Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs

Today we’re cracking the spine of Karen’s newest book, Survival Guide to Motherhood. Karen shares insightful excerpts from the opening chapters, exploring the ideas that kids develop like Crock-Pots, joy is a choice, and moms are the CEOs of their homes. Grab your copy of Survival Guide today. Check the show notes for the link.

Episode Recap:
3:17 Survival Guide to Motherhood is available for pre-order
9:58 Process of recording the audiobook version
13:25 Moms all want to “get it right” and we all want someone to walk alongside us
16:43 Kids are like Crock-Pots
21:19 Joy is a choice
24:20 Moms, you are the boss of your home
26:25 You’re not in control (God is!) but you can control the atmosphere in your home

Questions for Discussion:
  1. Reflecting on Karen's analogy that kids are like crock pots, how have you seen your child's growth and maturity reflect the concept that progress takes time, much like a slow-cooked meal? Is there something going on right now with a child where you are finding it hard to be patient with their slow maturation process? 
  2. Is it easy for you to “choose joy” in your day to day situation right now? Can you share a time when choosing joy made a difference in your approach to a difficult situation with your children or spouse?
  3. In what ways do you see yourself as the "boss" of your home, and how does this influence your daily decision-making?
  4. Can you share an example of a time when taking charge in your household led to a positive outcome for your family?

Resources:

Creators & Guests

EK
Host
Emily Korosec
Co-host of the Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs podcast.
Host
Karen Stubbs
Host of Wire Talk and Founder of Birds on a Wire Moms - a ministry to encourage and equip moms.
Producer
Katie Leipprandt
Producer of the Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs podcast.
Editor
Podcircle
Premium podcast services for businesses and organizations. Visit Podcircle.com to learn more.

What is Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs?

Wire Talk was created to encourage and equip moms throughout the challenging and life-changing journey of motherhood. Each week on Wire Talk Karen Stubbs offers godly, practical advice on the topics every mother has questions about: mom guilt, our children’s faith, potty-training, divorce, our teenagers dating, and more!

Karen Stubbs:

Take charge of your home. You're not in control. God is in control, but you can control the atmosphere of your home. You can control the tone of your home. You know, I always wanted a warm, loving home that people were always welcome in.

Karen Stubbs:

I always wanted y'all to be kind and gentle, you know. And I would stop and say, hey, let's try that again. Talk to your sister or brother in a nice way. Mhmm.

Emily Korosec:

And

Karen Stubbs:

so I was setting the tone of my home and in charge of my home because I didn't want my home to be chaos. It may have been messy.

Emily Korosec:

Yeah.

Karen Stubbs:

But I didn't want it to be like a place of, you know, all the time. Yeah.

Emily Korosec:

So I

Karen Stubbs:

was in charge of that.

Emily Korosec:

Yes. Welcome to Wire Talk where we encourage and equip moms by answering practical questions about motherhood. We want to help instill God's truth in your heart so you can experience more joy and peace on your journey of motherhood. Are you ready for some truth? Let's dive in.

Emily Korosec:

Well, hello, friends, and welcome to WireTalk. I'm your host, Emily, and I'm so glad you're here with us today. It is the beginning of July. Mom and I are going to be talking about some really exciting things. Oh, I thought you were

Karen Stubbs:

gonna talk about our shirts.

Emily Korosec:

I am gonna talk about our shirts.

Karen Stubbs:

Oh, okay.

Emily Korosec:

You're jumping in on my shirts.

Karen Stubbs:

I jumped always, always,

Emily Korosec:

always, always. Mom that gotta let me host.

Karen Stubbs:

Okay? I am sorry.

Emily Korosec:

You come with the content. I come with the schedule. Okay? There you go. But anyways, we've got some exciting things coming up on our podcast and, but it's July 4th week.

Emily Korosec:

Yes. It is. So we are representing everybody

Karen Stubbs:

USA. USA. And if y'all just listen to the podcast, they'll have to go to YouTube to see us. Our cute little shirts.

Emily Korosec:

Little shirts. They're matching. Hello. Also, this is the year of the Olympics.

Karen Stubbs:

That's oh, and somebody in the room loves. Guys,

Emily Korosec:

I love the Olympics. You always have. I just love it. I just think that something about everyone cheering for the same team, and it's just like our whole country can come together. I just think it's amazing.

Karen Stubbs:

What's your favorite sport?

Emily Korosec:

Oh, I mean, honestly, I don't know. Like, I love gymnastics, of course, because that's always a top topic. But, honestly, I I just like the back stories of all of the athletes. Summer Olympics, came out, there is this swimmer from Alaska. And he came out, and it was just so cool because, like, the whole town of Alaska, whatever town it was, they were cheering him on and he had to go different places to swim.

Emily Korosec:

And I just, I think it's so cool. Yeah. It is cool. And I just like hearing the stories of, you know, with everyone.

Karen Stubbs:

Sacrifice, their dedication, what the families have gone through to get their their, you know, athletes there. It's amazing. Yeah.

Emily Korosec:

I mean, I love the equestrian events. I always love watching the hunter jumpers. Like, amaze like, those those jumpers are amazing and, oh, it's just so cool. I mean, honestly, I will watch it all. You will.

Emily Korosec:

She will.

Karen Stubbs:

That's no joke. I'll call her. Bored

Emily Korosec:

on, like, what do

Karen Stubbs:

you I'll get

Emily Korosec:

a little bored on, like, the mile race, like, the running races. Because I'm, like, alright. But I do love it all.

Karen Stubbs:

Yeah. You did call me, and you're, like, what

Emily Korosec:

are you doing? Who watch the Olympics? Olympics?

Karen Stubbs:

I know. I

Emily Korosec:

have it downloaded on my phone. I'm ready to go. So

Karen Stubbs:

She's downloaded it on her phone. That is hilarious. I know. I know what I know what that is. You knew

Emily Korosec:

what I was talking about. But what else is coming on at the end of July, mom? Oh, gosh. Guys. Something very exciting.

Karen Stubbs:

In my new book, The Survival Guide to Motherhood. I don't know if y'all

Emily Korosec:

can see it.

Karen Stubbs:

Let's see. Can you see it?

Emily Korosec:

Not really. Well, that's okay. We'll get in.

Karen Stubbs:

But it's super cute.

Emily Korosec:

Oh, it's adorable.

Karen Stubbs:

I love this book. So there's a little story behind this book. Give us a story. Give us a back story. Is if some of y'all out there are thinking, wait a minute.

Karen Stubbs:

I have the survival guide, so how can this be new? The original publisher, we will not say names, but they were sold.

Emily Korosec:

Mhmm.

Karen Stubbs:

And when they were sold, they were looking for a new publisher to come in to buy all their stuff. And, anyways, that didn't happen. So I bought the rights back to the book and then shopped it around, and we got a new publisher, Harvest House.

Emily Korosec:

And

Karen Stubbs:

they're doing a great job. Which they've done an amazing job. They listened to everything I had to say. I was like I never loved the cover of the old book. It just wasn't I but we just kept going round and round, and we it ended up where it ended up.

Karen Stubbs:

This book is exactly what I had in mind.

Emily Korosec:

It's adorable.

Karen Stubbs:

It's adorable. I mean, it's it's plus it's a cute little pocket size. Literally, you could put it in your purse, in the diaper bag, whatever, keep it in the car. But it's got, like, all these little icons of your whole child's journey, like a computer, a diaper, a book bag, graduation hat, alarm clocks, sports stuff, skateboard, baby stuff, a baby bottle. I mean, it's just like the whole thing, which I love.

Emily Korosec:

So, mom, because this is a mother is this a survival guide to motherhood, but not just for the toddler baby years?

Karen Stubbs:

No. It's for it's all from infant all the way to they're going to college. Heck, I even talk about y'all as grown adults.

Emily Korosec:

Yeah. So let's do something fun. This is kinda out of the blue. K. I'm gonna tell you the 3 icons that I identify with the color.

Karen Stubbs:

To? And

Emily Korosec:

then I want you to tell me your 3 icons that I relate to right that you're relating to right now. Okay. Alright. You wanna go first or do you want me to?

Karen Stubbs:

You go first. It's your idea.

Emily Korosec:

Okay. So my 3 icons that I relate to right now is the sandwich because I feel like I'm always making PB and Js. Okay. That's 1. That's good.

Emily Korosec:

I think the other 1 that I relate to is the scooter because I'm always trying to find ways to get my kids outside and play. Mhmm. And then the third 1 is, the music because I love music and I like having dance parties with my kids. And that's if I'm having a bad day, that's how that's how I survive. So 2 for my kids and 1 for me.

Karen Stubbs:

Alright. So my 3 are the computer. Yeah. Because that's what I do with birds on the wire. I'm on my computer all the time.

Karen Stubbs:

Honestly, the sports. Because with Chapman and sports, we've been going to the ball fields here lately and just supporting him. But just all your kids come, Kelsey's kids are there. It's like a family thing, which I love that about our family.

Emily Korosec:

I know.

Karen Stubbs:

I love that we just all do life well so well together. And then the baby stuff because Sarah and Taylor just had their baby. So my I automatically went to the pacifier, the bottle, the little what is that thing that hangs down from the crib that they don't Oh, a mobile. Yeah. A mobile.

Emily Korosec:

Well, do you know what? If this is airing the 1st week of July, then Taylor and Sarah are here.

Karen Stubbs:

Yes. They are.

Emily Korosec:

Because they're coming up for the first time since Addie was born. Mhmm.

Karen Stubbs:

It's gonna be so fun. So fun. But that's a good that's a good little fun game to play here. Yeah.

Emily Korosec:

You know, I'm always looking for good games. I love

Karen Stubbs:

She is our game person. Love it. For sure. But look, y'all. It's the parenting pep talk every Christian mom needs.

Emily Korosec:

Mhmm. What?

Karen Stubbs:

Yeah. I love that. And inside the book, they pulled out certain excerpts. We've also got discussion questions with this book. We didn't have that on the last book, which I love.

Karen Stubbs:

So moms can do it by themselves or with their friends or small group, and

Emily Korosec:

I love that. And I also love in the book, there's, like, as you're reading, it, like, picks up, like, the most important things.

Karen Stubbs:

That's what I was saying, the excerpts. Oh. That's called an excerpt.

Emily Korosec:

Well, there you go. You're like an author.

Karen Stubbs:

I mean, it's like my y'all, this is so cute. Talon came in, and it was sitting they sent the author 2 copies. And so the book was sitting on my desk in the kitchen, and Talon said, what is this? And Talon sorta has, like, a little is it a lisp or something?

Emily Korosec:

A little bit.

Karen Stubbs:

And it's precious. And I said, that's a book that I wrote. And he goes, you wrote this book? And I said, yes. And he goes, you wrote all the woods in this book.

Karen Stubbs:

And I said, I did, buddy. I wrote all the words. He's looked at it, and he goes, that's

Emily Korosec:

a lot of woods.

Karen Stubbs:

Oh, so cute. There's a story about you in there, and he goes, there's a story about me. And I said, yes. It was so cute. So y'all have to get the book to read what story it

Emily Korosec:

is. Yes. So please please please preorder it on Amazon. It's on sale right now. It's on sale right now.

Emily Korosec:

Well, it's on sale right this second. I don't know if it'll be on sale in July. Well, let's just hope it will be Do you know what? We're gonna just say it's on sale. But anyways, just go ahead and preorder it today.

Emily Korosec:

So then when it comes out, you don't even have to worry about it and it just gets dropped off

Karen Stubbs:

at your door. And then if you've already bought the book, send us a picture at info at birds on a wire mom, so you holding the old book, and we will send you a new book signed copy. By you? By me. By the author.

Karen Stubbs:

Yeah.

Emily Korosec:

You would the 1 who wrote all the words

Karen Stubbs:

to the book. All the words. Do you think okay. I wanna ask my audience this question. Okay.

Karen Stubbs:

Do y'all think it's weird? They're gonna sell them, they say,

Emily Korosec:

in Barnes and Noble This is not weird.

Karen Stubbs:

That if I go in the store Emily wants me to go in

Emily Korosec:

the store and sign a few books and then just leave it, just like walk away and leave it. I'm afraid I'd get in trouble. You're not gonna get in trouble.

Karen Stubbs:

And then you have to buy

Emily Korosec:

the books. Well, you already own the books.

Karen Stubbs:

I know. But, I mean, I would have to buy those books.

Emily Korosec:

They're not you're gonna be like, I'm the author of

Karen Stubbs:

the book. And they would be like, who cares? Don't sign our merchandise.

Emily Korosec:

I don't I think the moms would like it. You do?

Karen Stubbs:

Yes. Y'all, I'd love to hear what y'all think on that. We should do a little Instagram poll. Okay. Because I'm a little nervous about that.

Karen Stubbs:

I'm gonna be honest.

Emily Korosec:

I know you are.

Karen Stubbs:

I'm not like your typical author, typical speaker. I do not. And the weird thing is I am yellow and I love attention, but this kind of stuff really wigs me out. That's funny. It's really weird.

Karen Stubbs:

I don't understand.

Emily Korosec:

I don't know.

Karen Stubbs:

I don't either. Well, anyways, moving on.

Emily Korosec:

We're not gonna get to we're not gonna be able to find the answer.

Karen Stubbs:

I'm gonna psychoanalyze myself right now.

Emily Korosec:

That's that's that's August. Anyways, for the month of July, we're gonna be going through different parts of the books to just give the audience a little bit of a tease to see what it's really about.

Karen Stubbs:

That's right.

Emily Korosec:

But if you are on the fence, don't be on the fence. Go ahead and preorder this book today because it really is amazing. But something new from this time that you're doing this book is you recorded an audio book.

Karen Stubbs:

Oh, y'all. I did. That was amazing.

Emily Korosec:

And you loved it, but it was that's hard.

Karen Stubbs:

Yeah. It was 2 6 hour days in the studio, and I'm talking y'all. Okay. So this guy, Scottie Wilbanks, was the coolest guy ever.

Emily Korosec:

Mhmm.

Karen Stubbs:

He's like a an amazing musician. He played in 3rd day for years, And then now he tours with Luke Bryan. I mean

Emily Korosec:

So cool.

Karen Stubbs:

What that's so cool.

Emily Korosec:

That's amazing.

Karen Stubbs:

I asked him, what is it like? I mean, come on. What is it? Forget about me. There's your yellow.

Karen Stubbs:

You. There's your yellow. I said, what is it like to be on the stage, you know, at and in like a stadium? And he goes, well, I'm not gonna lie. 60, 000 people cheering is pretty amazing.

Karen Stubbs:

And I'm like, how could it not be? I mean, that would be, like, electrifying. I just think that would be so cool. But, anyways, so he has a recording studio in his basement with all of his gold albums and everything from these groups that he's been in. So amazing.

Karen Stubbs:

But I had to go into this recording booth. You weren't there. No. And it's tiny. I have to wear these headphones.

Karen Stubbs:

I have to sit. He gets the microphone all set or whatever. Y'all, I could not lean forward. I could not lean back. I could not move.

Karen Stubbs:

So for 2 6 hour sessions, I have to, yeah, just sit very still. Do y'all know how hard that was?

Emily Korosec:

It was very difficult. I can't even imagine.

Karen Stubbs:

It was I think

Emily Korosec:

I would have come out of my seat.

Karen Stubbs:

He was wonderful, very encouraging, but, I mean, every little thing, like, if I I had, like, you know, I don't know, a breath or something, he'd be like, alright. Let's try that again. I'm like, no way. Like, you picked that up. That's crazy.

Karen Stubbs:

But he was very good at what he did. Gonna be amazing. And at the end, I have, like, an epilogue, and he he did some, like, music underneath it, wrote a score. Ain't that cool? He was like, I really think after listening to the whole book, he's like, I really wanna put some music underneath this.

Karen Stubbs:

So we asked the audio publisher, and they said, yes. We could do that.

Emily Korosec:

So he did it. Mom, that's amazing. It's kinda like that movie, The Holiday, when Jack Black's character was like, if I wrote a song, I would write this for you.

Karen Stubbs:

Oh, the happy notes. Happy

Emily Korosec:

notes. Always happy notes.

Karen Stubbs:

I love that movie too. But Scottie was great. Good. He was amazing. Strong Christian.

Karen Stubbs:

He was so fun. Y'all I mean, he never even heard of birds on a wire. Mhmm. And they have 4 kids. And, my assistant was there.

Karen Stubbs:

She she knows him and his wife, but he's like, we were breaking for lunch. And he goes, hey. Can I invite my wife to lunch? I think she's gonna love you. And I said, yes.

Karen Stubbs:

Oh. Absolutely. And, I wanna have her on the podcast because she they have teenagers. Yes. And she has figured out she's really smart.

Karen Stubbs:

Went to Georgia Tech, but she homeschools and all the wonderful stuff. But she's figured out, like, technology, like a mom hack on technology for teens. So I was like, you need to be on the podcast.

Emily Korosec:

Well, I know that from all of our listeners, there's always a need and want for more advice on teenagers.

Karen Stubbs:

Yes. So I've told Katie she's gonna get her own schedule, so that's coming soon. Can't wait.

Emily Korosec:

Yeah. Well, let's get into this Let's dive in.

Karen Stubbs:

Let's do

Emily Korosec:

Let's use mom's favorite phrase. Let's dive in. I tell moms, we use it every podcast. Let's dive in. Let's dive in, guys.

Emily Korosec:

Challenging her to find a new different kitchen.

Karen Stubbs:

Right. We don't need to do that.

Emily Korosec:

So we're gonna start doing a little bit of excerpt excerpt reading.

Karen Stubbs:

Well, we're just gonna read parts from the book. Parts of the book.

Emily Korosec:

We're gonna read parts of the book and just to give you a little bit of a taste. Alright. Take it away, Karyn.

Karen Stubbs:

Okay, everybody. This is part of the introduction. I have talked to thousands of moms, read and answered 100, if not thousands of questions, and here's what I'm learned along the way. All moms have the same foundational needs just wrapped in different packaging. We all have the same insecurities, whether we're living in Atlanta, Georgia, or Cape Town, South Africa.

Karen Stubbs:

We all have the same desires, whether we're staying at home or working full time. We all have the same fears whether we have 1 child or 6 kids. We all have the same hope to get it right Whether we live in the city, the country, or the burbs, we, moms, all need the same thing, someone to walk with as we do this motherhood thing the best we know how. I wrote this book to be that someone. I want to pull up a chair with you over coffee so that while we're talking about you and your children, I can reassure you that you're doing a good job and encourage you to keep going.

Karen Stubbs:

I want to affirm that you are your child's biggest advocate, and you can do this. And I want to validate the fact that being a mom is hard work. When your child pushes back against the discipline you've chosen, it's not because you're doing something wrong, it's because you're doing something right. I want to keep you company when your fears flare up. What will your child's future be like?

Karen Stubbs:

No 1 knows except for God. I won't patronize you with a pep talk that everything will be fine, but I will counsel you to walk with him. Invite him into your mothering days. Give Him a front row seat to your mothering journey. God's perfect love is greater than all fear.

Karen Stubbs:

When you're struggling with self doubt, asking, am I enough for my child? I will remind you that the answer is this, not really, but God is enough. God will be there for you and your child. He will guide you as a mom.

Emily Korosec:

That is so encouraging. Is it? Yeah. It is. And I I know it's interesting.

Emily Korosec:

I hope everyone really does order this book because each mom is gonna get something different out of this book. And what hit me the most is this is the line that helped me that just, like, stood with me. It was, I wanna keep you company when your fears flare up. What will your child's future be like? No 1 knows except God.

Emily Korosec:

And I just felt like for me, that hit home for me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because there is a lot of fear in motherhood, and I think that's what I love the most about you and our relationship is and this is how you were as a mom as well, is a lot of the times you're like, Emily, I don't know.

Karen Stubbs:

I don't

Emily Korosec:

know, but God does.

Karen Stubbs:

Yeah.

Emily Korosec:

And you always kept pointing me back to Him. And I think that's a lot of, you know, this is a survival guide, but it's because the ultimate goal is your eyes are pointed to Him. Right. You know what I mean? And I think that's where we have to keep our eyes focused.

Karen Stubbs:

Well, we can all let our fears just run away with this.

Emily Korosec:

Exactly. Yeah. And then this is right out the gate and this is the introduction. But in chapter 1, you do talk about crockpots. Yes.

Emily Korosec:

And, it's an analogy that I found that was really interesting, and I never really heard of it like that. So can you talk to us about what did you mean by like Children or crockpots? Yes. Because the title of chapter 1 is knowing how to get through the day, but you do talk about, crockpots a little bit.

Karen Stubbs:

Yeah. Well, this is the story about Talon. Oh, okay. He's a little bit. Whenever Kelsey had Talyn, she was living with us because Kevin was in Japan on Navy orders.

Karen Stubbs:

And as you well know, she had a lot of surgeries after having town 7 to be precise, and she was in and out of the hospital. And so Greg and I were the caregivers for Talon. And we had a newborn baby in our bedroom, and it was legit crazy sauce. But, there was 1 afternoon, I had gotten Evie and Chapman, Evie 4, Chapman 2, Talyn was a newborn, so a lot of the moms can relate, I think, down for their nap. They would the older ones have gone down for their nap, and I felt great.

Karen Stubbs:

I'll feed Tallon. I'll get him down for his nap, and then I'm gonna have, oh, an hour and a half to myself. What? And I was so excited. So normally, Talon would go right down, but this day, Talon would not go down.

Karen Stubbs:

And so he just was fussy for whatever reason. He took his bottle. I burped him the whole routine, laid him down. He cried, cried, cried. And so I picked him up trying to figure out, you know, what was going on, what was happening.

Karen Stubbs:

And right as I got him down an hour later, Evie woke up. Oh. And once Evie woke up, Chapman woke up. And then there goes my hour and a half of freedom to do whatever it is I wanted. And it just made me realize and think about it, children are like crockpots.

Karen Stubbs:

They are slow and steady cookers. You cannot rush them. You know, you put a roast in the crock pot to be on the long simmer all day long. You cannot rush that at all, and you cannot rush a child. No.

Karen Stubbs:

I could not make Talon go to sleep. I could not. No matter what I did, all my tricks in my bag, it didn't work. The boy was not going to sleep until he was ready to go to sleep. That's the deal.

Karen Stubbs:

Mhmm. And so I had to learn relearn that that this child has entered my life. I'm in an empty stage. I've got a business I'm running. I've got all the things that I'm doing.

Karen Stubbs:

I cannot think about having talent fit into my world. I've got to fit into his world, and his world is a slow cooker. So my world is an Instant Pot. His world is a slow cooker, and I cannot make him be an Instant Pot because he's not. And think about it this way, moms, whenever you're trying to get out the door, whether your child is a toddler or they're teenagers or whatever, you cannot rush them.

Karen Stubbs:

The more you rush them, what happens? They they just slow down.

Emily Korosec:

That's true. Right? It's like they put on the brakes.

Karen Stubbs:

And it's so frustrating for us moms because we're like, get in the car. You know? Like, come on. Let's do it. You know?

Karen Stubbs:

But it's just like so we have to get in the mindset that, you know, we have to get into their world and not expect them to get into ours. Absolutely.

Emily Korosec:

It doesn't work. Yeah. Do you find this concept is just for little kids?

Karen Stubbs:

Not really. No. And I talk about that in the book that we when our kids get to be teenagers, you know, we want them to be mature. Mhmm. We want them to know better.

Karen Stubbs:

Why are you making that I mean, I've I used to ask, why did you do that when you were teenagers? And you look at me. I don't know.

Emily Korosec:

So why do you think we are so impatient as parents?

Karen Stubbs:

Because we want it instant. We want instant obedience. We want instant maturity. And it just doesn't happen. And teenagers, no matter how much we want them to act like they are 25 years old, they're not because they're still cooking.

Karen Stubbs:

Yeah. And so we we're just we gotta get in the mindset of, I'm dealing with

Emily Korosec:

a teenager. Their brain is not completely cooked yet. Something happened the other day, and I think it was Grayson, and you're like, Emily, he's 3. Yeah. And I was like, I know but and you're like, Emily, he's 3.

Emily Korosec:

So you cannot expect a 3 year old to think the way that you think. And I was like, okay. Fine. Like, I guess you were right. I don't even remember what it was.

Karen Stubbs:

Yeah. I don't either.

Emily Korosec:

But you're right. They can't just be whatever we want. It does

Karen Stubbs:

take time. It does. And we have to be patient. Mhmm. But we are impatient creatures.

Karen Stubbs:

So I think we just have to get in the mindset. Oh, 0, reminder, they're Crockpots.

Emily Korosec:

They're Crockpots. Low and slow. Low and slow. Not fast and furious. Nope.

Emily Korosec:

Alright. Whatever. Okay. Well, you wrote in this chapter that joy is a choice. Mhmm.

Emily Korosec:

You write, living a life full of joy and fulfillment is up to you. And what tugged on your heart to tell the moms about this?

Karen Stubbs:

Well, you know, I'm just I just surround a lot of moms, and I hear a lot of their stories. And, some of them are really hard stories.

Emily Korosec:

Yeah.

Karen Stubbs:

And, you know, there's some that have joy, and there's some that just are sitting and wallowing in self pity. And they have every right to be self pity, you know, because they're it's hard stuff. But I've learned with my own self that wallowing in self pity doesn't do anyone any good, and you're never gonna be the best version of yourself while you're in self pity. So I just throughout my life, you know, like, I remember when we'd all moved back to Atlanta, your dad was still in the Navy Reserves. He was doing his stuff.

Karen Stubbs:

He was anyways, he got recalled for the 2nd Gulf War.

Emily Korosec:

I remember that.

Karen Stubbs:

Yeah. And I was just angry. I was just like, we've already done a war. I think 1 war is enough. For a lifetime is enough.

Karen Stubbs:

And he got recalled. His orders were for a year. Y'all were older. Had all of the first war, I just had Kelsey. This war had all of you.

Karen Stubbs:

You all were very close to your dad. Nobody wanted him to go. It was horrible. And I just didn't wanna do it. And I was just angry, and I was mad, and I was feeling sorry for myself.

Karen Stubbs:

And I'm living in Atlanta, Georgia, which is not a military town. Nobody understands. Nobody gets it. Mhmm. Nobody gets it.

Emily Korosec:

Yeah.

Karen Stubbs:

And it was just in Virginia, everybody understood because it was a military town. Right. So it's just different. So I just kept wallowing in my self pity in 1 day. I don't know.

Karen Stubbs:

It was just like the Lord was just like, are you gonna be this way the whole year? Are you gonna find some joy? Because your joy's in me, not in Greg. And I was like, oh, yeah. So I Yeah.

Karen Stubbs:

I had to choose joy. I mean, I really did. It was just 1 day I woke up, and I'm like, alright. That's it. I'm done with self pity.

Karen Stubbs:

I gotta put my big girl boots on and get going here.

Emily Korosec:

You probably didn't say boots though.

Karen Stubbs:

I said panties. Said get your

Emily Korosec:

big girl panties on and you were

Karen Stubbs:

That's right. I did.

Emily Korosec:

Well, that was an emotional time too because it was right after September 11th and we were all old enough to know this was actually really scary. Yeah. And I think that was part of the problem. Not problem, but we weren't Kelsey, how about Kelsey's 6 months old when dad left the first time?

Karen Stubbs:

9 months.

Emily Korosec:

9 months. So you've got a baby. She doesn't even know you've got 4 kids who are very emotional.

Karen Stubbs:

Oh, yeah. Kelsey was in middle school. I think you were in middle school.

Emily Korosec:

I was in 5th grade. Yeah. So But Abby was emotional too.

Karen Stubbs:

Oh, as a preschooler. Yeah. She was really sad.

Emily Korosec:

You have to put your big old panties on and deal with it. Mhmm. So, mom, you have already talked about just in this little bit of the episode that children are like crockpots. Yep. How to find joy and choosing joy.

Emily Korosec:

But then also, 1 of the chapters is, how to take charge of your home. And I know a lot of times, moms are sometimes afraid to be the boss. So what is your practical advice for them? And like how does this book kind of charge them with being the boss in their own home?

Karen Stubbs:

Well, I feel like God has given us that title Okay. On being the boss. He says throughout scripture, children obey your parents. So if they God is asking the children to obey their parents, he's asking us to lead our children and lead them well

Emily Korosec:

Mhmm.

Karen Stubbs:

And teach them. And it's not about us lording over them. Right. It's not about us lording our authority over them. It's about us as moms being spirit filled moms with love, patience, peace, kindness, gentleness, self control, the fruits of the spirit are playing out in us, but we are taking our job as being the boss is an important role in our lives.

Karen Stubbs:

Mhmm. You know, moms, and I used to tell you all this whenever y'all were little, I answer to God, not to you. So I know you don't want me to discipline you on this or, you know, call you to task on this, but it's my job as a mom to teach you how to be responsible, to teach you not to lie, to teach you all these things. And you're probably not gonna like it, but that's okay. I don't answer to you.

Karen Stubbs:

I answer to God. Mhmm. And so that's sort of the way I look at it. And so many moms feel bad about taking charge and being the boss. And I'm like, no.

Karen Stubbs:

God's given you that role, so own it. Make the most of it in a loving, kind, gentle way, but also in a firm way. Right. And also take charge of your home and set the atmosphere up. And how do you want it to be?

Karen Stubbs:

You know what I'm saying? So it's a big role that we've been given, and we need to take it on and Own it. Own it

Emily Korosec:

is right. So there's lots of practical tips inside your book. It truly is a survival guide. But we always love to leave our listeners with a practical tip. Mhmm.

Emily Korosec:

Even though they can't read the whole book right now, you can pre order it. But what would your practical tip for the moms listening to right now of how to be the boss today? Just to take charge of your home. You're not in control. God is in control,

Karen Stubbs:

but you can control the atmosphere of your home. You can control the tone of your home. You know, I always wanted a warm, loving home that people were always welcome in. I always wanted y'all to be kind and gentle, you know, and I would stop and say, hey. Let's try that again.

Karen Stubbs:

Talk to your sister or brother in a nice way.

Emily Korosec:

Mhmm.

Karen Stubbs:

And and so I was setting the tone of my home and in charge of my home because I didn't want my home to be chaos. It might may have been messy. Yeah. But I didn't want it to be like a place of, you know, all the time. Yeah.

Emily Korosec:

So I

Karen Stubbs:

was in charge of that. Yes.

Emily Korosec:

You were in charge of that. And, I love that. I think that's a great practical tip. Yeah. So thank you.

Karen Stubbs:

You're welcome.

Emily Korosec:

I like that you said, yeah, you're in charge of the tone. Yeah.

Karen Stubbs:

You know

Emily Korosec:

what I mean? And a lot of times, sometimes, if I'm in a bad mood, if I put on a praise and worship song, it kinda changes my tone, and it helps change

Karen Stubbs:

the tone of my families that their kids are and I'm not talking about every now and then, but just all the time, their kids are just, like, crazy all the time.

Emily Korosec:

All the time.

Karen Stubbs:

And the parents are just like, oh, well, you know, we don't we don't know what to do. You know, it's just the way they are. No. Be the boss.

Emily Korosec:

I'm gonna get a shirt that says, I am the boss. Yeah. The boss. Harper would be like, I'm the boss, and then, like, read my shirt.

Karen Stubbs:

Yeah. I am the boss. My shirt. You can't read yet, but read my shirt. Let me tell you what it says.

Karen Stubbs:

It says, I'm the boss.

Emily Korosec:

Alright. Perfect. So the last thing we're gonna end this episode on is in your book, you have reflection questions Yeah. And discussion questions, and I love that because whether you're reading it by yourself, it gives you something to think about. But or you're doing it with a friend, you can talk to them about it.

Emily Korosec:

But 1 of the ones at the end of the first chapter reminds me, reminds mom, said, just as you are watching your children face new challenges and develop new strengths, God is watching you to do the same. And I love that thought that just as kids are like crockpots, so are we. Mhmm. Absolutely. Patient with us.

Emily Korosec:

And we're not gonna get it right the first time, but thank goodness God is full of grace.

Karen Stubbs:

Well, you know, I was just talking to a friend, a mom, the other day, and she was saying her child had messed up, which which of our children have it messed up. And she was just like, you know, what do I do? And I said, you do exactly what God does with us. You forgive and you love, you teach and you move on. That's what you do because that's what God does with us.

Karen Stubbs:

And I said, how many times did God forgive the Israelites? And we read the Bible, and we're like, oh my gosh. The Israelites, they're so stupid. But how stupid are we? I mean, we do the same stuff over and over and over again, a 100%.

Emily Korosec:

We do. Yep. So, well, everyone, thank you so much for listening, and I hope you enjoyed the little bit of a tease for survival guide to motherhood. Don't forget to check-in next week as we dive into a little bit more of the book, and we can't wait to see you. If you like this episode, share it with a friend so they can get more tips on how to survive motherhood.

Emily Korosec:

It's a hard journey, but it is worth it 100%. We'll see you guys next week. Bye.