Bless Your Heart

Scarlett and Carolina discuss life management, navigating the healthcare system independently and relationship wellness like navigating friendships and romantic relationships. They talked about important skills like setting boundaries and balancing busy schedules with rest.

What is Bless Your Heart?

Bless your heart is a conversation-style podcast centered around
coming-of-age and the struggles, fears and challenges young women encounter in a
pivotal time in their lives. As Scarlett and Carolina discuss their own experiences growing older, navigating healthcare, managing their time and becoming their own people, they make an effort to empathize with and inspire other young women who may be having similar experiences.

Scarlett:

Hey, Welcome to the first episode of Bless Your Heart, a podcast for the girlies feeling a little overwhelmed as they navigate the newfound freedoms and responsibilities of adulthood. I'm your host, Scarlett.

Carolina:

And I'm your host, Carolina.

Scarlett:

In this first episode, Carolina and I are gonna talk about a number of topics including navigating healthcare independently, time management methods, and the importance of setting boundaries in your relationships.

Carolina:

I can't wait. Let's get this thing started.

Scarlett:

So the first thing we're gonna talk about is how scary healthcare can be when you're navigating it both as a woman and alone for the first time. I think a lot of us are used to having our mom with us for every appointment and when she steps away from you it can kind of feel like your feet have been pulled out from underneath you. I think a lot of people have heard horror stories from going to the doctor's appointments on your own as a woman, not being listened to, those sorts of things that we get afraid of. So, Carolina, do you have any negative experiences maybe?

Carolina:

I am actually gonna go ahead and out myself for this one. I am don't have a health care plan right now. The shift from, like, pediatrics to finding, like, a primary care physician, a gynecologist, and all of that was, like, really scary at first, especially because, like, through jobs and stuff, like, we don't really have the best benefits. And it kinda feels like you have to have, like, a kind of a long term job for that available to you. Or you have to be, like, super, like, I don't know.

Carolina:

Like, you have to be super underprivileged to have anything available to you. So it's, to find something that can balance, like, not just good coverage, but also, like, the flexibility of you being able to find someone who can take care of you is also really scary because just because your insurance will cover it doesn't mean you're gonna be comfortable with that first choice. So I think it's been that alone has scared me for a while, but then also as a woman, like you were saying, I think there's a lot of negative treatment once you're in the office. It's kind of sad to say, especially at in this day and age, but, like, we're still treated like we're dumb. And not just because we don't have knowledge in health and maybe with certain terms or things like that, but even just like you're treated like you don't really know anything or even if you feel like you know your body, which I mean at this point we kind of do.

Carolina:

It's just like, no, I know better than you, but even if you have gone to school for so many years, like, don't really you can't really tell me what I feel. And so, like, I've heard a lot of stories as well, but then also me I went to the doctor actually not that long ago for a checkup, and I was just asking so many questions because I was like, I'm already here. I'm already gonna have to pay for this. Like, I'm going to explode the most I can out of this visit. And so I started asking questions about, like, things for, like, my sexual health or things about, like, how often I should be doing certain things.

Carolina:

And I just got into it with my doctor. And for the first time in a while, I think she actually was able to connect with me, and I actually got a lot of answers from that and had positive experience. But that has been, like, after so many trials and tribulations to get there. It's definitely not something that has come easy, and it's something that, for us should actually be way more accessible than it is. But do you have you had anything similar like that?

Scarlett:

I mean, for sure, horror stories, things like that, there is a a huge battle when you become an adult of finding a provider who is covered by your insurance should you have healthcare and finding a provider that you're comfortable with or that you feel like listens to you. There's definitely a culture of women are faking or women are being dramatic in most medical situations. You know, that's a problem in itself, but it is something that we have to be aware of. We have to be able to advocate for ourselves. I think one of the scary points of being an adult woman in navigating healthcare is feeling like we have more doctors that we have to go to

Scarlett:

than men per It's important to have a gynecologist. I think we can all acknowledge that. I mean, our mothers have told us that. The women in our lives have told us that, especially if you're sexually active, even if you're not, having your own Pap smear is important, after a certain age. You're at risk for things like cervical cancer and the things that we're taught to fear.

Scarlett:

But having a primary care provider is important too. And your gynecologist sometimes can be your PCP, but your PCP can't be your gynecologist. There's also, you know, so we might be on anti anxiety medication, we need to see a psychiatrist, we might have something else going on, we need to see a neurologist. It feels like, it can kind of feel like you're drowning in the responsibilities and weight of what you have to do. Speaking specifically as a plus size woman, there is a lot of negative reception in the healthcare spaces of just the tendency for medical professionals to blame whatever is going on with you with your weight.

Scarlett:

And obviously weight can be a huge factor in a lot of things. Both as a plus size woman and as a woman in general, we really have to be able to advocate for ourselves in

Scarlett:

And those that means picking a provider that you're comfortable with, picking a provider you feel like listens to you.

Carolina:

So you mentioned earlier, about talking to your mother and women in our lives, about our health and what they've told us about the doctor and things like that. Do you think that it's made it easier

Carolina:

or harder to transition into womanhood to speak with them about that?

Scarlett:

I think I've got kind of a privileged, start to that area. My mom is a nurse practitioner.

Carolina:

Okay.

Scarlett:

So I got the lowdown on my body as soon as my mom felt like I could handle it. I got the sex talk pretty young.

Carolina:

Okay.

Scarlett:

Got the medical term for everything. My mom has been a huge proponent in finding a doctor professional that's willing to listen to me for each of those areas. But at the same time it can be difficult to talk to your mom about things like being sexually active.

Carolina:

Yeah.

Scarlett:

So I think it's equally as important to be able to talk to your mom, but if you can't talk to your mom, to have another woman in your life that's older and is willing to help you guide guide you through those sort of things.

Carolina:

Yeah. I think that's definitely a a a big component. If you have a mother that is moves around in that space and knows how to help you, think that's a really, really big advantage. But then there's also mothers who, like us, have had terrible experiences and all they can really spread is, like, that fear or, like, not not specifically fear, but maybe warning of, like, don't do this or they just would rather you maybe even not be sexually active to avoid you having to have those conversations with the doctor or things like that. So that's that's really it can be not so positive, I would say, and that also might make people, like, stray from having those conversations.

Carolina:

But I think that if we want to manage our life better and get things like that in order and make sure that we're being taken care of, that that's a really, really important thing to be able to speak with someone at some point. But that's also just about balance, I would say. Balancing how much you're able to share, balancing who makes you comfortable in in those spaces and in those conversations.

Scarlett:

So I think that is a good segue from us talking about physical wellness to our next segment, which is talking about life management. So managing ourselves and then managing our life.

Carolina:

Balance is hard.

Scarlett:

Balance is for sure hard. And it's it's difficult. But like you said, it's good to have an adviser. I think, like you said, transition to being your own person from being somebody's daughter starts with the ability to balance out what you want from life and what you have in your life. So balancing things like ambition but with the stuff that's necessary to keep us going to achieve those goals, rest, avoiding burnout, time management, this stuff that comes with being an adult that isn't really at the forefront of our mind.

Scarlett:

You know? I particularly struggle with time management. I have ADHD. And as much as I try not to use that as an excuse, it definitely affects the way that I interact

Carolina:

Oh, of course.

Scarlett:

But I think that it's equally applicable to all of us. I think women in general tend to, especially women in college, college, women our age, tend to take on a whole lot more than is necessary than we really need to or we feel like we have to. So I think both in being a student and entering the workforce, time management becomes such a critical skill in being able to enjoy life.

Carolina:

A skill. Yeah. That is such an important way of looking at it, and I've definitely seen that skill being listed in multiple job applications and in multiple resumes. Time management is really, really hard, but I think that entering in a college air, a college space has definitely, at least for me, helped me because it's entering adulthood but with a set schedule. And so at that time, like, you can see, okay, like, this is when I'm available, this is when I'm not.

Carolina:

And especially here at Berry, it's kind of hard to, like, not be so involved because everyone is busy all of the time. And if you're not busy, it's like you're not in the bubble. So it's it's definitely something that has been positive. It can be negative if you don't realize that you need to take care of yourself as well. But making sure that you're scheduling things and staying in touch with people.

Carolina:

Communication is also super super important. If you're available physically or emotionally or not, I mean, that's something that you have to let people know. And, entering adulthood has given or at least I've perceived has given, a a bigger space in, like, being able to say no to things. Because when you're younger, if your parents make you, you kinda have to.

Scarlett:

Yeah.

Carolina:

Or you can feel like peer pressure is also it's a little different and maybe more excessive at a younger age. But now entering adulthood, there's this new found like just actual real autonomy where you're just like, okay, do I really wanna do this or not? And that can also be a hard decision to make. That can be hard to determine where your no starts. But I think that that's really, really important to realize that you do have that.

Scarlett:

I think there's definitely this amount of self perpetuated pressure

Scarlett:

As a woman in our age group to enjoy everything you possibly can.

Carolina:

Oh, yeah.

Scarlett:

To never say no to going out. To never say no to joining a club. Never say no to doing this or that.

Scarlett:

Spending time with our friends because we have this mindset of, well, I'm only gonna be 22 once.

Carolina:

Oh, yeah.

Scarlett:

And while that's true, I think that we take on so much because we are just loathe to let any opportunity slide by us.

Carolina:

But then again, you're every age only once. So what

Carolina:

does that really mean?

Scarlett:

Exactly.

Carolina:

So what does that really mean?

Scarlett:

There's no rule that says we can't go to a club when we're 35. Right. Or 45. You know? There's definitely pressure from society of women can only do certain things up to a certain age?

Carolina:

Well, personally, I don't feel like I have time right now for things like the club and parties. Like, personally for me, like, I am so tired at the end of the day. I'm and I know I have to wake up early the next the next day to do class stuff and get homework done. And so maybe I'm can't start doing things like that till I'm older, you know, till I'm actually out in the workforce and I know, okay, like, don't I don't have to take my job home with me and actually have downtime and can actually go out and do things. I can also probably get better sleep because sleep habits in college are so hard to keep.

Carolina:

Like, I personally have tried to sleep earlier and I like waking up a little later, but just maintaining some kind of regimen is so so so so hard. And also, I mean, you mentioned earlier, a lot of us do kind of struggle well, not kind of. We do. We struggle with anxiety. So many of us maybe are not yet, like, medicated for things like that or have not been actually diagnosed, but we do have those habits and tendencies.

Carolina:

And so maybe waking up in the middle of the night and then realizing you have more things to do and continuing or trying to start studying earlier instead of studying late at night is just like figuring things that work for you. It just kind of blocks rest. And I feel like that's so so so difficult. Like I personally have gone to sleep at a decent hour and then my body will just, like, levitate out of bed at three in the morning and be like, wait, what am I gonna do tomorrow? And, like, did I plan everything?

Carolina:

Have I contacted everyone that I need to contact? Was this project due tomorrow or is it due in three days? Like, my body will just rise and then it will take me forever to go back to sleep and then I'm So late the next

Carolina:

it's definitely difficult. Yeah.

Scarlett:

I think also with talking along the lines of mental health as it relates to sleep, this is kind of more personal, but I know that it kind of bleeds into the experiences of other women that I know. When I first got to college freshman year, I suddenly had a lot more time between my classes and I'd get done at 02:00. And then I had nothing to do till I went to dinner or till I went to work in the evenings.

Scarlett:

So I was taking three hour naps because I was staying up late doing homework or staying up late doing whatever. And so I'm taking three hour naps and I think we have this mindset of, oh, well if I stay up late one night, I can just catch up on sleep the next day and that's just not how it works.

Carolina:

Yeah.

Scarlett:

And when I tend to get I have really bad seasonal depression.

Scarlett:

When it gets dark outside starting earlier, I'm so tempted to crawl into bed and be like nothing matters, I'm gonna take a nap.

Carolina:

Oh girl.

Scarlett:

And it really just tanks your mental health. Even if you're not super cognizant of doing it, even if you're like, oh I'm I'm gonna take a nap because I don't feel great.

Scarlett:

And while there's nothing wrong with that, girl, if you're taking a

Scarlett:

three hour nap every day

Carolina:

Yeah. Something's up.

Scarlett:

Yeah. Something's up. Something's up. And just being aware of our sleep habits, being aware of all of our habits, but specifically your sleep cycle is just hugely important and it's one of those things that you don't really realize you need to be aware of as an adult.

Carolina:

It's it's it definitely calls for like discipline and a lot of responsibility for yourself because entering womanhood, I mean, we're not anyone's responsibility really anymore. Like, you are your own responsibility. You know when you're gonna go to bed. You know what time you have to wake up in the morning, things you have to do. It's just part of really transitioning into a responsible, disciplined adult.

Carolina:

And I think that that's really, really important to master earlier rather than later. But yeah. And along the lines of not being someone else's responsibility, I think that it's also one of those phases where you really, really need to dictate to others as well what you're comfortable with them putting into you or trying to give you different kinds advice. Because I've talked about this even, like, with my mom or with my dad, and I'll tell them, like, I really slept terribly last night. And they'll be like, well, it's probably because you were on your phone or or what were you doing or things like that.

Carolina:

And sometimes it's kidding around. Sometimes they're just being, you know, worrisome because that's what parents do.

Scarlett:

Yeah.

Carolina:

But then sometimes, like, certain comments that maybe they'll make is like, okay, I'm not dumb. I've been myself my entire life.

Carolina:

I know what I can handle. I know what I can't. And so having those conversations with family members, I think, is also really important. Those boundaries are ultimately what's going to guide your wellness. It's really important to realize what people are pouring into you because what gets poured into you is what you're going to pour out eventually.

Scarlett:

Well said.

Carolina:

Yeah. Do you have any experiences or maybe your friends that have like

Scarlett:

I think okay. I think we've all had the freshman year friendship breakdown. And I think everybody either has a freshman year roommate horror story Oh my gosh.

Scarlett:

Or something happened in your freshman year friend group and it absolutely blew up.

Scarlett:

So absolutely, it's about setting boundaries, but it's also difficult to start making friends on your own as an adult in student, like, the student environment and when you come out of it. You have to learn what kind of person you want to be friends with because it's no longer the people that you just see for eight hours every day and have your classes with like it is in high school. So your boundaries with your friendships is comes down to you being selective with who you're friends with.

Carolina:

Yeah.

Scarlett:

And obviously that extends outside of friendships.

Scarlett:

I think we primarily think of romantic relationships when we think of relation relational boundaries. There's also something to be said for your boundaries. You have to start setting with your parents

Carolina:

Oh, for sure.

Scarlett:

When you become an adult. I mean, going back to what we were talking about with, you know, physical wellness and being able to talk to your mom about that, sometimes the boundary you have to set is, Mom, I'm not gonna talk to you about this.

Carolina:

Yeah.

Scarlett:

I'm not gonna talk to you about my sexual wellness or I'm not gonna talk to you about this aspect of my healthcare process or I don't have to share with you what's going on between me and my doctor.

Carolina:

Yeah.

Scarlett:

Also, as you become an adult, your relationship with your parents changes. Your relationship Of with your siblings changes. And it might change for the better. I fight with my mother significantly less now that I don't live in her house.

Carolina:

Seriously. Yeah.

Scarlett:

So I think, you know, a boundary can be physical distance

Carolina:

Yeah.

Scarlett:

But it can also be an emotional boundary. Sometimes we have to remind our parents that you are an adult now.

Carolina:

Yeah.

Scarlett:

You know? They always want to see us as the children that they raise. Yeah. And sometimes that's not a bad thing, but sometimes it requires a little bit of firm boundary setting.

Carolina:

Yeah. And I think it's it's kind of difficult to do if you're still in school because a lot of us maybe still depend on our parents financially.

Scarlett:

Yeah. Absolutely.

Carolina:

And so that definitely gives them, like, the sense of, like, still having their hand dipped in our bucket.

Carolina:

You know what I mean? Like, they still feel like, okay, because I am financially sustaining you, I can still have a say. And of course, for a lot of things, that will be the case. But for you personally, for things that have to do with your body, things that have to do with even your mental wellness, or things that have to go on in your life every day that they're not here for. They can't like, I've had so many days where I seriously just, like, wanna not go go open the door to my room and it's my home hallway.

Carolina:

Like, just wanna go talk to my mom in the kitchen. Like, and she's not there for me. So and that's not that's not a choice, but it is a thing that we're like, okay, you're not here. Like, under your roof, you realized things were going on. Maybe you didn't know everything about my life, but I was definitely still under your guardianship.

Carolina:

You still had to have some kind of advice for me ready. And although that's still the case most of the time, now it's my choice, can I take it or it? And that's one thing that they really need to understand is that advice is always welcome, but whether I take it or not is definitely going to be on me. And I think that it's always important also to know that it comes from a place of love. I know a lot of us have different kinds of relationships with our parents, whether it's our mom or our dad or if you have to live with someone else that is also guarding you, maybe a grandparent or an aunt.

Carolina:

But I think that it's really important to understand or try to at least at this point in our life what our upbringing was like. Coming to terms with your upbringing I think is also going to help you set those boundaries because if there has been history of different things, that's going to help you set certain boundaries or maybe be a little more tolerant of others. So, starting to really analyze how you grew up, who you grew up with, and what they poured into you as you were growing up is honestly going to set those lines for how you're going to continue as you enter adulthood. And I think that that's also a different way to look at your parents and the people in your life and where they can come in and where they can't. So that's also super, super important.

Carolina:

It was definitely something that I had to go through literally all the entire year, the spring semester of high school, like my senior year, and then fall semester freshman in college was so so difficult for that reason because I was barely at that point. And I mean, it's kind of the appropriate age to do anyway, but I was barely coming to terms with like, oh, I am not going to be here forever. My parents like kept me so like close to them and now I have to forcefully leave. And so I didn't like it was so hard to come to terms with like who I was, what I wanted, how much like different values and things were actually sent into me. And so I definitely let a lot of things slide both from my parents and for friends and things like that because I didn't know where where it was still me choosing to do things and where it was really them influencing me.

Carolina:

And so coming into terms with that has really set a new standard for my well-being and for mental health and for even my physical health. So I think that that's also something really important that we need to delve into.

Scarlett:

Okay. So from here, we're gonna do a little bit of a segment on advice just from an older woman in our life that might have some insightful things to say to us.

Carolina:

Doctor. Kimberly Field-Springer has tuned in and would like to say something about this.

Dr. Kimberly Field-Springer:

Building boundaries that help protect your sense of self would be the advice that I would give young adults. Protecting yourself when it comes to your mental health, your physical health, your social and emotional health. You can do this by setting aside time for journaling or doing a hobby that you enjoy, making sure that you're active physically, and then also surrounding yourself with people who help you become a better version of yourself.

Scarlett:

So I think that was a really good summary from Kim just about what we've talked about, what we've covered. It's nice to hear it from an older voice.

Carolina:

Yeah.

Scarlett:

You know? It's nice to hear it from somebody who has lived it.

Carolina:

Yeah.

Scarlett:

And can impart that wisdom.

Carolina:

Yeah. I think it's really important how she also mentioned hobbies and being physically active. There's always time. And I think that if you make yourself that priority, if you make your time a priority, that that can definitely be done.

Scarlett:

Having a creative and emotional outlet is super important. I think we all know how much Kim loves her Zumba.

Carolina:

Yeah.

Scarlett:

But she also has work that's really rewarding to her.

Carolina:

Of course. Yeah. And I think that that's also something important that even as she is now in a different stage in motherhood where her daughters are getting older and entering different cycles in school, she hasn't stopped making time for herself. And I think that's something that we really can look up to.

Carolina:

Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us today.

Carolina:

We hope you enjoyed listening in as we talked about how we handle personal wellness in our everyday life and everything that comes with that.

Scarlett:

Alright. So join us next time and we're gonna talk about all things relationships, romantic and otherwise. We'll cover how perspectives can change, relationships can grow, and when it's time to walk away. We'll see you guys next time.

Carolina:

Bye.