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Conflict is unavoidable — in marriage, parenting, business, customer service, parking lots, and even theater productions. In this episode of Nobody Listens to Chasta, Chasta and her husband, John, unpack what it means to face conflict rather than avoid it, how different personalities navigate disagreement, why modern life feels designed to keep everyone agitated, and how staying regulated can completely change the outcome of hard conversations. From road rage and private equity to relationship arguments and creative disputes, this episode is an honest, funny, and surprisingly practical conversation about learning how to stay in the room when conflict shows up.
00:00 – “Avoidance is just rescheduling conflict.”
01:22 – John joins the conversation
02:18 – Conflict magnet vs. conflict avoider personalities
04:04 – The Ghost: The Musical curtain call controversy
07:34 – Why audiences reacted so strongly to artistic choices
09:30 – Vacation conflict in Cancun and emotional advocacy
11:23 – Why people are conflict-averse
12:28 – Food orders, standards, and choosing your battles
13:06 – Parking lot confrontation and road rage culture
16:07 – Information overload and living on the edge of agitation
17:05 – Sneaky price increases, customer service failures, and modern business tactics
19:40 – Growing up around debate and lively disagreement
22:22 – Dance competition conflict and unwritten rules
24:58 – Why resolution after conflict feels so rewarding
26:06 – Parenting, advocacy, and refusing the “go with the flow” mentality
27:10 – Private equity backlash and gathering information before reacting
28:41 – Social media, “The Chaos Machine,” and monetized conflict
30:32 – How Chasta and John handle disagreements in marriage
31:39 – Why conflict grows when you avoid it
32:36 – Staying focused on the actual issue during arguments
34:44 – Email marketing frustrations and reacting too quickly
36:13 – Catastrophizing and fighting imaginary conflicts
37:00 – Small business stress and “drinking from a fire hydrant.”
38:24 – Picking your battles wisely
39:27 – Why conflict can actually be healing
40:23 – Staying calm, regulated, and rooted in your values
41:00 – Final thoughts on handling conflict in everyday life
Creators and Guests
What is Nobody Listens to Chasta?
What happens when someone says the things everyone else is thinking—but nobody is willing to say out loud?
Nobody Listens to Chasta is a counterculture podcast hosted by entrepreneur, speaker, and author Chasta Hamilton. With humor, candor, and unapologetic honesty, Chasta tackles the uncomfortable topics shaping modern life—from youth sports trophies and toxic achievement culture to entrepreneurship, parenting, grief, addiction, and the pressure to conform.
Drawing from her experience building Stage Door Dance Productions, founding Girls Geared for Greatness, and writing books like Trash the Trophies and Handle the Horrible, Chasta challenges systems that no longer serve us and explores better ways to live, lead, and raise the next generation.
Expect bold conversations, unconventional perspectives, and thoughtful debate designed to inspire healthier, happier, and more intentional lives.
If you've ever questioned the status quo…
you might be someone who actually listens to Chasta.
[00:00:00] Chasta: I remember the therapist had to tell me that, um, avoidance is simply rescheduling conflict.
[00:00:06] John: I do remember that. 'Cause
[00:00:07] Chasta: I r- I would just rather not. Like, I don't want it. But it shows- It wants you. It craves me. Yeah. It is addicted to me. Hey, everybody. It's Chasta, and this is Nobody Listens to Chasta. Now, typically, when I say cue the... I say cue the confetti, but today, I am flipping the narrative, and we are going to talk about cue the conflict. Because we know conflict is a part of our daily lives in every way, all the ways, every day.
Today, to talk about cueing the conflict, I have brought on my wonderful husband, John, who is very familiar with conflict, conflict I experience, conflict we experience, conflict we navigate, and all of the ways that this is a part of all of our lives. But I don't... Nobody runs around every day like, "Hey, oh, my gosh, let me tell you about all the conflict I encountered today."
Do they?
[00:01:22] John: Well, thank you for having me. I mean,
[00:01:23] Chasta: I, I do say that to you.
[00:01:25] John: Yeah. I mean, I'm just sitting here thinking, I like to think of myself as your biggest cheerleader, your biggest supporter. But also, you know, I like to hope at least that I'm the number one adversary. Yeah. Just in terms of when we are fighting, I hope that I'm better at it than...
I mean, you're a hard person to fight, Chasta. Like, let's be honest. Many have tried, many have, have fallen at your mightiness. But I, you know, I do my best- I don't know ... to hang in there. Whoa.
[00:01:48] Chasta: Whoa. I don't know about all that. Hmm? But you have taught me many new ways of handling conflict, which I'm excited to talk about today.
Like
[00:01:57] John: ignore it, is that what I do?
[00:02:00] Chasta: That's what you would like to do. But I don't like to ignore it.
[00:02:03] John: No, you don't.
[00:02:04] Chasta: So anyway, we'll get into our personal patterns in a little bit. But I'm just, coming on today, I'm wondering, like, did you have a moment... Well, first off, I feel like you are intrinsically a conflict avoider.
I think I- Averse.
[00:02:19] John: Conflict averse ...
[00:02:20] Chasta: conflict... I don't know if it's conflict averse, I just think you don't, it's not drawn to you. Um- That is an interesting point ... you call yourself, you call yourself, like, a mediator.
[00:02:28] John: I do. I, you know, in those aptitude tests- ... that I presented you with so many years ago, if you listened to our first episode you might have caught some of that.
I have the personality, um, of someone who c- who can listen to... It sounds like that original Trump interview where he's like, "Many sides, all sides." But I am able to listen to every side- Mm-hmm ... that is presented before I make a decision. And you try to be a peacemaker. Like, it's, and I, and I, and that's- Yeah.
Yeah ... I, yeah. So it does not, conflict is not coming after me the way it's kinda got a laser lock on you. Um, that's certainly true. It does have a laser lock on me. Yeah.
[00:03:04] Chasta: So yeah. So you, so basically what I'm hearing is you had a pretty peaceful existence. A
[00:03:11] John: peaceful existence. Who has a peaceful existence? I-
[00:03:15] Chasta: You watched your sports, you- Look,
[00:03:17] John: there's a lot of conflict in sports
sang some songs ... let's be honest. You're sitting down there watching the hockey with me like, "This
[00:03:21] Chasta: is barbaric. How are they
[00:03:22] John: doing this?" But-
[00:03:24] Chasta: Yeah, that is true. Yeah. But it, it was like... But, you know, we call that adjacent. Like, it's, it doesn't actually impact your every day.
[00:03:31] John: Well, that's one opinion, certainly.
[00:03:35] Chasta: So anyway.
[00:03:35] John: Sebastian, I was taking him to school today, and he is just, like, on the verge of crying because the Minnesota Wild lost and we're eliminated from the playoffs, so- Yeah, and he...
[00:03:42] Chasta: I think that's your genetics ... I think it affected his every day- And that's your genetics ... and then it affected my every
[00:03:46] John: day 'cause I'm trying to put, coach the poor kid off a cliff, you know?
So.
[00:03:50] Chasta: But he might have learned that from you.
[00:03:52] John: Oh, he certainly didn't learn it from you, so yeah- He might ... I guess so.
[00:03:56] Chasta: But what I am wondering is did you... Is there a moment, like, in our journey when you hear, "Cue the conflict"? And I know maybe- One moment,
[00:04:04] John: yeah. Let's pick one. No. One to start maybe. I'm gonna be honest.
Like, I came in here- Okay ... ready with one that I know you're gonna remember. And our background in musical theater- Yes ... one such show being the infamous infamous Ghost production. Ghost: The Musical. Ghost: The Musical.
[00:04:22] Chasta: I was the director and choreographer. You were the
[00:04:24] John: director and choreographer. I was Sam Wheat, Patrick Swayze
just for those of you who didn't know, yeah, that's the Patrick Swayze character. Was a lot younger, a lot better looking back then, but the point of the story is- You were Patrick Swayze.
[00:04:36] Chasta: Rest in peace, Patrick Swayze. Yeah. You're talking about yourself.
[00:04:39] John: I'm just saying my past self was- Oh, okay ... yeah. Patrick Swayze was always better looking than me.
No. You, you're right about that. I, I don't, I
[00:04:45] Chasta: disagree.
[00:04:46] John: Um, anyway, it was a... Despite all the conflict- Yeah ... that happened in producing that show and, and bringing it to life- Well, I mean,
[00:04:55] Chasta: the fact that we were producing the show in a 99-seat black box was-
[00:04:59] John: Yeah. Well, I mean- It
[00:05:00] Chasta: was, um... You know, when we talked about heck no to the status quo- Yeah.
like, this, this... We bit off a lot.
[00:05:07] John: Oh, we did. But this particular moment stemmed from a director decision that, that-
[00:05:14] Chasta: Yeah, a directorial decision that I made ... a
[00:05:15] John: creative decision- Yeah ... that you made to... If you, if anybody out there has seen the movie, you know it- Spoiler alert ... yeah, spoiler alert. Turn it off now if you haven't seen Ghost, 1990, starring Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze.
Um, you're left with Patrick Swayze's character- Yeah ... who has... Once again, we already said spoiler, but he's dead. He is a ghost. He was murdered. He was murdered.
[00:05:37] Chasta: Yep.
[00:05:37] John: And he is leaving the earthly- The Earth realm, yeah ... realm to pass on. And it's sad, and Unchained Melody is playing, and he tells her-
[00:05:49] Chasta: It's, it's tragic
the l- um, it's
[00:05:50] John: amazing, Molly ... the love inside never leaves you. The love, yeah. Yeah. And so- And you played
[00:05:54] Chasta: the character. You should be saying it, not me. Oh, right. Yes. I- But I did direct you.
[00:05:57] John: Okay. Anyway Many, many, just about all Broadway shows any type of level of theater, at the very end there is what's called a curtain call- Mm-hmm
where everybody comes out, they take their bows, the audience gets to cheer. And your decision, which I th- I thought was really lovely, is, is... And I was going to be one of the most important person to take the bow, right? You would've been the last- And I was like, yeah ... you would've been the last bow. But I supported your decision- Yes
to just leave the audience with that beautiful moment. The moment. Yeah. Yeah. The beautiful moment of looking into the afterlife and-
[00:06:26] Chasta: Reverent. It was, like, very... It felt very reverent. Right. Like, I, I... My intention as a director was that I wanted them to sit in their thoughts- Yeah ... which maybe felt uncomfortable.
[00:06:35] John: I'm su- Clearly it did for, um, potentially this one person- ... who... This was the closing show, right? It was the very last show we did?
[00:06:43] Chasta: I can't remember. I- I think it
[00:06:44] John: might've been.
[00:06:45] Chasta: Okay.
[00:06:45] John: And what happened, Chasta?
[00:06:48] Chasta: It wa- I don't think it was the closing show, 'cause I think I was at recital at the closing show. Oh. I think it was earlier in the- Okay
in the run. Um, well, she was enraged. And did she come to me first? Oh,
[00:06:59] John: she came right up to- Okay ... well, she clearly asked around to find out who the director was and ...
[00:07:04] Chasta: That's right. I'm, I'm with you now. Yeah. So much conflicts has happened since 2017, it took me a minute to place the time and the energy. But she came at me, and she was really upset.
How dare I not have a curtain call? How dare I not give her the opportunity to thank the performers? And so then that's when I was trying to, like, gather- Yeah ... the performers, including you. Yeah.
[00:07:24] John: Like, "Here, come t- ... come talk to them, and- Yeah, "Come, come-" ... you can quite literally interact with them if you'd like.
[00:07:29] Chasta: Yeah. And, and she felt that what I had done ruined her theater experience.
[00:07:34] John: Right. Even though sh- Yeah I've thought about
[00:07:37] Chasta: that a lot over the years, because that wasn't the intention whatsoever. But wherever she was at that day, she was not willing to meet this, like, artistic vision. Yeah. You know? Like, she just...
Like, she wasn't interested in it. She was- And she
[00:07:49] John: clearly thought I did such a great job that she just wanted to stand up there and applaud- Yes ... and scream and-
[00:07:55] Chasta: Yeah.
[00:07:56] John: Yeah.
[00:07:56] Chasta: And it, it's, it goes back to that trophies conversation really, of like how are we conditioned as a society.
[00:08:02] John: Yeah.
[00:08:03] Chasta: Like, why, why as... And you know, this...
I don't wanna get hung up on curtain calls, like should we or shouldn't we, but, like, can we not- Talk to the show.
[00:08:11] John: Give us a- ... couple messages. Curtain calls, yes or no?
[00:08:14] Chasta: But can we not enjoy theater without that? the... I've been on the creative side for a long time.
It's been a long time since I've been on the performer side. Um, the creatives don't come out for bows.
[00:08:26] John: No, and that's a good point, because- And the creatives put a ton of work in ... let me tell you, they do just as much, if not more, work on putting a show together. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:08:34] Chasta: And your pit- You know, they might wave their arm up They do their,
[00:08:37] John: like, salute, right?
Yeah. But it's like those people deserve to be- Yeah ... fully on stage and celebrated. Or your costume-
[00:08:42] Chasta: Yeah, yeah ... designers, your lighting directors, your set builders, your paint, set painters. I mean- This is
[00:08:46] John: why it's so hard to win an argument against Chasta It- You hear these things she's bringing up? It- She's making really good points
[00:08:51] Chasta: it takes so many people to make something come to life, and the message that we all, as a team, creative and cast, wanted to drive home was this powerful moment of sitting and resting in grief. Remember we talked- Yeah ... to, like, hospice a lot. Um- We
[00:09:06] John: did ...
[00:09:07] Chasta: like, we really tried to learn and understand this process, and we wanted to gift the audience that.
Yeah. But this person didn't wanna receive it.
[00:09:14] John: They did not want it.
[00:09:15] Chasta: They didn't want the gift. But they thought we did a good
[00:09:16] John: job, 'cause they wanted to- Yeah ... share and said thank you.
[00:09:18] Chasta: But she also wanted to, like, throw the gift in the- Take your head off ... yeah. She was,
[00:09:22] John: like, coming in
[00:09:22] Chasta: hot. Exactly. So yeah, I think that was...
Like, you weren't used to kind of- Yeah ... that level of, of discourse.
[00:09:30] John: Yeah. And I think that brings me to another thing I wasn't used to, and this is, I think this is fun because it's a totally different direction. In one of the first longer distance trips you and I took with one another, there was conflict, not between us, but between the two of us and where we were staying.
[00:09:50] Chasta: Where we were staying. In
[00:09:51] John: Cancun. Oh. Mexico. Si. We had arrived at our destination, and the arrangements were not quite what Chasta- Well- ... lifetime Marriott titanium member, by the way, may have expected.
[00:10:06] Chasta: Yeah.
[00:10:07] John: No. And you used a little different conflict strategy, I think- ... that was just as effective. Or was it?
Maybe it wasn't effective, 'cause I don't think we got- It wasn't. I
[00:10:15] Chasta: don't think we got what we wanted, but that's okay. But you've already said on an episode that I'm okay with crying, and I am. Yes. I don't weaponize it. It really is just, like, sometimes my emotions take over.
[00:10:26] John: They just get going.
[00:10:27] Chasta: Yeah, and I, I was feeling frustrated.
And I mean, you're right. This was, this was, like, a new trip, a new place, a new space. I had a vision-
[00:10:36] John: Yeah ...
[00:10:36] Chasta: of what we were coming... And I, and it was fine. It, it wasn't like we walked into- And there were- ... Schitt's Creek, you know? There
[00:10:45] John: was no electricity. Like,
[00:10:47] Chasta: like, it was a fine experience.
[00:10:48] John: No. I mean, it was a good hotel.
But yeah. But it,
[00:10:51] Chasta: but I just, I felt like we had been misguided, if you will. Ah,
[00:10:54] John: yes.
[00:10:55] Chasta: And I was expressing that to them. They didn't care, but I, I was more at peace the rest of the stay after having that conversation with them, right?
[00:11:06] John: Despite not having- Despite not- ... really gained anything ... yeah, I didn't really gain
[00:11:09] Chasta: anything.
And that goes back to, like, the advocacy of- Right ... no, this, this was something that was not okay.
[00:11:17] John: Yeah.
[00:11:18] Chasta: So, like, we need to find a way to come into agreement to make it right.
[00:11:23] John: ... Why, not just John, but a lot of people in society, why are we conflict averse? Yeah. Why do we not- I
[00:11:31] Chasta: am, too. I, I don't, I'm not, it can make a- Even though you're a conflict
[00:11:36] John: magnet, you're also conflict averse?
[00:11:39] Chasta: I am so conflict averse. I remember the therapist had to tell me that, um, avoidance is simply rescheduling conflict.
[00:11:47] John: I do remember that. 'Cause
[00:11:48] Chasta: I r- I would just rather not. Like, I don't want it. But it shows- It wants you. It craves me. Yeah. It is addicted to me. It's trapped, speaking of other episodes. Yeah.
Like, I need conflict to not be trapped with me. So yeah, so to that point, I don't look for it. It finds me.
[00:12:08] John: Yeah. There's like that, it follows me, or s- sound like a horror movie over here. But get us away from the horror. Lead us into the light. The d- tell us how- Yeah ... even if we are averse to it, even if we don't like it- Mm-hmm
it's, there are things worth fighting for. Oh, yeah. It's not always the extra scoop of chicken on your Chipotle bowl, but there are other things.
[00:12:28] Chasta: Well, and, I mean, for you, it is also the guacamole or the avocado spread on sandwiches. Look, if you're
[00:12:34] John: gonna come between me and my food- I'm not saying that it's, I'm not-
I'm gonna, there will be conflict.
[00:12:37] Chasta: So that is your priority.
[00:12:38] John: I guess it is. Yeah. Maybe. Like, that is
[00:12:40] Chasta: something that you're like, "If I'm investing in this- I'm
[00:12:43] John: investing $11
[00:12:44] Chasta: into- ... in
[00:12:45] John: this
[00:12:45] Chasta: experience of your food preparation for me, there is going to be a standard." For me, when I'm staying at a place-
[00:12:52] John: Yeah ...
[00:12:53] Chasta: there is a standard.
[00:12:54] John: Yeah. So you handle where we stay, and I'll handle where we eat, and- Yeah ... boom, we got this. Yes. Conflict, be gone.
[00:13:02] Chasta: So then there's just, like, other people, right? Yeah. Like the curtain call.
[00:13:05] John: Yeah.
[00:13:06] Chasta: And I ran into a few the other day in a parking lot. So you were having a really lovely lunch on the patio.
[00:13:13] John: We were waiting for you.
We were hoping you were coming. With our son. Yeah. I w- and I
[00:13:15] Chasta: was. I was running behind because conflict had met me for the day. Yeah. And I'm coming in, and I park where I've parked for 20 years to go to this place. The Briar
[00:13:24] John: Creek, so our North Carolina Raleigh residence, the Briar Creek, those four-way stops in the Briar Creek.
Ugh. Um, is it the Commons, or is it- The,
[00:13:31] Chasta: it's,
[00:13:31] John: um- Yeah, Briar Creek Commons, I think. I think it is the Commons, yeah. So if you know what we're talking about, all those little four-way stops- If you kn- if you know, you know ... you know. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen it on a lot of Raleigh memes, so.
[00:13:40] Chasta: So I park where I always park.
Which you, there is like the parallel parking- Yep ... in some of the areas. At one of the four-way stops. Some of the strips. Mm-hmm. Yes. So I'm rushing to try to get to lunch. I'd put my order in online so that I could just get there, get the lunch, sit down, and eat. And then this car rolls their window down and starts yelling obscenities at me.
Yeah. "You can't park there. Who do you think you are, you dumb B." Yeah. Like, all this crazy stuff. And then the lady behind him rolls her window down.
[00:14:11] John: She had to get in there too, you know? And to the
[00:14:13] Chasta: point you thought they were sparring with each other. I, so, like, I
[00:14:16] John: could barely hear it, I guess 'cause we were around the corner.
And I thought, just because I see it so often, that it was two drivers at the four ways that were like, "No, it's my
[00:14:24] Chasta: turn. I need to go." "No, you-"
[00:14:26] John: But they were yelling at you, and I- Yeah. Yeah. They were
[00:14:29] Chasta: yelling. They were verbally assaulting-
[00:14:31] John: Right ...
[00:14:31] Chasta: arguably.
[00:14:33] John: It seems like- So anyway,
[00:14:34] Chasta: I go into Jason's, and what am I doing?
I'm crying.
[00:14:36] John: Yeah. '
[00:14:37] Chasta: Cause I can't... I mean, I held the emotion in towards them, where I said, "I've lived here two decades. You can park here."
[00:14:43] John: Yeah.
[00:14:44] Chasta: But then I go into Jason's, which is a place we frequent. They know us. We know them. And I'm tearful.
[00:14:51] John: Yeah. '
[00:14:53] Chasta: Cause it was just so, it was so unnecessary. Like, if they really, if their, if their mission was educating me on parking protocol in this area, you would roll your window down.
"Ma'am, did you realize cars don't always park in this area?" But they do, so that would already be a falsity.
[00:15:14] John: Right.
[00:15:14] Chasta: But instead it's like they're raging.
[00:15:17] John: Yeah. So I mean, obviously road rage has been an issue for a long, long time. It's not just now that we're living in this crazy world with cell phones and, and social media and all that, but- And, I mean, sometimes
[00:15:28] Chasta: you do, you take it on as well.
Oh, I get it.
[00:15:31] John: I get it. And so, I mean, why do we think- But you don't roll, you
[00:15:33] Chasta: don't roll your window down.
[00:15:34] John: No, no, I don't.
[00:15:36] Chasta: And that's why I say stop, because we don't need to hear that in the car.
[00:15:39] John: That's right. And you never know, like, what the other person's situation is- Yeah ... or what they may be carrying on board with them.
[00:15:46] Chasta: But it's just like, it's not, this isn't resolvable conf- Like, is this... Like, what change is that conversation making, is what I'm curious about.
[00:15:55] John: None. Right. Really. Yeah. And, but what, what is that feeling that clearly, I guess you don't get it- ... but so many of us get when we're behind the wheel? I don't
[00:16:03] Chasta: get it because I'm trying to get away from conflict.
Like, I just wanna drive in peace.
[00:16:07] John: Yeah. But it's clearly, you know, and me seeing n- news stories about it all the time- Oh, yeah ... it's worse than it's ever been. Mm-hmm. And I fully believe that it's because we are all just inundated. On the edge of agitation. We're, we're at, we're on the edge, and there's such an information overload- Overload
between what we're seeing on our phones, what we're constantly bombarded with from every direction.
[00:16:29] Chasta: Breaking news that's actually not breaking news. Yes.
[00:16:32] John: I mean, what, we're sitting at- Not at work. We don't call it that. That's not what Chastity calls it. Yeah. We're sitting at- The studio ... Change the World area yesterday.
The studio. The studio. And all of a sudden it pops up that someone spilled 1.1- Oh, yeah ... million gallons of waste- Of sewage, yeah ... sewage in our backyard by the airport.
[00:16:48] Chasta: Like, what- Like last week ... what is going on? They, like, it was like a delayed story release. And yeah, it
[00:16:52] John: wasn't even gonna be released- Yeah
until the downtown Raleigh people, shout out to y'all, thank you, brought it to light. Yeah. And so then the news station started covering it. Mm-hmm. And like, yeah, you hear that, and you go driving down the road to Goodberry's, and somebody cuts you off.
[00:17:05] Chasta: Aaah. And I think there are so many people, places, companies that are counting on people being so checked out or so at their bandwidth that we're seeing these, like, sneaky cost increases too, which we also experienced yesterday.
But to that point, they're just, they're like, "People can't cope. They're not looking. They're not listening. They're buried in their own conflict, that we're gonna raise this price almost 100%, and they're not gonna notice."
[00:18:02] John: Isn't it so funny that they are doing everything they can to avoid conflict- Yep ... by trying to make it- Yep
unnoticeable, right? Unnoticeable. They're sending it at strange hours of the day. Yep. This happened with YouTube TV as well- Mm-hmm ... when, um, they had a Disney dispute. They were sending information at very strange times of the day. They offered a credit to YouTube TV, um, subscribers- Yeah ... that you actually had to go in, sign in, and claim.
Like, they wouldn't just put it on your bill.
[00:18:28] Chasta: The customer serf- service is, like, gone.
[00:18:32] John: Yeah. It's like- Like, there's a whole bot ... oh, what AI chatbot am I gonna talk to today? Yeah. But there's
[00:18:35] Chasta: nobody to talk to. There's nobody to- There's, a lot of places don't have- ... have a dialogue ... phone
[00:18:39] John: numbers anymore. I
[00:18:40] Chasta: know.
Yeah. You
[00:18:41] John: can only use a contact form.
[00:18:43] Chasta: Or the phone number's been disconnected.
[00:18:44] John: Yep. The email is- I, I also experienced yesterday- ... no longer monitored ...
[00:18:47] Chasta: yeah, or the email's gone. It is, it is fascinating to me how... And typically it's, it's bigger companies, right? Oh, yeah. Um, that have the power and the profits.
[00:18:58] John: Potentially private equity-backed.
[00:19:01] Chasta: Potentially some. Some may not be, some may be. Yeah. But they're, they're squeezing the consumer- Yeah ... the client. And I just, I encourage everybody, I feel like we have dealt with so many of those situations in the past couple months, to really be looking at those line items.
And if it's not right, jump ship. Like, don't stay somewhere just 'cause it's comfortable if it feels unethical. Would you agree?
[00:19:26] John: Hit them with that conflict.
[00:19:28] Chasta: Yeah. Or just- Become
[00:19:29] John: their conflict.
[00:19:30] Chasta: Yeah. If you can find someone. Fight for yourself. If you can find, yeah. If you can find
[00:19:33] John: anyone to
[00:19:33] Chasta: talk to. I mean, you can't even find- The person to engage with
[00:19:39] John: Yeah
[00:19:40] Chasta: I also, like, I think this is something we've talked about a lot, is that maybe you and your conflict adverse, is that it, right?
Adverse conflict, averse- Averse, yeah ... averse, conflict averse approach is, like, you didn't really in your, growing up, like, there just wasn't a lot of conflict. Would you say that's true? Or-
[00:19:59] John: Certainly not a lot of direct conflict, but- Or
[00:20:02] Chasta: debating?
[00:20:04] John: Yeah Or- I mean, you're talking about, like, in my household, it was, like, my way or the highway, right?
Yeah For me or my parents. And, um,
[00:20:15] Chasta: I mean, it was also that way- If I chose the highway, I was in trouble ... where I grew up. But I, like, my aunt, you know, was very similar. Like, very s- very structured- Oh, believe me, I know. I know your aunt ... you know, very, like- Yeah ... lot of boundaries. Yeah But we did also have a lot of lively discourse- Oh, you still do
and still do.
[00:20:29] John: Yeah. Yes. Y'all- But, no, I- ... Chasla and her aunt will get into the craziest arguments- But- ... over the absolute, like, most unimportant things you could possibly... I wish I could think of- Yeah ... an example right now. But- But it'll just end in blows, and it's like, you guys are talking about, like, drinking water?
Or- Yeah ... like, it's just like-
[00:20:50] Chasta: It's very, it's usually obscure Like, how
[00:20:52] John: did you even start talk- you're talking about Prince Harry's vacation home. Like, what is going on here? I know, and
[00:20:57] Chasta: it goes off in a million ways. But I'm really, as I've gotten older, I'm so grateful for that because I do think it has helped me analytically deduct some of these harder conversations that I have to have.
[00:21:08] John: Yeah
[00:21:09] Chasta: Because, you know, she doesn't just, like, let me win.
[00:21:12] John: No.
[00:21:13] Chasta: Even if she's wrong. But if she's, if she's- I gotta be careful here. If she's wrong or I'm right, the other side is still searching for like, you know, it's like debate club- Yeah ... in the family.
[00:21:25] John: Yeah. East Tennessee Debate Club going on in the family.
And I think that's been,
[00:21:29] Chasta: and I think that's been healthy, and I want to encourage that in our child, too.
[00:21:33] John: You have already, believe me. I argue, what did I argue with him on the way to school today? It was something, and he had convinced me- ... that I was wrong, and it was, like, a actual, it's not like a, a objective thing.
It was just, like, a right or wrong, and it was, I was right but couldn't convince him of that.
[00:21:53] Chasta: Yeah.
[00:21:53] John: So.
[00:21:54] Chasta: But it's, there's a, there's- If you look
[00:21:56] John: at, you know, the way a country is run now, I mean, maybe we're teaching the right thing. Just argue no matter what.
[00:22:00] Chasta: Yeah. Well, I don't know. I, but I do think having multiple perspectives- And angles Many sides.
Is perspe... And, and you know, I remember one time early career, this is when we were in our competition days, so you weren't around. And we were in New Orleans for nationals, and we had taken a contestant as an open contestant because the rules allowed it.
[00:22:23] John: So they weren't affiliated with- So they
[00:22:25] Chasta: didn't have the title that year.
It was their title off year.
[00:22:27] John: Okay.
[00:22:28] Chasta: But you could still enter as an open.
[00:22:31] John: Okay.
[00:22:31] Chasta: So even in this off year, this student wanted to compete. So the rules said, as the rules were laid out, yes, this, this was okay. So we get there, and a lot of people are not okay.
[00:22:44] John: Mm-mm.
[00:22:44] Chasta: Because it apparently was traditional that if there was, like, a- Unwritten rules
unwritten rules- Mm ... of like a held title, that you didn't enter the contest as an open to be representing, like, two against each other from the same chapter. But that wasn't written. What was written was open contestants could go. Okay. So the chapter president at the time pulled me aside, and this is, this is kind of when I really was, like, starting to become immersed in conflict in this, like, competition thing.
And she said, "You know, you've broken a rule," or, "You haven't broken a rule, but you've upset a lot of people."
[00:23:22] John: You've turned the table.
[00:23:24] Chasta: And I said, "Well, I was just following the protocol of what was written in the best interest of my client and their goals," like what they wanted to achieve. Because that is who I...
That's my duty, is to fight for the client, like, at the end of the day, like, when we're looking for vendors, for who to be in alignment with. Like, we want to say, "What, what will best serve this family?" And at the time, that was a goal they had. It was something we were doing, so it felt like the right fit. So I didn't feel like I needed to apologize, and that's what I said.
[00:23:52] John: Did they get to dance?
[00:23:53] Chasta: Oh, yeah.
[00:23:54] John: Yeah. And
[00:23:54] Chasta: he won. Okay. Not, not that it's about that, right? But- Oh, it's not about that ... but he was prepared Nice. Good job He, he worked for it. Like, this was a goal that he wanted to achieve, and he did.
[00:24:03] John: And there was no written-
[00:24:04] Chasta: And there was no written- ... legal- There was... Yeah
jargon
[00:24:07] John: and dance committee. Yeah, 'cause
[00:24:09] Chasta: it's all woo, woo, woo. It's all made up anyway. Um, but you know, the takeaway was when we... I was having this conversation with the chapter president, who clearly was dragged into, to this, you know, situation because she was hearing conflict from other members and then brought me into the conversation, which I do have to say I always have a due respect and appreciation for people that are bringing multiple sides of conflict together.
A lot of times it's much easier to just distance from it or not have the harder conversations. Yeah. And one thing she said to me, it stuck with me, and she's out of the dance space now. Like, she does real estate and is very successful. But she said, "You know, I, I think it's really important that we see both sides."
I'm like, "Yeah, I can see both sides, and I'm glad you're seeing it too. But like, this side- I'm on this side ... this side is in writing- Yeah ... and is in alignment with the rules."
[00:24:58] John: Yeah So that story in particular takes me to another thing that I really wanted to talk about today, which is the great side of conflict, which is resolution.
Mm. Like, if you can reach that resolution- Yeah ... after conflict, it feels so much better than all the avoidance in your life. Yeah. Right? And it's hard to get there, and that's because it's worth it. Mm-hmm. I mean, even we d- already said, that Costco refrigerator, we, we got what we wanted and- Yeah ... like- We found it.
We found that position ... I was dancing around like the, um, what's his name, Barry Keoghan, at the end of Saltburn. Running on the beach. Yeah. Oh. I wasn't naked- Yeah ... but I mean, I was like dan- I was excited. I was like, "We got our money." Friday night,
[00:25:37] Chasta: 10:00 PM.
[00:25:38] John: Yeah.
[00:25:39] Chasta: Middle-aged. So whether it's- Do you think somebody'll stop calling it middle-aged?
[00:25:43] John: Whether it's monetary or, you know, in your personal relationships- Yeah ... anything, if-
[00:25:49] Chasta: Client advocacy. Like, I just, so many people just, like, don't wanna take that step forward because it's uncomfortable, or they feel like maybe the perception is, "Well, I'm gonna be seen as an irritant," or-
[00:26:01] John: Calling it back to another episode, the path of least resistance.
Yeah. Conflict is not that one, so. I
[00:26:06] Chasta: mean, we're going through it. We talked about this, you know, in a parenting episode about the schooling.
[00:26:11] John: Yeah.
[00:26:11] Chasta: Like, we are hitting a lot of walls, and it's incredibly frustrating, but I have decided, like, I'm never gonna feel guilty for advocating for my child.
[00:26:21] John: Yeah.
[00:26:22] Chasta: And I feel like there are so many systems that are like, "Just go with the flow."
Just do it. This
[00:26:26] John: is what everybody else is doing. Yeah. Just do it. Yeah. Like,
[00:26:28] Chasta: avoid the conflict. Right. Like, don't be that person. Don't make- Don't be that person. Don't
[00:26:32] John: be that person. Don't be this- Yeah ... conflict. Look what everybody else is doing. Mm-hmm. If you look at what everybody is doing right now, just in general-
[00:26:40] Chasta: Yeah, like the people-
it's not great ... yelling obscenities at me in the parking lot. Like, that's not the world I want to create, and that's not the world that I want our child... I th- I don't think that's the world most people want their children- Yeah ... to have.
[00:26:51] John: I love just envisioning your world, where- ... the people roll down, they probably have, like, a hand-crank window and say, "Oh, excuse me.
Are you actually allowed to park there? I'm coming by." And it's like, "Ah, yes, ma'am. You certainly are. Now please continue about your way." And, like- But can you imagine? ... rainbows are coming out of her exhaust pipe. It would just, it would... Yeah. I just-
[00:27:10] Chasta: It would feel so good, and we could do it. We all have- ... the power to say, yes, we can still have conflict, but we can do it in a very humane way.
Like, I'm gonna give an example, another example recently. You know, there was, with that whole private equity thing last year, that was conflict. Yeah. I wrote the blogs. They were received with a lot of different feelings, which is fine. People have a right to those feelings. Um, th- and I recently had someone reach out to me and say, you know, that, he l- he was like, "What's going on?
Because this person is saying that you don't like this, you don't like that." And I was like, "Well, actually, I just put out a couple of blog post." And they were like, "Well, that's truth." And I was like, "Yeah." And I was like, "I just really appreciate you calling versus just, like, saying you're not welcome here anymore."
[00:28:02] John: Hmm. You got kicked out of another circle.
[00:28:05] Chasta: Well, no, I didn't.
[00:28:06] John: Oh, you didn't?
[00:28:07] Chasta: I didn't get kicked out.
[00:28:08] John: No.
[00:28:08] Chasta: He was just curious.
[00:28:10] John: Just curious. I
[00:28:10] Chasta: think it was like a, "Should we kick her out?"
[00:28:14] John: Ah. That's not
[00:28:15] Chasta: how it was presented.
[00:28:16] John: But
[00:28:17] Chasta: he was information gathering.
[00:28:18] John: Yeah.
[00:28:19] Chasta: And I think that is an important part of conflict, is information gathering.
Right. Like, not being reactive.
[00:28:25] John: Oh, you mean- Right? ... like all the Facebook comments and social media comments that make up our world today? Yeah.
[00:28:31] Chasta: I thought you were gonna say that made up that situation. Once people figured out- But yes, that
[00:28:34] John: makes up the world today ... that they, you talk about weaponizing- Yeah
monetizing conflict- Conflict. Oh, yeah ... is, that's just what's happening in our world today.
[00:28:41] Chasta: The book The Chaos Machine is, it's like a- You talked about, yeah ... I know, and it's a very data-driven read. Like, it's not a page-turner. But what's so interesting is, you know, when they're talking about this idea of social media and what it can become, the way they tested conflict outside of, like, the US specifically, to see how they could create scenarios, engagement, um, divisiveness.
[00:29:05] John: Boy, have they succeeded.
[00:29:06] Chasta: They have really succeeded. So, and, and I think sometimes, you know, we talk about this a lot in our house, of like the conflict, the digital r- the digital reality is different from actual reality.
[00:29:19] John: Unfortunately, I don't think everyone knows that. I know. And I think people have lost touch with that.
But
[00:29:23] Chasta: I want them to know it.
[00:29:24] John: There's actually people working really, really hard to merge them into one-
[00:29:28] Chasta: I know ...
[00:29:29] John: which really sucks, quite frankly. Like, I don't wanna wear goggles
[00:29:31] Chasta: and go to dance class. Yeah, or
[00:29:33] John: have like AI implemented in, like, a chip in your brain.
[00:29:36] Chasta: Yeah. Like,
[00:29:37] John: there's people that, like, want that.
[00:29:39] Chasta: That, for me, feels... Like, I wanna have conversations with those people to say, "Why?" Yeah. Like, I want them to r- and besides monetary gain. Yeah. Like, I want, I wanna know, like, what is the driving force behind that, behind that pathway? And have you
[00:29:55] John: seen, like, literally any of the sci-fi movies from the '80s or even, like, '90s with The Matrix,
[00:30:02] Chasta: Yeah, or just how does that go against the data we know about mattering and human connection?
[00:30:06] John: Yeah.
[00:30:07] Chasta: So anyway, I would, I mean, I hope that we're able to have these, these counter conversations in future seasons. I would love for the conflict to, to join us.
[00:30:16] John: Maybe we could have an AI on. A bot. Yeah.
[00:30:20] Chasta: Wow,
[00:30:21] John: thank you so much for having me on today. I'm so just relieved that you would have me here today, and you are so strong- That would be something, right?
and resilient. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that. You were in conflict with, yeah.
[00:30:32] Chasta: So let's talk about just, like, when you do have conflict or disagreement. Like like us. Like, maybe people wanna know how to, like... And I don't, maybe I don't even- How to fight
[00:30:43] John: Chasta. No. All right. Well, listen to me. This is gonna take more than just one episode.
Y'all gotta sit down. There's gonna be a couple different volumes. This is gonna be... No, no
[00:30:52] Chasta: I think the n- so historically in my past, like, I've always, like, when conflict has erupted, I've been like a, let me remove myself, like extraction.
[00:31:02] John: Yeah. That's- It, it- What's so weird is that's the first thing that came to my head, is- Yeah
I would say the number one thing is be able to stay in the room. Yep.
[00:31:10] Chasta: But you have taught me to stay in the room.
[00:31:13] John: Yeah.
[00:31:14] Chasta: And I, I think it's actually made me, like, a better conflict assessor.
[00:31:19] John: Better fighter.
[00:31:20] Chasta: Yeah, I, that's a very strong word. I know it's a strong word. But like, but yes- Yeah ... in a way. Because it is, it is so easy to av- to avoid.
Extract- Yep ... avoid. Or even, like,
[00:31:31] John: that you're gonna say you're gonna come back to it later or something. Yeah, shut down. Even if you- yeah.
[00:31:34] Chasta: Um, it, but to that therapist's point, conflict doesn't really go away.
[00:31:39] John: No.
[00:31:39] Chasta: So if you don't hit it head on, you're just rescheduling it. And it's
[00:31:42] John: gonna get worse.
[00:31:44] Chasta: It's gonna get worse.
It's gonna fester. It's gonna grow, evolve, deepen. Yeah. So you're really good about being like, "You wanna fight? Let's fight." It's the... Oh, what a compliment.
[00:31:56] John: Thank you. But no, I mean, that's, I would say that's the number one thing, 'cause we had a disagreement yesterday. Yep. And-
[00:32:04] Chasta: We don't have them that often.
[00:32:06] John: Well, yeah, I mean, it's not that often, but if you don't have them, I, I think that's a problem too. I do, yeah. If you, yeah, if you don't have them at all. And you know, I wanted to keep having it, but not-
[00:32:18] Chasta: In a public sphere ... in a public space. Yeah. Yeah, so
[00:32:20] John: I said, "Hey, can you just, like..." And we continued. We talked it out, and I'm sure we'll have more, but- Yeah
I, I'm thankful that we're both, despite how angry that we might be or how passionate we might be on one side, that we can stay in that room or outside, wherever -
[00:32:36] Chasta: I think one thing that- ... and work it ... that maybe really could be frustrating for you is that in disagreements and arguments, conflict, I'm always looking for, like, the rationale.
Or, like, "Can you give me an example?"
[00:32:50] John: You're looking, you're, like- I want, like, I want tangible- ... asking debate club questions that not everyone grew up with that background. Yeah, no.
[00:32:57] Chasta: I want the supporting points. You
[00:32:59] John: need exhibits 1A, B, and- Yeah ... C. Right. That can be difficult.
[00:33:05] Chasta: You, I know you don't always like to to draw out the exhibits.
[00:33:11] John: Well, sometimes I can't pull them out of thin air when we're in the heat of the battle. You're right.
[00:33:17] Chasta: But I do think that's always good, of like, let's take this back to, like, the heart of what the... 'Cause sometimes it's easy to get into an argument, and it gets so far from, like, what it's actually about.
[00:33:26] John: I do try to rein it back in sometimes- Yeah ... when we've gone off onto-
[00:33:31] Chasta: Because yesterday's- ... very creative tangents ... yesterday's disagreement was actually not even really about us.
[00:33:36] John: No.
[00:33:36] Chasta: At all.
[00:33:37] John: No.
[00:33:38] Chasta: And sometimes it's just a reminder of like, "Wait, we're actually on the same team here."
[00:33:42] John: And that's just another thing I think that's important to remember about conflict, especially with people that you love, is, like I talked about earlier, with e- everything, we are just, bam, coming at you from social media, whatever, all the other issues in your life.
Like, when you are in conflict with someone, just really double-check. Like, "Am I angry at this person?"
[00:34:01] Chasta: Yeah. "
[00:34:01] John: Or am I angry at is, what either is happening to me or to us or to even someone else outside of the conflict?" The
[00:34:07] Chasta: system.
[00:34:08] John: Because- Yeah ... wow, there's a lot that can be affecting you- Mm-hmm ... on any given day.
[00:34:12] Chasta: Yeah. That is so important, and I think that's per- personal, that's professional, of just like, "Okay, what is this really about? What is the downstairs?" But also, be
[00:34:20] John: careful asking that question if you ask it to your wife- Yeah ... in the middle of the fight, because that doesn't go well. Don't do that.
[00:34:27] Chasta: I,
[00:34:27] John: I don't- Think of it internally.
Yeah. Like, "Hmm, what could be going on in there?" Do not ask her directly. No, but, but- Do not- You know, the f- ... ask her directly.
[00:34:34] Chasta: The funny thing is, are, are you referencing, like, yesterday? Because- Not
[00:34:38] John: yesterday. Okay, yeah. No, I learned. 'Cause you were
[00:34:40] Chasta: actually the, you were the more fired up one.
[00:34:44] John: Yeah, I was.
[00:34:45] Chasta: And I was the more rational.
And y- and
[00:34:46] John: you know why, because we had received a- You had a series. It was a series- ... um, email from the email marketing group- But- ... that was gonna try to raise our price by $40 a month. It was a
[00:34:54] Chasta: series of events. Which, in a
[00:34:55] John: sneaky email.
[00:34:56] Chasta: Yeah.
[00:34:57] John: With no price transparency, and said was each in would go to each individual account.
You don't even have it listed on your website. And that was a fact, but
[00:35:03] Chasta: sometimes with conflict, do you ever, like, do you ever feel like I'm asking you to just, like, wait and learn more?
[00:35:10] John: Wait and learn. Like, stay tuned next week. Like- What are you... Next time on Shasta. Like, sometimes I feel
[00:35:16] Chasta: like you've already, like, sealed the scenario without getting all- That's on you.
Huh? I
[00:35:21] John: think you seal the scenario. Any time I can unseal a scenario with you- Well, if I- ... I'm like, "Yo, John, nice one." You know?
[00:35:28] Chasta: I, if I seal the scenario, it's because it's rooted in, like, a rule or- If you
[00:35:32] John: seal the scenario, it's 'cause you think you're right. No. Cheryl, Cheryl, she, mm, mm.
[00:35:38] Chasta: No. But you know what I mean.
[00:35:41] John: I do know what you mean.
[00:35:42] Chasta: And sometimes you're like, "This is what has happened," and da, da, da, da, da.
[00:35:47] John: Yeah. Oh, I mean, I, yeah. Yeah. I'll present, like, the-
[00:35:50] Chasta: And I'm like, "We don't know that" ... trajectory. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, "We don't know."
[00:35:53] John: That is what you say, yeah. Like, let's
[00:35:54] Chasta: wait and find out. And now our son says that, too.
"You never know."
[00:35:58] John: He always says that now. "You ne-don't know. You ne-don't know." And it's true. It's like, actually, I do know- Because- ... that Quinn Hughes is eliminated from the playoffs. I'm sorry, Ash ...
[00:36:08] Chasta: you have to wait until you know to really start assessing.
[00:36:11] John: Yeah.
[00:36:13] Chasta: But I think there's a lot of conflict in the gray.
A lot of people can't hang in the gray.
[00:36:17] John: That is a really good point, because you, another thing you always tell me is to not create an inner conflict, inner conflict- Oh, yeah ... with myself over something that hasn't happened yet- Mm-hmm ... and isn't, like, a certainty, just, like, a scenario- Yeah ... that I have created.
And I know that, you know, lots of people, it's not just me, that do this- Oh, yeah ... will create these scenarios in their heads.
[00:36:38] Chasta: Catastrophizing.
[00:36:39] John: That is a misuse- Yeah ... of your energies to try to fight- Sometimes I do it, too. Yeah, to try to fight a conflict that doesn't necessarily exist.
[00:36:46] Chasta: Mm-hmm, and may never.
[00:36:47] John: It might. You can hope. You ne- don't know. Yeah. So, um-
[00:36:51] Chasta: We actually talked about that a little bit on the trapped episode, of that we can get trapped in our own thoughts and catastrop- you know, catastrophizing so much, and it's just such wasted energy.
[00:36:59] John: Yeah.
[00:37:00] Chasta: Especially when waking up on any given day, we never know what conflict is going to hit us.
Yeah,
[00:37:05] John: you certainly don't know.
[00:37:07] Chasta: Like, your dad is also a small business owner, and he says that running a small business is like drinking- Drinking out of a fire hydrant ... drinking out of a fire hydrant. Yeah. And it is. Like, some days that water, it hits fast and hard.
[00:37:19] John: Yeah.
[00:37:19] Chasta: So how, how can you- You gotta attach that hose to
[00:37:22] John: it and put it somewhere
[00:37:23] Chasta: yes, use that energy for the good.
[00:37:26] John: Yeah.
[00:37:26] Chasta: But don't avoid it. Don't ignore people.
[00:37:28] John: You gotta ke- as he would also say, shout out Chuck Milstep, you gotta keep hanging in there like a hair in a biscuit.
[00:37:33] Chasta: I was about to say, what is the hair in a biscuit one? It's,
[00:37:35] John: yeah.
[00:37:36] Chasta: It's so- Yeah ...
[00:37:36] John: so weird that you haven't remembered that one, but you know the fire hydrant
[00:37:39] Chasta: one.
I think it because I don't wanna think about eating hair in a biscuit.
[00:37:42] John: Makes sense.
[00:37:43] Chasta: But once it's in there, it is stuck. So I think this whole cue the conflict is we know conflict is going to happen. It is gonna happen with the people you love the most. It is gonna happen professionally. We can talk about group projects.
It's gonna happen in group projects. It's gonna happen, um, I mean, you can't avoid it's gonna happen in parking lots. It's gonna happen in checkout lines, in your food orders, your hotels. It's literally going to be everywhere. And what, like, what is your, like, yeah, this is what, this is what we're gonna do, and we're gonna be okay because this is how we're gonna get through conflict from the mediator lens.
[00:38:24] John: Well, it sounds like a cliche, but pick your battles. Mm-hmm. Right? So, you know- That's what you
[00:38:29] Chasta: told us to do in Italy when you were mitigating some conflict.
[00:38:34] John: That's true.
[00:38:35] Chasta: And it, it wasn't even really co- it was just, like, heated conversation- Yeah ... in a very hot day.
[00:38:40] John: Ooh, man, was it hot. Let me tell you what, Rome in July- And that's
[00:38:43] Chasta: what you, you were like, "It's really hot.
We don't really need to be doing this right
[00:38:47] John: now." I was just seeing all those sides of the, all those factors that I tend to factor in. So, you know, there are certain things, like your personal relationships, maybe your professional career, that hey, you gotta stand up for this. You gotta- Mm-hmm ... you gotta figure this out.
But maybe should I not have gone, like, into a back and forth with Jimmy John's about the tablespoon of avocado spread? Like, mm, you know, that's a gray area. Maybe I should have saved that energy to have a better fight with you later on. Um- Yeah ... picking battles and- Recognizing what you're going into without being afraid of it.
[00:39:27] Chasta: Sometimes I think that, like, having conflict can be very healing.
[00:39:31] John: That's what I'm talking about, that resolution. Yeah, yeah. There is nothing like that resolution. Yeah. That resolution is so great if you can reach it, but it takes work.
[00:39:38] Chasta: And it's, and you also have to find a peace with lack of resolution, too, because you can't- Can't get it every time
you can't always, whatever you're going up against, you're not always going to get the response from the other side- Yeah ... that you want. This woman has asked- And you have to have peace with that ... for world
[00:39:51] John: peace ever since I've known her, and she hasn't gotten that. So, you know, you can't always win. Still working.
Yeah. Working hard.
[00:39:57] Chasta: And- It's
[00:39:57] John: going great ...
[00:39:58] Chasta: you keep saying that it's a very lofty request.
[00:40:01] John: Just a little bit outside. Yep, yep. There's purses and there's, you know, jewelry and, trips, and then there's... Yeah, world peace is- Every
[00:40:10] Chasta: year at Christmas- ... way, way ... he says, "What do you want?" Yeah. And I say, "I want world peace."
[00:40:13] John: Yep.
[00:40:15] Chasta: And then I'll say, "Maybe just personal peace." Yeah.
[00:40:20] John: It's a little lower. A little bit. It's a little easier to come by.
[00:40:23] Chasta: But I think what we want people to know is to not be afraid of conflict, 'cause it's out there. It's, it will happen. Sometimes it happens 20 times a day.
[00:40:31] John: Be ready. Be ready. Keep your thoughts col- Stay, stay ready.
Yeah. Stay regulated. Stay
[00:40:35] Chasta: ready and regulated.
[00:40:36] John: That's another one- Yeah ... I just wanna leave people with. The more regulated you are, the better chance you're gonna have at winning.
[00:40:42] Chasta: It's also going to enrage the opponent more. It,
[00:40:44] John: yes.
[00:40:45] Chasta: Nothing drives someone crazier than you not meeting their negative energy.
[00:40:48] John: It's so true.
[00:40:50] Chasta: But, like, if you- 'Cause then they
[00:40:51] John: gotta handle it for both parties. Yep. They, they escalate it. So
[00:40:54] Chasta: if you can stay calm and collected and regulated, and just rooted in your values and truth, like, I think that's really helped me handle conflict, especially the last six years, is knowing, like, "Okay, well, this, this is w- this is what I can live with."
That goes a long way. So tell us about the conflict that you live, lived, and will live, or maybe are afraid to live. Conflict is something that we all have to handle. I talk about it a lot in my book, Handle the Horrible. Today, I really appreciate John being on here to give a little behind-the-scenes approach to queuing the conflict of our everyday life, just like I know you do every day.
So send us a message, subscribe, stay in touch. Hopefully keep listening. Nobody listens to Chasta, but we are glad you did today. Thank you for being here.