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Happening in Upland is your weekly rundown of what’s going on around town—local news, community events, public safety updates, new restaurants, development, weather, schools, and the stuff Upland residents actually talk about.
Delivered with humor, honesty, and a very local point of view, this isn’t stiff broadcast news. It’s real, relevant information with personality. If you live in Upland or anywhere nearby in the Inland Empire, this is your weekly shortcut to staying in the loop.
MARK: Welcome to another miserable Monday morning in the city of gracious living, also known as 'Happening in Upland'. It's May 4, 2026, and I'm your host Mark, coming to you with the same level of enthusiasm a DMV clerk has on a Friday afternoon. We're here to tell you what's going on in this patch of the Inland Empire before you inevitably get stuck in traffic and lose your goddamn mind. If you want to reach out and tell us how much you hate our voices, email us at upland@thehappeningnetwork.com. We probably won't read it, but it'll make you feel better.
JOLEEN: And I'm Joleen, the upbeat, cynical voice that reminds you that even if the sun is out, the rent is still too high and your neighbor's dog won't stop barking. We've got a lot of shit to cover today, from sports rivalries to the fact that it's actually raining in May, which is just mother nature's way of playing a sick joke on our car washes. Make sure you hit that subscribe button and leave a comment if you've got nothing better to do with your life. Honestly, if you're listening to this, you're already one of us, so just embrace the sarcasm and let's get through this together.
MARK: Starting off with the top headlines, we've actually got some moisture falling from the sky today. It's May 4, and apparently, the clouds didn't get the memo that we're supposed to be transitioning into the 'everything is brown and on fire' season. The city is also making a big push for their VolunTeen program right now. They're looking for high schoolers to spend their summer doing unpaid labor for the city under the guise of 'community service'. It's a great way to teach kids early on that their time isn't worth much to the government.
JOLEEN: Oh, for fuck's sake, Mark, let the kids have their little gold stars on their resumes. It's better than them hanging out at the mall trying to steal vapes. But speaking of things getting stolen, the local headlines aren't exactly full of sunshine. We're seeing more reports about the city council trying to find ways to spend our tax dollars on things that don't involve fixing the giant potholes on my street. They're very focused on these 'beautification' projects while I'm out here needing a new suspension every six months. It's like putting a tuxedo on a pig and calling it a gentleman.
MARK: In crime news, if you own a vehicle in Upland, you're basically playing a game of 'will it be there in the morning'. The latest data shows our property crime rates are still floating above the national average, which is a fancy way of saying lock your doors, assholes. Motor vehicle theft is particularly high right now. Apparently, Upland is the premier destination for people who want a car but don't want to deal with the pesky paperwork of actually buying one. It's gotten to the point where if you leave a laptop in your passenger seat, you're basically offering a charitable donation to the local thieving community.
JOLEEN: It's honestly impressive how efficient these guys are getting. I saw a post on Nextdoor where someone had their catalytic converter taken in broad daylight while they were inside buying a single avocado at Sprouts. By the time they finished paying six dollars for that piece of fruit, their car sounded like a tractor. We've got a police department that's doing its best, but there are only so many patrols you can do when everyone is distracted by the latest drama at the school board. Just don't be a dickhead--bring your stuff inside and maybe invest in a camera that won't just show you a blurry image of a guy in a hoodie.
MARK: Speaking of the schools, today is a massive day for the kids at Upland High. It's the start of AP Exams, running from today through May 15. That means the air around the high school is thick with the smell of Red Bull and the sound of silent sobbing. If you see a teenager staring blankly into space at a Starbucks, don't disturb them. They're likely trying to remember the nuances of the French Revolution while questioning why they signed up for five college-level courses in the first place. It's a stressful time for everyone involved, including the parents who have to pay for the testing fees.
JOLEEN: I remember those days, and quite frankly, I'm glad I'm done with that bullshit. The district is also patting itself on the back because the U-College Academy is seeing some decent numbers. We've got 57 seniors in that program, and a bunch of them are going to graduate with associate degrees before they even get their high school diplomas. It's smart, actually. Why spend four years in college when you can knock half of it out while you're still young enough to have hope for the future? I just hope they realize that once they get into the real world, no one cares about their GPA, they just want to know if they can show up on time.
MARK: Moving on to something that actually matters--food. We decided to check out Toro Y Pampa recently. It's that little Argentinian spot that's been gaining some traction. If you haven't been, it's covered in soccer memorabilia because, apparently, you can't serve beef in Argentina without a picture of Lionel Messi staring at you. The vibe is very homey, which is usually code for 'we didn't spend much on the decor', but the food actually holds its own. I tried the empanadas, and they didn't make me want to walk into traffic, so that's a win in my book.
JOLEEN: The empanadas were okay, but their pizzas are the weird part. They do that Argentinian style where they basically drown the thing in mozzarella. It's like they're trying to hide the dough under a thick blanket of dairy. I had the one with red bell peppers and olives, and it was so heavy I needed a nap before I could even pay the bill. It's authentic, I guess, if your idea of authenticity is feeling your arteries clog in real-time. But honestly, it's a nice change from the standard pepperoni slices we get everywhere else. It's definitely a 'date spot' if your date enjoys being too full to talk for three hours.
MARK: On the sports front, the Upland High baseball team is starting a huge three-game series today against Etiwanda. This is a big deal for the Scots. They just finished a series against Los Osos, and now they've got to face the Eagles. The first game is at home today, and then they're heading over to Etiwanda tomorrow. These kids play with more intensity than the city council does when they're arguing over park bench colors. If you want to see some actual effort in this town, go watch the Scots play. They've been on a decent run lately, and the varsity squad looks like they actually want to win something this year.
JOLEEN: It's always funny to see the parents at these games. They're way more invested than the players half the time. You've got dads screaming at the umpires like it's the seventh game of the World Series, meanwhile, the kid at shortstop is just wondering if he can get In-N-Out after the game. But seriously, the Scots have been performing well. They took down Los Osos 5 to 3 last Friday, so they've got some momentum going into this Etiwanda series. It's a localized rivalry that keeps things interesting, even if it does mean the parking lot at the school becomes an absolute nightmare of suburban SUVs.
MARK: If you're looking for things to do that don't involve teenagers throwing balls, there's a Farmers' Market at the library on Thursday. It's the usual suspects--artisanal honey that costs twenty bucks, vegetables that look slightly better than the ones at Stater Bros, and people walking their dogs like they're on a runway. There's also some weird event called 'Not In My House' happening on Wednesday afternoon. I'm assuming it's some kind of city meeting or a very localized protest against people who don't mow their lawns. Either way, it's at the city manager's office if you're bored.
JOLEEN: I'll stick to the library events, thanks. They've got a 'Craft Corner' and something called 'The Internet Made Me Do It' coming up later this month. But for this weekend, the big focus is really on Mother's Day prep. Every restaurant in town is already booked up for brunch on the 10th. If you haven't made a reservation yet, you might as well just buy a card and hope for the best, because you're not getting a table anywhere unless you want to eat at 3 p.m. at a Denny's. There's also a 5k Junior Golf Club thing on Saturday if you want to watch children be better at sports than you are.
MARK: Let's talk about the weather, because it's being a real bitch today. We've got those sprinkles and cloudy skies right now, with temperatures topping out in the high 60s. It feels more like London than Upland. But don't get too comfortable in your hoodies, because the forecast says we're in for a massive swing. By Wednesday, it's going to be 75 and sunny, and by the time we hit next Monday, May 11, we're looking at a high of 92 degrees. So we go from 'I need a light jacket' to 'my car's leather seats are literally branding my thighs' in just one week. Welcome to Southern California.
JOLEEN: It's that classic transition where the marine layer just gives up and lets the sun bake us into oblivion. I hate that mid-90s spike in early May because no one is ready for it. The AC units haven't been serviced, and everyone smells like old gym socks by noon. Enjoy the rain today while it lasts, folks, because in 48 hours, you'll be complaining about the heat and the fact that the mountains are hidden behind a wall of smog again. It's the cycle of life here. We get two days of nice weather and ten months of regret.
MARK: Construction is still the city's favorite pastime. While everyone is used to the Foothill mess, you should keep an eye out for the project on Alpine, Vernon, and Palm. They're still in the 'under construction' phase there, so expect some delightful lane closures and the general sound of heavy machinery to ruin your morning coffee. The city says they're making improvements, but I'm convinced they just like moving dirt from one side of the street to the other to look busy. If you're commuting through that area, maybe leave five minutes earlier or just accept that you're going to be late.
JOLEEN: I drove through there yesterday and it was like navigating a maze built by someone who hates cars. There are orange cones everywhere, and the workers seem to just be standing around watching one guy use a shovel. It's the peak of efficiency. They're also doing some flashing beacon work on 11th Street, so if you see lights blinking for no reason, don't worry, you're not having a stroke, it's just the city trying to make sure pedestrians don't get flattened. It's a noble goal, I guess, though I've seen some of those pedestrians cross Euclid without looking, so the beacons might not be enough.
MARK: And finally, the real estate market, because we all love hearing about how we'll never own a home. The median listing price in Upland is still hovering around 827,000 dollars. I don't know who is buying these houses, but they must be printing money in their basements. There are about 173 homes on the market, but the days on market are trending upward. People are actually taking a second to think before they spend nearly a million dollars on a three-bedroom house from 1965. It's a wild time when a starter home costs as much as a small island in the Caribbean.
JOLEEN: It's the 'Upland North versus Upland South' divide that really gets me. You go north of the 210 and you're looking at houses that cost more than my entire family tree combined. Then you go south and it's still expensive, but you've got more 'character', which is just a real estate term for 'the plumbing is a suggestion'. If you're a first-time buyer in this market, I honestly feel for you. You're competing against investment firms and people moving in from the coast with buckets of cash. It makes you want to just move to the desert and live in a yurt, but even those probably cost 500k now.
MARK: That's it for our little deep-seated look into the void. Remember to like, subscribe, and leave a comment if you want us to keep doing this. If you have any tips on where to find a cheap house or a decent taco that isn't overpriced, email us at upland@thehappeningnetwork.com. We're also on the usual social platforms, but honestly, we spend enough time there already. So go forth and try not to let the Upland traffic eat your soul today. We'll be back next week to tell you how much worse things have gotten.
JOLEEN: Yeah, thanks for listening, or for having this on as background noise while you try to ignore your coworkers. Don't forget to tell your friends about the show, unless you don't like your friends, in which case, keep it a secret. We'll see you next time, assuming we don't get stuck in a permanent traffic jam on Mountain Avenue. Have a day that's at least slightly better than mediocre. Goodbye, and try not to do anything stupid that'll end up in the crime report next week.