“In a time when a woman could only be a man…”

Kevin and Harley try to write either a one hour drama for the Christian Broadcasting Network or a half hour sitcom for Netflix.

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What is Beardless, D*ckless Me?

For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.

00:00:25
Speaker 1: I want us to come up with a sitcom because I started watching Ship's Creek.

00:00:32
Speaker 2: You did, Yeah, isn't it so funny?

00:00:35
Speaker 1: It is? But it's like fucking Eugene Levy and and uh Dan Levy and even his sister Sarah Levy or Levy Eugene Levy Levy is it Levy or leaving whatever? But Sarah is the sister and she plays Twila on the show. So there's three. Really you know that.

00:00:58
Speaker 2: I didn't even know that.

00:00:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm watching these guys make a sitcom with family. I'm like, oh my god, what is genius? But a great way to go to work. So I'm not saying we got to come up with fucking Shit's Creek, which, to be fair, was just Green Acres, you know, with a lot more, but like modern day version of Green Acres, Fish out of Water sitcom, very traditional. Yeah, it's very well made and fucking like they're all funny as fuck. But we gotta I'm not even saying it's gotta be original, like it's gotta be like Seinfeld groundbreaking fuck that, it's just got to be something people would watch.

00:01:40
Speaker 2: Okay, we can do that.

00:01:42
Speaker 1: So the strength is like in going in as a family. Their production company was Dan and Eugene, so that's using them as a model. That's us.

00:01:52
Speaker 2: Okay, So we.

00:01:53
Speaker 1: Got to come up with the sitcom. Their first project was Ship's Creek, So no.

00:02:01
Speaker 2: Pressure, So no pressure. We have to be iconic.

00:02:06
Speaker 1: What is the what? What sitcoms did you like? Grown up? Did you like any sitcoms? Well?

00:02:15
Speaker 2: I don't know about like I mean in the later years, like The Office.

00:02:21
Speaker 1: Okay, yes, that's right, that was your surface my show, and that's your version of a sitcom of like fucking guy looks at the camera and ship like that. I love that. So wait, what did the old style of like three or four cameras and people like pausing for laughter and applause? Is that? Like did you ever enjoy a sitcom like that? Like? What who does that that? You know?

00:02:48
Speaker 2: Like Disney Channel and Nick they did that?

00:02:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, how strange? That's true. Like when the this sitcom format was being like changed by like like The Office and whatnot, Disney Channel and Nick were still doing pretty much traditional strong and we went to one we did live tape and fucking Zach and Cody.

00:03:12
Speaker 2: Oh yes, polite kids, We'll never forget. We'll never forget it.

00:03:19
Speaker 1: But I believe when we met them they were were they doing on deck? Sweet Life on Deck or no? No, classic? It was classic so at that point because then they moved on to like sweet Life on Deck or something like that. But by that point the boys had to be at least forty eight forty nine.

00:03:40
Speaker 2: Right of course, it's.

00:03:41
Speaker 1: Been acting for you. But they were so like well healed and like, hi, how are you nice to meet you?

00:03:48
Speaker 2: Like it was so exciting.

00:03:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, so exciting. One of them went on, did they both go on acting careers? One of them is, we've talked about this. We always fall down the.

00:03:59
Speaker 2: Right.

00:04:00
Speaker 1: Some Sweet Life was a sitcom that you fucked with and you Montana and those were filmed in front of studio.

00:04:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, I Carly, we want to one.

00:04:12
Speaker 1: What's the Carly song?

00:04:15
Speaker 2: I know you see somehow me and be so winder.

00:04:24
Speaker 1: Beat there and and said wind show me. I will make the show.

00:04:37
Speaker 2: Foun I will I'll like you lose your.

00:04:42
Speaker 1: Mind it is I gotta go from the top. Hold on, sorry, wait wait, how does it begin?

00:04:52
Speaker 2: I know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful.

00:05:03
Speaker 1: Live like there I know man, I'm going to get there and be so wonderous. Yeah it's not.

00:05:15
Speaker 3: It's really and it's not show me what these things.

00:05:26
Speaker 1: That's so I'm telling you this is just.

00:05:31
Speaker 2: So memois of mony.

00:05:37
Speaker 1: To be No chip, what is it that's there's no chance unless you take Are you crying? It's such an emthemic little piece of music.

00:05:51
Speaker 2: I was just about to start filming you, but we're off.

00:05:53
Speaker 1: Well, I must pull my phone out.

00:05:59
Speaker 2: You just love the high Carly theme song.

00:06:01
Speaker 1: Well it's great, but also like you singing it is like that makes even more kin it because you would sing it as a kid and ship.

00:06:07
Speaker 2: No, I just wanted to think that you're crying over the lyrics and.

00:06:11
Speaker 1: It's also powderful, yeah, of course, but like it's the gest like I don't know, Yeah, I would probably get emotional for like anybody, even if my most hated enemy.

00:06:21
Speaker 2: Telling you just how.

00:06:24
Speaker 1: So wag of the members of my nation, it's your time to be There's no chance unless you take one. Every time you see this side of situation.

00:06:42
Speaker 2: Some things I'm meant to be so gay, but your fastingly the rest to.

00:06:47
Speaker 1: Me leave it all.

00:06:51
Speaker 2: He loves it. He's so touched by the I.

00:06:59
Speaker 1: Like. I only found out fairly recently. It was like, what is it? So give it your best and leave the rest of me. I thought it was give it a rest and leave the rest of me. And I was like, I fucking love that because it's like that's somebody who understands, like, never're gonna get there unless you let me take charge. I hear something else when I listen.

00:07:19
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

00:07:21
Speaker 1: I like their version as well, very funny. Leave the rest of me, leave it all to be take it's slow, I think, Yeah, And now you won't be free you make up the memoiselle my nation. It's your time to be There's no chance unless you take one. Every time you see.

00:07:55
Speaker 2: This side a side.

00:07:59
Speaker 1: Jew some things are meant to be so good at you. Does that make me so emuptional? That's crazy. It's crazy powerful like popular, like like positive song.

00:08:13
Speaker 2: You won't be free until you wake up the members of my nation?

00:08:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's the other? Now I got to know the other fucking lyrics.

00:08:21
Speaker 2: It's so so powerful.

00:08:25
Speaker 1: And if there's something about Satan in there a chance for me? A well I Carly theme song?

00:08:40
Speaker 2: Is it not wake Up? I do believe it's called wake up the members of my nation, or maybe the lyrics what.

00:08:48
Speaker 1: I would like to be cosgrow leave it all to me lyrics, All right, here we go. I know you see somehow the world will change for me. I can't even it.

00:08:59
Speaker 4: Do you want me?

00:09:00
Speaker 1: I can get through it. Just it's so hacked to fall for this, But it's like that's the reason in this business, because like I believe in shit like this. It's but God, you love it. I know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful. Live life, breathe there. I know somehow we're going to get there and feel so wonderful. I can't. I cannot right now. I will make you change your mind. These things happen all the time, and it's all real. I'm telling you just how I feel. So wake up, the members of Man Nation. It's your time to be There's no chance unless you take one and the time to see the briders of every situation. Get over it, find it, find some things up man to be so gay your best leave that.

00:10:09
Speaker 2: Maybe my band should do a.

00:10:10
Speaker 1: Cover of the song, like a speed metal version from Yelling It God, that's nuts.

00:10:16
Speaker 2: It's so sweet, how touching that Carly theme song, It's to You.

00:10:23
Speaker 1: It really is on so many levels, but it made it's made even more so because like that was for you, Like that was sure, And I would always be like, you know, you can watch Carly or you can write.

00:10:35
Speaker 2: You would always say that's.

00:10:37
Speaker 1: One of them. Is way more fun.

00:10:39
Speaker 2: You would always say that to me.

00:10:41
Speaker 1: Watching it was inspiring. But yeah, that's a jam. It's a fucking it's a banger.

00:10:48
Speaker 2: It's an anthem.

00:10:49
Speaker 1: It really is.

00:10:50
Speaker 2: It's nothing less than a fucking anthem.

00:10:53
Speaker 1: No, she's crowded, did she? She didn't write that song. It's no way she wrote that song. I really did. Geez, did you.

00:11:03
Speaker 2: Watch Apology to mirandas Girl?

00:11:05
Speaker 1: Yeah? I really did fucking doubt her hardcore, didn't you.

00:11:08
Speaker 2: I can't say who.

00:11:09
Speaker 1: The lyricist is. The theme song leave It All to Me is the debut single by an American actress and singer Miranda Cosgo featuring Drake Bell from the Nickelodeon show I Carly soundtrack album. The song was written by Michael Corkoran, one of Belle's band members. Well fucking what a banger man.

00:11:28
Speaker 2: Well fucking thank you, sir. We always sing it in the car we too. We always listened to it in the car.

00:11:39
Speaker 1: You know they did you follow the you know that show when they like did the sequel show.

00:11:45
Speaker 2: I have not seen the sequel show, so you.

00:11:47
Speaker 1: Know her and that boy like finally kissed and stuff.

00:11:50
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I didn't know that. I Carly was such a off to discussion.

00:12:02
Speaker 1: I was so swept away by all the fuckers on Twitter who were like, probably your age when it was on, and they were all like, oh my god. And they were able to do those video side by side comparisons of like when they met as kids and when they kissed his adults and I'm not even part of the journey, and I was like, how fucking affected I am? Oh my lord, I'll tell you. We gotta make something like that. That's what makes money.

00:12:29
Speaker 2: This was not how I my Saturday nights.

00:12:34
Speaker 1: How it makes a come. You get real emotional overs and cubs that you used to watch. All right, we number one, we have strong Contender and fucking Smitty and Son.

00:12:44
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, that's still can we already come up with.

00:12:49
Speaker 5: A pretty hot idea for those who came in late fucking father Daughter number one, the American Prairie kind of like little House in the Prairie and there they on a mercantile called Smitty and Son, but the son is secretly.

00:13:03
Speaker 1: A daughter because she can't be a woman in those days.

00:13:10
Speaker 2: Oh god, are you gonna cry over that?

00:13:13
Speaker 1: It's pretty hot. If somebody was like, make it earnestly like fucking little house in the prairie or a Hallmark earnest or if somebody was like, just make that ironic as.

00:13:24
Speaker 6: Fun, it's like, oh hell yeah, either way, I work.

00:13:29
Speaker 2: Either way.

00:13:30
Speaker 1: It was at a time when a woman could only be a man.

00:13:36
Speaker 6: People like, there's a reason he couldn't call it Smitty a daughter because people be like, I'm not gonna buy my mercantile goods.

00:13:50
Speaker 2: Believe the mom passed away and and.

00:13:55
Speaker 1: This is gonna make me cry.

00:13:57
Speaker 2: My son had to well, theater had to play the role of a son to have this to run this business, to keep their family afloat.

00:14:09
Speaker 1: But why couldn't have just been the daughter, Because.

00:14:14
Speaker 2: I honestly don't know.

00:14:16
Speaker 1: I think it was the trope of people were shitty about women and then you know, insert any fucking number there.

00:14:22
Speaker 4: Honestly, but also today, yeah.

00:14:30
Speaker 1: A competing mercantile but then he can't be like we moved into town, because then you're the bad guy at the end of the day, Like, hey man, we had mercantile in town, you're gonna move in. But there has to be a reason that he's like, you gotta fucking beat a son. You can't. You got to take him down mental style and ship. You can't. Fucking if you show boobage here, we're fucked. Why, Well, that's the hook. That's the thing. We got to figure out why. It's just becau because it's the shitty olden days where they're like, oh, a woman's only good for the fucking dance hall across the street or whatever, and he wants to be taken seriously as a businessman or all right, the mom's dead, but the dad takes ill. Oh man, so smitty and son and it's but then the lie was always in from the fix was always in. You know what I'm saying, Like, does that mean because I completely lost.

00:15:40
Speaker 2: He take a step back.

00:15:43
Speaker 1: I don't. This is scary me. The U. In order to name the place Smitian's son, one of two things has to happen.

00:15:54
Speaker 2: Then That's what I'm talking about, is the mom disguise.

00:16:02
Speaker 1: Oh shit, now on something. He's like, look, our son died. I need a son and son partner. Can you tape them down? And she's like, I'm your wife. He's like it doesn't matter. She's like, just change the sign this minty. He's like, no, no, no, no, that's very expensive. No, will you take them down.

00:16:27
Speaker 2: They're about to open. They're about to open, and they can't change the sign. They're about to open for the first time ever in this new town.

00:16:35
Speaker 1: So there was a son.

00:16:36
Speaker 2: There was a son, but he died, right, And so it's.

00:16:40
Speaker 1: Got to be the daughter, not the wife. If it's the wife, it's a whole different fucking show because then people are like, Hey, did I see you kissing that man back there? What? No, I think you have something stuck in his throat. We have to be more careful. So it has to be like, you know, it's the age of consumption and shit, cholera, whatever, fuck all the diseases that take lines and stuff. And so him and his son built the place. My daughter is one year younger, but naturally it was old at times, and people were shitty about chicks. She was always kind of the afterthought, of course, So the son dies of you know, enter fucking disease a week and.

00:17:30
Speaker 2: Also the mom dies or the mom is it a double death? Does she die of despair?

00:17:38
Speaker 1: No? Maybe they both die in a horse carriage accidents. Maybe we're thinking about this all wrong, trying to give them diseases.

00:17:43
Speaker 2: Yes, that is so true. Oh wow, what a great setup. So either way, in a horse carriage accident.

00:17:51
Speaker 1: But here, here's all right. Here's mom died years ago. Dad has been raising the kids by himself, finally put together enough money and sold the farm in fucking Kansas, and then they moved to fucking Nebraska. The war stakes place, one of the big fucking farm states. So they're going to Kansas or whatever. But he finally saved enough to be like, I'm gonna open to mercantile SMNNY and sons. Yeah, but then why wouldn't you name it in honor of your dead wife?

00:18:23
Speaker 2: And you do have a point there. Why would you know I name it after your deceased wife?

00:18:30
Speaker 1: Maybe because we know why, because it's the eighteen where they're like, I gotta buy nothing from a pearls. Fuck that that sounds lady like SMITTI and sons and so him and his son put together the store and ship. It's about to but then the son dies from cholera, and then the old man is felled by it, but he bounces back enough, but he's still winged and ship. But if they don't open up, they owe to creditors and stuff like that, land deeds and what So she's got a like fucking tape.

00:19:04
Speaker 2: Does she have to play both the role of the dad and the son because the dad is too ill it's an.

00:19:11
Speaker 1: Acting door to force. No, just she just needs to handle the son part.

00:19:17
Speaker 2: It's just like Jacquel and hide and play and is both and is both the dad and the son.

00:19:26
Speaker 1: You know, I don't like that.

00:19:28
Speaker 2: Is that where you draw the line.

00:19:30
Speaker 1: I think you're taking it into a place where that feels that doesn't feel all right, Sorry, it feels more than to authentic for her, Like I got to fucking tape them down to save the family farm, so to speak. And then the father is on the mend and whatnot. But then you know, we got episodes where people like I want to buy my fucking gumballs from man who's got cholera and ship like that. Yeah, these are these are the fucking problems of the day, like none of these like my cell phone's broke because this is a fucking shitty eighteen hundreds and people really shit about.

00:20:02
Speaker 2: That was the first time you've said that.

00:20:04
Speaker 1: I think, I think I've coined the phrase. All right, so we have Smitty and Sons as a back pocket thing, but that's not a sitcom.

00:20:12
Speaker 2: That just that feels It feels very dramatic.

00:20:16
Speaker 1: It feels very Hallmark is what it feels like a family channel if that still exists. So now we've got to come up with the our ship's creak. It's just that simple.

00:20:31
Speaker 2: Is Smitty and Sons as close as we can get?

00:20:34
Speaker 1: I think, so, oh Jesus, I think. I think, well, number one, it's a firefucking idea, Smitty and Sons, So I'm not gonna apologize for that. But number two, like, well, maybe we go all in on it. Let's develop this further. Who are the people in the town?

00:20:52
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.

00:20:54
Speaker 1: So they gotta have enemies, right, people who are like, I'm gonna buy this American dial I'm from.

00:21:00
Speaker 2: The enemy is disease, but.

00:21:02
Speaker 1: Well, yes, in the existential sense, the enemy is Ultimately they'll never live past age fifty because it's the old time. But you know there's some land baron fucker who's like, you know, if if you don't open the store, I will take it from you and your son of God from bed. It's was you and a daughter, I'd have this place by now. So he's already he's got to be the bad guy, the guy you like love to hate and stuff. And then there's the the girl in town. See, the thing is, when you get to town, do you have to be a boy the whole fucking time or do you have to be a girl and a boy a boy behind the counter when you're helping at the mercantile, but then a girl going to school and shit like that. So it's like angel hooker, Wow, fucking student by day, hooker by night.

00:21:56
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, like Hannah Montana or that.

00:22:00
Speaker 1: She doesn't have a secret identity, Well, I guess she does it. She does, but she can't be going to school and run the mercantile during the day.

00:22:11
Speaker 2: She has to forego school. Is she even allowed to go to school? Or women even in school?

00:22:16
Speaker 1: Or no? The little house in Prayer they all went to school, Like Laura Ingles was in class and Miss Beadle was a teacher. She was a lady and stuff, so you know, school was like that's where do women go to school? Of course, But I don't know that she can live a double life.

00:22:35
Speaker 2: It's too hard.

00:22:36
Speaker 1: Yeah. That also might be a little too antic for the speed we're talking about. Like, you know, they're like pick a lane. She's trying to be you know, fucking you know, blend in in the shitty old days and that's enough without being like and she's also during the day like you know, a pretty model girl or whatever.

00:22:56
Speaker 2: Wow, the duality.

00:22:59
Speaker 1: She needs a nemesis, Like in Laura Ingalls in Little House in the Pair had Nelly Olsen, the daughter of the people that own the mercantile m. And that's who I think you should play.

00:23:12
Speaker 2: Oh the enemy.

00:23:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, the shitty spoiled for Smitty and Son.

00:23:17
Speaker 2: I'm not even playing yours.

00:23:20
Speaker 1: I'm not Smitty either, Yes you are. Oh that's right. In order for this to work, like Ship's Creek, we're both attacked. You're Smitty, all right, So I'm Smitty your son.

00:23:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm son.

00:23:32
Speaker 1: He's really the daughter spoilers. So we got to come up with a shitty buddy. Now a shitty like a nemesis, a friend of me, really flat out nemesis. Who would be your nemesis if you can cast it right now? No, a dog nemesis. Everyone's gonna hate you, everyone loves. Set yourself up for failure.

00:23:56
Speaker 2: There, I don't know.

00:23:58
Speaker 1: You tell me, Sidney Sweeney? Do you think we can get her moving on? Show?

00:24:08
Speaker 2: Moving on? Pretty true?

00:24:11
Speaker 1: What is who's famous in the world now?

00:24:15
Speaker 2: Like of that's my age or just in general or just like.

00:24:19
Speaker 1: Your age is? Who is the who's the up and coming?

00:24:23
Speaker 2: Uh? Sidney Sweeney is not up and coming? She's here. She has fucking arrived. Zendaya arrived a long time ago. The people on the bear Okay, I don't know.

00:24:48
Speaker 1: I don't know. If you look at a career and be like, oh, I would like that career? Whose career do you look at and be like I would like that?

00:24:57
Speaker 2: I don't want to say that. No, I don't want to say that right now?

00:25:03
Speaker 1: Wow, I had no idea. All right, it's too deep? Is that right?

00:25:07
Speaker 3: It's too deep?

00:25:08
Speaker 1: I wonder if there's some career if I want.

00:25:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, whose career do you want?

00:25:17
Speaker 1: Honestly? Like? I love my career. I wish like, you know, I had more fucking money or whatever, but everybody does like I. Yeah, I mean there's generally nothing I don't get to make eventually if I haven't made it, So it's like I can't really complain.

00:25:34
Speaker 2: You're a lucky guy.

00:25:37
Speaker 1: A wucky guy dance.

00:25:42
Speaker 2: It's wacky.

00:25:44
Speaker 1: Who plays the shitty land bear in town? It's got to be a guy. I mean, I appreciate the effort to keeping the family. I think he would be the local grave digger.

00:26:01
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that sounds more right because.

00:26:04
Speaker 1: People always die in those old timey places and whatnot. And he'll have a lot of philosophic wisdom. So true, you know what I'm saying. But I don't think i'd make him. He can't be a good bad guy. Give me your land, I won't take you seriously, I can give you my lind It's okay. No, you could cast anybody, but like male actor, you'd be like, oh, I'd be amazing to work with that guy.

00:26:32
Speaker 2: Steve Carrell.

00:26:35
Speaker 1: Fair enough, I love him, But you're talking about you know, like Steve Kroll. Come be serious, Come be the fucking evil lamb bear.

00:26:43
Speaker 2: Well is it that serious?

00:26:47
Speaker 1: Oh, you have no idea I'm gonna shoot this thing like fucking Euphoria. Wow, I read the Euphorus. Season three is not happening.

00:26:58
Speaker 2: It's been delayed delayed again. Definitely it has, Yes, it has.

00:27:04
Speaker 1: What's happened in Young Hollywood?

00:27:07
Speaker 2: I guess I should call and check in.

00:27:09
Speaker 1: Because can't you call the mayor of Young Hollywood and be.

00:27:11
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, what's your scoop? Let's go ahead them wrong number?

00:27:17
Speaker 1: What's going on? We were hoping you were going to tell us.

00:27:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, I forgot what I was going to say.

00:27:25
Speaker 1: Take it back to the fucking show man who plays Steve Carell. Now you know I want to show on your dreams, but not in my version.

00:27:34
Speaker 2: Sure you've already did, but you already shot on my dreams.

00:27:37
Speaker 1: All right, Steve Carell, it is don't just cast it full of office people. Though none of them will be convincing on the fucking prairies, many will be.

00:27:47
Speaker 2: John Krasinski, I.

00:27:50
Speaker 1: Thought I was smitty. I thought that's how this is our ship.

00:27:53
Speaker 2: I thought you didn't want to be smitty.

00:27:55
Speaker 1: I do if you're trying to make our ships creak.

00:27:59
Speaker 2: John c Ski, well I'm just.

00:28:04
Speaker 1: No. Let's see who would be our fucking land Baron, Dude, how old do.

00:28:11
Speaker 2: You picture that?

00:28:12
Speaker 1: Stephen Root would be amazing. Stephen Root has been in like a few things I've done. He was in Barry It's more recent. He was He's he was in Master's Universe. He was our battle cat. He's like if you saw him and be like, oh that guy. Did you ever see office Space, he's melting.

00:28:33
Speaker 2: The I'm going to look up what he looks like.

00:28:36
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he'd be amazing. He fit in the old time. He fucking looked very easily. He's one of those actors that's like the glue Yeah, oh yeah, the glue of like fucking every production.

00:28:51
Speaker 2: All right, he can be our he can be our guy.

00:28:54
Speaker 1: I could see him being our fucking like Whiplash character. Geez, speaking of Whiplash purpose, I'm sorry, all right, fucking that's it. That's the one we pitched. We stand by, all right. I was hoping we're going to come up with another one, but that's going with your strongest fucking hand.

00:29:13
Speaker 2: I guess it's a really smittier center bust.

00:29:16
Speaker 1: It's what Now, let me ask you this. You committed to this?

00:29:22
Speaker 2: Am I committed to this?

00:29:23
Speaker 1: Yeah? You're the Sun and son I so drew. Okay, all right, so the only place they'll pick it up is a Christian broadcasting network. Now, ain't gonna change our storylines. We were always set in the Old West.

00:29:41
Speaker 2: It was kind of giving religious programs.

00:29:44
Speaker 1: A little bit. So at the end of the day, our job is not going to change. It's not like, oh we got cut material because like fuck we get we are cut the fucking titty scenes because now we're on the Christian broadcast So the show's not going to change, but the venue where it will air, you know, we'll be largely conservative. But you're even guaranteed three seasons.

00:30:08
Speaker 2: What you did last time.

00:30:10
Speaker 1: Too, you're guaranteed three seasons.

00:30:13
Speaker 3: Huh.

00:30:14
Speaker 1: And you're gonna make only ten episodes per year, but you're gonna make one hundred thousand per episode, so that's a million bucks.

00:30:27
Speaker 2: Wait do I do I ever have to speak about it?

00:30:30
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to promote it in your socials. You're the main ad campaign for the entire network. So fucking they're like, you're close upon You're at the end of a long spot and you're like, we are CBN.

00:30:45
Speaker 2: Oh you put me between a rocket or Placier million.

00:30:49
Speaker 1: Bucks a year a helmet. I mean, you know, every season you sign up like that season one, you're getting million. So the show may not go forward, but they're like, we're really taking we're investing, We're really taking a shot on the show million million. Fuck you god yeah. Oh, especially like they have me until like we are CBN, Like I get to be the guy at the end of the spot. I mean I agree to the network. Great. Yeah, as long as they weren't like, hey man, in your social media, you can't be fucking blah blah blah. I'd be like, look, I ain't fucking changing who I am and stuff. I'm happy to make this show.

00:31:38
Speaker 2: But they're begging you to make Smodian son for them.

00:31:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, They're like, this is it. This is the thing.

00:31:43
Speaker 2: You don't have to change.

00:31:45
Speaker 1: Personally, No, nor the show. The show was going to be what it was always going to be. So you're can you can be in your social media, you can still like be like stop killing animals, but then you also have to be like and watch Median TV, Christian broadcast work. God bless you. That's their fucking slogan.

00:32:11
Speaker 2: I think I gotta say no.

00:32:13
Speaker 1: Million bucks, I gotta a year for media acting acting by the way, that gives you experience. Guess what you could be, Like can I direct one of these? And like, oh sure, so you get that under your belt as well. You got to learn to use the system, man, get paid by learn from it and shit, and hey, man, an audience is an audience. And you know they're like, look what out here's here's a big compliment about the show. You always hear. Well, I like about the show, no politics, Like I could just watch an adventure that happened back in the old days and fucking learn a moral. And the cast is great and I love the relations between the characters and stuff. I love this show. You just don't have to engage them about like uh huh, who'd you vote for?

00:33:06
Speaker 2: I have a hypothetical for you?

00:33:08
Speaker 1: Okay, so yes you will.

00:33:12
Speaker 2: You will receive yes, ten million dollars?

00:33:16
Speaker 1: Okay if okay?

00:33:20
Speaker 2: All you ate for one year? Yeah was vegetables? Yes for ten million dollars.

00:33:27
Speaker 1: Yeah done.

00:33:29
Speaker 2: You won't need a vegetable.

00:33:31
Speaker 1: Nobody gives me ten million dollars.

00:33:33
Speaker 2: So what about five million? No?

00:33:37
Speaker 1: Why you started at ten? That's interesting?

00:33:39
Speaker 2: Where you would were.

00:33:40
Speaker 1: You no point going down? You gave me a number. I'm fine with that number going to that going down.

00:33:45
Speaker 2: Anything else. You can't eat vegetables.

00:33:47
Speaker 1: That's fine. Ten million. Do you know which money ten million is. It's a lot of money.

00:33:54
Speaker 2: That's a year. That's a year.

00:33:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll get a ship in my life here needing a vegetable. Nobody's ever offered me ten million dollars to do so. So if I had ten million.

00:34:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I wanted to suspend.

00:34:07
Speaker 1: It on seeing you, I would be like, this seems like an unwise investment. But you know what, a fool and their money are soon parted. And since you're gonna waste on something like this, well, gladly I should have said a million. You should have.

00:34:19
Speaker 2: I just thought, I know, I didn't know.

00:34:22
Speaker 1: I just thought, problem you started ten, I'll never go.

00:34:24
Speaker 2: I thought it'd be it'd have to be so hot to get you to say.

00:34:27
Speaker 1: Yes, ten was Ten's my number? You hit it, be honest. Probably could have had me for five five million, Probably could have had me for five. But now that it's ten, fucking what.

00:34:37
Speaker 2: About a million?

00:34:38
Speaker 1: Ten million to eat some braccoli? Ten million to eat? I think you million to eat.

00:34:44
Speaker 2: I think that you would quit pair is not vegetable.

00:34:47
Speaker 1: Come quiet, quiet, superup? Can I make soup out of Nope? Fair enough, I'm gonna push my luft.

00:34:57
Speaker 2: You can't even put salt on it, can't them?

00:35:00
Speaker 1: No, just the natural whatever. You didn't say that, well I did not say it. No, you said ten million to eat just vegetables for a year, right, just vegetables. Raw vegetable is a completely different thing.

00:35:15
Speaker 2: Okay, you can cook it without butter, salt or pepper or all boil.

00:35:20
Speaker 1: All right, fair enough. I mean like, look, just oil. Great, I am going to eat. I think you give up in a week. I think ten million dollars. I think you give your three hundred and sixty four days away. I'd be like, fuck it, it's worth it, It's worth it. Oh my god. The end of it would be so much freedom. At the end of it, maybe I'd never eat a vegetable again.

00:35:46
Speaker 2: Not to say I don't have faith in you, but I really don't believe you.

00:35:52
Speaker 1: I mean, look, if anybody wants to try it, someone someone's got ten million bucks.

00:35:57
Speaker 2: Somebody out there, give this a shot.

00:36:00
Speaker 1: There are a lot of wacky billionaires out there, and he's like, I went to coach space. How about this, like fucking throw a ten million my way?

00:36:08
Speaker 2: Your many real healthy for a year.

00:36:10
Speaker 1: Yeah see if it could be done?

00:36:12
Speaker 2: Wow?

00:36:13
Speaker 1: What does that say about me? And I'm like, pay me to do sure, I'll put things in my mouth for money. That's where I have in my career.

00:36:21
Speaker 2: I'll do anything.

00:36:23
Speaker 1: I got a self sped in. All right, there it is. There's the fucking there's our Mamaly.

00:36:32
Speaker 2: Wait no, I was about to say hypothetical, but I don't want to say it in front of Wakie.

00:36:39
Speaker 1: Is that grim? What is it?

00:36:45
Speaker 2: No, it's too sad.

00:36:46
Speaker 1: It's about Waki. You throw Walky on the table. What the fuck? You were just petn and you're like, imagine if you're a dog had your fancy.

00:36:56
Speaker 2: I'm up against the Christian brought casting networks, so.

00:37:01
Speaker 1: That nearly is bad. I wasn't like they're gonn crucifying live on air, because that's the kind of thing they do. He's lacky.

00:37:08
Speaker 2: I take it back, I take it back.

00:37:10
Speaker 1: He just went over to Birdie Bill. I guess what my sister said is that Wait if that's your sister, is that my aunt? I don't get this relationship.

00:37:18
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's walk my sister because she was my sister. Yeah, and Walky's my sister, and Bodie's my niece.

00:37:25
Speaker 1: Bertie's your niece, Aunt Harley.

00:37:40
Speaker 7: This has been a podcast production, some podcast podcast using our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like what you just heard? Well, guess what. We've got tons more, man thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you at that Kevin Smith Club dot Come go sign up now