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Collierville First Baptist Church
[01:00:00:18 - 01:01:48:07]
to speak today on this subject, God's design for the family. Now, when I mentioned the word family, for many of you, it conjures up wonderful warm feelings. For others, it conjures up some deep, dark, bad feelings. Adam and Eve, listen, a quick survey of the Bible reveals the negative impact that sin has on the family. Adam and Eve were created by God. They were placed in a perfect paradise. God gave them one rule, just one rule, don't eat from the tree in the middle of the garden, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Yet they did. They sinned against God. And as a result, when God called them on the carpet and judged them, Adam blamed Eve. Eve said, the devil made me do it. And as a result, a consequence of this sin in their family, Cain killed Abel, another one of their sons. I'll tell you, it's a sin has a devastating impact on a family. Think about Jacob, one of the patriarchs. He married multiple women. He had 12 sons and the older sons sold one of the younger son, Joseph, into slavery in Egypt. Not a pretty picture. Think about David, a man after God's own heart.
[01:01:49:16 - 01:03:44:15]
David committed adultery with Bathsheba. And as a result of that, he ended up ordering the execution, the murder of her husband Uriah. And Absalom, their son, David's son, led a coup against his dad and ended up being killed himself. I tell you, folks, mark this down. Don't forget this. You might want to write it down. Ignoring God's pattern and principles for the family is disastrous. It's disastrous. Now, I admit to you raising a family in a culture like we're living in today, it's difficult to say the least. The culture we live in is aggressively pushing an agenda that seeks to redefine everything that God has ordained, marriage, gender, you name it. These catastrophic changes threaten the family's survival. I got a question for every dad and mom in this room today. Do you have a game plan to combat the intrusion of this satanic into your family? Do you have a game plan? You say, "Well, pastor, I haven't given it much thought." Well, I'm going to give you a game plan today. You can use this game plan. It's not mine originally. It comes right out of the Bible. And the game plan is this, adopt God's design for your family. Don't vary. Don't waver. Don't let people like the view cause you to
[01:03:45:21 - 01:05:57:01]
reject what God's pattern and plan is for your family. Listen, adopt God's design for your family. Now, I want you to understand that in this passage and in this book of the Bible, Paul underscored the fact that the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ, his dead, barely in resurrection affects everything in our lives, everything. It affects the way we think. It affects the way we worship. It affects the way we do family. Now, God's design includes four present tense commands in our text today. We're going to look at verses 18 to 21 of Colossians chapter three. Now this is for every person within the sound of my voice. Four present tense commands. Now understand this, these are not four present tense suggestions. These are four present tense commands. Not from Paul to some people say, well, Paul was a male chauvinist. Paul didn't come up with these ideas. Paul was inspired by the Holy Spirit of God, the third person of the Trinity to write what he wrote. So if you're going to blame anybody, don't blame Paul, blame God. Okay? Now here's what I want you to understand. These present tense commands are for wives, for husbands, for children, and for fathers slash parents. Let's look first at the wife's submission. Now I saw a cartoon where a preacher was preaching on this text and he got to the wife's submission and he was preaching from behind a bulletproof glass enclosure.
[01:05:58:14 - 01:07:13:15]
Now I hope and pray I don't have to do that today. I hope and pray that you understand that what I'm preaching today is not my idea. It's God's idea. Now listen to me very carefully. You cannot improve on God's design for the family. You cannot do it. All right? Now look at Colossians 3 18 wives be subject to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord. Now it's vital that we understand that what Paul records in this letter was based on the initiation of God's design at the creation of Adam Spirit in a perfect world. This was not as a result a reaction to their sin. This was the way God designed it from the very beginning when everything was perfect. And it was also based on the illustration of Christ's relationship to the church as printed and as developed in Ephesians chapter five. All right,
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what does it mean? Wives submit to your own husband. What does it mean? Well, the key verb submit means literally to put yourself under, put yourself under. It was used to describe soldiers arranged in military order under the authority of a commanding officer. Now this command, and it is a command,
[01:07:45:04 - 01:08:24:03]
describes the pattern of a wife's, listen to this very carefully, me and listen to me very carefully. It describes the pattern of a wife's voluntary submission to the leadership of her own husband. Guys understand this, God does not need your help. You can't demand of your wife that she submit. This is something God has to do in her heart. I promise you this, if you start demanding that your wife submit to you, duck, duck. Okay.
[01:08:25:14 - 01:11:06:16]
This is the work of the spirit of God in the heart of a Christian wife. Now the structure and authority and submission is evident even in the Trinity. Do you understand that? The Bible says in first Corinthians chapter 11 verse three, but I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man. Every man is to submit to the leadership of Jesus Christ and the man is the head of a woman and God is the head of Christ. Now look at that last phrase. God the father is the head, the authority over the Lord Jesus Christ. In John chapter five, verse 30, Jesus said, I can do nothing on my own initiative. As I hear, I judge and my judgment is just because I do not seek my own will, but the will of him who sent me. Now take your Bible and flip over to Philippians, just go to your left just a little bit. Philippians chapter two, I want you to see this. Look at verse four, do not merely look out for personal interests, but also for the interest of others. Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus. Now look at this. Who although this Jesus, who although he existed in the form of God did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself. What did he empty himself off? Not his deity. He never emptied himself of his deity. He emptied himself of his rightful glory in heaven. He emptied himself taking the form of a, look at this, a bond servant and being made in the likeness of man and being found in appearance as a man. He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. So ladies, I want you to understand that this idea, this concept of authority and submission can be found even in the Trinity, God the father, God the son, God the Holy Spirit.
[01:11:07:29 - 01:15:49:28]
That's an important thing for you to grasp today. Now, and I look back at our text chapter three, verse 18, wives be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. What does this mean as is fitting in the Lord? Well, here's what it means. It means this is the will of God. It's the will of God. It's the way God designed for marriages and families to work in the world that he created as is fitting in the Lord. Now listen, if we're going to have well ordered homes, if we're going to have homes that work the way God intends for them to work, wives must submit to the godly leadership of her husband. That's very important. She's to respect her husband to submit and follow his leadership. But what does that mean? What does submit not mean? Well, submission does not mean that the woman is inferior to the man. Perish that thought. Men and women are both created in the image of God and both are equally important to God. Very important that you understand it. Genesis one 27, the Bible says God created man in his own image. In the image of God created him male and female. He created them. Do you see that? Galatians three 28, there is neither Jew nor Greek. There is neither slave nor free man. There is neither male nor female for you are all one in Christ Jesus. So let's make sure we understand that the husband and wife are important to God. The husband and wife are created equally, but they have different roles to play out in the Christian family. The smart and savvy spirit filled husband considers his wife to be his companion and his trusted counselor. God's design for the wife is clear. Wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. All right. I'm going to look at the next verse. Okay. Let's look at the husband's love. Number two, the husband's love. Now to get the full brunt of what Paul is saying here, you've got to understand the context. Colossae was a part of the Roman empire. In the Roman empire, the Roman culture that Colossae indicated that everything was dominated by males, everything males had undisputed control of their families, including slaves, children, and wives. In fact, the wife in this culture, the wife had no legal rights whatsoever into this environment. Paul delivered the radical truth of the gospel. And let me tell you, the husband's responsibility was equally clear as was the wives. Now understand this, there was not a single person in Colossae that was speaking to husbands about their responsibility to wives until Paul's letter showed up and they began to read it and teach it in the church. Now look, Colossae 3, 19, husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Now, if you're in this room today and you're a young person and you're not married yet, I want to encourage you to pay close attention to this message. This is a best premarital counseling you'll ever get. I promise you. Husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them. The word love refers to an unconditional love. A Christian husband is commanded to love his wife first sacrificially in Ephesians 5.
[01:15:51:05 - 01:16:54:12]
Paul made it clear that the husband must love his wife. Get started now. Even as Christ loved the church. Let me ask you, where was the greatest display of the Lord Jesus Christ for the church? The cross. The Bible says, but God demonstrated his love toward us and that while we were yet to go to church, Christ died for us. It was on the cross where the Lord Jesus voluntarily offered his body and blood as a sacrifice, the perfect sacrifice for our sin. Isn't it amazing that the Holy Spirit inspired the apostle Paul to use this vivid picture of Christ dying on the cross to illustrate how a husband is to love his wife sacrificially. What a picture.
[01:16:55:26 - 01:18:02:26]
Selfishness destroys more marriages than anything else. Let me repeat that. Selfishness destroys more marriages than anything else. Let me ask you this question, guys. Every husband in this room, I'm going to ask you a question. When is the last time that you sacrificed to bless and honor your wife? When was the last time? May I make a suggestion to you on this father's day? Why don't you make a commitment as a Christian husband that you are going to sacrifice tangibly so that your wife can be blessed and honored. That's what God expects out of you. Ladies, let me ask you a question. Don't you think it would be rather easy to submit and to follow the leadership and respect a husband who sacrificed for you?
[01:18:05:14 - 01:19:20:09]
That's a good play for an Amen. A Christian husband is commanded to love his wife sacrificially, but he's also commanded to love his wife continually. The verb for love refers to an unrelenting kind of love that is driven by our will, not our feelings. Here's what the view and the people of the world say. If you're a woman or you're a man and you've lost your feeling for the other part, your spouse, leave them. Find somebody else. Let me tell you that is totally contradictory to the Bible. You know why we recognize marriages at 50 years or above? We want everybody to understand the young people, the middle-aged people, young couples. We want them to understand that marriage is a covenant, not a contract. Contracts can be broken. Covenants are meant to be kept.
[01:19:22:06 - 01:19:41:28]
So our love is driven by our will, not our feelings. There are some times you don't feel like loving your wife, but your will says, I must love my wife to honor the Lord Jesus Christ.
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We don't look for the first off ramp to get out of a marriage.
[01:19:50:11 - 01:22:19:14]
Now notice this, Paul commanded husbands to never be embittered against their wives. What does that mean? Well, here's what it means. Husband don't ever become harsh, bitter, or resentful toward your wife. Don't miss this now. I want to say something. You got to get this. Men, if your wife does not submit to you as the Bible describes, you must still love her as an act of obedience to the Lord. Ladies, if your husband does not love you as the Bible describes, submit to him as an act of obedience to the Lord. Never base your obedience to Jesus on your spouse's performance. Let me repeat that last line. Never base your obedience to Jesus in a marriage on your spouse's performance. So here's a game plan that ensures that your family can survive and even thrive in a topsy turvy, crazy world. Adopt God's design for your family. That means wives submit to your husbands. Husbands love your wives. God's design also includes a command for children. Number three, the children's obedience. Now notice in this verse, in verse 20, it says, "Children, be obedient to your parents and all things for this is well pleasing the Lord." It doesn't say children be submissive to your parents like it says with a wife. It says, "Children, be obedient." There are no wiggle room there. Be obedient to your parents in all things. Now in the culture of that day, the father had the right to sell his children as slaves. Actually did to have that right. The father could even kill his children with impunity and never go to jail.
[01:22:21:00 - 01:22:36:13]
That's the way that culture was designed. And so into that kind of bleak, dark environment, the gospel brought radical change to their families. So here's God's design for the children.
[01:22:37:17 - 01:24:49:24]
Children, be obedient to your parents and all things for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Now I want you to see first here the instruction. The verb be obedient literally means to listen under. Listen under. Hey, let me say to every child who's living under the roof of their parents, your biblical responsibility, if you're going to please Jesus, it's to listen carefully to what your parents say to you. Listen under. It's a present imperative. Therefore it commands a pattern of obedience. Notice this, notice the qualifier in all things, in all things. It addresses any child who is still living in the home under parental guidance. If that child is 20 years old and they're still living under the roof of mom and dad, they still have a responsibility, biblical responsibility to obey their parents. Hey, let me say to all the young people here, if you get out from under that biblical responsibility of obeying your parents, get a job and move out and work and make a life for yourself. Seriously, this is what it's teaching. So it addresses any child who's still living in the home under parental guidance. Now when children are no longer under the protection and care of their parents, obedience is no longer expected. It's no longer expected. However, it's a big however here. However, respect and honor are still appropriate when you get out from under the parents authority, respect and honor your mom and your dad. Let me give you a perfect example.
[01:24:51:01 - 01:26:07:21]
Do you remember when Jesus was dying on the cross? The most agonizing, painful form of death imaginable. It was painful physically and it was painful spiritually because at that moment, God the father was taking all the guilt of the human race and placing it upon the broad shoulders of his son and he was pouring out the wrath of God against the sins of the human race because Jesus had none, but Jesus would bearing our sins on the cross. Do you remember what Jesus said from the cross? I preached the seven last words of Christ from the cross and one of those words was this, Jesus looked down from the cross. He saw Mary, his mother, and he said to her, he was looking at John the apostle. He said, behold your son. And to John the apostle, he said, behold your mother. And from that moment forward, John took Mary into his home and cared for
[01:26:08:22 - 01:26:27:19]
that's a picture of the respect and honor that a grown child should be able to give to his dad and his mom. Now the Bible says in proverbs 23, 22, listen to your father who begot you
[01:26:28:20 - 01:26:59:20]
and do not despise your mother when she is old. In proverbs 20, my son observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother. You know, one of the saddest things in the world, it is to go to a nursing home and to walk down the halls and look in rooms where there are elderly parents can't feed themselves. They can't care for themselves.
[01:27:01:25 - 01:29:48:00]
And there's no family there. Sons and daughters are not there. That's a bad picture. If you have an elderly mom or an elderly father, do not ignore them. Visit them, call them, text them, let them know that you love them and you honor them. Now listen to this very carefully. The child who does not learn, we're talking about children under the protection and the care of their parents. They haven't moved out yet. The child who does not learn to obey his parents is prone to grow up disobeying and disrespecting any authority, including teachers, etc. I'm telling you, these young people that you see in these crazy chaotic marches on TV, mark it down. They're there because mom and dad did not teach them to obey. Listen, the breakdown of authority in our culture can be traced back to the breakdown of authority in the family. It is a sign of a depraved culture. Second Timothy chapter three verses one to five, listen to it. "But realize this, that in the last days, difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, obedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power." Children must be taught to obey their parents and all things. Now mom and dad listen to me very carefully. That's your job. That's your job. You cannot delegate that job to anybody else. It's your job. Next, I want you to see not only the instruction, but the incentive. So why? Well, the Bible says
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that when a child obeys a dad, when a child obeys a mom, it pleases the Lord. Hey, can you think of anything more important than pleasing the Lord Jesus with your life? You're a teenager here. You're a child here. I want you to understand that every single time that you obey dad and mom, you are pleasing the Lord Jesus who spilled his blood to save your soul. So here's my challenge you today. Adopt God's design for your family. Don't vary from that. Don't look for some other design that fits what you want. Remember the number one destroyer of families is selfishness. The Burger King approach, I'll have it my way. That's not the way it works.
[01:30:57:17 - 01:32:04:19]
God's design is your best hope of counteracting the shock waves of a world embroiled in chaos. So wives submit to your husbands. Husbands love your wives. Children obey your wives. By the way, let me say to mom and dad, you want to give your kids security? Let them go to bed every night knowing that dad loves mom and mom loves dad and they're committed to each other. I'll tell you that's security. So here's the final aspect of God's design for the family. Number four, the father's restraint. Fathers are addressed here because they were the most powerful people in the home in the first century. By the way, I've seen a lot of people in my years in ministry
[01:32:06:01 - 01:33:17:14]
who have father wounds, gaping father wounds, but I have rarely seen somebody with a mother wound, rarely. Hey, watch sports on TV. Watch those football players when they're interviewed after a game. Not very many of them say something about their dad. They all talk about mom, right? So Paul, writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart." So we see here the deity, the word exasperate means to stir up, to arouse, to provoke. It's a present tense imperative. It's a command in the present tense and it's talking about a pattern that a father must avoid in the Christian family. So don't keep on provoking your children.
[01:33:18:22 - 01:36:08:16]
Don't keep on being too hard on them. Don't keep on harassing them. Look at the danger. Paul warned of this danger, "So that they will not lose heart." He's talking about breaking their spirit. Hey, there's nothing sadder than to see a little boy, a little girl or a teenager whose heart has been crushed by an overbearing powerful father figure. Discouraged broken hearted children are fair game for Satan and his evil world system. So make sure that you avoid these things. I'm going to give you a list here. You don't have to write them all down, but avoid these things. Now, obviously this does apply to the mom because she's involved in raising the kids too. In fact, in many homes today, the mom is the parental figure in the home. So let me tell you what to avoid in your home. Avoid smothering your child. Now I'm not talking about getting a pill and smothering. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about according to their age and maturity, give them some opportunities to make some decisions and to suffer some consequences. It's okay to do that. Avoid favoring one child over the other. Where you got, you favor this child over this child. Go to the Bible and read about Jacob and Esau. It didn't turn out too well for them. Avoid pushing extreme achievement. Make sure that you don't push your kids to be what they are. Well, I'm telling you, I see this in the athletic area all the time. I remember there was a young man in, in Soutillo and his dad pushed him and pushed him and pushed him and it didn't turn out good. So don't push extreme achievement, whether it be athletically, educationally, musically, whatever, and avoid constant discouragement. Make sure you balance correction with encouragement. Avoid making children feel like an unwanted intrusion. You got husband and wife here and you want to do all this stuff together, but you got kids, so you can't do it. Don't make them feel like an intrusion.
[01:36:10:16 - 01:37:24:00]
Parents must be willing to sacrifice for their children and avoid using love to punish. Let me tell you, love is not a tool of discipline. Love ought to be a constant variable in the way that you're doing it. Now avoid ridiculing your kids in front of others, especially their peers. And then finally, avoid physical or verbal abuse where you cut the child's heart out. Avoid that at all costs. Now let me give you a parenting goal. Well, you might want to write this down. A goal for parents. Well, I want my kid to be at 380. I want to be able to get a college scholarship so I can avoid paying tuition. That's not a good goal. Can I give you a good goal? I want my children
[01:37:25:22 - 01:37:39:13]
to be committed followers of the Lord Jesus Christ. Can I tell you that has benefit for today and it has benefit for eternity.
[01:37:41:09 - 01:38:12:20]
Let me tell you, your batting average is not going to make heaven sweeter for your kid. Put first things first. Now let me say this, you need a good game plan to combat the persistent shockwaves that are reverberating across the world today. I suggest
[01:38:14:03 - 01:38:19:18]
adopt God's design for your family and never vary from that.
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I don't care what the latest psychologist says. I don't care what the ladies on the view say. Adopt God's design for your family and don't vary from it. I'll tell you, the gospel enhanced families in the first century there in Colossae. I tell you, the gospel can enhance families in the 21st century here in Carville. God's design includes the wife's submission,
[01:38:53:15 - 01:40:58:01]
the husband's love, the children's obedience, the father's restraint. Being an authentic Christian in your family is your first responsibility. You know one thing that kids can always sniff out, hypocrisy. It's when you say one thing and you live something totally different. I tell you, it wounds them. It affects them. So you got to make sure that as a husband and a wife, that you are authentic Christ followers, that you have a biblical worldview. So let me ask you this. We've looked at the scripture today. Will you as a husband obey the Lord? Will you as a wife obey the Lord? Will you as a child obey the Lord? Will you as a father obey the last blessing? Of toggle Calvary all your lives. All your family's willing to work to this day, anywhere, everywhere but andjet. G assistant dean Falcon onWhat has this been your parenting? I openapped. I want to ask our worship team to come, our staff to come, I open prayed in just a moment. As we begin invitation that you will come to this altar and you'll bow your knee to the Lord Jesus Christ as a Christian wife, a Christian husband, a Christian child, a Christian parent, you'll bow your knee and you'll say, Lord, I want to obey you and what you have in your word. I hope and pray you'll do that. Let me ask you this. Are you a part of the family of God? We've talked a lot about family today. Do you know God's got a family? He's got a family. Do you know who gets to be a part of his family?
[01:40:59:18 - 01:42:13:18]
Every man, woman, boy, and girl who repents of their sin and place their faith in Jesus, who went to the cross and died for sins and was raised from the dead so they could be justified before the father. That's who gets to be a part of God's family. I want to invite you to come to Christ today, put your faith in him, come to one of our staff members and say, I want to be saved today. I want to be a part of God's family. Now, I got another question for you. If you're a Christian, if you're a part of God's family, do you have a church family? You know, when the Lord began to design the Christian family, he wanted us to understand that we need a church family, not to just bounce around from church to church and visit this church today, this Sunday, and another church next Sunday. No, we need some roots. We need some spiritual roots where we are taught the Word of God, where we worship the living God, where we seek to honor him.
[01:42:15:05 - 01:42:22:17]
I want to invite you, if you don't have a church home, come to one of our staff members and talk to them about that.