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Inside the FBI highlights news, cases, and people from around the Bureau—in audio form. For more information, visit fbi.gov.
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Narrator: The term “grooming” refers to a predator’s efforts to train a victim to engage in behavior that falls outside their comfort zone. It’s a gradual process that ultimately distorts the victim's sense of right and wrong until they bend to that predator’s will.
While grooming itself isn’t a federal crime, it’s a common precursor to many types of victimization the FBI investigates.
As Special Agent Kathleen Callaway, a crimes against children investigator with the FBI’s Washington Field Office, explains...
Callaway: ...the FBI investigates grooming because it's generally tied to illegal acts. For example, we investigate it because people might be collecting, distributing, manufacturing, producing child sexual abuse material. That is a federal crime, and we want to stop that. They could also be doing other things.
Statistically speaking, if someone is grooming one individual, they are grooming multiple individuals and have moved into crimes.
Narrator: And, as FBI Supervisory Child-Adolescent Forensic Interviewer (or SCAFI) Martha Finnegan adds...
Finnegan: We know from research that if people are collecting images of child sexual abuse material, a high percentage of them are also involved in hands-on victimization of children.
Narrator: Online grooming is a dangerous threat to kids and teens, since their still-developing brains and our culture’s constant use of mobile devices makes them especially vulnerable.
Finnegan: When we are putting phones today, which are little computers, in [the] hands of a teenager, we're basically giving them access to the world.
Narrator: On this episode of our show, we’ll first break down what grooming is, why it’s particularly dangerous for kids and adolescents, and how predators identify potential targets.
Next, we’ll teach you how to be a trusted adult to the young people in your life so they can confidently seek your help if they’re ever in crisis.
Lastly, we'll identify signs that an online “friend” may be a groomer, explain how you can report suspected grooming to the authorities, and discuss why these kinds of tips are critical for keeping predators off America’s streets.
This is Inside the FBI.
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Finnegan: When I think of grooming with our kids and adolescents, I think of it as the adult slowly getting them to lower their inhibitions so that they will involve themselves in activity that they may not otherwise do.
Callaway: Each subject is slightly different based on what their preference is and what their goal for this relationship is. Sometimes it might just be connecting with a minor, getting to know them. Sometimes it can be levels above that, where they're asking for pictures, videos, sexual conversations.
Callaway: It's whatever the subject deems valuable to them—and, potentially, meeting up with them in person.
Finnegan: And that could be because they're getting gifts. They might be getting special attention. They may be getting something from that person that they may not feel that they're getting from people in their family or friend group.
That person becomes special to them, and so, they don't see it as a danger because their inhibitions have been so lowered by this person.
Callaway: Grooming can be so dangerous because it targets vulnerabilities, and every single one of us have them. Every adult, every child has a vulnerability that can be targeted and used against them—whether that's their lack of friends, their lack of self-esteem.
Finnegan: To me, when we look at grooming, we have to back up a little bit and look at child development and adolescent development.
Narrator: The human brain isn’t fully developed until a person is about 25 years old. That especially applies to the brain’s frontal lobe, which, Martha says, impacts our reasoning abilities and impulse control.
Finnegan: An adult might look at someone talking online and think, “You know, maybe they're not real. Maybe they're not who they say they are. Maybe I should not send them that image that they're really wanting.”
Narrator: But a young person’s under-developed frontal lobe could cause them to see that situation differently. Teens have less impulse control, which gives them a risk-taking edge. They’re also curious about sexuality, and may lack trusted adults to consult about sex and relationships. And this makes them vulnerable.
Finnegan: So, there are people online that are willing to talk to them about those things. They're interested in finding out more.
Narrator: And even if a groomer’s demands come with threats, Martha says ...
Finnegan: ...they think, “If I do it, maybe they won't bother me again.” And so, they sometimes get themselves in a situation that they feel they can't get out of, because they're not processing things the way that we would as adults.
***
Narrator: Groomers scour social media and gaming platforms, as well as the dark web, to find their targets.
They tend to target kids and teens who they see as vulnerable and, thus, easy to exploit. Youth who seem lonely or who appear to lack a trusted adult to confide in—and therefore may been looking for human connection—are often targeted.
As FBI Employee Assistance Counselor Brooke Schetgen, who is embedded with Bureau personnel who investigate crimes against children, explains:
Schetgen: Especially with in-person abuse, the predator will look for a child that does not have a trusted adult, that does not have a relationship, that does not have what they perceive is the ability to go to an adult, report them, and say, “This person did something bad to me.” They will actually look for and groom those particular children because they are vulnerable.
So that's why it's important to have trusted adults.
That's a person—it doesn't have to be a parent, doesn't even have to be a family member—but an adult that you feel you can trust to share this information with.
And I think it's important for especially kids and teens, to know there's nothing an adult can't help you with. We can help you through any sort of thing, and there's no need to be embarrassed or to be afraid.
And so, youth just need to say, “Hey, I have this weird gut feeling. I need to talk to you about this.” And, as a trusted adult, we need to be non-judgmental. This is going to happen, and so, we need to be prepared for how we're going to react when someone in our lives comes and reports this to us.
Narrator: So, what does it take to be a trusted adult?
Schetgen: Always be a safe place for a kid that you know in your life to come and talk to you, someone that a child knows, “If I go to that adult, they're not going to judge me. They're not going to freak out and yell at me. They're not going to punish me. They're going to listen, even if they don't know how to solve the problem.”
Narrator: And, Brooke stresses, it’s especially important to be a trusted adult to any vulnerable kids in your orbit, since their lack of support systems could make them easy targets for these predators.
That said, if a child or teen becomes a victim of grooming, that doesn’t mean their parents or guardians failed.
Finnegan: Listen: Your child was manipulated. They are a victim in this. This is not their fault.
***
Narrator: As a trusted adult, you should also teach the kids and teens in your life the signs that someone they’re talking to online might be a groomer. Firstly, Kathleen says...
Callaway: ...no adult should make you keep a secret. There's a difference between a little secret like, “Oh, there's a surprise birthday next week; don't share.” Versus: “This is a really big secret. If you tell anyone, X, Y, or Z will happen.” That's a big red flag. No adult should be making you keep secrets from anybody.
Narrator: A second red flag is receiving friend requests on social or gaming platforms from individuals you don’t know in real life.
Likewise, online friends shouldn’t encourage you to move your conversations to a different platform.
Next, kids and teens should trust their gut feeling. If something about an online interaction feels wrong, it probably is.
Callaway: If you have something in your gut that's just telling you, “This is not a normal conversation. This guy is creeping me out. This girl is creeping me out.” Whatever it is, make sure that kids know they can listen to their gut. And if it's a creepy conversation, if it's not going how they feel is comfortable and how it should be going, just step back.
Narrator: Finally, if they’re chatting with someone online, but the questions feel one-sided, they should strongly consider ending the conversation.
Callaway: If someone's asking you a lot of questions but they aren't answering the questions that you throw back at them, that's a really big red flag.
***
Narrator: Most importantly, trusted adults must remember that their first responsibility is to ensure the safety of the young people in their lives—not to keep their secrets.
If a young victim reaches out to you about known or suspected grooming, you should report it to law enforcement immediately.
You can report it to your local authorities or the FBI—whichever you feel most comfortable with. You can submit tips to the Bureau by phone at 1-800-CALL-FBI—that’s 1-800-225-5324—or online at tips.fbi.gov.
Callaway: Report to whomever you feel comfortable with.
If you feel like you want to send it to multiple places, that's fine too.
Narrator: But if you opt to report the suspected grooming to state or local law enforcement and they don’t follow up or take action, Martha cautions...
Finnegan: ... don't stop there. Report it again, because we have had kids that have reported it and haven't gotten the needs met in the case. Reach out to the FBI.
Callaway: If you're going to submit to the FBI, we will always look into anything that you send us, regardless of how small or how big it is. We take everything very seriously.
Narrator: According to Kathleen, investigators will ask the person reporting the alleged grooming for information such as the predator’s name, how the young victim first met them, and what their username was on the online platform they both used.
If a young victim thinks something’s fishy or that a crime’s already taken place, they should screenshot all their conversations with the suspected groomer. If possible, these screenshots should include the person’s username on whatever platform the conversation occurred on, their display name, and any other information about themselves that they’ve published on the platform.
And if child sexual abuse material exists on any of the victim’s accounts or devices, Kathleen says, they should retain it but not include it in an online tip. The FBI will reach out to victims separately to obtain that information.
Callaway: Don't delete anything, but make sure that you block everyone so that they can't further contact you. When somebody follows up with you, they'll get all of that information from you.
Narrator: And if a young victim is communicating with a groomer on a platform with a disappearing messages feature, Kathleen says, the young victim should...
Callaway: ...just try and remember everything that you can.
Narrator: And even if the victim doesn’t think it’s worth reporting known or suspected grooming because it hasn’t led to something worse, it’s still critical to report that activity to the authorities.
Callaway: If a subject hasn't actually done any illegal offense, it's still good to file a tip because now they're on our radar. If it happens over and over again, we can track those patterns. We can see if something is occurring. If this is a one-time issue, then that's another conversation. But if you report this and no crime has occurred, it still allows us to track everything, monitor, establish those patterns that we need to.
Schetgen: We may already know of this person. You may be that one case that we need to actually arrest the subject.
And so, don't think, “There's no point in me reporting this because it's not that big of a deal." It really is going to make a difference.
***
Narrator: The prospect of telling a parent or guardian that they may appear in child sexual abuse material can be terrifying for a victim. But, Kathleen says, the Bureau understands this and takes great care in handling conversations with victims’ parents and guardians.
Callaway: If a child is victimized and don't want to inform their parents, but they still submit a tip, we will have to talk with your parents at some time. But we do it in such a way that, let's say, a child submits the tip. I will go to the parents and say, “Hey, there's some really weird activity. We just want to talk to the kid using a child-adolescent forensic interviewer to see if something did happen.”
Narrator: CAFIs like Martha are critical members of the Bureau’s Victim Services Division who are trained to interview young victims in a way that is trauma-informed, victim-centered, and—most importantly—admissible in a court of law.
Finnegan: Grooming and abuse can cause trauma in kids, but trauma is so individual to that person.
Narrator: According to Martha, an incident that may seem small to some people may be life-defining to that child.
Finnegan: We have to recognize that whenever we're working with a victim, we can't assume we know what happened to them.
We have to listen to them. We have to listen to where they're at, listen to what happened, listen to see how they are dealing with it, and start with where they're at.
Callaway: I would never “out” what the child had reported, because we want to make sure that they still feel safe and are comfortable to report all of that information. But we will go and talk to the parents so that they know what's going on, and we can set up those resources available for them.
If any images were taken, were distributed, anything like that, your parents would never see that.
Narrator: FBI personnel will inform the parents in a way that includes the teen.
Finnegan: “This is what I plan on telling your parent. You can be in the room when I tell them.”
We don't go through every little detail, and we make sure, again, that we're helping the parents understand that their child was manipulated into this, that they are clearly the victim.
Callaway: If anything, if we ever needed to try and identify a child, only the face would be shown.
Narrator: The FBI’s partners at the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children have also launched a service called “Take It Down,” which helps remove child sexual abuse material that depicts victims under the age of 18 from the internet. Learn more at takeitdown.ncmec.org.
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Narrator: You can also visit fbi.gov/protectingkids to access advice and information to help protect children from the dangers lurking online and off. Likewise, you can check out fbi.gov/onlinesafety for practical guidance about staying safe on the web.
Next, you can navigate to fbi.gov/vcac to learn more about how the FBI investigates crimes against children.
And finally, you can visit fbi.gov/victims to learn how the Bureau’s Victim Services Division informs, supports, and assists victims of all ages in navigating the aftermath of federal crime and the criminal justice process with dignity and resilience.
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Narrator: This has been another production of Inside the FBI.
You can follow us on your favorite podcast player, including Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. You can also listen to our show via the myFBI Dashboard app. Learn more at fbi.gov/dashboardapp.
And to subscribe to email alerts to learn more about new episodes, visit fbi.gov/podcasts.
On behalf of the FBI's Office of Public Affairs, thanks for tuning in.
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