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What do you do when the bottom drops out and life breaks in ways you never imagined? Charlie and Jill LeBlanc have walked that road, and through their personal story of loss, they’ve discovered the sustaining power of God's presence. In this podcast, they offer heartfelt conversations, Scripture-based encouragement, and the kind of hope that only comes from experience. Whether you're grieving, struggling, or searching for peace in the middle of chaos, this space is for you.
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to our Finding Hope podcast.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes.
Jill LeBlanc:Getting through what you never asked for.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes.
Jill LeBlanc:And we wanna talk today with each other and with you about approaching the holidays. And we hope that you were able to join us when we did our live earlier this month. We had a live called Finding Hope For the Holidays.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:We just want to touch on some of the things we shared that day and maybe some other things as well, but it certainly is a thing. And just in doing some research, I found so many articles that cover this topic. So I want you to know that you are not alone.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:If you are, you know, here we are. We are officially approaching the holiday season now. As as of the time of of this airing, it's two days before Thanksgiving.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:And that's, you know, there are just triggers that happen during the holiday seasons for those of us that have walked through loss.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:And there are things that need to be talked about. And just want you to know that you're not alone. You are in a big company of people that are facing this as well. So we want to shed some light and just give to try to give you hope for this season.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. You know, the the holidays can be really tough. And, as a friend of ours said recently, you know, when you gather with your family, either at your home or at one of their homes or whatever, there's always that one chair that's empty. You know, we all have loved ones, many of us that we've lived with for a while that are now gone. And that's just a real tough, thing to to be aware of.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know, it's been almost seventeen years, sixteen and a half years for us. And so it's it's getting easier, you know, we're we're more involved in who's there, who's present than we are feeling the pain of the one who's not there. But boy, at the beginning, it was it was so evident. We were always just trying to, you know trying to make the best of the situation. Like you said in Thanksgiving, know the whole thing, all the holidays, it's tough.
Jill LeBlanc:I remember our first Thanksgiving, So Beau passed away in January, so we had the whole year to go through. And so, of course, it was several months later when we had the first Thanksgiving and so much of our family came to our house. Norman and Deborah came.
Charlie LeBlanc:I didn't remember that.
Jill LeBlanc:You know, just a lot of lot of different ones came. You remember you went hunting with Norman off of the deck and all that.
Charlie LeBlanc:oh, yeah, yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:You know, we just had all this family there and I I didn't realize it at the time. And I don't know if it was ever spoken or, you know, if anyone ever said, oh, we we need to go and support Charlie and Jill in Thanksgiving. But just bunch of them showed up and it was a really nice time.
Jill LeBlanc:But I was so busy with all the preparations and, you know, sleeping arrangements and everything else, you know, that I didn't have a whole lot of time to think about it. Yeah. But I just remember that looking back, it was, you know, once I took time to slow down, it was really challenging and interesting to what you just said. You said it it gets easier as time goes on, but I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat forming as as we think about it and talk about it.
Charlie LeBlanc:Mhmm. Mhmm.
Jill LeBlanc:So for me, it's a real sensitive time of year.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. I'm real sorry, babe.
Jill LeBlanc:It is what it is, you know?
Charlie LeBlanc:Well, yeah, it is. I mean, it is for all of us. And yet, you know, for some of us more than others
Jill LeBlanc:Right.
Charlie LeBlanc:Depending on
Jill LeBlanc:Different things.
Charlie LeBlanc:The moment and and what you're doing and what you're remembering, what you're thinking about as you're prepping the food, you know, and, you know, we're grateful that we do have four grandsons that have helped us get through the loss of missing missing Beau. But nonetheless he's absent and he was interestingly I've been going I've been finding my journals from the beginning lately and I've been reading them on purpose and and, just wanting to see what my heart was like back then and how how broken it was and and I think it's just really for me it's helpful to remember and to also to see how far God has brought me in my healing journey. You know, it says he heals broken hearts. So, you know, we had the privilege of being on, on the Healing Journeys broadcast where they talk a lot about physical healing. But, but we're so blessed that they respected our message enough to say, Charlie and Jill, you know, you have a message of God healing broken hearts and that is so important.
Charlie LeBlanc:In fact, I was reading Bill Johnson's book recently and he made that comment too. He said, you know, we emphasize the healing of bodies, but we don't talk enough about the healing of broken hearts and broken souls.
Jill LeBlanc:It's true.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah, there's another ministry out there that we ran into is called Mending the Soul that was, really touching even the title just to know that people's hearts need mending and and approaching these this season is tough.
Jill LeBlanc:It is.
Charlie LeBlanc:It's tough, especially for me, Thanksgiving for me, Thanksgiving is not as tough as Christmas.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. That's really tough too.
Charlie LeBlanc:And moving into all that and setting up the decorations and everything. But, but yeah. You know, you just have to you know, you have to just adjust your heart and and and get ready.
Jill LeBlanc:You do.
Charlie LeBlanc:You have to prepare for it.
Jill LeBlanc:You do. And and some who haven't walked this road would say, like, to my comment that I just made about once we started talking about all this, it, you know, made me, you know, just have have this little thing on me. So someone would maybe say, well then just don't talk about it. Just don't think about it.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:But that's not practical.
Charlie LeBlanc:No.
Jill LeBlanc:This is our life, and this is what we walk through. And I know many of you do as well. And and it's just normal.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:It's it's part of it.
Charlie LeBlanc:It is. It's very normal, and it it's part of the journey. We miss our loved ones, and that's just normal. And, and the grief thereof is normal. And, you know, acknowledging them is is normal as well, you know, just to remember them.
Charlie LeBlanc:And and, you know, sometimes in my prayer time before we pray for Thanksgiving or whatever, sometimes I'll remember to say, and, Lord, we just, we thank you for this day. We thank you also for our loved ones in heaven. We thank you that you're you're taking care of Beau. I thank you. You're taking care of my mom and dad and and, you know, and I thank you that that, you know, they're in a better place. And, but, but it's remembering them. And I think everyone like sometimes it's an elephant in the room.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. Big time.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah, it's that-
Jill LeBlanc:Big elephant.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah, it's a big elephant in the room and no one will, oh, don't say anything about Beau, don't say anything about your loved one that's gone. No, I think it's healthy too. I think it's know that we've talked about this before that at the beginning we didn't wanna say anything to our girls about Beau because we didn't want them to hurt more. They didn't wanna say anything to us about Beau because they didn't want us to hurt more.
Charlie LeBlanc:It was the elephant in the room and we just said, listen, this is real. This is what happened to us. It's awful. It's painful. It's broken. But we're not going to get any better just trying to hide that it happened. Talking about it is so powerful.
Jill LeBlanc:Yes. It is.
Charlie LeBlanc:And so helpful, and it just it heals.
Jill LeBlanc:And even if it makes us cry, you know, tears are like they're like watering a plant almost.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. Absolutely.
Jill LeBlanc:It's a healing balm.
Charlie LeBlanc:It is.
Jill LeBlanc:And if we if we just suppress that, it it keeps our, it keeps us from moving forward if we don't let ourselves cry when it's there.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:You know? And give place for for grieving. We have to grieve.
Charlie LeBlanc:Absolutely. And, you you can do it privately, and sometimes it happens publicly. And that's just that's okay. It's okay either way. And hopefully you're around safe friends and people when grief does hit you publicly that they will not judge you, but they will love you.
Charlie LeBlanc:But again, preparing for these holidays, I think I think we the scripture that I wanted to read today that, that I've shared many times on this broadcast, but on this podcast, but it's it's Proverbs 14:10 in the in the, Passion Translation. It says, Don't expect anyone else to fully understand both the bitterness and the joys of all that you experience in your life. Let's say it one more time. Don't expect anyone to fully understand both the bitterness and the joys of all that you experience in your life. This scripture just really jumped out of the page at me because, that's what There's so truth here that first of all, no one can really understand the depths of your pain.
Charlie LeBlanc:One can really understand each of our journeys like we do and like the Lord does, thank God. So don't expect anyone to fully understand, like when you're getting with these family gatherings, don't expect them to understand or to even say anything, because we've experienced loss, we know the importance of saying something and bringing someone aside and saying, hey, well, we sure do miss so and so, he's no longer here, your husband or whatever it might be. He was a wonderful man to say that it brings so much healing because that person who's in the group that's lost their husband is sitting there thinking, gosh, I really wish I had my husband with me. I feel all alone. I feel like an odd person here. The the odd one out, you know?
Jill LeBlanc:Mhmm. Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:But but you can't expect anyone to understand.
Jill LeBlanc:Because they just don't know what to say. Most of them. It's very it's it's not Andrew Wommack uses this phrase, it's as rare as his teeth, which is really funny. But it's not that rare, but there are some people that do understand.
Jill LeBlanc:But most people don't understand how to how to talk to people that have lost.
Charlie LeBlanc:No. They don't. And these big family holidays, these big get togethers, you know, everyone's coming in with, you know, with the, you know, happy, happy face and everyone's bringing their dish and and they're they're all trying to be loving and kind and be on their best behavior even if they have a little strife with one of their siblings or or their mom or dad there, you know, they're trying to be on their best behavior. Thank God for that. But, but again, and and and if they're walking into a home where there's been a significant loss, they're aware of it.
Charlie LeBlanc:But normally the go to is don't say a word about it, try to distract them, talk about everything else except for their loved one that's bath. You know, that's the go to. So us as those who are bereaved and have lost a loved one, I hate to think about the fact that we're in that we're in that room now. You know, we're in that what do they call it? That club, you know?
Charlie LeBlanc:And you you might be in that club. We're in that club. And, we didn't ask to be in it, but we got put in it. And, know, we just have to realize that people will will probably say the wrong thing. Even if they attempt to say something, they probably will say the wrong sin.
Charlie LeBlanc:Don't expect them to fully understand the pain that you're going through. And that's where a lot of grace has to happen on our part. We have to be ready to just smile and nod our heads. You know, if they say something stupid like praise the Lord, he's in heaven because this is another one of those moments where, of course, at funerals, those kinds of words are always spoken. At family gatherings, you know, they can say, well, you know, I'm gonna say something about they lost their husband.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know, I'm say something. Praise the Lord. He's in heaven, you know? But again, I'm not, I'm speaking to you as a bereaved person, not as much trying to preach at those who don't because that's what I have a tendency to do is really get after those who don't understand and try to teach them because that's part of the mandate that God has called us to do.
Jill LeBlanc:Right.
Charlie LeBlanc:But I'm speaking to you right now that have lost a loved one, you know, just guard your heart and just don't be, you know, don't be too sensitive, Put a shield around you so that you don't get hurt so that, you know, something doesn't happen that you feel the hurt, you know? And, so just just prepare yourself for that, you know, and trust the Lord that that it won't hurt you. You won't don't let it hurt you.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know, take a stand and just say, I'm gonna love them anyway. I love one of my favorite verses, which I know is not always yours, but when Jesus was on the cross, you know, he said, forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do. And really, in these cases is so true because most people just really don't know what they're doing when they say certain things. They're trying.
Jill LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Charlie LeBlanc:They're trying to say the right thing.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:But they they really don't know what to say. And and we didn't either before we lost our son.
Jill LeBlanc:It's so true. I wanted to read a little something that I found in an article. You know, there's so many things well, before I read that, I just wanted to say, you know, just to to try to make plans, try to do a little planning ahead to be able to protect yourself if you're gonna be with, you know, family that maybe just don't understand. I mean, they they understand because they know you lost your your precious person, whether it's a spouse or a sibling or a child or or a parent that you're super close with, whatever, friend, you know, whatever the relationship, you know, people get it and they understand that loss is painful, but like we've been saying, they just may not know how to.
Charlie LeBlanc:Address it.
Jill LeBlanc:Yes, address it. But there are a few things that you can do to try to help just protect your own self during the holiday season. And we've mentioned this before, but one of them is planning ahead. You know, just be selective on people that you want to spend time with and people that you don't want to spend time with. Like, you know, if at a family gathering you know that there's people that are going to be there that you just don't even want to spend time with because you don't want to you know what they're going to say and it's painful, Just do your best to circumvent them.
Jill LeBlanc:Don't don't get caught in in a in a place where you are face faced off facing off with them. And then also plan ahead on the bigger picture of where you want to be. Like, it's a little too late for Thanksgiving unless you live local as far as traveling, if you're with your family in the same town, whatever. But you know, as far as Christmas, don't plan to be around the big family. Maybe just get with some friends.
Jill LeBlanc:It just depends on your dynamic, not your situation, what family is in town, if it's extended, like siblings and all that, or if it's your children or your parents. You've gotta work all that in, but just to think about it. Think about, you know, the dynamic that's ahead of you and and just try to make it easy on yourself.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. You know, Jill, that reminds me of the wisdom that you gave. We have two two widow friends in that in the last few years. And and, you know, the one that was living out in California, you know, you said, what are your plans?
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. It was it was the-
Jill LeBlanc:-anniversary of his passing.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes. Of his her husband's passing. He said, what are your plans? And she goes, I don't know.
Charlie LeBlanc:I'm just gonna go to school and work my day. And she she worked out of school. And Jill said, you know, Carla, you really should be praying about maybe going out of town. You know, maybe you should consider something different. And she go, wow, I didn't even think about that because you don't want to be a home alone. You gave her some real rich counsel there. And she ended up going out of town and to be with her family. And she was so grateful.
Charlie LeBlanc:Then I think about our other friend, Terry, who lost her husband and she was having a We've mentioned this before, she was having a big birthday at the same time during Christmas. So she visited her daughter in Paris who was with a missionary, a missions organization. So those are really some smart things.
Jill LeBlanc:And I will never forget this. There was a family who lost, they had two children. They're the couples our age and they had two children. Maybe they're a little younger than us, but their son was killed suddenly in a car accident. And some friends of ours who were missionaries overseas, I think they were in Ireland at the time, invited this family to come and spend Christmas with them.
Charlie LeBlanc:Aw.
Jill LeBlanc:Just because they knew them, not like they weren't besties or anything, but they knew them really well, or well enough to say, Why don't you guys just come over here? The couple and their daughter. They didn't have any- granddaughter wasn't married yet and all that. But just the three of them went to visit our friends and then just toured Ireland every day they just drove somewhere else.
Jill LeBlanc:And that's another thing, to maybe put your traditions on hold for a year. Especially if this is like a new season for you, maybe you haven't walked through a Christmas yet without your loved one. So maybe know, suggestions, you can do whatever you feel you want to do, but maybe a special tradition that you would always do with your family, but someone's missing this year. Maybe try a different something, you know, make a new memory. And then maybe eventually you can go back to some of your former traditions if you want to.
Jill LeBlanc:But I know that that can be very that can pull some triggers as well, just to do the same thing. I probably need to do something about this. But like every year when we pull out our Christmas decorations, I would always come across different ornaments of bows that were just in the mix. You know, I have some for each of our kids that like my mom gave them, and so I keep them and put them on archery. And I had there were several there for Beau.
Jill LeBlanc:So a few years ago well, Christmas has just been really hard for me ever since. But a few years ago, I thought these are pulling a trigger or pressing a button for me every year. I probably should just box them up and put them in a place that it's not gonna be so obvious that I'm not just going to stumble upon them because every year, every darn year, I see these things and they just stir it all up again. And so this is something I need to do something about, just to protect my own heart, my soul. But, you know, just new traditions, just creating new memories, That's something that you can do, and it's not like you're leaving your loved one behind, but you have to move forward with a new season of life.
Jill LeBlanc:And and so these are just some little little tips.
Charlie LeBlanc:That reminds me of of what that minister said to us right after we lost Beau. He said, be kind to yourself.
Jill LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Charlie LeBlanc:That is such a powerful phrase, you know, in these difficult, desperate, you know, broken moments of our life and when we're facing tough things, you know, Proverbs says, if you see danger ahead and you don't do anything about it, you're a fool. You know, it says, you know, do something. And so, yeah, in a healthy way, if you see that something is going to trigger your situation, then, be kind to yourself and avoid it. It's just that simple.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know, being with certain family members is going to be bad or if being with certain ones are good and you wanna go out of town and be with them or whatever, you know, just be kind to yourself, make the especially in the first several years, you just have to really protect your heart.
Jill LeBlanc:You do.
Charlie LeBlanc:And you have to you're in recovery mode, you're in healing mode, and, you know, you just don't expect more out of you than really what you can have at the time, you know. It takes time. Like if you sprain your ankle, it takes time for it to heal. Don't go try to run a marathon within a week or so. You can take time.
Charlie LeBlanc:Let it heal up really good before you start doing other things.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. Well, I just wanted to read a little bit of this that I came across. It's an article called Holiday Grief, Finding Hope and Comfort in a Season of Sorrow. It says this holiday season, the holiday season can be a bittersweet time. That's so true.
Jill LeBlanc:While many anticipate festival celebrations, family gatherings, and the joy that the holiday often brings, others are deeply aware of the challenges of holiday grief, just like we've been talking. The empty chair, a missing smile, or the absence of someone they cherished. Holiday grief doesn't take a break for Christmas. And for many, this becomes a season of sorrow as the holidays amplify the sense of loss. I remember being at our daughter's home, it was actually down here in Jacksonville, we were still living in St. Louis, we came down for the first Christmas after Beau passed and then our new little six month old grandson was here. So that was really special. But I will never forget helping decorate her tree, and she's got Christmas music playing. And it was oh, was there was one two songs. They were just like daggers.
Jill LeBlanc:One was I'll Be Home for Christmas. Oh, that was tough. And then the other one was It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. Right. Well, when that one came up, I just wanted to run. I just wanted to crawl into the box that the tree came out of or something. You know, it was so difficult.
Charlie LeBlanc:So sorry. That's hard.
Jill LeBlanc:I know.
Charlie LeBlanc:And, you know, let me just make a point there. Different people grieve differently.
Jill LeBlanc:They do.
Charlie LeBlanc:And we were at our daughter's house and this is what she had on and she was decorating the tree and, you know, she was hurting. She she was broken. She misses her brother still to this day terribly, but she had to cope with it the way she coped with it. And for her, the having the music and having the jolly was was therapy for her.
Jill LeBlanc:It was.
Charlie LeBlanc:It was good for her.
Jill LeBlanc:Don't think it at least she didn't say that it affected her.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right. Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:Oh, man. I mean, I just I was I just felt this heaviness come on me and tears begin coming and yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:You've got to be kind.
Jill LeBlanc:The holidays can amplify a sense of loss.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right. Right.
Jill LeBlanc:So yet, even amidst the heartache, there are ways to navigate this time with compassion and find hope and comfort to carry you through. Grief is a deeply personal journey.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yep.
Jill LeBlanc:It looks different for each person and varies from year to year, especially during the holidays. Many who are grieving feel an unspoken pressure to put on a happy face or to be okay for the sake of others. Been there, done that too. But the reality is that Christmas can bring a mix of emotions, joy and sorrow, hope and heartache, laughter and tears. If you're grieving this season, let me assure you, it's okay to feel sad, to cry, and to not be in the mood for holiday cheer. It's okay.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:Jesus himself understood grief. In the Bible, we see that he was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. He wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus, even though he knew he would raise him from the dead. Jesus isn't asking you to hide your pain. Instead, he invites you to bring it to him. Isn't that precious?
Charlie LeBlanc:Praise God. Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:Psalm 34:17 reminds us that the righteous cry out and the Lord hears them. He delivers them from all their trouble. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Charlie LeBlanc:Amen. That's great. That's beautiful stuff. And, you know, we just, again, just wanted to come on and encourage you just two days after Thanksgiving and, encourage you to just be ready for it, you know, prepare yourself as best you can. And we also want to remind you that we did do on November 6, I think it was, we did a live.
Charlie LeBlanc:And so you can find it on YouTube, maybe even on Facebook, where we talked a lot more about finding hope.
Jill LeBlanc:For the holidays.
Charlie LeBlanc:For the holidays. Yeah. So we encourage you to go back and look at that. And I think it will encourage you as well. We're going to continue talking about this probably here and there the next few weeks.
Charlie LeBlanc:So, stay tuned with us. Come back and we'll look forward to sharing more with you. Okay? Well, God bless you and we do love you. Bye bye now.