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For anyone who’s been in the opposite place of where they want to be 🩷
Real talk, raw truth and a little sparkle ✨ Kirby discuses sex, relationships, ditching alcohol and what it means to really be happy 🌸
Hey, it's Kirby Myers and you are
listening to Behind The Blonde.
So this is a podcast for anyone
who's ever been in the opposite
place of where they want to be.
Think it's pretty safe to say no matter
what side of the fence you're on, nobody's
in a place that they want to be right now.
The world is incredibly heavy
and incredibly overwhelming.
I had a completely different direction
of what I wanted to talk about today,
and somehow I just can't seem to do it.
I don't know how you are all
feeling right now, but I know
my heart feels extremely heavy.
With the gravity of everything
happening around us.
I've always been a
deeply empathetic person.
You may have gathered that
listening to all of my episodes.
I feel everything, and not only
do I feel everything about myself
personally and overthink all of my
own personal decisions and the gravity
of what I've done in my life, which
is what we're constantly working on
here in the podcast of giving ourself
grace and taking things day by day.
And choice by choice.
And I think that's more important now
than ever waking up every morning and just
looking at our day and how we can not only
get through it, but how we can show up
the best in it, not only for ourselves,
but for all of the people around us.
Because right now, with so many
devastating things happening, the
most powerful thing that we can
do is to be kind and spread love.
And if you're a mother.
It's to share that love with your
children and it's to teach your
children to love and to be loved and
to be kind and yeah, it sounds so
simple, but we all know that it is not
. If you're also carrying the weight of
the world while you're packing lunches
and trying to figure out who's got
what field trip or which kid needs
to be at the soccer field, and maybe
you're not a parent, maybe you don't
have children, but you certainly know
children in your life, so maybe there's
some kids that you feel like you're
a mentee to, whether it's your nieces
and your nephews or your friend's kids.
Just remember that we're living in a.
Social world, they're gonna hear things,
whether they hear them from us or not.
So I think the balance between preserving
their youth and preserving their
innocence, and by doing that, not talking
about it at all, versus having these
really, really delicate conversations
that nobody wants to be having with
their kids is a fucking balance that is.
Just beyond belief that we
have to do right now in this
world, but , we have to do it.
We have to somehow find the balance
and let them know that at the
end of the day, we are all equal.
And the thing that we should
judge each other on if we choose
to judge each other is by how.
People treat others and nothing else.
How are you showing up in the world?
And there's that difference.
I was actually going to talk about
friendship today and female friendship
and how tough that can be and, uh, you
know, effects of, of childhood trauma, if
you will, of being a, a girl growing up.
And, and the mean girls and the
PTSD that can be carried on to that.
Well, now I look at this with my
kids and I think about how, um, you
know, for a long time, especially in,
you know, some of our generation and
older generations, we were raised,
you have to give everybody a hug.
Well, no, you don't.
You have to be kind you don't
have to be friends with everybody.
I mean, we all know
that now at this point.
Right.
But you have to show compassion and love,
uh, but we're finding out really, really
quickly just how divided everybody is.
And I think that's one of the hardest
things about this moment that we
are living in and living through
is not only what is happening.
All around us, but about looking around
at our neighbors and colleagues and,
uh, acquaintances and people that we
had no idea, you know, are really on the
completely other side and are completely
unaligned with the way that we feel.
And that is such, such a
big pill to swallow and.
To know that our kids are going to school
and being surrounded by other children
that may be saying things that are
feeding them information that is not the
values and the way that we
want our children to be raised.
So again, the most important thing that
we can do right now is show up every day.
With love, with kindness and teach our
kids how to show up that same way, teach
our kids the importance of loving each
other and choosing their friends and
choosing their circles based on how
those humans interact in the world.
And nothing else, simply nothing else.
I personally have put myself out publicly
a lot over the course of the last year.
Social media and physical
presence out in my community here.
I've always felt a
strong moral obligation.
My inner compass has never allowed
me to not speak up, to not stand
up for what I believe is right.
I've been this way since I was a
little girl in the school yard.
Uh, going back to those friendships,
which we will talk about next week,
you know, I, I never cared if the
cool kids were going to be mad at
me for sticking up for the underdog.
It's just inside of me.
But I understand that it is not something
everybody can do because it is scary.
And it is vulnerable, and
especially if you have children,
you just want to be there for them.
All I wanna do most days,
if I'm being honest, is.
Crawl in a hole with my family and
just hug them and snuggle in bed.
My kids crawled in bed.
Yesterday morning, Britt and I had gone
up to the Hard Rock Casino to see a Chris
Stapleton concert, and it was amazing.
He was so, so, so good.
He was fantastic.
We were gonna spend the night.
Uh, he had to get back a little
earlier for work, so he ended up
driving back and we got in at like two
in the morning and I had a neighbor
staying over and watching the kids.
So when we woke up in the morning,
they were surprised to see me
there and they were so excited.
It was like the best thing ever.
They just jumped in the
bed and we were all boomer.
Our dog got in the bed just
snuggling and holding each other and.
Yeah.
That's what life is all about, right?
It's those moments.
It's those moments you
hold onto so tightly.
And I remember being at the
concert and just crying.
I mean, the music was so beautiful.
His voice was so beautiful and music
should evoke something emotionally right?
But I just remember sitting there feeling.
Overwhelmed with gratitude for being
able to experience this amazing
moment for being so blessed and lucky.
Really, because I was just lucky to
be born in the position that I'm in.
And thinking about all the
people that are not so lucky.
And my husband turned over
and he's like, are you okay?
Like, are you, why are you crying?
Are those good tears or bad tears?
And I said, they were both, you know,
and I just had had that moment and
that moment of almost feeling guilty.
Um, so, you know, I don't
know how we handle this.
I don't have the answers.
I don't have any of the answers.
I never come on here every week and
pretend that I have the answers.
That's one thing that I'll
never tell you, but I know that.
I have to keep showing up
every single day, and I have to
Keep choosing to show up in the
world with kindness and with love
because I know that we don't, we
don't overcome this with hate.
So I don't know how we overcome
this, but I know that continuing to
spread goodness into the world is the
absolute best thing that we can do.
going back to putting myself out there,
publicly right now, I have a lot of
people that reach out to me privately,
uh, in person, you know, thanking me
for putting myself out there, and I
don't need any gratitude for that.
It really is just.
Who I've always been compelled to be.
I don't know any other way.
I've never in my entire life.
Known how to be anything
other than exactly who I am.
Doesn't mean it doesn't come
with some big fear sometimes.
Uh, I just recently put myself out
there on Facebook again, and let me
tell you, I have never in my life in
40 years of my life until this last
year had any social media drama.
It's a weird thing.
It is a very weird thing, and I realize
that not everybody can or wants to
do that, and I fully respect that.
We all have different capacities,
different nervous systems,
different responsibilities,
I think the real work is.
Honoring what we can do without
shaming ourselves or others
for what they, or we can't.
So going back to raising kids in this
world, there's such a delicate balance
from protecting our children from
the weight of the world and helping
them understand the world exists.
Teaching them that people should
never be defined by labels,
backgrounds, or differences
only by how they treat others.
we can do that, that matters.
That ripples, that's not small work.
So whatever you can do, however you
can show up to make the difference
that you feel you need to make, even
if it's just by waking up and going
out into the world and being kind
and spreading love that matters.
We actually have a code word in our house.
I've talked about this
before with, uh, Brit.
We have a few things that
we will say to each other.
If one of us is starting to escalate.
We don't always do it.
We actually just got in
a fight the other day.
Um, and you know, it's
interesting, we got in this fight.
Because I was really not being speaking
of kind, I was not being that kind to him.
I've just been in this funk
with him lately, I've just been.
You know, going around and being great
and fine and smiling with everybody
else, but just being really snappy
and really short and he kept saying
to me, what is something else going
on and do I have to be worried?
You know, he was asking me like, do I
have to be worried in our relationship?
And I said, no, of course not.
Like, why are you, you know?
And I had to step back and I had to be
really objective for a minute and go, wow.
For him to ask me that question, he must
be feeling an energy that is so heavy that
I'm not realizing I'm projecting onto him.
And all of a sudden we were driving
up to the Casino Hard Rock Casino
the other night where the concert
was, and I said, baby, you know what?
You're right.
I, I didn't even realize this
something else is going on.
I am just completely, once again, in that
place where I was a couple of months ago,
where I was so heart heavy and feeling
so devastated and terrified, and all of
these overwhelming emotions that we're
all feeling right now with all of these.
Horrific things that are happening and.
I'm carrying it quietly and then
in turn you're receiving it.
And I'm, and I'm really sorry.
And it felt really good to say
that out loud and acknowledge that.
And, um, to go back to some of the
earlier episodes about quitting
smoking pot, you know, that's when I
was in a place where I was starting
to really doom scroll all of the time.
I had gotten kind of addicted
to coming home and, um.
Finding myself lost in the algorithms of,
and I've always been a factual person.
I like facts.
I think facts are great.
Um, so I always would fact
check everything I see.
But what I would see was really
getting me into a super bad place.
So.
I think I was using
marijuana at that point.
That's when it started to really
escalate for me to numb out, and I
realized that's what I was doing.
I was, I was getting high at night after
the kids went to bed, so I could try
to turn my brain off and try to numb
all of the things that were happening.
So it was interesting.
I have uh, girlfriend that
I love, Erin, my slow roll.
Girlfriend.
I love a good slow roll friendship.
You know, one that really takes time
to build because again, that friendship
conversation I wanted to have that we'll
talk about next week to really fully
open up your heart and trust somebody.
Um, so Erin and I have discussed
marijuana a lot and using it and
thinking that we're using it.
To chill out and relax and giving
ourselves permission to slow down.
But she's very similar to me.
She gets the anxiety that creeps in
and the self-doubt that creeps in.
So when I realized that I was trying to
numb out all this stuff with the world and
smoking every night, and I finally decided
to quit the week afterwards, I was crying.
Every day, so many emotions.
It was overwhelming because I realized
I had really suppressed a lot of it.
I'd really, you know, pushed it deep down.
So I was glad that I was able to
have that conversation with Britt
the other day about, yeah, wow.
Let me really think about this.
Let me really be honest with myself.
If something else, if my husband's
questioning, does he have to be worried
about our marriage, our relationship?
And I'm going, oh my God.
You never have to be
worried about that baby.
What are you talking about?
Wow.
I, I was carrying this
quietly again, so it's okay.
You know, find those people, find those
safe places, uh, whether it's your
partner or your best friend or your
parent, um, or whoever it is that you
can really talk to your therapist and
open it up if you're also feeling really,
really heavy and having a hard time just
getting through the day right now, but.
We've gotta wake up and not only
get through the day, but choose
to show up in a way that matters.
I found myself just wanting
to wear sweatpants every day.
I stopped wearing makeup
a couple weeks ago.
I've been having this really fun
later in life, hormonal acne.
I posted about it on one of my
Instagram stories, which by the way,
at behind the blonde KW is where
you can follow along on Instagram.
But I've been trying to clear up
my, my skin, and I know the stress
has not been helping it out.
But I actually put mascara on
this morning and curled my hair.
I was like, I just have to
make myself feel a little
alive, but I'm still in sweats.
And for somebody that is, you
know, loves fashion, loves getting
dressed up, I'm trying to remind
myself like, Hey, you can't just.
Slump into this hole.
You gotta, you gotta not only wake up
and make those choices to be kind and
show up, but put that dress on, put
the mascara on that makes you feel
good, and do those little things,
do the things that you can do, and
that looks different for all of us.
S.
Staying human in a heavy
world is a brave thing.
And just remember, and I struggle with
this, children don't need every detail.
L they need values.
And shielding children from fear is
different than shielding them from truth.
We don't have to give them the weight
of the world to give them compassion,
and we don't have to give the world
all of ourselves to just give.
Kindness in little ways every day.
I mean, in today's world, raising
kind children is revolutionary.
The way we raise them, those children
around us, even if they're not your
own, is going to shape the world
that we live in tomorrow and 10
years from now and 20 years from now.
Just remember teaching empathy
at home is one of the most
powerful forms of resistance.
So thank you for listening today, and
always, if you like this or this strikes
a chord, please share with a friend.
Don't forget to like and
subscribe on YouTube.
You can hit that little bell button so you
get the notifications for new episodes.
And if you're listening into
the podcast world, you can like
and rate, really appreciate it.
Uh, I question all of the time whether
I should keep going and I remember
that I have to keep showing up.
I have to keep choosing.
So I want you to keep showing up.
I want you to keep choosing.
And remember that some of the most
important work happens quietly
in carpools and bedtime, and
it means more than you know.
That's how change begins.
As always, thanks for joining me.
You're listening to Behind the Blonde.