I am Melissa Ritchie. I know most of you guys. Jeff asked me to introduce Julie. I have known her for a couple of years now. I found myself at a point of crisis a couple years ago when I called up Julie, to get some counsel.
Speaker 1:And I was able to sit under her wise counsel, for a couple months, and the Lord really used her in my life, in ways that she probably doesn't even imagine. And, at a time in my life when I couldn't speak truth to myself or hear truth, she spoke it to me clearly and firmly and lovingly. And so she's just been a made a huge impact on my life, and I know she has on some of you in this room. So, we are very thankful that you're here. Julie is wife to Wes, and they are parents to 3 children.
Speaker 1:They're members at Oak Mountain Pres, where she is on the pastoral team. Are you pastoral team coordinator? Is that right? Okay. And they also lead a small group there.
Speaker 1:She's been in private counseling now for over 15 years, but more recently, she has authored the study, Idle Addictions. Idle Addiction and that's right. It has been taught all across our city and I think even across the South. And more recently, she has authored a bible study called unhitching from the crazy train, finding rest in a world in which you have no control, which is going to be launched this fall, at a retreat at Dawson, August 15th 16th. If you guys wanna check that out, it's open to the public, and then she'll be teaching a bible study at mountain pres with that this, fall.
Speaker 1:So we're very glad you're here.
Speaker 2:Heavenly father, you are present here. We ask that you would speak. I ask that you would give me clarity and that you would open up ears, for the message that you have for each person here. We know that, this is a divine appointment. And, make us open to that for whatever it is that you wanna do here.
Speaker 2:In Jesus name, amen. Alright. You know when you teach, you're supposed to engage a crowd, so I'm going to say something to you, and I want you to think about it, but I don't want you to say anything out loud about it because then I might embarrass you. So I just want you to think, what do you think about this? This is Ralph Waldo Emerson, this is what he said.
Speaker 2:Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. Once you make a decision, exactly. Once you make a decision, the Universe conspires to make it happen. And this is what I want to know to Mr. Emerson.
Speaker 2:What universe are you in? Because that ain't the way my world works. Like, this Saturday, I didn't even have to go back a week to come up with anything for you. This Saturday, and this is a true story, I had a really lofty Saturday morning list. I needed to buy 2 bar stools, and I needed to take back some paint to Sherwin Williams.
Speaker 2:That was it. That was my Saturday list. So I started Sherwin Williams. I pull up, I open up my door. Out jumps a brand new sealed can of paint.
Speaker 2:It hit the bottom of the parking lot in Sherwin Williams and exploded all over their parking lot, and then, this was the worst part, I don't even know how I did this, but it exploded up underneath my car. So I have no idea how I'm ever going to clean that or anything. I just thought it'll be okay, like nobody will be able to see it. This is wrong. It is extremely obvious that there is something way up underneath my car on the left side.
Speaker 2:I have not mentioned this to my husband because just a couple of weeks ago, I had another incident involving a mailbox, and he was really really sweet about it when I told him that happened until the next day when he saw it. And, well, the scratch pretty much went from one end of the car to the other end of the car, cut all three doors. And he was like, Why do men ask these questions? He said, Once you hit it, why did you keep going? Like like, I hit it and thought, Hey, I'm already at it, why not go on ahead and press the gas and just keep on moving?
Speaker 2:So I did. Scratch all the way down the car, so I figured, it is not a particularly good time to mention to him that now I have this white paint exploded up underneath my car, and I have no idea what to do with that. But he's in DC, and he doesn't know anything about it. So don't mention anything about it, and don't post this podcast until, like, at least a couple more weeks. So that was the first thing.
Speaker 2:Sherwin Williams. Then, I go looking for the bar stools. We go to this cool Hannah Antiques downtown. I see really, really great cane bottomed antique bar stools. Oh, they were so cool.
Speaker 2:Mint condition. I propped myself down in one of them. I know, right? Pop. And I was like, no longer sitting on the barstool, I was sitting in the barstool.
Speaker 2:I popped up as fast as I possibly could, I had gone through the entire thing. There was a man standing there, which was the worst part of it because otherwise, truly what went through my head was maybe no one saw, and I could just get out of here as fast as possible, but not seeing was one thing, but it also made a really loud explosion, kind of like you go through a cane backed chair. So, besides, they all had those, cameras. So I figured, you know, and so I had to take the chair. He said, Just find someone that works here.
Speaker 2:So I began to walk around carrying this cane backed barstool, feeling worse and worse and worse, and I'm trying to kind of smush it back together on the top thinking maybe nobody had noticed. Up walks my husband. Again, why do men ask questions like this or say things like this? He looks at the chair and says, well, that's broken. Thank you.
Speaker 2:He didn't realize why. Why did I just like burst into tears right after that? Because I had a major overreaction to that, which tells you tells you something. Right? Tells you when do you act a little bit on the crazy side.
Speaker 2:You know what the definition of crazy is? It's, it really does. It has a definition. It means when you, have a disproportionate reaction, something out of the ordinary, extraordinary. So what is it that makes you crazy?
Speaker 2:What is it that makes you do things that you wouldn't normally do? Say words. I'm not saying what the words are, but maybe say words that you wouldn't normally say. Do things that you wouldn't normally do. When you're triggered, sometimes you can make an absolute lunatic fool out of yourself.
Speaker 2:And then afterwards say, what came over me? More than likely, what came over you is that the universe was not conspiring to make your plan happen, That somehow people and circumstances got in the way. You know, when you tithe and your bank account goes to 0, or when the committee gives the job to somebody significantly less qualified than you because you were the wrong gender, Or, when you do your very, very best, you jog, you eat right, you never smoked, and you end up with cancer. See, those are the times when you start realizing a couple of things. Number 1, you are not in control.
Speaker 2:Meaning that A plus B doesn't always equal C. Or, you also realize that you are now face to face with a God who will not be contained into the formula that you might have been raised in with, if you were raised an evangelical South, the theology of good choices, which says that good choices equals good outcomes. Which is not really a covenant relationship with God, but more like a contract relationship with God, I do my part, you do your part. And often you don't even realize you have that type of a relationship with God until he didn't keep his end of the bargain, and you got it anyway. You gave your heart to someone, and they broke it.
Speaker 2:And where was he? I really think that, there's a lot of watershed moments in the journey of faith, a lot of coming to age moments. It's not just when your faith became your own and not your parents', there's another one. And the other one is when your world collides with your concept of control, and your concept of goodness of God, and everything suddenly gets called into question. And at that point, you're thinking, Okay, see now, you know the law, you know what's right.
Speaker 2:How's that working for you? You know you're called to obey, but see, now you're starting to recognize that you're called to obey that which you can't control the outcome of. You're starting to recognize that he doesn't work off contract. He works off covenant. Which means you can't necessarily control, which means all you're left with is trust, but you see that cuts right across the grain.
Speaker 2:Because on the one hand, you want to obey. If you are a believer, you now have the spirit of Christ within you. If you have the spirit of Christ within you, that's it. It's a done deal. That's the core issue, that's the core of your heart.
Speaker 2:There's no longer black dog, white dog, which one grows the biggest, the one that you feed. No. At the core of who you are, if you are redeemed, you have a desire to know, obey, and glorify God because the core of your heart is now in Christ. I'm not saying that that's what you're living out of, but I'm saying that that's the reality of what happened under the terms of the New Covenant, but you know, outside of that is a lot, a lot of deeply rooted trust in self. And if you didn't have deeply rooted trust in self before, after you've hit a couple of those moments when A plus B did not turn out to C, your sense of desire to trust in self amps.
Speaker 2:It's at that point that you move into a significantly deeper level of your faith, not just becoming your own, but your faith growing up. And I had no idea that you were as young as you were. I I I, I've aged like 40 years since I arrived here this evening, and so I've had to change a lot of this. And then I worried, oh, shoot. They don't know yet.
Speaker 2:So for those of you who have not yet smashed into the wall of A plus B did not equal C, if you haven't smashed into the wall, just take good notes, record me on your phone because I'm promising you it's coming. Say that. I don't say that to you. This is the truth. I told this to someone today in my office.
Speaker 2:A plus b does not equal c, and that is God's good gift to you. God help you if you were really as in control as you thought you were. Can you imagine if it really did work like you thought it should work, that you did the right thing and you got the right results? Do you understand what kind of a chain that really is to you? What a terrifying existence that really is?
Speaker 2:So, in fact, and this is what I pretty much do all day long, and people come to see me more than once, interestingly, but this is what I do all day long is say, A plus B does not equal C, and there will come a day when you will be thankful for that realization. Because I'll tell you, I'm not smart enough to do A plus B. I can't figure it out. I can't even do the things that I want to do, and I can't stop doing the things that I don't want to do. So if it is up to me, that is a really scary way to live.
Speaker 2:Now, I don't really like the way that God tears that degree of control out of my hand, but I have come to recognize it is easier with my clients but I have come to recognize even in my own life that that really is his mercy and I want to move into that rather than seek to conquer that. So what would that look like? I'm going to read Romans 7 but I'm going to read it out of the message, because it's too familiar of a passage, although you're just not young old enough yet to have anything be too familiar to you. But anyway, I like the message because it's a different version, and sometimes for me to read it's not a translation, it's a paraphrase, but it's a good paraphrase. And sometimes it helps me to hear scripture from a different angle, a bit rougher language.
Speaker 2:So anyway, plus, I totally relate to this. The first half of this, I swear this sounds like a diet commercial. This is Paul, Romans 7. I can anticipate the response that is coming. I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not.
Speaker 2:Isn't this also your experience? Yes. I'm full of myself. After all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.
Speaker 2:So, if I can't be trusted to figure out what's best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that god's command is necessary. But I need something more. For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging, as if there were another force at work, keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help. I realize I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it.
Speaker 2:I decide to do good, but I don't really do it. I decided not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me, and it gets the better of me every time. Now, here's where he's going to sound like a real addict.
Speaker 2:He says, it happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands. Now that's a weird thing to say, is it not? He's in the midst of talking about what a screw up he is, then he says this weird statement, he says, I delight in God's commands.
Speaker 2:Why does he say that? Because he knows he's redeemed. He now has the spirit of Christ within him, and so he defines himself as, it isn't about what I'm doing. In the core of my being, I delight in God's commands. But it's pretty obvious that all not all of me joins in that delight.
Speaker 2:Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything, Nothing helps. I am at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
Speaker 2:She's having one of those moments. This is what you could also call a come to Jesus moment, where you're at the end of yourself and you really have tried, and it keeps happening, and you can't quite figure out if you're redeemed why you keep looking like this, If you know the right thing to do, why haven't you done it by now? Oh, by the way, why hasn't God zapped you? Why didn't he take the temptation away? Why did he set the whole thing up to where the girl was there anyway looking like that that night?
Speaker 2:Why? Maybe he had a part in it, too. These are just the things that I think about, and I'm 53. I figured you figured that you say think those things, too, right? Like, you could be nice in getting one of these.
Speaker 2:Okay. So, I'm a visual thinker. I think in pictures and charts. And so, a lot of times when I teach, I teach in charts. And so, that's what you have with me, with you.
Speaker 2:Only, oh ye of little faith. He said about a 150 people usually come, so I made 75 copies because that's the degree of my faith. So every other one of you has a little chart in front of you. When I die, I've already left instructions that this is going to be engraved on my tombstone. Tombstone.
Speaker 2:It's going to take them a while, so they'd better go ahead and start now, but when I charted this out about 15 years ago because I was teaching off of Roman 7, I charted it out, I looked out at it, and I thought, Oh my gosh, this is my counseling model. This is all I do every single day, day in, day out. This is it right here, and you're getting it for free. Okay? So enjoy.
Speaker 2:You could laminate it. At Christmas, we'll offer them on the internet, and I'll sign them, and everything like that, and we're going to get them printed on beer cozies. And that'll be available, in the fall, just in time for sorority and fraternity rush. Okay. So, here we go.
Speaker 2:We're just gonna chart out Romans 7. See, he starts out with the exposure over the gaps. See, what Paul saying here is he's saying, I see where I am called to be. I am operating here. K.
Speaker 2:What kind of a Christian adult woman seriously contemplates throwing the chair aside and running out of the store so she does not have to face anybody with her shame and humiliation. This kind of woman would do that. Right? I know I'm supposed to do the honest thing. I know that it's also not supposed to bother me because my righteousness is hidden in Christ and it doesn't matter that I'm so big that I went through a bar stool.
Speaker 2:But I'm just telling you right now, I know where I'm called, but that is not where I was operating. There it is again. It happens so regularly that I can predict it. Why have I not told my husband about the car yet? I've told you 150 of my closest friends, but I have not mentioned this to my husband yet.
Speaker 2:I know that I'm called to honesty. I know that my righteousness is hidden in Christ, but I really don't want to risk that with him. So, I've spent the last week saying to him, That's okay, I'll drive, I'll drive, I'll drive, I'll drive. That's okay. I'll get in right over here on this side.
Speaker 2:You get in on that side, right there. It's okay. Over and over and over again because you know what? It's a lot of work hiding. But I keep doing it.
Speaker 2:So I'm facing a gap. Here's where I'm called. Here's where I am. That's what Paul said. I know where I'm called.
Speaker 2:That is not the problem. We do not have an informational problem. The woman at the well, when Jesus was talking to her, if she came into the average southern evangelical church, do you think we would deal with her the way Jesus did? I think we deal with her based upon what we thought her problem was. Like some of us would say, maybe she just doesn't know the rules about how to keep a man.
Speaker 2:That it's more about being chased and being modest than it is about sleeping with everything that walks. Maybe she just doesn't understand the rules. Welcome to Birmingham, you don't do that. Maybe that's the problem, she doesn't get the rules. Some of you will think, No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:That's not the problem. She has a wounded spirit, and now she's codependent. She's looking for men to meet her needs. So, she needs to go to a codependent group to learn how not to do that anymore. Stop it.
Speaker 2:Because that's codependent. Stop it. Maybe maybe her problem is more along the behavioristic line. Like, she needs to get a little one of those rubber bands around her wrist. And every time she has a bad thought, nasty thought about a man, she just snaps that rubber band, and then she'll associate pain with bad thoughts about men, and then she won't want to do them anymore.
Speaker 2:See, we're laughing. You need to listen to some of the sermons that are being preached around this city. What would you tell her? What would you tell her? If you knew that she already knew what the problem was, what would you tell her?
Speaker 2:See, whatever you would tell her, that's your true theology. Wherever you point someone who sees where they're called to be, or you see where they're called to be, and you see where they're operating, however it is that you would tell them, that is your true God. I'm so much more interested in what people do in my office when they are faced with the gaps in their lives. I'm so much more interested in that theology than I am in what we stand and say on Sunday mornings. Because there often tends to be a fairly significant, fairly significant incongruence.
Speaker 2:So how about you? What do you do? This is what Paul did. No, No, no, no. First I'm going to go down the left hand side of the chart, that's what I'm going to do.
Speaker 2:This is the norm. I see where I'm called. Because of that, I feel that gap got exposed. Notice the first thing he says. See these feelings here?
Speaker 2:Horror, shock, sadness, guilt, shame? Now, I know, you're like, Oh, she said guilt and shame. No. Christians don't have that. I don't know.
Speaker 2:In another version, he says, Wretched man that I am. That's like a really bad self image. Or, it's a really accurate self image because it's pretty much in there. One of the greatest lines ever spoken in moviedom, And I'm a deep thinker and theologian, but the movie Spanglish, that is a fine piece of work right there. But the best, the best part was when, Tia Leoni, who is, she's been engaging in an affair, and she's about to leave to meet her boyfriend.
Speaker 2:And her mother, who is Cloris Leachman, who has been an alcoholic but has just stopped drinking, her mother stops her, and her mother tries to speak truth into her life and basically say, What are you doing? And says something like, Well, maybe mom, maybe I'm just doing this because I have a terrible self image, and I don't love myself, I hate myself, and maybe I would love myself if I wasn't raised by somebody like you. And Clarice Leachman gives the best theologically on target remark when she says, you know, honey, sometimes your bad self image is just good, plain, common sense. And that's what Paul sees, and that's what he feels. You see, sometimes when you're feeling like, you are used to run from that.
Speaker 2:That's a bad thing. When your friends feel that, you say, Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Jesus loves you anyway. It's okay.
Speaker 2:We all do that kind of thing. Don't do that. Don't do that because you see, that depth of emotion is right, is it not? What else is it that you're supposed to feel? You were made for this, and you remember it because Eden is still in your heart.
Speaker 2:You remember, you know what you're called to and you know this isn't it. So there's an ache, there's a longing, there is a discontent, and if there isn't one, you are not alive. So don't move away from that, don't move away from it when your friend's having it. Move in there. Because if you do, then you're going to hit bottom and you're going to ask this question, is there anyone there for me?
Speaker 2:How is any of this going to ever work? He hits the depth of despair and he screams, Have you not done this? Who will rescue me? If you haven't ever gotten there, I pity you because that's the entrance point. But, because you're about to ask this question: Are you gonna move as an orphan, or are you going to move in keeping with what it is that you say you are?
Speaker 2:If your first MO is to move to, if it is to be, it's up to me, I've got to get on this thing. I have got to get control of this. Yes. Starting Monday, I already ordered my Nutrisystem packet. Not that I'm getting personal or anything.
Speaker 2:By the way, if you order once, you need to call and cancel them or else it'll keep coming to your door, Announcing to the postman every time, It's still not working, is it, missus Sparkman? Here you go. Another $400. Enjoy those cardboard pizzas. But anyway, okay.
Speaker 2:That's another story. So anyhow, okay. If it is to be, it's up to me. That's the core belief of a pragmatic unbeliever. Now, this is it takes 2 forms.
Speaker 2:First form it takes, it kind of depends on your temperament. First form it takes is kind of the can do guy, the resolver. That's the girl with the plan. She's the one that nails it down, she gets on the internet, she finds out what the name of it is, she finds out how to treat it, she gets in a group, she goes to counseling, she gets medicine, she is on it. She's on it.
Speaker 2:She tries that for a while, doesn't work. She tries harder, than work. At that point, or it can begin do you see my glasses anywhere? Oh, they're on my head. I know your mother does it too.
Speaker 2:She just I just because I heard one of y'all just, oh, that's just like my mother. The other role is a victim. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're, I ain't no victim. No, I'm not a victim.
Speaker 2:Wait a minute. A victim is not just one that says, oh, whatever. Actually, I think a more common victim in a woman, it looks like deadness, or hardness, or cynicism. In a man, it most often looks like passivity. He's not leading his family, not because he doesn't know how to lead his family.
Speaker 2:Because if he's been a believer in this city longer than 6 months, he's been to some kind of a seminar. He knows how to lead. But the thing is, he resolved, he tried hard, pulled himself up by his bootstraps, he went to the Promise Keepers' Convention, which is a beautiful thing, by the way. My husband, he went 5 times. So I remember the first time.
Speaker 2:He came home, I still remember this, we were probably your age. Remember lying in bed and I remember him saying with complete resolve in his voice, Julie, I am going to leave this home. And I heard, as I was a young woman, I heard the hallelujah chorus. Thank you coach Bill. I knew you could do it.
Speaker 2:I knew you could do it. He signed up, he was in the groups, he got those little chips coming to our house, we got all kinds of stuff. It's a 7 Promise Keeper whatever thing. We got the charms, we got the beer cozies, we got it all. We got it all.
Speaker 2:6 months later, I found myself a great new niche for counseling. I began to run, groups for women whose husbands had gone through Promise Keepers, and made such promises. Because, can I tell you, they moved quickly from pump it up, resolver, to victim? Tried that. Hit the wall.
Speaker 2:Couldn't keep it going. Forget it. I'm not going to talk about it anymore, and I'm going to look to you like I don't remember. I'm going to look to you like I'm clueless. He's not.
Speaker 2:He's not. Don't buy him another book. He's got it. You know what the problem is? He looked to himself to do it.
Speaker 2:He got the law, he's seeing it. He's seeing it right, he's seeing where he's called. But he can't pull it off. He's trying, He's in the groups, he read the books. 5th time, 5 years later, same man comes home and he says to me, I can't do it.
Speaker 2:It was kind of scary. It felt a little bit like we were off the rails, but it also felt a little bit like hope. It felt a little bit like rest. Maybe somebody would rescue us. And it wouldn't be him.
Speaker 2:Because by that point, my trust in him was starting to go down. And I was becoming a pretty hard woman. His trust in himself was also starting to go down, and he was becoming a pretty passive man. We were locked into those patterns. So that's a resolver and a victim.
Speaker 2:If it is to be, it's up to Okay. See now, did y'all not read this? You're supposed to say things back when I say things. If it is to be, it's up to? Me.
Speaker 2:That's the mantra of the pragmatic unbeliever. I know you know. I know you know. I know you know it's all about Jesus. I know you know that.
Speaker 2:I know you know that. What do you do when you blew it? What do you do when your best friend blew it? Do you pull down a book? Do you give them instructions?
Speaker 2:Well, can I just tell you you're running down the left hand side of the chart and you're a pragmatic unbeliever? Your theology is not matching the way you're living life. If you want to know what your truest theology is, pay attention to what you're doing, watch what you did the last time. You blew it big, and worked backwards. That's your true theology.
Speaker 2:When you blow it big, where do you go? What's your hope? Is it beating the heck out of yourself and trying harder? Then you answered the question like this, Who will rescue me? Me.
Speaker 2:How about the man who looks for a woman to rescue him, or the woman who looks for a man to rescue her? And you say, Oh, well, they're not looking to themselves. Yes, they are. Because here's the point, anything other than Christ puts you on the left hand side of the chart. So, it's not just me, it's also what I can corral.
Speaker 2:In other words, if I can corral you to coming through for me, then I'm still taking care of myself, I'm just doing it now through you. If I can do that through my job, if I can do that through my man, if I can do that through my children, if I can do that through any other resource other than Christ that I feel that I can corral, I'm a pragmatic unbeliever. Left hand side of the chart. What did Paul do? You know, in David Letterman, when he, he does that thing where he takes that, he wears a Velcro suit, and he runs, and he splats himself up against the wall.
Speaker 2:That's a great picture of the gospel. When you blow it, you run, and you splat yourself up against the wall. Being a believer means that you remember that you have the resources of Christ. Remember the commercial? Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:I could've had a V eight. That's the problem with the gospel. We are all the time forgetting it and taking life over on our own. So the walk back, when you blow it, when you see that gap, and I'm borrowing this from my pastor Bob Flayhart, who taught us the waltz, Repent, Believe, Fight. The first step is to repent.
Speaker 2:And you're like, Yeah, yeah. Got that one. What? I was raised in the South. I know what repent means.
Speaker 2:Well, usually not. Because usually, when I ask people in the office about what repent means, what they say is you say you're sorry to God for the bad thing that you did. I don't agree. According to Psalm 51, that's David's psalm of repentance over his sin with Bathsheba. Well, go home read that.
Speaker 2:Do you know there's nothing in there? There's nothing in there about murder or adultery. There's an odd phrase that says, Against you and you alone have I sinned. Hello. Well, I don't know how I'd think about that if I was Uriah's mother.
Speaker 2:I think there were some other people involved, and there were. But as that is held up in the Scripture, as the model of repentance, the point is this, repentance is not, I'm sorry for what I did. Repentance is, I'm sorry for what I believed about you God, which is what caused me to do what I did. Because here's the thing, if I am my own savior, I will do whatever it takes to make my life work. And if that means that I will run out of a store, dodging a video camera to save face, I will do it.
Speaker 2:Minor. All the way down though to the depths. If that means that I'm going to throw my kid under the bus before I look like a bad mother, I'll do it. Because I'll just tell you, there are points at which I am very much, oh, yes, I am that wicked. Oh, yes.
Speaker 2:No longer in my core, no longer in my core that tears me up, but in my flesh when I forget I'll do whatever I got to do. And that's the hardest sin. It's amnesia. It's spiritual amnesia. So when you repent, you're repenting that you forgot.
Speaker 2:Forgot what? 2nd Peter 1, something, can't read it. For whoever lacks these qualities, he's talking there about spiritual fruits, is nearsighted and blind, is so nearsighted that he is blind. Now, he's talking to believers here. He's saying, Why aren't you doing what it is that you need to do?
Speaker 2:It's because you're nearsighted? You're so nearsighted that you're blind. Having forgotten what? That he was cleansed from his former sins. When you behave like a lunatic doing the things you're doing, it isn't because you thought that was okay, it's because you forgot.
Speaker 2:You forgot who you were. You know who you are? 2 things. This is the gospel. 2 things.
Speaker 2:Number 1, you are now a son, a daughter, well provided for, daughter and son of the king. You forgot that. That's why you lied on your taxes. It's because you forgot. And if you forgot, you got to do what you got to do, don't you?
Speaker 2:You forgot. If you are lying to make yourself look good, it's not because you think lying is okay, it's because you forgot. You don't have to do that anymore. You're free now. You might be someone who runs into mailboxes, blows up paint cans, and walks, sits in bar stools and goes through them?
Speaker 2:Silly examples, right? You might be someone wicked enough to throw your kid under the bus, or your best friend, whatever works. Because you know what? We're all in the same boat. Right there next to Jeffrey Dahmer.
Speaker 2:We're all there. And you forgot. You don't have to do that anymore. Did you forget? That's what Jesus said to the Samaritan woman.
Speaker 2:He said this. He said, if you only knew, if you only knew you wouldn't do this anymore. You know why you keep sleeping with them? Because you don't know me. If you only knew the love that I had for you, you wouldn't be doing that anymore.
Speaker 2:The problem isn't one of knowledge. You forgot. You're covered now. You don't have to do that anymore. You're going to be provided for now.
Speaker 2:I don't have a clue what that's going to look like. Usually doesn't look like the way you think it should look like, which brings us into another thing I was talking about today with another client, but I'm not going to go there with you. The point is, is that you are. You are a well provided for son or daughter. You don't have to do that anymore.
Speaker 2:When you catch yourself in the middle of some lunacy, like ragging on somebody else in the office trying to throw them under the bus, so the boss will think you're better, remember you don't have to do that anymore, but you forget. Come home. Repent. This is what repentance is. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:I forgot again. I forgot that I was a loved son. So because of that, because I forgot that you are my provider, I slept with her because it felt good, and I wanted relief for that woman. I forgot. So when you're going before the father, it is not merely the act that you are repenting of.
Speaker 2:Go deeper. You did what you did because you didn't believe he was going to come through, and just like Eve, you just made life work. It's relatively easy to stop sleeping with your boyfriend, but to change a belief system that the father's gonna take care of your need, that would be supernatural, would it not? That's repentance. So do you understand what I'm saying here?
Speaker 2:I'm redefining, if you will, repentance. Eve's sin was not merely that she bit the apple, that was the fruit, pardon the pun, of her sin. The root of her sin was that she believed that God was holding out on her, because she believed God was holding out on her, she knew clearly what was right and wrong, totally tossed it to the wind because she was on her own. And if you're on your own, all bets are off. All bets are off.
Speaker 2:You would be amazed at what you would do to make your life work for you. That's how a crack addict ends up stealing from his grandmother. It's not really hard from what I do with my kids, a long stretch from what I do with my kids. I see a lot of similarities there. So that's repent, not I'm sorry for what I did.
Speaker 2:2nd, so move past repentance also now, and to believe what is true. Replace, identify, this is what I didn't believe, and this is what is true. Find the verses in scripture that do talk about that. I don't know whatever it is that you're struggling with, but I do know that the word has some bizarre power to it, and I don't exactly know how it works. But we think that the word should work like Klonopin, which is a fact checking anti anxiety drug.
Speaker 2:You take it, you feel better. It's kind of like wine. Okay? You take it, you feel better. And we feel like that's the way scripture should work for us.
Speaker 2:We read the Psalms, Shekinah Glory, the balm of Gilead. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes that happens. But reality is, is that the scripture is a whole lot more like a vitamin or an antibiotic. You take it, and you don't feel better right away.
Speaker 2:But you trust the doctor, and you keep taking it. You trust that something is going on inside of you that you don't see, or understand, or feel for that moment, but you trust something, and that's why you keep taking it. Most of the time, to be perfectly honest with you, that's me in the Word. I take it in because the father says it does something good for me. Sometimes I feel it.
Speaker 2:Most of the time though, later, it comes out more in life when I'm hit with something, and the truth plays in my head, and I think, Who played that? Where'd that come from? Or I do something bizarre, like I don't yell at my kid when they do something really forgetful for the 8 hundredth time. I don't scream at him. I think, maybe there's some to it.
Speaker 2:You need to know what you believe. You need to know why. Because this life is hard, and you better have something in your back pocket. Because your whatever you believe is your life gets hit, and whatever is in you is what comes out. So tank up now, I guess is what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:By the way, as I believe, as I read, sometimes I read it like things like the Psalms, you'll walk through the fire and not be burned. You see, in my job, I meet with a lot of torched up people. In my life, I've seen a lot of torching. And scriptures like that, they bother me, they really bother me. Because I'm a kind of a bottom line girl, and that don't make a whole lot of sense to me.
Speaker 2:So when I read that, sometimes it really ticks me off, depending upon the day that I recently had, or the story that I just recently heard. So when I read it, I engage the word just like I would if I had a deep, deeply respected relationship with a colleague, and the colleague was training me, and the colleague told me something that sounded absolutely bizarre, if I have a healthy relationship with a colleague, I am not going to say, Okay. Yes, sir. Whatever you say. And a lot of the times, that's the way we think we should read the scriptures.
Speaker 2:Okay. That sounds ridiculous. Yes, sir. Whatever you say. No.
Speaker 2:That is not a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship, if I deeply respected a colleague, I would probably say something like this, Woah. Now, I know you know what you're talking about, and I know I don't know what I'm talking about, but that just sounds bizarre to me. Can you run that by me one more time? That's the way I read the scripture.
Speaker 2:God called David a man after God's own heart. David was a very mouthy man. I'm a very mouthy woman, Jesus loves that about me. Y'all need to get a lot more mouthy. It's in your head anyway.
Speaker 2:This is such a funny mind game. Like, he can't hear it. Right? It's like a 2 year old, You can't see me. That's us trying to hide our thoughts from God.
Speaker 2:Anyway, so that's believe. Most of the time I'm reading it, and I'm saying, Okay. I'm here. I'm applying the word, but I cannot get it into my soul. Only you can do that.
Speaker 2:Make me a believer. Make me a believer. Give me an appetite that wants more holiness for my kid. When really what I often want is just a happy life and a good ACT score and a prom date, and I'm good. I'm that kind of a woman sometimes, but I'm asking Jesus, make me more, make me this, make me this in the scriptures.
Speaker 2:I also say that when I meet people like you, people that I like, and they're cool, and they love Jesus, and they're sold out. Women like that, men like that, they don't intimidate me anymore. Because like now I'm remembering, Oh, wait a minute, same Jesus in her, as in me. Hey, maybe one day. And so, I love it now.
Speaker 2:Because see, that's the gospel. Did you forget How bizarre that Christians are intimidated by each other. That is so bizarre. Did you forget? How bizarre that Christians don't want to hear hard teaching.
Speaker 2:What is that? Has he not given you everything that you need for life and godliness? Look, see, if that's true, if that's true, then you can hear anything. You want to hang out with people that call stuff out of you. You want to do that.
Speaker 2:You know why? Because you don't have a thing to lose, you have everything to gain. Look, see, it's the difference of, I don't know if you've ever bought a house. Probably not. Okay.
Speaker 2:But, if you did, especially like around here, right? If you're buying a house, you hire a house inspector. And you wander around with the house inspector. Now, see, if you're selling the house, the house inspector is not someone that you want to see. And you sweat the whole time they're there, and you try to divert their attention as much as you possibly can.
Speaker 2:And when you see them moving in to a beam that you know full out, you painted over, and you know, Why are you painting it over? And they're zeroing in, your heart starts beating faster. Why? Because you know you're going to have to pay for it. If he finds something, it's up to you to fix it.
Speaker 2:And that's the way believers act with the Word and with one another. Oh. No. I wanna stay away from that. Why?
Speaker 2:You're not the one that's going to have to pay for it. Because, see, you're like you forgot. You're not the home seller. You're the home buyer. Now, when you're the home buyer, you walk along with the home inspector, and when the home inspector zeroes in, you 0 in too.
Speaker 2:What do you see? What do you think about that? Oh, that does look bad, doesn't it? Why? Why?
Speaker 2:You want it out loud in the open because you're not you're not gonna have to pay for it. You're just gonna be able to enjoy it. You want it fixed. Why do we not approach the Word that way? You don't have to pay for it.
Speaker 2:He's already doing it in you. See, you just you forgot. You forgot. That's the gospel. When you're moving away from the Word, you forgot.
Speaker 2:And finally, the fight. It's the practical outworking of obedience because yes, it is a fight. Oh, yes. It is a fight. It is a fight to listen.
Speaker 2:It is a fight sometimes to hear, and that is why you need each other. You need each other to whisper in one another's ear, don't forget who you are. You're sinning like this, this is so not you. What are you thinking? This is so not you.
Speaker 2:Did you forget? What's going on? It's not like you don't know right from wrong. Come on. What's going on?
Speaker 2:What are you believing right now about your righteousness that's causing you to have to hide like this? What are you believing about the provision of God that's causing you to act like an orphan, and you're stealing? What are you doing? Did you forget? When you are with one another in the foxhole, in the fight, these are the things that you are saying to one another.
Speaker 2:Don't forget. Fight the good fight. Be there along with each other, holding on to each other because there are times when the other one seated next to you, they do not remember. And do you have to remember for them? Fight for them.
Speaker 2:Fight with them. Fight yourself. It does not come easy. It's a strange, passive righteousness. But we are called to holiness.
Speaker 2:But here's the bizarre thing, when we fight through the flesh to the deepest part of who we really are, even when it doesn't work, even when the guy leaves because she won't sleep with him anymore, and our heart breaks, and she's alone. There's this weird thing inside of her though that feels alive. Really lonely, but alive. Kind of a good pain. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 2:It's kind of like, theoretically, I've heard about this, the pain after exercise. It's kind of a good hurt. When you are moving in congruence with the Spirit within you, you are never more alive, you are never more you than in that very moment. That is freedom. Not being able to do whatever I want to do, Freedom is being able to do whatever it is that I truly, truly was made for.
Speaker 2:That is freedom. That's the gospel. That's addictive. That's really, really, really good news. Is that what you're living out of?
Speaker 2:We forget the gospel, just the basics, the gospel. That's all I ever talk about, that's all I have to say. I don't really know what my news study is about, but it does have a really catchy title, doesn't it? I don't have a clue what it's about. It's probably going to be something like this, I'll just say it in different words.
Speaker 2:Okay. So I'm going to end here. I hope you haven't had too much beer. That kind of makes me nervous, like talk for 15 minutes while you guys drink beer, then let's open it up for questions. Hello?
Speaker 2:Good heavens. I have never done something that foolish. But because my righteousness is in Christ, and I have nothing to prove to you, and you're all too young to see me anyway, which reminds me that I need to introduce back there, my counseling partner, Amrit Storey, needs to raise her hand. That's Jen Urban. Jen sees more of the, what, 30 and Down set, and all the way down to kids.
Speaker 2:But her specialty is probably becoming more in the college and post college years. So that's where she is. Seated next to her is Anna Nash, administrator extraordinaire. If you have ever done any type of a bible study, through Restore Ministries, it is because of that woman back there. She is the one that's in charge of all of idol addiction, and she is now going to be in charge have we officially said this of the new study, wherever it goes, and whatever happens.
Speaker 2:She's the one that disseminates all of that information through the website, hand holds people, etc. And she is truly the nicest person in our ministry because she is Southern. And you need to, she's holding up this thing, F, F is for Facebook, which Julie does not understand. But Anna says it's very, very, very important. We have 800 listeners, we need 1,000 listeners, and so you, you by the end of tonight, can win a Restore beer cozy if you will sign up and like us on Facebook, right?
Speaker 2:Is that what I was supposed to say? Like us on Facebook. And that's how you do it. If you Google my name, it'll come up, but our ministry again is Restore Ministries, but so is Habitat for Humanity something else around here. So if you Google my name, it'll come up and like us on Facebook, whatever that means.
Speaker 2:We're going to take a 10 minute break, and then we're going to come back and answer questions. Okay. If you would, if you have questions, shout them out. If I don't like them, I'll pretend that I didn't hear it. So questions?
Speaker 2:God, I was just I was like, that's the stupidest thing I've ever done is ask questions to this many people. After how many okay. Before I before I how many beers have you had? I just had one. Okay.
Speaker 2:Okay. I'll I'll take your question. K. I'm also supposed to rephrase it, which is so hard to do for someone my age after 8 o'clock. I'm just like, When I sin, is it I am a bad thing or I've done a bad thing or I've it is at what you said.
Speaker 2:It is, I have believed a lie. No. No. No. No more than standing in a garage makes me a car.
Speaker 2:It is my heart has been my heart of stone has been replaced with a heart of flesh. Period. It does not morph. It does not grow bigger. It does not change.
Speaker 2:It is. Period. That is at the core of my being. On the outside of my redeemed heart is my flesh, which is much of what you see about me. But that is not what my core is.
Speaker 2:My identity is what is at my core. And how I know that too, by the way, is why is it that it feels so wrong when you're getting what you want, but you did it wrong? And that feels intrinsically bad. And why is it that you feel somehow weirdly good when you're not getting what it is that you wanted, but you know it's also for the right reasons. That's the spirit within you.
Speaker 2:The struggle and the tear up that in and of itself is evidence of the spirit in your heart. But we make a huge, huge error by defining ourselves post redemption as, having wickedly and desperate desperately wicked hearts. Pre pre covenant. Has a, by the way, some of you might say, well, that's kind of, you're kind of being soft on sin there. Oh, really?
Speaker 2:Because if I believe about you, that you have the spirit of the risen Christ in you, how much am I going to let you off the hook? Well, my daughter became, a member of the church, she'd meet with the pastor, and then, like, asked her all the right questions, and she said all the right answers, the ones we primed her for. He says, thank you very much. He gets ready to leave. She says, just a minute.
Speaker 2:As he had said, what does being a Christian mean? She gave the right answer. We told her what to say. She said it. He said, thank you.
Speaker 2:She was in. He was leaving. And she says, Oh, just a minute. And I'm like, Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Stop it right there, baby.
Speaker 2:Stop it right there. You're already in, honey. It's okay. It's good. She says, No.
Speaker 2:It doesn't just mean that, it also means that now, you can't say anymore, I can't love them. Because now, you have Jesus in your heart, so you're not allowed to say that anymore because now it's not true. So you see, if you really do understand the gospel of grace, and you really do understand your true heart and your new heart, in fact, you will begin to ask one another for much more than you are asking one another for now. Don't even get me started, women, as to what that would look like in terms of treatment that you might accept from bad men in the name of submission. So, does anybody want to ask me any questions about that?
Speaker 2:No. Just kidding. I'm getting a little fired up.
Speaker 1:I have one. Can you speak about mental illness at all? Like, if you have a friend who knows the gospel and has forgotten the gospel, you remind them of the gospel, but there is still something that is deep and dark and hurting.
Speaker 2:Not only by my teaching, but also by my physical state, by emotional state, my mental state, my background, my organic state, my lots of things. And so my thinking is, as a believer in Christ, I want everything on my court, and I want everything in the court of my my clients. And if that means that they're taking an antidepressant, thank you, Jesus. Because all an antidepressant does is bring you to normal. That's all it does.
Speaker 2:And it assists you in the fight. Listen, it's like you're gonna get across the pool one way or another, but you can get across the pool with fins on your feet, or you can get across the pool with chains around your ankles. You are going to get there, but why make it so ever loving hard? What kind of point do we have to prove? Right?
Speaker 2:I think about this about my kids. Why do I want my kids to be saying, well, yeah, she was heck to live with, but, by God, she never went on an antidepressant, and for that I'm proud of her. What are we doing? Seriously? So go to someone that believes in all all of what God has given to us, which is can be absolutely can be medicine.
Speaker 2:And mental illness is a torturous, torturous hell. Often beyond words, so much harder than dealing with physical illness. Parents who have children, who are mentally ill, deal with a stigma so far beyond, that you can possibly imagine. And the sadness to me is one day we will understand so much more than we understand now, and we will be so sorry for the way that we've treated people. So be careful, be kind, until we know.
Speaker 2:But, I think, it's foolish not to access all of what God has given to me. I see medication as the gift of God. I see medication as the provision of God, just like I see a good counselor, just like I see whatever. That doesn't mean I Jesus didn't work, so I tried Prozac. Where do you think Prozac came from?
Speaker 2:Well, I think we've said about as many things as I can say. As long as somebody will just ask a question about sex, I think we'll have it all covered. Yes? Yeah. That's a really good question.
Speaker 2:What is okay. So look. Is this it? The balance between our effort and our reliance on Christ? Okay.
Speaker 2:I'll give it throughout a couple of more. Two other words. I think that we get the concept of justification. We know that we are going to heaven because of what Jesus did, but when it gets to the concept of sanctification, we get fuzzy. It's kind of like, well, justification is all about Jesus, but sanctification, that's kind of about Jesus and you.
Speaker 2:Kinda. No, it's not. Your sanctification is no more your responsibility than your justification. Your sanctification is no more your responsibility than your justification. However, you have a role.
Speaker 2:You do not have responsibility. The buck does not stop with you. But oddly, you have a role in that. I have a role to avail myself to the means of grace, to the Word, to worship, to meeting with believers, the disciplines of the faith. I need to be in that.
Speaker 2:I need to be doing that. I am not doing that in order to please God. I am doing that because I have pleased God. And that creates in me somewhat of a desire to learn more, to grow more, etcetera, And I think books are great for that. That said, books are not, they are a means of grace, they are the provision, they are not the provider.
Speaker 2:A good seminar can be good provision. It is not the provider. I, as a counselor, can assist someone, But if I die tomorrow, they're going to be fine because all I am is provision. I am not the provider. And sometimes we get mixed up on that.
Speaker 2:And so I think that as long as we can keep aspects, activities, things that we read, things that we do in line with the core energy of why am I doing that? Am I doing that to gain something, to make up for some kind of a deficit? And am I looking for a magic bullet? Then I know that I've replaced it again with a new false god, I've replaced the true god with a false god. But those things have their place because, again, I see that all as a means of grace.
Speaker 2:Does that answer your question? Say yes anyway. Any other questions? It's like so quiet. I should have staged some.
Speaker 2:Do you get the difference between role and responsibility? Do you get that? Do you understand what I'm saying there? Okay. Now, I'm going to, like, ask questions for myself.
Speaker 2:This is like, this reminds me. I have a dog, and, I know, she's really going to keep talking if you don't ask good questions. So I have a dog, and she's like, you know, she's like the only dog and we've only got one child at home. And, like, she's so lonely that she goes and she gets her food out of her little bowl and throws it up in the air, and she goes and chases it with herself. And I feel kind of like that's what I'm doing right here.
Speaker 2:I'm like, I'm I'm asking questions for myself, and then I'm answering myself. But these are just common things that people ask me about. Okay? How about repentance? Was that an odd paradigm shift for you?
Speaker 2:Thinking of repentance not as I'm sorry for what I did, but that what I did represented what I believed. What I did isn't the issue. Sometimes that's very offensive to people. I've gotten in a lot of trouble for that before. It doesn't offend you though, does it?
Speaker 2:I was trying. Do you get offended by anything? Is it just too late? You're really mellow. Pardon?
Speaker 2:Can you talk about forgiveness? I'll ask you questions all night long. Ask them a question. Talk about forgiveness. Like, what part of it?
Speaker 2:It doesn't mean I forget. What is the heart of forgiveness when someone has someone in their life who continues to harm them? I'm not really going to give you the answer on that because this is kind of like Gary Smalley does. He does infomercials for like 45 minutes, and he doesn't say anything so that you can buy his tapes. So I'm really not going to tell you that, because of course you've got to come see me, or Jen.
Speaker 2:But, first thing I would do is I would say, one of the best books I've ever read on that, but I haven't, of course, read the entire thing, because I've never read through a Dan Allender book in my life. But bold love is a great book, and, he does do, I think, an excellent job of describing, forgiveness. I believe that forgiveness obviously is is a command, and it is not based upon the other person being sorry, which which is so hard for me. But often, we confuse forgiveness with resolution and reconciliation of relationship, and there can be forgiveness without reconciliation of the relationship Because there cannot be reconciliation requires the cooperation of 2 parties. Forgiveness only requires the cooperation of 1 party.
Speaker 2:And that is that is me. So I absolutely have a category 4, I forgive. But I do not continue to open myself up to be re injured because that's foolish. And, it also assists the other person, quite frankly, in sitting still more. Boy, that's a tough, tough, tough call though.
Speaker 2:And so I would rarely speak from a table about matters like that. Now I'm getting back into that you have to come pay me the big bucks to get the real answer because so much of it. There are only so many principles that you can give, but the specifics of the continuation of a relationship is so terribly, terribly, terribly contextual to the dynamics of that relationship. But I will say that forgiveness rarely looks like we think it does. That was, like, totally infomercial.
Speaker 2:Like, you want cross stitch it, but you don't have a clue what I just said. But, like, it was so deep sounding, wasn't it? Wow. That was good. Hey, Anna, write that down and Twitter it.
Speaker 2:Twitter it. Say that I, I Twitter, I don't know what that means. Someone does it for me because again, Anna said that you had to do those things, and I don't know how to do those things. So someone follows me around and writes down things that I say, and she puts them out. And when I said, I I would like to read it before you like blast it to people, she says, Julie, just trust me on this.
Speaker 2:So there you go. But anyway, that's totally Twitter worthy right there. If we wake up on the left hand side of the chart, recognizing that we've made life work for ourselves, how do we go right? Is that what you asked? I'll go back to the original question, which is who will rescue me from this victimhood?
Speaker 2:Am I the only one that practices remedial repentance? Jesus, I'm sorry. I am so not sorry. It is so cognitive to me. It is so cognitive.
Speaker 2:I need you to get it down to my soul and make this real to me. I hate this, but I don't really hate this. It is so cognitive. Usually when stuff comes up in my office, I don't even really expect people. What if sin gets exposed in my office, I really say, this is something you leave here and you go home and you do business with the spirit.
Speaker 2:That's probably not something that you're going to end up doing there in the office because I do believe that is such a work of the spirit, and probably not something you're even going to necessarily do with another person. It has to be something the Spirit does in you, even when I think I've done my best work on repentance. There have been a few times like I could count it on one hand the amount of times that I've ever really been knocked flat by my sin. Can I just tell you that? And, by the way, the smarter I am and the faster I am at articulating sin, the worse that problem gets for me.
Speaker 2:So that's I hang with people that don't believe my press because it is a very, very dangerous spot to be in. If you hang if you're at a good church, be careful. Don't start believing your own press. Did that answer your quest? I'm going to stop asking.
Speaker 2:I don't care if that answered your question. I look good. That's what the point is. So is that 5 till? I'm having trouble reading whether or not that's the second hand.
Speaker 2:Okay. So I have 3 minutes to go through 4 questions. I'll do that. This is the other thing that'll be on my epitaph when I die. That's one of the favorites.
Speaker 2:Yes. I have 3 minutes. Are you always this nice? She's so such a problem. Take a card and go see Jen.
Speaker 2:She'll knock that nicest right out of you. Oh, Jen. Sorry. Just kidding. Anyway, okay.
Speaker 2:Just a cliff note. Don't do cliff notes. Alright. The question was this, if you have a cognitive distortion okay. If you are feeling negative about something, you experience a negative emotion, Use that negative emotion like an idiot light on your car, which you are too young to know what it is.
Speaker 2:But before cars talked, we had lights that came on, and they said things like check engine. Okay? If you are experiencing negative emotion, fear, rage, whatever, negative emotion, that tightness in your stomach, right? Let that idiot light go on. Okay?
Speaker 2:If I say to you, Oh, you look upset today. What's wrong? You're probably going to tell me, what? You're probably going to tell me, this is what happened. Because this is what we believe, we believe this, circumstance causes feeling and feeling causes action.
Speaker 2:That's incorrect. But the sit ups from circumstance to the feeling is so fast we don't recognize it. But that synapse is everything. And in that synapse between circumstance, what happens to you, and your feelings about what happens to you is thinking. The reality of what causes your emotion is what you think about what happened to you.
Speaker 2:Okay? How you interpret it. So all I want you to do is when that idiot light goes on, rather than trusting it, oh, this is terrible, blah, blah, blah. That would be the equivalent of when your check engine light goes on, you go right to the dealership and have it changed out, which no one does, unless, of course, you're still under warranty. In which case, I totally high speed it to that.
Speaker 2:But I haven't had a car under warranty in like 30 years. So now, I just put a post it note right over it. I don't even see the check engine light anymore because I don't want to know about it. But all I want you to do is check it out, and I want you to ask yourself 4 questions right before I started feeling this gross way. Number 1, what was I thinking right before this?
Speaker 2:I want 2 to 3 sentences max. Max. I don't want a dissertation, I want 2 to 3 sentences. For example, girl's upset. She walks into a room.
Speaker 2:She feels like an idiot. Everyone here hates me. I hate being here. I have no friends. Got it?
Speaker 2:No, I'm not describing a junior high. I know you're like, That's what happened to me tonight. I knew someone could see. So, because counselors, damn, that's their eye. And so, okay.
Speaker 2:All right. So, she's feeling really bad about it. Number 1, what was she thinking? Right before she started feeling bad, she thought something along the lines of this, they don't like me. They think I'm an idiot.
Speaker 2:Okay? That's what she was thinking. That's the first question. What were you thinking? 2 to 3 sentences.
Speaker 2:I think it's a really good idea to write it down. I really do. Next, is that a provable thought? I did not ask this, is that true? Because sometimes, something could be true, but it's not provable.
Speaker 2:Like, they really might think you're an idiot. But you can't prove that. So I'm asking you this question, is it provable? Because sometimes you're so wed to something, if I ask, is it true? You would hold on to it, and this won't work.
Speaker 2:That's why happy thinking, Christian talk, doesn't really work. Like, just replace that bad thought with a scripture. Does that work for you? That doesn't really work for me because my mind tends to kick certain things out. And so I have to kind of talk down to myself, and I have to say instead, Is that provable?
Speaker 2:100% of the time, would that hold up in court? Now, about 95% of the time, you cannot bad thinking out with one of 2 ways. Number 1 is futuristic, like I can tell a future, and number 2 is what I call the 3rd eye, which is I can tell another person what they are thinking or feeling. About 90% of our bad thinking falls into those two categories right there. Is it provable or not?
Speaker 2:3rd question. Whenever I think that thought, where do I go emotionally? 90 miles an hour, down into a vortex. Okay? 4th question: When I go 90 miles an hour down the vortex, do I behave towards what it is that I long for, what I'm called to, or do I tend to sabotage what it is that I long for and what I'm called to?
Speaker 2:For example, she walks in the room, she sees that people don't like her. They think she's ridiculous. What was she thinking with the hair? She looks like Donald Trump. This is what she's thinking.
Speaker 2:So, of course, when she feels bad, what does she start doing? She starts messing with her hair and backing into a corner. When she backs into a corner, what happens? Do people come up and talk to her? No.
Speaker 2:Which proves her point, does it not? Did it, or is it a self fulfilling prophecy? You know how many times you're engaging in that same thing in relationship all the time. I know what he thinks. He thinks he's got the answer.
Speaker 2:He thinks I'm an idiot. Well, yeah. Look at the way he's looking at me. We do this all the time, don't we? And and then we're just miserable, so miserable.
Speaker 2:Why are you so miserable? Because I'm married. I'm married to somebody that doesn't like me. He thinks I'm stupid because I can see into his mind. Oh, here's the great news.
Speaker 2:See, you don't have a bad marriage, you're psychotic. Okay? Now, I'm not saying, so this is how I'm going to correct it. I walk into the room, what's provable thinking? I'm nervous, I don't really like being here, but I don't know what they're thinking.
Speaker 2:Now, you're like, well, that's not very happy. I didn't say I'm doing happy thinking. I didn't say I'm doing positive thinking. Because that won't work. You won't go from negative thinking to positive thinking.
Speaker 2:But here's the thing, positive thinking is no more provable, most of the time, than negative thinking is. All I want you to do is get to provable, which 95% of the time can start out with, I don't know. 95% of the time, especially if you're somebody like me that knows everything. You see, if I can just merely tell myself, I don't know, here's the weird thing, it calms me down. Because let me just tell you, it is a burden to have the 3rd eye.
Speaker 2:To know all things and to see all things, it is a hard gifting to bear. But when I remind myself, I don't know. I don't know. It calms me down. How do you feel when you play that tape, I don't like being here, but I don't know what they're thinking, in contrast to, I know what they're thinking and they think I'm a stupid idiot.
Speaker 2:This, 90 miles an hour down vortex, this stable. Doesn't increase, it doesn't make you happy. All it makes you is stable. And that's all we're going for. Stable.
Speaker 2:That's it. That's it. Because if you can stay stable, then you can ask yourself, and when you are stable, do you tend to move out of stability towards what it is that you want to be or away from what it is you want to be. Most likely, you're going to move towards. If I am stable, I might not move back into the corner.
Speaker 2:I might stand in the center of the room with a semi okay look on my face. It's not going to make me go run up to people and talk, but I won't create a self fulfilling prophecy. So that's it. And fast, not that fast, but I gotta get home because I got, like, 12 clients tomorrow. I know you guys, like, stay out all night and party, don't you?
Speaker 2:But I know. And it's a long way home because I live on the other side of the tracks. So I so enjoy being with you. I feel younger. And, so I hope that this has given you something to chew on.
Speaker 2:At least it was fun, and I enjoyed being with you. And you all take care.