Chovos HaLevavos | Rabbi Zvi Davidson (Yeshivat Kerem B'Yavneh)

── Shiur Outline ──
(18:48) Advertising Luxury Items and Torah Perspective
(22:21) Grandparents' Frugality vs Modern Comfort
(23:59) Shlomi's Fancy Lights: Avoiding Showmanship
(25:20) Stingy Man’s Shidduch Lesson
(26:59) Regret, Generosity, and Divine Bounty

AI-Generated Summary (AI can be inaccurate. Check important information):

In Chovot HaLevavot, the role of supporting others is presented as a profound nisayon (test) that challenges a person's integrity and spiritual perspective. One major pitfall is the temptation to provide for one's family or employees through dishonest means, yet the author emphasizes that the same sustenance decreed by Heaven would have been attained through honest efforts without violating the Torah. A second mistake is failing to recognize that wealth is divided into three parts—one's own needs, the needs of dependents, and a "deposit" intended for others—which leads to unnecessary stinginess or a false sense of ownership over surplus funds. Ultimately, one must realize that wealth is a tool for serving God and providing a sense of bounty to others rather than an excuse for trickery or self-indulgent spending.

1. Wealth as a test — Having the means to support others is a specific nisayon (test) intended to see if a person will serve Hashem or rebel.
2. Danger of the "Boss" mentality — A person in a position of power, like a sar tzava (army commander), may wrongly feel they are the ultimate source of their employees' livelihood.
3. Honesty under pressure — The heavy burden of supporting a family or employees must never lead to drachim megunim (dishonorable ways) like stealing or lying.
4. Guaranteed vs. Earned Parnassah — Minimal sustenance for oneself is guaranteed by Hashem, but the extra wealth needed to support others is a privilege that must be earned through merit and chessed.
5. The "Deposit" principle — Surplus wealth beyond one's personal and family needs is often a pikadon (deposit) from Hashem, meant for a specific future purpose or individual.
6. Living within one's means — Just because one has the financial capacity for luxury doesn't mean it is the correct path; one should aim for yirat shamayim (fear of Heaven) rather than showing off.
7. The mistake of stinginess — Being a tzar ayin (stingy person) can stifle the joy and spiritual growth of one's family, failing to reflect Hashem's attribute of bounty.
8. Rectification is possible — It is never too late to change one's mindset from scarcity and stinginess to one of generosity and love, as seen in the story of the remarried man.

What is Chovos HaLevavos | Rabbi Zvi Davidson (Yeshivat Kerem B'Yavneh)?

Shiurim by Rav Davidson in KBY.

Enjoyed? Your feedback means a lot to us. Click here to email us: https://tinyurl.com/thanksEN

Donations: https://www.kby.org/english/support-us/?id=46

We're in חובת הלבבות,

we're in פרק ד.

ולפעמים מפרנס הבורא בני אדם רבים על ידי אדם אחד.

Sometimes it happens that a person is more wealthy and he has the merit,

opportunity,

to be supporting other people.

כדי להבחין על ידי כך אם אדם זה עובד את השם או ממרה אותו.

And that's also a test.

We spoke once before here in this book about how the כל זמן ועת

עת לאהוב עת לשנוא,

Hashem gives you many different times of how your life situations,

and every one is a test of how you're going to be serving Hashem.

So if you're in a position where you're needy,

that's obviously a test of Hashem,

how you're going to relate to Hashem by the fact that you're suffering and

you're needy.

If you're in a position where you're supporting others,

it's also a test.

What's your mindset going to be when you're in the position of supporting other

people?

It's a test.

Are you going to serve Hashem?

Are you going to go against him?

הבורא עושה לו דבר זה לאמצעי ניסיון אמצעי פיתוי חזק ביותר.

Hashem gives you the role of supporting other people to give you a very,

very big test,

which is which is huge.

You have this sense of like I'm the בעל הבית.

I get to determine,

I decide,

I'm telling them how much they're going to earn,

how much they're going to make,

what they have to do.

למשל,

for example,

you have someone who's in charge of a group of soldiers,

שר צבא,

or יועץ המלך אשר סביבם מסתופפים עבדיהם שמשיהם פקידיהם נשיהם קרוביהם.

And underneath them you have a boss and underneath the boss is the people,

the employees who work for him and their families.

You have a מפקד and underneath him is the חיילים.

וכדי לפרנס את כל הכיתות הללו המסתופפים סביבם הם משתדלים לחזר אחרי אמצעים שאפשר

לצבור על ידם הון ומבלי לדקדק אם האמצעים האלה הם הגונים או לא.

So one first test is if you're responsible for other people and you feel

that yoke of responsibility,

you're always going to be wanting to help them and support them.

How are you going to get your money?

Are you going to get it in an honest way,

in a not honest way?

There are sometimes people who are good will and good intention people and what

all they want to do is support their family.

That's all they want to do.

You're a father,

you have kids,

you want to support your family.

And the pressure of needing to support your family חס ושלום,

חס ושלום,

could cause a person to say whatever it takes,

whatever it takes.

Like Robin Hood,

if you need to steal from the rich to give to the poor,

that's what you're going to do because you have to support the family.

And from a Torah perspective that's against the הלכה.

And even though it seems like morally just,

like why do they have so much more money?

It's not fair.

Let the people who are more poor have the money.

Okay,

but that doesn't justify stealing.

You can't go against הקדוש ברוך הוא's will.

So one test of a person who is מפרנס others is is he going

to do it in a ישר way?

Is he going to take care of those people but in a way which

is in line with Hashem?

And there are three mistakes that a person like this could make.

טעות אחת שהוא לוקח את ההון שהבורא גזר שיקח אותו בדרכים מגונים ורעים ואילו

היה מחפש אותם בדרכים ההגונים היה גם כן מגיע לשאיפתו רצונו והיה יוצא ידי

חובות שהתורה מטילה עליו והיה טוב לו בעולם הזה ולא היה חסר לו מאומה.

Many years ago I once saw a movie.

This is talking about at least twenty-seven years ago,

right?

And there was a movie,

it was a silly movie,

a childish movie,

immature movie.

I don't recommend watching it.

If you've seen it you'll laugh but it's not worth going back there.

But I just remember this scene of a villain,

there was a villain in this scene who all he wanted to do was

make money.

And he was like running a whole business but in a way of like

crookery.

And then I don't know what happened,

I don't remember the details,

I don't think I watched the whole thing,

but then he got like frozen in time or something.

Or he got like and he was out of action or he was in

prison,

I don't know,

he was out of action for a while.

And then when he came back,

then he like he saw all the people who were underneath him and he

said I've got a plan.

And he was going to take someone ransom and he was going to demand

a million dollars.

That was his plan that he wanted to do,

a million dollars.

And then they were saying to him like we run a business now that

you started but while you were away we took we kept it going.

And now like without taking any ransom we're making more than a million dollars

a year just in a ישר way.

So he's like really upset by that.

He was like no,

no,

no,

okay fine,

so we'll do it in a non-ישר way and we'll ask for more money.

And they're like why?

We're making more money in a ישר way.

We don't need to do but he was a villain at nature.

Like he had to do things in a crooked way.

It didn't make a difference that you could do things in a straight way

and you could actually be more successful.

Like he was he was programmed that you have to do it like this.

And you say to him like why don't you there are people you meet

people and they're always like making up a story and then what are they

going to tell people?

Like because they can't say what happened,

they have to like make up a story and why it happened like that.

And you say why don't you just say straight what happened?

You can't say straight what happened because that you know I don't know what

would happen.

If you say straight then I don't know you wouldn't look so good maybe.

So you have to find,

how can I sell it to them?

How can I tell them what's really happening in a way that they'll buy

it?

And it's just not work,

it's just not working.

They know you're lying,

you know you're lying,

everyone's going along with this game.

But just be ישר,

just be honest and be straight.

Isn't that going to work better?

So I remember that scene in that movie of him saying,

no,

I don't care about making more money in a ישר way,

even if we have to earn less,

but we have to do it in a crooked way because that's just the

way he was working.

And some people they're like that,

they have to be backwards,

they have to be doing things in a way that's trickery because they feel

they're going to be more successful in a trickery way.

It's a big mistake.

If you believe that הקדוש ברוך הוא runs the world and He's מפרנס כל

אחד ואחד,

then you will be able to support your family.

I hear the pressure,

I hear the pressure.

You have kids,

kids are getting married,

there's pressure,

you need to have money,

I hear the pressure.

But that doesn't mean do things in a trickery way.

That doesn't mean lying,

cheating,

stealing.

Someone just told me that they have this whole trick how they put some

things on their name,

some things on their wife's name,

some things on their son's name for taxes and all different things.

And I said,

is it according to the הלכה?

And they go,

what do you mean is it according to the הלכה?

I have to support my family.

So I didn't understand how their answer answered my question.

מה הקשר?

You have to support your family,

but is it according to the הלכה?

So this is the mistake number one,

דרכים מגונים ורעים.

If he would look to support his family in a ישר way,

הגון way,

he would get to the same goal.

He would get to his שאיפה and his רצון והיה יוצא ידי חובת התורה

שמוטלת עליו והיה טוב לו בעולם הזה ולא היה חסר לו מאומה מדברי הבורא

שגזר שיהיה לו.

Does it make any sense that if Hashem determined you have a certain amount,

that the only way you can get to that amount is in a crooked

illegal way?

Does that make sense?

That doesn't make sense.

The amount that Hashem determined that you need to get to,

you will get to.

It might not be enough.

Okay,

that's what Hashem determined.

But you say no I need more,

so maybe you can get more if you do things in a ישר way,

work harder,

work harder.

If you want more work harder,

but it's not going to work to be crooked and get more money in

this world and in the next world.

That's the first mistake people make.

They feel responsible for the people underneath them,

their family,

their employees,

they do it in a non-ישר way.

הטעות השנייה שחושב שכל הרכוש שהגיע לידיו ניתן לו לצורך מחייתו הוא ומתוך כך

אינו צרה מלתת ממנו משהו לאף אדם ואינו מבין שפרנסתו מתחלקת לשלושה חלקים.

We'll get to this in a second.

So you have a certain amount of money.

Now that you have that money,

so what does that mean?

Does that mean that's your money to spend on whatever you want?

Does that mean that now you've got this money,

you need to spend it?

You know there's sometimes you get points,

and if you don't use your points by the end of the year,

or you get free days,

you know like days you can take off work,

right?

And if you don't use those points,

those free days by the end of the year then they're lost.

They're lost,

they vanish.

So you have this mad rush at the end of the year that I

have to buy something,

otherwise I'm going to lose the points,

I have to buy something.

So they're buying things they don't need or taking off days they don't need.

Now there it makes sense,

because it's money which is yours,

it really is yours,

and if you don't spend it it's just going to go to waste.

So there it makes sense that you have this sense of I have to

spend all the money.

But that's not true with your פרנסה that you have.

If you have a certain amount of money then is the mindset,

my father told me recently,

he said Tzvi I've joined SKY.

I said SKY?

He said yeah I joined SKY.

What,

Sky News?

He said no I joined SKY.

I said what's SKY?

He said Spend Your Kids' Inheritance.

SKY.

Like why should I leave it all to you?

I worked hard for it,

I have to live a good life.

Just kidding,

just kidding.

But it makes sense,

the mindset,

you know?

You have all this money,

you have all this money so have fun,

spend it.

Oh,

I haven't spent all my money yet,

quick!

Go to Las Vegas,

there they help you spend all your money very quickly.

Find a way to spend your money,

you have to find a way.

So the mistake people make is that if I have the money,

I have to spend it.

It's a mistake people make.

It's like when you go to a hotel and there's food.

So you've paid for all you can eat,

right?

You can take.

So I have to try every dish that's here because I'm in the hotel

and I've paid for it already,

so I have to try.

So you see people taking like this and this and this and this and

they come to their table and they're like how are you going to eat

all of that?

And they don't eat all of it,

they taste this,

taste this,

and they have mounds of food left over.

Why?

Because the opportunity to take it all was there,

so I had to take everything.

So if you have all that money,

does that mean you have to spend all that money,

you have to find a way to spend it all?

That's a mistake people make.

If I have it all I have to spend it all.

There was a big צדיק in America,

his name was Rabbi Yaakov Yosef Herman.

So he,

there was the crash in...

1929 was it?

29.

כנגד the pogrom in ארץ ישראל.

So there was the,

called the Great Depression?

The Great Depression.

So he was very wealthy until that point,

and then there was the Great Depression,

and he had ten thousand dollars left,

which is quite a significant sum but not enough for,

you know,

the whole life.

So he had ten thousand dollars left.

So he said,

so what am I going to do now?

So he quickly went to the bank,

he drew the ten thousand dollars,

and he wired it to ישיבת ברונוביץ in Europe,

where רב אלחנן was the ראש ישיבה.

And someone said to him,

why did you do that?

That's the last thing you should be doing now.

So he said that the גמרא says that when you see that you're having

a hard time financially,

you should give צדקה.

So חז״ל say,

and why did חז״ל say that?

He says because if you see this money is yours and you clench your

hand,

"I have to hold on to my money",

then כביכול מידה כנגד מידה the הקדוש ברוך הוא clenches as well.

But if you say that "I see that the money is hard,

so I have to show הקדוש ברוך הוא that I'm using the money for

His will," so הקדוש ברוך הוא will say "I'm going to give you also."

Now there's a question you could ask on this,

right?

The הלכה says that if you're poor you're not allowed to give more than

a fifth.

Good question,

צריך עיון.

But that's what חז״ל say.

They don't say about the fifth,

but they say that if you're having a hard time financially,

you should give צדקה.

So a person who has money and he has the mindset,

"It's all mine," and he's holding on to it as if it's all his,

then that's a mistake.

אם הוא צר מלהיטיב ממנו למישהו אחר.

If he's stingy in giving to others,

he has to learn the following lesson:

that your money is actually made up of three parts.

חלק אחד פרנסת מחייתו הניתנת לו לשם כלכלת גופו בלבד ופרנסה זו מובטחת היא

מהשם לכל נברא אשר רוח חיים עד סוף ימיו.

There's a certain amount which is just for you what you need,

which הקדוש ברוך הוא as long as you're alive,

as long as you're alive הקדוש ברוך הוא says that I'm giving to you

that amount that you need to live.

חלק השני פרנסה הניתנת לו לצורך מחייתם של אחרים.

There's another amount of money that השם gives you for your wife,

for your kids,

for your employees,

for all the people who rely on you,

and that's the second amount that you have.

פרנסה זו אינה מובטחת מהשם לכל הברואים.

השם doesn't always give enough money to every person for everything that they need

to provide for other people.

היא ניתנת רק ליחידי סגולה שיש סיבות מיוחדות לכך.

You have to earn it,

you have to be worthy of it.

הגלויות וידועות להשם.

And השם only knows who's worthy and who's not for what reasons.

And that פרנסה sometimes comes,

sometimes goes.

You don't always have a guarantee you're going to have enough money for your

wife and for your kids,

and not for all your employees either.

לפעמים היא לא מצויה לו בהתאם למה שמחייב מהלך משפטי הבורא.

הקדוש ברוך הוא has חסד,

He has דין,

He has a way that He works the world.

You're not always going to have enough money for your family,

take it into account.

עת עשיר עת עני.

You're going to have times where you're going to be wealthy,

that's a test,

times where you're going to be poor,

that's also a test.

That's the second part.

והחלק השלישי,

what's the third part?

פרנסה שהיא בגדר הון רכוש שאין לאדם תועלת בו.

There's an extra amount which is not for you to benefit from.

What you need for you,

benefit from.

What you need for your family,

for your employees,

benefit from.

There's a third amount which is not there for you to benefit from.

It's a deposit.

הוא שומר עליו מטפח אותו עד אשר יוריש אותו לאחרים או עד שיאבד ממנו.

That amount is for you to hold on to.

It's either going to be inherited by other people,

it's going to get lost somehow.

There's a story,

not Reichman but the father of Reichman,

who was also called Reichman,

but his father.

When in 1939,

when or beginning of '40,

when the Germans came into Hungary,

so,

no that was later,

that was '44,

so this was earlier,

this was I don't remember which country it was in,

but whichever country it was in,

which was earlier,

earlier than that.

So they were looking for him because he was a גביר.

He was known to be a גביר in the town,

and they wanted to take the רבנים and the גבירים so that there wouldn't

be any הנהגה.

So בסייעתא דשמיא that he wasn't in town that שבת.

There was a בר מצווה of his son and his father-in-law was elderly and

couldn't come to the בר מצווה,

so they went somewhere else to celebrate the בר מצווה with the father-in-law,

which was a big חסד they were doing for the father-in-law and that saved

their lives.

So then,

but they need to get the money out.

But they were on the run.

So he realized that he couldn't take the money with him.

So he arranged from long distance quickly before they closed his account and he

wired the money to different people who he didn't even know but he knew

to be ערלעכע יידן in different places out of the area where the and

he sent $10,000 to this person,

$10,000 to that person,

and he sent all these moneys.

And the people received the money,

didn't even know what it was about,

where it was coming from,

they saw transfer from so-and-so in Europe but there was no like note please

hold on to this until I make it,

there was just like the money came.

And many many years later after he escaped the Holocaust and he was in

Africa,

for the North Africa for the duration of the Holocaust and the Nazis came

there he had to go somewhere else,

בקיצור he escaped.

And then it took a number of years,

was in England for a little bit,

made his way to Canada,

eventually he came to America for a visit.

And he looked up one of these people and he came to the office

and he said are you so-and-so so-and-so?

and he said yes and the person said and he said did you receive

he said my name is שמאי רייכמן.

He says you're שמאי רייכמן?

For ten years I've been waiting for you.

So he said why what happened?

So he said I received the transfer in 1939 and I didn't know what

it was about but I presumed it was someone who like needed to save

their money from Europe so I invested it.

And I checked the investment the whole time and it's grown to a very

significant sum and here I'm happy to give it back to you.

And he gave him all the money back.

And he said thank you and took the money back.

And then many years later the child of this Jew in America met the

child of רייכמן and he said oh we owe you רייכמן said we owe

you a big debt of gratitude that your father took care of the money

and he invested it and he took care of it and he gave it

back.

And then the junior רייכמן said to the son of this person,

he said you should just know I'm sure my father would never have told

you this because he was too of a ישר individual and he didn't want

to say bad about anyone else but he said you should just know my

father also sent money to many other people too and you were the only

one who gave it back.

So sometimes הקדוש ברוך הוא sends you money and it's a פיקדון.

He says this money look after it.

How do you know?

Well you know because you take what you need,

you take what your family needs,

and there's extra.

Does that extra mean oh my gosh my life is almost over I have

this extra money I have to go on a cruise,

I have the extra money to spend I have to find a way to

spend it before my life is over?

No,

what you need you take.

What your family need,

people underneath you you take.

Whatever's beyond that השם deposited it by you.

There's going to be the right time the right cause where you'll identify why

do we have this money if not to help this cause or help that

cause,

maybe for ירושה whatever it is.

But there's going to be a time where it's going to be clear that

this money needs to be put to a good purpose.

So it doesn't mean just because you have it you should spend it.

Once there was a there's a magazine called משפחה magazine.

My wife gets it,

I say my wife gets it but I also look at it.

Anyway once there was like a back and forth about like adverts that they

put in there about very very very expensive vacations.

Someone wrote in and said I think it's not in the spirit of this

magazine which is a magazine of יראת שמים that you're like causing people to

feel like they're not having they're not satisfied with what they have if they're

not going on all these very very fancy vacations and there should be an

editorial,

a rabbinical editorial committee who judges what type of adverts come in and which

don't and very very high-end outings shouldn't be in this magazine especially the way

it's written sometimes like you're not living life if you don't have these things

לכאורה.

So someone wrote that letter in and then someone wrote a letter back saying

I don't see the problem that if people can afford it like what's the

problem of advertising things which are appropriate for people to go on?

If people can't afford it they just you know okay it's not for me.

If people can afford it I don't see the problem.

And then someone wrote back into that and they said that I don't remember

exactly their לשון but they said something about that something like along these lines

of that just because you have more money doesn't mean that you should spend

it.

And then the original person wrote back and they said like show me a

Torah source for that.

And they wrote back חובת הלבבות שער הבטחון פרק ד,

right?

In the letters,

in the letters,

you asked for a source?

Here's a source.

It was phenomenal.

החלק השלישי,

sometimes הקדוש ברוך הוא gives you money,

not because he's saying to you you have more spend more,

but rather he's saying hold on to this.

This money will be at the right time the right cause,

doesn't mean you should spend it.

הטיפש חושב שכל הרכוש The fool says,

"Well,

if the money came into account,

it's mine!

I don't know where this money came from in Europe,

but it came to me,

to me to spend.

Someone's given me a gift!

Why did it come to me?

It came to me because it's mine to spend,

to have a good time.

Someone loves me,

some anonymous admirer out there is giving me gifts." הוא בגדר פרנסת מחייתו וכלכלת

גופו.

It's what I need,

have to have a high level of living.

That's why the money came to me.

והוא מזדרז להשיגו ומשתדל למענו מבלי לקחת בחשבון שייתכן שהוא צוברו עבור מי שיהיה

בעל אשתו אחרי מותו.

Yikes.

Ouch.

Maybe the reason why this money's come to you now is because your wife's

future husband,

he needs the money,

and Hashem's giving it to you now just for him to be able to

receive it in return.

So you might say,

"So quickly spend it now!

Have fun!" No,

that's not your חשבון.

You take what you need,

you provide for your family what they need.

If there's any need,

cause,

that's out there,

donate,

give,

use the money wisely.

But it doesn't mean just because you have more you should be spending more.

או עבור מי שיהרוג אותו.

Oh,

maybe it's for some bandit.

או עבור שונאו הגדול ביותר.

It could be for someone who you hate but right now the money's going

to end up by him.

You have no idea where that's going to come from.

אבל אם מגיע לנו מהגמרא כאילו העתיד הוא ייתן את הדין על מה שהיה

יכול ליהנות ולא נהנה?

כמובן תוך כשרות,

כן?

אז אם יש לאדם אפשרות להודות להשם על אוכל טעים והוא פורש כי הוא

אומר מטרת החיים זה סבל,

לא,

אז הקדוש ברוך הוא ייתן על זה דין.

מה,

אני רציתי להיטיב איתך?

A father buys a child a gift.

And the father says,

"I love you,

my son.

I bought you something very special.

Here you go." The son says,

"I'm working on פרישות.

Not going to take it." It's offensive to the father.

The father wanted to show he loves,

he wanted to give.

That's a totally different thing from

someone who says like,

"I'm looking for ways to spend my money.

Let me think of a new way to spend my money.

Like how can I have other new exciting things to do just for passing

time and finding a way to have a good time?" That's a totally different

idea.

You shouldn't be פורש in a bitter way and say,

"I don't want to benefit from the world" when Hashem you see clearly wants

to give you benefit.

My grandfather,

עליו השלום,

ישראל משה,

so he was someone who he lived less than his money.

He wasn't super wealthy,

but he definitely could live more than he lived.

Like my grandmother always said to him,

she'd say,

"Buy a new shirt!

Buy a new shirt!" He'd say,

"But this shirt's very comfortable.

I like it." She said,

"But you've had it for like over 10 years and it's almost threadbare!" He

said,

"Still works fine.

What's the problem?" Like he drove a very,

very simple old car.

טרנטה.

Like an old running car.

My grandmother would say,

"We can afford it,

like why don't you buy a good car?" He said,

"This car's been very loyal to me.

It's served me so well for so many years.

What,

just to give up on it?

No,

how can I give up on it?

Still works,

still runs.

Why not?

You can afford a new car!" It's just not the way he worked.

It was just not the way he worked.

It's like,

if I'm living my life,

I'm happy,

I'm not suffering.

He wasn't suffering.

He wasn't doing anything in a way of suffering.

He did things in a way of just comfortable,

normal,

comfortable.

I don't need more than that.

And my grandmother's טענה,

"Yeah,

but we can afford more." He said,

"But we don't need more.

We have what we need.

We have what we need." Just because you can afford more...

If a person's suffering,

it's a different thing,

right?

I'm not saying you should suffer.

If you have the money and you can live a life which is a

more comfortable life,

then fine.

But there's no agenda of living a life at the money that you can

live.

There's an agenda of living a life with יראת שמים.

If that's going to increase יראת שמים,

בסדר,

you're allowed to spend more money.

If you don't see how it's going to increase יראת שמים,

it's just a way of showing off and there's no point.

There's another book in the library called Shlomi.

Recommended reading.

In the overseas English library.

Shlomi.

This guy he worked in investments,

was very,

very,

very wealthy.

And he wanted to,

he needed to move house.

So he moved house and the house that he moved to had these uplights

on the outside of the house.

They're like you could just like put a light on a wall.

Didn't help anything.

It wasn't,

it wasn't a light that you needed to walk anywhere.

It was just like a fancy light.

He never put those lights on.

His wife said like,

"We have these lights,

why don't you put them on?" He said like,

"What's the point of putting them on?

Just to like show off what a nice house we have?

That's not,

that's not helping anything,

it's not benefiting anyone.

It's just like showing off.

It just makes neighbors like say,

'Oh,

they have a fancy house.'

But that's,

we didn't come to the world for that,

that's not what we came here for." So he just בשיטה like,

"We don't need to put those lights on.

Those lights are not there,

those lights are just for showing off,

we don't need it." So we did two out of three mistakes.

The first mistake that a person makes is he feels the responsibility for supporting

his family so he does it in a non...

The second mistake that a person makes is that a person says that he's

stingy for giving money to other people,

and he doesn't realize that the truth is that whatever money is not for

him or for his immediate family or his needs,

then that money is not for him.

So he should be generous and he should be outgoing towards other people.

And the third one בעזרת השם we'll see next time.

I just want to tell you one more story.

There was a man whose wife passed away,

and separately a woman whose husband passed away,

and someone suggested a שידוך between them,

that they should get married.

And when the woman looked into the man,

so she heard that he's very stingy.

Very,

very stingy,

צר עין in money.

So she said like,

"I can't marry someone who I have to count every penny and I can't

buy things like if he's,

I'm not asking to spend a lot of money סתם,

but like just to have a free ability to buy what we need and..."

So the שדכן offered the guy the woman but with this תנאי.

So "I can't do that,

I can't do that,

that's who I am,

I can't change." So a year passed,

another year passed,

neither of them got married.

And the שדכן said like,

"Maybe it's worth a try again." So the שדכן went to him and said,

"Look,

you're not getting married,

what do you stand to lose?" He said,

"I stand to lose money." He said,

"Okay,

stand to lose money,

but you have enough money and you could get married and you could be

happy,

like it's worth it." So he thought about it and he spoke to people

and he said,

"You know,

I agree." And they spoke it through like,

what does that mean?

What does that mean?

And they gave some kind of like an area which like not more than

this but also not less than this,

they found like an area which they both felt comfortable with and they got

married.

And they got married and he like was quiet about this matter,

he like let her spend and she didn't over-overspend,

but she spent whatever there was need for.

And he saw that his kids were happier to come visit.

And he saw that his grandchildren were happier to spend time with him.

And he saw that like the whole family was living their life on a

happier level.

And he realized that his being stingy had held back,

when he was raising his children in the first marriage,

had held back a sense of bounty,

a sense of happiness,

a sense of giving.

And now that he changed,

he suddenly saw that like a flower that was wilting but was given water,

the flower was now able to open up.

And he felt a great sense of regret that he'd been so stingy earlier

on in his life.

He had the money,

he had the money,

but he was like in category number two,

like what we said that there's what you need,

what your family needs and what for other people.

Even with his own family,

he wasn't giving them all they needed.

And he was stingy and he was holding back on that.

What for?

What for?

What was he holding it back for?

It was like if you have money,

it's for this,

you know,

it's to be with your kids,

to give your kids a good time,

not over the top but just to give your kids the sense that there's

bounty in the family.

And he realized in hindsight that he'd made a mistake and he thanked his

new wife.

He said,

"Even if I made a mistake throughout my life,

at least now you've given me the chance to change mindset and at least

finish off my life with this sense of showing my children that I love

them through giving and giving them a sense of plenty and bounty and love.

In the same ways that I did that,

I hope that הקדוש ברוך הוא will also,

sorry,

that their view of הקדוש ברוך הוא will also be one that הקדוש ברוך

הוא gives bounty and that הקדוש ברוך הוא loves and their way of viewing

הקדוש ברוך הוא will also raise up another level.

יישר כח."