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Cinema PSYOPS is a weekly film review podcast where we experiment on an impressionable mind to find out why physical wounds heal, but Cinematic ones don't.
And welcome to the final episode of Year 9.
That's right, we are finally at 468 consecutive weeks of Cinemapsyops.
Joining me in the joy that is the end of our Al Adamson coverage is my co-host Matt.
So jacked up, I'm fucking Mountain Dew Baja Blast right now that my piss is green, and when I orgasm, bop to the bop from Kid Rock Blades.
I don't fucking know, I'm seeing vibrations, man.
I'm just chugging diet Dr.
Pepper and getting high on legally derived hemp highs.
On life.
From Delta 8.
Getting high on life.
So the commentary that we're about to do for Al Adamson's Death Dimension, which is the final film that we are covering, we're gonna skip Lost and Carnival Magic.
He made those in the 80s.
I had really no interest in doing them.
I was trying to come up with an excuse, and my excuse was thusly this.
I don't wanna fucking do it, so we're not.
Yeah, fuck it.
Yeah, that's all there is to it.
That's enough of an excuse.
We're adults, we can do that.
And since Adamson has literally phoned in every single production we have covered, we have finally decided to phoned in ourselves, and we're doing a lame-ass commentary.
Literally, we phoned in this entire series.
We followed the man's energy, all right?
Yeah, but, I mean, in all honesty, since I got you that new microphone that you've been using, you've been phoning in this show for a very long time, since that microphone came in, because you've been hooking it up to your phone.
I have it abusing my phone.
It's funny.
You're funny.
It's a play on words like that.
You did good.
Yeah, we did all right there.
Okay.
So, death dimension, I know fuck all about it, other than it's an Al Adamson working with Jim Kelly, so this should be fun to do a commentary on, more so than to try and recreate and do notes on, is my thought.
And then also, because I think we deserve a little break, we've done enough.
We've suffered enough for you.
Listen, man, we've been through more, all right?
And I don't think we gotta keep doing it.
Yeah, we stared into the abyss, and the abyss said, Hey, there, what you do?
The abyss stared back, and I blinked like a motherfucker.
I didn't blink.
The abyss was like, Hey there, what you doing?
And I said, nothing.
The abyss asked me if that napkin smelled like chloroform.
The abyss is like, Hey, you cover Al Adams, and you're prepared to stare into me for a long time.
You're right, buddy.
The abyss asked me if we needed to talk.
The answer to that is-
The abyss asked me if I wanted to go out back, throw the ball around a bit.
The abyss asked me why I keep thinking that tattoos are the equivalent of therapy.
The abyss has given you your next tattoo.
Well, that's going to take a long time.
Let's stop fucking around.
Let's get into the commentary.
All right, everybody hover over your play buttons if you're ready to go.
We're about to cover Death Dimension as Episode 468, and the final episode of Year 9 for Cinemapsyops.
Everybody ready to go?
So Death Dimension is spooled up, and we are right on the screen with the first cut about to happen to some lady's forehead.
That's where everything's popping up.
Depending upon where you're at, it's pretty much the first frame when it starts getting bright is where we're at.
We have about an hour and 27-ish minutes to go for this piece of shit.
Everybody ready?
And three, two, one, play.
All right.
All right.
Yeah, here we go.
They're literally just pushing around a blood droplet with a needle.
She blinked.
Motherfucker just blinked.
I don't think she's dead.
I think it's an open head surgery.
The music's not terrible.
Still, if it's a head surgery, she should be blinking, man.
Edis, you give her something.
Yeah.
Ah, Harry Hope.
That's the hell of a name.
All right.
They're really bad.
He was great for the Buffalo Bills.
I tell you, he couldn't win a Super Bowl to save his life, but that's fine.
That's the death dimension.
But in German, we've got a German.
Yeah, I guess so.
God, Nazi bastards.
Look at this.
I don't know if that's Dermowax.
Yeah, that must be Dermowax.
They're actually really working that.
It's starting to look like they're actually cutting something there.
They're fricking at it.
Old odd job, odd job.
Good old odd job.
It looks like a Lucio Fulci who gives even less of a fuck to me.
Are we getting an implant?
Looks like we're getting an implant.
Well, there it is.
Bill Gates' plan for the world, people.
This is how they get the 5G into your bones.
This is what the liberals want.
It's the mark of the beast.
We're all doomed.
That was actually not a bad effect, I'm just saying.
This has been actually pretty good.
Yeah, the stitching is looking okay.
This is by far the most money he's spent on effects for anything.
I'm pretty sure that's mortician's wax is what they're using.
Okay.
It's a little too pliable, like actual skin doesn't really stitch quite so easily.
Yeah.
Believe me, I know.
I'm telling you though, this is actually making me a little uncomfortable.
Well, I have a stitching fetish, so I'm doing just fine.
You have all the fetishes.
All right.
Let's just settle down.
My fetishes are directly proportional to my wife's tolerance of my fetishes.
I mean, that's how you stay a happily married man.
That's actually very true.
All right.
Right about now, it's when I'd be pulling out a clip.
Alicia, you know what you should do.
Talk with no one.
Yeah, all right.
I actually, I've got the scheduling document up, so we have something that we can actually talk about.
All right.
So everybody knows the first episode when we come back is going to be back to school.
That's going to be.
And we're going to start a sort of switch hitting thing because that was more or less what I'm going to consider your pick, even though I gave you multiple, like I gave you 10 and then this one was a freebie.
This one's going to be your notes.
And then episode 470, we're going to be covering a Michael Douglas movie that I don't know too many people have seen called Wonder Boys.
Oh, yeah.
It's from the early, like 20 aughts.
It was a favorite of Bevan eyes.
It takes place in Pittsburgh and we saw it around the time that we lived in Pittsburgh and it was shot around that time or shortly before that.
So it was really fun to actually watch that movie.
And I can't wait to cover that on the show.
And then we're getting into your picks proper.
Or after that, 471 is going to be clue.
Yeah, dude, that's going to be, I don't know how I'm not going to clip the whole movie.
Yeah, 472 is going to be Fierce Creatures, which is a John Cleese taking a crack with the cast of Fish Called Wanda at another movie that did not get embraced by anybody other than yours truly.
Well, hey, listen, sometimes that's all you need.
Yeah, 473 is going to be Major League, just a bit outside on that one.
That was a beautiful dog.
Nice dog.
Look at that pervert in the bushes, just probably yanking his fucking pud.
The thing I like about doing commentaries with you is I don't have to work because you never shut up.
That's a fact.
I don't know.
Silence breeds thinking.
And if I think anymore, I'm just going to die.
All I have to say is that you on Baja Blast for a commentary is just what we needed.
Yeah, right.
My Blue Heaven.
I did get a lot of sleep last night.
I got a little drunk.
I don't know, man.
A lot of things are happening.
OK, so those polls are not even in the ground.
Did you see them wiggling?
Those guys are standing there holding them up.
My Blue Heaven is going to be the weirdest swinger party I've ever seen.
Yeah, really.
Episode 474 is going to be My Blue Heaven.
And then I'm going to give you guys two more.
And that gives you pretty much all the way into 476, right?
So we're going to do Spaceballs for Matt's notes, 570 or 475.
And then for my notes, my pick was 9 to 5, feminism classic.
And also a bit of a workers' rights classic too.
Yeah.
All of those are going to be the first few weeks of year 10 that will be worth all the pain and suffering we've gone through for Al Adams in films.
There you go.
Seriously, look at them moving.
Like, there's no way that post is in the ground.
You can see that that one guy is tough because he's wearing old school van Brassens with metal knobs on them.
Yeah.
That's how you know he's a tough bad guy.
That's it.
That's how you know.
The only person that could wear that kind of thing and actually make it work for looking really tough and menacing was Sonny Chee.
Oh, I see how they're going to kill him.
They're going to use the asbestos from Wizard of Oz.
There it is.
How many cast members died?
How many cast members died because of that fucking who knows?
Yeah, I think they have some kind of a weather dominator.
They must have stolen that from Cobra.
That explains that explains the Van Brayson's on this guy, right?
If they're if they got the weather dominator, that guy must be some kind of division of Cobra.
You know, that's the one that they claim.
It's just, you know, Cobra, the head of Cobra commanders, like lame brother-in-law needs a fucking thing.
Evil Luchio Fulci here is very concerned.
Yes.
That's your problem.
As for me, I couldn't be more delighted.
What is it?
Seventies Jeffrey Dahmer is looking very menacing here too.
Oh, yeah.
I ate that motherfucker.
No, he didn't.
He had tattoos.
He doesn't like the flavor of tattoos.
And then there's 70s Tom Hardy over 70s Jeffrey Dahmer's shoulder right there.
Yeah, right.
That sounds like James Hong.
I wonder if James Hong ever dubbed that guy's voice.
He's bloody marvelous.
Experiment.
Giving you all the money you want.
Well, this is really over dramatic, isn't it?
Yeah, it really is.
I had a twinge of conscience.
I swear that's James Hong's voice that this guy's doing right now.
I swear James Hong must have heard about him.
It has to be.
The doctor wants your special treatment.
So I had a major breakthrough with my tattoo artist, man.
It's going to be really nice for you, actually.
I'm going to be real happy for you with that breakthrough.
Mostly speaking, I'm in a much better place.
My pinhead tattoo and my cover of Hellbound Heart that I had done on my upper arm.
They're both filled in with color.
I didn't quite get everything done in all the sessions that I have booked because in my tattoo artist's words, I picked too hard of subject matter to do and it needed to take more time.
I was basically picking what they refer to as micro portraits for a lot of my stuff.
You are very difficult that way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The art was a lot of work.
So I have at least one more session to fully finish up my left arm sleeve.
And then I'm going to get my right arm touched up because it's been 14 years since that's been done.
And we kind of have a plan for getting that touched up so that they'll have a little more balance to them and look nice together.
And I actually am really proud of myself right now.
I did this pretty seamlessly.
I had my big headphones connected to my Xbox where I'm playing the movie.
Well, I had a little earbud plugged in to the mic, but I could barely hear you and the movie was blasting.
So I just switched up the earphones so I could hear you more.
So I'm like, I should probably hear cort more than the actual fucking movie because I don't think we're paying attention.
No, no, that's not what these commentaries are.
We're trying to keep people entertained while this is going.
So if you're-
If you were-
That's a nice pool.
Yeah.
If you are viewing the Pirate Radio Edit right now, you are actually viewing it on Patreon.
We're going to play the actual movie in the background.
We're going to drop it down in res and everything, just so people can see what's going on.
Does he just have the wrist things?
He also has a large pinky ring.
This man is evil.
And you can tell that he's evil because he's dressed in all black.
Why is he torturing Bob Ross?
So what did Bob Ross do to him?
Oh, or you just must have just seen the arm snap.
Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh, I don't think you can rip a throat out like that.
Oh, the pinky ring is like a gouging ring to do it.
He gouged his throat with a pinky ring.
Interesting.
OK, that's not terrible.
OK, this is what I meant by Jim Kelly actually has more skill than what the last movie showed.
Just there with the student that could be thrown around, you could actually see he had some skill.
He still can't act for his shit, but he's still a better martial artist than what we got in the last movie.
He's here to be act, all right?
He's here for action.
Yeah.
One of his best performances is in Black Belt Jones.
We didn't cover that because it's not an Al Adamson film.
And it's much, much better than the Adamson stuff.
At least lay glimpsed.
Use a corner.
I'm actually kind of listening.
I want to see what if I can pick any lessons up here.
This is just breathe in, breathe out, wax on, wax off.
It's all the fucking same thing, court.
Yeah.
You watch Karate Kid once in your fucking set.
Maybe watch number two for the other final movie does with the toy and he swings his arms.
I don't fucking know what that's about, but fucking OK.
All I have to know is how to load a forty five ACP.
That's all the self defense I need.
There you go.
I know how to hold a gun.
I just pull off the old Indiana Jones thing.
Just shoot them.
That is still one of the funniest moments in film history.
And yeah, and it's great that it was just ad lift because there's supported horrible food poisoning.
So you just did that.
I didn't.
I heard it was a bunch of different things that made him sick.
But yeah, because he was sick, whatever.
Yeah.
But I mean, whether I don't know, it was just he was sick.
We just took out and fired a gun.
I think everyone's like, fuck it.
Let's keep it.
I think a lot of the cast got dysentery from the water or something like that where they were at.
I think that might have been.
Yes, it was one of the things.
Yeah.
Hey, look, it's a pig pen.
Oh, bacon.
Yeah.
Don't see the violence inherited in the system.
If we actually, you know, are doing a mental rental style commentary, I would be talking about how there's paneling there and how every place had paneling in the 70s.
Every place had paneling in the 70s.
Yeah.
That's how you know a house is built in the 70s.
They did update it.
They're still paneling.
Or in some cases, paneling will ever make a comeback.
Or in some cases, houses that were built in the 50s and then the basements were finished in the 70s with paneling.
That's what's going on in my house.
I just painted that shit and it actually looks pretty decent.
I wonder if paneling will ever make a comeback.
God, I hope not.
I'm kind of for it.
I don't know.
I think actual paneling, the way that they do paneling, where it's the panels that look like their individual boards, like what's behind these guys, that I don't think is going to be as popular.
I mean, my dad used it to finish his basement, so it's still around and people still use it.
But it's a much better quality than what was in the late 70s and early 80s versions of paneling.
And it was the 80s versions that were really, like I have the thick ass, like plywood style that was made in the late 60s, early 70s at my house.
But my parents' house had that really cheap ass, late 80s, really thin, like kind of paneling that they would put in a mobile home, paneling on their walls.
You know what I'm talking about?
The really thin stuff where like, yeah, you just, you tap on it wrong and your finger goes through it.
Yeah, that was the kind of paneling that they had at one point in time in the old place, the old house.
And my sister and I have destroyed that.
Like we went through that so much.
And we weren't even that rambunctious of kids.
You know what I'm saying?
We still had like posters on the wall to cover up the holes we put in there.
This guy's so evil, he has a pet turtle.
I don't think that's necessarily evil.
I think this is one of his good sides.
I mean, you know, evil, all evil guys usually are petting a cat, maybe a small dog.
This guy's got a fucking turtle.
It's next level.
Well, it's got its own self-defense mechanism and he can chuck it at somebody when it just ducks into its shell.
It's Shredder, he's Shredder.
That's Shredder.
Shredder's really let himself go.
Look at how deep that V that goes.
That's a deep V, man.
That's a deep V.
I'm really glad that we're getting a lot of details of the turtles and their workings and functions of him eating grapes.
Yeah, this is nice.
That's certainly more entertaining than this guy's deep V.
Look at how deep that V is.
Both Vs are pretty deep, but that is an excessively deep V.
You know what?
This guy probably needs...
Here's what he needs to do.
Shave his head because he's patchy hair.
But his arms are pretty good, man.
I mean, he works out.
I'm going to recommend a full body wax for that gentleman head to toe.
Yeah, get it done.
He should remove all body hair, and then he'll look like a Buddha.
Yeah.
Because he'll be bald with a little bit of rolly polliness and some muscle.
These two guys, scrawny as shit.
I'm just telling you, have a fucking sandwich.
And this guy just looks like a Haggard detective as fuck, doesn't he?
Yeah.
I would say we should pay attention to this, but there's no, I mean, we know what's going on.
This would be a clip right now where I could just zone out while we listen to it.
Yeah, instead, I'm just zoning out while we watch it.
I'm still trying to nab you.
And who's going to do the nabbing?
I don't know how in the world you talk to me.
You know what this room needs is a crazy person map or like a serial killer map with all the strings, like to let you know that he's working on a case.
I'll be back from Reno in a couple days, okay?
Well, that's a really classy decor they got going on in this place.
Yeah, man, this is a real classy joint.
How many drinks does this guy got going on over here?
He's got a mimosa, he's got, what the fuck is he doing?
No, he's a classy dude.
He's got orange juice.
Look at that.
It's a Sunny D.
Yeah.
Oh, it's a beer and a healthy juice.
Oh, man.
Oh, that's easy.
That's the weirdest glass to drink a beer out of.
But I'm telling you, beer on top of anything works.
All right.
Just make sure that you keep your hard liquor before your beer and then you have nothing to share.
These kids I knew that's you know, that's an old wives tale.
I could do it in any way and I'm fine.
I mean, my liver dies a lot, but I'm fine.
It's fine.
I'm fine.
You also have a lot more copper stomach than most people I know.
The only time you ever puke from drinking is if you smoked too.
Yeah.
And that's pretty much it.
I mean, you have any kind of THC on top of that and it'll make.
Yeah, I'm gone after that.
Yeah, that that's a lethal combo for me.
The world's spin.
It doesn't last.
It's that long.
I'm not long for the world.
If I'm like drinking and then I had THC at top of it, it goes quick to I'm fine to like one second.
Everything spins.
Step two, I'm puking.
Step three, I black out and I'm asleep.
If you let one wear off and then do the other, you're absolutely fine.
I've seen you like start to like hammer.
Yeah, that's fine.
But you have to start sobering up before you start getting high.
If you're already drunk and you start getting high, it fucks you so hard.
It does.
Oh, dude, way.
I mean, some of my worst times have been that.
I'm so stoked for your time.
I can't even tell everybody all of the stuff that we're going to do.
Like, I just gave a preview of just the first few episodes, but it's primarily that you and I picked movies that, like, we ordinarily would never talk about on this show.
And then we're going to wrap it up.
We love, yeah, that we also love and the like, and movies that we've been talking about forever, like, you know, Major League is one that you picked.
And we've been talking about forever.
But everything Bob Euker is going to be a clip.
That's just happening.
That's just fucking happening.
It's literally all you do is cut out, like non-dialogue where the baseball games are happening without Bob Euker.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I mean, every clip Bob Euker.
If Bob Euker is speaking, I'm clipping that shit.
My phantom of Bob Euker goes all the way back to Mr.
Belvedere because I used to actually watch reruns of that as a little kid.
Oh, fuck it.
All the time I watch Mr.
Belvedere.
Are you crazy?
My favorite was at one point in time, the Bob Euker character was like railing against kids these days, doing one of those kinds of speeches in Mr.
Belvedere.
And he made some kind of a reference of back in his day when he was a kid in Johnstown.
Their team would always play minor league ball no matter what.
If they had to take a boat to first base, they were still playing baseball in Johnstown.
And that's near where I grew up, so I thought that was pretty funny.
Because Johnstown has had historical floods.
People have seriously died on two different occasions over decades apart.
You know what I mean?
Like 1800s or something like that, and then like 1970s.
Johnstown has had some terrible floods.
So for him to make a joke about how they will take a boat to first base, that's pretty fucking funny.
Oh, dude, I love it.
Have you noticed that Jim Kelly is more deadly when his shirt is off to see how many muscles he has?
Of course, it's how all kung fu happens.
His hair is a lot more conservative in this one than it was in the other one.
Yeah, like he's more believable of a martial artist with his hair a lot shorter to where somebody can't grab a hold of it for whatever reason.
That is a that's a fact.
What will end up on the show eventually, but won't be year 10.
We finally got China O'Brien released on 4K, UHD and Blu-ray, so that's going to make it on the show eventually.
Oh, nice.
I told you that's all I was waiting for.
I said that on the air a couple of times.
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, and that release actually happened, but it was after year 10 had already been locked in and approved.
And I know everybody's thinking locked in and approved by who?
Who the fuck approves your episodes?
Me.
Yeah, I think everyone knows that.
Yeah, once the once the schedule is locked in, I'm not changing it just because, you know, something gets released.
We're just doing what we had locked in.
So before he dropped him off of there, did he say swear to me?
He's swearing at me.
He comes back to bed.
Hey, baby.
Thanks, sweetheart.
How's it going?
I'm covered in another man's blood and sweat.
You want to do it?
What is?
Oh, you know, it's musty down there now, baby.
So come on.
Oh, just that's just what we call pillow talk, baby.
Just just a heads up for anybody that's going through airport security.
Most of those areas that your body gets scanned by whenever they detect areas that they don't know what's going on.
A lot of those auto body scanners that don't show like a photograph of like an X-ray through your clothes.
They literally will mark any areas that are super sweaty that need to be padded down.
And guess where one of the areas that you get sweaty the fastest is?
Well, they all know what your penis looks like.
Right.
But I mean like I actually got padded down in the Pittsburgh airport because I got like on the way home to Omaha after visiting my family.
I got crotch padded down because the thing that was at the Pittsburgh airport did one of those like areas of interest that couldn't scan and verify was just your body.
And it was my junk because of how sweaty I was.
I had this like full-fledged like older Yenza kind of Pittsburghese guy that was like even less enthused about having to do this than what I was.
I think he might have been a little homophobic.
Yeah.
Well, I'm sure.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, come on.
Welcome to the Midwest.
Yeah.
Well, no, this was Pittsburgh, dude.
This was Pittsburgh on the way back.
Oh, Pittsburgh.
Well, you know what?
Same thing.
Yeah.
The Omaha airport has that like sort of X-ray machine thing to where like there is a photo of your actual junk that they can see.
And then it tags over top of that.
And, you know, if there is anything that's actually there, you know, the small truth is just basically known at the Omaha airport.
But at the Pittsburgh airport, it doesn't show the X-ray, it just shows the area of interest that need to be added down so they don't show the small truth there.
But you get your penis rubbed down and they learn the small truth the hard way.
And I do mean hard after it got rubbed.
Jesus Christ.
The patented car chase that turns into a foot chase, that turns into a dialogue scene.
Right before the fight.
Yeah, that's a total chase.
Oh, it was a setup.
Total setup.
I don't think Al Adamson knows how to frame a shot.
This is really jarring and moves around too much.
And do you see how he was in on the fucking num chucks, and you couldn't even see Jim Kelly's face for some of that?
I know, right?
Here's that bad choreography we were talking about that makes Jim Kelly look so bad.
I mean, oh my lord.
But he's got num chucks, god damn it.
Yeah, see these stuntmen, the way that they're throwing themselves away.
It's just terrible.
This is so badly done.
Isn't it weird that in all these movies, everyone seems to know kung fu?
No, not really.
I mean, that's understandable enough because it's usually the person's crew.
But these guys are clearly either just stuntmen or just friends of Al Adamson that are showing up to get their ass kicked by Jim Kelly.
And they're overselling it.
See, he's doing okay with the punches and stuff.
That's believable, but the guys are overselling it.
It's so bad.
Yeah.
Okay, they're no Jim Kelly can not kick for a shit kick.
No, keep the kick.
He's like, it's like, uh, uh, uh, fuck Jean Claude Van Damme done badly.
No, Van Damme could throw a kick.
Uh, but, uh, who's who's the motherfucker?
He's old fucking fucking nutty now.
Um, even Seagal could never throw a kick.
Didn't know how supposed to be this Kung Fu action star.
And I never saw that motherfucker ever throw a kick.
I would argue that Steven Seagal was nutty and a rapist the entire time.
Yes.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're not wrong.
Multiple accusations against that man.
He's a fucking creep.
I'm just going to say it.
Yeah.
And a traitorous bitch.
There is that, too.
You know, the best place to get money for your dollar for every frame of film is to film in Reno or Vegas.
You get a light on film at night and it's like instant production.
And then you can just be in any shitty hotel anywhere ever.
And you can always reuse this footage of Reno.
The biggest little city.
They actually spent some money to get Jim Kelly to get here.
That was probably in one of the writers of his contract that he needs to be in Reno to get some gambling going during the film.
And some legal brothels.
Reno is the only place that you can gamble and have legal brothels.
Yeah, a lot of people mistaken think it's Vegas.
It's not.
It's Reno.
It's where it's legal.
Which is why a husband is never allowed to go to Reno by themselves.
It's just so weird.
Just make sex work like that legal and fucking safe for everyone.
Holy shit.
No, no, Matt, that's far too left for people to be able to spend money on things that they enjoy without guilt and to make sure everyone is safe in that situation.
That's way too liberal.
Hello, IJ.
How are you?
And here we are suffering through Jim Kelly's acting, which is far more debilitating as Kung Fu.
How about this?
Can we stop talking?
You guys just kick things again.
Homeboy that he's talking to here is really wearing the hell out of that home.
Hugh Hefner fucking road.
Yeah, right.
I should get a smoking jacket like that.
I think I'm a distinguished enough looking gentleman now that I'm let my beard grow back out gray.
I just thought to buzz staff, I family get a smoking jacket and a pipe.
You know, really get to lean into it.
I will have a smoking jacket and a pipe, but in my pipe will be legal.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, you can put whatever you want in there.
Marillona.
Yeah.
I want to wear those nice curved ones like Sherlock Holmes shit.
Legally hemp derived high stuff.
I'll have them there.
There you go.
Damn right to the like one of the more famous ones in Reno 2.
Oh yeah.
Look at that.
Did I call it or did I fucking call it?
Well, why else would you go to Fabulous Reno if not for the vocation of prostitution being legal there?
And you know that the girls are safe and wanting to do that job.
They're there for their volition.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, time for the line up.
You know a little too much about this, Matt.
Why do you know so much about prostitution?
Uh, the HBO mini-series, Cat House.
What's weird is the decor in this place looks an awful lot like Cat House.
I remember watching that.
Yeah, yeah.
I think the quality of ladies in Cat House are slightly better than this film, though.
I'm just saying.
Hi, I'm Georgia.
I don't know, this might be a line up that's easy to refuse.
You know, for not seeing Enter the Dragon, it's funny that you say that, because in Enter the Dragon, when women are brought to his door and offered to him, he does pretty much pick every single one that was offered to him.
That's fucking funny.
And I can't believe that you still haven't seen Enter the Dragon.
I still have not seen it.
Okay, out of that line up, I think he chose well.
I think so.
Yeah.
I want some information.
The sex will be free.
He's paying for the information.
Yeah.
She's actually he has to pay her for information, not with money, but with dick.
Yeah.
You muted yourself, dude.
You were saying?
I'm sorry.
I said, is it weird that the woman has a bunch of naked pictures of women?
No.
I mean, you got to have some motivation if she's not delivering what you're looking for.
Now, what the hell is he doing?
Did he have sex?
No.
Now, he's just around spying and just nosing into any of this.
This guy's having a good time.
Yeah.
The dude in the top top is really good.
That dude's.
The security guard just ruined everything.
Well, no, he's just trying to make sure everyone's safe.
This guy's just doing his job.
He's a guy defiber.
Leave him alone.
You know, he did wear.
He doesn't even get health insurance out of this shit.
He did wear the correct outfit for getting into a brothel.
He wore a zip up tracksuit that comes off easy and nothing else.
Like, and a gold chain.
Yeah, and a gold chain.
The gold chain stays on during sex, Matt.
Well, you got to have something.
This is the only thing he's missing is a gold pinky ring that also stays on during sex.
But mysteriously disappears during sex as well.
Yeah, I don't.
Yeah.
That's a fist.
And that if we did clips, that's totally a clip.
All right.
It was impressive how he scaled that fence.
It wasn't like Jackie Chan.
Yeah, but I mean, it's still decent the way he did that.
Look at that.
You got up there.
Okay, this is right now.
The little hiccup on the top part.
It's all right.
Yeah, I think his leg got caught.
That look like I'd like the realism.
What is he breaking into prison?
What the fuck is this?
I don't know.
It's like fucking what is this Waco?
Yeah.
Great.
He's found the branch Davidians.
That fucking tower, man, that that's just ominous as shit.
Somebody's out there to fucking guns and people down all around.
Oh, yeah.
Someone's up there with a car 98 at eight times site.
All my PUBG players will get that joke.
Good for them.
Good for them.
This is a decent shot.
Okay.
Yeah, it's actually a bad.
All right.
They're using gut.
Some of them went to film school.
Right.
The it would have been cool to have him going up the stairs and fighting the guys on the way up, but, you know, using the staircase that was there.
The choreography in this is a little bit more decent, and they're locking down more of the shots.
The overhead is great.
That's actually, this is some of the best stuff in the movie so far.
I mean, yeah, he's hitting guys with a PBC, and they're trying to make it sound like it's metal, but we'll let that go.
I think Jim Kelly has an ass-kicking fetish.
He just likes to beat dudes up.
Like, that's how he gets off.
That's why he ran away from the prostitute, because he couldn't beat her up.
Hey, you're looking great, IJ.
He canned that guy.
The dude with the panty on his head's looking a bit bored.
Why does he have panty holes on his head?
They're trying to hide their identity, but if they get knocked out.
Oh, OK, OK, others do too.
All right, I thought he was the only one.
I'm like, what are you doing, man?
Would you want to admit you were in this movie, if you could cover up?
The reason that they're wearing panty holes is they're guys that have already been beat up by Jim Kelly in another scene, and they're trying to get their more use out of them.
That's, that's all.
Man, I can't see or fight any of this shit.
Yeah, well, let's go.
What the fuck?
Is this a bus depot or somebody's home?
Where are we?
I don't know what the hell's going on here.
The bus loaded in a bunch of guys to this, like, desert dome house.
Yeah.
It's not a dome house, but this desert house.
All these guys are like, oh, I thought this is the bus to the cat house.
What the fuck am I doing here?
Oh, man.
That's some interrogation technique.
Oh, we just got from night to day here.
Yeah.
And now we're in a fucking boat like dock.
What the fuck?
Are we the ocean?
This is what I'm talking about.
This is Adamson's style of editing, where we just inexplicably jump from scene to scene, and we're just supposed to follow along.
Like, what the fuck?
We're supposed to believe it.
Yeah.
Was that a bus depot, a compound, or somebody's house that we were just at?
Why were we even fucking there other than for him to beat up these guys?
I know he's meeting up with his friend here, and then they cut from that to this boat dock all of a sudden with them raiding the boat dock.
What the fuck?
Can we at least get some dialogue of like, now let's get on the boat?
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, time to get on the boat, right?
Yeah.
All right.
Now we're at the island to do the business that we need to do that you and I have been paying attention to, because there's some business going on over here.
Yeah.
Strap in, folks.
We're not even halfway there yet.
We have just passed the first 30 minutes.
We're like 30.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're like 30.
It's been so much longer.
I know.
Yeah.
Oh, God, you're right.
This.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, oh, oh, shit.
And now you're dead, bitch.
Oh, he truncated his life.
That guy got some serious wood.
He barked up the wrong tree.
Seriously, it's like the same thugs just dressed differently in every single scene that they're beating up.
Like, there's a couple of guys that I'm.
Why is there always a shirtless guy who should be shirtless?
Because he's tattooed, so he needs to be shirtless to show off his tattoos.
That's production value.
Have shame.
Stop body shaming people just because they're in an Adamson movie.
I can do whatever I want.
I'm fat.
I can body shame other men.
That's how it is.
That's not how it works.
That just makes you a self-lover.
Well, yeah, well, that is also true.
The two things can be true.
Here's the thing.
The people you're body shaming on screen, they're not going to hear you, but our audience that may be hurt by that body shaming, they are going to hear you and they're going to cry, Matt.
And it's your fault.
Our audience doesn't have such feelings.
All right.
Yes, they do.
They're human beings.
Fucking sociopaths.
The only feeling they feel is joy when we sit through these fucking movies.
That's fair.
There is a bit of sadistic charm in probably listening to us where you get to hear us suffer.
So you know what?
There's a little bit of body shaming.
That's just how it fucking goes.
All right.
When we start covering movies we like, the numbers are going to go way down.
You take the good, you take the bad.
You have the facts of life.
Oh, man.
What?
I was going to try and make a Mrs.
Garrett joke, but I'm too fucking tired and this movie sucks way too much.
I'm just going to get more high.
Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
You know, very rarely do we get a boat chase to pad out the film.
And this is relatively interesting.
The guy's jumping from boat to boat works.
Boat, boat, boat, fighting to the boat.
So far, this is the better of the Jim Kelly films that Al Adamson did.
The action in this is pretty decent, and I'm sure if we paid better attention to it, there might be somewhat of an over convoluted story that makes no sense.
But I'm going to tell you right now, I have no idea the story.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't care.
But the fight scenes are pretty fucking lit.
I'm really kind of here for it.
Much better than the last movie, for sure.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And this boat chase is one of the better boat chases that are at least one of the better chases that they've done.
Yeah, that's true.
There are now that those guys are taking out, let's just cut the land for no fucking reason.
There's a car with his fucking blinkers on fucking just right in the middle of the road.
What a fucking what a bunch of assholes.
That is totally James Hong overdubbing that guy's voice.
That's fucking awesome.
Is that a Cadillac?
What fucking kind of car is that?
I think that's a Cadillac or a Buick.
It's fucking huge.
Oh, dude, they're boats, man.
I love fucking boats.
Jesus, no wonder people could have sex in the back of cars so easily in these areas.
Dude, my first car was a 1987 Cadillac DeVille.
Oh, I think it was a fucking beauty.
I had a 78 Olds 98.
Yeah, it was a fucking boat of a car, and you could totally fuck in that front seat if you wanted to.
There was plenty of room.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The back seat was even worse.
I could have had like a six person orgy in my fucking Cadillac.
Now, because I'm me and who I was growing up, that was never going to happen.
No, logistically speaking, you had the space for one that that was never going to happen, but you had at least never going to happen.
But you had the space for it.
Yeah, I was even going to get like an awkward hand job in that car because of who I was.
So coincidentally, I've gotten awkward hand jobs in your car.
Wait, what the fuck?
You weren't there, it's fine.
Thank god, all right, now we're all right.
Does it count if I stand on my head till I went to sleep?
Is that an awkward hand job?
Because if so, then I've had a lot.
In the car?
In the car, and out of the car.
The danger of having any kind of sex, including self-pleasure within a car, is that depending upon where you're at, anybody could see you.
Like you don't want to do that in a well-lit parking lot.
You want a more secluded area, which makes you susceptible to murderers.
So car sex isn't always the same.
And also cleanup, depending on how pent up you are.
It could be a lot.
And varied areas, depending on your control of ejaculate.
What your best bet is-
Welcome to my Ted Talk.
What your best bet is, is to have like a curtain kind of system or at least something that you can do for window covers.
So that when that car is rocking and someone may come a-knocking, you have plenty of time to get dressed before you allow the windows for people to see.
Then you can avoid like the public indecency kind of laws and things like that.
Make sure you have windex on hand in case you hit the windshield.
I'm just-
I'm not speaking from strictly experience, but I'm just saying I know.
Yeah, that shit leaves streaks.
It's a pain.
Oh, good God Almighty doesn't ever.
Anywho.
Does wonders for restoring your leather though.
Oh, God.
Thank God it was a leather seat.
So that was the I mean, I mean, that did happen to me.
It fills in.
I would know.
It fills in the cracks.
I would know.
I just hear things.
Yeah, but on fabric seats, you definitely want some kind of a cover.
You cover.
You need to be.
Listen, I'm just saying things happen.
All right.
Been a while.
She was friendly.
It's fine.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, right.
Yeah, you're definitely going to be mad in his platform shoes now.
You definitely are quite a few seconds behind me on this.
I can tell.
Oh.
Because the nut kick happened way before for me, whatever.
I'll line it up to whatever reactions I can as best as possible.
I wonder what happened to this gentleman's face.
Looks like he got hit with a machete or something.
Yeah, right.
That's possible.
Acne scars happens to the best of us.
That's that's too much of a slashing thing.
I guess this is why you don't pick at it.
I guess a chainsaw could kick back and cut you like that too.
Chicken pox.
It's fucking just terrible.
Chicken pox don't make straight lines like that.
God damn it.
You know what?
You're not a doctor either.
So let's just settle down.
All right.
Jesus.
Isn't it time for you to get more high?
I am quite high right now.
That's why I'm going to argue on what a scar may or may not look like.
Of the two of us, I have significantly more self-inflicted scars, so I should know what they should and shouldn't look like.
That you can see.
I'm pretty sure you don't have hidden cigarette burns unless you and the wife are into something that you haven't talked to me about, which knowing you, you would gladly talk to me about if your wife and you got into something weird.
I don't tell you all about my personal shit all the time.
All right, there's some secrets I keep in the bedroom.
Yeah, but if your wife starts my holy matrimony, if your wife starts putting cigarettes out on you, you're bragging about it.
I'm just saying, that's you.
I mean, not totally wrong, I guess.
There's just some things you can't keep to yourself when it comes to that sort of thing.
That's all I'm saying.
Jim Kelly's lady definitely has it going on.
Yeah, man, she's.
Oh, there's Jim Kelly's original hair right there.
Yeah, but no, his lady definitely has it going on.
She is the proverbial steak that he had at home when he went out for that hamburger at the whorehouse.
See, I don't think he had sex with that woman.
No, the only thing he pumped her for was information.
Yeah.
And also to like snoop around.
I'm going to say this is a thank you movie.
The actress is willing to be doing this on camera.
And yeah, we've got nudity.
You'll see it in another second or two, man.
I'm I'm I'm in there.
Yeah.
It's happening for me.
Shower scene is always a good decision when you want to pad.
It's always it's it's always a good decision.
Oh, here comes a bad guy with his coat.
Yeah.
She somehow makes sure he got naked.
This is a mountain of coke behind this scene.
I'm thinking that her shower acting is not the best.
No, because I don't think that's very natural.
Here's what I'm telling you right now.
That water is ice cold.
Oh, probably.
I'm hoping we're not going to have to suffer through a fucking rape scene, because that was really enjoying the shower scene until this guy showed up.
Yeah, right.
Fucking Adamson loves rape and abuse.
What a fucking asshole.
Oh, mercifully, we cut away inexplicably to something else.
Oh, emergency and incoming patients.
Oh, she's in the hospital.
Jesus.
Yeah.
John can't figure it out.
He has the best track suits.
All of them.
Yeah.
Well, this guy has little cars in his shirt.
I like this guy.
They're like little model T's or model A's or whatever.
He's in Los Angeles.
Is she dead?
I think she's dead.
Holy fuck, they murdered her.
Jesus.
Oh, they put a vagina on her throat.
That seems like an unnecessary surgery to do.
Yeah.
I mean, like, I'm not trying to tell somebody how to-
Thank you, Mario.
Dr.
Mario.
I'm not trying to tell anybody how to live their death, but I'm pretty sure that death by vagina on the throat is not how you want to go.
No.
This guy is definitely going to get murdered now.
I don't think the pinky ring death is as menacing as they think it is.
You know what I mean?
No, it's not.
You make a vagina.
Yeah, he's making a vagina on people's necks.
That's just practical.
But did they they shot?
Did they missed?
Yeah, I think so.
That was point blank range.
And what kind of gun was it?
It looked like some kind of dart.
It's like a rifle.
But yeah, it's something like a dart.
But that was point blank range.
Stormtroopers can make that shot.
No, let's let's not get away from ourselves here.
Stormtroopers can make any shot.
That's for all our Star Wars fans out there.
Good job, everyone.
May the force be with you guys.
All right.
Right on.
Hey, I can get into this music.
I will forever hold in the fondest of memories in my heart.
When we went to Disney World, we were at, which one's the one that has like the Hollywood Studios?
Is it Hollywood Studios is the park where they have it?
It was.
Now, it's that Star Wars.
Now, it's all Star Wars.
Now is what they call it.
I think so.
The Hollywood Studios, they made that Star Wars world now, I believe.
What's primarily Star Wars world there?
Well, before it was the Star Wars world, and it was still Hollywood Studios.
They had stormtroopers out marching around with like an Imperial person like it was in the black garb.
Kind of thing.
And the stormtroopers would just, you know, like fake menace people in my character walking around outside of the Hollywood Studios.
And I made a joke whenever a kid was like getting ready to run from the stormtroopers back to his parents and scared.
I was like, yeah, keep running kid.
Don't worry.
They can't shoot for, they can't shoot with all the worst shots in all of the galaxy stormtroopers.
I said it out loud to the kid and the kid chuckled and the parents chuckled.
And then the lady was like fake calling it in.
You know what I mean?
And then immediately...
Were you arrested?
Yeah, they walked me around the square.
They death marched me around the square.
They had their hand on my shoulder so hard it hurt.
Like really in character.
And the guy was interrogating me.
My wife took video of it.
He's like, I need your identification.
I showed him my wristband to get into the park.
And then they were like...
You should have tried that.
You don't need to see my identification.
No, I wasn't going to pull a Jedi mind trick.
I just was like, you fascist pigs, let's do this.
You're going to go full stormtrooper on me.
Let's do this.
So they seriously, they marched me around the square.
They had their hand on my shoulder so hard, it fucking hurt.
And then they got in this fake call that something else, some other trouble was happening elsewhere.
And so they're like, it's your lucky day.
And then I was like, thanks guys, that was freaking great.
The turtle's back.
Yeah, I'm so happy about the turtle being back.
Well, anyway, after they were done marching, I went to walk away and the guy went, slow down.
It's like the final last thing.
It was awesome.
I knew you would try the Jedi mind trick.
You're not for religion.
So yeah.
Yeah.
The only part about it you love is the being a part of the rebellion against a fascist society.
Yeah, I'm more of the hand solo.
You would want to join the Jedi like I would.
Yeah, because, you know, I'm more of a hand solo kind of guy.
I'm going to heaven instead of you.
So it's fine.
There is no fucking heaven.
That's just a fairytale.
That's just a fairytale that they tell you to make you feel better about the life choices you make so you don't hurt other people.
Oh, man, that guy, that that outfit.
Oh, this guy, this fucking guy.
Hey, buddy, that shirt's about three sizes too small for you, bro.
Those buttons are grasping for dear life.
It looks like the characters that Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd did with the wild and crazy guys, like their shirts that they used to wear between the two of us and the deal seem to be on the financial end.
That guy's got something wrong with his throat.
Oh, no, I accept it.
Does he smoke cigars or eat them?
But I must be honest with you.
Other countries are up at your.
Well, he likes Chow, but he doesn't have any.
So now he's just using cigars for it.
He was the cop in one of these other fucking shitty movies we watched, wasn't he?
The like he was like a crooked cop or some shit.
And I kind of remember that throaty voice.
I think so, yeah.
I am positive that this is James Hong's voice that they overdub him mesmerized by it.
Look, he really does have a poster of odd job in the background.
Oh, he does.
With the turtle.
I will also say you see the turtles in the portrait.
Yeah, that's fucking awesome.
He had a portrait made of him and his turtle.
I think I could tell you this guy is kind of wholesome.
I could be in the bad guy.
I could get behind a portrait of odd job that's done like a velvet painting of Elvis style.
You know what I'm talking about?
Like the velvet paintings.
This looks like the classy paneling.
Oh yeah.
I bet you that's actually...
The dark wood.
That's actually board on...
The dark paneling.
I bet you it's board on board too, because it looks like thick as fuck.
Makes the room feel warm.
Yeah, it's a lot of crap.
I like that the chick is reading Mad Magazine, I can get behind that.
I'm out of fucking pop, this sucks.
I still have like 40 fucking minutes left.
Oh, only 30?
You're out of pop?
I'm out of soda, yeah.
Oh God, I'm halfway done with my last Baja fucking blast.
We have like almost 40 minutes left, we have 37 minutes left.
I gotta slow fucking down on this.
Oh fuck, this lady is fine as shit, man.
Let's do it.
The one that just walked in looking like Maryann from.
Yeah.
Maryann from Gilligan's Island.
I'm into it anyway.
It's like she's girl next door, but she has trashy makeup on and Matt's really in love.
Hey, don't beat me to girls with tiny tits.
Listen, I like big boobs as much as the next time, but give some love to tiny tits as well.
I said trashy makeup.
I didn't say anything about tits.
I said trashy makeup.
No, I know he did in the movie that we're supposed to be watching.
He just said, all your new girls have such tiny tits.
What an asshat.
All tits are beautiful.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Oh, what a dick.
All tits are real if you can touch them.
If you're allowed to touch them, they're real to you.
Yes.
Doesn't matter how they got there.
If you can touch them, they're real to you.
If you have permission and consent, they're real to you.
If a woman's like, hey, you would have touched my tits, and you're like, yeah, it's on.
It's a good day.
It's a good day when that happens.
But also, you may need permission if you have a partner.
Like, you can't just touch tits because a lady will let you touch tits.
Like, you know, you have to also have permission if you have a partner.
Yeah, as long as you're not cheating.
I'm just, I'm saying the best possible situation, if your partner or if you're single, this other person's single, they go, hey, do you want to touch my tits?
That's always a good day.
I'm just trying to get you to say, touch my tits as many times as you possibly can.
And just be glad we're not doing clips anymore.
I know, right?
But I wouldn't mind that clip, because, you know, I'm fine.
You're fine with just having a clip where you ask people to touch your tits?
Yeah, pretty much.
You really have grown as a person.
I really have, haven't I?
The Psy-Op worked on you.
Room 203, an old hotel.
I know this guy's been in a few Addamsons.
Oh, he has, yeah.
That dude right there that's on the phone.
Yeah, oh yeah.
We're not as far behind as I think now.
I don't know.
I think I might have did a little catch up.
Yeah.
The film scratches in this are really distracting and giving me a headache.
Yeah, I know, right?
And this is what the fuck did he run it through sandpaper and fucking when he was crying it.
I'm getting vertigo.
We finally got it.
I feel like I'm falling.
I keep on talking right up the street.
I think that's a hotel, but I'm not sure.
It just reminds me of Motel Hell.
That was a fun, remedial horror.
It was fun.
It's a fun movie we did.
There's so many times now.
I think I've mentioned it before, where I see these YouTube reviews, this guy does horror movie reviews and each one of them.
It's it's it's all movies that we've done on the show.
That's funny.
I've seen this.
He's like, this is a little known movie that not many people have seen.
I go, fuck you, motherfucker.
I watch that shit.
Well, we still haven't viewed it.
We still haven't covered everything.
There's so many fucking movies out there.
And it's always funny.
It's always funny to me when people are like, hey, why haven't you ever done this?
Like, you should do this.
And it's like it just never made it on the list.
I mean, quite literally, this show a long time ago became, hey, what did court just buy?
Because that's what we're covering.
Yeah, right.
Like whatever random shit.
That's why we're suffering through AL.
Adamson, because I made a purchase and we all have to deal with that fact.
Yes, because because money was burning a hole in cort's pocket.
We suffer.
Right.
Like I wasted money on some of this shit that we're covering, and that's why we're covering it.
And if I haven't covered a classic movie, it's because I had already bought it before we did the show, more or less.
Because cort is a slave to capitalism like the rest of us.
We have suffered.
I'm a rabid collector.
I can't help it.
My buying habits have slowed down significantly, though.
And unfortunately, unfortunately, the size of this work, because you're like, God, should I buy this box?
No, I can't do it.
Yeah, I don't want to cover that.
I don't want to cover this.
I mean, there's still plenty of shit that I have bought, that I have not watched the movies yet.
And it's more or less put on this show so that I will go ahead and watch the things that I bought.
My movie collecting is nearly as bad as how collectors that buy books and never read them, and then go buy more books and then read some of them, but have more and more books that they just keep buying without reading.
That's how my collection of my movies has gotten.
That's it, yeah.
Like you walk into someone's home and it's like a library, and oh man, have you read all these?
No, really just five of them.
I just read over and over again.
More or less, but you gotta have the other books in case you want to read them.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, man, this film either just sucked me in or I'm just losing it.
We're running out of things to talk about.
I fucking.
Are you guys got a massive belt buckle?
It reminds me of Zeus from No Holds Barred.
Homeboy with the ring, Vagina Neckmaker really, really wanted to make a vagina in Jim Kelly's neck.
I'm just telling you, this guy has everything.
He's got the pinky ring of death that makes vaginas and necks.
He's got the wristbands and now he's got a huge belt.
I mean, this guy is just fucking all over the place.
You know what that house really needed was a sign underneath the Beware of Dog that said, Forget about the dog, beware of owner.
Should have been like, beware of dog when they open up the door, golden retriever, just sit there wagging its tail.
It's the patented Al Adamson, quote unquote, tying someone up.
Yeah, yeah, I'm like, she's like, really, you tying me up or are we dancing?
What the fuck are you doing over here, homie?
If you can't get out of those bonds, you're just into bondage.
That's gone.
Yeah, you want to be there.
You want to be there.
If you can't get out of that, you want to be there.
No, thank you.
I'm hugely distracted by this character's breasts.
I'm like, fuck, you are, this is Christ.
Honestly, I'm not hearing a fucking thing.
All I'm doing is staring at boobs, and I feel like a pig.
I can't help it.
Mesmerize.
If she was trying to interrogate me, I'd be like, I'm sorry, I'm not paying attention.
I'm no kidding.
Pig won't need me anymore, so of course I'll be killed.
I'm just trying to save you the suffering.
Oh, God, if you knew how cruel the pig was, he'll torture you until you'll be able to-
Is she trying to turn me on?
Because that's kind of working.
Yeah, right?
Are you hitting on me?
I'm going to be tortured until I beg for death?
Are you coming on to me?
God damn.
You know, you have to have a low self-opinion to allow yourself to be referred to as the pig.
The pig, yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, listen, I didn't need you to know my nickname in high school.
How many times I gotta tell you?
I gotta have something, some proof.
All I want to see is that money.
Mr.
Santo Vecino, do you want me to be carrying 50 million dollars around like it was a sack of potatoes?
My friend, money.
I wanna listen to this guy's voice and not do commentary because it's causing me physical pain.
What can I do?
I know.
Can I conduct business like this?
You know how many packs a day I had to smoke to get this voice?
Oh, it's degenerate.
Did he gargle tobacco juice?
Yeah, he definitely did.
That, hey, only three pack a day, six scotches.
That's the only, every day you get that voice.
That's the fucking work.
That, hey, is it weird?
That voice matches the decor of that room.
Garish and gruff.
There are some lovely ladies in the background there that we should be focusing on them.
I'm telling you, every bad guy see it always has ladies in the background.
All right.
You just wait and see.
You know what?
This guy, he hasn't really let himself go at all.
The main bad guy with the turtle, usually he's actually in pretty good shape.
Good for you.
Yeah.
He's got like that solid barrel chest where it's all muscle all the way down.
You know what I mean?
Like just a solid.
Yeah, I got it.
Yeah.
That's the only thing that saves me is I'm barrel chested.
So I got that going for me, which is nice.
That's about the only thing.
Yeah.
Look at this dude.
The only thing this guy needs to do is shave his head.
Yeah.
You went bald, man.
Stop trying to fight it.
Yeah.
If he shaved his head, and the shirts he's wearing there where it's fitting, that's a good look for him.
Yeah.
He'd be all right.
That's the same thing Zeus wears.
It's Zeus from Go Holds Barg.
Looking good.
It took a little time to find you.
What did you do with Mason's formula?
And I need information now.
I can't wait any longer.
Whoa.
Misogyny.
Yeah.
It's really fucking with me to have James Hong's voice coming out of this hulk of a man.
I guarantee you his arms are over 18 inches in circumference at the top.
Oh yeah, that motherfucker, that's 24 inch pythons right there.
That's like Buff Bagwell levels of arm right there.
It's not quite...
It's not quite Scott Steiner, but it's definitely at least Buff Bagwell's size of arm.
Of our arms, that dude's big.
Yeah, I don't know why he calls himself the pig, man.
He's in shape.
Maybe it's his outlook towards women?
Well, that's probably it.
He's the chauvinist pig, just shortened to the pig.
Now, I am looking through the cast of this movie.
I don't see James Hung listed anywhere.
He's probably uncredited.
Yeah, it's uncredited, but it's totally his voice.
Jesus Christ, he's gonna...
Shit, it's a snapping turtle.
Of course, everything with this guy was gonna be turtles.
Yeah, he loves fucking turtles.
Using a snapping turtle to torture people is actually pretty inventive.
This is one of the first things Adamson's come up with that works.
And it gets a...
Hold off, wait.
I bet this guy just loves turtles, and I need to assume that he loves fucking turtles.
I mean, it just meant he loves turtles.
Well, certainly you're not gonna fuck a snapping turtle.
No.
This is actually pretty menacing, and it's cool to use a...
It's kind of an exotic animal, sort of, you know?
Look at that shit.
Oh, my God, they're gonna bite her tit off with a snapping turtle.
No!
Save the tit-a-tat-a's.
She passed out on them.
She passed out.
This is one of those Bruce Lee clone guys.
Look at him.
Yeah, oh yeah.
Jesus, he is.
You know, they just released a box set of all of those, like the Bruce Lai and Bruce, like, you know, well, I'll just, I can't remember all their names, but there's like a shit ton of them.
I think it was a shout factory.
I can't remember who, but somebody did like an entire box set of them.
And I gotta say, Matt, you'd be proud of me.
I restrained myself from buying them because I know that some of them are absolutely terrible.
So I didn't buy that box set.
Look at you.
You've grown too through this show.
We both have grown.
The Psyop did work for both of us.
Yeah, I learned something by watching a lot of really bad Al Adams in movies that I shouldn't buy every box set that gets put out there.
Well, look at this.
We're learning it only took 10 years.
And I am completely out of pop with 25 minutes to go.
I'm still I'm still I've been now saving.
You're saying my blast.
Is it weird that her ability to get to a phone while tied to a chair is kind of turning me on?
Is she going to use her titties to dial?
Because that'd be Oh, look at that.
Oh, holy shit.
Now that is hot.
I don't give a fuck.
That was surprisingly erotic.
The way the fuck is that the way that she tongued the phone cord?
Is that what you're talking about?
Yeah.
Wait, how?
What is that all about?
Wait till you see where to start to dial.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Grabbing the pen too.
Hey, man, I didn't need all this.
All right.
I don't need another thing.
Okay.
I have enough things.
I'm too old for any more things.
I'm perfectly fine with anything else.
I'm perfectly fine with all the things they're giving me.
Operator?
Operator?
That was mildly erotic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was maybe the hottest scene in the whole movie.
We're not just two sex-starved old guys.
Not at all.
No, that was actually wrong.
Not even a little.
Hey, listen, I've been a sex-starved young guy, middle-aged guy, and I'll be a sex-starved old guy.
That's just how it is.
I lead a very happy and satisfied life because I never had children.
I don't know.
Holy Jesus.
Where did that fucking come from?
I'm just saying that I have sex a lot more frequently still.
That's all I know.
Well, I still have a lot of sex too, but it doesn't mean I'm never going to just want sex all the time, but I'm fucking a pervert.
So am I.
But I'm a well-satisfied one.
Same here.
Same here.
We're very lucky men.
Yeah, but that doesn't mean that we're still not going to get turned on by how somebody moves a phone around.
That's goddamn right.
That'd be it.
I didn't think I was ever going to be turned about about how somebody dialed the phone, but it happened.
Yeah.
So these bad guys hang out with a higher quality class of prostitute.
Hopefully, they're not forced into it.
Yeah, these bad guys.
Yeah, this guy's gonna have a good time.
Oh no, this guy's gonna talk and make us all uncomfortable.
Oh yeah.
You wait a few moments.
I'm sorry.
You left us, you come back, you'll have no proof.
Oh god, it's so good.
Good lord.
I hope it doesn't...
I just hope it doesn't hurt as bad as it sounds like it hurts.
Right?
Look at that steely-eyed stare.
It's like he swallowed a shit ton of gravel, but it just stayed put.
That's what his voice.
You know, he looks like Frank Burns.
I'm not sure which Frank Burns you're talking about.
That from MASH.
Oh, yeah, a little bit.
Larry Linville.
Yeah, it looks like a little bit, a little bit.
No lips, bear face.
Yeah, look at this guy.
Wow, T.
Tops on that car.
That's a ball of fuck.
T, man, that car is fucking sweet.
Oh, fucking a look at that thing.
T.
Tops have only ever worked on a Trans Am for me.
That's the only car that I had.
Yeah, that's officially the sexiest thing I've seen in this movie.
Now, that car, second place is her dial in the phone.
Are you sure?
Well, I'm reasonably sure.
Look at that.
It was barely an inconvenience for him to untie her.
She wanted to be there.
She wanted to be there.
She was all bound up for her pleasure.
Isn't that nice of him?
Instead of just throwing the rope to the ground, he winds it back up and then sets it down.
So it's easier to move around later.
He's a backstabber.
Oh, what makes you say that?
Hold on, see?
Right here.
No, you can just tell.
It's an implanted microfilm.
Implanted microfilm under the skin?
Very clever.
Someone here would like to...
Yeah, he's the good cop on this situation.
No, he's the bad, yeah, yeah.
He's a bad guy.
Right, yeah, this was all a setup.
This was an interrogation tactic.
And a thumping good one.
You can just tell, because he was like, oh yeah, they're all, you know, been apprehended.
I'm like, oh, yeah.
Well, yeah, it was a it was an intent, you know, it was just that asshole doesn't deserve that fucking tee top.
Fuck, I want a car with the tee top trans am like smoking the bandit.
Fuck, that'd be awesome car to have.
Listen, if I won the lottery, I would tell anyone, but there'd be signs.
All right.
That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, I'd have the tee top trans am and I'd have a 1969 Dodge Charger, like the Duke's a hazard, but not racist.
It'd be just a black because that's the only color car I want.
Although someone did a great job of one of those, and they painted it blue and then put an American flag on top of it.
And then called it the General Grant.
I've seen that.
That's fucking that that that was rad.
But I'd still just have my black.
That's fucking that's that's my dream.
I mean, I'm not a big car guy, but I love them old style American muscle cars.
Everybody has a thing for old school muscle cars from the 70s and stuff, though.
The late 60s, early 70s.
Quiet, don't move, you'll be all right.
The guy in the sunglasses.
Did that just happen?
Oh, man, he's like, I'm just here for the girls, man.
Why are you?
Stand up, stand up.
That popcorn ceiling is terrifying.
Oh, yeah.
Don't put your hands up.
Hey, wait, that's what I have in my ceiling.
That's what I'm looking at right the fuck now.
What the fuck?
I have a popcorn ceiling as well, but if it's low hanging enough, you're going to scrape your fucking knuckles on it.
That's true.
Especially when they have him throw his hands up like that.
But he's a bad guy.
He can get his knuckles scraped.
It's fine.
Dude, I did that once, and I had like almost like a scar for six months on my finger.
It was such a deep cut.
Yeah, you have a deadly popcorn ceiling.
Yeah.
The one guy with the sunglasses, he got knocked out the best way.
He buried himself into a woman's thigh.
It must be rough.
Yeah.
This explains we were wondering what that implant was.
Dude, you don't have to use this giant.
No.
Yeah.
Okay.
Serration is only good for cutting bread.
You do not want to do open head surgery with serration, especially if it's an implanted microfilm.
You're just going to damage the material.
Oh, fuck.
Adamson is so frustrating.
Nice of him to take some of the Dermawax with him.
Yeah, right.
She's going to take him out with her tits.
He rolled a critical failure there, didn't he?
Yeah, yeah.
Either that or Jim Kelly rolled a critical success for Dodge.
He rolled natural 20 on that one, to duck that knife.
Yeah, critical success, nat 20 for that one.
Stand up, get over there.
Come on, come on.
Oh, he's two-fisting the guns.
How do we know that these cops are not on the take, too?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, they're just uniform.
I'll go and look for Ash.
That doesn't mean they're not on the take.
That's true.
But probably they don't feel like they're important enough to be on the take, so they didn't offer them the money.
I'm not saying they wouldn't be on the take if you offered them money.
I'm saying the bad guys did think they were important enough to offer money.
Yeah, but now they're just leaving them.
So they're probably going to offer them some money, and then those guys will be on the take and then their arrest goes away.
You got to do this like 80s action hero style and murder everybody and then after the bodies later.
That's true.
Somebody discovered a synthesizer in this score.
Somebody definitely discovered a synthesizer and thought that they were going to be outdo yes with the score.
Yeah, he's like, oh, shit, I figured this out.
Guys, guys, look what I learned.
It's a very busy score to those sound effects.
I don't think they fit very well.
That was almost library music for a sci-fi movie.
He's so stealthy, like a cat, the way he jumps and makes that loud pounce.
Actually, you know, it wasn't a lot of noise for jumping that far, it was pretty good.
It seemed excessive for him to jump that far.
It didn't, it seemed weird that he had to jump down the stairs like that.
He could have just trotted down the line.
Right.
That's like, that's a jump down the stairs when your mom tells you the pizza fucking rolls are ready.
It is a very-
Yeah, it's a celebratory jump where you're like, hop, hop.
Yeah, totally.
Pizza rolls and transformers are on.
Let's fucking go.
Oh, man.
Remember when that was like your biggest fear in life is that you wouldn't have pizza rolls for our transformers was on?
Fuck, dude.
Yeah.
Now, with transformers are on, I'm talking about Gen 1 and I was a kid.
There weren't pizza rolls, but like you could put anything else in there.
The kid snacks.
My personal favorite was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Pizza Rolls.
Yeah.
Mine was, I always remember Great Friday Nights.
When the video stores started carrying Nintendo games, and it'd be Friday night, I'd pick up a wrestling DVD, a Nintendo game, and then KFC chicken.
Oh, fuck, that was it, man.
I never read it.
There's nothing better in life.
Yeah, I never read it.
Video games, because, you know, it always takes so long to do anything with them that, like, I wouldn't be able to get my, I don't feel like I would ever get my money's worth, you know, I'd want to be able to win the whole game.
Yeah.
But I would borrow video games, because, you know, a friend will let you keep it as long as you need it, especially if it's one that you traded for a little while.
That's that was a shocking ending for that guy, huh?
Yeah, I got a charge out of it.
Good shit, we did well.
Good job.
It's a nice enough.
That's for all our dad jokes enthusiasts out there.
That's for you guys.
Good job.
That that pulls been in several other Adamson films as well.
This is like a greatest hits almost seen with somebody's motherfucking house.
Oh, more than likely, it was Adamson's house.
Do you think that was at the pool from the movie I did last week?
The teenager fucking save the rec center movie.
Probably.
Yeah.
Sunset Cove where they had the big party.
Yeah, I wouldn't doubt it.
He probably shot it at his house to save money.
I miss Sunset Cove right now.
Yeah, that one would have been a better commentary.
But this is it.
We're done after this.
Hey, what's Burt Reynolds doing in there?
That's nice.
You know, they're getting their money's worth here with this scenery.
We're going to do a chase scene up the hill on Gondolas.
All right.
All right.
We were in the final stretch of it to get to be good.
I could start downing some more Bob last.
Yeah, we only got 13 minutes left and yeah, we're we're done.
Yeah, they spent some money on this.
They got some helicopter rentals in the shot for him to go after the gondola.
They paid for gondola usage.
Yeah, right?
Helicopter, this is where all the money went.
I really like this season.
Go ahead.
This is why we're getting vagina pinky ring wounds that look like shit, it's because all the money went to this.
I was just gonna say too, I'm thinking I would really like to see the jet pack that was in the spy movie that they tried to make with Jim Kelly.
I'd like to have the spy jet pack.
Yeah.
They really did try to sell jet packs as a thing that was gonna happen in the 70s.
They really did.
Everyone thought jet packs were gonna be the deal.
I mean, they even put Lee Majors in one of the $6 million man in that era.
Yeah, yeah.
Hell, Super Bowl I's halftime show was the guy with the jet pack.
No kidding.
Yeah.
The mountain view is fucking gorgeous.
It really is.
You know what?
Al Addison has done some movies with great scenery in it.
Yeah.
It's just terribly done over top of everything else.
But this is this this he spent some money.
Yeah.
I mean, a shootout on a gondola from a helicopter is actually pretty fucking cool.
This is a pretty neat idea.
Yeah.
Look at Al Addison, just fucking sometimes he trips into doing something cool.
Yeah, one of his ideas worked in this sequence.
And this is not badly edited either.
All of the cuts are jarring, but in a way that is highlighting the action a little bit better.
It's actually pretty dangerous for a helicopter to be flying around all this fucking cabling.
Yeah, right, that's dangerous.
I would never do this scene as an actor, my fear of heights would not allow me.
Yeah, you wouldn't hang out the door and you would also not be in the helicopter.
No.
Terrifying helicopter rides with a presumably drunk pilot.
This is a look that needs to come back.
Ladies with just wearing bib overalls.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind that.
That's something that could definitely make you come back.
I'll accept a bikini top underneath there if that makes you feel better.
Yeah, whatever, man.
I'm just saying.
The side boob from a bib overall is just a great look.
It's breathtaking.
Maybe it's just the hill folk in me that likes that.
Yeah.
He has not got the outfit on for being in the desert.
It would be nice if they chop him up with a helicopter.
That would be the easy thing to do.
All right.
No, he tackled him off the helicopter.
That's cool.
He's going to put the gun away so they can fight like men, and he's going to kill him with bare hands.
You think Jim Kelly is going to put a vagina on that guy's neck?
Probably.
Look how they have him dressed.
It's like, oh, no, he was just, oh, shit.
Jim Kelly's getting his ass whooped.
They have him dressed like classic good guy, bad guy, where one cowboy wears white and one cowboy wears black.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
We know from previous films that Adamson was like a big fan of that old school Tom Mix style western.
He should backhand him with a bracelet and put some cuts on his face.
Like a little Bruce Lee action going.
I'm excited, man, we only got like nine minutes of this shit left.
I know, but we're almost done.
Yeah, and I guarantee you, they're gonna pad out this last fight, and then we'll have like three minutes of closing, but this fight is gonna be like a chase fight scene.
They're just gonna keep going and going.
But at least the scenery is good in the background, like the mountain views and stuff.
It's not bad.
This guy can obviously take a little bit more like of a punch and knows enough about fighting to fake it.
Oh.
That stunt was bad though.
Yeah, that was really bad.
Okay, whatever that meant.
It's just with its arms waving when he's teetering.
Okay, like a Swedish chef reference, I'm guessing.
Yeah, like just being wacky.
This scene rocks.
They did seem serious.
Wait, he's still getting away?
What the fuck?
Also, the one guy stayed behind and slowed Jim Kelly down with a fight, and now Jim Kelly's got to pursue him.
Yeah.
The man who chose the self-deprecating title of the pig because he has kink that we will never understand.
Or he's a lying, egotistical, hypocritical bigot.
Yeah, all that.
Like Daphne Cotter.
But he loves turtles.
Yeah, I can't fault him for that, because I was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fanatic as a kid, and now as an adult, I'm a nostalgia indulger of classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
We are just getting sucked into this running through the desert scene.
Hey!
Hey!
This guy's smart.
When you encounter a martial artist that's as deadly as Jim Kelly, you fire upon them.
Yeah.
And keep them at a distance.
Man, these guys can't hit shit.
They trained in the Stormtrooper Academy.
You don't throw your gun down when you run out of bullets.
Come on.
Yeah, you always throw the gun down.
No.
Okay, why is this plane here?
I don't understand.
For reasons.
Oh, they're probably here to pick up the bad guy, right?
It has to be.
Yeah, we should totally.
No, just some dude who likes flying around the desert, man.
Don't knock some people's stuff.
I'm pretty sure even if we did pay attention to the plot, like we were taking notes on this, we would still not know what's going on.
The best I have is that they bought it.
There's some information out of that microchip.
And there you go.
That's all I got.
Microfilms.
It's probably going to bring down their entire criminal organization.
That or it's like some secret recipe for some shit.
Paprika is the secret to their deviled eggs.
That's what this whole.
Yeah, that's, that's what this all about.
A little chili's recipe that shit's important.
A little cayenne pepper and then a lot of paprika is the secret to the deviled eggs.
That's what this all has been about.
Smoky paprika, by the way.
He just rocked Jim Kelly's world there.
And again.
And Jim Kelly ducks out of the way.
Nope.
Oh, this guy must have a really hard head.
Yeah.
Well, look at him.
He's fucking he's just a unit.
Jim Kelly can't match strength with this guy.
Oh, it's a helicopter slam.
Yeah, this is very like WWE.
Yeah, we have movies coming up that's going to have fights that are very like old school wrestling style fights that you're going to enjoy at some point.
Oh, I can't say what I'm getting real Kirk versus the gore lizard guy in Star Trek.
The gore vibes.
The gore.
Yes.
Thank you.
The gore.
I wonder if it is in that same Bronson Cave area.
Is that that must be that's where Batman was shot to or that cave?
Yeah.
Now, this is in the desert somewhere.
But yeah, it does have that Bronson Cave to it.
Yeah.
I mean, if someone really needs to burn all this brush.
Yeah.
We need a control burn.
Clean this up.
Yeah, that's definitely the bad guys, because they're firing up engine killing.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They're all wearing sunglasses with machine guns.
They're definitely.
Yeah, if they were wearing their sunglasses at night, it was so they can so they can block out the visions in their dreams.
Listen, man, what I do in my home private time when I'm wearing sunglasses at night, it's my own fucking business.
You leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not trying to judge.
I just want you to be safe.
OK, I will wash your hands before and after sex.
You know what?
Wash your hands, no matter what you're doing.
Whatever you do, wash your hands.
All right.
That's all I'm saying before and after.
I'm with you on that.
Whatever you're doing after you're done doing it, no matter what it is, wash your hands.
Now, they're blowing shit up.
Yeah, gasoline pots are being lit left and right.
Yeah, the mountain ranges are absolutely gorgeous.
I'm not angry at having to watch this for a couple of minutes, even though this film is a bad.
Yeah, we have definitely suffered worse.
And for being like an hour and 27 minutes and some change, this isn't terrible at all.
I mean, obviously, we didn't pay attention to the plot, and that doesn't matter.
Yeah, I have no idea what's going on.
But yeah, just randomly tossing dynamite out of the plane to murder people.
I'm down with this.
Yeah, one of which might be your boss.
Right.
If you don't time it well.
Damn, that was close.
You blow up.
You blow up the.
Oh, damn, that was close.
Right.
That was very close.
I really, really, really never want to have to fly in one of those.
Anything about that, small?
A prop plane?
No, thanks.
We see them all the time out where I'm living because we got that little airport that just has all prop planes where people learn how to fly or rich people store their prop planes.
You see them in the air all the fucking time.
It's a place to go in a zombie apocalypse and hijack yourself a fucking pilot.
Yeah, right.
There are a few helicopters there too, so you see them sometimes.
So you definitely want to grab one of those guys with the helicopter.
And go down to the dead.
Yeah.
I mean, listen, it is the best thing because you don't need a runway to land.
Yeah, I think I'd rather have a helicopter on his own.
If he shoots down this plane, I'm going to be very happy.
Uh-huh.
Oh my fuck.
Of course he did.
Dude, this is like, dude, wait, this is like the second Al Adamson movie where the guy shoots a plane down.
Yeah.
Oh my God, the Kung Fu kick, roll credits.
Oh, roll credits.
Oh, it is a job, dude.
It is a job job job.
Sakata was the pig.
I fucking love our job.
Damn, my job was ripped for as old as he was in this, right?
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
God damn.
He shut your mouth off.
Not skip the gym.
Yeah.
He shut your mouth up whenever you actually saw him in clothes that fit.
Yeah, I was like, oh, fucking odd job got done.
I bet you that was actually odd jobs house.
Maybe that's why the portrait of odd job was there.
This just filled in all the odd jobs loves turtles.
I bet that was all his turtles.
Yeah, he probably added all those character things that we liked.
I bet.
Yeah.
And I'm positive that was that had to be dated to this voice.
It sounded so much like him.
Right.
This is the bad part about doing commentaries is you got to talk to the credits too, but.
Yeah.
Why?
Why?
Why?
What is that a rule?
Yeah, we got to do it.
So the special effects worked for me.
The stunt coordinator was Bud Cardos.
That's a fucking name.
The stunts actually were not terrible.
There's a few moments that were worse than others, but like the stunt action for most of the scenes were decent.
They did the smart thing and reused guys that knew what they were doing and just dressed them differently.
That's a trick that Jackie Chan used for like ever.
And we finally reached the end of it, and now we can fucking close out the show.
Oh shit, it's over.
All right, well, let's give everybody a little break here with the show Housekeeping, and when we come back, we'll close out this fucking show.
We'll ride on.
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That is it.
That's it.
We're done.
No more Al Adamson films.
That's it.
I'm deleting this film off of my computer, so we don't have to do this anymore.
Death Dimension is done.
It's all over with.
And what comes next?
We're all feeling good, baby.
Yeah, year 10.
This is it.
Year nine is done.
We are now at 10 years of podcasting with the next episode that we record.
We just went through the 10th Ring of Hell and survived it, and now the gates of heaven are opening.
It's fucking great.
Yeah, year 10 is gonna be fucking kick-ass.
I can't wait to get it done.
Fuck it.
It's gonna be just...
It's the zenith of what we're doing here, folks.
It's gonna be great.
It's what I had planned all along when we were just gonna quit, quit, but now we're not gonna quit.
We're just gonna go to seasons.
That's the plan at the end of all of this.
So we're very seasonal.
All right.
Well, speaking of that, while you're out there wishing we would just get to winter already with this bullshit, get the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch.
Recording stopped.