Lessons from 2025

This week on I Have To Say Pod, Lyssa talks about life lessons and takeaways from 2025

What is I Have To Say?

Yapping about books, tv, pop culture moments, and anything else that I just can't get off my mind. I have to say...

Hello and welcome to the I Have To Say podcast and I just have to say 2025 you were something. I'm so happy 2025 is over because it's been a long-ass year. The fact that that man has only been in office for one year, is insane. The fact that the LA fires happened earlier last year, insane. Kendrick's Super Bowl performance, Labubu craze, the Coldplay couple, all of that happening in 2025 like that year was so long

It was a good year for TV and film though . Looking at you, Sinners, Kpop Demon Hunters, Forever on Netflix, and Heated Rivalry, my current obsession. It wasn't all bad, but we are living in an unprecedented time and I would just like to not anymore, like can get some easy times going in 2026?

Every year, I write a post reflecting on the year and what I have taken away from it or learned through my experiences and through what I’ve witnessed or talked about with others. And this year, I decided that I was going to tie it into this podcast that I'm starting: I Have To Say. I mean, I've been writing this blog, ihavetosay.blog, a little shout out, for years and I've decided that this year, I want it more seriously, I want to build it into something bigger, which includes this podcast. While these days, the blog has turned into a place where I write book reviews, which I will still be doing because I love reviewing books,I used to write about life and life lessons, life advice and just any thoughts that I had on my mind and that's something that want to get back to and tie into this podcast. So, right now, what I'm thinking is to release weekly on Tuesdays, one week will be about movies, one week will be about TV shows, and then there’ll be two episodes in the month that'll just be food for thought.

So, thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you for being here. And let's get started on some lessons from 2025.

So the first lesson I got for you is that things don’t exist in a vacuum. One artist may choose to unveil an album cover of herself in a submissive position and call it art and empowering and maybe it is or it could be in a certain reality. But in this one, where women are losing their rights, and thin is back in, and administrations are attempting to take America back to the 50s, maybe submission could be portrayed differently? Maybe it doesn’t have to mimic sexist ads from the 50s and 60s.

Maybe it’s not a reach to see how it is connected to the rise in trad wife content and states choosing to criminalize abortions.

I don't think it's a reach to notice a pattern occurring, and especially when some of these campaign messages have been increasingly alarming…’cause what do you mean the color of the year is white?

Just because you, or someone you know, may be choosing not to think deeper about a certain topic, doesn't mean those that do are being difficult or boring or just reading too much into it. It doesn’t mean there isn’t a connection there at all because there's a deep history behind everything.

And since this is the internet I feel the need to add that this doesn’t mean that all the conspiracy theories out there are automatically true. I’m just saying that context does matter and it is needed in order to get a clear picture of what’s going on.

And I hear you. What if the message some people received wasn’t what the artist or person or company meant to portray? What if it’s all a coincidence?

And then you start thinking about your own life experiences with people you are close to and in community with. What if they didn’t mean to hurt me? What if I didn’t mean to hurt them?

I would tell you intentions matter, but they also aren’t the whole story.
Intentions don’t always justify the outcome. Good intentions can still be cruel or cause harm, no matter who has them. Good intentions shouldn't and don't absolve anyone of the result of their actions and true accountability includes an awareness of the consequences of your actions, both positive and negative, and acknowledging when your good intentions are harmful.

Whether or not the good intentions justify the actions is up to the person on the receiving end. Because you can’t tell people how and people can’t tell you how to feel.

And sometimes, our good intentions come from a place of ego. Of believing we are usually always right and we have all the answers or the best solution for a problem, when really there may be multiple ways to do or to get the thing. Just like how there are multiple ways to say the same thing.

Your way isn’t always the only way to get something done, and your way isn’t automatically the best way just because it's yours.

And maybe this thought process isn’t even an ego thing, as much as it is a control thing, which is a theme that’ll come up a lot as we keep going. Maybe we get stuck in doing things our way because of the sense of control we need or want to feel.

But being a mom, and as my daughter is getting older, this is something I have to remember and have been catching in the moment. I’m teaching her how to write letters, and in the middle of it, I’m thinking, “wait. Why does she have to write a capital E this way and not the way she does.” Whether she writes it like this or like that, it’s clearly an e. And right now, in this case forever really, that’s all that matters.

This is a pretty low stakes example, but the same thought process can pop up in different areas of our lives and we end up micromanaging at work, controlling our peers, and getting frustrated with our loved ones, when we’re the ones who need to take a step back.

As cliche as it is, we are all just doing what we can to survive. We’re, hopefully, trying to make the right choices for ourselves. I have to add that while we all have choices, or at least the illusion of choice, which is a whole other thing we’re not going to get into today, while we all have choices everyone’s options don’t look the same, depending on the realities of life. But, if we want to talk about life’s choices that don’t toe the line of universal truths and morality, what is considered “right” and “wrong” is subjective and arbitrary.

My daughter and I have to live with the choices I make. And you have to live with the choices you make. But generally speaking, we don’t have to live with ALL of the choices that the other makes. I mean, there are some choices you make that will affect me and vice versa, like who you vote for, if you’re driving recklessly, and how you treat those around you, (because emotions can be cycled), but I’m living my life and you’re living yours and there’s some choices that don’t overlap. You have to make the choices that you can live with, as long as they’re not harmful to anybody else or to yourself.

I’m not saying not to consider your community and the people around you. But I am saying you’re the one who has to live with whatever choices that you make at the end of the day. And sometimes we know what we want to do or what we should do and are looking for reasons not to go after it. We’re listening to the people who tell us not to go after it.

So that was a really long-winded for me to say to make the choice that you can live with. The choice that will leave you with no regrets. No matter what other people will say. No matter how scary or intimidating it is.

And you know what. You really do have to choose your hard because not choosing any option is still a choice. You can take a step forward, or take a step back, or slide to the right or slide or the left or choose not to move in any direction at all, but either way, you’re doing something, even if it’s just standing still. Even if you choose to take a seat in the spot you were standing. That is still doing something.

You have to decide what you really want. You have to decide if the discomfort is worth getting what you hope to get or getting to where you hope to be.

Doing the hard thing can help you with manifesting. From my beginner understanding, manifesting is about speaking what you want into existence, taking steps to get there and then releasing the outcome.
I'm a big believer in a less extreme version of the butterfly effect, where one choice can set off a chain reaction of other events, but having such a tight grip over every second and every detail can suffocate the butterfly.

Still manifest. Still be specific about what you want and take the steps to achieve it, but trust that no matter what, it’ll happen in its own way, regardless of how or when you want it to happen.

You can manifest having a successful book, but if you don’t start writing and continue writing, how can that happen? Maybe it’s your second or third or sixth book that becomes successful, not your first one. And because you didn’t release the outcome, because you wouldn’t let go of when and how, because you didn’t allow things to flow, you become disappointed and you give up. There are times when giving up is for the best, but that’s a choice you have to have make depending on your circumstances. Hopefully, there will be more reasons than just because the reality isn’t matching up with the idea in your head.

While there is nothing wrong with having goals or wanting to be successful, there is more to life than achievements. And yes, I understand the irony of me saying this on a podcast I’m starting and wrote down as one of my goals for 2026, but I’m serious and I mean it. Not every aspect of your life has to be purposeful or working towards something. Don’t allow your achievements to define who you are or determine your worth. Pick up a hobby. Find something to do in your free time that you consider fun and relaxing that isn’t linked to you achieving something or working towards something. Allow yourself to have fun and chill, whatever that looks like to you.

Unless your idea of fun is to worry about what other people are doing or uploading your likeness into AI databases. Please stop doing those.

If the coldplay couple taught me anything, besides how not to cheat, it’s that we’re entering, okay we’ve lowkey been in, a stage where there are cameras on and everywhere almost all of the time and you can go viral with the snap of a finger. And it would be for the best if we didn’t add onto surveilling other people and minded our business from time to time, especially with that frozen water situation.

There are other contexts where this applies too, like in the online bookish space. Cuz why do you care if people do or don’t DNF books? Why do you care how many books people read?

Or with sexuality, why do you care if the leads of Heated Rivalry are gay? You’re most likely never going to meet them or be in a situation where it affects you.

As a person who is also nosy from time to time, I get it, truly, but collectively we need to take a step back and stop asking so many questions about things that don’t affect us or have anything to do with us.

I saw a Tik Tok a while ago about how we all need to kill our inner cop and I don’t think I’ve seen anything on Tik Tok in a while that is as true as that. Especially now when there are entities that are wanting civilian involvement.

And while we’re talking about voluntary choices, stop uploading your images into AI databases. You don’t know what they’re actually using these images for and I've seen stories of companies using their likeness without their permission and without paying them.

It’s one thing if a company you use does it and sneaks it into a terms and conditions but it's another thing when you’re willingly handing over your image and likeness. Make these companies work for your likeness at the very least. Make them accidentally break some laws so you can get paid out or something. Don’t just hand it over to them.

So, what im trying to say is mind your business and protect your likeness. Whenever something is free ask, ask yourself “What can a company do with this?” Whenever you're feeling concerned about something someone else is doing, please ask yourself, "Does this actually affect me? Is this actually harming anyone? Is it really my business?"

And if we’re gonna be honest, minding your business is a form of boundaries. You’re deciding if and when you should get involved in other people’s actions and telling others what you are willing and unwilling to put up with. But sometimes, people claim they are setting boundaries when they are really making up excuses or trying to establish control.

Setting boundaries is internal, not external. Setting boundaries is about what you will do in a certain situation, not telling other people what they can and can't do. How Ace spoke to Amaya on Love Island USA because she called him babe, a word that seems to be apart of her vocabulary, isn’t having boundaries. That was control because he felt triggered about the use of the word ‘babe” whether justified or not.

Setting boundaries is not taking on other people’s situation. It’s still listening and being there for them, but understanding they will do what they want and are ultimately the decision makers in their lives. Setting boundaries is understanding what you can and can’t handle and remaining firm in that, but it isn’t an excuse for avoiding uncomfortable situations and conversations.
And honestly, boundaries can change over time and they can be flexible, but what matters is your own autonomy in the situation, not the other person’s actions.

There’s a difference between a boundary and a preference, and while over time you would hope the people you care about and who care about you will respect your preferences, the boundary comes into play when they don’t. At that point, after a pattern has formed, what are you going to do?

I don’t know who to blame for therapy speak, and words in general being watered down and their meanings being changed. Wait, I take it back. I blame social media. It’s usually because of social media.

I always used say that it isn’t all bad, but I can admit it. I was wrong. I mean, there are still uses for social media. I am promoting this podcast through social media and can talk to people about things people in my life don’t care about like the books tv shows I’m obsessed with, shoutout heated rivalry.

But, especially with increase of AI usage and deep fakes and the spread of misinformation, maybe social media really was a mistake. You know what else I blame social media for?

People becoming so mean!

Social media makes people bold, which, in turn, makes people on edge and defensive, which then makes people bold. Everyday people are being recorded and uploaded without their consent, which I already talked a little bit about but, please, stop doing that.
And then the fear of being judged in public because you know people are watching, and maybe recording, means everyone is performing more than they may normally have, which puts people more on edge which then makes them bold and more defensive.

I mean I single handedly blame social media for why reality tv isn’t as good as it used to be. People can’t wild out on tv anymore without being criticized and bullied online. And I don't know…maybe that is a good thing but I’m not here to talk about the morality of reality tv.
I’m here to say that the political climate, and the rise in individualism have made people meaner, unless given a reason not to be,and social media is highlighting it. Maybe it’s even the cause of it.

Personally, I don’t think true empathy, sympathy, and compassion requires an explanation and not on some, ‘you don’t owe anyone anything shit.’ not like “you don’t owe anyone an explanation.” But just that empathy, sympathy, and compassion should be given more freely than it is now. Give people a little bit more of the benefit of the doubt.

Of course there’s such a thing as extending too much grace, or being too empathetic and sympathetic, but to me, that is generally not a current concern, currently at least in American society. Actually the lack of empathy, sympathy, and compassion is why people have become so individualistic.

Because for whatever reason people think you need to have to have experienced something or know everything about someone in order to empathize with them. Like you give your friends a different amount of grace than you would give strangers. And i know say that, it sounds crazy but that’s because you’ve been conditioned not to show empathy, sympathy, and compassion to others.

At the very least I think you shouldn't have to know the reasons behind why people are the way that they are in order to be empathic or sympathetic toward them. You shouldn’t have to have experienced something yourself or have someone close to you experience it to have compassion towards other people. And people shouldn’t have to share their wounds in order to get some sympathy.

I’m not going to act like I’m perfect when it comes to this. But i do notice people act like they’re the only ones going through things and that they're the only ones with feelings. I think it's a symptom of our society honestly. And it's easier to judge others than admitting something is wrong with yourself and trying to figure out what you can do to change it or heal from it. It’s easier to talk about things as theories than realize the situation you’ve been talking shit about for forty days and forty nights is similar to a situation you or your friend have been in or are still in.

I don’t know the bible verse cause i don’t read it like that, sorry yikes, but it’s something about casting the first stone. Like whoever has done no harm should cast the stone I think or something like that.

But basically, look inside your house before you comment on other people’s house. Lead with more empathy, sympathy, and compassion. At least a little more empathy, you don’t have to go crazy with it or anything. But just like ead with a little bit more empathy and understanding instead of going straight to judgment and shaming other people. Especially when it comes to people you don’t actually know, are not actually in community with, are people who are just on reality tv. Cause why did i just learn nicolandria are just getting death threats. But that’s a topic for a different day.

As we wrap up here, the last lesson, and takeaway I have for you is to stop only relying on blanket statements from people on the internet about who you should be and how you should act, and that includes me and everything I've said here today. There’s so much advice and opinions out there about what it means to be a good friend, a good partner, and a good person. There’s so much advice and opinions about how to hack your health or the steps you need to take to reach a certain goal.

And while some of it may be good advice and may even work, advice is not one size fits all. We’re all different and in different situations, and you have to tailor things to make them realistic and sustainable for you. You have to figure out what works for you and if it works in that specific situation you are in.
You can't just copy what everyone else is doing and hope to get the same results because we’re all different. You have to use discernment.

Another thing I blame social media for actually is that it’s created an environment where there is either too much nuance or not enough nuance because a lot of people try to apply everything that they see and fit into their individual situation, even when they’re not connected at all.

Even writing this post and saying these words, I’ve thought about if what I’m saying can be easily argued with and if it can be generally applied to different situations, and while accessibility and considering others is a goal of mine and is important, you also have to sort through information on your own. You have to decide if my words actually apply to your life. You have to decide what you believe and test it out. You have to figure out what works and change it if it doesn’t. And it’s also a plus if you can find people whose values and temperaments and belief systems align with yours.

To see the list of takeaways written out, you can visit my blog www.ihavetosay.blog. I’m on instagram @ihavetosay with three ys like ihavetosayyy. I’m excited to start this journey and I hope you’ll join me and subscribe. Next week, I’m so excited to talk about Heated Rivalry. If you follow me on instagram if you know me in life if you’ve seen me in threads, you know i’m obsessed with this show in a way that I’ve never been obsessed with anything ever. And i say that confidently. Like I usually don’t rewatch shows, I hate rewatching shows. And ive seen this show so many times since it’s come out. Even between episodes drops i was rewatching it. That’s how obsessed i am. I’m like watching cast interviews. I don’t do that normally, but i am for hudson and connor. Yes ma’am.

Okay. thank you for joining me. Thank you for being here. Bye bye.