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Adaptive Humans™ is the podcast for real talk and intentional growth. Hosted by Jami de Lou, each episode blends meaningful stories with practical tools you can use in your next meeting, tough conversation, or high-pressure moment—and just as easily in everyday life. Together, we’ll explore how to work with emotions instead of against them, bridge differences with respect, and steady ourselves when stress runs high. With signature segments like Beyond the Bio, Brave Enough Moment, and Just Be Reset, this podcast invites you to practice adaptability in the moments that matter most.
Part I, When Cultures Collide: The Cost of Downplaying Differences
Jami De Lou (00:08)
Welcome back to Adaptive Humans, the podcast for real talk and intentional growth. I’m your host, Jami de Lou.
If you were with us last week, we explored the Q4 storms many of us face. Today, we’re diving into what really happens when cultures collide at work and in life. And I don’t just mean company culture or industry jargon. I mean the deeper cultural norms we carry—shaped by our backgrounds, ethnicity, nationality, and families.
These norms show up in microcultures within workplaces—teams, functions, and departments. Too often we expect people to adapt to whatever the majority culture is in a given situation. When we don’t name those influences, we risk misreading one another. What looks like inefficiency, disrespect, or disengagement is often something else entirely.
That’s where the anchors of this podcast—emotional intelligence, cultural intelligence, and nervous system regulation—come in.
Most of us have been socialized to focus on sameness and downplay differences. But minimization comes at a cost. Now more than ever, we need the skills to understand and adapt across differences.
And a quick note: when I talk about adapting, I don’t mean tolerating racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, or any other -isms. This is about building the collaboration, innovation, and belonging we need—from classrooms to boardrooms and beyond.
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Beyond the Bio
This topic matters deeply to me because of my upbringing and my multicultural family and community.
I grew up in very different cultural contexts. My mom was a free-spirited hippie who led with openness and love. Other influences taught me to people-please, stay hyper-independent, and hyper-vigilant. Elders who helped raise me taught me to honor their cultural norms and rules.
From my best friend’s Black mother who made sure we went to church on Sundays, to Latino parents whose traditions shaped my weekends, I learned early that context shapes what’s considered respectful, competent, or “the right way.”
Even small things, like whether a child responds with “yes, ma’am” or just “yeah,” carried big meaning. These micro examples show how communication, tone, and behavior are layered with cultural expectations.
I know what it feels like to be misread—or to have to translate myself depending on the room I’m in. I also recognize the privilege I carry as a white woman and how that shapes assumptions, both about me and by me. But my lived experience gave me the gift of seeing situations through multiple lenses, which informs how I coach and lead.
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Cultural Collisions at Work
I once worked with two leaders in conflict. One pushed for quick decisions, while the other wanted more discussion. On the surface, one looked reckless and the other stubborn. Underneath, it was cultural: for one, speed meant competence; for the other, deliberation meant respect. Neither was wrong—they were simply working from different cultural codes.
As a licensed practitioner in the Intercultural Development Inventory (IDI), I know one of the most common places leaders get stuck is minimization—downplaying differences to focus on sameness. While it may feel like a way to find common ground, it actually flattens real differences.
Silence gets mistaken for disengagement. “Yes” gets mistaken for full agreement. Direct feedback might be called rude; indirect feedback, evasive. Minimization erodes trust, clarity, and connection.
This is why developing cultural intelligence—your CQ—is vital. CQ helps you move from minimizing to bridging. It equips you to regulate reactions, lean into curiosity, and navigate conflict in ways that build belonging and innovation.
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Brave Enough Moment
Even with my training, I’ve missed the mark. I remember working at a professional services firm, where partners hold enormous power over budgets, projects, and jobs. My role often meant intervening when communication broke down.
But in those high-stakes moments, my fear of authority dysregulated my nervous system. I defaulted to appeasing power rather than staying curious.
Over time, I shifted. I started asking, “I may have misread this—can you tell me more about how you approach decisions?” or “Help me understand how accountability shows up for you.” These questions created dialogue, not defensiveness.
Generationally, we see the same patterns. Gen Z is being criticized today in ways Millennials once were. But Gen Z entered the workforce after a pandemic that shaped their learning and social experiences. As a Gen Xer, I often find myself bridging across generations, which has taught me to adapt in new ways.
So here’s my question for you: Where might you be minimizing in your leadership, teams, or life? What could shift if you chose curiosity instead of assumption?
That’s the Brave Enough Moment: admitting we don’t see the full picture and choosing to ask instead of assume.
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Just Be Reset
For today’s reset, I call this the Cultural Reframe—four simple steps:
1. Pause – Notice the discomfort.
2. Breathe – Shoulders down, inhale, exhale, regulate before you react.
3. Name the Assumption – What story are you telling yourself?
4. Reframe with Curiosity – Ask a bridge question: “I don’t want to assume—can you share what’s most important to you in this decision?”
Let’s try it together: inhale through the nose… exhale slowly. Picture a recent frustration. Imagine pausing and asking with curiosity instead of reacting.
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Takeaway
When cultures collide at work, it’s not about difficult people. It’s about unseen cultural codes. Minimization makes us miss. Naming and bridging differences helps us gain trust, clarity, and connection.
So this week, notice one place you may be minimizing. Try a cultural reframe instead of reacting in the moment. And let me know—when did you realize the clash was actually cultural, and what shifted once you named it?
Remember: I am brave. I am enough. I am brave enough—and so are you.
This is Adaptive Humans: real talk, intentional growth.