Redeeming The Game

Raising Competitors Without Losing the Child

How do we raise children who compete with excellence without believing their worth is determined by their performance?

In this special episode of Redeeming the Game, I sit down with my two brothers and my sister for an honest conversation about growing up as athletes and now raising athletes of our own.

Together, we reflect on what our parents modeled, the challenges facing today’s youth sports culture, and the responsibility parents and coaches have to develop the child before the competitor.

We discuss the pressures of travel sports, comparison, playing time, social media, success, and failure—and why our greatest responsibility is not simply raising successful athletes, but sons and daughters who know they are deeply loved by God and made righteous through Jesus Christ.

Whether you’re a coach, parent, grandparent, or mentor, this conversation will encourage you to shift your focus from performance to identity and from temporary success to eternal significance.

Because one day the games will end.

The trophies will collect dust.

The recruiting calls will stop.

But what our children believe about themselves—and about God—will shape the rest of their lives.

In this episode you’ll discover:

How to raise competitors without sacrificing the heart of your child.
Why beloved righteousness must come before athletic performance.
Practical ways to respond to wins, losses, pressure, and comparison.
What today’s athletes need most from the adults who lead them.
Why winning the child will always matter more than winning the game.

If I could go back and talk to my younger self as a coach, these are the 10 things I’d tell him first.

I put them all into a free guide called “10 Things I Wish I Knew as a Young Coach.”

No fluff. No playbooks. Just real lessons from years of coaching, leading, winning, losing, and learning.

If you’re early in your coaching journey, or you want to coach with more purpose and clarity, grab it for free below.

👇 Free download linked below 👇

www.redeemingthegame.com/10things

matt@redeemingthegame.com

What is Redeeming The Game?

This is a space for coaches, trainers, and leaders who love the game — but don’t want the game to cost them their family, their integrity, or their soul.

Here, we talk about leadership, pressure, culture, identity, and the quiet tensions no one prepares you for when you step into coaching.

This isn’t about chasing wins at all costs.
It’s about restoring what the game was meant to form in us — and in the players we lead.

This podcast is presented by the Beloved Coaches Collective, a community committed to coaching from identity, not insecurity.

I’m Coach Sanders.
Let’s redeem the game — one coach at a time.

Welcome back to the podcast, everybody.

I am your host, Coach Matt
Sanders, Redeeming the Game.

As you can see, if you're gonna watch
from the lake, um, we are out of the,

the, uh, living room in my house.

We're actually on a porch overlooking a
beautiful lake here in South Carolina.

And, uh Uh, this is dream
episode number two for me.

Uh, first dream episode was mom and
dad, and now dream episode number two

is with my two brothers and my sister.

Trying not to get a little
choked up right here.

I'm excited, um, really for this podcast.

Um, I think for a lot of you coaches,
you're going to be able to resonate

with what's about to, uh, unfold
here, because, um, you probably have

a brother or sister, or you might even
be married and have children, and this

episode is going to speak to that.

So, man, uh, I am so excited
to have my sister and my two

brothers on the podcast today.

Uh, this podcast will
be directed at children.

And, uh, the training, as the scripture
says, "Raise up a child as they should

go," or, "Train up a child as they should
go," that's where this one come from.

All three of these incredible
people have children.

So without further ado, we are
going to go nose dive first, just

like into that lake right here.

Uh, start, this is my sister Richelle
Hughes, uh, my brother Josh Sanders,

and my other brother Abram Sanders.

I am going to take a moment here and give
them a chance to introduce themselves,

where they're from, their families,
their children, all that kind of stuff.

But before I do that, I just
wanna say to all of you who've

listened, you download, you watch,
thank you, thank you, thank you.

It means the world to me.

And the whole point of this
podcast is I don't make a penny.

And the point of this podcast is just
to get it out to as many coaches and

families that, that is possible, because
we want to encourage them to be the

best that God has designed them to
be: beloved, righteous, and redeemed.

So without further ado, my
sister, Richelle Sanders.

Hughes.

Thank you for being here.

Hughes.

Thank you for that.

Yeah.

Hug-hes.

Thank you for that.

Yes.

So again, I'm the sister.

And I am Richelle Hughes, and I
live in Anderson, South Carolina.

Um, I'm married, um, of 22
years, and we have two kids.

17-year-old yesterday, um, Caleb, who
is a soccer player, and then Elena, who

is, um, 12 years old, and she is kind
of in between sports at the moment.

But trying new things.

It don't matter.

Yeah.

That's right.

It's good.

That's right.

Yeah.

It don't matter.

Um- It's good â¦ but yeah,
so- Okay â¦ that's us.

And you grew up playing volleyball.

I grew up playing volleyball.

Okay, we're gonna come back to that.

Well, kinda.

Yeah.

Started in high school.

Okay.

Yeah.

We'll come back to that.

Okay.

All right.

Josh, you're up, bro.

Tell us what it is.

Yeah.

I'm Josh.

Um, I have- â¦ I am, live
in Seneca at the moment.

I've been there for 22 years.

I met my wife Megan in Charleston.

Uh, lived there for a small
part of my life when, in my 20s.

Uh, we met there, moved here.

Um, we have five kids.

Um- Oldest is about to turn
21, and all the way down to,

um, a seven-year-old daughter.

So I have four boys and one baby girl.

Um, sports-wise, uh, I have three
that have ran track, um, and,

uh, one that loves basketball.

And, um, my oldest has kinda given
up sports and loves to write.

Um, so he's a writer.

Come on.

And, um- That's good â¦ yeah,
sports are super important.

We have gymnasts, uh, that
sort of thing in our family.

And I grew up playing basketball, soccer.

Um, soccer and basketball were huge.

I ran cross country in high school, too.

Um, and I've been married for 21 years.

Come on.

That's good stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Come pass it to Abe.

We call him B Rom.

Uh, I am Abram Sanders, and I live
in Greenville, South Carolina.

Um, I have a wife, just one,

and- That's good stuff right there â¦ uh,
been married the longest, probably.

Yeah, you have.

23 years.

Yeah.

I have two boys, one 19
and one about to be 16.

And They have one who plays college
golf and going into his sophomore

year, and my other son plays tennis
for the high school team, and

grew up playing about every sport.

Played a lot of basketball,
played high school golf- â¦ and

played a minute in college.

And then- Little cup of coffee, right?

Yeah.

And then I moved out west and snowboarded
for the next four years or so.

Wow.

So good.

Um, yeah, so I think that's it.

Yeah.

That's good.

Shout out dad who's behind the camera
if you pick that up on the mic.

Dad, uh, we played every sport
n- imaginable, uh, in the yard

growing up, so, uh, that's powerful.

All right, Abram, we're
gonna hold the mic with you.

Just take a breath right here.

If you're gonna watch this, you have
to love the makeshift mic holder,

uh, microphone check over there.

Any- we doâ¦

Well, listen, you do anything
you gotta do on the road.

Okay.

So the title to this episode is Raising
Competitors Without Losing the Child.

And, and the, and the, the
idea is that, um, theâ¦

we want to make sure, itâ¦

Now, obviously, you guys
who follow know you haveâ¦

I have AJ, an eight-year-old, who
does Ninja Warrior training and plays

baseball and sometimes basketball.

Who knows?

Soccer, he pretends, whatever.

Um, yeah, swears he loves it,
and then hates to be out there.

Uh, so the, the whole point of this
podcast is really talking about the heart

of the child and, and how competition and
sports can really get in the way, right?

And, um, we, we wanna make sure that
we pull that out of this conversation.

So, uh, I've, I've, um, courageously
built hel- uh, with, with some help,

built some questions for my brothers and
my sister, and we're gonna unpack that.

So, um, Abram, how do you, and I'm
gonna use you instead of we, how do

you and Lauren, your wife, how do you
raise children who compete at a high

level without believing their core
values comes from their performance?

Um.

You can raise that mic
up just a little bit.

You're good

Because it's not the most
important thing and, um

For me, it was for them to love it
as much as I wanted them to love it.

And so, um, just you want them
to do the best, and you wanna

put them in position to succeed.

Come on.

But it has to be their
will to wanna do it.

So, um, if they, it's not there, then,
you know, then you might as well justâ¦

'Cause then they're gonna
wanna end up hating something.

Mm-hmm.

And I didn't wanna force
them to do anything.

And we went through sports, so-
It's good â¦ um- It's good â¦ but

with my oldest son, it took till he
was, like, 13 to, like, "You're, you

have talent, but unless you have the
desire to work at it, you are notâ¦

They're just all gonna
get better than you."

And so- Oh, that's good

so then he took it, and
he worked really hard, so.

So, so we're just gonna stay there.

So how would you speak into, um, a
coach who has a family and say, "Well,

you know, we really pushed him once he
decided he really loved it," but how

does his, um, his, uh, whole person not
succumb to the pressure of performance?

How does he know from you and
Lauren who he really is, right?

How- Right â¦ his Christ-like nature,
like, what have you guys seen, and how,

how- Well, I didn't beat him when he
came home when he played bad, so that

was good.

And, uh, that might resonate
with some people out there.

That's what it is, yeah.

I didn't do that.

Um, so yeah, we just show him love
no matter what, and I'm all about

fixing or, like, "Okay, well,
what can we do to get better?"

Yeah.

Instead of, like, dwelling on what
you did wrong- Come on â¦ orâ¦

And so- That's the word

so just move on.

Remember, im- improve on how to get
better from that- So good â¦ from

your performance, I guess.

So good.

Josh?

Is that where you're at?

That's exactly where I was.

Josh, Josh, this is a goodâ¦

That's a great segue.

What you got?

Grab the mic.

I got a lot going on right now in my head.

Um-

It, there's, I think it goes
back to identity first is- Sure

is recognizing, um, who your child is
as a whole in that, like you said, like

point of the, um, title of this is not
defining that person or b- that kid as

a athlete in this cer- certain sport-
Yeah â¦ and what they do in this certain

sport- Yeah â¦ defines who they are.

Um, my wife and I really, um, speak
into them in, in who they are as a

whole, um, and the giftings that God
has ga- given to them that we saw

when they were very, very little.

Yes.

Good.

Um, and we have, um, diligently
called those things out of them.

Like, we have like, um, you know,
for example, Eli, my about to turn

18-year-old, we call him Eli the Brave
because we felt like the Holy Spirit

told us that he would be brave- Come
on â¦ when we were, when he was probably

four or three or two, I don't even know.

Yeah.

Way, way back.

It's good.

Um, and so we call those things out
of them, you know, I think that's

where that scripture comes from-
Absolutely â¦ is you call, as a parent,

you call out what God has put in them.

Come on.

Um, and so the s- the sport does not
define them, but it should reveal to

them and reveal to the world in some
way of their identity how they carry

themselves in the game, whatever- Right

that game is.

Right.

Um, but even going back, one thing
that stands out to me, what Abram

said about Benjamin at 13- Noah, my
oldest, is probably the most talented

that we've had out of all of our kids.

Like, he couldâ¦

Anything he picked up he was good at.

Hmm.

Um, but at 10 years old or 11, I think it
was 10, like, 10, 10U maybe baseball, um,

he, he showed real talent in baseball.

Um, but when that ball started coming
at it, at him at 75, 80 miles an

hour, um, we started getting into
those all-star leagues, um, it becomes

dangerous if you don't practice.

Oh, yeah.

And he- Yeah.

Until they do that all the time â¦ and
he was, and so basically we had to sit

him down and have a conversation and say,
"Okay, you have been the best on your team

up to this point because of talent- Yeah

but you don't practice."

Hmm.

"And everybody's caught up to you,
and it's getting kinda dangerous.

Is this something you wanna continue?"

So good.

And he said, "No, I don't
wanna do it anymore."

That's so good.

He didn't wanna put the work in,
and we're like, "Well, this- So

good â¦ baseball doesn't define you."

Come on.

So good.

So that really- That's really,
really good â¦ sticks out to

me, kinda what Abram was saying.

That's so good.

Yeah.

All right, Shel, what you got?

Can't wait to hear from Sis.

Let's do this.

Um, so the natural ability stood
out to me when they were talking.

Um, that's not what I had in
my head when I- Yeah â¦ first

thought about the questions.

But, um, yeah, so, like, both of
my kids are naturally athletic.

Like, they just have that, right?

Yeah.

So, um, and you feel like, you
know, God's given you that- Come on.

Yeah â¦ let's use it.

Yeah.

But it is, as a parent,
hard to- Not stay on that.

You know what I mean?

Right.

Absolutely.

Like, and not push really hard
because, you know, you want

that healthy balance of- Yeah

I need to push you, but you need
to do this because you want to.

Absolutely.

So- That's so good â¦ you know, and like
as, as a parent when you have, you know,

you've prayed over your kids and you
feel things or hear things from- Mm-hmm.

Yep â¦ the Spirit- Yep â¦ but then,
you know, you don't reciprocate that

from your kids, that could be tough.

So learning to step back and
watch them- Yeah â¦ take control.

Yeah.

Have faith that they can do that.

Yeah.

Um, and then take that into life- So
good â¦ in your everyday- Ooh â¦ thing.

You know what I mean?

That's powerful.

Yeah.

So that's kind of where I feel
like with it, like knowing that

you're, as a parent, trying to lead
them in ways to help them- Yeah

but also give that little push of, you
know, you do have to practice, you do

have to, or others will surpass you.

Absolutely.

So, um, yeah.

Okay.

So let, Alyssa, I didn't th- this is not
scripted, so this is gonna be off-script.

This is just for you, 'cause you're
sitting here with three dads-

Mm-hmm â¦ and you're a mom, so
we don't have your perspective.

What's it like for the mom side
of you, the nurturing side of you?

Uh, you were a competitor.

You know, you played
high school volleyball.

Like, you, you have that edge that,
you know, we kind of get genetically

from those people behind the camera.

But, um, just how do you nurture
that as your mom, as a mom?

So I think like, um, I think Josh
has a little bit of the nurturing

side, um, when it comes to like he
and I kind of being close like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um, but like my husband Dave,
he's more of that, you know- push.

Yeah, sure.

You gotta do this.

Mm-hmm.

Hardworking, you know?

Yeah.

And so, like as the mom, I try to take
that and blend it and try to be, um-

That's powerful â¦ the same, of course-
Yeah â¦ 'cause you're on the same page.

Yeah.

But also, like, give, um, a
little bit more heart and- Yeah.

Come on â¦ empathy with that.

Wow.

And try to, like- Yeah â¦ help,
maybe reword it and just- That's

good â¦ help understand- Come
on â¦ a little bit better.

That sure sounds like a mom
That's definitely my best switch.

It sounds, that sure sounds like a mom.

That's good.

That's the, the, the, the gentle, "Hey,
let me reword this so it ministers

to your heart instead of your- Yes

your mind," or the, the grit to the
grind- Let's just grind â¦ the grind.

Oh, good word.

Yeah.

Grind, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I can't stand that word, but- â¦ uh,
no offense to anybody who watches,

but I can't stand that word.

Um, grinding actually proclaims,
uh, self-motivation, which at some

point you're gonna run out of that.

You need something from the heart- Right

that really motivates you.

Yeah, yeah.

So, um, okay, so let's
stick and stay with you.

Um, there's such really good
points about all three of you.

So let's shift this thing to, like, your,
your children, the boys and the girls.

Um, you want them deeply to
compete with excellence, right?

Like, that's what the Lord calls us to do.

The, you want them to, um, b- really
believe in themselves because of the

heart of who they are, and we know
that sports exposes character, right?

But it also really teaches it.

Like, um, you may not know this, uh,
I know if you've listened to it all,

that basketball in its creation by Dr.

Naismith, his goal was that it
would teach and bring out character,

expose the best character in people,
because he wanted it to be enjoyed.

So I, Iâ¦

And I think that kind of permeates
through all sports, right?

I, it, that's the kind of the all the
goal, whether, whether it be running

and track and field, or playing golf
or playing tennis or playing whatever

it is, soccer or volleyball, like,
I don't, it doesn't really matter.

So how do you help your children
compete with excellence without

believing they have to earn
love, approval, and acceptance?

Because as you process, I
will, I'll let you process.

Because what happens is the, the
scoreboard that gets flipped on in

competition is the best way to get playing
time, the best way to get acceptance and

approval from my coach and my teammates is
that I have to perform at a certain level.

And, and you guys have not, probably
not heard me say this, but if you do

a deep study on the word performance,
it's bad news for athletics.

Because when you perform, you're actually
pretending to be something you're not.

You're an actor.

When you stand on stage, you're
not, you're not Josh Sanders,

you are, you know, a- an actor.

You're, you're, you're performing where
people are watching and they want to beâ¦

You see what I'm saying?

So what happens is, is the, the adulation
from the crowd and the rah-rah from

the crowd can make you feel loved.

It can make you feel accepted.

It can even make you ha- feel approved
by them, when in all actuality, what

you're teaching them is important.

Like, how do you teach them to
not, that not be their motivator?

If that helps.

Well, you have to have
those healthy boundaries.

You have toâ¦

W- we're really big on
what are your goals.

Okay.

What do you wanna do?

What is your achievement from this?

What is your personal- Um, guidance
to help you get to where you wanna be.

Because, like, if you just are
there for the fans, if you're just

there for your coach, or you're just
there for your teammates- That's

good â¦ that's not gonna help you.

Hmm.

Eventually you're gonna be at this wall.

That's right.

Because, again, you can't
just be there for others.

That's right.

You have to be there for yourself.

Come on.

And so Caleb, our oldest, gets
really annoyed with us at times,

'cause we constantly, probably
too much- â¦ ask him, "Is this

something you truly wanna do?

Is this something you
truly wanna continue?"

Come on.

Because it is important.

Come on.

Um, because in the long run, it
is a sport- That's right â¦ and

that's not just who you are.

Absolutely.

So, um, yeah.

So the love part, you know, when you're
trying to identify who you are in a

person- Yeah â¦ it does help in the team
aspect to be able to understand you're

gonna have teammates that you don't
love, but how you love yourself- So good

can also translate to how you love others.

Come on.

And sometimes- Woo â¦ you know, you
get mad at your teammates because they

don't do what you want them to do.

Yeah.

Right.

Um, or you don't feel like they're-
Yeah â¦ doing to their best ability.

That is something that we've had a
challenge with- Sure â¦ um, because,

you know, when you're excited about
something that you're doing- Yeah

your love for yourself
doesn't always come out.

That's good.

And- That's right â¦ even though youâ¦

we've been teaching that, right?

Um, how it translate on the-
Yeah â¦ field, court, wherever-

That's good â¦ it may be can be
tough- Yes, it can â¦ a life lesson.

Absolutely.

So- Yeah â¦ I mean, to me, like,
sports in general are just, like, like

you said, like, they build character.

That's right.

Um- They reveal it and build it.

Yeah.

And then they can show what part of
your character's not good yet, right?

Yes.

Right.

Yeah.

So I do feel like, you know, we,
um, teach our kids, like, if you

aren't being kind to yourself, if you
aren't loving yourself, if you don't

understand yourself- Yeah â¦ and who
you are, it's not gonna come out well.

Well, and as you pass it to Josh, the,
the truth is Jesus said, "Love your

neighbor as yourself," and we just
skip right over the love yourself part.

That's true.

It's really difficult to l- and,
and your neighbor is everybody,

especially as an athlete, right?

So that's a tough, that's
a tough thing to do.

You gotta learn to really love yourself.

Go ahead, Josh.

That's good.

Yeah, that is good.

Um, I think I've, I have, now that I run
a company- Um, I, what it has revealed to

me, what sports has revealed to me about
running a company is, um, dealing with

people and being able to deal with people.

When I look back on how s-
how especially the sports we

played, um, are diverse- Yeah

in the type of people that you
are- Yeah â¦ on a team with- So

good â¦ you learn to deal with people.

That's, that's a absolute fact.

Yeah.

And I think that's probably one of theâ¦

Well, two things I'll say about that.

One is that it, it, it teaches you that
not everybody looks like you, sounds

like you- Wow â¦ is like your parents.

Yeah.

'Cause probably outside of sports,
you're gonna find people that

look like you, talk like you.

That's right.

Right?

That's right.

Believe like you.

That's right.

Absolutely.

But inside sports, you don't have that.

That's right.

You won't have that unless you go to
some perfect prep school or something.

I don't know.

But- Which is probably still not possible.

Right â¦ it's probably
still not possible.

Yeah.

You know, we all come from different
backgrounds, and that has been

the most beautiful thing to watch.

Wow.

Even as I coach track now, and
I'm surrounded by 75 kids that

look nothing like my kids.

Come on.

Um, I'm thinking like, "My gosh," I mean,
touches my heart, like, "My kids will be

so much better people because of this."

Absolutely.

And so when I think about sports
is what it translates into the

workspace, 'cause what, 99.9%

of athletes do not go pro.

That's right.

Do not go to college-
Yeah â¦ and play sports.

Yeah.

And so I'm looking at it as that-
Yeah â¦ of like this is making them

better p- people to be in the marketplace.

And the other thing is what
you said about performance.

If you are a performance-based
person, even in the, in the business

world, wow, that's awesome, right?

Absolutely.

You're the top of the- Absolutely
â¦ you make the most money.

Yeah.

But I have let people go that were high
performers, 'cause they were toxic.

Wow.

Peop- Wow.

Hear that one, coaches.

That's good.

And, uh, and, and it's hard to say that.

That's super good.

Like, when you walk some- you watch
somebody walk away out of our business

that was the top, most top performer
I have ever had, um, in my business

and let him go because he was toxic.

Come on.

And he was ruining- It's
tough â¦ ruining culture.

Tough.

And so, yes, he had a drive like none
other, so he was doing the grind thing.

That's right.

Um, but it was all
self-motivated and selfish.

Selfish.

And so he was probably a good athlete.

Yeah.

Um, and so those are the two things
I'll say- That's powerful, Josh â¦ what

sports teach is that now that I'm looking
through a lens of a, of a business owner

and raising kids is like how do I raise
my kids up to, um, survi- or, um, thrive

in the marketplace, and I think no other
p- place does it better than sports.

That's good.

Absolutely.

All right, B Realm, what you got?

Well, umâ¦

Just a little closer to you.

Well-

I guess considering my kids play
more individual sports, track is

too, um- But it's still a team.

Yeah.

It's a team, yeah.

Um, it's just I want them to be the
kid that, um, other people want to

play with- Come on â¦ or- Come on

be kind and, and- That's so good â¦ not
be the one who they're like, "Don't,

I don't wanna play with that guy."

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, seriously.

So, and the one that is- Always walking
in love and not hatred towards â¦ I mean,

in golf it's, there's a lot of hate going
on for yourself when things go wrong.

It can be.

But is, you know, just being
kind to the ones you're with.

And, and a, a parent told me one
time, it said, "They'll never

remember what kind of playerâ¦"

They're like, "Oh, I played
with that kid one time."

They won't remember what you shot,
but they'll remember how you acted.

Come on.

And so- So good.

Wow.

So just- Powerful â¦ always
being- Absolutely â¦ you know,

a good person out there- Yeah

or, or what- whatever sport you're doing.

And it's hard.

I mean, we're all competitive,
so we can show some sides that

aren't- â¦ very good, so.

Well, that's the exposure part, right?

Man, that's- Yeah, yeah.

It's the exposure
part â¦ this family, I mean.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, I mean.

Competitive.

It's good.

Yeah.

But just, yeah, showing
God's love out there- Come on

and- Yeah.

And- It's good â¦ receiving His favor
is what always- That's so good â¦ think

of is- Wow â¦ God's favor for you
and, and you don't want to hurt that.

I mean.

Absolutely.

Or miss it.

Miss it.

Yeah.

That's it.

Miss it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, miss it.

Or skip over it.

Yes, right.

So.

That's right.

It's funny, but you say that because, uh,
again, Mom and Dad behind the camera, Mom

said on, on the podcast, she talked about
the sandpaper that, that, that sports

does, and it kind of refines over time.

It's not like a, it's not a pruning to me.

I feel like sports in itself, because
of what team does, it's the sandpaper.

And sandpaper, sometimes the fine
sandpaper doesn't do much, right?

It, it takes a long time to get
the â¦ And you're sanding something

with the fine sand, it's not gonna do
as much to whatever you're sanding off.

But the, the, the, the hard
sandpaper is what peels back, and

I think that's what sports does.

It, over time, it can be fine.

Sometimes it can be very rough and-
Yeah â¦ things that need to â¦ And I

feel like that the Lord works in that to
reveal the real character on the inside

of us, and that's, that, that part where
you said that, um, you want your kids to

be the one that everybody wants to play
with, this is what went off in my head.

Yes, and your kid to be so good that
everybody's like, "I want that."

Yeah.

That is true.

I wanna play with that kid.

He's so good, or she's so good.

I wanna be on that team, and yet- Right
â¦ they treat me like they treat themselves,

which is a powerful place to be.

Yeah.

Uh, I know you, y'all got, uh,
shout out Phil right here, but Phil

says this all the time that if,
if you'll get on fire for Jesus,

people will come watch you burn.

And my thought is, like, if you're
playing that way and you're on fire for

Jesus, people will, people will want
what the burning that you have on theâ¦

How do you, why are you so

dadgum passionate, right?

Yeah.

Well, that's because the love that I
feel on the inside of me from my parents

and my God and the, the Trinity itself
is so on fire, I'm playing as hard as I

can, and everybody's like, "I want that.

I want to be with that guy or
that girl and be on that team."

All right, so, um, before we, before we
start to land the plane, I just want to

say, um, to all you guys who download
and, and you listen and you watch, uh, I

can't tell you, tell you thank you enough.

And, um, just continue
to like and subscribe.

I really, really, really am begging
you with all my heart to share.

Uh, hit that share button and
let's send this thing everywhere.

Um, I know there are a ton of coaches
across the world who listen to this.

Thank you, especially you guys in the
Philippines, thank you who listen.

Uh, you mean a lot to me.

Uh, and before we get into segment
three and start to land the plane,

I want to read to you 2 Corinthians
5:12, 'cause I think it'sâ¦

Um, uh, 5:21, because I think it's really
important to what we're talking about.

"For God made Christ, who never
sinned, to be the offering of

our sin so that we could be made
right with God through Christ."

And I, the reason I'm saying that
is because that, that right, um, uh,

understanding of who we are, that
righteousness, the, the plurality of

what God had sent Jesus to do in us
makes us attractive w- as athletes.

It makes your kids attractive as athletes.

We don't talk about that enough.

Uh, we, we, we live in
this place where, umâ¦

Goodness, I could go, I
could go down the line.

But right now the first one that
comes to mind, uh, mind is Scottie

Scheffler, who has got this platform.

He's the best player in the world in golf.

He loves Jesus, and everybody wants
to ride that train, but we don't

know him We don't know him, we don't
know him at la- personally, but what

his character in the, even in the
Christ-like nature that he says he has,

it makes pe- it draws people, right?

Mm-hmm.

And on top of the fact
he's really dead gum good.

You see what I'm saying?

Right.

And so the, the pr- the, the push to
be great and also have that burning

is really, really important, right?

So, um, that's, that's really where
I wanted to go with that scripture.

Okay, as we land the plane,
Abram, you can sit tight with

the, with the mic right there.

Um, and, and this one, this one's,
this one's a little bit of a tough

question 'cause it's a little awkward
in nature, but I think it's actually

really powerful because it speaks to
your legacy, your legacy as parents.

If your children forgot almost everything
you taught them about sports, what

do you pray they never forget about
who God is and about themselves?

What do you want them to
not forget, like, ever?

And I know I can, and I will, I'll
give you some space, but me and

April talk about this all the time,
my wife April, about our son AJ.

We talk about this a lot, where we want
AJ to love what he's doing passionately,

but always know that he is fully loved and
fully accepted by his Father in Heaven,

Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and then by us

Yeah, I mean, you just, I just
want him, want him to be, um

filled with God's love and, and just
'cause whatever sport is not gonna

always hap- you know- Yeah â¦ they're
not gonna play college sports

forever or high school- That's,
that's right â¦ sports forever.

Yep.

And, I, I mean, if, start with
be more like your mother than me-

and then God ultimately would be good.

We like Lauren.

Yeah.

No, I'm just kidding.

I said the same thing about
April too, so that's fine.

Yeah.

Michelle's gonna say that about herself.

I had to give- Be more like me â¦ I
need to give her a plug, but, um- Yes,

good plug â¦ yeah, 'cause she- Super
good plug â¦ like you were saying

earlier, like, it's, my words can be
very raw, and then she can- Super good

turn them into, okay, well,
what if we say it this way type.

Absolutely.

You know, like kind and- Yeah â¦ more
than, you know, rough, I guess.

They both stick.

That, they do both stick.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

They both stick.

Yeah.

Yes.

But just to have a heart for Jesus, you
know, and, and, in whatever avenue they

take in life and, and just- It's good

I don't- Oh, it's good.

No, you answered- Maybe- You answered
it â¦ find a wife or a husband that isâ¦

Well, they all have a path, so I
mean, it- That's right â¦ right.

I mean, God has a path for you.

I mean, He wanted, my oldest bedroom
wanted obviously to play D1, and he was

close, but I mean, his path was not there.

I mean- Come on

and, and when you got there, it wasn't
what you thought it was gonna be as well.

So, and then- Come on, coaches.

That's a shout-out right there.

Yeah, but, but it- You pay close attention
to that statement â¦ it keeps working.

The first semester was not good.

The second mes- semester was, you know,
improving and, and now you're happy.

It's like- It's good â¦ and, but you
fou- also found a coach that loved

you- Yeah â¦ and, and, you know,
that, and that makes a difference.

Okay.

You're not, you're not allowed to pass
the mic 'cause you just pushed on it.

So- â¦ this podcast is for coaches, and
I just, just, I'm gonna set, let me set

this up and then you can just, I'll put it
on a tee and you can hit a 500-yard drive.

But, um, m- my, my nephew got recruited
to play D1 and D2 golf, probably even

D3, all, all the levels, and he chose a
coach who he was really, really excited

about, and then the coach bailed on him
mid-semester his freshman year a year ago,

and he was left in a pretty dark place.

And then another coach
comes in and does what?

And just was doing the exact opposite
of the other coach, was always

there for them and encouraging them.

And the other coach did, he
was basically nonexistent.

Um, he was already one foot out
of the door, I would say, I guess-

Mm â¦ is what was happening.

Yeah.

But, um- And he loved them, you
know, he wanted the best for them,

and that's all you really want.

That's right.

Right?

That's right.

I mean, and, and just set things
up better for them to succeed

instead of, you know, being moreâ¦

Well, I mean, criticizing is always,
you need to know where you are.

Well, the critical part's important.

You're right.

The critical part is important.

Yeah, it is.

So.

Absolutely.

That's powerful.

I, I'll, I say this a lot, as you pass
that to Josh, I, I say this a lot about

coaches, and I've really said it a ton
lately on social media, but the, the idea

that the coach's job is to make the player
feel seen, feel heard, and feel loved.

Yeah.

And because they just don't.

Because we getâ¦

And I, I am fully, I'm, like, hand high,
I totally coached with championships

in mind and left s- kids on the end
of the bench and didn't let them feel

seen, and I didn't speak into them.

I totally did that for a long time.

And now on the other side
of a transformation, this

is, that is what we want.

That's why I wanted you to hold on that,
'cause coaches need to hear, like, feel

seen, feel s- heard, and feel loved.

And then you can go in and say,
"Well, you need to fix this.

You need to fix that, and
we can be better here."

So Josh, what you got?

So good.

Um, I would say first, like, what I
hope for my children about God, um,

is- The one thing that stood out to
me in my latter years, in the last

probably five years of my life, is, um,
the, the person of who our Father is.

Um, and I think, you know, growing up I
put a lot of weight into that Jesus loved

me, and then in, um, my 20s I learned
that the Holy Spirit was my best friend.

Wow.

Come on.

Um, and that wasâ¦

And so I'm kind of going on a growth
track here, but it was that and then

that, and then learning in the last few
years that God the Father loves me better

than my dad ever thought about loving me.

That's powerful.

And I go back to what we talked about
yesterday- â¦ about the movie The

Shack, is the idea that no matter what
your, your son is doing, you know, in

The Shack, the, uh, papa says that,
"I'm highly, highly fond of that one."

Yeah.

Yes.

Good.

And that I hope that my children know
that their creator is really in love

with them at all times- Come on â¦ no
matter what their performance level

is- Come on â¦ at that moment.

Yeah.

Or if they've screwed up or if
they've made a bad decision or, um,

you know, are struggling, um, that
their, their Father in heaven- So good

is absolutely in love with you- Come on.

Come on â¦ and is highly fond of you.

That's so good.

I think it's super good.

It's a powerful word.

Um, and then when it comes to life
in general, I think, um, Megan

and I, my wife, are, um, we do
everything in, with excellence.

We're top performers in our, our fields,
and, um, and we care very much about,

um, doing things with excellence.

And so- That's good â¦ um, our- Super
good â¦ sports don't matter at the

end of the day, but what it teaches you
about, like, being, being, doing really

well at something because you want
to and you desire- Absolutely â¦ d-

desire to be better every day.

Yeah.

I say it all the time that if
you're not growing, you're dying.

Woo.

Um, and so tru- choosing to grow,
um- Choosing to grow, I guess, is one

thing that- That's so good â¦ uh,
we ask of our children every

day- That's so good â¦ you know.

What do, what did you do today, especially
in the summer when the kids don't have

as much to do, what did you do today
that will make you a better person?

So good.

That's powerful, Josh.

Yeah.

Well, as he passes the mic, I, I, I
hope that you can hear and feel the,

the sounds of the lake, and we wanted
that to be in the background today.

We wanted you to get the feel that this is
family, and that's what's happening in the

lake if you hear that in the background.

Uh, frankly, I don't care
if you're distracted by it

because it's, it's powerful.

It speaks to, speaks to where
we are as, as, uh, as parents.

All right, Rochelle.

Um, so as I was thinking, since I
had time to do that- You're welcome.

I was thinking about me because,
you know, what we put into our kids

are part of our experiences- Yeah

right?

Yeah.

So when I think of God, the question
about how I want my kids- Yeah â¦ to

see themselves, you know, um- Is like,
for me, myself, when I played in high

school in volleyball, um, my senior year
I could have gone to play in college,

but I, that was not God's plan for me.

Hmm.

I did not feel that.

Um- That's powerful

and there was a lot of other, you know,
school things that- â¦ stressed me out.

So, um- That's good â¦ it
was not my forte.

Yeah.

So I chose that I, you know, not to
be super stressed- Yeah â¦ and do the

athlete life in college- Yeah, yeah
â¦ and stay on the track of what I felt like

God- So good â¦ really wanted me to do.

Yeah, yeah.

And so I really want that
to carry over into my kids.

Like, understand, you know, like,
your daily life, how you see yourself,

what you're putting into your life,
how that grows, and so when sports

are over, that's- Yeah â¦ what
we really- So good â¦ want youâ¦

You're growing, right?

Yeah.

You're learning about yourself.

You're understanding who you are,
what God wants for you for your life.

Yeah.

And then you can just carry that
through- Woo â¦ and step into

that once the sport is over.

Um- Come on â¦ so that is, I feel
like for me, I just want my kids to

understand what does God want for you.

Yeah.

And, you know, of course
that, as a parent, you have

to lead those conversations.

Yeah.

And, um- Yeah â¦ teach them that, right?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And honestly, I keep thinking,
like, as a parent, you just

live in the world of prayer.

So- Oh, wow â¦ I mean, when
you pray- That'll preach right

there â¦ you're constantly, right?

Yeah.

Um- That's so good â¦ and- Yeah,
that's so good â¦ you were talking

about Abram, um, or Benjamin,
you know, and the- The coach

coach situation, and I'm sitting here
thinking about how, you know, our son

Caleb is a senior- Yeah â¦ this year.

Looking into colleges, figuring out,
you know, where, what, when, how.

Yeah.

It's stressful, and I think about-
Absolutely it is â¦ when you said

that about the coach, and I'm just
like, "I want that in a coach."

Absolutely.

But when we talk to coaches, you
don't really see that in a coach.

Come on.

So I'm like- And this is
what the podcast is for.

Come on.

So- Yeah â¦ yeah, that's what I
thought I would- Just freakingâ¦

Leah, shout it out.

Shout it out.

Let's go.

That's right.

Yeah.

So I wish more coaches were
like that- That's right

because that's a easy choice.

Yeah.

You know?

Absolutely.

As a parent.

Absolutely.

So- Yeah â¦ anyways.

And I think the, the powerful part
of that as we really land the plane

here, the powerful part about what
you said is, yes, that's what this

podcast is for, and, and using my life
as a transformation, and what you're

saying as a transformation for other
coaches, because that's what you want.

You want two things.

You want your son to go, or your
daughter, to go to a coach if they're

gonna go to college, and they're
gonna play, and two things happen.

One, they feel loved,
and two, they transform.

And I say this all the time
on the podcast, we coaches are

transformational specialists.

That's our job.

At the end of the day, they
are â¦ That when they finish, they

should transform into something
they never thought they could be.

That's our job.

And the problem is most coaches,
including myself, grew up in an

era in which performance-based love
and performance-based acceptance

and performance-based identity
was the tip of the spear So what

does that make you as a coach?

If you play in the sports in that era,
and you don't perform, then you're

not good enough, and you don'tâ¦

And if you don't play well,
you're not good enough.

And so what happens is that
translates into how you coach

and how you treat people.

And then in walks, in walks, frankly,
shout out the ministry, but beloved

identity and righteousness walk in and
say, "No, actually, there's a better way."

And the better way is that you transform
the child by teaching them about how

loved they are, number one, by the
Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Number two, that you, the coach, know
how beloved you are, how righteous you

are, and how redeemed you are by who
Jesus is and what He did, and then now

you just pour that out into the kids.

And that's what we want.

That's what every one of you want.

That, that's aâ¦

It's a dream scenario, right?

It's, uh, I, this isâ¦

I'm not, I'm not by any means what I'm
about to say arrogant, but I get a lot of

times from my coaching friends, they all
say to me, "I wish I had played for you."

And I'm like, "Well, actually, you
wouldn't have the first 25 years , you

really wouldn't have liked me very much.

You, youâ¦

Actually, I would've just reminded
you of all the rest of them.

Maybe over the last five years."

But, um, and, and Josh, you said something
that I think is really important.

Um, there is a, there is a space to which
when you run a business or when you, when

you, uh, when you craft your craft, right?

When you ever figure out what that is
and what, how God's designed you and

what that's like, that we live in a
world in Christiandom a lot where if

you just get by, and you have enough
for a house and kids, then that's okay.

And I don't think that's God at all.

And I think beyond any stretch
of the imagination, w- our

kids should be world-class.

World-class.

Whatever they become, world class.

Because I'm telling you right now, my
goal as a podcaster, my goal as a shooting

instructor, my goal as a, as a, uh,
coaching coaches, I wanna be world class.

I wanna be the best in the world at it.

Because what Iâ¦

Not, not, not for my own benefit, because
what you said, we want people to be

changed because we want coaches to pull
kids in and love them infinitely more

than they've ever been loved, right?

And I think that's a really, really
important thing, because, and Iâ¦

This is the best way to land the plane,
because you said this, and I even m-

Abraham, I even think you said this.

The so- one day the ball's gonna stop
being kicked or being bounced or being

passed or be hit in a competitive
sense, and who are you after that?

That's, that's the, that's the
thing that matters the most.

Who are you post the competition?

And when that scoreboard in the
competition gets turned off, the

internal and the external gets turned
off, and you know who you are in

Christ and you've been taught that,
when you leave it, you don't crash.

Because I, I talk to athletes
all the time that don't know

who they are when they're done.

What am I gonna do with myself?

Right.

How am I actually gonna perform in life?

Well, there is, there's nothing
left to perform for, right?

So that's why we're
doing what we're doing.

So- I just wanna say again to
you guys, thank you so much

for watching and listening.

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you guys for coming on the podcast.

You really don't know how
much this means to me.

And, uh, it means a lot to
what the coaches are doing.

Uh, coaches, uh, as I say every week,
uh, make sure that you, uh, in the

show notes, grab the 10 Things I
Wish I Knew as a Young Head Coach.

Download that free PDF.

And I'm gonna keep saying this, please
email me, matt@redeemingthegame.com.

I wanna talk to you.

Uh, I wanna speak into your life.

I wanna share my stories with
you that will help motivate you.

And lastly, as we say every week, we
are redeeming this game one coach,

one family, and one player at a time.

Hope this blesses you.

See you

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