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Micro wisdom delivered to your ears every morning in voice notes ranging from 3 to 15 minutes long. Wisdom on how to live a healthier and more fulfilling life. Every podcast will ground you in the present moment to ensure you know what's important, the here and now.
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the one day at a time podcast. Take that seriously. Live from now until bedtime. That's all you can do.
Speaker 1:Try your best. Get a bit of a be a bit lighthearted about things. You know? Don't look doom and gloom. Oh my god.
Speaker 1:I had a Mars bar. Jesus Christ almighty. I'm I'm going to I'm going to hell. Norman, do have a Mars bar? Calm down.
Speaker 1:Calm down. Catastrophizing is something that we often do which leads to a stress response. And if you've been listening to this podcast, you know, put putting the stress response on for something so minor is not good. Stress response is mainly designed for actual danger to life, not a bloody Mars bar haunting you on the table. You know?
Speaker 1:So just, put that out there. Now disclaimer on today's topic is gonna talk about, we're gonna cover a book about, it's called the body keeps a score. It talks about trauma, self sabotage, stuff like that. So, obesity, disorder, eating, and stuff. So if you don't wanna listen to this right now, no problem.
Speaker 1:But the reason I bring this topic up is because I had an interesting question recently. Someone said to me, hey, Scott. I've been losing weight. I've been feeling healthier, but this come with the unwanted side effect of attention and compliments. And it makes me want to know eat more because I don't want those compliments and attention.
Speaker 1:Some of you might be thinking, that's a strange thing to worry about. Like, surely that's a good thing you get in attention and compliments. But when I read this book I really saw different sides of these things and I think it's important to really look at what the research says, people's actual stories, the humanity type element. It's very obvious, very simple and straightforward to say, Well, having compliments is good, but it triggers some things in people and it makes them not want the compliments and they eat more and they want to hide away. So let me go through some of the notes from the book, The Body Keeps A Score, some insights from it.
Speaker 1:Some of you might be like, doesn't apply to me. Give me all compliments. Like, tell me I'm amazing. I'm beautiful. Hello.
Speaker 1:Come on. And some of you might be like, I I get it. I get it. So maybe for everyone here to to to have a look at two sides of the coin here. So the first thing is, okay, so in Felitti's Obesity Clinic, here's a quote from the book.
Speaker 1:Overweight means overlooked, and that's the way I needed to be. So a lot of people who were in this obesity clinic were saying, by being overweight, I'm overlooked. I'm invisible, and I want to be invisible. I don't want anyone to touch me, to look at me, to speak to me. Okay?
Speaker 1:It's very it's the opposite of what most people think. People think, well, everyone who is overweight or obese wants to be or whatever, doesn't want to be. Some people want to be because it makes them feel safer because they don't get unwanted attention and stuff like that. Many patients in this obesity clinic revealed childhood sexual abuse or other traumas and losing weight triggered flashbacks, you know, panic or the new unwanted attention which felt as threatening as the original abuse. So that's kind of what they were looking at.
Speaker 1:Okay? And then the ACE study findings or ACE, trauma in childhood, so abuse, neglect, witnessing domestic violence, dramatically raises the risk of obesity, eating disorders, depression, and other long term health issues. And here's a quote from the book. If you mistake someone's solution for a problem to be eliminated, not only are they likely to fail treatment as often happens in addiction programs, but other problems may emerge. So if you mistake someone's solution for a problem, you will mistake someone's obesity or overweight as a problem, but it's their solution.
Speaker 1:You gotta dig into why it's the solution. That's what I mentioned there. So why weight feels safer for some kind of trauma survivors essentially the list around here? So wait can function as like an emotional armor. Okay?
Speaker 1:If someone's been abused, receiving attention, especially sexual or romantic, can trigger terror. Felitti's patient who lost 206 76 pounds only to regain it because a coworker, flirtation, activated old feelings of helplessness and fear. Okay? It's very serious, this. It's not like, oh, it's one person.
Speaker 1:This the the ACE findings had a super strong link from anything traumatic in a childhood. You know, like I mentioned, abuse, neglect, witnessing domestic violence directly increases the risk of obesity, disorder depression, and people wanna hide away when they feel this type of trauma and stuff. Okay? So it's kind of like this actually does happen, and I know some people who maybe have not had experiences. It might be, wow.
Speaker 1:Does it actually does? When I was reading this, I was like, wow. That is that it it is quite crazy if think about it. So the compliment paradox. Why does praise feel threatening?
Speaker 1:Okay. So compliments as a trigger. So when trauma survivors hear you look good, you look so good now or woah, you've lost so much weight, they can experience a jolt of danger or objectification. So their emotional brain, the amygdala, may interpret admiration as a signal of possible harm. If people notice me, I could get hurt again.
Speaker 1:Okay? So quoting the book's author, trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies. But if the body was previously a source of pain or shame, compliments about it kind of like flashbacks or dread. They may they may unconsciously decide, I'd rather be invisible than feel this fear. Okay?
Speaker 1:So the shame and self blame sort of quote in the book, the greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves. A history of abuse can foster distorted beliefs like I deserved it or if I stand out, I'll be targeted again. Compliments might reinforce a haunting feeling of being unsafe. Okay. So going on to the next part is self sabotage.
Speaker 1:Maybe something more of you of more of you can relate to is self sabotage and how does why does this happen? Why does it manifest? Why does it happen? So we revert to old coping behaviors. So overeating, bingeing, quitting exercise can be ways to stay safe.
Speaker 1:So by returning to the body to a less noticeable shape. So a clinical example, a trauma survivor might unconsciously start late night snacking just when people begin complimenting her or him. Okay? This is common. So there's disassociation and feeling numb.
Speaker 1:So from the book, trauma by definition is unbearable and intolerable. It takes tremendous energy to keep functioning whilst carrying the memory of terror and the shame of utter weakness. So overeating or zoning out with food can be an attempt to numb overwhelming emotions, post complement anxiety. Does that make sense? So having compliments things can trigger this overwhelm of emotions and then going to overeating is like something to do to help.
Speaker 1:Okay? And then fear and intimacy. So when you lose weight, might often receive more attention, social, romantic, or sexual. So a quote from the book, children are also programmed to be fundamentally loyal to their caretakers. Terror increases the need for attachment even if the source of comfort is also the source of terror.
Speaker 1:So deep down, the brain equates closeness with potential harm, so it's safer to sabotage progress and avoid intimacy and attention altogether. Does that sound familiar to any of you? You know, definitely look into it if this sounds familiar. The the the sex the the next part is pathways to healing and breaking the cycle. This thing is therapeutic awareness.
Speaker 1:Working with a trauma informed therapist or support group helps identify triggers and painful memories behind the urge to disappear again. Body based practices. So to quote from the book, yoga in India, tai chi, in China, and the rhythmical drumming throughout Africa rely on interpersonal rhythms, visceral awareness, and vocal and facial communication, which help shift people out of fight and flight states, suggesting to do gentle exercise or mindful movement to reduce hyperarousal, build a sense of safety in the body, and dismantle old terror associated with being seen. Okay. So the reason it's called the body keeps the score is because there's a link to bottom up and top down.
Speaker 1:A lot of people think trauma is just top down, just the mind. It's actually the body too in terms of, like, being essentially stuck in the body. So there's a bottom up approach as well. So definitely look into some of those things, yoga, some type of movements, exercises, go through it slowly and try and, you know, get through kind of working with your body again, basically. Next thing is safe relationships and social support.
Speaker 1:Okay. So healing from trauma often involves experiencing safe, non nonjudgmental feedback. Very, very important. Okay? Very, very important.
Speaker 1:This is the same as any behavior change. Nonjudgmental feedback. Nonjudgmental, talking to yourself as well. So you have to explain to your loved ones that compliments might feel triggering. Encourage them to offer support in ways that feel more respectful and non invasive.
Speaker 1:So instead of saying, well done, you've lost weight, you can praise the effort instead like, oh, wow, you've done so much effort today for your health. It's different ways to think about things. And, yeah, you might it's a small change or how yeah. It makes a difference. So, you know, if you do have triggers for compliments, can just tell people.
Speaker 1:Okay? And you can see it in a different way. So when I replied to the person who messaged me, I also said, look, you can see this in other ways as well. Once you get attention, you don't like it and you want to self sabotage, for sure you get healthier and fitter around your loved ones, around your friends, around your coworkers, you are giving off a brighter light. And this light enables others around you to get motivated to take action as well.
Speaker 1:You won't believe how when people see someone in the flesh changing for the better in terms of all parts of their life, it motivates them to do the same. You are gonna be changing lives in ways you can't comprehend by being that light for them. So, yes, it might be something you don't like right now short term, but it's definitely something you wanna overcome because your long term knock on effect to your friends, your family, kids, grandchildren, coworkers is huge. Okay? You really do, knock on the kind of vibes basically to other people.
Speaker 1:So I'm saying that, like, look at it in a slightly different way. You can, overcome it. And on the other side is some big changes for you and your friends and family. So then you wanna be going through some gradual exposure to positive attention. Okay?
Speaker 1:So learning to accept a compliment without panic is a process. Have a response ready. If someone compliments you, you can say thank you very much, or you can say, you know, whatever's comfortable for you. Just have something ready so you can just, you know, don't say, oh, no, because then it reinforces them to speak more about it. Oh, you are.
Speaker 1:My God. Look. Look. Just say, oh, thank you so much. Appreciate the compliment.
Speaker 1:How's your day going? Have a question back that maybe talks about something else. You know, you can you can start small here, but have some kind of grounding technique so when it happens, you're not panicking to know what to say, you have this already there, so your body remains more calm because you already know your response. Okay? So then, obviously, as you get compliments and you reply and it's calmer and calmer and calmer, you're essentially gonna rewire that part of the threat You you were thinking it's a threat, and it's gonna be a bit bit bit better for you over over time.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's kind of the overview of the the of the book in terms of, you know, how it links to compliments and stuff and self sabotage. Think it's very interesting. I think a lot of you may, agree with a lot of it, might you experience a lot of it, some of you might not have. But it's important that we try and, you know, understand all of this because there might be behaviors you're thinking about now, like I don't understand it. And it's not about hyperanalyzing the past, okay?
Speaker 1:There's a balance here, there's a balance where a lot of people want to go to therapy a lot and talk a lot and a lot and a lot and bring up a lot and lot. And some people on the other side of the spectrum are like, get on with it. I'm living day to day and I am in control. I am my free will. I'm not dictated by my past.
Speaker 1:But there's a there's a middle ground. Okay? There's core beliefs we all have. There's beliefs we have about nutrition and training and health in general and about ourselves, and we might not know about them until we see them in action. Okay?
Speaker 1:So a lot of you will have a core belief that this food is bad, these foods are bad, and you will you will work from that for the rest of your life. So then you can have bad reactions because when you eat these foods, when you're on holiday or eating out, you're gonna have a bad reaction. You're gonna think you're bad, and it goes down that route, okay, to catastrophize. And so there's definitely things we can learn day to day, but you gotta catch them in the moment. You gotta look for them.
Speaker 1:And don't judge yourself when you find them. It's about being aware. Like like, see these emotions. See these, things happening, like a kid running up to you and trying to tell you a story of something that's happened. You're listening with intrigue, basically.
Speaker 1:You're listening. You're attentive. You don't know what's coming out of their mouth next, but you're not you're not never going, oh, that's you're not saying, oh my god. Don't be stupid. Are you like you it's like you're in wonder.
Speaker 1:You're like, oh, really? Wow. You, like, really let them express what they're trying to say, even as crazy as some of the things they say, but you let them fully express. And that's how you gotta think about these things that come in your brain. You gotta basically see them, let them flower, and let them let them die, like, naturally.
Speaker 1:Okay? Don't like it comes in the brain, and you immediately attack it. This is good or bad. You already have stopped it revealing itself to you in the moment. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:And I think that's about, like, this awareness stuff. You know, meditation, people say it helps with this and being aware of your thoughts and stuff each day. It's about trying to be tranquil or tranquilo, as they say in Portuguese. Tranquila as a a woman, tranquilo as a guy. So being tranquil and still and being curious about these things that pop in and then being able to understand yourself more is is just the main part of this journey.
Speaker 1:Like, a lot of you are joining the app to lose weight initially, but it's it's a lifelong process beyond that. Managing your weight, managing your desires, managing your appetite, understanding your behaviors in terms of nutrition first, and getting your steps in. This is like the cornerstone, but also the gateway to future personal development in other areas of your life. Often people start here because it's tangible, you can do it and it's here and now, and then you start realizing you can take this philosophy and adopt it to other parts of your life. A lot and a lot of people I've helped over the years and spoken to have had very similar stories where they came for the weight loss and then they ended up leaving their job as a corporate lawyer, went into work for a charity, a lawyer for a charity, or they've quit this job and changed career completely, or they've moved home or left a relationship they really knew didn't didn't suit them and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:So I'm not saying, like, quit your job or leave your partners, you know, but, you know, eventually, these step by step processes and awareness of who you are and who and, really, what you want in your life is gonna help you change things in the future. But you gotta stick with it. You've to take it day by day. A lot of this stuff is hard to comprehend when you're thinking about months and years. It's like, well, trying to think of everything in one go.
Speaker 1:Just live day to day, be very aware and attentive day to day, hit your targets and maybe journal and start having some curiosity and wonder about your own mind and how it works. Read the book yourself every day. When you go to bed, you probably learn one new thing a day, you hit your targets, your body is improving health, and your mind starts kinda chasing up and improving as well, and it all starts coming together. But thanks for listening. Speak to you all tomorrow.