Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Authentic gay conversations on personal development, life coaching, and mental health. Join Keegan Hirst, founder of Gay Man's Coaching and former professional rugby player, for weekly real talk about gay lifestyle, coming out, relationships, business, and authentic living. Deep, honest conversations that help gay men build confidence, find community, and create vibrant, unapologetic lives.
00:00
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Gay Man's Coaching podcast. The podcast for gay men who want to be happier, healthier and be in complete control of their lives and feel confident doing it. I am really excited about this week's episode. We're going to be speaking to one of the newer members of the GMC coaching team. He's also just very recently got married. So a huge congratulations to Matt.
00:29
Just before I delve into this episode though, and talking about his insights ah after years as a coach and working with gay men previously, we're going to talk about some of the recurring themes that come up with working with gay men. But before that, just a couple of announcements. We just have a few places for the GMC retreat in August left that is going to be down in Cornwall. It's a beautiful part of the world.
00:58
Um, uh, we've had, we've only had 24 places for the retreat and most of them are gone now. Um, so if you want to claim one of those last few places, please do get in. You can play, obviously you can pay in full. There is also a payment plan as well. can use Klan or, whatever. Um, so you don't have to pay all out in a winner. Um, but it's going to be an incredible experience with an incredible group of people. We've also got the June, uh, massive action day.
01:28
So get your tickets for that. Again, fantastic venue down in Stratford. And we'll have a fantastic day and then we'll have a bit of a social afterwards. other than that, guys, let me introduce Matt Print, as I said, one of our newer coaches at GMC. A fantastic fit with what we're about. And has some incredible experience with what he's done over the years. So uh here we go, Matt Print. All right, Matt, welcome.
01:56
Um, great to have you on the GMC podcast. Thank you for jumping on. No worries. It's nice to be here. Bit daunting, but it's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. Don't worry. We're all, we're all friends here. Um, I mean, for anyone listening, just do as a little, who you are away from what you do inside GMC. Okay. So I am Matt. I'm based in Coventry, which is in the middle of the UK. Cause loads of people are like, don't know where it is. Um, I've been a coach for 15 years ish.
02:26
Um, but in GMC, yeah, I'm one of the success coaches. I came into fitness through a very different route, but I'm sure we'll get into that down the line. yeah, definitely. Uh, you know, very interesting journey into coaching. Um, before we get into that, you've, touched on being new to GMC. You're very new to GMC last few, few months.
02:52
Two months, yes. When did he join? It feels like forever. That's a compliment. What was it about? Because you're a great culture fit for GMC. You've slotted straight in, like everybody loves you. I don't. What was it about GMC that made you think, yeah, this is a bit of me, this is for me?
03:18
Well firstly, going back to that point, I've been described as a good time by one of the members, and I'm like, I'm not sure how to take that, because it makes me sound like a hooker. Not a reputation, well it is a reputation, but not that one. Why did I join? I think as a coach, it's quite a lonely job. Which is probably why, side to coaching, I enjoy having my Zumba classes, and, you know, even within that, the power of community, and I think also as a gay man, it's nice to...
03:48
belonged to a community as well in that context. So it was mainly community and it, well, when I got inside and I came to the mad day, I was like, Oh, actually this is really fun. Not that I didn't think it was not going to be just to caveat that, I was like, Oh, this is really nice. And the people are really nice. And it's nice seeing the impact outside of fitness, fat loss, body composition change and all that kind of thing. Yeah. It was really nice. Yeah. You throwing yourself in at the deep end and come into our
04:15
a massive action day in Manchester at the end of the year and people sharing their stories and you know, that's a big part of, big part of what we do, isn't it? Like you said, it's not a transformational thing. It's a, well, it is, but a life rather than just focusing on, on the physical. And I know that is, you know, kind of in line with your own coaching philosophies, your own coaching practices, which is, you know, kind of why I said about being such a great culture fit. talk us through then your journey that.
04:45
you know, what led you into coaching in the first place? Okay, we'll go back to 2010 because that's kind of when it all kicked off. So I was out of uni, I studied music composition, so you know, music was what I thought I was going into. And then I had a breakup in the April of that year and I was feeling bad because I'd broken up with someone, you know, it wasn't no one cheated anything, it was just a breakup and you know, they don't feel great.
05:15
And rather than going and doing my usual gym program, I was like, I'm going to try this Zumba class. So of course I was the only guy at the back of the class. But for that hour, I switched off. disconnected from my own life. You know, it was just nice to have that hour out of my feelings and just feeling good, except, you know, exercise gives you the feel good hormones, especially in something like a Zumba class when it's community. And then I kept going to help me feel good during the
05:44
process of, you know, processing the breakup. And then I was like, well, the music work was a bit inconsistent. So was like, I can just train to be a summer instructor and just cover classes for a bit of extra income. So anyway, I did that and I was actually quite popular because I was a gay man teaching a fitness class to a group of, you know, women. So I was popular and my classes took off. And so I kind of followed the money, not that I was doing for the money, but yeah.
06:14
So anyway, pay those bills, right? We all got bills to pay. then anyway, we're going to fast forward now. That was going well. But then I went through another breakup. actually always good things have come from my breakup. So that's the positive. So I'm holding onto that. But that one was far harder. I was really heartbroken. And so my best friend at the time, who was the studio manager, she was a PT. So she was like, just come and train with me. And it was a chance to see my mate and also
06:43
Um, do something that's good for my body. And that's when I started strength training properly and doing free weights, deadlifting squats and being like, Oh, I can now see the body I actually wanted to achieve. Cause until that point, you're just a slimmer version of the same body. But it was again, the confidence it gave me and all that kind of jazz. And I was like, do you know what? These two things have given me so much.
07:10
um, in life outside of just the aesthetic. So I was like, I want to give that to other people because on a one-to-one level or even group coaching, you can have a greater impact in a different way. that's why I went into coaching because it's given me freedom, confidence, and it's, and as a gay man, what I feel is I am ma far more secure in my
07:36
masculinity as such, but also my femininity because I think as a Zumba instructor, I was talking to one of your members the other day on a coaching call. And I was like, early on when I was a PT, someone was like, Oh, I didn't know you were gay. And I wore that as a badge of honor. And now looking back, like, I see that actually it's a bit problematic because I was almost trying to be something I'm not. Whereas now I'm like, yeah, I can turn on the campsite and be fierce in Zumba, but I can also
08:03
embrace having a masculine physique. So I feel more comfortable in myself. So that's why I'm a coach, because I think it's the ripple effect of the work we do in the gym, taking care of ourselves. Absolutely. And it's so many coaches who go through their own journey, realize the impact that that has on other areas and then want to give that back to to other people. So with that, with your style of coaching, what would you say?
08:32
What would you say makes your style of coaching yours? uh What makes it? I think because for me, I have lost like four stone and managed to sustain it without always using the same tools as people in terms of now I'm at a position of maintenance without regularly weighing myself, without tracking calories all the time.
09:02
So I think that has impacted how I coach because I've had to reflect on my own journey because it's not like many people's and I had to really get to grips as well. How did I actually make this transformation? Because it can't have been accidental, but there wasn't necessarily the lock-in necessary that necessarily. So
09:27
On that, guess for me, I am very much about how do we engineer our environment to guarantee success? Cause it's all well and good tracking your calories. But if you're just treating it like a post-mortem and looking back and being like, well, I haven't hit my protein and I've got no calories left. It almost defeats the point of the tracking. mean, it's information and awareness, but then I'm very much on the, how do we plan at the start of the week? How do we look in some time to
09:58
make life easier in the week because I don't have time to cook in the week. So I, at the weekend will prep and it's a big key foundation of how I've managed to succeed in my own journey by being organized and having systems that make guarantee that happening, guess. So answer the question. Prevention rather than reactive. Yeah. Yeah. Rather than reactive. Definitely. Definitely. Because
10:27
It's almost too late when you're in it. People are wondering. Once you've inhaled the tin of Ben and Jerry's then you've had Ben and Jerry's right. mean, what, so with that then with, is there a particular type of client that you connect with the most? Is there a particular type of client that you maybe don't connect with? Because you know, we've, I've spoken on this podcast with other coaches and you know, there's
10:55
I genuinely believe there's a right coach for everybody, but one coach is not right. The same coach is not right for everybody. So what kind of clients do you naturally connect with and maybe the ones that you talk? I would say I definitely connect more with the clients who want to look like they go to the gym, but also know how to have a good time. Because you are a good time. Apparently so. uh I'll wear that badge.
11:25
Um, so I don't think give me, maybe I'm doing myself out of a job, but I don't think I was hired or I'm going to be given the photo shoot clients, the people who want the ripped six pack. think I am more suited to the people who want to get into the gym, get it done and get on with their life. So they want their fitness and nutrition to support everything else rather than it.
11:52
And no shade to anyone who like it is their life and they love it. And, know, huge physique goals, body fat percentage goals. But I think I'm kind of for the everyday. I Yeah. The real, the real life people. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's who I connect with most. And also I like working with the people who don't believe it's possible and they don't, they don't quite see yet.
12:20
that it is possible to achieve their body goals and sustain it without holding onto these super rigid like safety nets of, if I don't track, I'm going to lose it. So just, you know, and sometimes you have to take them away and people swing a bit too far the other way to be like, well, this is how we get to continue. Yeah. think, yeah, I think something that's something that
12:49
Certainly my approach of coaching has changed over the years, going from being a professional athlete where it was the sole focus to being a business owner and not being able to be the sole focus. Because people fall into this myth of balance totally, but it doesn't really exist and it kind of peaks and troughs and ups and downs. I want to touch on, obviously it's gay man's coaching and our clients are gay, and trans men.
13:18
We have gay coaches, me and you being two of those, and we have non-gay coaches, straight coaches. I don't know if they'll stay straight in 2026. As a gay coach, who can obviously sympathize and empathize with our clients, what do you think gay men often need more of than maybe their straight counterparts that they don't like to admit out loud?
13:50
friends. I know that sounds like a basic thing, but I didn't have many gay friends. I didn't have any gay friends really until 2018. And I didn't know how much I needed gay friends or gay by trans, you know, friends. We're using gay as a catchall guys. Yes, we are. Because there's a relatability and that there isn't there with
14:20
straight men in terms of... I don't have to explain my lifestyle. I know we're like, being gay isn't a lifestyle, but there are certain things that are inherently part of being gay, and I think it allows you to connect on a deep level without having to like break things down, and some things just heterosexual people just don't get. And it like blows their minds and
14:48
and not having to go through that and deal with it. then, yeah, yeah. It's like a lot of groundwork is already done. So in your experience then, what's different given what you've just said and also things that are not tied to that, what's different about coaching gay men versus coaching straight men? What's different? I think we have a lot of pressures on us
15:18
in different ways compared to heterosexual men in terms of, you know, the aesthetic pressures, the pressures to behave a certain way. And it works in both ways. Some of us do fit into stereotypes and being okay with that. And there's some of us who don't fit into that. So, um, what was the question? The question was, what's the difference? What's different? I think it's just that there's a commonality. There's almost,
15:47
lots that you don't have to say, I think, to gay men about the gay men's experience. just also being able to relate to, you know, I'm not saying that any of our heterosexual coaches aren't able to do this because we're all humans at the end of the day, but like having gone through certain difficult things, challenging things,
16:12
affect us in so many different ways, I think. Yeah, I agree. I think it gives us a shared perspective, shared lens to look at things through. But you touched on then, like obviously, straight coaches have a different perspective. And I know like our clients love it as well, but I love that we have a blend of gay coaches and non-gay coaches. And obviously you've seen that in action with
16:41
the clients and our events. Why do you think that that mix is powerful?
16:51
I don't think you can ever have too many perspectives on something because we as gay men will have unconscious biases to certain things and potentially have stories and excuses we've made for ourselves that we blame on our sexuality that maybe a heterosexual coach might come in and be like, is it really harder because of XYZ or have you thought about it in this terms or
17:20
There's also the perspective of knowing that there are straight men who can be allies out there and it, we don't have to be so, I'm not saying we are, but segregated. don't have to, you know, it's okay to share different experiences and different perspectives because it makes us richer human beings. Yeah, I agree. I,
17:45
I agree 100 % about the difference of perspectives and lived experiences. And I think it's so good that we have, we have straight coaches, we have gay coaches, we have coaches from affluent backgrounds, working class backgrounds. have, you know, even we have two psychotherapists and one is gay and one is straight. And, you know, it just offers a very different take on things. And, you know, one of the things that we do as coaches is challenge.
18:11
beliefs and limiting beliefs and ideas that we have about what's possible and what's not possible. You spoke about that earlier about instilling that belief in other people when they don't have it themselves. Yeah, I think I totally agree. And I think that's really powerful. I mean, since for you then Matt, since coming into GMC and you know, it's only been a couple of months, but what are some patterns
18:39
that you find showing up again and again with our clients, know, challenges that they're working through or obstacles or is there any kind of commonalities that you're finding with clients? Yes. And I am going to share it. Sorry. It's like, yes, next question. I think it's going to come as no surprise to anyone. And luckily I'm not going to, I don't have to name and shame one particular client, not that.
19:08
That's what I want to do. But I think the expectation that if they're not a hundred percent on it, a hundred percent at the time, then they're failing. I think that is something that across the board seems to happen. We all have traits of that, perfectionism. And because of that, I think people sometimes struggle to zoom out.
19:37
And I'm going to go down two lenses. Number one, holistically, like life is hard and people have really tough things going on and people get ill and injured and then they, they automatically think, well, this is going to screw up my progress. It's about having enough perspective to be able to go, no, when you are
20:07
you know, giving yourself excuses, et cetera. And when actually you're just dealing with life and you're, what you've got to do is learn to navigate around it. And rather than looking at what you're not doing, let's focus on what can I do? What's the next thing I can do that is going to get me towards my goal? Because I think it's, it's completely unrealistic to expect that during your training life, you're never going to be sick. You're never going to be injured at some point.
20:36
And there's not going to be a week when you eat out a lot more than normal. So I think, you know, just having that kind of like holistic ability to zoom out, I think, which is what the power of coaching is, because sometimes we do want someone to call us out on our bullshit, but we also want someone to reassure us that actually the right thing to do right now is rest. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's, I think that's a fear that people have, isn't it? When they, especially when they start coaching relationship is
21:05
is they think that the coach is just going to be more, more, more, harder, harder, harder, steady on, know, drive, push, do more, be more, you know, go for it. And if you're not, then you're shit. But I think that's, you you touched on it earlier and I think that's certainly, I have been very guilty of that as a, whether that's from being an athlete, whether that's from being a gay man, probably a mix of many things. You know, that's certainly something that I've struggled with, but.
21:34
I had a conversation, it was with one of your clients actually earlier today and he was worried about his shoulder niggle and I said, like they happen, like I don't think my body's felt not had a niggle for 20 years. We are robust and we're okay, but you also don't have to run yourself into the ground either. It's about, you touched on it earlier quite eloquently about that balance of being able to know when.
22:00
the grace to say, you you've done enough here, you've been working hard, can, you know, or the other side of that, which is to kick on and not let yourself off the hook. So yeah, I've interrupted you there because you said you were going on two things. So what was the other thing? What was the other thing?
22:20
Must have been a lie.
22:24
But I think another thing on that is, and I, you know, I know you have a business coach and I've had coaches in my life in various different realms. And it's this feeling, I don't know what it is about the dynamic that if you're not doing everything as you should be, there's this fear of letting the person down and that, but the coaching relationship to me is I'm here to support you and cheerlead you. It's not that I have
22:53
My job as a coach is to hold you to the standards and the expectations you have set and the goal that you have set you said you want. So they're almost not my goals. It's like, this is your thing that I am supporting you with. So if you haven't been able to do something this week, tell me, give me the context, but you haven't let me down. And I put a post on the hub, I think yesterday about
23:19
It's almost at those points when people want to withdraw because they're like, Oh, I haven't quite done this and I'm worried I'm letting them down or they're going to be cross that actually, no, no, no, this is the power of coaching. need to lean in right now and tell me what's happening and what's showing up because we can't change behavior and patterns if I don't know what's happening. I'm in the dark. Something I find, as I said, we are really good coaches, but up until now we haven't learned how to read minds yet. So if, uh, if people
23:48
stick and I've had this conversation with coaches and clients even on this podcast and it's a trait of men in general, it's not specific to gaming, it's men. And I don't know if it's a societal thing, a patriarchal thing, an upbringing thing, a masculinity thing, a natural thing that when shit hits the fan and stress goes up a little bit, we go, okay, everybody go away, everybody,
24:17
you know, step back, I'm gonna do this on my own. And it's always the last thing that we need. And it's not necessarily that we want people to fix things. Sometimes we just need to go, I'm in a bit of a shit spot and this is where I'm at. And then people can go, that's okay, it's okay to be in a shit spot. You don't need to have it all figured out all the time. Like you said, it is very prevalent among gay men with perfectionism and are...
24:45
value and worth being tied to looking perfect or being productive or that's why so many of us struggle with burnout. You know, I'm seeing that more and more and more. um So I guess, you know, to kind of wrap this up then, Matt, off the back of what you've spoke about there and challenges that people are facing, for someone who's listening to this podcast who wants to not feel like that or who wants to feel better physically, mentally, emotionally,
25:15
What is one thing that you would advise them to stop doing?
25:21
I'm going to switch that around and tell them what to do. Okay. Go for changing the question. Sorry, Ross. Your podcast. ours. I think, listen to your beliefs that you're telling yourself, but then what I want you to do is to look for the evidence to support that and the evidence to challenge that. And what I mean for illustration is like,
25:51
I've had clients who are like, hate exercise, I hate exercise. But when you look at what they're doing, I'm like, you can't hate it that much because you were showing up regularly. This is an old identity. We now need to catch up with this and look at the evidence and being like, well, if you hated this, you wouldn't be doing it. And, you know, let's look at the evidence. You're showing up regularly and all you're doing by holding onto that old belief is making it harder for yourself to show up. Because imagine having a kid being like,
26:20
We're going to do this thing now, but you are going to hate it. You're doing the same thing. You're almost, it's not gaslighting. Is it gaslighting? I never sure what gaslighting a hundred percent here, but you're almost- It's not healthy anyway. It's not healthy and it's not helpful. So stop doing it. End of full stop. Yeah. I like that. think, yeah, treat it like it's a court of law, right? Yeah. With, with proof for and against and see which stacks up. That's awesome. I think there's some, some really good insight there.
26:51
I'm sure people will get lots of value from that. If you've got any questions, obviously you can reach out to myself or Matt. If you're not in GMC, you can email me and mate, thank you for jumping on. Really appreciate you sharing. Do you need my post box for all the fan mail? Yes, I'll put it in the podcast notes and we'll set you up a PO box. Thank you. And we'll be back next week. Well, I'll be back next week. Matt and I might taken over the podcast by then.
27:19
oh I'll be back next week. uh In the meantime, stay safe, look after yourself and don't eat and drink and behave at the expense of how you want to look and feel. And I will see you next week. Thanks, Matt.