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Kill the general. Ride the elevator — twenty minutes of ka-chunk through a flesh shaft into the Black Papacy's sealed catacombs. A coring charge opens a vampire door, and something charred and robed waits beneath a miniature sun. The Fume Congregant wants payment.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: Pathfinder Second Edition
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What is Rotgrind - Narrative Declaration?
Five adventurers try to survive in this comedy filled Pathfinder Second Edition TTRPG campaign within the grim dark world of Tyne. Follow the show, get custom TTRPG content, and more at https://narrativedeclaration.com
That sounds like something a vampire would say.
ASL, doesn't that stand for...
Ah, scream loudly!
Baldrick's the main character, you heard it here first.
I am going to lop off my left hand.
Oh my god!
I only speed Draconic, Strix, and Radical.
As the 11th level Mega Party is defeated by a f***ing door.
Who's ready for another exciting episode of Rock Rhymes?
It's okay, Speaker.
I didn't leave you alone that time.
Yay.
I didn't.
The apartment walls will hold today.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to another exciting episode of Rock Rhymes.
Just quick things, as you're listening to us.
First off, thanks for sharing the show around.
Thanks for that.
Thank you so much for going over to your buddies and shoving your phone in their face.
Like, you know, there's people who are like, hey, look at my kids.
And you, like, shove their phone in their faces.
Like, now you do that with our show.
We appreciate that.
Thank you so much.
We're the kids.
That's just for the word that we exist.
But, of course, we have a bunch of our amazing players here.
We have to go for time because we had a bunch of technical issues before our stream today.
But, of course, we have Odo playing Venus Washbunk.
We have our awesome Hulky doing Rahula.
We have Speaker doing Tanhauser.
We have Salty Bank playing Stont.
Also, maybe an old favorite of yours is now coming back, you know, maybe later.
Then, of course, I am playing Ornn, the Strict Summoner.
We got our amazing Game Master Thurston here coming back with us for another amazing adventure.
And, Thurston, what adventures have we been on and what do you have in store for us?
Well, in this arc of the campaign, you've gone to the strange land of Golgotha, the wasteland origin homeland of Tanhauser.
There, you had a brief stint as retail workers before venturing off into the wasteland to take on one of the great citadel, I guess, city-states, citadel states of Golgotha to wrest it from control of its leading general.
Which you did at the end of last session, after a momentous attack on the citadel, after raising, essentially, an army of people and dregs of society and revolutionaries alike.
You besieged the citadel, eventually fighting the totally not Baron Harkonnen leader that you, that I blame, that I blame Speaker and Zoran for their dune fixation at that time.
I'm sorry. Speaking of jokes, it's so funny. We had to keep doing it.
See, I don't get any blame, even though I did three dune references in that run by making Ornithopter fall in and all those.
Oh, you don't get to blame for the, because you added to it. You were fine.
No, no, no. These people just, yeah, you get a thumbs up.
They, they just were like, this character, this, this boss, it's just Baron Harkonnen.
They made me add, like, a little nothing burger secondary boss to it.
Say it, Zoran. You know you want to.
You know you want to.
Piter.
Piter.
They killed me, Piter.
I would never love my Twinks again, Piter.
Or it's Titer. We need him Titer.
For tub guy.
Sorry.
Titer.
But the guy's my parent.
No, that's all I had to say.
Okay.
I'm going to show you.
I'm going to show you the floor.
I'm just, I refuse to take the blame for, for, for Titer, right?
I was, I was part of that, but I was not the progenitor whatsoever.
That was all you.
I will take, I will take credit for Titer.
And, of course, there was tub guy.
Titer.
Titer.
I love Titer.
I need you to stop saying that.
I'm going back into muting now.
I was wondering.
I was like, how long can he hold?
How long can he hold?
Really testing his willpower here.
My best.
But of God.
And, and, and following the defeat of the general,
Tannhauser had a, a raw emotional feeling,
knowing that the object that you're searching for here,
that sort of elemental conduit item that you know you need to collect from across time,
and it, it is in this area, but it is deep below, deep into the earth,
which was convenient.
Because there was an elevator, which you stepped on.
And that is where we begin our session.
Stepping onto an elevator, into the darkness.
Tannhauser, I'm scared of the darkness.
For how long has this been a character trait?
We've been in plenty of dark places,
and you've never expressed this in the past.
But I, you know, I would just be trying to, you know, be, be brave in front of you.
You don't have to pretend to be Oren.
I know you're Oren.
You just, it's just like we've been,
when was the last time we were in darkness, I was.
Actually, every single time we've been in darkness,
why never you turn on your flashlight eyes?
Shut the hell up, Oren.
Okay.
Yeah, really, honestly, you're detracting from everybody else here.
I don't want to cast light from my eye, Tannhauser.
I only have one of them.
Listen, it takes a lot of power.
I can only do it for a little bit.
It doesn't.
You just do this.
Rahua just snaps his fingers.
I cast light.
Can you please have Dark Souls elevator sound plays this whole time?
Can you have Rahua have, like, that, uh, that beaded, like, string, like,
coming under, like, out of his mouth and from the bottom part, so he just,
and then you just turn on the light.
How many pulls does it require for you until the fan stops in Rahua's head?
It's never one.
It's never one pull.
It's deterministic.
It might happen on one.
It might happen on three million.
You just kind of have to see what happens day by day.
If that fan stops, he dies instantly.
You cannot ruzz him.
I see.
He instantly moves on.
You should get a new computer.
Well, should we get a new cleric?
Damn, dude.
No.
No.
No.
Our cleric will also kill the horse.
Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk.
The elevator continues.
Keep going.
Oh.
It's not the character.
That's because.
Oh, I'm sorry, Wadrick.
Were you saying something?
We just had a whole section when we were in a general store.
And if you wanted a torch, you could have gotten a torch.
And how, sir, Snot puts a long orangutan-esque arm onto his shoulder.
It's just a long orangutan.
How does that work?
She's small-sized, but she has long arms.
So she just puts a hand on his shoulder and looks up at him and goes,
That was like a month ago.
No, it wasn't.
That was several, that was a day.
Well, how long ago was it?
Everything is 14 years.
Dude, we've been out in the desert for quite some time now.
How long have we been in this elevator?
Uh, it feels like it's been about 20 years,
but I think it's been about 30 seconds.
Oh my god, is that Horus Lupercal?
Not again.
Wrong show.
Wrong show.
Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk.
Not again.
This is going to be a test for a session where I could just GM by making elevator sounds.
Keep going.
Well, if you think about it, I had, I got to repair my mech.
I got to have a nap.
I found a snack.
This elevator has been going on for quite some time.
Speaking of, Mr. Tenhouser, what are we going to find down here?
Well, we are currently plummeting into the depths of the Black Papacy.
At least that's what I suspect.
These are subterranean.
Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk.
Yeah, shut up!
These are subterranean.
It's actually a guy on the side operating the elevator who's making the ka-chunk shuns.
He does.
What's your name?
Ka-chunk.
Ka-chunk!
First name is Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, as he falls down.
First name is Ka-chunk.
These are subterranean vampires that lead an insidious cult to keep the slaves of Golgotha in line.
And we are likely plummeting straight into the midst of the true rulers of this citadel.
I thought that was a myth.
No, they have an embassy.
They're everywhere.
It's not a myth.
I thought it was a myth.
Yeah, I've never seen a real vampire before.
Well, you're going to.
Wait, yes, who did?
Well, you did.
Well, actually, technically, it was a fake vampire that you saw.
When we went to, you know, back when we were under the, the last time we were underground.
Yeah.
And weren't scared.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm always scared.
Well, you should really, at this point, why are you scared of anything?
You killed so many people.
I'm scared of losing you guys as my friends.
Oh, well, you know, now I feel like the bad guy.
I don't, you know.
You kind of are.
You, I'm snot.
I'm sorry, Tanhauser.
That's why my archetype for this party is healer.
I didn't want to hear it from you, snot, but you know what?
I'm sorry, Ruhua.
Wait, you're not.
I, I mean, apology accepted.
Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk.
Why?
I'm fucking sitting here with my head in one hand.
I'm just, I'm just sitting here like, did you fuckers miss me?
Like, has it been this bad?
Looks around.
Who's that?
Who's that voice?
Wouldn't it be nice?
He's not revealed yet.
Don't worry, his voice isn't.
I go back to my.
I forgive you.
You made me waste a spell slot on you a couple sessions ago.
And you know what?
I was really chewing on that for quite some time.
Why aren't you a horse anymore, by the way?
I don't know.
How do you do that whole horse thing?
Ruhua looks down at his hands.
I'm a horse where it counts, Tanhauser.
Don't ever see that.
On the inside, I wish I was still a horse.
You think I'm talking about.
You ka-chunk, ka-chunk.
Here's a new idea.
Why don't we all stop talking?
None of you deserve sponsorship.
No, even me?
Well, you're pretty cool, Vina.
Yay.
This elevator is tearing us apart.
Wait a minute.
Is that a feature of the Black Papacy?
Is there some kind of gas in the air that makes us argue?
No, we finally got to talk to each other, and now it's not working.
Wait, you know, Vina, that's actually a very good point.
I think that's why they call it Argon.
Oh, I push Ruhua off the elevator.
Uh, Ruhua, you fall two feet as the elevator finishes.
It's the center of the chunk.
I don't care.
Oh, damn.
Fight yourselves.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I need to get stuck on that.
Vina, that was really fucked up.
You could have killed that guy.
Nah, he's been through worse.
Also, it's the captain.
That guy, what's his name?
I was a horse.
Well, that's Ruhua.
So, that's the captain.
Ruhua sticks his eye on him.
Hello, I'm Ruhua.
Yeah, he says.
Hi, I'm Ka-Chunk.
I push Ka-Chunk.
How are you alive?
Been here the whole time.
I make the sound effects and I rotate the thing.
Well, that's fantastic.
Then you can tell us.
Where are we?
We're on a very serious and dramatic mission.
Arn raises a hand.
Can I ask him a question?
Yes.
Mr. Ka-Chunk?
Yes?
Do you think elevators should be ran by man or machine?
I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna get you, Burr-Boy.
Ooh, that's a good question.
As a person who operates an elevator on my own,
I do think that sometimes an elevator should be operated by a person.
Or at least regularly inspected by one
to ensure that it won't just kill people randomly.
That's a tragedy.
Can I use a hero point to declare a narrative declaration?
Yes.
Sure.
I don't even know what it is.
I'm already excited.
Awesome.
Cool.
Ka-Chunk is a flesh warp that is pressed underneath this elevator.
Oh, yeah.
100%.
Yeah.
He's like a giant ring.
Yeah.
No.
He's like an ooze morph type thing.
Yeah, and he extends and shifts down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's like a massive human worm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like in Dune.
Does he have better go get a scotch?
Like in Dune.
Like in Dune.
I guess worms in Dune don't talk.
Wait, hold on a second.
Who's talking anymore?
Oh, God.
I don't know.
It's some kind of flesh elevator.
After getting his answer, Oren will come up to the rest of the party
and be like, well, I've never faced any vampires before,
but I don't know what quite to expect,
but just want to make sure everyone's all topped off.
During this time, I'd like to assume I've helped heal everybody
and bandage it went up and give them worms.
And yeah, you're all healed up and ready for the next encounter.
Zoran, real quick.
Chat's reminding me I have to take a hero point away from Rahua.
Please do that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, why am I losing a hero point?
Because you did something in a prior session in chat's reminding me,
and I trust chat implicitly.
Hey, what did you like to know, horse boy?
Damn.
You're not recovering from that one, okay?
I would like to pause it.
I raised my little stump arm.
Take your solid legs.
I would like to pause it.
Uh-huh.
The people really like to gaslight me, and I think chat's lying.
Ooh.
Chat, are you going to take that from this fucking asshole?
Wow.
Law and order, Denton.
All right.
Speaker, I think Rahua has neither of those.
Neither of what?
Fucking her asshole?
Yeah.
True.
Well, he did that sentence earlier that did imply the presence of horse-like.
On the inside.
On the inside.
So it's internal, but that doesn't stop it from existing.
No, he said it.
Rahua turns away from the party.
I want to shut up.
No, no.
Chat's reminded me.
You brought up something to do with the fucking cutie mark last session.
You, yeah, you're, yeah.
That's what chat says.
It sounds familiar, too.
I don't remember that at all.
I'm trusting this one person in chat.
You know what?
Yes, in my notes here, we discussed what Rahua had as a cutie mark, and I know that I did exclaim
that it should be the anarchy symbol.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I really just have to imagine in my heart of hearts that, Salty, as you said, in my notes,
we discussed what Rahua's cutie mark would be, but that's the moment Erndel sat back down
and started pouring the drink.
Almost certainly.
Absolutely.
Well, Erndel can have all the rights to complain.
He shouldn't have left the campaign, allowed me to slip in here.
I was overseas.
I had no say in the matter.
He didn't leave.
He was on vacation.
I was on vacation, and the thing I learned from this vacation is I should never take vacations.
What is a vacation, if not a tactical leave?
Yeah, one might say that, Hulky.
You know what I'm talking about.
I'm looking at you.
I'm looking at you, boy.
You know what I'm talking about.
I know you're looking at me.
I told you that you were going to have a good time in Serbia, but no, you just didn't want
to listen.
Togo is on your head.
I don't think we're allowed to talk about Togo.
We're not.
I don't think we are.
I think he should be shot.
I agree.
Speaking of getting shot.
We're going to get shot by some vampires.
So what can we expect from this Black Papacy, and especially where do you think they have
the stake for Papa, or not Papa Storm.
That's a different one for Uncle Blaze.
Well, if I had to guess, we are likely to be facing their hordes of deranged acolytes.
We can expect numbers, most likely, or a single powerful entity at its circle.
I admit, I did not interface much with the Black Papacy, and any who are wise in Golgotha will do the same.
They are dark, mysterious, and tolerated only by the whims of Lord Golgotha himself.
That sounds like something a vampire would say.
Is this real?
Is this real?
Are you doing this?
It did bring us to the vampire's hair.
Where, where, where on my body, where my body, where the, I take off the hose.
Or like, takes his hand and like, like shoves the mask back on.
He's like, let's not do that.
Oh yeah, I'm just saying, I'm like, oh, where do I suck the blood?
I don't, I don't have that.
Doc, that's a myth.
Vampires scrape, and then they lick.
What?
I, well, where's my tongue?
Dude in the hole will presumably, I don't want to know.
Snog starts walking.
Yeah.
Uh, I just, uh, turn her helmet around the other way so that the eye holes are on the back of her head, and then I keep walking.
I have been forsaken.
I'm gone.
The light.
The light.
Around, around you is a, is a stone sort of facade here.
It looks like it's been carved expertly with dark stone.
However, up ahead is what can only be described as a fluorescent pink glow that permeates through cracks in the walls and what appear to be windows installed at regular points to admit light in.
Where does the light come from?
She says as she corrects her helmet.
That's a great question.
Uh, are there any, like, fluorescent, like, mushrooms or anything nearby?
Any alternative sources of light?
A nuclear radioactive site?
No, it just, it just seems to be glowing from within the walls.
Orn might like to do a perception check, along with Gorgomonger.
Sure.
Can I do a crafting check?
Yeah.
It's awesome.
Orn rolls and gets a 30 on the die, and also, if you, if you're wondering, by the way, what, there's no 3D dice rolling, I decided to break it.
So, we'll get that fixed next episode.
Don't worry.
Yeah, every, every, everything went wrong today in terms of tech, so we do apologize.
Uh, so if you're watching this, going like, why is it just stuff as it was?
That, it, everything broke, so we do apologize.
And Gorgomonger got a 20 on the die.
Or got a 20 total for perception.
Okay.
Um, Orn, as you're looking at this light, what you're able to detect is that it's, the light isn't constant.
It's like there's movement in the light, as though the light were being strained through, like, a fluid or something along those lines.
Can I, um, like, suddenly want to do a crafting check.
I don't want to stop that first.
Uh, after a salty crafting check, I would like to do a nature to kind of determine, like, are we in a fluid tank of some sort, you know?
Okay.
Give me, give me that crafting check, yeah.
Uh, yeah.
So, I also have, just in case it might be useful, I have a crafter's appraisal, allowing me to identify at least magical items, uh, with a crafting check, if need be.
In case you want to fluff that in some kind of way.
I also remember have Lord Goblin, Golgoth, and Warfare.
Uh, but I will roll my crafting check, and I roll a total of 29, uh, because I got a 7.
It's, it's, it's enough to, to confirm that whatever this substance is, which you can't quite identify, there is some kind of fluid moving through the walls here that's emanating this, this illumination.
Wall.
As Oren's looking around, he's like, I think we're, I, I think we're in a ball of goop.
That's a 23 on the nature check.
If we all had an alchemist or something around us, that would be super useful.
23 is not quite enough, Oren, to let you know what this is.
This is, this is incredibly weird and off-putting.
Like, yeah.
And the, the way that it's moving, it's, it could be a natural phenomenon in the walls, it could be, like, part of some, some larger sort of apparatus here that's not natural.
You're just not sure.
Yeah.
Or at least the rest of the party.
It's very off-putting now that you know that the light is, like, has this filter in, like, you can almost see the, the light undulating.
Could I take a, take a look at it with a, um, uh, arcane?
Or, absolutely.
Uh, occultism would be.
All right, let's rock.
That is a 32.
There is often a, a, a thing associated with Golgotha, a, a, a resource, a lifeblood, if you will, um, which is used as a trading commodity.
Um, it's, you know, thought to be more akin to gasoline.
Or, you know, the black blood of Golgotha.
Um, this might be the progenitor of that truth.
This almost takes some of the sort of embellished versions of, like, Golgothan oil and makes them strangely real.
I see.
So what I'm staring at right now is earth blood.
No way.
That's right.
No way.
I've seen things called people car over, flood that stuff, like, that stuff burns, that stuff burns, that stuff put in fuel tanks.
It doesn't move like this, unless something's in it.
Part of me is curious enough to want to fling a match into this.
Uh, the other part of me is smart enough not to, uh, do that.
But I do think about it, at least.
It would be really funny, right?
It would be a related question.
Uh, what's your backup character like?
Yeah, well, you know, I'm sure we'll figure out if we can match into this.
Hey, thanks for playing Rucker and everybody.
I can see the comments already.
God, who would have thought that they would have ended their show in a message about fossil fuels?
God.
True.
Then it, afterwards, it will just be Balin, a Baldrick adventure.
Where all of us play support characters to Baldrick.
I don't think, I don't think Baldrick can carry it on his own.
I need other, I need people who are convincing and entertaining people to be around the void of charisma that is Baldrick.
They're all just other characters with different shaped bucket helmets.
Yeah, where all those wanted posters actually were real.
There was the triangle guy and the circle guy.
I'm going back to the cellar.
Get me out of here.
So, Oren kind of, like, begins to walk forward at this point.
He's kind of, like, in wonderment looking all around.
He's like, wow.
You know, like, since he hasn't detected any vampires, you know, with his Gorgamonger and Oren vision.
He's just like, he's like, I wonder what they do down here, Mr. Chanhauser.
Nothing good, I can tell you that for free.
You know what?
If this is really his earthblood.
She walks up to one of the windows and just puts a hand on it.
Is it, like, warm?
It's not warm, but you can almost feel, like, a pulsing sound.
Or a sensation, I should say.
She pulls her hand away really quick and goes, if all of this is real earthblood, and I don't know the purity of it, but if it's, like, real, real good stuff.
She turns to, like, Oren, and then to Veena, and then she doesn't look at Chanhauser for too long.
She understands that he knows.
Like, this amount could, like, buy a city-state on its own.
Easy.
And then fuel it.
This is, like, not life-changing amounts of it for one person.
This is, like, life-changing amounts for thousands of people.
Perhaps once we've eliminated whoever dwells down here, we can send this to the rebels and use it to fund our various revolutionary activities.
Who knew that fracking would be the hero of this story?
That's what I'm always saying.
Yeah.
Is it?
Yeah.
I think it's odd there's nobody inside that's basically a place of worship, that it seems.
Oren approaches the altar itself, motioning everyone forward.
So to give some background, as you're traveling through here, it's not like this is just a single, like, large area.
This is, like, multiple tunnels.
Uh, you're passing through various, sort of, um, like, open, open sites that appear to be worshiping areas.
Um, so there are, like, stone pews.
But it's not, like, one central area.
You're, you're going down a hall, and there's, like, dozens of these empty, uh, almost church-like, uh, mega rooms.
So, Tanny?
Yes?
Are there supposed to be people here?
I would imagine so.
But there isn't, is notable and disturbing.
Should we call out?
Hey, Tannhazard, give me a fortitude safe.
Yeah, you got it, boss.
Huh?
Thanks.
Here we go.
Uh, 37.
Nice.
Uh, you feel this, like, slight, um, chest pain.
You kind of recoil a bit.
Doesn't, doesn't hurt.
Just like a sudden shock.
As you feel a similar sensation to when you arrived in Golgotha, this sort of pull, uh, from the, the main arterial hall that heads further into this sort of fluo-pink, uh, dark-lit darkness.
Uh, but deep, deeper down, you, you can sense something is pulling at you.
There's something in this room.
Something pulling at me!
Something dark.
Where in the room about, do you think, uh, I can, can I sense this, uh, bullshit happening?
It's, it's like, it's like down this main arterial hall, so all of these little sub-chapels and whatnot are off of this hall.
Like, going down the main hall, which is going far off into, in, into darkness, um, is, is where you, you feel this, this pull.
There's something waiting for us, down the end of that hallway.
Oh.
Alright.
Like good?
Or like bad?
Like bad.
Oh, no, I don't like that.
No, I'm not a fan of it either.
Well, regardless, we're all here, we're all here together.
We can take it on.
Well said.
Let us away!
And I will, uh, begin, uh, leading the charge down the evil hallway.
Alright, you, you.
You can just very quickly dip into one of the side rooms, the, like, offshoots of the main arterial hallway.
Um, and it's gonna try to be a little stealthy with it.
Okay, yeah, yeah, give me, uh, give me a stealth check.
That's a, I'll give you a 23.
That's not very good.
Yeah, you have this weird feeling that even though you're alone in these, these, like, these side rooms that you're kind of maneuvering through, you, you feel like you're being watched.
E-B-G-B's.
Tannhauser, you continue to lead the way until you find at the end of the hall, and this, this sight sort of sets you back because you're not sure what to do.
There is a vast stone door that is sealed shut.
It's probably 20 feet tall and perhaps 15 to 20 feet wide.
It's engraved with tiny sigils and then sort of a mosaic around it that depicts what appears to be like a, a, a darkened sun.
The, the, the doorway itself doesn't have any of the sort of pink neon glow, but around it does, which sort of almost by proximity illuminates some of the, the crevices and runes in the door with side light that makes them seem to glow, even though they aren't.
Oh.
Is there a, is there a, is there a, is it legible what's engraved in the door?
Um, it is, it is some kind of ancient, like, runic form, some magical script, perhaps.
Um, I guess, do any of you speak necrol?
Ooh.
Necro?
Ooh, no.
Not in this campaign.
No.
Absolutely not.
Okay.
I only speak draconic, strix, and radical.
Radical.
Radical.
Crackatola, dude.
Crackatola.
Hell yeah.
That's what happens when he's kicked the table at night.
Well, you know what it is, what's noting?
Oh, no, I'm like.
I got that, finally.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Why are you in the background?
I finally, I'm like, fuck you, dude.
Hey, good job being on point on that, by the way.
There is no stop.
Good job.
Rua, get a hero point.
Let's go.
I'll get a hero point back.
It's not, it's not a break, thank you.
No, you're fine.
I will say, at the start of this campaign, I asked Thurston, hey, what languages are, like, common to Golgotha?
And he said, you don't need to worry about that.
And I have, like, five unallocated languages.
You know, speaking of unallocated languages, I do have two other unallocated languages after I recently.
Ooh, this is, like, the third time you've pulled this at this campaign.
I...
Well, you've never made me allocate them.
Takes off glasses.
Oh, actually.
Stares at you.
I wanna, I wanna be...
Stares into your soul.
I'm looks at Speaker D.
I'm gonna be on Speaker's side, actually.
Yeah.
I'm, I'm, I'm, cause...
Cause it's the problem I have with Raku, cause by the time we, you get to that point of, like, what language should be affected, you're like, ah, fuck.
Yeah.
So it's...
I will also say...
It's hard to be predictable.
If he is studying these guys, if there is a language that he should have studied, it is the language of his enemies.
That's true.
At that end, Dinosaur, which I did learn at the beginning of this.
I mean, knew all along.
That's true.
That one, though.
That one's already been...
That one's...
I'm sorry, but you can't take that away from me.
Yeah.
Thurston, kill this guy.
Yeah.
True.
Then resurrect him as a vampire.
Then kill him again.
Oh.
Fuckers have hero points.
The Creases J's.
Yeah, but we don't wanna use them.
Okay.
Well, then don't read it, though.
Voice in the air.
I get back, and I have to endure watching this.
You don't get back!
You're not back!
People pay for this!
I grab Speaker very tightly, and his head turns into a crushed matchstick.
I need you to understand.
I can't do this.
I'm going to explode.
I have to say something occasionally.
And head over.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Press the button.
Erdil, I pass you my iconic Rahua crack pipe, and I encourage you to take a hit.
What did that look like?
You need, you guys need to just, you guys need to just, you guys need to just kill.
So, uh...
Statistically, most of the party has been at least once.
I fully apologize, Thurston.
We're out of the...
Uh-huh.
Looking at the door with Necron on it.
He gets back on track.
Sorry.
Oh, so I'm sorry.
Not everybody has died.
Uh, I think that Death's George, Vina over here, uh, is an outlier and should not be counted.
Uh-huh.
Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck.
I misread how the spell works.
I actually can't use it at all.
Uh-oh.
Never mind.
What?
Okay.
I was going to use safe passage, and I was like, oh, cool.
I'll use safe passage and make it 10 foot wide, 10 foot tall, 60 foot long section of terrain that's safe to travel through.
But I realized it just makes that section of that safe to travel through, and it doesn't make a little hole in the wall like I thought it did.
So it would not help in this case.
Yeah, you're going to need some way to get through this door.
An explosive expert would have been really useful right here.
Yes, if only we knew someone like that.
Hmm.
And, like, someone with alchemy could probably figure out what all this earthblood is all about, right?
Probably, yeah.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Someone with more.
I hand Snot a pickaxe.
Time to get chipping.
Okay, boss.
And I start chipping away at the door.
Do I see if there is, like, a, like, is the door locked?
Or is it, um, like, sealed shut?
It's sealed.
There's not, like, a lock on it.
It's just, like, closed shut.
Um, could I, could I use thievery to look for a place on this door where I could find an angle?
You know, find a place where I could, um, slot something in, or just a place to push to open this door?
Yeah, roll.
Can I do the same with crafting?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can I roll the stair at the door?
I have not rolled above a 10.
That is a 26.
We're gonna have a 28.
Welcome back, Odo.
I also got a 26.
You know, um.
My luck's reset.
Hold on.
Rolls George is coming through.
Yeah, see that current.
Ask God for help.
If it's not a crit, you die.
That's true.
Don't worry.
I believe.
I got the crafting check.
Hold on.
Here we go.
Craft it.
Oh, yeah.
You die.
Okay.
It's all coming together.
It's all coming back to you.
That's what I...
So...
You know, like, the whole program Boomerang?
When they said the catch rate?
It's all coming back to you.
It took me so long to go,
Oh, that's what that means.
Yeah.
Five person I stopped you.
Go ahead.
I just, like...
This is the scene, right?
Is four people, like, I don't know,
hands on their chins,
like, looking at this door,
like, heads going side to side,
debating how best to...
How best to handle this situation.
You know, an 11th level party
stopped by a door.
It's a big door.
Welcome back to Rock Grind, everyone.
It's a door here.
It has words on it.
I'm picking away at it.
Yeah, we'll get to it.
It's not...
Give me a...
Nice check.
Yeah.
Got you, boss.
I roll a total of 25.
Give me a fortitude save.
Heck yeah.
All right.
I roll a fortitude save for a total of 32.
You're, like, very industrious at this.
Like, you're...
You've got, like, a good...
Maybe four inches off of this door, maybe.
Is there any machinery this deep in?
Or is it, like, just stone?
It's just stone.
And the rest of you that are looking at it now
with your various checks are like,
hmm, there's probably some kind of magical trigger
or some magical, like, inlay in the door,
and there's probably some magical way to open this.
That couldn't possibly be true.
Snod turns around and goes...
Can I make a...
Wait a...
Well, Snod, you're going to...
You're going to say something first, Snod.
Go ahead.
Yeah, you want to magic this up, buddy.
I could magic it.
Can I...
Can I make a crafting check to determine...
Yeah, put your hand in the hole.
The thickness of the door.
Put your hand in the hole.
Put your hand in the hole.
It will be so much better.
All my work is not for nothing.
And she walks out of the hole
and starts cuffing up her black lung.
Oh, I...
Damn, Sister, I mean,
Do you have coal?
It's all fuel.
It's all fuel.
It's all fuel.
If one...
If one piece of fire damage
is done in this area,
we're all dying.
It's...
It's not her...
It's not coal.
Her lungs just did that.
Oh, okay.
That's fine.
I can live with that.
Thirsten, can I attempt to glean
how thick this door actually is?
What kind of check are you
going to give me?
I would like to give you...
You think crafting would apply here?
You know, you already gave me
a crafting check above.
What if I gave you...
Okay.
Now, it's...
It's all Earthblood
all the way down.
And, in a way,
it's part of the world.
And I could gauge
relative density and thickness
because it's more natural.
Could I get a nature check, perhaps?
Sorry, sorry.
I need to prove...
Can I do a backflip?
Can I do a backflip?
Yeah, give me an acrobat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Three acrobatics.
As a fucking door defeats all of you.
As the 11th level, like, mega party
is defeated by a fucking door.
I am.
And to be fair to us,
we've been rolling really bad.
Oh, so bad, Thurston, please.
Thurston, it's a massive,
cool, magical vampire door
fueled by gas.
We're in for the vibes,
not the obstacles.
Exactly.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Anyway, I got 41.
I need to point this out.
I need to point this out.
This is me being, like,
a petty, catty bitch, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
In Starfinder.
Yeah?
Yes.
There's a cantrip that exists.
Yeah?
Uh-huh.
It's called Measure.
It's a one-action cantrip
where you learn the approximate measurements
of creatures and objects you can observe.
That's awesome, Thurston.
That's great.
Hey, uh...
What does that have to do with the door?
Yeah.
Everyone online is like,
this thing is stupid.
And meanwhile, like,
Hulky's like,
how can I figure out the dimensions
of this door?
If I only had a measure!
That's right.
Um, could I try a solution?
Sure.
All right.
I just want to make sure
I'm not stepping on anybody's toes.
Everyone's kind of tried
the first things that came to mind, right?
We did our best.
I agree.
Please save me from picking my way
through the door.
Yeah, I'm going to spend a hero point
to find the service entrance.
The service entrance.
Okay, okay.
We need Balderbeck.
Okay, give me, give me.
Take the hero point.
Take the hero point off the board, please.
Thanos is here.
Okay.
Take the hero point.
Hey, guys!
I assume, I assume
Thanos are at this point
you're going to,
you're going to start, like,
going in through some of those,
like, side chapels
being like,
there's got to be something I miss.
We can't be.
Actually, I would prefer
it just kind of be in the same room.
Just a giant glowing sign, maybe,
that says, like,
black papacy staff only.
It's like the OSHA mandated exit sign
over the emergency exit.
Yeah, yeah.
There's, like,
there's, like, lights
actually drawing our attention.
We just, we just first
looked at this door
and it kind of captured us.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
This is the worst,
best game ever.
It's,
it's,
I,
the monkey's paw curls.
Oh, we are so good
at Pathfinder.
We are so good
at Pathfinder.
There's also a door
on the service entrance.
It's a different part of this one.
I hope it's thicker.
Hey,
hey, Thurston.
Mm-hmm.
Can I,
can I step in
for a moment here?
Please.
So,
Tannhauser,
you find
the service entrance door,
right?
Yeah.
You see that it
has a similar door
locking it
from the large door,
correct?
Yeah.
Someone will have to
use their hero point
to get rid of that.
No.
See,
because
that door
opens
from the other side.
You,
you know,
if you figure this out,
because on the other side
of that door
is Baldrick.
what are you doing here?
I thought you were dead.
What?
No.
Oh,
no,
I'm sorry.
I thought you were back
at the airship.
Sorry,
it was the other one.
Who's this?
Orin knocks loudly
on the door.
Which door
are you knocking on?
The one that opened?
The service entrance door
or the main one?
The main one.
I don't know about that.
that's up to Thurston
at this point.
Like,
very loud.
You can knock on the
Kong Kong Kong.
That's what Baldrick
you walk out to see
is the loud service entrance
being banged on by Orin.
Is Baldrick here?
Yes,
he walks out
from inside
the opening service entrance.
Oh,
oh,
thank God,
Baldrick.
Yeah,
you,
you guys kind of
left me on the ship
for quite a long time.
I had to try
and find my way down here
by the time I caught up
to you,
the elevator was already
gone.
So,
we're holding down
the fort.
I left it up
to some of the other
people on board.
Hey,
yo,
you're a goblin too?
No.
Who are you?
It's not a goblin.
This is new Baldrick.
I,
why?
Why?
My name is
not a goblin.
It's not a goblin.
Yeah,
the,
the ships
should,
the ships
should be fine
for now.
I'm just down here
for a quick jaunt
because it,
well,
I figured you guys
might actually need
some assistance
whatever's going on
down here
and,
well,
you know.
He turns around
and motions
to the literal,
like,
closet-sized
service entrance
that exists here
and the room itself
is,
like,
maybe a 5x5x10
foot-sized room
with a vent.
And there is,
there is a single,
there's a single vent duct
that is lying
on the floor
from inside.
Well,
unless you're
some kind of
alchemist specialist
or an explosive guy,
I don't know
what help you're gonna be.
None of us
can figure this out.
No,
I could do that.
What?
Yeah,
one side.
What?
And Baldrick
steps,
steps,
a little bit
past snot
at this point
and he begins
rooting around
on his bag.
What are you guys
stuck on here?
I can hear you
through the door.
I was just kind of
waiting for one of you
to approach it,
so.
The big door.
The door,
yeah.
The big door.
It's a pretty
pernicious,
heavy door
that is
apparently enchanted
by ancient vampire magic
that,
frankly,
it would be difficult
for anyone to crack.
You really can't
blame us at all.
That's true.
You,
all right,
so I'm gonna,
I'm gonna clarify
something here.
You got held up
by this door.
Massive door,
yeah.
I know it's,
I know it's a massive
door,
I can see it's a massive
door.
The problem is,
it's,
did you not bring
anything with you guys
to open anything
down here?
It doesn't have a lock,
so I'm,
I'm,
I'm a limb pass.
We just came here
from,
from having to kill
a general.
It was a lot of work
to get here.
I almost died then.
These are two valid
questions though.
Okay,
okay,
I can,
you,
you had a hard time,
I'll make this easy for you.
Give me a second.
And Baldrick,
like,
crouches down.
He crouches down
and opens up
like his pack
and he begins
cobbling a few things
together.
So what does
this guy do?
He's an alchemist.
It's pretty cool.
Why?
I can hear you talking,
you know,
this thing is not
render me deaf.
It doesn't?
Oh.
Why didn't we have
that guy?
Wait,
I,
so who has just
been doing
ASL for like
the entire,
series of rock grinds
for nothing?
His idea,
his idea,
like to his face,
he couldn't hear me
through the helmet
if his flap
wasn't facing me.
His idea of ASL
is just speaking.
I mean,
you know,
it works for most people.
Why wouldn't it work
for the deaf?
That's what I think
Rahua thinks.
Well,
yeah,
doesn't ASL,
doesn't that stand for,
ah,
scream loudly.
I love you,
Hulky.
You're the best.
Thurston,
I would like
to craft
a coring charge,
but I'm noting
that this door
is probably
a fair bit
thicker than usual.
Can I do
something to
sweeten the deal
and perhaps craft
some kind of
better coring charge?
Because I think
the normal one
probably won't cut it.
Also,
we are surrounded
by a bunch
of flammable goo.
How do you know
it's flammable?
They said
it was
earthblood,
which is
flammable.
Baldrick,
do you want
to give me
a crafting check
on the earthblood?
Earthblood this,
earthblood that.
Let me take a look
at this crap.
Baldrick will stand
over next to
the,
uh,
the wall
and here,
the wall,
the window,
whatever we're calling it,
and he's going
to very carefully
inspect the,
uh,
thing.
I have a question,
Thurston.
Yes.
What
bonus,
do I get any bonuses
for knowing anything
about this kind of stuff?
Probably not
at this juncture
because if it is
whatever earthblood is
specifically,
I'm just going
based off of crafting,
right?
Yeah,
not,
not off this one,
but give me the check.
We'll see how it,
let's see,
let's see how my first roll
in
several months
goes.
Yay.
Oh no.
27.
You stare at it.
Can I roll it?
Actually,
I'm going to use a hero
point to reroll that.
You can.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Thanks.
So he's got to roll
above a 28.
Nice.
You stare at it.
You see the undulation,
undulating movements.
You recognize the
consistency inside.
The illumination
throws off
lesser minds,
but Baldrick is
far superior.
Don't say that.
You can tell
that
the,
the,
the,
the,
like the equations
dance to the air
in front of your
bucket visor.
Don't turn me into,
don't turn me into
Benedict Cumberbatch
Sherlock.
I'll punch you.
At that point,
Ruhua gets a text
message and it
pops up on the
screen.
And then we cut
back to you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
And,
Baldrick,
you recognize
that a few
things.
This,
this substance
is,
is magically
infused.
And generally,
a lot of magically
infused,
how chemicals
aren't particularly
flammable.
And if they are,
they're sort of just
like immediate
combustion.
It's not like it
would spread through
everything and
explode the whole
underground system.
That would be,
that would be a very
big defense flaw for
them.
So it probably
wouldn't work like
that.
Because the second
someone throws a
single match in.
Yeah,
exactly.
But you can also
tell that the door
and the construction
of the door,
as,
as,
you know,
you're,
you're,
you've got like a,
like,
triangles now coming
into your equation.
The construction of
the door showcases
that none of this
substance is entering
into it.
So setting up a
courting charge near
the center of the
door to build a
passage for all of
you to go through
wouldn't even hit
any of this liquid
anyways.
And even if the
liquid were to be
contacted,
it's not like the
whole installation
would occur.
I was kind of
hoping everything
would explode,
but I guess I'll
do that.
That works for me.
It sure would solve
one problem to blow
up this entire place,
but I feel like it
would create a fun
new problem.
Vina,
Vina,
Vina,
Baldrick just took
toughness.
He can take it.
You know what?
Causing a massive
earth shattering
nuclear,
nuclear level
explosion can in
fact be negated by
just being a tough
guy.
I understand.
That is true.
It's true.
I went from having
112 health to
140.
It was incredible.
Yeah,
sure.
Anyway.
All right.
In that case,
I will prep a
single coring charge
and just cobble
everything together
using my usual
reagents and
infused goods
until there is
just a simple
sack filled with
all kinds of
small bottles and
catalysts that
Baldrick kind of
just walks over
to the door
after looking it
up and down
left to right
knocking his
knuckle against
it for a moment
and then just
squarely planting
it in the
center.
You guys might
want to get
behind something
like usual.
That isn't me
or Ruhua.
I missed you,
Baldrick.
I get behind
Ruhua.
I just said not
to do that.
Well, but I
thought it was
reverse psychology.
No, I'm saying
get behind something.
I'm not structurally
sound enough.
I'm saying get
behind something so
the blast doesn't
knock you on your
ass.
All right, I'll get
behind something.
I get behind Ruhua
again.
It's going to be
bad.
All right.
Well, it's not
not going to be
colossal.
I've only messed
with it a little
bit.
Corring charges
meant for break
taking down
buildings, blowing
holes in walls.
Orange starts
going behind
something, but he
kind of quickly
pitter-patters to
Baldrick and gives
him a hug going,
I missed you,
Baldrick.
He's like, thanks
for catching up
with us.
And he scurries
back behind like
one of the
altars.
Yeah, you guys
didn't make it
easy on me.
Well, we didn't
exactly have it
easy up until
this point.
Yeah.
It's good that
you're at least
back along with
the gang.
You're going to
have to do some
explaining to do.
I got no idea
what you guys
have been up to
this entire
goddamn time.
I was a horse!
Snot walks
away from Baldrick,
walks up to
Ruhua and goes,
You kept away
the guy who
can make
alchemy shit,
blows up
buildings,
and in
general,
looks like
that.
She points
over to him
from me.
Baldrick raises
a hand and
waves at the
two of you.
To be fair,
he is also
the most
qualified
among us
to keep
the airship
functioning
properly.
It's true.
He's only
real mechanic.
He knows
what to do.
Yeah,
speaking of,
have any of you
seen anything
that could suffice
as a coolant
hose?
Because one up
there ruptured.
Hmm.
I've had to hold
the thing together
with bailing wire,
and if it doesn't
get fixed soon,
it's going to,
well,
probably be really
bad.
I don't know
what happens
when a
core made
of souls
overheats,
but...
I can fix
that.
Orrin panics
and begins
skittering back
to the airship.
Wait,
Orrin,
no!
I don't want
the answer
to explode!
You need
a hose first!
Wait,
hold on,
I have one.
Wait,
you could always,
you could go buy
one at the
store that we
worked at.
I'm sure we still
get an employee
discount.
Orrin skitters
away to the
airship.
Is he going to
fly up the
elevator shaft
with his big
wings?
I mean,
he'd probably
just make the
elevator go back
up.
I mean,
it went back
up for you.
But then you'd
make us wait
for the elevator
to come back
down.
I'll just press
the button
to make it
go down.
You fight.
So I think
we take a long
breath.
There he goes,
looking for
hos.
There he goes.
Fuck you,
Zolti.
He's a real
one.
Proud of him.
All right.
As we prepare
the door,
we're briefly
going to go
over to
Orrin.
Kachunk,
Kachunk.
Hi,
Mr.
Kachunk.
Would you
like to go
up?
Yes,
please.
Oh,
God.
Thank you.
Kachunk,
Kachunk.
The elevator
begins rising.
Orrin stands
on it alone.
This is like a
big picture of a
big elevator and
just a little
guy.
This is just
like Dark
Souls when my
fucking friends
would send it
back up when
it's like,
hang on,
I need to get
out of the
I need to get
out of the
swamp and it's
in Dark
Souls fucking
three and
it's like,
I got to get
up on the
elevator.
You prick,
I need to
get out of
here.
Oh,
well,
Kachunk,
Kachunk.
Yeah,
that is good.
That is a good
question.
I can't remember.
Hey,
Mr.
Kachunk,
how do you
open the big
stone door down
there?
Should have
asked that
before you
turned the
elevator on.
No,
this is funnier.
This is funnier
because I'll know
the answer and
go,
oh,
I guess I'll
figure it out.
And I'm not
even going to
answer it to
you vocally.
We're just
going to cut
back to that.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Oh,
opening that
door is so
easy.
And then it
just comes back
to us sitting
and staring at
it.
The frame goes
where it's like
a pan out
and it's like,
oh,
that's how
you do it.
And then he's
gone.
Perfect.
You just
cut back.
No,
here's the
smash cut.
Oh,
so that's
how you do
and you are
cutting back
to Baldrick
literally injecting
the activating
agent into
the one
into the
one jar
like,
all right.
He's going to
look back and
see everyone
hiding behind
the pews,
I assume.
This looks
like this.
Yep.
All right.
You want to
give me one
more crafting
check here to
see your
souping up
of the
bomb.
Sure.
I'll give
that a shot
with a 37.
Woo.
All right.
I am.
Listen,
I lucked out
because at a
level 11,
I was like,
give me one
more skill.
I was like,
all right,
I'm an expert
of crafting
now.
Do you
happen to have
the number
for coring
charge,
by the way,
Thurston?
Because I,
we don't have
it anymore
because the
swap over
removed them
all.
one sec.
However,
Baldrick will
shout out
fire in the
hall and
he will
immediately
leap over
and mantle
whatever pew
is closest
and land on
top of
snot.
roll me
10d8.
You got it.
54.
That's a good
roll.
All right.
I also have
demolition,
so that will
go significantly
higher.
I just need
to demolition
charge.
Yeah.
Yeah,
it just allows
you to ignore
more.
Okay.
Yeah.
Ignore more
I get
you.
I get
you.
All right.
There's a
kind of
hissing.
It's a
contained
blast.
Yeah,
shape charge.
I wish we
had a big
explosion noise,
but it's
fine.
I'll have
to.
As the
explosion
sort of
dissipates,
you see
something
strange.
coming
coming through
the hole
from the
hole.
You see
that there
is like
an orange
light
that
penetrates.
It's just
coming from
is it like
wafting through
or is it
just light?
it's light
from the
other
side.
So what's
with the
light?
No clue.
By the way,
that was
beautiful.
Thanks.
Could you get
out from under
me,
please?
Of course.
squishes
herself from
out from
under him.
The liquid.
The liquid.
Crawls along
the floor
like the
grudge.
The grudge.
I do have
like,
I do have,
let's see if I
actually do have
it.
I think I did
pick it.
No,
sadly not.
Fuck it
then.
Snod will
start to
scamper towards
the orange
light.
I'll check
it out.
Hey,
where the
for fuck?
Come on,
you three.
If they
didn't already
know we're
here,
they definitely
do now.
I just
assume,
Snod,
that your
mech suit
construct can
be deployed
via Pokeball
if you need
to.
That's the
assumption I
was going
off of as
well.
Yeah,
no,
like,
yeah,
I imagine
the idea
that she's
always dragging
it behind
her like
she's at
the airport
with her
luggage.
Like it's
in a compact
form.
Yeah,
then you
like kick
it and it
goes like
a transformer.
That's a feat
for everyone
who wants to
play an
inventor back
at home.
Yeah.
Is it?
Yeah.
That's so
funny.
Snod says,
I'm going to
turn into a
truck now.
Burk.
Dude,
that is
Tannhauser.
That is
literally
what her
mech is.
Tannhauser,
as the
door is
blown,
like a
section,
I should
say,
but a
five-foot
section is
blown up,
but you
feel a
just like
overwhelming
attraction
to enter.
we must
move forward.
Something in
my bones
is telling
me this
is the
way.
I'd
certainly
hope so,
considering we
just blew a
hole through
it,
but I
got no
idea where
we're going.
I'll move
forward.
I'll find
the path
forward.
The path
is clear.
you go
through first,
Tannhauser,
followed by
your allies.
As you
enter this
chamber,
you find
that it is
bathed in
this orange-red
light.
The orange
coming from
the far
end of
the chamber,
which itself
has stone
pews.
Unlike the
other
off-
sections
you've
seen,
though,
this place
has a
fine red
carpet,
though you
can tell
that the
carpeting in
here isn't
red from
color,
it's red
from blood
stained.
The pews
here are
similarly
stained,
as there
is sloshes
of blood
that have
been spattered
around the
room,
and at the
far end
opposite the
way you're
entering from
past lines
of pews
are two
things.
One,
a robed
figure that
has almost
skeletal
fingers and
looks up with
an emaciated
face,
something,
an appearance
you've seen
before long
ago,
and behind
it,
floating
almost
impossibly
in the
air,
behind an
altar that
separates it
and the
robed figure,
it appears
to be
a miniature
sun.
And as you
enter and
see all of
this,
as you
enter and
you see
all of
this,
the robed
figure looks
up at
you,
and in a
rasping
voice,
you haven't
heard for
some time,
you hear,
I have
been expecting
you.
and let's
take a break
here.
Let's go
stretch our
leggies.
Now that is a
guy we haven't
seen in a
while,
huh?
The guy
from the
start,
from the
start.
That's our
old guy.
We end
as we
began.
You ever
wonder how
we can
afford all
this amazing
art and
keep the
production
going and
narrative
declaration?
Well,
it's because
of you.
Either you're
a member of
Patreon,
a YouTube
member,
or a
Twitch
subscriber,
all the
way to
just someone
who's just
willing to
watch the
shows whenever
they come
out for
free and
then telling
people that
we exist,
it's thanks
to you that
narrative
declaration is
able to
grow to
the size
it is
today.
And if
you want
to really
help it
grow even
more,
all the
revenue that
we get
from our
merch store
at
narrative
declaration.
shop,
where you
can pick
up game
mats,
t-shirts,
posters,
all sorts of
things,
that also goes
directly into
supporting
artists,
animators,
editors,
players,
game masters,
anybody,
anybody who
helps make
everything to
be due here
successful.
So thank you
so much to
you for
supporting the
show,
either it's
monetarily or
just with your
time.
Thank you so
much and
enjoy the
show.
So then I
started blasting.
No,
really?
You just
blasted like
that?
You were just,
that just
happened?
It did.
It's a medical
condition,
Thurston,
and healthcare
is not cheap
here in the
US.
So yeah,
I did.
I blasted
everywhere,
all over
everything.
Are you happy
to hear about
that?
Does that make
you feel good?
No,
as a Canadian
that makes me
actually deeply
sad for you
and I kind of
want to give
you a hug.
So shall
we talk to
the flame,
the fume
congregant,
please?
Because I'm
actually intrigued
as to what he
has to say.
That sounds
like a good
idea.
Yeah.
He stands
there at the
opposite end,
like beneath
this sort
of smoldering
sun that
kind of burns
behind him,
giving the
room this
strange orange
glow compared
to the fluorescent
pink you've
been deluged
with since
entering this
subterranean
realm.
Identify
yourself.
you know
me as
I know
you.
Den
Ozer,
you remember
that temple
we fell
into?
Yes,
I do.
I've got
that eerie
feeling now
as I did
then.
Spoke with
him before.
I know
that.
He's just
rather far
away.
I wanted
to make
sure.
Why don't
we get
closer?
This is a
manifestation
of what?
Papa Blaze?
Uncle Blaze,
but yeah.
Why don't we
get closer
then?
Hey, Thurston,
do I know
this guy?
No.
No, you
have no idea
what this is.
Like, this is
just like a
charred flesh
humanoid in
robes.
This thing
is incredibly
strange and
out of place.
Like, it's not
even a member
of the Black
Papacy, so
it wouldn't be
in any of
your, like,
children's, you
know, children's
novels about
the Black
Papacy.
So from
Snot's
perspective,
not only did
Baldrick come
in, push
all this
through, saved
us, essentially,
went through
this, and when
we enter the
door and this
thing goes,
I know you
as you know
me, and
then Baldrick
explains it,
Snot has
realized he's
the captain.
Oh, fuck.
He's the
guy.
We're the
side crew.
No, don't
tell me.
Ah.
Baldrick's the
main character.
You heard it
here first.
Fuck.
Don't do this
to me.
Grow up.
Don't do this
to me.
I have no
charisma on
Baldrick.
He has no
charisma at
all, because
I deferred it
to go to
Vena, because
I was tired of
playing the
face.
Load-bearing
charisma character.
Fuck me.
I literally
hid my face
with a bucket.
Fuck.
That was
here.
What?
Can we talk
to this guy?
Who is this
guy?
Well, don't
expect enlightening
conversation.
I mean,
it's in the
light.
This is likely
an aspect of
one of the
elemental gods
sealed away.
When last we
spoke to them,
I received a
vision, if I
recall correctly.
Snott leans
against her
mech and
looks at him
like, huh?
Hmm?
You just said
some shit,
Tenhelzer.
Have you been
keeping things
away from me?
Have you just
not mentioned
that?
There's a lot
of things that
have happened
to me in my
life.
I mean, I'm
mostly robot.
Yeah, but you
could have
mentioned, like,
you know,
locked away
deities and
stuff like that.
I'm pretty sure
we did mention
it at least
once.
Look, we're
ignoring the
important thing
in the room,
which is to
say, and
Baldrick points
over to the
fume congregant,
him, and
also, he
points his
fingers slightly
further upward
at the giant
glaring orb that
is filling the
room with a
horrible orange
light.
I'll begin
moving forward
to go meet
with the
flame man.
How far up
can I go
before you
start combat,
Thurston?
I'm not going
to run all the
way up to him,
but I will
try to keep
pace with
Tenhauser.
Move where
you need to.
Move where
you think
conversation
would be
fine.
No.
What?
Tenhauser
being 70
feet away
from me.
This is
about probably
where I'd
be comfortable
speaking with
this guy.
With the
sun in your
face.
Assuming
like I
don't begin
catching a
flame and
thousands of
evil gargoyles
begin picking
away at my
flesh.
Give me a
fortitude
save,
Tenhauser.
I'd love
to.
That's
going to be
a 34.
Your flesh
is intact.
You feel
the heat,
though.
like this
thing is
radiating.
Not as
much as
it probably
should,
but
definitely
hot.
What has
brought you
here?
Speak now
and clearly
that I may
free you.
I was
always here.
as I
left you
a message.
So I
waited here
for you
to come
and fulfill
it.
I see.
Well,
we are here
now.
What would
you have us
do
behind me?
Like,
and you
could tell,
obviously,
like,
referencing
the sphere
of molten
energy.
That
is what
you will
need.
An essence
to brave
the flames.
But to take
it,
you must
sacrifice.
what must
I
sacrifice?
What will
you sacrifice?
The strength
of the flame
is dependent
on the
amount
sacrificed.
What you
give is
what you
will receive.
Should you
offer
something
paltry?
The defense
is offered
will be
equally
paltry.
I don't
like saying
it,
but
I'm
kind of
happy
that the
poultry
boy ain't
here.
What's
up?
That's
a different
word,
different
word.
He said
paltry,
not
poultry.
Oh.
there must
sacrifice
something of
value.
Must only
I do
this?
It is
yours,
your choice
to take
this
waited for
you
as each
other
waits for
another.
must this
thing be
tangible?
What is
tangible
for such
a sacrifice?
let me show
you.
I am
going to
reach
into
my
jacket
and
I am
finding
actually
that I
am
lacking
an
accoutrement
for this,
which I
don't believe
is true.
I mean,
I even
have a
sword
on my
on my
art,
but it
seems like
I don't
have one
in my
inventory.
Ray.
Um,
I'll turn
around.
Vina.
Can you
take your
old character
sheet?
It probably
is my
old character
sheet.
I need
to borrow
your blade
for a
moment.
Sure.
Vina's
gonna,
uh,
you know,
turn it
over and
pass the
handle to
him.
Excellent.
I'm
going to
place my
hand
on the
pew
and
I am
going to
lop off
my left
hand.
Oh,
my God.
All right.
All right.
We want to
help him
with that.
Um,
okay.
Let him
cook.
There's a,
there's a
ca-thunk
as the,
as the blade
goes deep
and through.
It doesn't
hurt as much
as the old
one used
to.
And I
suppose I
could always
find a new
one to
replace what
I've lost.
But a hand
is still a
hand.
My body
is still
my body,
even enmeshed
in steel.
I'll present
the severed
hand to the
fume
congregant.
Yeah.
Um,
so you walk
closer?
I,
I'll,
I'll not walk
closer just yet.
I'll hold it
and I'll say,
is this a
worthy sacrifice?
If it is what
you choose,
then it is what
you choose.
But is it
paltry?
I can get
another hand.
I would only
be losing it
until I found
another one.
I need to know
how much
do you need
of me?
That is what
I'm willing
to give,
to take
what is needed
to fight
the foe
that I must.
If you
question it,
is it worthy?
He makes
a good point.
I'll drop
my hand
uselessly
on the floor.
Makes like
a sickly
wet sound
as it
thumps
onto,
onto the,
like,
the bloodied
carpet.
Um,
as,
as it happens,
as though,
like,
explaining
this room,
the,
the remaining
blood fluid
that pumps
into your
hand
is almost
sucked up
immediately
by the
ravenous
carpet,
adding to
its crimson
stain.
Ugh!
These
damn
fools!
What is
this place?
It is
a temple.
older
than the
bones
built
around it.
These
are the
places
you must
seek.
The
temples
to
upend
the
stakes.
but it
waits
still.
What
will you
sacrifice?
I offer
a pledge
then.
That
shall be
my
sacrifice.
for years
I have
toiled
as a
murderer
in these
sands.
I have
brought
death
by blade
by axe.
And I
will swear
an oath
as my
sacrifice
by the
light of
this
shackled
sun.
Nevermore
shall I
take
a life
with
blade
and hand.
my hand
is gone
and
nevermore
will I
grip a
sword
in my
palm.
That
is my
pledge.
That
is my
sacrifice.
That
one who
lived
by the
blade
shall no
longer
wield it.
Now
grant me
your
protection.
Come.
Come and
seal it
in the
blood
that flows
from your
stump.
I will
do this.
Give me
another
fortitude
save.
Sure
thing.
Egg
shield!
Whoa!
Bless you!
Bless you!
Yeah,
you just
sneeze all
over.
It's like
when you
look into
the sun
randomly
and you
like get
an overwhelming
sensation
and you
need to
sneeze.
Is that
only me?
That is
only you,
I'm afraid.
Oh no,
my nerve
damage.
I was
saying,
go to
the doctor,
but I know
you've already
been going
to the
doctor.
Salty,
add it to
the notes
for your
doctor.
Tanhauser,
as you
approach,
the sphere
begins to
flare.
All of
you in the
room feel
the heat,
but Tanhauser,
you manage
to move
your way,
kind of
trudging
through it.
and as
you do,
um,
you take
no damage,
but it's,
it pushes
you,
um,
and you,
you see
the hand,
the skeletal
hand of
the fume
congregant,
like reaching
out,
one,
one finger
sort of
dancing in
the air.
Um,
your allies
who stand
behind the
pews,
um,
behind you
see this
intensity
flaring up,
and as they
see it,
they also
would see
on the
ground,
your,
your hand,
your severed
hand crisps
and turns
into dust
flying back
on the air,
some kind
of extra
intensity
placed on
that as
you make
the final
step towards
this,
this robed
figure,
whose single
finger is
outstretched.
what must I
do?
what must I do?
you have
done
what you
will do,
and we
shall see
if it is
worth.
and his
hand taps
the stump
you have,
and you
feel this
blinding,
sharp
pain go
through your
body.
You feel
all of what
remains of your
nerve endings
alight and on
fire.
It's probably
the most alive
you've felt
since your
accident that
transformed you.
But with
that comes
something else,
some other
something,
something wrong
that,
like,
this fire
that is
burning through
your body
now is
unnatural
and shouldn't
be there.
And as that
happens,
there is this
moment where
it sets in
and you
can recoil
back,
breathing
slightly,
and immediately
at the
end of
that,
the
congregant
crumbles
into dust,
the same
as your
hand,
dissipating
before you.
And as
it does
so,
your severed
hand
reconstitutes,
but does
so only
as a
skeletal
bone
that you
seem to
maintain
control over.
There is no
flesh on it.
it is
simply
bone
that is
now
animate
to your
will,
almost in
mockery to
the metal
components of
your body
and the
full flesh
with which
you have.
And as
that happens,
almost like
going through
the fume
congregant,
the sphere
channels itself
through him
and into you
and into
your body
and in a
sudden,
almost
seismic
shake,
the sphere
simply
disappears.
What a mess.
Hey,
Gamebester,
I have
super cool
cooling gloves
on me and my
mech.
Can,
now that the big
ball is gone,
can I run up
and cool down
Tannhauser as
much as
possible?
Yeah,
absolutely.
Awesome.
She's gonna run
in with her
mech,
like,
as quickly as
possible and
try to cool
this guy down
as we saw him
be fucking
lit a flame.
Are you good?
Are you good?
Yes,
yes,
yes,
I'm,
I still
stand.
Yeah,
that pain,
I haven't felt
anything like it
in quite some
time.
Brother,
that was the
most cold
golden shit
I've ever
seen,
and I've
seen so
much sand.
Thank you.
I,
now look
and I
realize I
now have
a cool
skeleton
hand.
You're
like the
skeleton
warrior.
I need
to invest
in a
glove,
I think.
I think
you're gonna
need to
explain to
me what
the hell
you just
did.
I saw
some sort
of oath
for protection.
I tried
to give
them my
hand,
they wouldn't,
well,
I had
doubt,
unless it
wouldn't have
been a
worthy
offering.
So instead,
I am now
seemingly
to gain
protection
from these
scouring
flames.
I am
now obligated
to no longer
wield a
weapon.
Whoa.
But you
can't kill
people anymore.
Gee,
well,
obviously,
yes.
never
again
shall I
do it
with my
hands.
It must
not be
done with
a blade.
That's so
sad.
Well,
as long as I
find it
appropriate,
I guess I
don't really
care.
You still
feeling all
right over
there?
yes.
Yes.
But the
conflagration,
it did
bid me
base that
the rest
of us
are likely
to be
called upon
to make
this
sacrifice.
Not you,
Snot,
though you're
great still.
Whoa.
What?
Well,
if you do
find a weird
god that
requires me
to do a
sacrifice,
you can tell
him that I'm
not here,
okay?
if a god
tells me to
get you,
I'm gonna
let you
know about
it.
That would
be weird.
I don't
fuck around
with gods
for a
reason,
you know?
Hennessy.
Wrong.
Blasphemous.
I didn't
say anything.
It's all
those guys
hungering for
snot.
Baldrick,
now,
I'm gonna
preempt
this,
Baldrick's
gonna pull
out the
grenade
launcher.
Yeah,
three figures
float
into the
room.
Those guys
look so
sick.
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
They
float
into the
room.
They have
strange,
almost
mechanical
backpacks
that pump
this neon
pink fluid
around their
bodies.
Their faces
are this
emaciated
gray
ash,
and they
wear steel
plates of
some manner.
Their hands
are outstretched
like claws,
their bottom
where the
robes should
touch the
floor is
instead like
a smoky
color.
And
Snot and
Tannhauser,
you recognize
them as
congregants
of the
Black
Papacy.
Oh,
that looks
so sick.
That's
fire.
This
place is
sealed,
sealed.
You should
not be here.
We close
this for a
reason,
heresy.
All right,
these three
figures float
into the
chamber.
And
they don't
look too
happy with
you,
everybody.
Why were
you keeping
this sun
in your
deep
catacombs?
Um,
they look
up,
and as
they sort
of make
eye contact,
you hear
them speak
off from
each of
them slightly.
This is
not ours.
We sealed
this place.
It is
not ours.
It is
older,
not
ours.
You
must not
know.
They
must not
know.
We
are the
oldest.
That
is what
they must
think.
You
must die.
After
you,
scum.
I think
they're mad
about their
door.
I'd be
mad too.
True.
I think
the
existence
of this
place
hints at
the fact
that they
haven't
exactly
been
truthful
with
their
congregants.
We got
speaker
coughing,
we got
Roshi.
Roshi!
Maybe so.
I may
just
roll some
perception
initiative,
and I,
you know,
other people
can roll
maybe some
appropriate
initiative
scores.
DMs,
there's
stuff.
Yeah.
Rahua,
roll.
I'm going
to roll.
I got
you.
That's for
what people
roll an
initiative.
Yeah,
I roll.
Let's go
from the
top of
the order
down.
Vina,
what did
you get?
I got
25.
And then
Rahua,
what did
you get?
I got
25.
Yeah,
but your
tech sucks.
You suck.
Baldrick,
what do
you get?
Shut up.
24.
And then
10,
I got
a 20.
And then
it's not
a goblin.
I got
a 20
like an
OG.
It's a
dirty
20.
He'll
feed
20.
And
with
that,
as you
see these
creatures
floating
towards
you,
the first
one raises
its hand.
Uh-oh.
And that's
what we're
going to
call for
today.
Oh,
okay.
That makes
sense.
Sorry for
sudden fucking
rapid
death cough.
Oh my
God.
It is.
I had that
happen.
I had that
happen during
an interview I
had at Gen
Con.
It was like
the most
embarrassing
thing because
I'm just
like,
let me shove
water in my
mouth.
And I'm like,
I swear I'm
not sick.
there's just
something in
my throat
that is not
going away.
Thanks,
EM world.
You guys
are cool.
I did.
I scared
people that
during my
vacation to
where I have
a perpetual
cough that
just won't
go away.
And at
the start
of like,
cough,
cough,
don't worry,
I'm not
sick.
But then I
secret,
but the
COVID secretly
was on the
way.
So the
COVID got
through and
using cough
as a
disguise.
So I
got everybody.
But thank
you guys so
much for
watching this
lovely episode
of Rock
Ryan.
Please follow
everybody on
the socials
down below
and stuff
like that so
we can save
them for
time for
this here
because there's
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technical
issues.
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and stuff like
that.
Please come
over.
Come say
hi.
We greatly
appreciate your
time everybody.
Thank you so
much for
watching and
we'll see you
guys next
time.
Another episode
of Rock
Ryan.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.