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Business success is dependent on a solid financial foundation & success looks different to everyone & there is a lack of equity of access to resources and information for small business owners and independent contractors & there is a societal narrative making us believe “balance” is our ultimate goal & … There are so many “&”s that impact being your own boss. Let’s have some frank discussions on the basics of business with a holistic focus on everything that helps business owners define and find success.
Molly 0:00
Welcome to The Ambiguous &: Business Basics and Beyond, the podcast where we have frank discussions on the basics of business with a holistic focus on everything that helps business owners define and find success. Each episode is a reminder that success isn't one thing, it's a whole lot of ambiguous ands. Like, subscribe or follow, and let's explore these ambiguous ands.
Molly 0:35
Hello and welcome to The Ambiguous &: Business Basics and Beyond. I'm your host, Molly Beyer, and I'm here to lead you through frank and holistic conversations on the basics of business. Now this one's personal. Well, I guess they all are, but this one especially. I am a lifelong learner. I love to learn. I read the books, I attend the workshops, I join the masterminds, I hire the coaches, I dive head first into the deep waters of growth and development, personally and professionally, and I genuinely believe in the power of all of it; you know, the insight, the reflection, the frameworks, those aha moments. I'm always searching for that next layer of clarity, confidence or capacity that really helps me show up just a little more fully again, both in my business and my personal life. But here's the thing, sometimes growth becomes a disguise for avoidance, and sometimes our endless pursuit of self help becomes a sneaky form of self sabotage. But this doesn't happen all at once. It's truly subtle. It starts with good intentions, that desire to feel better, to be better, to do better. But somewhere along the way, we cross an invisible line. We start to measure ourselves against impossible standards. We feel like we're never doing enough. We become obsessed with optimization, constantly fixing, tweaking and adjusting. And here's where it gets dangerous, the very tools that were meant to help us really start to hurt us. We start to mistake self awareness for worth. We use perfectionism as protection. We keep working on ourselves so we can avoid actually showing up.
Molly 2:17
I want to walk through a few of the common traps that I see. These are in myself, in my clients, and in kind of the professional world at large. The first is perfectionism in disguise. We tell ourselves we're growing, but what we're actually doing is chasing an unattainable ideal. We think, if I just take one more course, I'll be ready, if I can fix this one flaw, then I'll be worthy. If I can keep refining this thing, it'll be perfect, and then I can release it. But here's the truth, perfectionism is not the prerequisite for progress. It's a moving target, and chasing it can lead to paralysis. The second trap is obsessing over self improvement. You can get to a point where you're constantly analyzing yourself. You're reading, journaling, processing, reflecting, and yet really doing nothing. It becomes exhausting and strangely demoralizing. It's like always being in beta. You're never showing up because there's always something else to fix first. But the real question is, what are we avoiding while we're endlessly evolving? The third trap is self care as avoidance. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good audio book and a mindless matching game on my phone, but when self care becomes a ritual we use to dodge hard conversations, difficult decisions or uncomfortable truths, it's not actually caring for the self. It's numbing. It's procrastination, and that's okay, as long as we're honest about it, because sometimes the kindest thing we can do is just face the thing head on. Number four is negative self talk disguised as reflection. Have you ever sat down to journal, and ended up writing three pages of reasons you're falling short? Yeah, same, reflection is healthy, but there's a point where it becomes a weapon. When you start using every shortcoming as proof that you're not enough, that's not reflection, that's rumination, and that voice, it's not truth, it's fear dressed up as logic. And finally, number five is losing sight of the bigger picture. When we're knee deep in self help books and business podcasts and morning routines and thought work, we can forget that life is happening right now, not in the next journal prompt, not after the next mindset shift, not when we finally feel ready. And while we're improving ourselves, we sometimes neglect the things that matter most, our people, our presence, our peace.
Molly 4:56
Now let's bring this into the workplace, because these same patterns show up professionally too. Perfectionism can lead to procrastination. High achievers often hold themselves to unrealistic standards. The pressure to perform leads to stress. Stress leads to avoidance. Avoidance leads to sabotage. 'I need this to become perfect' becomes I'll do this later, and then the guilt sets in. We also end up with fear of success. This sounds counterintuitive, but I see it often, especially in myself. Some people unconsciously fear success because success brings responsibility, it brings visibility, it brings change, it brings pressure to repeat or exceed. So we shrink, we slow down, we pull back right when things are starting to go well, and then we tell ourselves we just weren't ready. And here's a big one, imposter syndrome. Even when we're doing well, we feel like we don't belong, like we're faking it, like we're going to be found out. So we downplay wins, we avoid opportunities. We take ourselves out of the running before anyone else can. But here's the thing, imposter syndrome doesn't go away by working harder. It starts to heal when we let ourselves own what we've already earned. At the heart of all of this, it's usually not laziness, it's not a lack of ambition. It's fear, it's shame, it's a belief, often unconscious, that we are not enough, just as we are. We internalize messages from childhood, from schools, from jobs, from relationships, we hear we're too much or not enough, we're too loud. We're not qualified. And so we try to fix it. Fix ourselves, fix our business, fix our lives. But what if we're not broken? Through a 12 month series of self help solutions, I ended up with a two full page daily habits checklist. It had some amazing stuff on it, and was something that I used throughout the day to practice gratitude, to honor my body, to be of service, to celebrate wins, to visualize the fruition of future goals, to complete affirmations. It was intense and it worked until it didn't. And when it didn't, it sent me into a months-long spiral of shame as I really tried to claw myself back to it. Instead of recognizing that it had served its purpose in building habits and mindsets, I used the fact that I had not been able to get back to it and sustain the practice as evidence that I am hopelessly chaotic and will never actually attain my goals. What crap! Daily I prove the growth that I've made, but I'm so close to it that I can't see it. So instead, I move to the next thing, hoping it will stick and start the cycle again. So how do we break out of these cycles? And again, this is not from a pedestal, but from someone who's working with you. Because if you are like me and have ever caught yourself thinking, Why do I keep doing this? Or I know better, why am I still stuck? You're not broken. You're in a very human, very common pattern, and awareness is the first step.
Molly 8:29
Here are some of the deeper ways we begin to gently and intentionally break the cycle of self sabotage. We need to practice self compassion and practice it for real. This isn't just about being nice to yourself. It's about shifting your inner dialog from judgment to understanding. Ask yourself, would I speak to someone I love, the way I speak to myself? What unmet need is behind this behavior? Can I allow myself to be both growing and worthy right now? Still catching the moments when you shame yourself for falling short and instead meet them with curiosity. I didn't do the thing I said I would do today, and I wonder what got in the way and what support I might need to do it tomorrow. Self Compassion isn't passive. It's fuel. It keeps you in the game, when shame wants to pull you out. Next we need to set realistic and gentle goals. We're told to think big, and I love a bold vision, but big visions need to be broken into smaller, winnable steps, especially if you're recovering from perfectionism or burnout. When you set a goal, ask, Is this realistic, based on my current time, energy and capacity? What would success actually look like today? Not in a perfect world, but in this one? Where can I scale this down so I can build momentum? Instead of ‘I need to rewrite my whole website’, maybe the goal becomes ‘write a messy draft of my about page’. Then tomorrow you revise. The next day, you format. And by the end of the week, you're further than you thought you could be and without the meltdown. Small steps, frequent wins. That's how real growth works.
Molly 10:18
We need to balance our inner work with our outer action. And this one is big, especially for those of us who love to plan and reflect. Yes, do the journaling. Take the course, think it through, but then move. Don't wait to feel perfectly ready. Don't wait until the fear disappears. Action is often the only thing that shifts our mindset. So ask, what's the next tiny action I can take to move this forward? What could I try today? Even if it's imperfect. It could be replying to an email, it could be making a phone call, it could be hitting publish on something rough but real. That momentum will teach you more than any book ever could.
Molly 11:05
We need to challenge and replace old narratives. Most of us are walking around with outdated scripts running in the background. I'm not good with money. I'm too disorganized. I always give up. I'm not business minded. Those aren't facts. Those are stories, and you can rewrite them. Here is a simple practice, catch that thought, then question that thought, then replace that thought. For example, 'I never follow through', could become 'I sometimes struggle with consistency when I'm overwhelmed, but I have followed through on plenty of things before, and I can do it again, especially with support'. It's not about toxic positivity, it's about finding a more true and useful narrative to live from.
Molly 12:01
We also need to seek support and not just more content. If you're in a pattern of over consuming advice, but you're still feeling stuck, it might be time to shift from consumption to connection. Growth often requires being witnessed, whether that's by a coach, a therapist, a mastermind group or just a really good friend. Ask yourself, who in my life holds space for both my dreams and my doubts? Where can I bring the messy middle, not just the polished end result? Who can help me notice the patterns I can't see on my own? Support gives perspective, but it also gives accountability, and most importantly, it reminds you that you are not alone in this.
Molly 12:41
And finally, you need to celebrate small wins like they matter, because they do. This is one of the fastest ways to interrupt self sabotage. We often don't acknowledge progress unless it's big, dramatic and externally validated, but the brain needs proof that your effort is working, even if the reward is small. So build a practice of noticing. Say, 'I spoke up in that meeting, even though I was nervous', 'I sent that invoice, even though it's awkward for me'. 'I stopped myself mid spiral and chose a kinder thought'. Celebrate it. Write it down, say it out loud. Let yourself feel proud, even if it's just for 30 seconds. That pride builds the emotional muscle that keeps you moving forward.
Molly 13:28
If I could leave you with one thing, it would be this, you do not have to earn your worth through endless self improvement. You do not have to hustle for your healing. You can want to grow and still rest. You can hold yourself accountable without self punishment. You can chase big goals without abandoning yourself in the process. So if you've been in a cycle of consuming and perfecting and stalling and spiraling, you are not alone. You are human, and the cycle can shift, but it starts with compassion. It starts with choosing one small action and celebrating every step. That's not self sabotage, that's self leadership. If you're always chasing the next mountain, you're going to miss the view. So stop, reflect, and celebrate. Let it sink in that you're doing the hard things. You're growing, you're becoming, even if it's messy, even if it's slow, even if it's not what you pictured. Growth is beautiful, but it's also hard and layered and sometimes confusing. But if your pursuit of growth is starting to feel like a full time job or even worse, a prison, it might be time to step back and ask, Am I helping myself or hurting myself in the name of health? You are not a project. You are a person, and your worth is not measured by how many books you've read, certifications you hold, or goals you've crushed. Sometimes the most profound growth comes from not doing more, but from letting go.
Molly 15:02
I hope this episode met you where you are, reminded you that you're not alone, and maybe gave yourself permission to soften just a little, because I know I needed this reminder. Keep learning, keep living, and keep coming home to yourself, and thank you for hanging out with me today. We'd love to hear your feedback on today's episode, as well as any requests for future content. Drop a comment or suggestion and join us next time for more frank and holistic conversations on the basics of business. Please also like, subscribe, or follow so you never miss an episode, and until next time, I'm Molly Beyer, and this has been The Ambiguous &: Business Basics and Beyond. Have a wonderful day.