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Welcome to the Men of Faith podcast where we’re dedicated to calling men up, not out, to live a life dedicated to our God.
This is more than just a podcast, it’s a community and a brotherhood. In each episode, we'll explore topics that touch the core of our spiritual and daily lives—from the sacred bonds of marriage and the joys and trials of parenthood, to practical advice on health, fitness, and managing our finances wisely.
Our journey begins now and we want you with us, so please subscribe on your favorite listening platform.
Resources:
Learn more about Project Church: https://projectchurch.com/
Connect with Project Church on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/projectchurchsac
Caleb Cole [00:00:00]:
We are more stressed than we've ever been. We're more depressed than we've ever been. We're more anxiety ridden than we've ever been in America. And then as men, I think we feel an extra weight of providing for our families and being the strong leader we're meant to be. And yet we do very little for ourselves. You're listening to men of faith, the podcast dedicated to calling men up and not out. Join me as we live a life dedicated to our God. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the men of Faith podcast.
Caleb Cole [00:00:39]:
My name is Caleb and I'm your host. And I'm here with my co host, Brandon Miller. What is up, Brandon?
Brandon Miller [00:00:47]:
How you doing? Great to be here. Hello, men of faith.
Caleb Cole [00:00:50]:
Yes, men of faith. We are aiming in this podcast to help men become all that God created them to be as men of God and men of faith. And so we've dubbed you the mofs, who are our listeners, the men of faith. And we've been having a blast connecting with you, talking, Brandon, talking about these topics that I think are so relevant for men today. And I think now more than ever, as men, we know we need this. We need relevant topics. We need relevant, real conversation. I think every conversation has come back to, like, brotherhood, community.
Caleb Cole [00:01:26]:
But we're going to come at it with a little different topic today, I think.
Brandon Miller [00:01:31]:
Sounds good. Yeah. I feel like each week the call up is something we're hearing is really sparking. People are hearing that they're taking action. They're looking for ways to report out to one another. So shout out to all of you that are the hearing and picking up what's being put down and taking action, because we sure are as well, growing together.
Caleb Cole [00:01:53]:
Yeah. So exciting news. If you haven't heard, we're on YouTube now, so you can watch all of these as well as listen to them. I had a guy tell me just yesterday that he went back and binge watched every episode on YouTube in a row. So that's really cool. So if you go to project church Sacramento, search that on YouTube. You can go to the project church page. And then there is a tab for podcasts.
Caleb Cole [00:02:17]:
And we have our podcast on there, the men of faith. And also there's a sisterhood podcast. So men, let your wives, your girlfriends, your fiances, the sisters, ladies in your life know, too. There's a sisterhood podcast as well, but with those are right there so you can watch. And then of course, you can listen on itunes or Spotify. Be sure to subscribe. We've been increasing in subscribers. And if you do us a favor and go, like, leave us a review, hopefully five stars, and let us know just how it's been impacting you and how encouraging it's been to you, that's a great way to help us continue to grow and have greater connection with the men who I know need this.
Caleb Cole [00:02:53]:
I know how many men are thanking me because they've needed something like this. And so I'm just excited for us to continue to do this. Episodes come out every other Friday, and Brandon, we're on it, bro. We're making it happen. So.
Brandon Miller [00:03:05]:
That's right. And, you know, I think the consistency is key. Anytime you're serious about building on yourself, your faith, your growth, it's sticking with it steps at a time. And that's been the goal. And I'm glad that we're getting the feedback.
Caleb Cole [00:03:19]:
Yeah, so that's a great segue, actually, Brandon, talking about consistency, I think in my life I've realized just how important it is that I have healthy outlets and even consistent outlets, things that relieve the stress or anxiety or weight, and really just healthy patterns. I think you and I have talked about in here already, just the importance of discipline in our lives. And outlets, or self care, as some people call it, are things that we need consistently in our lives. So that's what we want to talk about today. We want to talk about the healthy outlets in our lives. I think there are so many men who are just grinding. They grind at work and they come home and they grind at home, and they do very little for themselves. They do very little to have something that pours back into them.
Caleb Cole [00:04:08]:
They're always pouring out. And I think a lot of guys probably listening right now can relate to this. If we're constantly pouring out, it's hard to stay healthy because a lot of us are operating from an empty cup. So to say our cup is empty, and then our family's getting the little leftovers and that eventually our job will get that right. If we're pouring out, pouring out, pouring out. Even at our job, where we're giving the most often, the well runs dry eventually, unless there's something pouring back into us. And so I want to talk about, Brandon, not just the spiritual dynamics of that. Cause I think we know there are spiritual things we need to pour back into us, but then also the idea of an outlet or us having things that we do, whether it be a hobby, whether it be exercise, fun, something else that essentially pours back into us and fills us up, and just the strength of that.
Caleb Cole [00:05:04]:
And I know that's something that I've implemented into my life. But talk to me about that for you, Brandon, I know that you've been, you know, on this planet a little longer than me. You're a grandfather now, been married for over two decades. And so for you, what have been some healthy outlets that you've seen have strengthened you so you have more to pour out on the people in your life that matter most.
Brandon Miller [00:05:26]:
Yeah. I think recognizing Caleb, that term healthy, was something that I've had to evaluate over the years because I have found plenty of unhealthy places to pour out that didn't produce in me righteousness, didn't produce in me the fruit of the Holy Spirit. I wasn't seeing joy and peace, patience. And so because when that process of really understanding that we're all unique, we all have different needs, we all have different realities of our life, so we're going to have our needs met in different ways. And so a starter for me was physical exertion. I knew that getting into my forties, and now late, late forties, I'm 49 years old. Getting to that point where a lack of physical exertion, I could feel. Feel in my spirit, man.
Brandon Miller [00:06:12]:
I could feel it in my work life, I could feel it in my family life. And that few years back became something I've always had always been a part of, but made it a consistent outlet and physical exertion. I been a member of a group called Front Row Dads, and one of the core tenets of this group was being great dads before we were great businessmen, great family men. And I appreciated one of their points, which was daily sweat, just really encouragement. Get out, move. Whether it's the gym, going for the walk, take a bike, walk the dog, whatever it is, get out and move. Because without that, you're not allowing yourself to cycle. You're not allowing your brain just to reset itself.
Brandon Miller [00:06:54]:
Let your body. So that. That is one that I would say has offered significant benefit in terms of a real tangible outlet. And I'm right on the edge. I'm almost there, Caleb, of having my wife at the gym with me. I'm nearly there where she's finding some joy in it. She's come once. It wasn't a train wreck.
Brandon Miller [00:07:14]:
I was very gentle, said, hey, look, I got to take minutes in between my sets. That means we could put the right weight on for you. You do whatever pace you want, and let's just, you know, enjoy that time. And so it was the first time I'd ever been kissed at the gym? Never had that happen. But I'm working toward, praise the Lord. I'm working toward. That is one. I will, I will offer a second one because it follows in that vein.
Brandon Miller [00:07:36]:
But it has more to do with the outlet I needed on the spiritual side, and that is that part of my routine is now I added sauna. And I'd been told for years how beneficial sauna was, whether it's red light or actual. But I've done a twofer on that. So I get into the sauna and I actually listen to my bible when I'm in there. And for whatever reason right now, that's clicking. Like, that is clicking because I actually feel like I'm at peace, I'm calming, but I'm also filling and feel like I could just set that on, listen, and I'm listening and drawing. And so that exercise sauna word trio there, that's one of the outlets that really have been consistent with. And it's having an impact.
Caleb Cole [00:08:20]:
No, I love it. I mean, we could call these things outlets, or we could call them inlets, right? I mean, what you're doing is having things poured into you. But the idea of an outlet is like, are we doing things that are releasing or relieving the stress, anxiety, weight that we have on us as men? And like you said, it's healthy outlets or inlets, whatever you want to call it, because ultimately, there's a lot of unhealthy things you can do. We know men that go to pornography as, like, an escape. Oh, I'm stressed. I'm overwhelmed. Let me go look at something on my phone, look at something on my computer. And that's an escape.
Caleb Cole [00:09:01]:
Well, it's taking our mind off of something, but it's actually a destructive habit that's going to have negative consequences in so many other areas of our life. We're not going to necessarily get into all that today. But that's the point of, like, we need healthy things, God honoring things that fill our cup up, because we can go to things like pornography. We could go to women outside of our marriage. Or if we're single, we go through women, because, again, it's an outlet to release. It's us getting our mind off of the stress of life, and yet it's something that leads us down a road of destruction. And so there's so many outlets. I even think about video games like that could be healthy in moderation, but we have a generation right now, oh, somebody's going to get convicted right now.
Caleb Cole [00:09:49]:
Listen to this. We have a generation that is addicted to video games, and it's all they do. And their wives just see the back of their head in a headset anytime they're home and they're, you know, on this joystick and they're talking to their friends, but they're not engaged with their children, they're not engaged with their spouse. And so, I mean, I have friends in my life that I've had to call out, like, man, you are on these games. That's a healthy outlet in moderation. But when it's all you do and it's consuming all your time, it's become an unhealthy idol and an addiction that you need to break off of your life. And so I think you and I both know there's a lot of unhealthy outlets, and things can become unhealthy that are healthy. It's about moderation.
Caleb Cole [00:10:34]:
It's about honoring God. And so I've been someone who's always, like, exercise since I was, you know, graduated from college. I just made it a regular part of my rhythm that I'm playing basketball every week in the gym three, four days a week, lifting. And what's cool is now me and my wife go a lot together. And like you, Brandon, you said you're trying to get your wife in there. But Chrissy and I, the last couple of years, have started to go more often together. At least a couple days a week, we go together, and it's just, like, such a fun way to connect. We're doing an activity together which we know scientifically.
Caleb Cole [00:11:07]:
They say men better connect around shared activities. And so this is a way for us to connect as husband and wife in a way that's easier for me. We're not always as good at sharing our feelings and emotions, and this is a whole other topic, but, you know, a shared activity. I can do that with my wife, and I feel more connected to her when I do. Now, obviously, that doesn't work for everyone, especially given your stage of life and the age of your kids. My kids are getting older now. We can leave them and go to the gym together, you know, but it's something that has always been a healthy outlet for me because I need that physical exertion. I feel, yeah, more energy.
Caleb Cole [00:11:40]:
I feel less stressed. And for me, it's 45 minutes to an hour out of my day that I have committed to myself and to God. That has made me a better father, husband, pastor, leader. And not only that, but I'm positioning myself to last a lot longer in ministry, physical health. I believe I'm going to live longer, which just think, man, if I die at 70 is a lot different than if I die at 90. And think about 20 extra years of life, which eating the right way and exercising could give you and how much more impact I could have. Because I'm believing even my old age, even if I'm retired, I'm still going to be investing in people and pouring in and connecting with family. And like the greater legacy I can have now, obviously there's some things outside of our control, but as much as I can control, I'm trying to set myself up with healthy outlets now, but that have long term impacts for the future.
Caleb Cole [00:12:37]:
And so that's my question to the guys today is like, what do you have in place that is positioning you to be a better husband, father, leader, even worker at your job? We are more stressed than we've ever been. We're more depressed than we've ever been. We're more anxiety ridden than we've ever been in America. And then as men, I think we feel an extra weight of providing for our families and being the strong leader we're meant to be, and yet we do very little for ourselves. And that's what I want to just caution the guys against. Not that we're selfish, we're not selfish, but there has to be a level of identifying. I need some healthy patterns and outlets in my life that will make me better in all these other areas because I've talked to guys like, I don't have time to work out. I work, and then the family needs me.
Caleb Cole [00:13:24]:
I'm like, no, you can't afford not to because it's going to make you better for your family. And I'm looking at obesity rates now at almost 50% in America. We got to do better physically if we're going to be better for our families. And so I think that's a great one to start with. Brandon and I just want to challenge the guys out there that I think sweating, exercising is something that you hear about, but I'm watching is becoming less and less of the norm, and yet I just feel like for me, it's provided health and I've never burned out a ministry in 20 years of ministry. And I think it's because I implemented that outlet in my life from when I was 23 years old, straight out of seminary. And I said, no, I'm going to do something for my physical health every single day, or at least four days a week, and how much stronger it's made me not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually having that. And so I'm glad you started with that one, Brandon.
Brandon Miller [00:14:23]:
Yeah, I'm going to go to another one that my business partner has a really strong affinity toward this. And it's the simplicity of being out in nature on a consistent basis, meaning we live a lot of our lives from building to building. A lot of us. Some of you work outside, so you're, you're getting all you can handle. You get all the elements. But for many of us, our lives are building to building. We building, car building. And the reality that just allowing us to ground, whether that's your golf, whether that's your hiking, walking, you know, just some recreating.
Brandon Miller [00:14:56]:
There is something to be said for sunshine. There's something to be said for a cool walk in the day or even getting out sweating with the kids, doing some activities at the park, because breathing in fresh air, just for one reality there, but also just the fact that you're resetting yourself in that space. One interesting study that the same buddy quoted to me was just sometimes standing on the ground with your feet bare and just walking around on the dirt, just being out in the grass or the dirt, just breathing it in, being apart. Some guys find that that's, there's some benefit to just getting outside, doing some hustling, running, or just relaxing.
Caleb Cole [00:15:34]:
Yeah, I mean, there's real scientific study behind the idea of grounding and having like, bare feet touching the ground, the earth. And that's something that I try to do at least weekly. We go to the park with the kids and almost always like, okay, I'm going to take my shoes off, run around in the grass with them. I'm going to physically touch the earth with my bare feet and like, vitamin D. I don't think we realize the effects or we don't pay attention a lot. And so that's such a good challenge, Brandon, just to like, what are you doing outside? What are you doing physically to see the sun and have the sun on you? And it's why the winter months are hard for me, man, because I'm like, it's cold and I'm just in buildings. I'm, I got to get out. I need the sun on my face.
Caleb Cole [00:16:17]:
And so that's such a good encouragement for us as men that are we connecting with nature, which God made us to be people outside of me, for all of human history, we worked outside. Our hands were in the dirt on the regular. It hasn't been until really the last hundred years that there's been this transition of, okay, now we sit and we sit behind these computers and screens all day. And our movement is only to a vehicle and then home and then to a couch. And there's an imprint on the couch where our cheeks are. And how sad that is. Like that we're not moving, getting outside more, which is how God made us to be. And he wants us, I believe, out there.
Caleb Cole [00:16:59]:
And so another good challenge that I've seen reap so many benefits in my life. I'm better, happier, more joyful when I'm experiencing the outdoors. And like you said, there's so many ways you can do that. Some guys golf. I know. That's what I like to do. I like nature. I just like manicured nature.
Caleb Cole [00:17:15]:
But then other guys like hiking. It's as easy as going to the park on a walk with your kids, though. There's so many different ways. And that's a challenge that I think we forget about. Like, let's get outside, let's connect with the nature that God made us to be in and even created alongside of us.
Brandon Miller [00:17:33]:
And I'll add to that because another one that this happens with my wife, but not exclusively because of what business allowed for me in just my professional life, but exploration, exploring new places, new delicacies, new opportunities. Exploration, allowing curiosity to exist, asking questions, staying stimulated. And I wonder what that's like. I wonder where that takes me. I wonder what's in this town that I've arrived in. And I'm at a stage in life where travel is something that I really enjoy. And it doesn't have to be travel on an airplane, it could be travel across town, it could be a new restaurant. We heard about a new site to see, a new sport to take in.
Brandon Miller [00:18:14]:
Because there's something about exploration from a healthy outlet that you're taking in and processing and being a part of something you haven't done before. And not only can that be for those of us who are married, interesting and enjoyable with our spouse, but even as an individual at times just allowing for the learning, the curiosity, the growth that I think we each want to be challenged with. Because what you said, well, is some of this is in, right. Some of the healthy outlets is what we take in exploration and learning, staying sharp in our minds, learning, processing, being a part of that is an amazing way to stay in a place of growth.
Caleb Cole [00:18:56]:
Yeah. I think today's culture and what we're experiencing and even what is pushed at us and is advertised towards us is a consuming, but it's a consuming of unhealthy things. And when I think about, like, the outlets or inlets that most guys go to to relieve the pain and the stress and the anxiety, overwhelming nature of life is things that are actually not beneficial to us. So we do things like, we go to pornography, we go to video games, we go to Netflix, and we think, oh, I just need to like veg. And let me just watch this entire season in one day, and then I'll feel better. And we know that when you do that, you don't feel better. You actually feel worse. You feel more tired.
Caleb Cole [00:19:48]:
I mean, we've all been guilty of it, including me at times, because we weren't made for this sedentary lifestyle. And even the sedentariness that we think will refuel us and refill us are actually things that leave us feeling more drained and empty and tired than if we said, let me explore. Let me get out. I just saw this research that came out that couples and individuals who spend money on experiences rather than material things have a significantly higher percentage satisfaction of life. And so that just correlates to what you just said is our outlet is, let me go to the mall and buy another pair of shoes or j's. Let me go get this new outfit. Let me get that other thing from Amazon. And yet, when we're actually spending our money on exploration, on adventures, on travel, those people reported much higher rates of satisfaction of life, because, again, you weren't meant to just consume and sit and stay.
Caleb Cole [00:20:54]:
And that only honestly exaggerates often the feeling of stress, anxiety, overwhelmingness that you have on your life. But the idea of, like, let me plan a trip, let me go experience this new space or place, let me go to a game. Like, experiences are so much a better way to live. And not only that, but what I found, because I'm an evangelist by nature, Brandon, is when I'm out experiencing things, I end up connecting with people. And God created us for people and community. And I know we always come back to this, but for me, it's like almost every time I go on an adventure, an experience, I connect with someone, and next thing you know, I'm having a God conversation. Sometimes they know God, sometimes they kind of know God. Sometimes they don't know God at all.
Caleb Cole [00:21:40]:
And then I'm walking again in greater fulfillment because I'm walking in my greater purpose, which for all of us was meant to give God glory, right? Like, we were made for worship, but also the command to make disciples and to point people back to him. Like, ultimately, we all have this call, and so what I found is me having outlets that are me going out, going to the gym, going to a trip, having an experience. Even when I go golfing, I try to, once a month, I just go get a tee time by myself. And people are like, you're weird. Every single time I've gone and made a tee time by myself, I end up, you know, you spend a couple hours with three strangers, you get to know them. And I would say 50% of the time, one of those people ends up at our church, ends up attending our church, ends up messaging me on social media because they watch one of my sermons, because I'm talking to them about God. And it inevitably comes up, especially, like, when my language is different than their language, and I ask them questions about their life and don't just talk about myself, you know, they sense something different. And so, again, what I found is when I get outside of, like, unhealthy outlets and unhealthy patterns of consuming and actually going out and adventuring and experiencing things is God connects me with people, and then I'm able to walk greater in my call and purpose of making disciples and being a light in the darkness.
Caleb Cole [00:23:09]:
You can't do that on your couch watching Netflix.
Brandon Miller [00:23:12]:
No. I'll add to that couple experiences that my wife and I shared. A year ago, we celebrated our 30th, 20th anniversary by taking a trip to Italy, actually through Europe. So we saved and made that a possibility. We looked out ahead, planned it, and I'll never forget, we were in Florence, and we went to a certain museum, and the person doing the tour said, I'm going to say everything I can right now, because as soon as you turn the corner and see this certain sculpture, you won't hear another word I say because you will be mesmerized the entire time. And so she goes on to explain, and sure enough, we turn a corner in this museum, and there is the 18 foot tall statue of David that was sculpted by Michelangelo. And it is a. An experience that my wife and I will always, always remember because of just, first of all, the sheer amazement of what was made.
Brandon Miller [00:24:09]:
But then you start thinking about David and the way he's depicted and who he was. And there was so much to that. I mean, it was a very spiritual moment for me, and it's something I got to share with my wife. A second experience I'll offer. And this one happened with one of our kids, one of our sons is our first shared international missions trip. So taking an experience to an african nation to go into serve, to actually participate together, my wife and I have written some books and we went as authors to help serve in a certain community, to offer some of our insights on parenting to some of the people there. And that experience, because what you said, it's taking things that we love to do. But you're also, as you described on the golf course, getting to talk to people about faith or being at a game and church comes up or they come and find you.
Brandon Miller [00:25:01]:
Because there is no greater infill than when we're doing God's will. There isn't any. And when we find ourselves in his flow and we're in that space, it's what helps a person separate. And when video games are okay for a time and when they're clearly, I'm not in flow now, I'm clearly overusing right? Or an activity even as good as working out. Gosh, I've gone seven days this week. I might be pushing the needle too far here because God seems to give us insights right into when we're in that healthy state of outlet and flow and when we're finding that, okay, we're not. And that that's where I think the call up to all of us has to be is what is that space? And how are you feeling that with God? What's there? And when it's time to refresh and reset it and renew of okay, now where is that happening? What's that rhythm in my life that keeps me in that space where I'm feeling health and vitality and flow and most importantly, connection with goddess and with the people in my life?
Caleb Cole [00:26:08]:
Yeah, I think that the call up is acknowledging what unhealthy outlets we've turned to. And I think as men, we know there are unhealthy outlets. And we've said, we're not going to call you out, but call you up. And so you need to look at yourself and say, man, there are some things I've gone to, maybe some unhealthy patterns, unhealthy outlets that I have used as an escape. And it has left me not feeling fulfilled and not feeling poured back into. It hasn't filled my cup. And yet there are healthy outlets. And we've addressed some of them.
Caleb Cole [00:26:43]:
There's so many more. I mean, we could make a long list of things that you could implement in your life to allow your cup to be refueled. And obviously they're the spiritual things. But we were really talking more about the practical. We know we need the word of God, need worship, we need church, we need community from a spiritual standpoint. Those things all pour into us, but there's practical things, outlets that we need that are healthy. And if we do them in moderation and in a God honoring way, that can actually fill us up. So to them, we're more fulfilled.
Caleb Cole [00:27:17]:
And I think the most disappointing thing to me is when christians tell me that, man, the following Jesus is just boring. And that's what a lot of people think, why they actually don't follow Jesus. Like, I want to party. I want to live it up. I want to have a life and adventure. And once I settle down and follow Jesus is going to be boring. I'm like, if following Jesus is boring, you're doing it really wrong. Because I found that the more I follow Jesus and the more intensely I do and the more committed I get, the more adventurous and crazy my life has gotten.
Caleb Cole [00:27:47]:
Because then he's bringing people along my path. He's saying, I'm hearing the spirit, go, hey, go encourage that person and speak this word over them. And I'm like, yo, what, God? Like, they don't even know me. You want to talk about adventure? You're going spaces and places you've never been. And next thing you know, God's opening opportunities for you to talk to them about him. And so I think the reason that people feel like following Jesus is boring is because we're doing it wrong. And so the call up is you may be doing it wrong, and you ask the Holy Spirit, like, what do I need to change so I can do this thing right? Because following Jesus should not be boring. It should be an adventure, the adventure of a lifetime.
Caleb Cole [00:28:25]:
And then the other thing is, you know, in the call up today is, what unhealthy outlets have I gone to that I need to remove? And what healthy outlets do I need to implement in my life so I can be operating from a full cup, so I can pour out on my family, on my friends, on my spouse, on my church. Cause that's what God wants. He wants us healthy and full and ready to pour out, even on the strangers that we may come across. So that's your call up today. Church Brandon. I should say church men of faith. I'm in pastor mode still. Brandon.
Caleb Cole [00:29:01]:
Brandon, thank you for challenging us with some practical things.
Brandon Miller [00:29:05]:
Yeah. And I'm gonna just say that I love that call up. Because if you've been thinking about something like, gosh, I wish I started this thing, or I've been planning to do it, here's your note, here's your nudge that. That thing you were thinking about doing, that healthy habit, that activity, that something like, gosh, I need more of this. Here's the nudge to find the healthy thing. And if you've also been thinking I'm doing too much of that, like, that's taking too much space in my life, here's also the healthy call up for both of those because it's probably already been sitting there. You've already been having the thoughts, holy spirit's already been talking. Here's the call up.
Brandon Miller [00:29:40]:
And I think we all could take something away from today.
Caleb Cole [00:29:42]:
I love it. Well, hey, thanks for tuning in to the men of Faith podcast. Whether you're watching on YouTube, listening on Spotify, or iTunes, we're so glad you've hung out with us today. Brandon. Always a pleasure. So, hey, men of faith, let's keep walking this faith journey with God at the forefront, and let's implement some healthy outlets into our life so we can pour out on all the people that we know. So love you guys. Grace and peace.
Caleb Cole [00:30:08]:
See you next time. Thanks for listening to men of faith. If you got questions you'd like us to talk about on the show, we'd love to hear from you. Join the conversation by reaching out in the Facebook group and we will definitely add it to our list. Also, if you want to engage with us at any of our quarterly men's events, you can check out projectchurch.com for more information. Until next time, grace and peace.