known and well known
Without taking control of many of the prisoners, many of them have thrown their allegiance
behind him.
What end?
Why are you giving your prisoners the ability to do these things?
Why don't you just turn them into servitors and be done with it?
Alas, we do not have the facilities for mass conversion.
Well, that does sound very difficult.
And you start hearing this chanting coming from the lower levels.
Hold on a second, I want to see what they're doing.
And you see this open area where this fairly like buff man, dark skin comes out.
And he's got like a pipe wrench in one hand and he's sort of shaking his hand and like
holding the pipe wrench.
Yeah.
inch above his head and then there's like this circle of prisoners that have formed around
and mclaw doter turns around just like by the emperor i cannot believe the supreme judge allows
this and then you just hear more chokas chokas chokas as the the circle of of people parts
to reveal a mountain of muscles that strides forward and this immense figure
stares down at the man who's wielding the pipe wrench
and as though there's some unspoken cue the man with the pipe wrench backs off
and then moves to take a swing at which point
this this immense
you
this ogroid figure grabs the the pipe wrench in one hand and then sticks out the other
and though you are far up you just hear this distinct crack sound
as the hand covers the man's face and the man falls down
hey i have a trainer like double him a little bit the fuck's my money
that's right here you go
he used the vulcan nerve pinch he's okay
okay he's fine
he pinched a whole lot of nerves
he pulls he pulls his hand away and he's just like sleeping contentedly
you see the others the the others here serve chonkas out of fear
does anyone actually serve you guys
we don't maintain an active presence here we
simply use combat suppression servitors
so this chongus man is causing you much consternation and making your job difficult to do
so to be fair chonkas is a gentle spirit the supreme judge however does require amusing displays
the judge needs them
the judge needs them
yes the the fights are a deviation from the rules of the department
from the lex that the supreme judge allows is chongus a problem or is he a boon
chongus is
caught up in something i do not believe he understands i see well if you ever need someone
to screw his head off like a tangerine we'll help you i see well where we appear to be here
this is this hall connects to a connecting chamber we keep all of the the solitary confinement
areas uh with connecting chambers you'll simply need to go into that room and then we will
remotely activate the doors
mm-hmm
now i should mention
i hope you people haven't seen to it that rohick does sanity is compromised by his visit
i i i assure you i have done nothing uh against the junior magus i i swear on the emperor and
and she like looks at reeb
with, like, meaningful eyes.
Reeb's just smiling as normal.
I got a question, though.
Are we going in there all in our lonesome
while you guys hang out out here?
Would be nice to have an arbitrator show us around.
Yes, uh...
Johnson, you can go with him.
Oh, you'll do, actually.
Reeb's going to lunge a hand out
and grab McLaudotter on the shoulder.
Of course, of course.
After all, it would be really bad
for us to experience something unfortunate down here
without an arbitrator to show us around, right?
Of course.
And she sort of, like, steps in front of you
and goes into the door.
All right, we'll follow behind, I guess.
Yep, follow along.
Let's go.
I'm just going to lean into Zedek.
Zedek, do tangerines have head,
or did I just...
I just ruined my metaphor.
I got to test her.
She walks in,
and you find yourselves in a large square room
that has three doors.
Like, well, sorry, four doors.
One that you came in,
and then one kind of central at each of the cardinal points.
The door opposite where you've entered,
and then the two on the sides all appear to be cells.
Which are completely sealed.
McGlawdoter walks up to the cogitator unit
at the furthest cell
and begins keying in on the term.
I'm doing this mainly because I want to make sure
she's not going to screw us over
and that she wasn't just lying to me.
She, like, yeah, begins pressing on the console.
Strange.
Mm-hmm.
The door you entered in, like,
has this pneumatic seal sound.
Uh...
I see.
I'm trying.
It's...
And then the doors at the side begin to cycle open.
Uh-huh.
And as they do, they pop open, both doors,
and out come, like, several,
perhaps maybe, like, a dozen in each of the side doors
of those prisoners
walking out with, again,
just different types of doors,
types of equipment some with pipes some with like impromptu shivs and they're all sort of
got these smiling faces as they come out um and like mclaw daughter turns and like
raises up her shock malt sticks back to yourselves
mclaw daughter i believe we have a i believe we have just been found out
no we're not a fast food joint go around hey judge what's the deal
you lose a bunch of prisoners on us very uncool
and you have my juice
you
if he if he took them why do you think we have them
yes i have them for you tell me where he is
you will find out
he'll come to you
by invention of subsection
270,000 C
of the Adaptus Mechanicus
and Arbitus
Law Lex Manuals
if you continue with
disrupting this activity
you will never be the law
jewels are no
I am the law
I don't think that had the
intended effect you wanted it to
you're right
I'm just going to grab
all of these
prisoners start rushing towards you
combat time
we're not using a map for this
are we doing combat at this hour?
yeah
oh boy
Arbitrator, I hope your swinging arm
is as up to snuff as the rest of you
is
she dark souls switches to
dual hand spec with them all
the
drank twin
hammers
yeah
and there is a nod
there is a nod and she puts her helmet back on at the same time
but but seriously which who of you would like to go first
I have one question for you
yeah
where is chongus
he's not here it's just a bunch
he's like further like he was you saw him outside on your way here
there's no chongus here
there is literally just a bunch of prisoners with like shivs and pipes
if he were to come up is there a flight of stairs coming from down?
if he were to come up is there a flight of stairs coming from down?
no no basically you are in a room that connects to three prison cells and two of the cells opened to reveal just a whole bunch of random
the only exit out of here is the way you came which is now pneumatically sealed behind you
I see in that case I am just going to go where the fighting is thickest and I am going to start swinging
uh so you're going to go first and just rush?
unless anyone else has something they'd like to do
I was going to just do telekinetic dome
I was going to just do telekinetic dome
but if you want to go and buy-
but if you want to go and buy-
if you want to go in the mosh pit be my guest
yeah I figure that I'll draw aggro
just be the blunder
yeah so I am going to charge and is this a horde or am I going to perhaps-
this is a mob this is a mob so you can just make your attacks normally here
okay cool cool cool
so no multi-attack or anything
no no no you don't have to you just rush in and-
I'm going to take my start
for Lemuria!
Rohecta you will be released!
and uh I will uh-
I'm going to charge and I'm going to attack them
he's going to start spinning
I'm going to-
I'll try spinning anti-spinning that is a good trick
okay
make sure the dice roll
oh god
oh oh god
oh
he rolled so much that there wasn't enough room on the thing
oh my god
hey I'm going to use a wrath here
okay use a wrath you have no wrath left
I know just-
actually actually I'm sorry
I know just-
unfortunately chat fucked you on this one
yes
oh really?
specifically now to explain on how this works because the person who did it probably had a false expectation
when you-
when you donate for a player to complicate
you donate for them to just complicate
the custom uh complications happen through the patreon folks
so you can't donate and say they must do exactly this now
that's not how that works
uh we do it just so you can-
you force them to complicate matter what so then we can pull from our pool
because that-
that starts complicating stuff
because the people then start making a complication which is absolutely not going to work
and we don't want to-
so someone decided to make me complicate
yes
yeah so you complicated so if we have something on our docket or we roll for it
I've got some good news though
what's that?
I need to double check this
but
my sword is now mastercrafted
yes that means it's reliable
which means-
holy shit
which means that this overrides it so wrecked
fuck
well it was worth a shot thanks Zedek
I'm sorry
shout out
go ahead
yeah um Zoran do you want to shout that out or are we uh
yeah yeah yeah so you- you rush forward uh with an eight you're gonna hit uh the complication is going to happen but roll damage
yeah yeah I'm gonna also uh just uh use my wrath because I already did it
but Jesus I'll be shifting three dice
nice nice nice nice nice nice okay yeah you- you cleave through like six of these like just
we're just waiting for the damage to load
there we go
yeah
oh yeah yeah
yeah that's uh
they're very good very good in fact no that'll be eatable
oh
uh okay yeah so you just like
you just tear through them and as you do um
you- you find that actually just roll me 2d6
we're gonna- we're gonna use a combat complication here
very good
I don't have a good one immediately off hand for this
let us see my fate
I almost wrote- I almost rolled 2d67
I'm 67
yeah 25!
a 25 good site and roll 20 has just crashed on me so I'm quickly
loading back in
terrific
you love it when roll 20 crashes because when roll 20 crashes
ah here we go
that means you die
okay cool uh your- your- your power sword after slicing through all of these uh
sparks slightly
they're gonna break again
but it's- it seems to be holding but there's- there's- there seems to be
a spark and you- your- your hand sort of like locks in place
as you feel your entire arm that's holding onto it is basically locked in place
it's my swinging arm
uh and then uh several of the prisoners uh they- they decide to- to come straight at you
descending in a- in a horde of uh various weapons
uh let's see what that's uh oh that's uh
that's a 9 and a complication sweet
yeah
um and let's see here
oh yay
uh so I'll only do 12 damage to you with that
right so that's going to be uh a 3 that goes through
and I will make my determination
and remember
which has
yep
your skitarii so you get plus 2 to that
eat
now
okay
uh where's the
oh there it is
okay
that has rolled
I believe as they start like coming at you and just like smashing you with pipes and like shivs and other things
um yeah tick tick and you feel your armor is like getting these dents in it and
yes
clang
I'll take- I'll take 3 shock and then I'm going to attack with counter-attack
absolutely
oh
oh my gosh
uh uh oh my god uh
you
that
how
that's 1, 2, 3, 4, 12
um
and you didn't complicate
did I hit?
no
well we're gonna use that rat someone kindly donated
okay
I really like how you
oh my god
oh my god
incredible
that'll hit no no shifting wow
I'm not even going to apply an additional penalty because your hand is messed up because that's
the universe already hates you
oh my god
laugh
uh you managed to like tear down the the other two on that side of the room
I am at this point using my actual arm that's working to more wield my arm that's frozen
oh lord
I'm using my left hand to use my right hand to hold the sword and swing
at like and at this point to be clear you've just like murdered like 12 people on that side of the room
just in this flurry of of blows uh who would like to go next?
um
I suppose I can
I could do another swath of people if you know I don't set anyone on fire for it
yeah you you certainly can just like raise up your flame or go
so so pot so we're like in a catwalk area right?
no no you're basically in a room now that connects to three more prisoners you're in like an enclosed space
okay uh is there an arc that I can hit like a swath of people with that won't set anyone else on fire?
oh yeah absolutely you just make the check and I'll tell you later
you just make the check and I'll tell you tell you how many it's
okay ballistic skill going out
sweet
the flamer the flamer the flame is on fire
uh so you'll be able to shift once uh if you get if you wanted to try to fish for more exalts you can
which would let you get like if you got one more you could hit uh eight of them right now you're at six
well I can't because remember I've blown all my wrath
that's fair okay so yeah you just uh roll damage for me
foosh it's 11
yeah that's fair you just you torch six of them who all like scream as they're on fire and then like drop their weapons and claw at their faces and just
is this really how you want to go down?
um and then they they make a resolve test
uh which they fail uh and the remaining prisoners drop their weapons and like assume that like clearly like trained position of like arms by fire
uh which they fail uh and the remaining prisoners drop their weapons and like assume that like clearly like trained position of like arms by fire
behind their their heads like okay okay okay
yeah you're okay this isn't what the roll was
that's that's what's happening
until you get I assume the rest of the prisoners are like stopping you're what
yeah yeah yeah
now listen here you lumbering lawman
you start seeing this like visible foggy scene
foggy substance
come out from the walls
ah
I cover my mouth with my beard
can I
can I do a medicaid check
to see what the fuck is coming through
absolutely you can
I know I'm probably not going to be able to do anything
about it but I will get a three
it's some
kind of just like absolute
um like
it's knockout gas like they're pumping
in some kind of like debilitating
gas into the room
I make sure to uh let everyone
know alright everyone sit down
sit down comfortably don't hit your head
when you fall
I'm just going to sit down on the ground
cross my arms frustratedly
ah
uh Lauren
you were uh you were trying to cover
with your beard
and it's highly ineffective
and then yeah yeah like
at this point um I believe
I believe everyone here
collapses uh Zedek
are you doing anything here
uh I'm gonna follow Reeb's advice
I can't get out of this one
now now Piebrain
I know you're just waiting to tell me
you don't breathe right
I am I am
so you see your companions all kind of like
sit down dejectedly
and then like fall on their sides
what are you doing
I kick them
this sucks
you think you're so special
don't you
how do I say that
yeah
I'm sad of everything
because I'm the rogue
I'm gonna go a stealth check
you hear this like pneumatic sound
above you
and you
like you see the gas is starting
to raise up
as the ceiling is separating
I don't I
I understand
this is now time for Rastaka protocols
my friends
we'll return for you
and I'm going to try to find a vent
give me an awareness test
yeah sure
you better do it
I hope I do yeah
all right let me let me just check
what my awareness is
um
my awareness is good
this is not bad
I'm going to uh
uh kindly donate uh
three of our glory into this
I've used all of them if I were you
that's a good point
all right
four four into this pool
okay
for awareness
and how we
nice three and a complication
three and a complication
I'm gonna tell
if you want to reroll
I will
okay
seven
and a complication
I
here's the thing
here's the thing
I'm gonna
I'm gonna
I got the complication
all ready for it
because it's what's happening
in the scene
you see a vent
you're not sure
if it's going to be big enough
for you
you're not sure
but the complication
is why the ceiling is opening
because
the ceiling is opening
to reveal something
in a
in a very small
like attic like chamber
above this area
and
since we previously
like discussed Breaking Bad
um
uh
the response
that I'll give you
for what's in there is
magnets bitch
as a giant magnet
appears from the fissure in the ceiling
and you feel this attraction
as like weapons
and various items are flying up towards it
ah
um
now in order for you to
to beat the magnet
I'm gonna need you
to give me a strength test
okay
I
you think I can't do it
you think
I think that I sucked all your wrath
and all your glory away
before I
I think you can do this
all right
can I
okay
I have another idea
to beat the magnet
oh okay
okay okay
so
I'm gonna take my plasma gun
I'm going to
I'm taking off my glasses
in my house
I want you to
know that
I'm going to
overload it
I'm rubbing my ear
then I'm going to
overload it
then I'm going to
overload it
and overcharge it on purpose
for maximum disintegration
and then try to throw it ahead of me
are you trying to kill us
yeah everyone else is flying towards the magnet
they've all got metal on them
are you are you are you murdering all of your allies with the portables?
I might not do that
so would you like to give me that strength test?
yeah
fucking
bi brain turns into fry brain in a matter of a second
unless you were given a wrath die back
oh good
here we go
here we go
here we go
here we go
way you go it's gonna be tough it's gonna be you're gonna need an eight it's gonna be real
tough i do not fear for my ally is the force
clearly not the magnetic force you have a four oh four yes okay all right i need to
we gotta do this man you have to are you gonna have are you gonna have like a big narrative
speech as you try to beg the chat for glory
begging is this what we're up to now i don't want to beg my way
please roll the wrath then i will that's how we pay some of our bills now
all right here's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna i have two graph back is that correct
you have two right now yeah narrative declaration
can i make a speech
make a shot with the overcharged plasma onto the magnet to try to reduce the difficulty
which we are attached to
so you're trying to aim at a part of the magnet that doesn't have any of your friends on it
while being pulled by said magnet thus turning towards the magnet while trying to get away from
the magnet um and hit a part of it where your allies aren't well overloading the plasma gun
is that correct a really good argument
here no no no i'm all down for it i think that's fucking hilarious i just want to know what kind of
difficulty number i need to give i am pious not much of a marksman so i like what's this oh you
guys keep running out of ammo you you gun users excuse me excuse me mr plasma gun no i've got it
oh no i'm going to turn the plasma gun onto myself
oh you're just gonna commit suicide
you can't catch me when i'm dead fuckers
you think you've caught me a narrative twist you didn't expect this
i'm going to shoot okay
at myself why
i'm going to use the rec recoil
to launch me towards the vent i try to hold on to it
you don't want to shoot yourself to go towards the vent you just need to shoot
if you shoot towards the point at which you're being sucked you're gonna turn all of us into
slime you make a good point this is stupid i'm just gonna reuse
i know we have a lot of glory
yeah i was just about to say i just say like all of this bullshitting like
circular
plasma gun logic has fulfilled your fucking hidden plan of refilling the glory pool for
strength that's
i don't need mr smith goes to washington in my fun and pen and paper game now we roll
it again because that sucked
you can re-roll the five dice or the four dice if you'd like with a wrath i could re-roll
the four and the two so six
by chad's chat give me your energy
this is a final fantasy prayer sequence
okay I mean it's kind of trying to make sure before you get all together you used all the
glory correct
all my glory
you just spent a wrath die your original strength power was four
god
you didn't have four five six and all the other fucking ones failed
and so now you re-rolled them the ones that failed so now
the four five six seven eight nine six so now your strategy has backfired it's okay
there's a hole in the top six is full there's a hole in the middle there's a hole in
seven eight nine so you have nine total thanks to chat was there was there a complication in
the wings please someone tell me during that someone was like no no no one donated for him
to complicate all right so here here's here's how i'm going to declare this and this is what's
going to happen you are going to this is this is so high brain you you claw your way towards the
vent however there's a few things that need to happen first of all you need to get it open and
that requires the plasmic gun so i will say you don't even have to roll the hit you have to fire
that plasmic gun at the fence to get it open um to give you egress and you manage to get your way
with this ridiculous skill check and yes
chat you did it however as as you you engage your rust stock protocols and enter into the
the like labyrinthine tunnels of of the prison the the sort of locked army you have
gives way for a moment completing the complication from earlier and your power sword goes trailing
behind you onto the magnet as does the plasma gun leaving you only with your pistol
oh
but you get into the tunnels
a plasma gun and a power sword i mean i mean i will i will narratively declare that the pad
that the power sword uh lands flat and doesn't murder any of you
into zenik's backside you know it goes straight through mclaw donor because she was a nice
competent npc and we can't have any of those in this silly kills you're welcome um but all of our
players now uh well three of us are going to die so you die but you get into the tunnels and you
run here are you okay
they were like just you have a good time
i've thought about telling people about didi's licensed
so that when you practice everything you need to donate in an everyday way
when you agree withBNB's
yeah
like here's what happens if lauren tries to molten beam his way out and they have a chance
yeah a lot odor is alive don't worry that was a joke um but but then i was like and then what's
gonna happen is i'll gas them and they'll all like fall unconscious i didn't expect y'all to
be so willing about that thanks for playing along uh but then i was like and that's when pi brain
specifically speaker d will be like well actually thirsty and that's when i'll pull the magnet so
so i really thought i would get you with the magnet but the power of love and chat let you
get into the vents and become basically the stalking murder murderer on this station much
like you are on the debt collector i was not expecting that i'll have to chat and saved you
and change the story i want to uh to say thank you very much speaker d for recreating the entirety
of mr smith goes
to washington
so you can climb into a vent
i just i just oh oh i want to i want to thank first i want to thank my mom
let's start ending it out first off i'm gonna say a couple thank you first thank you everybody
who has showed up for the stream thank you all so very much uh thank you everyone who followed
today
thank you everyone who donated and subscribed and all that stuff and we'd like to also give a
a friendly shout out to our friend remy who decided to raid us during the thing to get us
over the thousand concurrent viewer thing although as much as timber it is we still got through it so
i think we can do a giveaway at the end of the stream we're not going to do it right this instant
but at the at our end point after our outro we will be uh we'll be giving away some stuff here
so with that everybody i'd like to reintroduce to you for the amazing characters who have brought to
this show as i bring up my thingamajig pie brain all scatari played by speaker d
yes hello you can find me on twitter at at super snake kick which is the account i actually
regularly update and on youtube on very rare occasions as speaker d and i want to thank you
guys for letting me uh recreate the plot of diehard next session
hitting pie brains with rocks
played by erin dill who is our uh inquisitorial acolyte there we go there's a thing
yeah i'm erin dill you can reach me on twitter at erin dillio because i make no content except
for comedy posts relating to tts and occasionally some other stuff but you follow me if you want
it'll be it'll be fine hit speaker d with a rock ow and i have been playing lorne who's been the
sanctioned psyker you can find me at basically you're watching my stuff right now and next up
we have captain zeddy
nick our resident rogue trader writer of etiquette played by hulky crow
yeah that's that's me i'm hulky crow you can really only find me on twitter at hulky crow
i occasionally repost memes i'll paint post hobby updates uh you'll probably see me on a couple
games for the next couple days because i'm doing some stuff for i don't know maybe a stream
and the summoner of magnets ruiner of worlds a killer of pie brains and the ruler of da raw
our game is over and i'm out
master thurston hillman thank you again for another awesome episode uh thank you guys this
was one of the funniest ones i think we've done yet and i look forward to seeing uh what da row
has in store for you over our uh next uh next episode and with that we're gonna go ahead and
start ending things here thank you everyone so much for watching we greatly greatly appreciate
it if you guys want to say goodbye and then we'll see you next time bye bye
thank you guys for coming out tonight and i hope you guys enjoyed the stream