Faith, Frontlines, and Fortune - Episode 34: Mastering Mental Performance, Growth Mindset, and Athletic Success with Antoinette Datoc

In this episode of Faith, Frontlines, and Fortune, Anderson Salgado sits down with mental performance coach Antoinette Datoc to explore the psychological challenges athletes face in their pursuit of peak performance. They discuss the impact of toxic perfectionism, the power of a growth mindset, and the three pillars of athletic excellence: knowledge, technical skill, and mental training. Antoinette shares strategies for emotional regulation, managing performance anxiety, and fostering resilience in athletes. The conversation also highlights the crucial role parents and coaches play in shaping a young athlete’s mindset, emphasizing constructive feedback, post-performance appraisals, and shifting from a results-driven to a process-oriented approach for long-term success. 

Creators and Guests

Guest

Antoinette Datoc

Antoinette Datoc is a wife, mother, certified mental performance coach, and self-proclaimed ballroom dance junkie—better known as The Dancing Housewife. Determined to find a shared hobby as empty-nesthood loomed, she dragged her husband—The Dancing Doc—to a local dance studio for lessons. Nearly a decade later, they practice daily, travel across the country to compete, and have earned more than a dozen national amateur titles, all while making lifelong friendships along the way. What began as a blog chronicling Antoinette’s dance floor escapades, The Dancing Housewife has since grown into a full-fledged brand of content, including the popular advice column Ask the Dance Diva and The Dancing Housewife Podcast, which spotlights the stories, struggles, and successes of dancers at all levels. She also produces The Mental Weight Room, a podcast dedicated to helping athletes, parents, and coaches strengthen the mental side of sports. Whether on the dance floor or in the "mental weight room," Antoinette is passionate about helping athletes of all kinds reach their full potential.

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today I have Antoinette Detog, who is
a certified mental performance coach.

And the host of the mental weight
room It's a pleasure having you here.

why don't you give the audience a
little bit of what you do and who

you are and then we can continue
our conversation of athletes

having having toxic perfectionism.

Yeah, that's right.

That's right.

I want to thank you for inviting me.

First of all, it's I'm usually
on the other side of the mic,

so it's different for me.

It's interesting, different kind of
performance anxiety, but so I am actually

a life, a lifelong athlete, and that's
what really inspired me to pursue this

career in the second chapter of my life.

I, was an elite level gymnast,
and then, springboard diver.

I was a division one
springboard diver in college.

I am currently still
a competitive athlete.

My husband and I took up ballroom
dancing about 10 years ago, and

we're competitive ballroom dancers.

And we dance.

It's gone beyond a hobby that we wanted
to pursue together when our youngest

son went off to college and it's become
a kind of an obsession, but it's good.

It's healthy.

It's good for your brain.

It's good for your body.

I was a gymnastics coach.

I stayed home with my kids for Over 20
years, raised my family, when my husband

pursued his career and went back to
coaching gymnastics, which is what I did

previously to staying home with my kids.

Went back to coaching gymnastics
and I coached a high school team

for about eight years always loved
neuroscience, my undergraduate degrees

in psychology, and I've always been,
really interested in how the brain works.

going back to school and getting
certified to become a mental performance

coach was a natural transition for
me because I realized as a gymnastics

coach, flipping and twisting athletes.

Deal with a lot of fear of bodily injury.

So there's a lot of fear
involved in those sports.

And I was constantly coaching
the mental side of that sport.

It's just part of being
a gymnastics coach.

it was a natural transition for me.

I'm really excited.

My husband is retired and now I
am pursuing my full time career.

And he's that elusive house
husband that I was waiting for.

It's payback as hell.

I enjoy doing things around the house.

My wife and I have a great
dynamic, Thank you for being here.

You and I have been chatting a ton and
I find your world extremely interesting

the reason why I find it interesting.

is because more and more we're seeing
life coaches and performance coaches.

it takes me back to, shows that I've
watched in the past, where you have this

individual you and I spoke about this
in a previous meeting with billions,

for those of you who are not into M for
mature rated R shows, do not watch this

I watched the show.

I don't watch it anymore.

There's too much pornography, soft porn
in those shows that it's not ideal For the

brain, but make a long story short, they
have, it's a setting where if you don't

know, the show is, hedge fund managers
and individuals who are constantly being

pressured, like the waffle wall street.

one of the things that they have
is that they have this psychologist

who's a performance coach, but she's
part of the executive team she's

understanding the intricacies of.

Each individual player, they're all
very smart in their own ways, but

struggle mentally to align their
performance with everyday life struggles.

And when I heard about what you
were doing, I was so fascinated.

Because I was a young athlete.

I'm a Marine Corps veteran as well.

And I never had a performance coach.

I didn't even think about something like
that, but it makes more sense once you

are a division one athlete or you're a
high school prominent Athlete and you're

trying to get to the next level, right?

We started talking about what
are some of the struggles of this

athlete from a mental capacity that
limits their performance, right?

I find it amazing that anybody who's
got some sort of competitive edge

could take advantage of someone who
is helping them on the mind portion.

so talk to me a little bit more
about that particular aspect of

Cadence, whenever you're working
with either a coach or an athlete.

what are some of the things that
they're limiting them heavily?

You and I have spoken about fear and
other elements, but if someone has no

idea what you do with coaches athletes,
what do you think is the first thing that

comes to mind to educate people on that?

Yeah.

On that performance element.

I always talk about the.

three pillars of peak performance.

That's one of the first things
I talk about because, let's talk

about this in the context of sports,
because that's my wheelhouse.

my niche, right?

But honestly, the athletic
mindset, a growth mindset is

not reserved for athletes.

It's for anybody who wants to
maximize their potential, be a

high achieving person, or just.

Maximize their performance, right?

Perform at peak levels.

So there were three elements
to peak performance.

The first is knowledge.

And in the context of sports,
it would be knowledge of sport.

that's things like the rules of
the game, situational awareness,

what to do in different
circumstances, that kind of thing.

The next thing is technical
skill or physical skill, which

is literally technical execution,
how to physically do things.

for example, if you're a baseball player,
how to swing a bat, how to catch a ball,

how to field a ball, how to throw a ball.

it's technical skills.

the lower the level, the lower the
technical skill, the higher the

level, the higher the technical skill.

And the third pillar of peak performance
is the mental side Mental training, we

spend the majority of our time cultivating
knowledge of sport and technical skill

as athletes, we try to improve our
strength, our speed, our skill, our

physical ability, we try to learn the
ins and outs and become students of

the game, but we spend so little time
on the mental side, if you think about

it, the mental side is 99 percent of
your success because what is every

single thing you do or say, start with?

A thought, right?

So if your thoughts do not
support your goals, you're not

going to maximize your potential.

You're not going to be successful.

the root of being a peak performer,
of giving yourself a leg up,

is to learn how to identify.

the quality of your
thoughts and to manage them.

that leads to regulating emotions,
which then leads to how we behave,

which then impacts our performance.

I start with talking about the
three pillars of sport and why

the mental side is so critical to
maximizing your potential, because

I don't categorize success as.

Winning, losing, or results
are not in your control.

Success has to be something that
you're 100 percent in control of.

that's maximizing your own potential
through work ethic, managing your

thoughts, regulating your emotions,
and understanding what you can

control and what you can't control.

That's very interesting.

I love that breakdown because it
simplifies the process of how to

address, a performance level athlete.

a lot of times, and I've heard it a ton
Oh, it was an athlete, in high school.

Where are you really?

Because you're athletes
among athletes, right?

Are you like, where you?

Fighting for a scholarship
or trying to go directly into

the major leagues or the NBA?

Those are like the
athletes of the athletes.

I tell my son he had his tryout
yesterday for high school.

He's in here in Utah.

They do it differently.

High school stars in 10th grade
versus 9th grade, which is silly.

but he's in 9th grade now going into
10th grade and he was trying out.

he was breaking it down for me.

the problem is that you got the seniors
who are stronger, faster, more capable.

one of the things I mentioned to
him is they also have the mindset.

And if you think about it.

If you're going into a boxing match
or about to fight someone and that

person is bigger more muscular taller,
and looks meaner, there's now this

element of fear where you're now.

It's not preventing from you executing
or from a performance perspective,

simply because that person on the
other side looks more intimidating.

The same thing applies for
anything, for soccer, for football.

If you're seeing that the physicality
perhaps is higher than yours,

now there is a mental blocker.

That will prevent you from perhaps
seeing that your skills, your speed,

your tenacity, your grid, it's a lot more
robust than perhaps you think because

you're now walking into that fear space.

But I love how you break
it down because it makes.

sense to have the element of
performance being the mind, the

body, and really your abilities.

if those three are in line, then you win
in the game before the game even starts.

Is that the same application for.

Coaches or for when you're teaching
moms, is that some of the things that

you're cultivating moms to educate their
kids or how do you approach those two?

interestingly, a lot of
things I see with parents.

struggling with how to manage their
own thoughts and emotions has a lot to

do with, their own personal mindsets.

And so if you have the kind of mindset
in which a mistake as a failure,

as a devastating failure, You're
going to have an emotional response

of frustration, anger, and you're
going to react to your child in a way

that is not supporting their goals.

even if you've got your kid in mental
performance coaching I've seen this with

baseball dads a lot, they're sitting in
the stands and they may have unfulfilled.

And, little Joey strikes out,
sophomore Joey strikes out and dad

just, says, he's not living up to
his potential even if little Joey is.

signed up for my group workshop and
is doing really well cultivating a

growth oriented mindset managing his
own emotions and looking at mistakes

as opportunities to learn and grow and
trying to figure out what he can do

next time to avoid striking out again.

When he gets in the car on the car ride
home and dad starts hammering away at

him, it's going to impact his confidence
as hard as he works with his own.

Mental performance, coach,
or on his own mindset and

developing his own mental tools.

All it takes is one negative word,
and one bad reaction from someone

that he or she holds in high
esteem, like a parent, like a coach.

And so when I work in my
group workshops with coaches.

And parents, I do a lot of
just personal mindset stuff.

We don't even talk about the kids.

We talk about the difference between
a fixed mindset and a growth mindset,

core beliefs, and the ability to
choose to believe things that support

your kids goals rather than choosing
to believe things that don't.

I was guilty of it.

I was a parent of a couple
of baseball players.

I get it.

I get it so much I feel so ashamed
because I'm one of those dads,

my son plays competitively.

We took a year off.

Cause I told him, dude, you need to
take a year off to reassess not only

your skills, but you also need to
double down on the physicality aspect.

He's on the shorter side right now.

He hasn't, hit the puberty, stretch
yet, but he's getting there.

But one of the things that I said
is do you, you got to work double

because the physicality aspect is not.

It's not natural to you.

I was the same I was skinny.

I was in the fastest,
but I work really hard.

And I think that grit
mentality is what separated me.

But you're so right.

Often parents, and we would
have codes with the parents.

if I heard one of the parents screaming
too much on the sidelines, which

is often something that happens.

I'm Hey, bro, you're too loud.

And we had this code and He
would do it the same way for me.

And then you see the other spectrum,
which is parents who are like,

good job, Timmy, you did so good.

Timmy did not do well, Timmy suck.

And I'm the guy, I'm
like the opposite, right?

I'm too harsh.

Because you're right.

I see a reflection of me in him.

And my frustration is
that I never played D one.

I did play in the Marine Corps,
but I didn't go to college,

to play sports right away.

I enlisted in the Marine Corps.

So for me is perhaps that frustration,
that he's got the skills, he's got

the abilities, he's got the time.

And he's not.

Performing to his full potential, but then
I'm not helping when I'm saying, you're

not fulfilling your full potential and
the defense that you did was terrible.

I think every parent needs
to have one session with you.

To understand the damage that you
are potentially doing to your kid.

And I never heard of this before,
but you're absolutely right.

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Now, from a parent perspective, and just
to talk on the parent side for a minute.

I understand you working
with the athletes separately.

That makes sense.

Mental blockers, how to deal with fear,
how to deal with being intimidated.

What are some of the things that you need
to do outside of your regular practice

to ensure that your mind and your body
and your skills are in tune, but from

the parent side, I see both spectrums

is either you're too harsh on your kid,
and it's dude, we can hear you, you

need to be quiet or go in the back.

But on the other side, then you're
Lying to your kid saying what a good

job you did Timmy and he didn't where
do you find the balance on the parent?

First of all, you have to
understand that What you choose

to believe about something?

isn't always rooted in indisputable
fact if you think Your kid does no

wrong and cannot see where he falls
in the greater microcosm of the team,

that's a problem by the same token.

If you're super hardener kid,
and all you're concerned with are

results, making the varsity squad,
getting a starting position, being

perfect on the field, Then you're.

The other extreme It's the
quality of what you do.

You know how we talk about in
order to lose weight, right?

You got to eat less and exercise more
but that's not completely true because

what we put in our mouth also matters
in terms of our health it's the same

thing It's what you feed your kid's
brain Also has an impact on their

confidence and their mental resources
I always say the one thing is that

Your job as a parent is to be your
kids number one cheerleader, right?

And their number one support system.

Does that mean that you should
cheer for them if they screw up?

No.

You should have empathy.

You should have understanding and
you should not let it impact the

way you behave on the way home.

for example, there are
two kinds of praise.

there's praising results and
there's praising, a person for

their talents and abilities.

And then there's praising work and effort.

I always tell parents, you can never
go wrong if you praise work and effort.

There's actually been studies done
that demonstrate that you don't

build confidence in kids by praising
their ability or by praising results.

You build confidence in kids and a
strong mindset by praising Effort

because we want to cultivate a mindset
in which they believe that if they

work hard, they'll get a return on
their investment and that if they work

hard, they're going to make progress.

And it's not about being
perfect the next day.

It's about long term net gains.

you mentioned the word grit
and I talk a lot about grit.

I have a group workshop that
I do with athletes and I focus

on the five characteristics.

Of grit that were identified by
applied positive psychologist Angela

Duckworth first of all, it's hard to
identify grit is intangible, right?

It's an intangible quality.

You can't necessarily put your
finger on it, but if you see an

athlete, that's gritty, like Simone
Biles in the gym that kid has grit.

Michael Jordan or Steph Curry
is a great example of grit.

He wasn't the most talented wasn't
the best but look at him now,

that's passion, perseverance.

Resilience, courage,
and conscientiousness.

Steph Curry, from what I
understand, works out constantly.

he gets up at four o'clock in the
morning and does his training to make

sure he gets it in because he's a
dad, And needs to get his training in.

And so those are the five characteristics
that I always say to parents.

If you want to see those characteristics
in your child, you have to

demonstrate those characteristics.

If you want your child to be
passionate about what they're doing,

Be passionate about what you do.

If you want your child to persevere,
then demonstrate perseverance.

The same thing with conscientiousness.

The same thing with courage.

The same thing with resilience.

resilience is having the ability To get
back up and try again when you fail.

number one, this is your
child's athletic journey.

They decide they want to quit
and if they don't want to work

hard, then that has consequences.

those are the kinds of things that I talk
to parents of athletes who are interested.

I get a lot of moms of boys
who reach out to me and say.

When he doesn't have a good
game, I can just tell he's so

disappointed and he's so hurting.

And I just want to take care.

That's like the maternal instinct, right?

We just want to take care of our boys.

And I learned a lesson from my
son when he was a sophomore in

college, he was playing baseball at
a D one, power conference school.

My husband and I had gone out of town to
watch him play and he had a bad outing.

I thought, we'll take
him out to a nice dinner.

so I texted him and said, dad
and I want to take you to dinner

and he didn't respond to me.

I texted him again and said, dad and
I want to take you out to dinner.

Like I'm thinking we need to cheer him up.

make him feel better.

And he came by our room, knocked
on our door and he said, mom, you

need to learn to read the room.

I'm not supposed to be happy
right now about my performance.

I'm supposed to be thinking
about what I need to do tomorrow

because he was a relief pitcher.

And so there was a good chance
he was gonna have to pitch again.

So he was in this post performance
appraisal phase where he's thinking about

what he did and what he can do better.

He didn't care about feeling good.

He cared about the process.

I realized in that moment
that sometimes you don't need

to feel good about yourself.

Sometimes you need to, be honest
with yourself, what you're doing

with your performance and figure
out what you need to do next.

And as moms, it's so hard
to let your kids just.

Fester like that, it's really hard.

But I have a whole bunch of catchphrases
now that I give moms there are a lot

of catchphrases, a lot of mantras that
I tell My mom's to say to themselves.

Those are he'll be fine.

This is going to make him stronger He'll
be able to confront adversity in the

future So when we tell ourselves those
things it helps us to calm our brain and

calm our mind And we're not so much in
the fix it phase You know that fix it

situation where we want to fix it and make
everybody feel better kissing boo boos,

you know We're done kissing boo boos.

That's so interesting Because I
hear you so loud and clear as a

parent Normally, I would go in
multiple phases with him, right?

If he did really well, I'm
yeah, that goal was great.

But what about when you did X, Y, and
Z that was more related to his effort?

I was happier with.

You going back in and provide a
defense when your team needed it,

then you score in the goal because I
prevented the other team from scoring.

I agree with you and
it's played really well.

The other things that I've done, and I
love to hear your opinion is when I'm

actually asking him for the feedback
versus me providing it right there and

then, Let's say that they have a loss
and it was one of those that stings

because they were winning and then they
tied and then the other team scores a

goal three minutes before the game ends.

And then you get in the car and you
see him upset and I don't say anything.

And sometimes it's like a silent ride.

I remember his sister saying, it's okay,
she calls him, his name is Tristan,

but she Titi, you did really well.

I'm like, no, Bella, let him process.

He's processing and he's upset.

And then when he's ready to talk,
you see him and he'll ask me a

question and I'll go back and
say, how did you feel about that?

Or what do you think?

Could be, could have done differently
and that's worked really well, but

I do agree to that when I'm very
emotional to versus being there, my

wife's got a great analogy, she's baby,
you gotta be, I'm the ocean because

my emotions are going up and down.

Plus she's pregnant.

So my emotions are going up and down.

But you need to be the mountain
where You don't move, right?

You're calm and steady.

And I'm terrible.

Oftentimes at keeping it cool comes and
steady because I see myself in his, at

his age, Mike, I wasn't like that, right?

Like I was doing X, Y, and Z at his
age and I start comparing myself

It's terrible, but I do
love what you're saying.

What are some of the, and if you
can give me one, a good practice for

parents, especially because when you
win it, when you win, everything's good.

So I, I see a lot of parents doing the
right things when things are going right.

When they win, they provide
the kids the right signaling.

They provide, the effort, man,
the effort was just so great.

Yeah.

I love, that home run, but
the other portion was great.

Or your pitching was on point
throughout and it's this constant.

Reassurance that they're
doing a lot of things, right?

The problem is when
they're doing things wrong.

And I see coaches doing the same thing.

The coach is we should have run
that game, but we just got to work

harder or we got to do this better.

What are some good
applications that you think?

Are ideal for the parent when the
kid loses and for the coaches to

emulate from a leadership perspective
on how should the parent interact,

with athletes when they have a loss.

growth mindset is not
just for athletes, right?

It's for every single
thing we do in our lives.

Growth mindset is what gives
us personal fulfillment.

It helps us maximize our potential
because we can't protect our

kids from negative things.

Negative things happen and
it's important to experience a

full range of emotions, right?

But what we don't want to do is spiral
into that cycle where our, Lack of

emotional regulation impacts our thoughts,
which then impacts our reactions and

actions and impacts our performance,
We don't want what we do as parents

or what we do as coaches to impact our
child's mindset and then ultimately

their mental resources, their ability
to access competence, their ability to

access clarity of process or motivation,

And so if we always think.

My role as a parent or as a coach is not
only to teach the actual sport, but to

help my child cultivate a growth mindset.

That's the key.

And one tip I will give you, I have all my
athletes do this, my one on one clients,

but I also have started encouraging
parents to do this and I call it the

post game or post performance appraisal.

your role is to guide your child or your
high school athlete through performing

an appraisal of their own performance
because their feedback is really the most

important feedback to the mindset, right?

And so I always say, start
with three victories.

And for example, you have a kid that
has suffered a bad loss and you're in

the car and you're on the ride home.

I think the thing that's really important
for us to keep in the back of our minds

always, and to be our guiding star, our
North star is that the goal, the ultimate

goal is to help our kids, whether we're
coaching them or whether we're parents

to help them cultivate a growth mindset.

Because like we said, in the beginning,
the growth mindset, isn't just for

athletic performance, Mental strength
and the proper shift in mindset toward

growth is something that transcends.

anytime you want to be a peak
performer, anytime you want to optimize

your natural ability, anytime you
want to maximize your potential,

You want to have that growth mindset.

one of the tools that I give
parents is what I call the post

game or post performance appraisal.

your son or your daughter has had
a bad performance, a bad game,

whether they've had a personal bad
performance or the team has had a loss

And you get in the car and I
always call it the car ride home.

I always talk to my athletes and
they say their least favorite part

of everything is the car ride home.

They hate the car ride home.

so the first thing that I always
instruct parents to do is say.

Hey, do you want to talk about the game?

And if it's no, then you turn on the
radio or, you play spot the punch buggy

or whatever it is you do on the way home.

And You don't talk about that
performance until they're ready.

And you can say, I've got some questions.

I was just wondering if, you wanted to.

Talk later, or I have some ideas that
maybe might help you be able to process

what happened just from my perspective,
just from the perspective of a spectator.

And if they do want to talk about
it, or when they're ready to talk

about it, because they usually are
ready if you approach it like that,

and you give you empower them with.

The choice of either talking about
it or not, nine times out of 10,

they want to know what you have
to say, because it is inherent

kids want to please their parents.

I don't care.

It just is what it is.

God made it that way.

And so the first thing I always instruct
parents to do after initial question is

say, before we talk about what happened.

I saw some really great
things in the game.

Tell me about three victories
that you feel like you had today.

Because what that does is it shifts
the brain from focusing on the

negative to focusing on the positive.

And that's part of
cultivating a growth mindset.

We have a negative brain bias.

It is just, it's the truth.

Negative thoughts, negative
patterns, negative experiences,

traumas, they stick to us.

Like Velcro, positive
things are like Teflon.

So we want to retrain the brain.

The brain has this amazing property
called neuroplasticity and we can

train it to do what we want it to do.

And so focusing on three victories is
a way that we have a consistent routine

of shifting, even in bad situations.

situations shifting from negative
to positive or even neutral.

So once they talk about the three
good things, then you celebrate that.

And then the next question is, okay,
so you lost or there's, it's no secret

you didn't have your best performance.

What do you think are three things
that you can do at practice tomorrow

or in the next game to try to
avoid the things that happened?

What are three things that happened
and how would you fix those?

The next time around.

So we start with three victories
and then we circle back and we

talk about three areas of weakness,

And we always talk about, guess what?

A weakness is an opportunity to get what?

To get stronger.

And that gives them action steps.

And then after you have that conversation,
you can sit down and say, all right,

we talked about what you did well.

You got to keep doing that.

Now we talked about the areas
where you think you can improve.

What are your intentions
going to be for the next game?

Let's make an intention statement.

And then you help them create
a statement of intention.

So for example, I'll use baseball
because I see a lot of baseball players

and my sons were baseball players.

Kids are struggling at the plate, right?

Everybody goes through a slump
and a slump is like a virus.

It's going to run its course.

No matter what you do, it's
going to run its course.

But the people who survive the slumps.

And who recover more quickly are
the ones who see them for what

they are opportunities to make
changes and to make improvement,

Rather than saying, Oh, my
gosh, I'm in a slump and I've

absolutely no control over it.

If you see it as an
opportunity to change your.

Approach or to tweak your mechanics,
then you have control over the situation.

You don't have control over the results.

You may still not get a hit, but you are
controlling the process and your effort.

And so with baseball players that are
slumping a lot of times, we'll just peel

it back and get to really fundamentals.

One pitch, one hit, or watch
the laces, or level swing.

And then you turn it into an intention
statement, which begins with, I will.

I will keep my swing level.

I will watch the laces.

I will swing at the first pitch because
a lot of times, what drives dads crazy

is when they strike out looking, right?

Because it's, it looks like
you're not even trying.

So those are the kinds
of things that we do.

And as parents, you can actually be
the mental performance coach, but in

order to do that, you have to have a
pretty healthy mindset of your own.

So does that make sense?

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So much.

It makes so much sense because,
one of the things that my son even

brought up at one point, he was
watching Messi watch his son play.

And, he showed it to me and that
changed my mindset a ton too.

Messi's the best player in the world
and he won't coach his son because.

If he's doing that sideline coaching,
then his son is not listening to the

coach, he's listening to his dad.

and we don't know what the coach's got
in mind in terms of vision of the game.

And then the other portion is, it's now
becoming a policing game to your parent

versus getting in the game and being there
present and being there for your team.

And, it's so interesting what you
mentioned because I see it oftentimes.

And so much is going through my mind,
even for executives that have wives

that are doing exactly what moms do
with their kids in a very tough day.

I see as an example, my wife.

We went to a conference not too
long ago and she sees me processing.

I'm processing a ton.

And I'm saying is I
gotta make some changes.

And she's tell me more.

Tell me what changes.

So she's not asking me questions.

She's just letting me think and process.

And adopting that same mindset
for your kids is probably ideal.

I think everybody needs to have
a one on one with you, Antonella.

I'm a firm believer now in, coaching
methodologies, not necessarily

because I have a different mindset.

I'm intrinsically motivated.

If I see something that perhaps I'm not
doing well, I'm mentally processing,

set up a plan, create an action plan.

Fulfill the plan, but I'm an adult, right?

I've been in the Marine
Corps, been in battle.

I understand really what I need to do.

Have you ever heard of the,
love for you to use it?

Or even if you've heard it, but I train,
how I fight and I fight how I train.

It's a mindset of, hard training,
easy fight, easy training, hard fight.

And that's my mentality.

If everything on training is
harder than the actual game.

And if you treating things like games,
sometimes you win, sometimes you lose,

sometimes you grow more when you lose
than when you win, but everything is

a learning process That's why I think
sports are so valuable for our youth.

you see the people that are the most
selfish whether it is in business, whether

it is in coaching, whether it is in
life, you see those individuals who are

only for themselves and they don't do,
they never participate in a group sport.

Those are the guys you see dude, did
you ever, did you play any sports?

No.

I was in whatever, in the math
club and that there's nothing

wrong with the math club.

Yeah.

I think my wife was actually in the
math, but, they're called athletes.

They're called mathletes for a reason, but
what I'm saying is participating in group

games, Sports or anything that you're
creating somewhat of a, alliance with

someone in to fulfill one mutual goal.

I think I find it extremely important
for youth because it develops.

A lot of the different mindsets later
in life that are needed to excel at

life, to excel at marriage, to excel as
a parent, to excel as a businessman or

businesswoman, whatever the case may be.

I love what you're saying.

And it makes so much sense.

I just never saw it from that
perspective of if I am the leader.

I need to also have that process
in mindset so my son or my

daughter can also apply it.

one of the things that just stuck
in my head, right now is you

mentioned about playing team sports.

And one of the things that I really
like about, People participating in

team sports and also just people doing,
collaborating is that it's the just

gestalt principle, which is that the whole
is greater than the sum of its parts.

And so the talent, the sum of
all the talent of all the players

on a team is much less than how
they actually work together.

And that's how, and that involves
chemistry and that involves

selflessness and that involves so many.

Characteristics that are required
to really be successful as a team.

And so I like that principle
that you're talking about.

But also, one of the things you
mentioned before that I want to just

touch a little bit on, on coaches is
you said, what about when the coach

says we should have won that game?

I've had my kids come home and say, Oh,
coach said we should have won that game.

And my husband is, I have to give him
credit for this because he would say

maybe you could have won that game.

So when you think about it that way,
what are the things that you should

have done in order to win that game?

So it's not, we should have won it, but
we could have won it if we had done this.

And those are the things that you
should have done, not should have win.

You can't control winning or losing.

It's a result.

Because why can't we
control winning or losing?

And I say this to kids all the time.

Can you control how hard
your opponents work?

Can you control the umpires?

Can you control the
talent of the other team?

No.

So you may play your
absolute best and still lose.

And that's a victory.

So winning and losing and results are
just not something that we focus on.

We focus on process.

So should have won?

No, because that's results oriented.

Could have won?

Yes, because that's process oriented.

So that's another tip for parents.

I love it.

it reminds me of the wise words
of, I'll tell you who said it in a

second, but, the future is a mystery.

The past is history, but today is a gift.

That's why it's called the present.

We have to be present in order for
us to process information by the wise

words of master Uwe from Kung Fu Panda.

No I love it.

I think being present and
understanding really what could

have, it gives me back to a story.

oftentimes, my wife and I will
get into hypothetical, scenarios.

If this would have happened,
what could we have done?

And then I heard this individual
once said a quick story.

There were three priests.

Sitting down and they were,
praying and then the devil shows up

and he starts talking to them and says,
I'll grant you one wish, whatever it is.

And one of them says, Oh my gosh, I wish
you wouldn't have, that Jesus our Lord and

savior wouldn't have died in the cross.

And he's okay, what about you?

I wish you wouldn't have ever
tempted, Eve to eat the apple.

And we will still be
in the garden of Eden.

And then the third one bows down,
continues to pray and says, get away

from me evil, because I will not
succumb to your temptations and.

And when they realized I didn't know
that was the devil, how did you know?

And he says, never be tempted to
what could have been but never was.

And I told that story to my son,
it's never be tempted of what

could have been and never was.

Be pressing in today
what you could do now.

Because the past is history.

You can't change the past.

You can't predict the future because it's
a mystery, but you can work on the now.

if your issue right now is passing,
go spend an hour making better

passes, or if you have a problem of
crossing with your left, then go.

After and perhaps just shower and
eat at when you to wake up early and,

train for an hour, how to do that.

present is now right that you can control.

You can't control any of the other two.

I love this conversation.

I think I can talk to you for hours
as we're getting closer to the end.

I love for anybody who wants
any coach, any mom, any athlete.

To work with you.

And I truly believe we should
do a part two because I want

to talk about coaches next.

I love to schedule something with you
if you allow me to talk more about

coaches, but what, if you're a mom,
if you're an athlete or if you're a

coach, how can people get ahold of you
to work with you and have the mindset

needed in order for them to excel?

Yeah.

One way to reach out to
me is through Instagram.

The name of my podcast is the mental
weight room and my Instagram handle

is the mental weight room pod you
can DM me, There's access to my

podcast there, links to the podcast.

Actually, the link is in the
bio, so you can find it there.

if there are people out there
want to learn more about mental

performance coaching and what mental
performance coaching can do for

you or your child's coach, DM me.

FFF for Faith Frontlines and
Fortune, I will give you a

free coaching consultation.

So just, DM to me and get back in touch
with you with a calendar, scheduling

app and you can schedule a time and
I will even provide free coaching.

You're amazing, Antoinette.

It's been a pleasure.

I truly believe we need to do a part two.

been fantastic.

Thank you for all your insight your input.

God bless you.

Thank you.

Thanks for having me.

Take care, everybody.