Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Authentic gay conversations on personal development, life coaching, and mental health. Join Keegan Hirst (founder of The Unapologetic Man and Gay Man's Coaching) a former professional rugby player, for weekly real talk about gay lifestyle, coming out, relationships, business, and authentic living. Deep, honest conversations that help gay men build confidence, find community, and create vibrant, unapologetic lives.
00:00
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Akiki with Keegs, your weekly catch up with me. How are we doing as we head into the festive period? Yeah, we've got lots of thanksgivings coming up in the U.S. Canada, getting into holiday season. There's loads going on my end here. We've got the elevation event.
00:30
Coming up, we have got our massive action day coming up in Manchester where we're gonna be doing the Hall of Fame, where we're gonna be getting together, having a social, which I'm really looking forward to. We've got our staff event where we're reviewing the year and we're going through the things that we're gonna be bringing in next year to help our clients win. Next year, my goal is to make everybody feel happier, sexier, and richer. Well, be richer. Through being more confident and feeling great in their own skin and that's my big thing.
01:00
next year and that's something that we're going to be discussing. I've also I'm also at the very tail end of the kitchen uh renovations. My downstairs has been a mess that is not a euphemism uh for like two weeks now and I can't tell you how excited I am for some semblance of normality. uh I miss not microwaving food and so I'm really I'm really really excited by that but let me tell you like
01:29
It's this time of year like people are starting to get stressed like corporate jargon Q4 Q4 is busy man. We gotta get things done for Q4 We gotta get things wrapped up for Q4 don't know why I'm doing an American accent. Someone asked me why I was so good at doing Belfast accent the other day and the answer is because of practice there I got lots of friends who live in Belfast so I and we got two Belfast sinks there um so same with anything I like to think I'm quite good at accents but
01:59
I do struggle a little bit with South African. Brain bleed? Although Harry is South African, I could learn off him but yes, anyway, I digress. We are good. I am tired, hence being a little bit manic doing this. I've not been sleeping well. We've been in lot of stress. We've brought in a new coach at GMC, which I'm really excited about. We've got Matt, who's coming on board.
02:26
And we are looking to bring somebody else on board as well because GMC keeps growing and we want to make sure that we've got the best coaches. The coaches that we do hire, we've got a nice mix of coaches now. We've got some gay coaches, we've got straight coaches, we've got younger coaches, older coaches, and we can really help our clients with that vast pool of experience across.
02:55
Lots of walks of life, lots of perspective, lots of experiences, which is fantastic. And that's something that I'm really excited about. like I said, so we've hiring, sorting out multiple events. We've also organized the retreat for next year. We're gonna be announcing details for that soon, which I'm really excited about. That went down really well this year, as well as the Edinburgh event that's coming up and all the stuff that's coming up before the end of the year.
03:24
It's been quite stressful and I have, if I'm being honest with you, I've not been sleeping well. And I think, you know, when you are tired, when you are stressful, stressed even, not stressful, that can feed into our decision making. Yeah, when we're tired, emotions end up being high and we know when emotions are high, intelligence is low. And it's that time of year where there's loads of socials going on. And...
03:50
We talk about, you know, it's just one day, it's just one social, it's just one weekend, it's just, just, just, just. Whenever you use the word just, you're justifying something. So remember that. And I spoke about this on the Tough Love Tuesday this week, and I said that this time of year, everybody becomes a part-time philosopher, and they talk about, oh, it's just one day, and it's just one weekend, it's just a trip, but it's never just one, is it? And everyone says, you know, you...
04:17
You deserve it. You deserve a day off. You deserve a social. You deserve. You also deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin. You also deserve to build your confidence by keeping promises to yourself. So there's always two sides to that coin. But, you know, I think it's important to remember around this time of year, one day easily becomes two and three. And then it's the, it's Christmas. Fuck it. And we're down to, and suddenly it's 17 business days since you.
04:45
you know, last went to the gym or ate a vegetable, which I can vouch for at the minute, does not leave you feeling good. And the thing that gets me about this is we say this like it just magically happens to us. Like we know saying it at all. Like we just get dragged along. We abdicate that power to make those decisions. But the problem is not this time of year. It's not the socials, it's not the food, it's none of that. It's the story. It's the story that we tell ourselves.
05:13
Just one day, just one thing, just, just, just, just, just. That removes your power. It treats you like a passenger in your own life. Because you do have choice. You do have agency. You can enjoy this time of year and stay connected to your goals. You can celebrate the things that you want to celebrate without abandoning your future self, your future goals, the promises that you made to yourself. And I feel like at the minute, lots of conversations that I've been having with clients and people who are
05:43
wanting to join GMC have all been circling back to identity. The stories that we tell ourselves, how we see ourselves, how we show up. And all throughout November, our workshops have been on identity because there's so many aspects to it. We change and we still sometimes have a bit of an identity lag. Sometimes we just need the tools to action it because you build a new identity through your actions.
06:10
You become what you repeat, the stories that you tell yourself, the things that you repeat in your own head, you believe, uh and what you believe you become. And all that sounds really cliche and pithy, but it's true. And that's why we've been doing workshops on this all week, all month, myself and John and Padra and Chris, all with various different experiences around identity and the shift. But I know how important it is, because I've done it multiple times in my life. And I can...
06:39
I can show you pictures of times in my life where I have changed identity. You could talk about like, we can look at when I came out 10 years ago, right, there was a switch there. I was single, I was in the spotlight, I was now an out gay man. I certainly wasn't comfortable in my own skin, but there was a big change in how I saw myself and the story and there was a level of freedom to that.
07:08
And that went on for a couple of years. And then, you know, I still found myself not living up to what I believed I was capable of, whether that was rugby wise, whether that was physique wise, whether that was relationships wise, whether that was as a parent, whatever it was. so I, and I know the story that I was telling myself at the time was, you know, this is me, this is as good as it gets. And then I flicked that switch and I went.
07:35
No, like I can do better. I demanded more of myself. And I started repeating that, you know, I'm a person who does extras. I'm a person who puts the effort in. I'm a person that goes to therapy. I'm a person that, you know, wants to learn in their spare time. And it was literally an overnight thing. It was an overnight thing in that I started telling myself that story. Did I believe it initially? Absolutely not. Did I stick with it anyway? Yes, because it has to be a level of delusion before you actually start believing it. And then.
08:04
you know, setting up GMC, which wasn't GMC then, but, you know, oh, I've got a business. And it was like, it wasn't, it was like a hobby that I was getting paid for. And until I then started growing the business and growing the team, I didn't even see myself as a, it took me a while to see myself as a coach rather than a rugby player. And then it's taken me, you know, realistically, I'm not really a coach now, I'm a business owner. And...
08:31
again your identity changes because I have to deal with team, have to deal with events, have to deal with marketing, I have to do all this stuff that and honestly if you'd have told me this is what you have to do when you run a business I would have been like no that's not for me but you know even seeing myself how I've like I remember the change from when I was a single became a single dad I remember having a conversation with my friend and breaking down in tears saying I don't know how to be a dad.
09:00
all I've ever done is provide for them. I've never been there emotionally or supportive of them. And rightly, he said, well, you're gonna have to fucking get a grip on it, aren't you? And you're gonna have to do it. And you're just gonna have to get your head around it. oh Maybe some people might think that was a bit harsh, but it was what I needed to hear at the time. And then again, I just started telling myself, I am a capable dad. I can do this. I do show up for my kids. And guess what? It became...
09:29
reality and it's it's there's all those instances in my life where it's not the plan it's not the motivation it is the story that is what gives you a real long-term change and if you tell yourself I am someone who starts and stops guess what you will be someone who starts and stops I'm someone who can't control myself around food guess what you won't be able to control yourself around food and don't get me wrong there are you know
09:59
things in and around this where someone might have an eating disorder, you can't just think yourself out of an eating disorder or things like that. Obviously there are caveats to this, but by and large for the vast majority of us, there's a hell of a lot to be said for changing the story that you tell yourself. So when you catch yourself saying, it's just one day, it's just one this, it's just that, ask yourself, is this the story of an old identity or is this a story of the new identity that I'm building? Because
10:28
There is no reason why you can't enjoy the holidays and show up for yourself and still feel proud of who you are and what you did in January. It's not about restriction, it's about decision. It's about choosing rather than drifting and getting dragged along. it's this time of year, I certainly get very reflective at this time of year, and you ask yourself, what version of me do I want to wake up as in January? The one who...
10:57
looked after myself, the one who backed myself, the one who kept the promises to myself, or the one who just like bailed on my own goals and ambitions and things like that. How many just ones am I gonna let stack up before I say enough, before I change the story? You do not need perfection over Christmas. You just need to be present. You need to be intentional. You need to be honest. You need to back the story and the identity of the person that you actually want to be.
11:25
Because you don't need to wait till January to be proud of yourself. You can give yourself that feeling today. And don't underestimate your ability to do that. Don't abdicate your own power by saying, oh, I can't do that, or I always do this at this time of year, or someone puts some nuts out and I can't stop myself from grabbing them. Again, not a euphemism. But think about how you speak to yourself.
11:52
You believe what you repeat and you become what you believe. And that is all on you. And yes, to repeat, there has to be an element of delusion. Do you think, I'm not delusional, that I can run multiple events while I've got renovations going on? I've got Joel's family coming up this weekend. I mean, maybe it's a failing and something that I probably need to look at in 2026 is probably saying no to more things.
12:22
But I tell myself that I can do shit, that I'm invincible and that I can get shit done. And most of the time, not always, but it comes good. It comes good because I back myself and I follow through. Not literally. So have a think about that over this weekend. Have a think about the stories that you're telling yourself. And if you do find yourself stuck, if you do find yourself repeating the same patterns, then you need to have a look into the identity stuff.
12:52
and there's so many resources on it at GMC. It's like a big foundational pillar of what we do. So take a look at that. Take a look at all the events that we've got coming up with elevation. Massive Action Day is now shut. You can't get in there if you're not already in, because we need to order workbooks and things like that. But the Edinburgh event in March, there's the GMC Games in March, there's the retreat that we're going to be doing next August. There's so many things coming up.
13:21
And I'm to be announcing everything at the Massive Action Day and we're going to be doing an online event, the virtual kickoff on the 3rd of January. And that is going to be open to everybody. So you'll be able to get on there and see what's coming up because we've got some big changes that are going to really help nail every single aspect of your personal development, not just the physical, but being able to track the mental, the emotional. And that's going to really help as well. I'm really excited to launch that. So I hope this has helped.
13:51
I'd love any kind of feedback you've got. I always enjoy it. Feedback is the breakfast of champions as they say. Other than that, look after yourself, stay safe, don't eat and drink and behave at the expense of how you want to look and feel and I will speak to you on here next week.