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In this shiur, Rav Dov Ber Cohen teaches during the Nine Days, drawing on the spiritual concept of ratzo v'shov, the soul's natural rhythm of expansion and contraction. Rather than treating low period
The Rabbi Dov Ber Cohen Podcast explores Jewish mindfulness, emotional mastery, relationships, and real inner avodah.
In each shiur, Rabbi Dov Ber shares practical Torah wisdom for navigating anxiety, deepening connection, strengthening emunah, and living with greater presence and purpose.
Rooted in Chassidic depth yet grounded in everyday life, these teachings are experiential, honest, and transformative.
If you’re seeking clarity without pressure, growth without guilt, and spirituality that actually changes how you live - this podcast is for you.
*Shalom*, we're in the nine days and Judaism says that the nine days are in some ways the darkest and most difficult days of the year. And because we are God-conscious people, we understand the immense spiritual potential therein. Oops, that's a nice way to put it, therein. Which means Judaism, we're not victims to darkness and difficulty. We feel it and we use it to shine. We shine, we shine in the darkness, that's what we do. So if you are a torch, a flashlight, we call it a torch in England, a flashlight, does the flashlight like the dark or not? Loves the dark! Loves the dark! It's useful! Because now I can do something, now I can shine. The flashlight hates midday outside in Israel, hates it. Actually, flashlight doesn't mind midday outside in London most of the year. But flashlights don't like, don't like light, flashlights love darkness. So you are a flashlight, you're a torch, you're a radiant, shining, beautiful, holy being of divine light, that's what you are, and you have to shine your light in the world. And the time we do it is all through the year and at all times. But when, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Who sang that? You know that song? When the going gets tough... no? I've heard it, I just don't remember. Maybe it was your parent who said it. Yeah, you'll understand when you get to my age, children. So fine, here we go. So Judaism says that life has ups and downs. Have you ever heard this idea before? Life has ups and downs. Now, when you go through downs in life, does that mean there's something wrong with you? No. Do most people when they go through downs in life feel that there's something wrong with them? Yes. But I'm the Rabbi, I have a beard, everything I say is true, so I'm telling you that when you go through downs in life, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It means that there are downs in life. Hooray! Hooray! And there are ups in life. So what we need to learn to do is appreciate the ups and shine in the downs. Appreciate the ups, appreciate, wow, this is amazing, I have ups, and over time what we want to do is shift the balance of ups and downs, because there're always going to be ups and downs, but we'd like there to be more consistent ups and fewer downs and less down downs. That we can do, we can do that, but there're always going to be ups and downs. Always be ups and downs, and that's okay. So you've got to ride the wave of life, that's what life is. So someone who's surfing, they're not upset that the wave goes up and down and curls, that's what I want, that's how you surf, that's how you go through life. I want to do that. When you go on a water slide, it's fun, water slides are fun because they're going down and they go whee and roller coasters. Roller coasters, you have the up... Oh! I just thought of an amazing thing. What is more fun on a roller coaster? The up or the down? The down! Whee! That was *Ruach HaKodesh*. That was straight from God, who would have ever thought of that, *Mashal*. So the up... I just, because in two weeks I'm going to be in Disneyland. Actually Wednesday, in under two weeks I'm going to be in Disneyland. And the roller coaster when it's going up, it's a bit, it's actually a bit exciting, but it's not, but it's like whoosh, you want the down. And then you want the round upside down. I love, I love roller coasters. Really? Yeah, I love roller coasters. You know what, maybe I'm going to make a video on the roller coaster. Life has ups and downs! Whoo! So life is a roller coaster. So there are some people who don't get on the roller coaster because they're too scared. That's me. There you go. So that's it, so people, some people aren't playing life, they're just, I'm not getting on the game of life, I'm too scared, I don't want it. Then there's some people who get on the roller coaster, they strengthen themselves and they're on the roller coaster but they don't enjoy it on the roller coaster. But they're like, well, I did it. I just want to say that I did it. I'm a martyr, I did it. And then there's the people who are like, let's keep going! I'm not even getting off, they have to kick you off. It's like, you know what, you've got to queue up again if you want. I'm like, no way! I'm on! Whee! Whoo! Up and down and difficult, and sometimes you get knocked around a bit and... So you've got to be a surfer, you've got to surf. You've got to learn to surf. You've got to learn to ride the wave. You've got to ride the roller coaster of life. Ups and downs. It's cool. It's called in Kabbalah, ratzo v'shov. Ratzo v'shov. And it's based on a pasuk where the navi, the prophet said that he saw the angels and they were ratzo v'shov. They were running and returning. They were going up and coming down, that's what they were doing. And the sages teach from this that the whole of life is this process of running and returning. Closeness and distance, closeness and distance, running and returning. And that's why everything in the world is an expression of a spiritual reality. And the essence of your life, literally the physical essence of your life is breath. And breath runs and returns. Breath comes in and goes out. It comes in and goes out. That is the essence of spirituality. We know that the word for breath, neshimah, connected to the word for soul, neshama. So life is this process of breathing in and breathing out. Breathing in and if that process finishes, you can't say, I just want to breathe in the whole time. Because that, breathing out, I feel less connected. Breathing in, I feel, but you can't do that. You need the breathing out in order to breathe in. And one day, you're going to breathe out and not breathe in again. And at that point, you will enter true life, the real life, because we don't believe in death obviously. Jews don't believe in death. We believe in the death of the body, but you're not a body, you're a soul, you're a neshama, your consciousness, your pure consciousness. So this even this whole world is a big roller coaster. It's a big wave. And we've got to play play play the game until we get to the beach. Shalom. Breathe in, breathe out. Yin and Yang. Up and down. Male and female. Light and dark. Left and right. The whole universe is opposites. The whole universe, before the universe was created, there were no opposites, because you can only have opposites once you have time and space. Once time and space are created, once space is created, you can have up and down and left and right and back and front. And once time is created, you can have before and after, fast and slow. So the universe is defined by opposites. That is what it is. It's defined by opposites, and it's called harmony. And we have a word for that in Judaism, and it's a very, very important word. And the word is shalom. Shalom is the coming together of opposites to create a greater whole. I just made that up, but I like that as well. That is what it is. Shalom bayis doesn't mean that they become the same. It means I'm fully me and you're fully you and we're working together. We said this yesterday, fire and water are opposites. Fire is hot and goes up, water is cold and goes down. That's why the word for heaven is shamayim, which is made up of the words eish and mayim. Thank you so much. Thank you. I felt that deserved a round of applause. I really did. Peace isn't when one person is taken over. So if we destroy all our enemies, is that called peace? No, that's called there's no war. It's not called peace. Peace is when we come together. So you want to have peace of mind as well. You want to have this ratzo v'shov, this running and returning. And be okay with that. So the Rebbe Nachman says you've got to be a baki b'ratzo and a baki b'shov. You've got to be an expert in expanding yourself. You've got to be an expert in feeling connected and feeling close and feeling uplifted and feeling inspired. You've got to be an expert. What do I need? And I'm not joking, it starts with self-care, self-nurture. You need a hot bath with lavender oil. You do. You might not know that, but you do. You need a hot bath with lavender oil. And you need to eat well and sleep well and exercise. You need that. It's very important for you. You can't have harmony and peace of mind if you're not physically well taken care of. You've got to look, self-nurture is very, very important. And you have, you need emotional balance. You need to be an emotionally balanced person. Not cut off from your emotions, not wallowing in your emotions. Experiencing your emotions and letting them flow through you. Flow. It's all about flow. Sometimes I feel good, sometimes, you've got to be a baki b'ratzo. You've got to be a, you've got to be an expert in expanding and shining your light in the world. You've got to be an expert in shining your, what's my light that I want to give to the world? And you've got to be... and you've got to be a baki b'shov, which means you gotta be an expert at being able to joyfully deal with not feeling self-expressed. You gotta be an expert. It doesn't mean you have to be an expert at feeling bad. Although if you—the words have to be chosen carefully. You should be an expert in feeling not connected, but that doesn't mean you should work on not feeling connected. It means you should know how to deal with the inevitable downs in life in an expert way. So I don't think a master is someone who never feels down. I think a master is someone who knows how to feel down in a healthy way. Yes, please. So some people say, you know what, how do I feel, how do I deal with being overemotional and feeling down? So I watch things and I shouldn't watch them and then I feel bad about myself afterwards. Or I eat the Ben & Jerry's and I feel bad afterwards. But I just don't know how to deal with it. Right. So there's something called moderation. It's a crazy idea. Moderation. So let's say I know that in order to feel better when I'm feeling down, I should meditate and exercise and have a positive affirmation and be okay with feeling sad and saying, I feel sad now and that's okay. I know I should do all those things, but I'm so worn down and I'm so triggered I just can't do them. And then I feel even worse about myself that I know what I'm meant to do in order to deal with this, but I'm so down I can't even do it. So then I eat my whole tub of Ben & Jerry's, feel good for a little bit, but then feel even worse and then watch whatever I'm watching and then feel worse. So Judaism says there's something called moderation. Moderation means have those things, but set a limit. So say, okay, I'm going to instead of watching whatever to escape for three hours, I'm going to do 20 minutes. I'm going to give myself that little—I'm going to give it, I'm going to throw that part of me a little bone, but not too much. In order to do that, you also need a mentor, someone who can help you, keep you to that accountability. I'm going to not have a whole tub of Ben & Jerry's, I'm going to have—it might be hard to do this—three spoons. It's hard with ice cream. One little—but whatever. The watching movies and stuff. So say I'm just going to watch a little bit. Or change the content. Change the content. So say, look, I have to look at a screen now for three hours. I'm so depressed, I can't deal with it. But instead of watching soap operas, which are the—oh gosh. You were doing that yesterday. It's so weird to me that people have—I'm not talking about you—but people have like messed up lives, so then they watch soap operas, which is looking at other people's messed up lives to—it just sounds like the most depressing thing ever. And then I've heard these people—not judging anyone—the other day talking about this soap opera, whatever it was, as if it's a real person. And they say, she must feel so, you know, how could she go through—it's like, she's an actress. But they're dealing—it's so—so what you could do is, instead of watching soap operas for three hours, I'm going to watch two hours. I'm going to watch a 20-minute TED Talk on something really interesting. Or nature documentaries. They're cool, I like nature stuff. Or I like survival stuff. I like people surviving in nature. No, that's for me. Nature, nature is always a good thing. Nature and something that actually helps you. So you are looking at a screen, you are forgetting your stuff, but it's actually helping you. I think we mentioned this before that many people, they go to a job they don't love because they're paying off for a degree that they're never going to use, but whatever, different class. So you're going to a job you don't love. And you're with people you don't necessarily like it so much. So then you're so worn out when you come home. So I'd say you've got to go to the gym, do yoga, do good stuff, but you're too worn out to do that. So you just go and watch whatever for three hours, and then you kind of fall asleep not feeling great about yourself. And you wake up the next day, same dead-end job, paying for the degree that you didn't enjoy and you're never going to use. Why are you doing that? What you need to do is go to your terrible job with your horrible people. But then come home and say, I'm going to give myself one hour of watching repeats of Friends. But then I'm going to do a 30-minute online yoga thing. Because what will happen is, when you have your downtime and it's more meaningful, that actually starts shifting you as a person. So the person who's going to the same job you don't like the next morning is a slightly more conscious person and can either appreciate the job more or have the strength to leave the job. So if you're down—you should have downtime, but make your downtime— Meaningful downtime changes you as a person and then you're not going to need downtime anymore. What most many people in life are doing, they're pushing pushing pushing pushing pushing crashing and then they crash and then push and crash, push and crash. Not healthy. In their lives, in their work lives, in their whatever they're doing. And then that's why people are doing drugs, so I'm gonna have a big high and then I'm gonna crash. People are rather than consistent peaceful conscious growth and movement. What do I need to be living? Just that's why I really said that you have to have self-nurture. You should look after yourself to be doing the right things, but we admit that we're human and it's difficult and we're going to crash sometimes. But we want to do things in moderation. So when you watch one episode of Friends with your half a tub of Ben & Jerry's, that can give you the pleasure. We spoke about this in a previous class that there's something called Oneg which is a very deep spiritual thing. It can give you the pleasure which gives you the vitality to just pull you out of that a little bit to then do the yoga. But if you over-indulge in that, you're just going to waste all that time. But if you use it just to give you a bit of a something then now I've got energy, now do some. You definitely make a good point about having a plan. You're going to have to- what I always say, you need three things to be able to shift. Number one, first- well, you need a clear goal. If you really want to make a shift in your life, you need A: a very, very clear goal. What is it that I want to achieve? What is it that I want to achieve? But then you do Hitbonenut which means contemplation. Imagine how much happier and better your life will be. Imagine and really sit there and it's called Koach HaDimyon. Imagine wow, I'll be a much happier, healthier person and really see the benefit. Most people do the opposite which doesn't work, which is negative reinforcement. I'm going to mess- if I don't do this, I'm going to just be a loser. It is not empowering. So people say I'm going to work for my exam because I'll be a failure if I don't, so you're not a healthy person. I say I'm going to work for my exam because I can't wait to succeed. So you've got to make sure that all of your incentivization, is that a word? Incentivization, whatever. It is. I make up words. I'm good at that. That's why I always win at Scrabble because I make up words. You've got to incentivize yourself with positive incentives, not with if I don't do this, I'm not going to. No, say if I do this then I'll. Now, what's the greatest incentive you can have? I'll feel good about myself. That's it. When I do what I want to do so I'm living the life I want to live, I feel good and when I don't, I feel bad. That's the real positive. So once I've got a very, very clear vision of my goal that I really want it, I start yearning for it. I want it. Because once you want something enough, you put the effort in to get it. If you want it, then you'll put- but you've got to make yourself want to want it. And how do I want to want it? I'll just feel better about myself. Then you need three things. Number one, a chart. I don't believe you can grow without a chart. What does that mean? Literally the most simple thing in the world: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and then down the side small things that you want to do. Three minutes of meditation using the Kavana app, K-A-V-A-N-A. It's a very good Jewish mindfulness app. You don't need Headspace anymore or Insight Timer, because you have Kavana app, K-A-V-A-N-A. Three minutes a day. I'm going to- don't put on your thing I'm going to go to the gym for two hours a day having never been to the gym before. Don't do that. Say I'm going to do 10 push-ups three times a week. Your goals also have to be ridiculously small. You need RSG: Ridiculously Small Goals. Americans like acronyms, I've put everything in acronyms now for you guys. Ridiculously small goals and then it feels good when you achieve them, right? So the first thing: you need a chart. Have a chart. Three minutes of meditation, no social media after 10 PM maybe, and don't check my phone before I've done at least two minutes of stretching and one minute of gratitude. Something like that. Give yourself very small- but imagine you consistently did those, you'd feel- and call my mom. I'm literally, I'm not joking. Small things that you know if you actually did those things, in three months from now, you'll be a better person. You'll be a happier and a better person. And you put- so you don't have to get 100% on your chart, aim for 70%. So I want to do three minutes of meditation a day and Sunday I didn't, Monday I didn't, but I see on my chart now. no pressure and guilt and fear the other way around. I see on my chart two days I didn't, I'm never going to go a three-day streak without doing that thing. So definitely whatever happens, the next day I'm going to do that. It's a chart is very important. You can put it on your phone. You need a chart. A business person has a whole Excel spreadsheet. You can't have a good business if you don't have it all down. If you want to live a good life, but a very gentle not pressure... If your chart becomes this pressure and guilt thing, then that's not healthy. So you have to see it as your friend, this chart is my friend. I can just see, I can see that I'm doing what I want to do. Second thing you need is a chevruta, a mentor, someone, an accountability partner. Someone who could just check in on you. I've got whatever, I've got students who send me a thumbs up every day. I got up before 7:30, whatever, I get a thumbs up. So if I don't get a thumbs up and I see them at Yeshiva, I'll just check in, how are you doing? Were you sick this morning? I don't come and pressure them, but having to send me a thumbs up in a way is another incentive to get out of bed, they feel good about themselves. And the third thing is the positive incentive. If I do my three minutes of meditation every day for three weeks, then I'll get myself the pair of shoes that I want. So I really want that new pair of shoes. I really want that Ben & Jerry's. I really want the whatever. I really want to watch that thing that I'm allowed to watch. So I'm going to say I'm only going to give myself that reward if I do what I want to do. So then it's a win-win situation because what's actually better than the reward is the actual reward of having done the things you want to do and now you're living a better life. So you're being driven by that new pair of shoes, but that new pair of shoes is driving you to do the actual things that are... One of my daughters, about four, five, she was like, Abba, I want ice cream. Or I said, who wants ice cream? And she was like, yeah! And I said, okay, so you have to eat your chicken. If you want your ice cream, you have to eat your chicken. And she was like, but Abba, I want ice cream. And I said, I know you want ice cream, but in order to have ice cream, you've got to eat your chicken. Now, what's actually better for her, ice cream or chicken? Chicken's better for her. And then she suddenly, my daughter's amazing. So we went back and forth a little bit and I wasn't budging because it's not good for her. I said you've got to eat your chicken and then she looked at me and she was like, chicken! Chicken! I love my chicken! Now, she didn't realize that she was benefiting a lot more from the chicken than ice cream, but I used the ice cream to get her the... So you're using your show, I'm not going to watch the show I like unless I've done my meditation today. So your show that you... so you think the reward is the show, but it's not really because the meditation is giving you what you really need. Yes. Fine. So if you feel downs in your life, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. And it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with life, and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with Judaism or Hashem or Torah. It's nothing wrong, that's how it is. You cannot always feel connected. It just doesn't work. And there's a reason for that, because if you always feel connected, you're not actually growing. תענוג תמידי אינו תענוג. Consistent pleasure ends up not being pleasure. It's just that's my life now. So you have to keep growing. So if you never feel the lack, then there's no yearning, then there's no growth. There's no... I'm not getting anywhere. So this is what really this time of year is about, the Nine Days, Tisha B'Av. That you can walk around being all depressed, although we're not to be honest. But let's say, we're all depressed the Temple's destroyed. But that's not the purpose of it. What you should be walking around is yearning. I'm yearning, I'm yearning. I feel a lack. Is feeling a lack a bad thing? Is lack a bad thing? How do I know it's not a bad thing? Because I make a blessing thanking Hashem for it several times a day. ברוך אתה ה' אלקינו מלך העולם בורא נפשות רבות וחסרונן על כל מה שבראת להחיות בהם נפש כל חי ברוך חי העולמים. Who created many beings, souls, with their lackings, v'chesronan. Thanks for the lackings, Hashem. Why? Why? Why? Because then I can grow, then I can yearn, then I can become great, and I can deal with life in a healthier way. So I want, I want a lack. In fact, they say that the punishment of the snake was that he's going to crawl on the ground and his food will always be available. He's going to eat the dust of the earth. So that's not a punishment, that's great! I want my food all the time! I have sushi all the time! But it says because if you're not lacking, then there's no relationship. No relationship, there's no growth, there's no yearning, there's no... So we actually, we don't ask for lack, but we embrace it when it comes. We embrace the darkness, we embrace... Yes please. So how does that jive with that Pirkei Avot saying that he is rich, the one who is satisfied with what they have? Beautiful. Exactly, that’s exactly how it ties in. It says, who is rich? איזהו עשיר השמח בחלקו. The person who appreciates everything they have, they’re happy with it. But it doesn’t mean they’re not ambitious. It means I’d like to grow, but I’m not needing it, I’m not relying on it, I’m not intense about it, I’m not pressured about it. It’s like I’m proud of who I am now and I’m going to keep going because maybe if I was the same person I was now in a year from now, I’d feel less proud of myself. So growth is part of the journey, but it’s like someone who’s climbing a mountain who would only feel good when they’re at the top of the mountain. So that’s not healthy. What you do is you climb a mountain and then you stop along the way and you appreciate how far you’ve come and you appreciate the view and you feel like, you know what, if I stopped here, I’d feel I did well. But I still want to go further up the mountain. The other answer usually given for that mishna is that you should feel sameach bechelko, you should be happy with your lot in terms of material stuff, but not spiritual stuff. You should always be yearning and growing spiritually. So that mishna is only talking about I have enough material stuff taken care of. The deeper sefarim say that actually it means sameach bechelko. It says that your soul is חלק אלוה ממעל ממש, which means your soul is a chelek, it’s an expression of Hashem. So you should be sameach bechelko, you should be happy because you’ve got a soul. What’s not to be happy? You should be happy that you’re a Jew, that’s amazing. Happy that you got the Torah. That even if you have nothing externally, you should just be happy, your neshama is happy. So you should be sameach bechelko. Where does true happiness come from? It doesn’t even come from external things. It comes from your soul. Your soul is naturally happy, so that’s how you can be sameach. And then I had this chap. I think it’s true, I’m sure someone said it before me. Sameach bechelko could be translated as you’re happy with their lot. It doesn’t say איזהו עשיר השמח בחלקי. Who is the rich person? They’re happy with my lot. No, sameach bechelko. I’m happy with your lot, which means not only am I not jealous of you, I’m happy you have it. That’s a very high level, by the way. Good luck getting there. But you’re truly, actually deeply happy for someone else getting especially if it’s what you want. If they got what you wanted. So that’s a very, very high level. Now, how do you get to that level? By being sameach bechelko. If I’m happy with my lot and I’m satisfied and I have appreciation and histapkut. Histapkut means enoughness, I’m just chill, then it’s much easier for me to be happy for other people. If I’m happy with what I have, then I’m not jealous of what you have because I have what I have, I’m happy with what I have, so I’m happy that you have that because I want everyone to be happy. And once you realize that the Jewish people are all one soul, then everything good that happens to you is actually happening to me. It’s happening to me. Yes. Why if it’s the opposite and you feel bad that you have more than others? Why should you feel bad that you have more than others? I’ll tell you why you should feel bad about anything. Because you did something wrong. If you were born into a privileged home and you have more than other people, why should you feel bad about yourself? What you are really expressing is and you’re just confusing the emotions responsibility. If you have more than others, you shouldn’t feel guilty, but you should feel responsible. I have privilege and therefore I feel responsible to help other people. That’s empowering. Feeling bad, firstly, feeling bad is just not a valid emotion because you didn't do anything wrong. So you should only feel bad if you stole the money, you should feel bad. But let’s say you were just born into a very privileged home, you shouldn’t feel guilty and bad about that, not your fault. But yes, you should feel responsible to use your privilege to help other people. And if you don’t feel responsible to use your privilege to help other people, then you can feel bad about yourself because then you did something wrong. Where did I learn this? Sorry, very quickly. I used to run trips to orphanages. I used to work in India and Sri Lanka and Thailand. And afterwards the groups would get together, young professionals in America, and they’d often say, I’d say, let’s process that experience, they’d often say, I feel guilty that I grew up with such privilege now that I’ve seen these kids with nothing. And I gave them this lesson. I said, you shouldn’t feel guilty, you didn’t do anything wrong, but you should feel responsible. And the whole purpose of the trip was to get privileged people to feel responsible. And if they didn't, then they should feel guilty and eat Ben & Jerry's to make themselves feel. Yes. What about survivors' guilt? Yes, also doesn't make any sense. Survivors' guilt makes no sense. You didn't do anything wrong. If you pushed the other person in front of the gun, then you can have survivors' guilt. But what did the survivor do wrong? The survivor in fact went through the same terrible trauma. So I understand there's something called survivors' guilt, I'm just showing that and you don't say to someone with survivors' guilt, you're wrong, obviously, but you do start teaching them what are you guilty of. What did you do wrong? Guilt means I did something wrong. What did the survivor do wrong? In fact, survivors' guilt is the biggest yetzer hara because it crushes you and you don't live a good life and therefore you should feel guilty. Oh. A survivor who doesn't then live an amazing life because they got a second chance at life, then they should feel guilty for not living a great life. Kind of. I wouldn't say that to them necessarily until they process the trauma, but really. If you survived that situation, you have a duty and a responsibility to live an amazing life, because they didn't get to live an amazing life, you're the one who did. So it's the same thing, it's not guilt, it's responsibility. They may, wow, I've got to make a whole seminar about this now. People confuse guilt and responsibility. You should feel responsibility, but instead of feeling responsibility, you feel guilt which is completely disempowering, and then you should feel guilty. Rather I take responsibility now that I've survived, I'm taking responsibility to live an amazing life in their honor, by the way. How about that? In their honor, for their sake, because they didn't survive and I did survive, I'm going to do mitzvot for them. I'm going to bear them in mind, I'm going to live a... and that's what I... I don't feel guilty, I actually taught this group the other day, you know, you go to Nova a lot and Be'eri and whatever. And I said, I'm going to say something but I don't want you to feel guilty. I want you to feel responsible. Hundreds and hundreds of 19 to 28-year-old guys have died in Gaza, fighting for you to be able to be in Israel and be a Jew. Should I feel guilty about that, by the way? No. Yeah, I don't feel guilty that they died in Gaza. Fine. And then I said, so these people now, they're on a very, very, very high spiritual level. They're in heaven. They died fighting for the Jewish people, al kiddush Hashem. They're on a very, very high level. But they're looking down at me and they're saying, was it worth dying for Dovber? Now I don't feel guilt and shame like that, I just feel inspired, I'm motivated. So he's sitting there, 19-year-old kid died for the land of Israel, Jewish people, Am Yisrael. He looks down and says, okay Dovber, what are you doing with your life? Was it worth it? And it's like, oh my goodness, you're watching sitcoms and soap operas and smoking weed? Just like, come on. Really. But I don't feel guilty, I just feel empowered. I feel the opposite. Because he lived... he died a meaningful death, I'm going to live a meaningful life. He died a hero's death, I'm going to live a hero's life, in his honor, by the way. And I'll say, and I'm doing this for this person. This thing I'm doing is for you. That's amazing. So I don't feel guilty, I feel responsible. כי עובד השם יודע מה מרגיש. That was... you know what? Whenever my introductions take up the whole class. What would you even call this class? Do you have a class title? What did we even... I don't even know what we spoke about. What would you call it? I think the vast majority of it has been relationship with self. Okay, but all my classes... No, but a lot of classes are relationship with God, relationship with other people. I think you've had an emphasis on relationship with self. Really? Doesn't even have to be religious. Yeah, most of my classes are not that religious actually. I'm being serious. A lot of my classes. I'll just put it in AI, it will come up with a title. Or maybe it will just blast AI. Maybe I'm going to take down AI because I'll say give a title and AI won't be able to deal with that. It'll be like, what a title. Anyway, so what I was going to talk about today and we're going to have to do it tomorrow instead, Sunday maybe, is this idea of smallness, katnut, katnut, katnut. It's a very, very, very, very, very, very important part of your life and it literally means smallness. It means smallness. There's something called gadlut which means greatness and bigness and expansion. And there's something called smallness, which is katnut, but on a spiritual level, katnut and gadlut... gadlut really means expanded awareness, expanded awareness and connection, ratzo. Ratzo being connection, and katnut is those times in your life where you're not, it's just not going. I'm kind of davening Mincha but no, I don't want to, or I'm not feeling it, I'm just not feeling good, it's katnut. It's basically when it's taken away. It's taken the inspiration and the connection's taken away, katnut. So the sages say that that is the real spiritual work. The spiritual work of being feeling very connected to Hashem is really amazing, feels... It is, it's good, but the real spiritual work comes at the time of katness. When I'm not feeling good, do I still show up? Do I still show up besimcha? Can I feel disconnected but still be joyful? As we said, משנכנס אב ממעטין בשמחה, when Ad comes in, you you do things less. M'maatin, you do things less, you eat less, you sleep less, you wash less, besimcha, but you still do it besimcha. You do things less but still joyfully. Everything we do, we're doing it joyfully. כל עובד השם יודע ומרגיש שישנם ימים מאירים שבהם הוא מצליח בעבודתו. Everyone knows who's on any sort of spiritual journey, and maybe even not a religious one, just any journey, that there are some days that you feel alive and enlightened and awake. When I used to do these 10-day silent meditation retreats, the first 10-day silent meditation retreat I did, on the first day, it felt pretty good. I was sitting there in this temple in Thailand and I was like, this is relaxing. And on the second day, I just I wanted to kill myself. I was like, I need to run away. I don't know if you've ever spent 10 days not speaking, not reading, writing, listening to music, screens, for no distraction. You 10 days of no distraction. Now, you must understand, most people don't have 10 seconds of no distraction. Not in the bathroom, not in the maybe in the shower. Maybe probably. But your phone's still at in an arms reach. Nowadays in the shower they have the soap dish and the phone thing. I just made that up. So so after that I was like I and after like four days I was like I'm enlightened, I'm actually enlightened now. And then on fifth day I wanted to kill myself again. On the sixth day I was like this is okay the it was a whole rollercoaster. It was a journey, sometimes it feels great, sometimes and the great feels great, especially when the low when the low feels low. Hashem. Did you guys hear that as well? Sometimes I just hear what? So sometimes I feel alive. Sometimes I don't feel Unfortunately nowadays there are lots of people who very, very rarely feel alive because their soul has been sucked into their phone. So they're very, very rare and also because their negative critical mind is so working overtime that they're putting themselves down so much that it's hard to feel uplifted when you're pushing yourself down. You're not going to be uplifted by pushing yourself down and that's what people are doing a lot. So we need to clear space in the mind. Clear space in your mind. Tap into the blue sky beyond the clouds. Umargish kirvat Elokim, sometimes I feel very close to Hashem and my learning and my everything's just going well. אבל ישנן ימים וזמנים קשים יותר. There are times in our life that are difficult and they're challenging שבהם אין לו חשק. I don't have any I don't even want to, I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to pray. I just don't want to do it. I just can't be bothered. I just I don't want to I can't be bothered. I don't want to go to the gym, I don't want to do anything. והוא לא מצליח להרגיש כרצונו. And even if you do it, I'm not really feeling it, I'm just doing it resentfully, I'm just going through the motions. I'm doing what I have to do, what I'm meant to do, what I what I should do, what I'm supposed to do, but I'm not doing what I want to do. And it comes to a point in many people's life where they don't even want to do anything, they just like I have no ratzon, I have no cheshek, I have no vitality anymore. והם נקראים ימי הקטנות. And those days are called the days of smallness, constriction. I'm constrict I'm very constricted, I'm not expanded. You gotta expand, your soul wants to expand. So people aren't feeling expanded. Shalom, you can come in because I'm you can certainly come in because I'm going out so there'll be a place for you to sit. You can sit on this chair and there's a chair here. Okay, what's going on? Sorry, I know you. I follow you on Instagram. Okay, Baruch Hashem. Does that mean you know me? To be fair. I spoke to a big Instagram person. They had a million million followers on whatever, Tik Toker, and she said to me, you know, life's very difficult because some people are like I hate you, some people are like I love you. Right. And I said to her, I'll tell you the truth. The people who say they hate you, they don't actually hate you. They don't know you. They're just angry people. And the people who say they love you, they don't love you. They just think you're good looking. Right. Right. So whenever someone says they love me, I know it's just because I'm good looking. It's meaningless. Yes. So life can be challenging sometimes, but we face our challenges as opportunities to become great, to shine our light. Yes please. Are you reading from? I'm reading from B'yam Darkecha. It's a book about conscious spiritual growth. Although I have only read one line and the class has now come to an end, but anyone who comes to any of my classes realizes that that's how it goes around here. Yes on Sunday we will continue if you can't come to it everything goes up on Spotify, YouTube, whatever it is. There's another class don't worry and the second one's better. I'm just the warm-up act. How many days after class do they go up? It usually goes a couple of days but we're very far behind at the moment because whatever. But we catch we got a new guy. There's a new guy from yesterday he's now starting to we're catching up. Rabbi Dov Ber dot org, everything's there. Rabbi Dov Ber dot org. Upcoming Chagim Chabura by the way, I'm going to be doing a six-week Jewish mindfulness online course to prepare for Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Sukkot, but in a joyful, conscious I'm going to do teshuva but in a beautiful, loving way. Sunday night every from Elul, the avodah of Elul, Rosh Hashana, every Sunday night there's a live class and then there's a WhatsApp group and there's guided meditations and there's little things you have to do and it's going to make sure that your high holy days are the highest and the holiest high holy days of your life. Bezrat Hashem. Rabbi Dov Ber dot org. I've learned to start saying these things on my classes I'll just tell you quickly why. I got a message I think I told you I'll just tell you again quickly I just got a message on Gmail. Rabbi Dov Ber you don't know me blah blah blah I'm religious now thank you. I was listening to one of your classes and you said you're going to LA and you're going to Disneyland and you said in your class jokingly if anyone can get you a promo code to get into Disneyland because it's like a thousand dollars reach out. And I was listening to your class I listen to all your classes love your classes so it happens that my family we're members of Club 33. I didn't know what it was at the time I looked it up but it's some VIP Disneyland club and they get lots of free tickets for guests and she said we're going to send you free tickets. So if anyone would like to sponsor me. Thank you that family. Bezrat Hashem so we're going to be talking about unless you need books sent to the US. Oh thank you yes if anyone's going to if anyone's going to Queens or Great Neck in the next two weeks. It's not two weeks but I'm from Great Neck. When are you going home? Before August the 6th? August 4th. Yes! See you're good it's good I get credit. I need them on August the 6th. I'm giving a class. What do you need? My books. I need to take a suitcase of my books. I'll pay for it. We can talk later. You look you look ripped use those muscles for something. Carry my books. 23 kilograms nothing. And then you can come to I'll give you a free book. Yeah? Yeah. Three books. There you go wow there you go. You've got to start saying and anyone who wants to sponsor the shiurim, Rabbi Dov Ber dot org. Can I take a picture with you? Am I allowed? She said my daughter became religious because of you. Oh okay. You can take a picture with me. A picture? Yeah. Or a screenshot from Instagram.