Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

Practical insights to help you communicate with more intention in everyday moments.

What’s the difference between reacting and responding? How do you move from memorizing your words to truly conversing in the moment? And how do you keep growing as a communicator in everyday moments?

Communication isn’t about having the perfect script. It’s about staying present enough to respond with intention. In fast-moving conversations, emotions rise, thoughts race, and structure can disappear. Yet it’s in the pause — the breath before we speak — that clarity begins.

In this Ask Matt Anything episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Matt Abrahams shares highlights from a recent live AMA inside the Think Fast, Talk Smart Learning Community. Listener questions open the door to practical strategies for navigating emotional conversations, relying on structure rather than memorization, and building communication habits that actually stick. Because becoming a better communicator isn’t about getting it perfect — it’s about making small, intentional choices every day.

Episode Reference Links:
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Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (02:40) - From Reacting to Responding
  • (04:34) - Memorization vs. Spontaneous Speaking
  • (09:44) - Growing Vocabulary
  • (13:43) - Asking for Better Feedback
  • (19:17) - Value of the Learning Community
  • (23:40) - Conclusion

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Creators and Guests

Host
Matt Abrahams
Lecturer Stanford University Graduate School of Business | Think Fast Talk Smart podcast host

What is Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques?

One of the most essential ingredients to success in business and life is effective communication.

Join Matt Abrahams, best-selling author and Strategic Communication lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he interviews experts to provide actionable insights that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact. From handling impromptu questions to crafting compelling messages, Matt explores practical strategies for real-world communication challenges.

Whether you’re navigating a high-stakes presentation, perfecting your email tone, or speaking off the cuff, Think Fast, Talk Smart equips you with the tools, techniques, and best practices to express yourself effectively in any situation. Enhance your communication skills to elevate your career and build stronger professional relationships.

Tune in every Tuesday for new episodes. Subscribe now to unlock your potential as a thoughtful, impactful communicator. Learn more and sign up for our eNewsletter at fastersmarter.io.

Matt Abrahams: Ready, set, go.

Let's get into some communication
conundrums and questions.

I'm Matt Abrahams and I teach
strategic communication at Stanford

Graduate School of Business.

Welcome to this Quick Thinks Ask
Matt Anything episode of Think

Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast.

One of the many, many things I love
about the Think Fast Talk Smart Learning

Community is interacting with our members.

I do this through posts, comments,
and discussions, along with author

talks and AMAs, Ask Matt Anythings.

Today I'm sharing a portion of
a recent Learning Community AMA.

Listen in to learn about moving from
reacting to responding, memorizing

to conversing, and how to integrate
these tips into your everyday life.

And consider joining the Learning
Community at fastersmarter.io/learning

to ask your questions live.

So let's get to it.

Learning Community Member 1:
Uh, I'm in Switzerland actually.

Matt Abrahams: Oh, excellent.

Love to hear your question, please.

Learning Community Member 1:
I try to use the structure

what, now what, so what, a lot.

And if I prepare myself,
it works quite well.

And then the conversation starts,
and I guess I'm a very emotional

guy and I can be very impulsive.

Once my values are hurt, I start to
become a little bit destructive and I

just lose control about every structure,
say a few things then make some stupid

comments, and then I find difficulties
how to control that situation.

Matt Abrahams: What I'd like to suggest
is a few things, and you can let me

know if you think they work, and in
fact, you can try them out and then

write me inside the Learning Community
and we can engage in a conversation.

For me at least, and what the research
suggests, is if you can give yourself

a little bit of distance from the
offending act, whatever it is,

somebody says something that upsets
you, somebody disrespects you in some

way, if you can give yourself a little
bit of space, you can then make a

more conscious decision rather than
just respond with whatever comes up.

So how can you do that?

Well, a couple things.

One, you can literally ask for it.

You can say, I wasn't expecting that,
or, wow, that didn't feel so good.

Gimme a moment, and just ask for it.

Now, that might feel weird to do, but
it gives you a second, and in that

moment you can take a deep breath.

You can recognize, hey, this is me
feeling really upset at this moment,

or this is me feeling very confused,
and giving that distance, that

psychological distance, can help.

So I think the bottom line here, Florian,
is if you can buy yourself just a little

bit of time, you can think a little
bit more, react rather than respond.

I make a difference between those two.

React is to act again, meaning you
think about it and then you act, respond

is just to immediately do something.

What I'm hearing is that you respond
quickly and maybe buying yourself

some time to react will help.

Other questions that folks might have?

Learning Community Member 2: Yeah.

Matt, I have a question.

Matt Abrahams: Please.

Learning Community Member 2: So I'm
very fascinated with this idea of improv

speaking and, uh, impromptu speaking.

So I did a TEDx talk about two years
ago and that was all memorization

and it was all memory palace.

And I did a pretty okay
job at it, I think.

Do you suggest I use the basic trainings
I got with memory palace and how to

adjust that so that I can actually
speak coherently, but also not be

so fixated on that cognitive load,
which is exactly my stumbling blocks.

Matt Abrahams: I love this question.

First and foremost, congratulations
on focusing on this.

Many people are just so glad to figure
out a way to get information out.

They're not looking to be more
in the moment and spontaneous.

Congratulations on giving a TEDx talk.

There are times where you are
in a situation where you have

to say something exactly right.

Imagine a medical professional, a legal
professional, a politician, where it is

really important to get it exactly right.

And in those cases, if you don't have
notes or a teleprompter, then using some

kind of memory aid can be really helpful.

Now, for those of you who aren't familiar,
the memory palace is a technique.

It's a technique of using spatial
location to help us remember.

Human beings, our species, is
really good at spatial location, and

there are whole theories as to why.

And so the spatial palace has you put,
in your mind's eye, information in

locations that are very familiar for you.

So the reason it's called palace, it
often is done with a home or a setting.

So if I am trying to learn something
and really make sure I remember

it, I think about my childhood
home, the house I grew up in.

I know the layout very well in my mind.

And in each room or area of the house,
I put a concept, an idea, some words.

It helps me remember because
I'm associating the information

I want to communicate with a
location I'm very familiar with.

So essentially I'm piggybacking
or hitchhiking on my brain's

ability to remember location well.

And so I just wanna make sure everybody
understood what we were talking about

when we were talking about memory palace.

It's a very useful technique.

In fact, there are memory competitions.

There's a great book called
Walking on the Moon with Einstein.

It's about a journalist who was really
fascinated by these memory competitions

and so much so that he actually started
entering them and ended up becoming a

national or international memory champion.

How can we feel more comfortable
getting through material spontaneously?

I really believe the answer
is structure and practice.

Structure as we were just talking about.

What, so what, now what,
is an example of structure.

There are many problem, solution,
benefit, past, present, future,

comparison, contrast, conclusion.

Lots of different structures.

A structure provides a roadmap like a GPS.

It is hard to get lost
if you have a structure.

So by knowing my structure well, let's say
I want to use problem, solution, benefit.

I'm trying to persuade people.

I know the problem well,
I've thought about it.

I've done research, whatever.

I know the problem well.

The solution is something I really believe
in, so I also know that well, and I've

thought about how I and others benefit.

So by having those different parts of
the structure known well, because I've

thought about, spent time doing it, when
I'm in the process of delivering the

communication, and if for some reason I
feel a little lost or concerned, I simply

have to say, okay, I just talked about the
problem, I know solution always follows.

So that's how a structure
provides a roadmap.

Now, if you go from memorizing or
using a technique like the memory

palace to just relying on structure,
it can feel like a big leap.

And that's why practice in low
stake situations is important.

So I wouldn't do this on a TED or
a TEDx stage for the first time.

But I might do it in a PTA meeting or
in a team meeting when I'm presenting.

So you have to practice
and relying on structure.

And a third thing that I do that
really helps me, and for some people

this works and for others it doesn't,
is I use questions as triggers.

So if I were using problem, solution,
benefit, I might start my persuasive

presentation meeting contribution by
saying there's a fundamental challenge

that we have, and I'd like to ask
all of you, how can we solve it?

So you see how I'm asking myself
a question and because I know the

answer to the question, it helps me
get into the structure I want to use.

So when I lecture my students,
I never say, today we're

going to cover three points.

I always say we're going to answer
three questions today, and then I pose

the question as a trigger to help me
remember the structure that I want to use.

So let me pause there.

Do you think leveraging structure and
perhaps questions would be helpful

to you, uh, in these circumstances?

Learning Community Member 2: Absolutely.

That really gave me great context.

Thanks, Matt.

Learning Community Member 3: My question
will be more about the preparation.

I believe that my main challenge for
public speaking is having something

interesting to say, especially
when I'm part of Toast Masters at

McGill University here in Montreal.

My challenge is that first
of all, I'm French speaking.

I like to practice my public speaking
in English so that I will grow,

I will increase my vocabulary,
grammar, and everything in English.

My challenge is that I sometimes lack
the vocabulary, obviously, when I

want to say some, uh, when I'm, I'm
presenting or speaking, and I know that

I just have to increase listening to
podcast, reading, et cetera, et cetera.

But my other challenge is structure,
organize my day, so that I still find

time to, to find some time of learning.

I'm just curious and have my own business
in PR, but I know I have to keep on

learning and learning each and every day.

Because just as you said, it's
a way of training your brain.

And make sure that you grow in your
knowledge and your also your speaking.

Matt Abrahams: I like that you are
thinking about improving communication,

not just by doing it, and practice
is really important, but by learning

skills, the why behind the what,
and listening to shows like Think

Fast Talk Smart, reading books, can
be very helpful to building that.

And then the other thing I liked
that you said is the building into

your daily routine ways to learn
and practice communication skills.

Many of us think that communication
is when we're standing up in a meeting

or giving a big presentation or pitch,
but we're communicating all the time.

The way in which we communicate and the
things we say and the order in which we

say it, all of that can be instructive.

So when you're having a family meal and
you're talking with your children, or when

you are talking with a neighbor, there
are things you can be thinking about and

working on that will help you in those
more formal types of communication.

It's about intent.

It's just about thinking.

The best way to be engaged in
communication is to be curious.

It's about being
interested, not interesting.

And so if you can focus on asking
questions, paraphrasing to show that

you've heard what the person says,
giving people more space to talk.

You might have heard me tell this
story about my mother-in-law.

She was a black belt in small talk,
and she would simply say, tell me more.

So as part of a conversation,
she would give somebody space.

And when you do that, you then find
interesting things to talk about.

So we put a lot of pressure on
ourselves to be interesting and if we're

interested, the interesting will follow.

So ask questions, paraphrase,
give people space to talk, and

you'll make a big difference.

Every night before I go to bed.

I spend a minute thinking about
one thing that went well in my

communication that day, and one
thing that I was not as pleased

with, something I'd like to work on.

And every Sunday I go back and I look
at the list and I make a plan for

the week ahead to work on that skill.

So this week, something I did last
week, I was part of a conversation and

I didn't feel that I listened very well.

I was rushed and I had an agenda in mind
and I don't feel I listened very well.

So this week I'm really
working on my listening skills.

Who knows what I'll work on next week,
but, uh, that's how I have incorporated

working on communication into my life.

I know other people who have
a trusted other, uh, if you

will, a communication buddy.

And at the end of meetings, regular
meetings, like maybe team meetings,

they'll sit down with their buddy, their
partner, and they'll just say, hey, gimme

one strength and one thing to strengthen.

So they build in feedback close
to the actual communication,

so it's fresh in their minds.

Sarah, I see your hand came up.

Happy to hear from you.

Learning Community Member 4: Yes.

I just wanted to reflect
on what you were saying.

When asking for feedback you just
ask the person, but you don't

ask them just for a feedback.

You tell them, I'm focusing on improving
this part or like talking or the body

language or a specific category or a
specific topic that you're working on,

and then asking this person to focus on
that part that you're working on during

a meeting or during a presentation.

And then they give you a feedback on that.

So I think this is a very good method.

I've read about it, I really like it.

Matt Abrahams: And I really
appreciate you sharing that, Sarah.

Sarah, where in the world are you?

Learning Community Member 4: Egypt.

Matt Abrahams: Egypt.

Wonderful.

Thank you.

There's a whole bunch of research and a
lot of experts make the same suggestion.

When asking for feedback it is
very important to be specific

about the feedback you want.

Giving feedback is hard.

And if you make it easy for people,
people will often take the easiest route.

If I just say, do you have any
feedback for me, it's the easiest

route is to say, no, it was good.

That's easy.

It's not confrontational.

So being specific, what are one or
two things I could do to help make

this meeting run more effectively?

Do you hear how that's a much more
specific ask, and it can be very helpful.

Now, the other thing that's super
helpful when asking for feedback is

to demonstrate that you heard the
feedback, doesn't mean you agree

with it, and to try to act on it.

People are much more likely to give
you feedback if they feel like you're

really listening and that you're
really trying to make adjustments.

Absolutely.

And Sarah, I really appreciate that.

Let me ask one question and then I
think we'll bring this to a close.

I'm curious if you have had a time
to explore the Learning Community.

And I'm curious to find what you
are finding valuable from it.

There are so many different
features that will be helpful.

We have our quests, which are guided
opportunities to learn a particular skill

that go for a certain number of days.

So any one quest has challenges in it.

We just did a quest
together on small talk.

But we have lessons, these
are asynchronous videos

that cover different topics.

We'll be releasing a new
lesson every so often.

In fact, our next one is coming out soon.

We have author talks.

I just spoke with a mentor of mine,
Patricia Ryan Madson, fantastic.

You can watch the, the recording of that.

We have AI tools.

We have one you type into that responds,
and then we have one you can talk to.

It's like having a conversation
with me, and lots of other things.

I'm just curious if one or two of you'd
be willing to share what you're finding

value in in the Learning Community,
because we'd like to bring you more of it.

Learning Community Member 2: So,
I really love the author talks.

It was really good.

Matt Abrahams: Oh, great.

Thank you.

Learning Community Member 2: I
did tune into the recent one.

And I think it has a lot of great content.

I just, timewise, it's
just a lot to get through.

Matt Abrahams: Yes, of course.

Learning Community Member 2: But
I was just curious if you thought

of maybe having or implementing
something like a collaborative.

Matt Abrahams: Tell me more about this.

Learning Community Member 2: I find that I
learn better when I am in a group setting,

or at least with one or two other people.

And it fosters, because we're
talking about communication,

it fosters that communication.

And I think I could maybe learn new
things from a few people who might

wanna join a pod of, or a smaller pod.

Matt Abrahams: Absolutely, yes, and 100%,
we learn best when we work together.

Thank you for sharing that.

The goal of the quests is to try to
do that, you can do it on your own.

There will be times where we
will organize them like we just

did with the one on small talk.

But also you have every right in
the Learning Community itself to

post and say, I'm interested in,
hey, there's this quest on whatever.

I'm interested in doing it, and
see if other people will join you.

So I'm not saying, I'm not trying to put
it all on you by any means, we will try to

facilitate some of this, uh, on a regular
basis, but you also have the opportunity.

Part of what I'm hoping happens in the
Learning Community is people who have

similar goals, and everybody has different
communication goals, can find each other.

But I love that idea.

Other thoughts about
the Learning Community?

Learning Community Member 4: Yes, for
the small talk, the quest, it was really

up to, I couldn't attend all the, the
calls like after the quest, the next

day, but I watched the recording, so
it was really nice to hear from people

when they said what they had practiced
and to do what, like what they did

during these exercises, small exercise.

And what I liked as well, like today
for example, there was, I think it

was about the movement and engaging
with your audience, and I just

posted a question because it was
talking about, uh, presenting in

real life, not online or virtual.

And I was asking about how to do
it virtually and to have this,

the same thing, like do it online.

And I got an answer like an hour after.

So, so the support there is very amazing.

Matt Abrahams: Yes, everybody
has expertise in communication.

We've all been doing it for a long time,
so I love that other people are sharing.

I am certainly not the only
voice that needs to be listened

to or should be listened to.

And thank you for taking the
time to join, not just the

community, but for joining today.

I hope you took value.

I challenge all of you to continue
to explore and do the work.

We have another author talk
coming up on February 12th.

I'll be talking to my friend
and linguist, Valerie Fridland,

one of my favorite episodes.

I was talking to her.

And then I will do another,
ask me anything towards the

end of the month in February.

So the goal is to have one author talk and
one AMA a month in the Learning Community

as well as some of the other things.

So please take, uh, advantage
of it and I appreciate that.

I see there's one more quick
comment before we wrap up.

Learning Community Member 3: Yes.

It was just about the, the quest, I
really like the fact that we can, I

can take some time to pause and think.

And the quest really is really
helpful in the, the, the

reflection, the introspection.

I don't know if that's
the word in English.

Thinking about, uh, what are the skills,
the tips, the things that I already

have that I can put into, uh, action
to improve my, my public speaking.

Or tools that I could, uh,
learn or improve, et cetera.

And I really also enjoyed the, the books.

Um, it's interesting to discover the
type of books that we can read or

the type of authors or books that
we can, or maybe authors we can

follow, or books that we can read.

Because sometimes it's about like, there's
a lot of, uh, knowledge around the world,

everywhere about communication, sometime
you don't really know where to look, so

it's good if, with what you are doing
with the book club, it's like giving

us some kind of roadmap or some ideas.

Matt Abrahams: Absolutely.

In, in the chat on the fastersmarter.io
site, which is the site for the

podcast, uh, we have a whole book list.

These are books from our guests and all
of them have to do with communication

in some way, shape, or form.

Thank you for joining us for this
Quick Thinks Ask Matt Anything episode.

To join our next AMA Live, sign up
for our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning

Community at fastersmarter.io/learning.

This episode was produced by Katherine
Reed, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams.

Our music is from Floyd Wonder.

With thanks to Podium Podcast Company.

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