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Feeling overwhelmed by your family's daily grind and looking for a way out? Welcome to "Dig the Well," the podcast that empowers you to build the life you deserve. Your hosts Vikki and John are top earners at Neora. Vikki is a # 1 best-selling author and John is a retired Los Angeles Police Officer. Together they’ve navigated family challenges, raised successful kids, and achieved financial freedom.
In each episode of "Dig the Well," they dive deep into the strategies and mindsets that can help you break free from the constraints of the traditional 9-5 lifestyle. They understand the unique challenges faced by stay-at-home moms and families who are juggling multiple responsibilities and struggling to find balance. Their mission is to provide you with the tools and inspiration you need to create additional income, gain more family time, and ultimately, transform your life.
Throughout their journey, they’ve had the privilege of working with renowned figures like Jack Canfield and Jeff Olson, whose wisdom and insights have greatly influenced their path to success. They’ve also celebrated significant milestones, such as raising two valedictorian children and supporting their son, an Olympic weightlifter on Team USA. These experiences have equipped them with valuable knowledge and practical tips that they’re eager to share with you.
"Dig the Well" is more than just a podcast; it's a community of like-minded individuals who are committed to personal growth and financial independence. Whether you're worried about your family's financial security, longing for more quality time with your spouse, or simply seeking a way to reignite your passions, this podcast offers actionable insights and real-life stories that can help you achieve your goals.
Our mission is to inspire you with the belief that if we can do it, so can you. We want you to feel empowered, educated, and ready to take control of your future. By tuning in to "Dig the Well," you'll gain the confidence and knowledge needed to break free from the daily grind and create a life full of possibilities.
So, if you're ready to transform your family's future and discover the greatness within you, join us on this journey. Subscribe to "Dig the Well" and start building the life you deserve today!
This is the EWN Podcast Network.
John:Ever wondered how you could turn your side hustle into a full time gig and spend more time together?
Vikki:Hi. I'm Vikki, a number one best selling author.
John:And I'm John, a retired Los Angeles police officer. Welcome to dig the well, where we help couples navigate the world of business.
Vikki:We've been married for thirty five years, and because we built a successful side business, John retired nine years earlier than he originally planned from the Los Angeles Police Department after twenty five years on the job. Now we spend more time together, and we want to help couples like you do the same.
John:Join us as we help you overcome common obstacles, and we show you how to make extra income without sacrificing family time.
Vikki:Ready to dig deep and build your well? Let's get started. Happy fourth of July weekend.
John:Yeah. Happy Independence Day.
Vikki:Yay. And you all know we are a blue line family. This one, baby. So, of course, we have to have that. But guess what?
Vikki:I was born close to July 4 on the fifth. And so I always think of these. I think of both. Alright. Well, we hope you are having a great Thursday if you're listening to this when our podcast drops every Thursday.
Vikki:But if you're listening to it on on July 4, driving to a barbecue, that's great too, or over the weekend. We're gonna give you some tips. We are gonna give you some tips. And so, we wrote something out for you, and I am actually gonna read it.
John:Yeah. It's not tips on barbecuing and and all that good stuff. It's tips on if you have a business. Right? Yeah.
John:Like ours, which is a business about people and relationships, and how best to work that into this weekend and, make it make it just a really great holiday. Right?
Vikki:Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. So if you're heading to a barbecue this weekend and thinking, oh, I should talk about my business. Yes.
Vikki:But hold up. Hold up. Don't be the person doing a full product pitch over potato salad. Let's talk about how to grow your biz the right way by using a few golden rules from the book, how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. And, actually, we had some fun.
Vikki:We dug out. You would not believe how old these books are.
John:Yeah. Right.
Vikki:You know? Because this book has been out almost since the dawn of time. It feels like before my parents were even born.
John:Yeah. Isn't that cool how how things haven't changed,
Vikki:Yeah. Exactly. So I've got look at can you tell? It's not even white.
John:I know the cover.
Vikki:Yeah. First of all, it's not white. And wait till you see the pages. They're really yellowed. And look at all my highlights.
Vikki:Can you tell that I I really do read this? But look at all the what do you call these things for those of
John:you who
Vikki:can't see? They're like little tabs, little plastic stickies that, you know, draw you know, I can go to a certain section in the book. And then John has another newer can you hold yours up over there? But it's, definitely not the newest. Definitely not.
Vikki:That's probably 20 years old.
John:It's still all yellowed.
Vikki:Yeah. And, so there it is. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. And, also, they have so many different versions. They have one for the teenager's soul.
Vikki:They have, we actually had our kids, read some of that when they were growing up.
John:Mhmm.
Vikki:You know, it's just an all around amazing human being book. I think it was originally meant for if you have a business, but it's great for just being a great human and, like, caring about other people.
John:Yeah. Yeah. Because, you know, even if you just worked a nine to five job, you're a w two employee, you're just a cog in some corporate wheel, this book will still benefit you. Yeah. You're still gonna learn great ways of how to interact with other people.
John:And it it it there's there's so much you can gain from just reading this book and and and kinda using some of the the principles that that Dale Carnegie talks about Yeah. In what you do.
Vikki:Yeah. Yeah.
John:If you if you have a business like ours and you're in, like, a a direct sales business, this thing is just golden.
Vikki:Yeah. Any kind of sales. And, you know, it's funny, John. You don't know this, but I was on a Zoom yesterday morning. And one of the people on the Zoom, you know, asked a question, and and it was definitely it was about, talking about her business, her network.
Vikki:She had a networking group and talking about her networking group that she's in charge of when she's at another networking group from the front of the room. And we all in the chat were like, I I talk about it, but it's very on the side. I don't wanna be disrespectful. It's I'm never gonna speak about it in the front of the room as if trying to grab the people from that networking group to come to mind. Never.
Vikki:And it was funny because she said, you know, I'm so glad and then the leader answered the, her question and basically said, you know, if you do that, it could be misconstrued. And the woman was thanking, you know, everybody for their input because she said that she not that she wasn't raised well, but she missed a lot of taught social cues. And, you know, I thought that that really you know, today, when I dug this out, I'm like, gosh. She needs to read this. You know?
Vikki:And so that could be you too. Maybe you don't even have a business. You're thinking about it. But you know when you're in group settings or when you are meeting new people, you get stuck. You don't know the right things to say.
Vikki:You're yammering on and on about yourself, and you're realizing people are walking away from you. Right? Right. If that's a social cue. And if you're not picking up on that, you need to because
John:Read the room.
Vikki:Yeah. You really have to read the room. So this book is phenomenal. So we're gonna jump right in and chat about one, and we're gonna talk about some quotes from the book as well. But really what I I know I've learned and you're the same, John, you're curious always about other people and what they do, and you're not hitting them with what we do right away.
Vikki:You're not salesy, talking about, oh, yeah. I just came out with this new product, you know, instead of getting to know them first. So that's really the first thing is, talk to someone about themselves is the quote from the book. Talk to someone about themselves, and they'll listen for hours. Right?
Vikki:You ask them about themselves. You know, that that was kind of the funny part of it. Talk to them about themselves. But it's you leading the conversation saying, hey. Tell me what you do.
Vikki:Or, hey. What are you doing this summer? You know? Or are the kids when do the kids go back to school? Do you have any vacations planned?
Vikki:You know, you're kinda leading the conversation so that they're talking about all about themselves. It's not you talking about you Mhmm. First. Yeah.
John:Think about it. People love to talk about themselves. And it's it's so funny because we know this principle. Right? So when we when we're with a group of people and the people we don't know, we just meet them, I'm always doing that, and I know Vicki does too.
John:We're always asking about them, and we talk very little bit about ourselves, because that's really not what we're interested in. We're interested in learning about other people. And it's funny that some of the most successful people that I've ever met do exactly the same thing. They have the same principle. Yeah.
John:And I've been suckered in so many times that when we're in a in a setting and someone who's really successful, I find myself talking more about me than listening to them talking about themselves. Yeah. And I'll catch myself. And it's a ways into it, I realize, oh my gosh. I've got like diarrhea of the mouth.
John:I'm talking about me. Yeah. And my whole goal was to find more about them. And I realized, wow, you've actually figured out how to to perfect this this this key ingredient in how to be successful. You're doing it.
John:And, obviously, you've been doing it for many years because you're really successful. Then it's weird because it's the most successful people that I know. They all do the same thing. They're more interested in other people than they are than speaking of themselves. Right.
John:Exactly. Really cool.
Vikki:And you'll see also, it is an art because you will and I've learned to do it now after I read this book, by the way, back in '95. It was the first time I read it. It was when a friend of ours actually, Debbie Ferraro, if you happen to be watching this, I feel really bad. I found your name in the book, so I think you originally I think you originally gave this to me.
John:Or you stole it.
Vikki:Yeah. No. I don't think I stole it. I know the Ferraros, Jim and Debbie probably gave it to me. It was back in our Amway days.
Vikki:And so that was 1995, you guys. Holy cow. Thirty years ago was the first time I read it. And so what why I brought that up was I've started to perfect this part of the asking them all about themselves because I betcha the guy that like you said, you get suckered in. He's asking about you.
Vikki:You're answering. And I'm sure that, you turn it around.
John:Mhmm.
Vikki:Because because we do. You know? It's like, yeah. What do you do? And then they answer for a little bit.
Vikki:But what is amazing that you'll learn from the book too is that you answer and you're polite. Oh, you know, I'm CEO of x y z corporation, he might say. Right? But then it's immediately back to the person he's talking to. So I'm sure he was like, he told you what he did briefly and then, yeah.
Vikki:So your kids, they are, you know, one's a weight lifter. Right? I'm sure. Right? He put it all back to you because that's part of the art.
John:Yeah. That's the whole thing with the concept we call form. Yeah. And it's it's the art of asking right the right questions and asking very good questions. And when someone asks you a question, you're not gonna skirt the question, you're still gonna answer it, but you're gonna answer it very briefly.
John:And the key is, and the trick is, you answer it in a way that's gonna provoke interest, that's gonna peak their interest, that's gonna all it's gonna automatically lead to more questions, but instead, you you turn turn it around and you keep control of it. Right? You're gonna ask a question. So when you think about control in a conversation, it goes back to like my training as a police officer. I worked as a detective for several years.
John:And part of what we do in interrogations is we ask the questions. Right? The suspect isn't asking us any questions, because the person who's asking the questions is in control of the conversation. You wanna keep control of the conversation. You wanna ask meaningful questions of the person you're conversing with to get great answers from them, because it shows a couple of things.
John:It shows one thing that you're interested in them. Right. And that's important because it makes them feel important. Right. And you want them to feel important, because hopefully, you're genuinely interested in them.
John:If you're not interested in, you're in the wrong business. Yeah. Right? If you're in a direct sales business where it's about people and about helping people become better at whatever it is they do, but helping people become better people. If you're not interested in their answers, then you're clearly in the wrong business.
John:Go find something else to do. Yeah. So you wanna ask those questions, be interested, and be in control of the conversation.
Vikki:Exactly. And and it could be not even direct sales. Right? You have a coaching business. If you're a lawyer, if you wanna get new clients as a bookkeeper.
Vikki:Right? You've gotta get out of your shell and be interested in others.
John:Think about it. Just anything. Right? If you're a car salesman Right. You're gonna your client comes in, a customer comes in, you're gonna ask them questions to find out what it is their needs are for an automobile.
John:And then you're gonna figure out ways that you can say, hey, I can solve these issues for you. Here's your solution. I have the vehicle for you at the right price and everything else. But first, you have to ask the questions, and then the most important part of it is you have to listen. Mhmm.
John:You have to be a great listener.
Vikki:Right. And we're gonna get to that part. I wanted to throw this quote in because it went perfectly with what you said about being interested in other people. So, the next quote that we remember so well from the book is you can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in years and years. That's not part of the quote, but that you can in years and years, trying to tell everybody how great you are, seriously, great your company is or how great a lawyer we'll stick with lawyer and bookkeeper and all that.
Vikki:So it's it's you're spot on on that. I just wanna make sure we got that quote in because it's a biggie. It's a biggie. And really the rule of thumb is keep the conversation 80% about them, 20% about you. And it might even be ninety ten.
Vikki:It might be 90% about them. Mhmm. 10 about you. Because that goes along with form too where when when you're peaking their you're asking about them and they ask about you and you kind of peak their interest a little bit, that's you know, you're getting them curious, right, to keep at almost following you around the barbecue. Wait, John.
Vikki:You, you know, you gotta tell me about what you're doing. You retired nine years early? What you know, how did you do that? So, but I know you're really good at, I don't wanna say stringing people along, but making them, like, infectiously curious. Yeah.
John:You know, and sometimes it's kind of fun is Yeah. When you when you've done it enough times, it's it's I don't know. I I enjoyed doing that because it really piques their interest to the point where they're almost like in a frenzy. They really want to know. And sometimes I've had people corner me and just say, okay, look, enough's enough.
John:What exactly do you and Vicky do? Yeah. How do you guys afford what you guys can afford? What what is it that you're doing? Right.
John:You haven't told me yet.
Vikki:You both stay home now. What are you doing? Right.
John:And that's where really where you want it to lead to if that's what you're interested in, which we all are. So I'm going to assume that most of the people watching this and listening to this podcast are in a direct sales business, and you're looking to to try and sponsor as many people as you can. It may not be, it may be that you're just an entrepreneur and you're just trying to build your business, and that's fine. But even if you're just trying to build your business, you're trying to build a book of business, you're trying to build a bigger client base, so you're still trying to bring more people into your business. So it's a form of still recruiting Right.
John:And sponsoring people to become a part of your business, whether they're a client, a customer, or a partner in your business. And the thing is, you want them to be so curious about what it is you do, that they're they're they're gonna listen intently. Now, if you go and just start talking about what you do, and just throw throw a pitch at them, most people put up a wall, and they get defensive. They're gonna
Vikki:run away. And they're
John:gonna run away. I don't want to be sold on anything. But if I ask ask someone, and I'm genuinely interested, because my curiosity has been piqued to the point where I like, I have to know now what it is you do. Right. And that's happened with with to me with other people that I'm so interested in what it is that they do, and they've never really said it Yeah.
John:That I really wanna know. Yeah. And so now I'm listening, and I'm listening so intently. I'm listening, and it it it's sinking in. If you're throwing a pitch out there, people get pitched on stuff many, many times every single day.
John:Yeah. You're gonna get ignored. It's not gonna work. And if if you're if someone's at a like we're talking about, like a fourth of July barbecue, nobody wants to go to a fourth of July barbecue and get pitched on something. Right?
John:At all. But they're there just to have fun and celebrate our our nation's independence, and just have a good time, they just wanna make friends and just learn about other people just like you're doing. Mhmm. So that should be, I think, your your goal is just to make as many friend that's been our goal everywhere we go, is just make friends. It's it's secondary if they join our business.
John:It's great if they do. But even if they don't, what's the what's the worst case scenario? We made a friend.
Vikki:And we don't oh, they sometimes they don't join our business, but they wanna A lot of times they don't. Coach them. Right.
John:Right.
Vikki:Coach them about their brick and mortar business because we've been through that. And so yeah. Yeah. Definitely. And, yeah.
Vikki:I love that. And I know when you brought that up that we do that everywhere we go, not just fourth of July because I I sometimes say to people, we're collecting friends all over the world. It's just a fun fun thing to say. And the other thing is do not, in our humble opinion, don't bring your business cards. Don't even have it.
Vikki:I got this recently, John. I was at an event, and and, and I guess you would expect to to exchange business cards. But, you know, that's kinda going by the wayside. Instead, let's let's, exchange numbers. Let's follow each other on social media.
Vikki:A lot of women do that. It's more that nowadays instead of that business card. But I had this digital business card kinda shoved down my throat, and I really didn't like it at all. She was like, well, I'll give you my digital business card. And I'm like, did I ask you for your business card?
Vikki:No. So, anyway, definitely, at any barbecue or fun events that you're going to, do not bring your business card. I mean, you could have it in the car. And, if they were, like, begging you because that has happened
John:Mhmm.
Vikki:No. I really want your card. No. Are you sure you don't have any? Like, that really that shows you you're doing the right thing.
Vikki:Like you just said, like, they're chasing you for it. So you could have it in the car, but, don't bring it. Just exchange numbers and do can you do the thing that you do? Do the thing you that's a song, I think, where, let's let's have you hand it to me because I want them to see anyone who's watching. So John, I'll say, I'll pretend to be the prospect and you're the you're talking to me.
Vikki:And, you know, even if I say, hey, it'd be fun to stay in touch. What do you do?
John:Yeah. I just tell them. And like and and oftentimes, people ask me for a business card. And I just tell them, I don't really carry business cards. Because one of the other thing too is when you hand someone a business card, you're basic basically telegraphing that, hey, I want your business.
John:I want something from you. Right? Yeah. And again, people I think I think for at least for me, I don't know if it's true with everyone, but when someone does that to me, the wall goes up. Right?
John:Yeah. I get really defensive. It's like, okay. Now I get it. You're just trying to sell me whatever product or service you have, and that's not what we're going
Vikki:That's why you are talking to me. That's why my Right. My brain goes, that's why he was so interested in me. Yeah. You were
John:genuinely interested in me and my family and what I do and everything else about my life. Yeah. All you cared about was trying to sell your solar. Yeah. Trying to sell your whatever whatever it is.
John:Right? I'm not I don't mean to Totally. Yeah. I'm not trying to
Vikki:Nothing against solar. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Know, there's just so many that are doing that.
John:Exactly. So I don't so when someone says, hey, do you have a business card we should keep in touch? I always just say, no. You know what? I don't have a business card with me, because I I don't usually.
John:I don't care. Yeah. You don't. We do have business cards, because like Vic was saying, there are times when business cards are appropriate, and it's very professional and whatever, but it's rare. Yeah.
John:I would say that by far, more often than not, business cards just are
Vikki:Are a
John:turn off. Yeah. They're kind of old school cheesy.
Vikki:Yeah. Yeah. So John will actually, and I think he's about to do it.
John:So I do is I just take my phone, and I just say, you know what? Why don't we just keep in touch? Let me you know, I can either text you or hear better yet, and I just go right to the contacts, add a contact, then I hand them my phone. Now who doesn't know how to add their name and phone
Vikki:number? And look what I'm doing.
John:In a phone. Right? And then what I tell what I would tell Vicky while she's doing this, I say, you know what? Don't don't hit the save on that, because I don't want her to save that, and then it gets lost in all my contacts. Right?
John:Right. Because I wanna make sure I wanna follow-up with Dick soon.
Vikki:And so then
John:Don't hit the save.
Vikki:This is how easy it is, you guys. He hands it, and Gen z and millennials know this to be true. You're Even baby boomers can figure this out. If they can't, then good lord. But, you know, boomers right now and maybe some Gen X are like, ugh.
Vikki:That feels uncomfortable. Get over it. Just start doing it. Just hand some open to the context like John says and hand it to him. Right?
Vikki:Mhmm. Because they will just enter. You don't even have to say enter your contact. They start doing it.
John:Yeah. Right? Because it is it's so funny because you just don't say a word. Just all I do is press contacts and then the plus symbol to add a new contact, and it goes to that screen, and I just hand them the phone. I don't have to say anything.
John:There's no instructions needed. It's it's it's almost comical. Right? And then they're just thumbs of fury. They're putting all their stuff in there.
John:Yeah. And sometimes they'll put they'll put more than just their name and their phone number. They'll start adding stuff in
Vikki:Like how they add.
John:For and all this other stuff. It's like, you don't really need to do that. Yeah. But that's cool if you do.
Vikki:And then they they don't talk and they hand it right back.
John:So since they hand it back to me, I hit screenshot, and I screenshot that so that then I know, then I hit save. Yeah. So at the end of the day, after I've talked to three or four or five people, I I have the screenshots of all the people that I've talked to, so I know who I need to follow-up with and talk to. And then also what I do is it also gives me a chance to, after I finish this conversation with Vicky, and we leave and go our separate ways, I'll go back and open up her contact that I just saved, because I have the screenshot. Let's say I have a really poor memory, and I forget her name.
John:I thought, oh, yeah, what was her name again? I look back at my library, my picture picture library, right, the the album, and I look back, there it is. There's a screenshot, and there's her name. So then contacts. I find her contact, I go to the notes, and I add in a bunch of notes.
John:Like, what what all those things that I was asking Vicky that I was so so interested in. Right? What do you do for a living? How long have you and your husband married? How many kids do you have?
John:What do you guys do for vacation? You know, so it's all that form, it's it's family occupation and recreation, all the things that are important. It's it's why people would want to join your business. Right? So the the answer she gave me to those questions, I'll put those in there.
John:Vicky married thirty she married well, most people haven't been married long. We have. Let's say
Vikki:Twenty years.
John:Married twenty years. Her husband's name is Joe. Joe. Should I be jealous? Do we know what he says?
John:Her husband's name is John. They have two kids, and I put their kids' names and all that. I put all that stuff in the notes. So when I call or contact Vicky again later, I'll I'll go over those notes and try and refresh my memory on those. Because then because let's face it.
John:As much as we want to remember every detail about people, very few people can. Mhmm. Right? And the ones that can, you guys have a superpower. Right?
Vikki:Right. That's especially I don't
John:have that superpower. So I'll go back through and look at that, and then when I contact Vicky again later, I can say, hey, why don't you and you and your husband, John, why don't we get together? How by the way, how's your kids how are your kids? And I'll mention them by name. Yeah.
John:How do you think that's gonna make you feel?
Vikki:Great. I'll be like, he remembered our kid's name? Yeah.
John:Yeah. So Kids names. Yeah. And it's not it's not disingenuine. Right?
John:Because I do really care about Vicky and her family, and because we're trying to build this this relationship and build these friends. So we wanna know these wanna know them. Yeah. And we are interested. It's just that my memory isn't so good that I remember everything about her life.
John:Definitely not. And we,
Vikki:with our business, start traveling the world with people and go on these trips, and we definitely want to like get to know them very well, like them, all those things. Yeah. It's it's important. It's important. And so perfect segue into the listening, when you're headed down the listening trail and how important that is.
Vikki:Here's what Dale Carnegie, talks about with being a good listener. Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves. In fact, ditch ditch the pitch. Right? Listen for their struggles.
Vikki:And this is where you hear this a lot when you're talking to a business coach these days, but they they say find a solution for people's problems and you'll have a customer for life. So you wanna ask questions about their struggle. So maybe they're struggling with their health. Maybe they're struggling with their energy level. Maybe they don't have confidence.
Vikki:You know, for us, it's perfect if they don't have confidence in their appearance. Although, they're generally not gonna talk about that right off the bat unless unless it's a woman. Stress, finances, you know, listen intently. And John that that's John's superpower is listening and filing it away. You always talk about filing it away
John:Yeah.
Vikki:In your head so that you can put it in the notes on
John:Right. Yeah.
Vikki:When you get their contact.
John:I'll tell you, you know, the other key to that is as soon as you know what that that contact, go back and put those notes in because it's in short term memory. Yeah. It won't last forever. It's kind of in flash memory. And if you don't if you don't put that in in in that contact information Yeah.
John:If you wait a day, even if you wait a couple hours, you're probably not going to remember a lot of the detail that they told you in the in the and the devil's in the detail. Right? The detail matters. Mhmm. Because those are things that are important to them.
John:Right. Like you were just saying, listen to their struggles, and they're gonna tell you. If you let people speak long enough, they'll tell you everything you need to know. Think about, again, I'll go back to a police interrogation. When you if you ever watch these interrogations, they go on for hours.
John:There are people I've interrogated, it's gone all night long, just constantly, just it just goes on and on and on, because the longer you let them speak, the more they're the more info they're gonna give up. And the same is true when you're talking to someone who's a prospect. The more they speak, they're gonna tell you about their struggles. They're gonna tell you about genuine things. Right?
John:The truth comes out. Right. If you can wait it out, the truth will come out, and they'll tell you what they're really struggling with, and and if you can hear their struggles, and if you listen to what they're saying, you can you can come up with solutions for it if you can, hopefully. Right. And if you can, my gosh, what a godsend you are, because you're helping to solve some of their struggles, some of their stress, some of their issues.
John:And that you're you're gonna be like their savior, so to speak.
Vikki:You know what? I was just thinking, like, about people that we know that have different businesses. And this weekend, we're gonna see a gentleman that has his own cabinet company. And his perfect question, you know, or listening for the struggle is maybe somebody who bought a new house and they love the new house, but they're struggling with the size of the kitchen or the way the kitchen's laid out. Like, if you ask enough questions, whatever field you're in, he can find that out.
Vikki:And then he'd be able to say, I don't know if you know, but I'm a I'm a cabinet guy. You could always reach out. You know?
John:So the great thing about it, though, is like like you were just saying. So he's talking to them, and he's got he's in order for him to find out that their cabinets are effed up is for him to ask the questions. Yeah. So he's gotta ask questions about about their new place, about how how are things going, and he knows that since he's a cabinet guy, he's gotta ask questions about cabinetry. Yeah.
John:So he's somehow gonna have to ask the questions about their cabinetry, and then listen. And you listen to them, and they they're gonna say, The cabinets aren't deep enough. I can't fit plates. I can't do this. I can't do that.
John:So he's thinking, okay. Ding ding. I'm gonna file that away. I've got an answer for that. And at the end of the conversation, he's got he's got the solution to their issues, and he can even just say, I know you guys probably don't know this, but that's what I do.
John:I build custom cabinets. Yeah. And I think there's an easy solution to build, to to help you with your cabinets, to get you a couple inches of that extra room in those cabinets to fit your place, to fit your pots and pans, to to get what you need out of out of your current kitchen that's not gonna cost you an arm and a leg. How do you think the people that he was just talking to is gonna respond to that? Like, nah.
John:Not interested. Thanks, buddy. You know? No. Because it's definitely they will be.
John:Yeah. They told them their problems. They don't think they don't even realize that he was actually drawing it out of them. Right? They think that they just volunteered, just just verbal vomited all their problems to him.
John:But then he comes in as, I've got the solution, and it's not gonna cost you much. I can figure this out. I've done this a 100 times before.
Vikki:Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. But you gotta be asking the right questions that eventually lead to that.
John:And you gotta listen. Yeah.
Vikki:You gotta listen. Yeah. Exactly. And keep making it all about them. Yeah.
John:Yeah. Yeah. Right. Because people again, you just want people to feel good about themselves. And what's wrong with that?
John:Right? Yeah. What's wrong with having people feel good? If they walk away if you guys if if you have this conversation over this fourth of July weekend, and over at this barbecue, and you have a conversation with someone, and you're doing everything that we're saying, right, you're ask you're putting it all about them, and you're making them feel good, and and you're not talking about yourself, but they show no interest in you. And they never ask you about what you're doing.
John:And it goes nowhere. You guys go your separate ways, you go over to the smoker, they go over to the cooler and get another beer, Whatever it is, you guys split you guys don't even talk for the rest of the afternoon. What's the harm in it? Yeah. Exactly.
John:You had a conversation with someone, another human being, and you actually made them feel good. Yeah. Totally. It's a win.
Vikki:Totally. And maybe the next time at the next barbecue, you know, if it's family and you know you're gonna see them again, yeah, it could go differently. You know? Just But if it doesn't, it doesn't really matter. Right?
Vikki:It's still
John:a win. You still made someone feel good about themselves. You're a
Vikki:great human being Yeah. Because of it. And, and, you know, I I was gonna ask, that. I was thinking about I wanted to ask the audience that question. You know, when think about the last time that you were at an event and you did, you walked away, event, barbecue, whatever, and you walked away really liking a person.
Vikki:You know, my you might have told your spouse, you know, I really like that guy, Joe.
John:You were Joe, and now I am now I am jealous.
Vikki:Have a friend who's Joe,
John:if you're if you're listening, Joe, I'm coming for you.
Vikki:But maybe it was Joe, and you're both kinda yeah. He was a really nice guy. If you really dissect the whole conversation, he probably didn't he wasn't a know it all. He didn't talk only about himself. He just listened to you.
Vikki:It's kinda it's kinda funny how it works that way, but it's really true.
John:Yeah. It was funny. You were just saying about a know it all. So we were just a day before yesterday or whatever, we were at some well, anyways, we were somewhere, and we had met we had met different different people while we were while we were at this place. And one of the couples we met, the guy was just an absolute know it all.
John:Oh, yeah. And I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna Yeah. Get into the details. I remember. But it was funny because we were sitting seated with a lot of other people, and everyone was getting along.
John:Everything was was going great until he started becoming the Shell Answer Man. So I'm dating myself. Who knows who the Shell Answer Man is?
Vikki:Yeah. Put it in the comments.
John:Yeah. Put it in the comments if you know the Shell Answer Man.
Vikki:The Shell Answer Man.
John:So this guy had the answer to everything. He knew it all. And all of a sudden, the entire demeanor of the entire group Yeah. Changed drastically. It did.
John:People stopped talking To
Vikki:each other. Yeah.
John:Yeah. All they did was they just they got into little clicks. Yeah. Each couple only talked to themselves.
Vikki:I know. That's true.
John:And there was another group that was more than a couple. It was kind of a familial group and just that family. Yeah. And they only talked to themselves, and they completely left this guy out of it. And unfortunately, Vicky and I were just aced out of the whole thing too.
John:Closer further from everybody closer to them. The problem was it just shut the dynamic down of this group conversation, everybody having a good time with mister Shell answer man.
Vikki:You know, and we like the wife because the wife, guess what, was showing interest we were showing interest in her. She was Japanese. She you know, so we were asking about her. She was asking about us. Yeah.
John:No. No.
Vikki:Okay. So yeah. And I'm not gonna say where. I'm not going down that road and all that stuff. But yeah.
Vikki:Exactly. And it was kinda crazy. We didn't even discuss this till now. But I do I I noticed the whole dynamic of the table.
John:There was like a chill came came down across that whole the whole thing. So don't be that guy. Right? Don't be that chill answer guy, shallow answer man, or the chill answer woman. Yeah.
John:Even if you know the answer. Even if know all the answers. Right. Like, just
Vikki:Yeah.
John:It's okay to be a little bit humble.
Vikki:Yeah. And, you know, I my parents taught me that that even, you know, in a conversation, even if you know the answer, but the other person is giving an the answer that and you knew it too. You know, never like, oh, I knew that. It's never never one upping anybody. And I even remember kind of being watching my parents model this for me where they would ask and be genuinely interested.
Vikki:And I knew my parents knew the answer to the question. I remember as a kid thinking, why did mom ask? And my mom's like a trivia expert, and she Yeah.
John:Right. She should have been on Jeopardy. She would smoke Jeopardy.
Vikki:Yeah. She should have. And I remember her asking something that she knew the answer to, and I was thinking to myself, why is mom asking that? But she just was trying to pull the other person out of their shell to talk about themselves, and I thought that was so unique and so amazing. And and I don't even think my parents read the book.
Vikki:But
John:Yeah. So here's here's the the the thing with Vicky's mom and dad about that. I saw her mom do that many times where she knew the answer, and she would sometimes look over, and I look at her, and she would kinda look over and kinda wink like, I know. I'm just trying to get everybody else Yeah. Of a thing.
John:Yeah. And her Vicky's dad was that guy. He would I'm trying to think. He would just ask he would always ask questions about people and their families. And and it wasn't just like a lot of people ask me about my family when I when I see them.
John:Like, oh, how's your mom? And then do you have any siblings? Yeah. I have a sister. How's your sister?
John:And this and that. But I know they're not probably really listening to the answers that I give, because the next time I see them, they'll ask me the same question. Yeah. Oh, so are your mom and dad still alive? Yeah.
John:My dad died many years ago. My mom's still alive. Oh, do you have do you have any brothers and sisters, or are an only child? So I'm thinking, okay. You didn't really listen.
John:Yeah. Vic's dad had this that his superpower was he would listen, and he would remember all these details about people. And he would, like, he constantly would ask me questions about my sister, and I would when I would answer him the last time, I would tell him about what she's doing, and I would actually kind of almost forgotten about it myself. Mhmm.
Vikki:Then he would ask. Yeah. He would, how is Carol?
John:He said, so how's whatever the thing she's working on?
Vikki:And I'm
John:like, oh my gosh. That's right. She's I haven't even asked her about that. Let me I have to I have to get get with her and ask her about that.
Vikki:Did do that.
John:But he would do that. And then when he he passed away a couple years ago, about three years ago. Right?
Vikki:Yeah. June 10. I know that. Yeah.
John:'22. Yeah. And then the the thing was that we met so many people that that had met him that we knew nothing about. Right? So we've never seen this person, never even heard of this person.
John:But everybody had the same thing to share about her dad.
Vikki:Mhmm. And it was hashtag be like Ken at the at the memorial. Because they were saying, wow. He just made you feel like a million bucks every time Yeah. You're with him.
Vikki:Because he he cared and asked about you. Yeah. So it's like proof. It's proof that this works. It was everyone.
Vikki:Everyone.
John:Everyone. Yeah. And so my dad was a lot like that too. I remember my dad when I would go visit him, and I think we talked about this before. I would go visit him, and he was an executive with the with the with the railroad.
John:Right? And he was never in his office. When I would go to see him, I'd drive over there and just just go see him, maybe go to lunch with him or something. And his secretary was like, he's not here again. I'm like, I know.
John:She was like, I can tell you where he's at, though. He's in the maintenance maintenance facility hanging out with the guys, and that was his thing. He just hung out with anyone. So I walk in there. Sure enough.
John:There he is. He's the only one in a suit. Everyone is in just greasy coveralls, just working on locomotives and whatnot, and he's playing poker with these guys. But that was that was him, and he could tell me about every one of them about their personal life.
Vikki:I love that. I really do. Yeah. So it's not always about business. It's about genuinely caring in other people.
Vikki:Yeah. No. I really love that. And because why why I don't always talk about John's dad the way John so is so sweet to remember my dad so affectionately is that when I met John, his dad was not doing well. You know?
Vikki:He only had six month he only lived six months longer after I met John. So I've just heard through you. So I love hearing the stories. I love it. Well, then I would
John:So he died of cancer. Yeah. Same one doesn't know. Yeah.
Vikki:The damn c word.
John:Yeah.
Vikki:F cancer. Right? You guys have all seen that. Yeah. And so we kinda just want to wrap it up about the July 4 and and remind you, decorate.
Vikki:Oh, I got out these cute things. If if you're listening on Spotify or one of the others, you can't see it, but I hope you're all decorating. I still am gonna decorate tomorrow and whatnot. I just love this time of year.
John:And and love your country.
Vikki:Yeah. Absolutely. Be proud of the flag. Doesn't matter politically. Nobody should be thinking politics when it comes to waving the American flag and Yeah.
Vikki:I've I've been just please.
John:Yeah. I've been proud of this country and proud of our flag regardless of who is in office. Right? Regardless of the president and whoever whatever administration it is, it's still The United States Of America.
Vikki:Yeah. The best country on the planet. Right? Right.
John:Yeah. Too many men men and women have died.
Vikki:Yeah. Exactly. For all our freedoms. So freedom definitely isn't free, so we are honoring it this weekend. But just wanted to wrap it up.
Vikki:Yeah. With, don't bring your business cards. Bring your ears, your questions, and your heart. Be magnetic. Be curious, and let the connections open the door to conversation.
Vikki:And finally, let's be real. People don't remember your pitch. They don't. In fact, they run away. Mhmm.
Vikki:They remember how you made them feel at the party, so go and be unforgettable. For sure.
John:Yeah.
Vikki:Awesome. Alright. So happy Independence Day. Happy July 4. See you on the next one.
Vikki:Bye. Thanks for joining us on dig the well.
John:We hope you feel empowered and ready to take on new challenges.
Vikki:Remember, if we can do it, so can you. Keep learning, keep believing, and going after your dreams.
John:And if you enjoyed this episode, share it with someone who needs a little inspiration or maybe a nudge in the right direction.
Vikki:Help us grow this community of go getters. Together, we can achieve greatness and get back to family.
John:Thanks for listening, and let's keep digging the way.