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Manhood often feels like navigating through uncharted territory, but you don't have to walk alone. Join us as we guide a conversation about how to live intentionally so that we can join God in reclaiming the masculine restorative presence he designed us to live out. Laugh, cry, and wonder with us as we explore the ins and outs of manhood together.
Summer Rhythms
Chris Bruno
Hey guys, welcome back to the Restorative Manhood podcast. This is Chris Bruno and I am here joined by my co-host, Mr. Jesse Franz. Jesse, good morning. Hey, good to see you. Welcome to summer.
Jesse French
Good morning! Hello Chris. You too man.
Summer is here, hallelujah.
Chris Bruno
Yeah, I you know, hallelujah and like I don't know what it's like for other parts of the country. You know, yesterday the high was like 71 and then this weekend it's going to be in the like 100 or something like that. Now, if you're in the South, you've got 100 % humidity and it's already been like 200 degrees outside. So whatever like sorry you chose poorly where you're going to live, but like.
Jesse French
Right? Yep.
It really did. Bless y'all and you made a big choice.
Chris Bruno
And I'm going to the mountains this weekend when it's 100 degrees. But yeah, Jesse, right now we are in the like we're in the throes of summer. And you and I are in two kind of different places in our life as a family where right now like I am an empty nester and so I have I have one child, one adult child at home for the summer.
in the like in between times of you know college summer semester kind of thing off so she's home. You have everybody home. All all home so the house is full and the activities are many and and you and your wife both work and you're trying to like balance that and figure all that kind of stuff out so yeah so welcome to summer.
Jesse French
We are all home. Yes. All present.
Yes! Here we are.
Chris Bruno
so I so when you I want I would love for us both to kind of share what we have had to do in the summer in order to balance the summer the rhythms like how have we found ourselves in this? We don't have the external structure of school to keep the kids going and all that you know and get up get on the bus, get home homework, you know that kind of stuff. Summer is always different. How have you? How have you managed?
Jesse French
Yeah. gosh. Well, I would first say that managed feels like a
Chris Bruno
with Summer Rhythm.
Maybe managed is a bad word.
Jesse French
Well, man, just has this connotation of like, you've survived and you're doing it well, which is like, that's the debatable. I think we, as we are several weeks into summer now.
Gosh, I...
Chris Bruno
Do you feel bludgeoned and bloody? Is that what's going on over there?
Jesse French
I just, I don't, don't feel like
so much of that, it, again, I'm trying to like sort through, um, how we have engaged the days and the weeks. And I will say, like, I can say honestly, like we've done some good things. Like my wife and I, think we've done some proactive, um, planning right around like, you know, even on the practical scale of, okay, these are the days that I need to work at home because she's at work, right? Like,
These are the days we need to, you know, line out, some help with the kids, like, which sounds very basic, but I like, there's been some proactive awareness around that. So there's some progress for sure for us, Emily, that hasn't always been the case. So there's a win there. I'm not throwing my wife under the bus. so there's been some like practical navigation of how do we, how do we do the, the like continued, would say maintenance of things, right? Like the reality of.
Chris Bruno
Great, awesome.
Hmm?
Jesse French
work, home, like there's, there's been some good awareness of allowing those, those responsibilities to be met. but I would say, and I would also say there's, there's been some good planning and saying like, Hey, look, this weekend, we're going to go do go camping. You know, this is when we're going to take our family summer vacation. some good proactive pieces there. I think the,
the pause or some of the hesitancy even in my response when you first asked it is like the challenge that that we feel or that I feel is how do we both take advantage of the opportunity of summer and and maximize that yet also the phrase that we use sometimes is yeah also realizing like
we can't be like a cruise ship for 24 seven for three months where it's just like activity after activity. And then we're to go do the slide and then there's going to be the like pineapple buffet and you know, like then there's the concert, right? Like, don't know if that's a real thing. Probably not. I've never been on a cruise. Clearly. But that tension of how do you maximize like take it back? I'll say that. How do you take advantage yet? Also realizing like the it can't
Chris Bruno
I hope it's
Jesse French
It can't be nonstop, like amazing, awesome, Instagram worthy activity happening all day. So those are some words for what, well, actually a lot of words, but yeah, there you go. What, like you said, you alluded to it, you're in much different season. what has, what kind of have, how have you managed these last couple of weeks with the reality that you're in?
Chris Bruno
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, those are some words. Yeah.
Yeah, for us, has been, it's only been a slight change, honestly, from the regular calendar year, school year, in that, so our daughter's home and we may see her in the morning. You know, she's a college student, so she sleeps, we left this morning and she was still asleep. And that would be normal, like, God bless you.
Jesse French
Yeah, yes.
Right?
Yeah.
Chris Bruno
And she's also working and so she has her own schedule and she's also doing like her own things. And so we may see her in the morning. We may not. We may see her in the evening. We may not. So for our our schedule, it has been really just like, are you going to be home for dinner or not? Do we need to do we need to cook three meals or two meals? Like what's what's happening? I think and that just makes it easier. The maximizing piece and I say easier because we don't have.
Jesse French
Right.
Chris Bruno
you know, little kids running around that we have to maintain all the time and, and whatever. So the, the maximizing piece, I feel that too, because I also feel like, all right, the summer, the weather is warm. I want to do the house projects. I want to get outside. I want to do the things, you know, that, that I have been waiting to do. I want to go paddle boarding. want to go hiking. I want to go camping. Like how and where is that all going to fit, to take advantage of, of the weather.
Jesse French
Right. All right.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Chris Bruno
And then because the summer doesn't really slow down. And I think maybe this is a just generalized misnomer misunderstanding. Summer is not a slow down.
Jesse French
Yes, it is not.
Chris Bruno
It is not a slowdown for adults.
Stop expecting it to be a slowdown. It is a slowdown for kids because their rhythm stops and they don't have homework anymore. But the slowdown doesn't happen for adults is actually increases. And so I don't know why people just have this like perspective. Like there's so much open time in the summer and we're going to have all there's so many opportunities and all that. And it's like, no, there's not actually because now I have to balance all the things.
Jesse French
Okay.
Chris Bruno
both my expectations of the projects I'm gonna do, my work which doesn't slow down, and the kids on top of all of it. It just is an increase, which is where we get to the fall and all of the parents are like, just they're in the 25th mile of the marathon. Like, just kept asking, they want to school, yes. The thing I wanna just notice though too, Jesse is that,
Jesse French
Yeah, they're like limping
Yeah.
Chris Bruno
You said something I think of a lot of people, myself included. We have these mindsets that the days, the weeks and the days are important. And I want to come back to the summertime minutes are more important than days. And that, you know, we plan these great vacations and we do that, like go do those things, have your great vacations and plan those.
Jesse French
Mmm, it's just...
Chris Bruno
those whole big time, spend all your money and go to all the places. Go to the pineapple buffet. And the most memorable thing for your child and the most memorable thing for you in any relationship with your wife, with your friend, with whoever you're doing those things with is not gonna be the day. It's gonna be the minutes, the moments.
Jesse French
Go to the pineapple buffet.
Chris Bruno
that you have where you are sitting together in some kind of space connected conversation.
That's what's, so the vacation day is unto those moments. Not for the vacay, so let's not sacrifice the moments for the better, for more days.
Jesse French
Right. That's helpful. Why? Why do you think that's why do you think that dynamic is true? Why do we do I do we shift our attention towards the days towards the week at the expense of the the minutes?
Chris Bruno
Well, I think we get caught up in the activity of things. I think we get caught up in the newness of things, the new place that you're going to, or the pineapple buffet on the cruise ship that you don't normally have in everyday life, right? You get caught up in the splendor of all that, and it becomes about the, it becomes an entertainment factor and enjoyment factor, which is again, all great and fine. And if it's at the sacrifice of the actual relational,
connection that you have with yourself, with the Lord, with your spouse, with your children, with your friends. If you sacrifice great days for no moments, then you will have very little memories.
Jesse French
It's good. It makes me think of, there's some authors that we at really like, Chip and Dan Heath, they've written like a bunch of fascinating books around a variety of topics, but one of them is called The Power of Moments. It's a book that's several years old, but they set out to ask the question like, what makes experiences memorable? what is kind of the...
Chris Bruno
Yeah.
Jesse French
the science, the anatomy behind that. And they talk about this term called the peak end rule. And it's this kind of proven concept that really in our minds, we mostly focus on the peak of an experience and the end of an experience. And if those two things are overall positive, like
that will shade the entire experience. So the example that they give is, I think there was a study where they took people who went to Disneyland for a day and they said, okay, hey, on a scale of one to 10, 10 being awesome for each hour of the day that you just spent at Disneyland, like rate that one to 10. So they did that, right? And it kind of ebbs and flows. So they did that. And then they also asked, or maybe even before that, before that,
Chris Bruno
Okay, ready?
Jesse French
I'm getting my timing a little mixed up. But they also asked, hey, overall, like the stay at Disneyland, what was your overall number one to 10? And what they realized was that before, when they asked them that rating, that number of overall what was it was not the true average of those hours, right? Because there was like, they spent time waiting in line for Space Mountain and that was
lame and boring and that was a three out of 10 and then they dropped their ice cream cone, right? Like, but what the point was is we actually, the end of an experience and the peak of the experience are the most important and that will color, right? Like the rest of it. And so I think that that's giving credence to what you're talking about. Like actually the minutes matter, right? The goal is not to have a five day trip where you're 10 out of 10 for
Chris Bruno
That's the bit.
Jesse French
you know, 72 hours straight or four days, right? It is to say, look, there's going to be some boring things where your hot dog gets burned on the fire and like the minutes matter. Like that's actually the scale to be aware of.
Chris Bruno
I love that. And I would say also that the peak and the end, if we're going to take those, those are going to be the most relationally connected moments of the entire experience. And so if you are planning a vacation, don't just plan the pineapple buffet, but be intentional about planning for the relational connection moments. an example, and this is where I'm, I'm right in the middle of this right now. So,
Jesse French
Yes.
Yeah.
Chris Bruno
My older daughter, who's no longer lives with us, she's off, she lives in Washington, D.C., she graduated college, and our tradition after any of the kids graduate college is that for them to have a father-child kind of final launching trip that I'm going, you I take them on, some kind of epic trip. So I'm planning this with her or for her, and we have a pretty epic trip that I've planned out for her, which includes hiking and.
and some rafting and all those kinds of things. But I know that I want each morning, I am intentionally choosing some kind of small little gift that has meaning about her person. And I'm gonna write a note and give her the gift for every day. And my hope is that of the...
23 hours and 55 minutes of each day. Those five minutes of sitting with her. I've created that whole day for the five minutes. To have that peak that be the peak of the day and and yes, the rafting will be fun and all the things that we're going to do. Those are going to be loads of fun. My hope is that it's the relational connection that the entire architecture of the day is is unto.
Jesse French
Hmm.
Mm-mm.
Chris Bruno
those those moments. Now, that being said, it doesn't have to be the big epic trip. So the daughter who's home this summer, right? I am I am looking for five minutes a day with her to sit to talk maybe a little bit longer to go on a walk or something like that, just to have these these moments of connection.
Jesse French
Right, right.
Chris Bruno
Because even if she's going off to work and I'm going off to work and all that kind of stuff and we're busy in the summer schedule, we still can have those five minutes of connection. And that's where I hope that we don't allow the summer craziness to overwhelm us to the degree that we're like, I have to make things happen. I have to make things happen. They're big plans. And we lose the sense that the biggest things that happen in the summer are in the smallest of moments.
Jesse French
Mm-hmm. That's good.
which, which should feel like good news, right? Like, okay, it actually the, the ask of, of me right actually is, is to be fully present, attuned, generous, like, fully dialed into the people around me like that that takes energy right to do that well for sure. But like
Chris Bruno
Amen.
Jesse French
That actually will be the memorable thing. Not, hey, plan this just epic, epic adventure that just crushes it on all the levels. And is that fine? Like you said, sure, great. Yeah, that can be fun. And what is yours to do actually is not that. It is to attune, to dial in, to create those spaces of connection.
Chris Bruno
Yes.
Yes, and plan the epic adventure for sure. Do the fun things, go on those vacations, go camping, do all those things, but those are not surrogates for the actual five minute connection. So I think we just assume, how many of us have been on some amazing epic adventures? And we remember very little of it.
Jesse French
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Chris Bruno
And we remember very little of the people that we were with because we did some really cool, amazing things, but we didn't have that landing place in a relational connection. So on the flip side, if you don't have big summer plans, if you don't go camping, if you can't afford to, if you don't have space to, if you've got 25 children that you're watching at home and like whatever, like you just can't do those things. I just want to say like,
Jesse French
Yeah. Yeah.
Chris Bruno
Okay, that doesn't mean also that you can't have these moments of connection.
So it's good news.
Jesse French
It is. Chris what?
What as we think about those those pockets of time of connection of being present what what things come to mind again not not that it's a formula but like what what postures or yeah just awarenesses would would we would it be helpful to have on our mind of like hey I want to I want to foster that I want to value that
I want to make that happen and how does that come together?
Chris Bruno
I think, again, this is not a formula, but I like any sentence that starts with these words.
I noticed...
I wonder, I'm excited. So I noticed you've gotten really good at basketball. How has that been for you? Right? And just like, allow, allow for that, you know, or, or if it's, know, with your wife, like, Hey, I noticed you got a new shirt today. Right? So as simple as that, that can lead to connection.
Jesse French
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.
Chris Bruno
I wonder is, right, like, hey, I've been wondering how this year has been for you. Or I'm wondering, you know, what you'd be interested in doing this weekend. I'm wondering, hey, you know, we're going to go camping this weekend. I'm wondering, what is the thing you're looking most forward to?
Jesse French
Yep.
Chris Bruno
Or I'm excited is a tee up a little bit for like this blessing is like, I'm really excited to be with you.
Jesse French
Yeah. Yeah.
Chris Bruno
I'm excited to hear like, look at you. You, you've got that guitar chord down pat. Like I'm excited for where this is going.
Jesse French
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
I love those. Those are, they're so practical. And we at Restoration Project talk about these postures of awareness, curiosity, and kindness. And there's just wonderful layers to the application of those postures. And those three questions are the application of those postures in a way.
Chris Bruno
huh.
Jesse French
beautifully simple way, right? I noticed, I'm aware, I'm paying attention. Hey, I wonder, I'm being curious, right? And I'm excited, right? This kindness of, I see this in you, right? And so, just the, I love that application of that, even those postures can get played out in the simple but very, very thoughtful way.
Chris Bruno
this.
Yeah, yeah. And what ends up happening, Jesse, in the summer plans is that we lose awareness, curiosity and kindness because the schedule overruns our capacities. And we're relying on the pineapple buffet to be the wow factor when in fact, as a father, as a man, as a husband, as a friend, the wow factor is not what I can create externally. The wow factor is like,
Jesse French
Yes, yes, yes.
Chris Bruno
I see you. That is, and so you can have your cruise ship or you can have your like couch at home that you're sitting on at night. Those, can be equal to the creation of that.
Jesse French
Yeah. Yes.
Yes,
for sure. One of the things that we, so we are privileged to be able to offer a bunch of father son and father daughter experiences during the summer. offer experiences just for men as well. And one of the phrases that we, that we talk about amongst the leaders who are guiding that trip is they're preparing and
having a sense of the arc of that time and what all needs to happen in the schedule is the schedule is not the idol. Like, yes, we have the days planned out for what we are planning for and the schedule serves the people.
Chris Bruno
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Jesse French
Right? Like we say that, you know, remind ourselves, we remind the volunteers, like I have to remind myself of that. I've like, look, the people don't serve the schedule. The schedule is built for the people. So when we need to be able to flex and audible and move the schedule around sometimes in major ways, we do that on because of the people so that, so that they can be attended to well, so that these, these places of awareness and curiosity and kindness and connection can be sought after.
Chris Bruno
Yes, absolutely, absolutely. you know, can we have that same posture during the summer? That the plans that we've made serve the people in our family.
Jesse French
Yeah. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Chris Bruno
Summer's hard. It's just hard for all the reasons. And if you can make it through a summer, like you're a champ.
Jesse French
And I think, think maybe the last thing I would just say is I think we talked about it maybe a while ago on a podcast, like, give yourself permission to aim lower, right? Of like this expectation of again, it just has to be 10 out of 10 on all these levels. Like, Hey, it can be okay to aim lower. expectation is again, not.
Chris Bruno
Yeah.
Jesse French
Not for all of those things to be five star worthy. The hope is, for minutes and to go after those, those pockets of connection.
Chris Bruno
Yes, yes. yeah, aim for the minutes and everything else is gravy.
Jesse French
So good.
Chris Bruno
Yeah, good. Well, good luck this summer.
Jesse French
Thank you. You too. You too.
Thanks, Chris. Talk to you later.