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Join hosts Colin and Rachel for a powerful conversation with author Tey Moore (More to Come) as they dive into the real, raw, and rewarding sides of sobriety. From AA to Substack, personal stories to collective wisdom, this episode of Sober Banter is all about honesty, healing, and hope.
Prefer to watch instead? Catch the full video episode on Sober Banter’s YouTube channel – click here to watch!
Prefer to watch instead? Catch the full video episode on Sober Banter’s YouTube channel – click here to watch!
00:00:00 Meet Tay Moore (Setvontay Moore)
00:09:18 The Role of AA
00:14:31 Finding a sponsor
00:22:43 Daily Commitment to Sobriety
00:27:02 Punked by Ashton
00:33:18 The Big Book
00:37:44 Breaking the Stigma
00:43:32 Service Industry & Bar Tending
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About Tay Moore, guest on today’s episode!
Substack:
Facebook: Tay Moore
X/Twitter: Taygotthejuice
Instagram: Mooretay
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Creators and Guests
What is Sober Banter?
Sober Banter, a podcast about life without alcohol, is real, relatable, and never boring. Hosts Rachel and Colin share honest conversations about sobriety with humor, heart, and a touch of chaos.
Rachel Casey (00:00:05):
and i am rachel and with us we have you and i love love more to come
Colin Casey (00:00:27):
How did you find yourself in Substack or get introduced to Substack?
Tey Moore (00:00:32):
Well, one of my friends, she cooks a lot and she started posting her Substack.
Tey Moore (00:00:37):
I was like, why don't I just hop on Substack and work on my right?
Rachel Casey (00:00:42):
I was interested to see if maybe it was because you were already doing a
Rachel Casey (00:00:48):
publication because I know a lot of people are switching.
Rachel Casey (00:00:50):
I'm new to the newsletter world.
Tey Moore (00:00:53):
Me too.
Tey Moore (00:00:53):
I was trying to find a newsletter, how to break down my book.
Tey Moore (00:00:58):
But then I found Substack and I started breaking my book down on that.
(00:01:03):
Yeah.
Tey Moore (00:01:04):
I just started throwing like random things in there.
Colin Casey (00:01:08):
So you just, in Substack, you just started using it to inform people more about your book?
Colin Casey (00:01:13):
Yeah.
Colin Casey (00:01:14):
So which book were you doing that with?
Colin Casey (00:01:16):
Because I know you have a few out.
Tey Moore (00:01:17):
My most recent book, More to Come.
Rachel Casey (00:01:21):
Did I read or hear that you didn't like your first book?
Tey Moore (00:01:24):
I didn't like my third book.
Rachel Casey (00:01:26):
I feel like it's cool to just publish anything.
Rachel Casey (00:01:28):
I want to publish a book.
Rachel Casey (00:01:31):
I just haven't.
Tey Moore (00:01:32):
See, I have years ago.
Tey Moore (00:01:34):
Because I published my first book and then I published my second book.
Tey Moore (00:01:39):
My third one came after my accident.
Tey Moore (00:01:42):
I didn't like that as much.
Tey Moore (00:01:44):
I feel like I forced that one.
Tey Moore (00:01:47):
It's got to flow.
Rachel Casey (00:01:50):
And I think with being sober, I'm a lot more in touch with being authentic.
Tey Moore (00:01:55):
More to come with my first sober book ever.
Rachel Casey (00:01:58):
That had to have felt good.
Tey Moore (00:02:00):
It felt amazing.
Rachel Casey (00:02:01):
Because I've looked at my notes, like from the past and whatnot, from before being sober.
Rachel Casey (00:02:08):
And a lot of it's very sad, like very dark.
Rachel Casey (00:02:13):
And I used to like argue that alcohol is not a depressant because I'm like,
Rachel Casey (00:02:17):
well,
Rachel Casey (00:02:17):
I get wired,
Rachel Casey (00:02:18):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:02:20):
stepping back from it.
Rachel Casey (00:02:21):
I can see how sad it was making me when I go back and read some of the stuff I've journaled or
Rachel Casey (00:02:27):
wrote in my phone right now you knew yeah because you live with me but you know i
Rachel Casey (00:02:33):
would have argued with you that like no that's not how it is but yeah but you had a
Rachel Casey (00:02:42):
big positive spin on all of your books have been very like motivational uplifting
Rachel Casey (00:02:47):
very positive like hope really yeah
Tey Moore (00:02:54):
But I just realized when I was writing my first one,
Tey Moore (00:02:58):
I would write a chapter,
Tey Moore (00:03:00):
and then I would ruin myself with liquor.
Tey Moore (00:03:02):
It's so backwards.
Rachel Casey (00:03:05):
Yeah, yeah.
Colin Casey (00:03:07):
Once you take that out, you just do everything for yourself.
Rachel Casey (00:03:11):
Yeah.
Colin Casey (00:03:11):
So when you were, you said this last book was the first one you wrote sober, right?
Colin Casey (00:03:17):
So what did you find, what did you do to reward yourself after a hard chapter or at the end?
Colin Casey (00:03:23):
And while you were writing it, was your work ethic just better?
Colin Casey (00:03:27):
Were you amazed of how just more efficient you were?
Tey Moore (00:03:31):
More efficient.
Tey Moore (00:03:33):
I wouldn't reward myself like,
Tey Moore (00:03:37):
like, with drinks or anything, I would just sit back and read it back to myself.
Tey Moore (00:03:42):
It was so much clearer.
Rachel Casey (00:03:45):
Oh, that's awesome.
Rachel Casey (00:03:46):
Yeah,
Rachel Casey (00:03:46):
because there is nothing worse than,
Rachel Casey (00:03:48):
like,
Rachel Casey (00:03:48):
having a project and,
Rachel Casey (00:03:50):
like,
Rachel Casey (00:03:50):
you wake up the next day and you're like,
Rachel Casey (00:03:52):
oh,
Rachel Casey (00:03:53):
wow.
Rachel Casey (00:03:54):
You're like, that's some...
Rachel Casey (00:03:58):
a lot of autocorrect couldn't get that yeah you're doing a lot more editing if you
Rachel Casey (00:04:03):
were drinking a lot more you could tell if i was drinking then you would just write
Tey Moore (00:04:08):
something to finish it because you wanted to make it to happy hour yeah i mean yeah
Rachel Casey (00:04:17):
i by the end i would we were drinking at home and it was covid and um
Rachel Casey (00:04:23):
I mean, it was bad.
Rachel Casey (00:04:25):
It was dark.
Rachel Casey (00:04:26):
It was a dark time again.
Colin Casey (00:04:28):
I was just like counting down as soon as the it got to like two o'clock.
Colin Casey (00:04:32):
It was like,
Colin Casey (00:04:32):
all right,
Colin Casey (00:04:33):
just a couple more hours or what excuse can I make up to get out of here to run to
Colin Casey (00:04:37):
the liquor store and run home?
Colin Casey (00:04:40):
And I mean, it was just any little thing.
Rachel Casey (00:04:43):
Yeah.
Colin Casey (00:04:44):
As an excuse to just get out of work early or.
Tey Moore (00:04:47):
Congratulate yourself.
Colin Casey (00:04:50):
Yeah, exactly.
Colin Casey (00:04:52):
Just really... And it was just the smallest victories, too.
Colin Casey (00:04:56):
It's like, well, I got through it Tuesday.
Rachel Casey (00:04:59):
And then we would get...
Rachel Casey (00:05:01):
in fights because he would stop he's like i'm just gonna stop for a shot on like
Rachel Casey (00:05:05):
because he works in downtown and i'd be home with the baby with evan when he was
Rachel Casey (00:05:10):
baby all day and i'm like no it's my turn to drink and then i would start anger
Rachel Casey (00:05:15):
drinking and then he'd come home and i'm like already sloppy and you know because i
Rachel Casey (00:05:21):
would go man i got angry i was
Rachel Casey (00:05:25):
Again,
Rachel Casey (00:05:26):
although,
Rachel Casey (00:05:26):
like,
Rachel Casey (00:05:26):
if you looked at my Instagram,
Rachel Casey (00:05:27):
you wouldn't have think of me as an angry person.
Rachel Casey (00:05:29):
But I just, I don't know.
Rachel Casey (00:05:33):
I got mean and vicious because, like, I just wasn't happy with myself, but I projected a lot.
Rachel Casey (00:05:38):
A lot in my drinking was what I'd wished I could do.
Rachel Casey (00:05:42):
How did...
Rachel Casey (00:05:44):
did you go through AA?
Rachel Casey (00:05:47):
Did you go through just working with someone or how did you?
Rachel Casey (00:05:53):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:05:55):
And again,
Rachel Casey (00:05:55):
like we say every time,
Rachel Casey (00:05:56):
like we're not a representation of AA,
Rachel Casey (00:05:58):
but we also got sober through AA.
Colin Casey (00:06:01):
Was there a specific event or reason that you want to share on what made you decide to quit?
Tey Moore (00:06:09):
Yeah, I was getting, I was,
Tey Moore (00:06:13):
After an accident, I was holding a lot.
Tey Moore (00:06:15):
I was like, I was the brunch man.
Tey Moore (00:06:17):
So I would go anywhere to brunch.
Tey Moore (00:06:21):
And I was like, it can't be brunch.
Tey Moore (00:06:24):
It doesn't have bottomless mimosas.
Rachel Casey (00:06:29):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:06:29):
And I remember being in the service industry,
Rachel Casey (00:06:32):
there came a point where I started shaking if I didn't have a drink.
Rachel Casey (00:06:35):
And so I would stink like a shot or even on brunch shifts, I was...
Rachel Casey (00:06:41):
for sure getting most like there was no doubt and because i would shake and so then
Rachel Casey (00:06:47):
it's like i have to drink to be normal to be and that was an alarming you know but
Tey Moore (00:06:54):
i was i was a bartender too so i understand everything going through
Rachel Casey (00:06:59):
That was on my amends list, too, was that alcohol.
Rachel Casey (00:07:04):
Like, technically, I stole it.
Rachel Casey (00:07:06):
Because,
Rachel Casey (00:07:07):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:07:07):
we,
Rachel Casey (00:07:08):
as like a bartender,
Rachel Casey (00:07:09):
server,
Rachel Casey (00:07:10):
whatever,
Rachel Casey (00:07:10):
I don't know why I felt so entitled.
Rachel Casey (00:07:13):
You know, it's like, oh, I just, like...
Rachel Casey (00:07:17):
I didn't deserve the the owners paid for that bottle like I understand they're
Rachel Casey (00:07:21):
making money but they're also paying the rent and um there was I did feel badly
Rachel Casey (00:07:28):
because when you think about like the moral inventory of yeah that probably wasn't
Rachel Casey (00:07:33):
very nice would I like if someone did that to my restaurant no and
Tey Moore (00:07:39):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:07:44):
It's well,
Rachel Casey (00:07:45):
we've talked about amends is it's,
Rachel Casey (00:07:48):
it's for me,
Rachel Casey (00:07:49):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:07:50):
like I don't want to feel badly for it.
Rachel Casey (00:07:53):
And so like acknowledging it, saying it's there.
Rachel Casey (00:07:57):
And then like, I can be sincere or I practice until I'm sincere.
Rachel Casey (00:08:03):
And then I kind of let it go.
Rachel Casey (00:08:05):
And yeah,
Rachel Casey (00:08:08):
the burden is me caring.
Rachel Casey (00:08:09):
They don't, they probably don't care, but I care.
Tey Moore (00:08:11):
Okay.
Rachel Casey (00:08:14):
Well, maybe they care.
Rachel Casey (00:08:15):
I don't know.
Rachel Casey (00:08:16):
It's cool to see all these people kind of getting towards sobriety.
Rachel Casey (00:08:19):
It's nice.
Tey Moore (00:08:19):
Right.
Tey Moore (00:08:20):
Exactly.
Colin Casey (00:08:22):
Yeah.
Colin Casey (00:08:22):
And I also been enjoying just kind of the,
Colin Casey (00:08:26):
the movement that now the younger generation is going to have addictions elsewhere
Colin Casey (00:08:32):
to deal with.
Colin Casey (00:08:32):
I feel like whether it's gambling or, um, marijuana or the weed,
Colin Casey (00:08:38):
the weed i feel really old god damn but i feel like there's a big push for some of
Colin Casey (00:08:47):
those things where a lot of the new generation younger generation isn't that
Colin Casey (00:08:52):
interested in drinking um and i find that to be interesting and really cool but it
Colin Casey (00:08:57):
also worries some of what other trap are they gonna fall into that you know in 20
Colin Casey (00:09:02):
years what's
Colin Casey (00:09:04):
their rehab situation going to be like because i could see gambling being a real
Colin Casey (00:09:09):
big thing i don't know if that's legal in atlanta but i know texas they're pushing
Colin Casey (00:09:14):
hard to get casinos and sports gambling here what is your sobriety date again my
Tey Moore (00:09:20):
sobriety day is august 16th 2022
Rachel Casey (00:09:25):
Awesome.
Rachel Casey (00:09:26):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:09:28):
And then we're November 22, 21.
Rachel Casey (00:09:30):
Okay.
Rachel Casey (00:09:31):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:09:33):
And man, so what was that day like for you?
Rachel Casey (00:09:37):
Was it random?
Tey Moore (00:09:40):
Nah,
Tey Moore (00:09:41):
because I actually called one of my close friends that actually goes to A.
Tey Moore (00:09:47):
He went to A and became sober.
Tey Moore (00:09:50):
And when he first became sober, I was just like, how did he become sober?
Tey Moore (00:09:54):
Yeah.
Tey Moore (00:09:55):
Because we went to college together,
Tey Moore (00:09:57):
and we used to call,
Tey Moore (00:09:59):
we used to say,
Tey Moore (00:10:00):
no taste buds when we drank,
Tey Moore (00:10:02):
because when you drank,
Tey Moore (00:10:03):
you didn't have no taste buds.
Tey Moore (00:10:05):
You can do whatever you wanted.
Rachel Casey (00:10:07):
Bottomly, yeah.
Tey Moore (00:10:08):
Right.
Tey Moore (00:10:09):
So we used to call, no taste buds.
Tey Moore (00:10:12):
And then I seen it, he became sober.
Tey Moore (00:10:14):
He's living a way better life.
Tey Moore (00:10:17):
He's happy, and he can be around liquor without even thinking about it twice.
Rachel Casey (00:10:22):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:10:22):
Yeah.
Tey Moore (00:10:24):
when I felt like I had my rock bottom,
Tey Moore (00:10:27):
because my mom,
Tey Moore (00:10:28):
she had told me,
Tey Moore (00:10:29):
like,
Tey Moore (00:10:30):
I want you to be sober.
Tey Moore (00:10:32):
I want you drinking all the time.
Tey Moore (00:10:34):
Because she used to see how anger I would get when I didn't have no liquor.
Tey Moore (00:10:40):
So I called him up.
Tey Moore (00:10:42):
I was like, hey, hey, what's A?
Tey Moore (00:10:46):
How did I get into it?
Tey Moore (00:10:49):
He gave me the app, the meeting app.
Tey Moore (00:10:53):
he's like trying to meet near you and go in there so that's what i did i looked it
Tey Moore (00:10:59):
up and i seen they had a meeting on thursday on wednesday so i went it was like the
Colin Casey (00:11:05):
scariest thing yeah that's how i felt yeah she had her named fake name picked out
Rachel Casey (00:11:13):
and everything sat in the back corner
Colin Casey (00:11:16):
right yeah my name was gonna be cinderella i still remember the there's a guy in
Colin Casey (00:11:21):
there that goes there and i remember the first thing he just like looked at us and
Colin Casey (00:11:26):
said hey you guys are new what's your name and just so energetic and full of energy
Colin Casey (00:11:30):
i love him so much and i was just at the time i'm like who is this guy and why is
Colin Casey (00:11:34):
he so happy and like you're just trying to sneak in into this place and then
Colin Casey (00:11:40):
I sat him back too.
Colin Casey (00:11:42):
Yeah, and I'm getting called out, and then on day two, he's like, hey, you're back.
Rachel Casey (00:11:47):
We remembered our names and everything,
Rachel Casey (00:11:49):
and we had,
Rachel Casey (00:11:50):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:11:50):
it was,
Rachel Casey (00:11:51):
life was pretty blurry,
Rachel Casey (00:11:53):
pretty scary.
Rachel Casey (00:11:56):
We didn't know yet.
Rachel Casey (00:11:57):
You know, we were just like, we were told we took the desire chip.
Rachel Casey (00:12:02):
And that was scary too.
Rachel Casey (00:12:04):
And I don't know that I really understood, but it was that, it was Teddy at the end, you know,
Rachel Casey (00:12:11):
want to want to take you know like i'm like i guess yeah like it seems to be the
Colin Casey (00:12:18):
thing to do people are nudging us to take it and you just because in the beginning
Tey Moore (00:12:21):
i don't know how y'all made this all run but mine in the beginning they're like
Tey Moore (00:12:27):
with the chip shake and then like anybody's want to start a new life we could have
Tey Moore (00:12:33):
a white chip i was like looking around like showers my hand
Rachel Casey (00:12:40):
yeah it's scary it's a lot like i still yeah and then i saw on instagram i guess
Rachel Casey (00:12:47):
because everyone looks at you and you're like yeah you're like sitting here like
Rachel Casey (00:12:51):
sweat i was sweating shaking and you know like the booze sweating out i was so
Rachel Casey (00:12:57):
scared
Colin Casey (00:12:58):
But I saw you out on Instagram.
Colin Casey (00:13:00):
You said on, I guess someone recorded your first year.
Colin Casey (00:13:04):
I didn't know there'd be birthday cake.
Colin Casey (00:13:06):
And you're excited.
Colin Casey (00:13:08):
I'm so happy.
Colin Casey (00:13:10):
And then you said for year two, you wanted ice cream cake.
Colin Casey (00:13:12):
So I was wondering if you do it with ice cream cake now.
Colin Casey (00:13:15):
I never got it.
Rachel Casey (00:13:17):
Yeah, they didn't have cake at our birthday night either.
Colin Casey (00:13:19):
Yeah, our last one we didn't get cake.
Rachel Casey (00:13:21):
And Evan was very upset.
Colin Casey (00:13:22):
Yeah, our son was bummed out because that's what he looks forward to at birthday night as well.
Rachel Casey (00:13:27):
I wasn't able to go.
Rachel Casey (00:13:28):
I had no voice and I was sick.
Rachel Casey (00:13:30):
Like, I mean...
Rachel Casey (00:13:33):
I'm still recovering from that.
Rachel Casey (00:13:35):
I don't know.
Rachel Casey (00:13:37):
It's fun.
Rachel Casey (00:13:38):
It's fun.
Rachel Casey (00:13:38):
But we're getting through it.
Rachel Casey (00:13:41):
We're one day at a time.
Rachel Casey (00:13:42):
The steps help me live life.
Colin Casey (00:13:46):
And that's another thing that I've really found with AA.
Colin Casey (00:13:50):
And I don't know how you first thought of it.
Colin Casey (00:13:53):
Because like you said, we kind of go into this program unaware of what it actually is like.
Colin Casey (00:13:59):
And I thought it was a program to help me stop drinking,
Colin Casey (00:14:02):
not realizing it's kind of like this blueprint to help you live life.
Colin Casey (00:14:07):
And it was something I never had because I always felt a little self-conscious or a
Colin Casey (00:14:12):
little scared to like just go out in the world and try in case I failed.
Colin Casey (00:14:18):
And this just said, don't think long term like that.
Colin Casey (00:14:22):
Just one day at a time.
Colin Casey (00:14:24):
Just one step at a time.
Colin Casey (00:14:26):
Mm hmm.
Rachel Casey (00:14:28):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:14:29):
I mean, um, it was, yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:14:33):
And I got a sponsor like right at,
Rachel Casey (00:14:37):
uh,
Rachel Casey (00:14:38):
I think it was two weeks and it was that guy who was so happy and chaired.
Rachel Casey (00:14:42):
I remember like pulling him to the side after the meeting and I was like,
Rachel Casey (00:14:46):
so like,
Rachel Casey (00:14:48):
how do you even get a sponsor?
Rachel Casey (00:14:50):
And he's like, just go ask someone.
Rachel Casey (00:14:51):
I was like, go ask someone.
Rachel Casey (00:14:53):
I was like, absolutely not.
Rachel Casey (00:14:55):
Like I am already like,
Rachel Casey (00:14:59):
again it wasn't um it hadn't uh i mean i went every single day and i pretty much
Rachel Casey (00:15:07):
just went meeting to meeting like it was meeting and i slept and i slept the sleep
Rachel Casey (00:15:13):
started getting great and um then i mean for anyone listening now that's like
Rachel Casey (00:15:21):
thinking about sobriety
Rachel Casey (00:15:24):
It takes, like, I don't know quite when the transformation changes.
Rachel Casey (00:15:30):
I've seen it in my sponsees.
Rachel Casey (00:15:32):
I've seen it where we come to meet and there's a new light in their eye.
Rachel Casey (00:15:37):
And it's just trusting the process.
Rachel Casey (00:15:42):
And it doesn't, it's actually what I, what have people said that
Rachel Casey (00:15:49):
the steps are easy we make it hard you know we make we we make it as difficult or
Rachel Casey (00:15:56):
as easy as we want it to be um i really didn't stutter other than i mean i did take
Rachel Casey (00:16:03):
two i did two weeks for my fourth step that was hard it was hard i carried it with
Rachel Casey (00:16:11):
me i wouldn't even leave it here with you i was like nope it came with me in my car
Rachel Casey (00:16:17):
Because that was another thing I really liked for my sponsor was she's like moral
Rachel Casey (00:16:23):
inventory is moral.
Rachel Casey (00:16:25):
That means the good and the bad.
Rachel Casey (00:16:27):
And so for every bad thing I wrote,
Rachel Casey (00:16:29):
I also countered it with either what I learned or something positive,
Rachel Casey (00:16:36):
whether that be like I can share it with another person or whatever.
Rachel Casey (00:16:41):
You know, I learned I don't want to do that again or whatever that be.
Rachel Casey (00:16:46):
And in my big book, I have moral means the good and the bad.
Tey Moore (00:16:53):
I thought it was so funny when I got my sponsor because there's like, get a sponsor.
Tey Moore (00:17:01):
So the first thing I was like, I looked at someone, I was like, hey, you want my sponsor?
Tey Moore (00:17:06):
He's like, yep, just call me.
(00:17:10):
And that was it.
Tey Moore (00:17:11):
Right, right.
Tey Moore (00:17:12):
But then he, like, moved away, so then I had to get another sponsor.
Rachel Casey (00:17:19):
Yeah, it's...
Rachel Casey (00:17:21):
And also for, again, just, I don't know who, again, I don't really know who listens.
Rachel Casey (00:17:26):
If anyone,
Rachel Casey (00:17:27):
like if this hits home,
Rachel Casey (00:17:28):
but not,
Rachel Casey (00:17:30):
if you don't gel with your sponsor,
Rachel Casey (00:17:32):
like it's not a commitment.
Rachel Casey (00:17:34):
It's not a contract, whatever you've seen on TV.
Rachel Casey (00:17:37):
Like there are some episodes where even when we, um, we had just watched a clean and sober, um,
Rachel Casey (00:17:44):
is a movie from the 80s with Michael Keaton.
Rachel Casey (00:17:52):
And the sponsor drives him home from rehab and he's out there cleaning his house.
Rachel Casey (00:17:59):
And I mean, there are people that will do that.
Rachel Casey (00:18:02):
But also, it's not a babysitting thing.
Rachel Casey (00:18:06):
We're also not police.
Rachel Casey (00:18:07):
Or if you sponsor...
Rachel Casey (00:18:09):
It's the only thing that we can really do is suggest what we did or what someone else did.
Rachel Casey (00:18:15):
And they told us how to do it.
(00:18:16):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:18:18):
Like if you're,
Rachel Casey (00:18:19):
if you're craving a drink,
Rachel Casey (00:18:20):
you go to a meeting and it,
Rachel Casey (00:18:22):
or call another alcoholic.
Rachel Casey (00:18:24):
That's another big one.
Rachel Casey (00:18:25):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:18:26):
There's so many meetings online.
Rachel Casey (00:18:28):
Like, yeah, especially now I listened to podcasts for speaker meetings.
Rachel Casey (00:18:32):
Like that was how I listened to Joe and Charlie.
Colin Casey (00:18:35):
I know when I finally got my sponsor,
Colin Casey (00:18:39):
because I was very slow to the process and slow in getting a sponsor.
Colin Casey (00:18:44):
And when I reached out and asked him, hey, do you want to be my sponsor?
Colin Casey (00:18:48):
One of the first things he did was reach out and talk to his sponsor and said,
Colin Casey (00:18:54):
hey,
Colin Casey (00:18:56):
Colin asked me to be his sponsor.
Colin Casey (00:18:58):
And his sponsor told him like...
Colin Casey (00:19:01):
I've heard Rachel in the meetings.
Colin Casey (00:19:03):
Are you sure you want to be this guy's sponsor?
Colin Casey (00:19:08):
He's like, it could be a real, real big commitment.
Colin Casey (00:19:12):
And he's like, I think I can do it.
Colin Casey (00:19:14):
And so I'm glad he took me on.
Rachel Casey (00:19:16):
But another thing I learned, and it was hard.
Rachel Casey (00:19:19):
Like, I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:19:21):
one of the more difficult things in sobriety is I used to,
Rachel Casey (00:19:25):
again,
Rachel Casey (00:19:25):
before the steps before learning about myself is I would,
Rachel Casey (00:19:31):
Hey,
Rachel Casey (00:19:31):
have you found a sponsor yet?
Rachel Casey (00:19:33):
And it wasn't in a nice caring way.
Rachel Casey (00:19:35):
And I think I was in fear.
Rachel Casey (00:19:37):
I was in big fear.
Rachel Casey (00:19:39):
Like I didn't know what I would do if you came home with alcohol and, um,
Rachel Casey (00:19:45):
Everyone in the meeting scared me so much that like,
Rachel Casey (00:19:47):
if you didn't get a sponsor,
Rachel Casey (00:19:48):
like you were going to drink or you were going to be like this mean old person.
Tey Moore (00:19:51):
You gotta be, you gotta be humble to get a sponsor.
Rachel Casey (00:19:56):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:19:56):
Well, and he just wasn't ready.
Rachel Casey (00:19:58):
He like,
Rachel Casey (00:19:58):
he was still,
Rachel Casey (00:20:00):
he had his own process and I was told by my sponsor,
Rachel Casey (00:20:05):
his sobriety is none of my business.
Rachel Casey (00:20:08):
it my sobriety is my business and um you know so she told me focus on you like it
Rachel Casey (00:20:16):
doesn't matter what he's doing you shouldn't be asking because what is it how does
Rachel Casey (00:20:22):
it affect you if it's not happening if i'm thinking it's gonna happen that's future
Rachel Casey (00:20:27):
tripping you know but it's hard it was hard and the reason i said you gotta be
Tey Moore (00:20:36):
humble
Tey Moore (00:20:37):
Because you actually got to open up to this person.
Tey Moore (00:20:41):
Tell me some of the darkest things you ever would have thought of.
Tey Moore (00:20:45):
And I don't know how I do it, but my sponsor had read the Big Blue Book to me.
Tey Moore (00:20:53):
Because he was like, did you read the Big Blue Book?
Tey Moore (00:20:55):
I was like, yep.
Tey Moore (00:20:57):
But then he was like, you didn't read it.
Tey Moore (00:21:00):
But then I was like, no, I read it.
Tey Moore (00:21:01):
But when he read it with me, it was like a whole new life opened.
Tey Moore (00:21:07):
He's explaining to me every little sentence.
Tey Moore (00:21:10):
Maybe to be a man and another man reading to me is like, nah, I don't know about this.
Rachel Casey (00:21:18):
I know.
Rachel Casey (00:21:18):
I felt the same at first or meeting.
Rachel Casey (00:21:23):
And the main thing we talked about
Rachel Casey (00:21:26):
was just what, I don't remember what I said to be honest.
Rachel Casey (00:21:29):
Like I was like just scared and I will,
Rachel Casey (00:21:33):
the only thing I do remember like so specifically is she asked me if I was willing
Rachel Casey (00:21:38):
to do anything to get sober.
Rachel Casey (00:21:40):
And I was like, absolutely.
Rachel Casey (00:21:41):
Like I was like, I don't want to, I'm so tired of this life.
Rachel Casey (00:21:45):
Like I hate,
Rachel Casey (00:21:46):
I was,
Rachel Casey (00:21:47):
cause I was still,
Rachel Casey (00:21:49):
I like,
Rachel Casey (00:21:50):
I didn't understand how life was going to be without it.
Rachel Casey (00:21:53):
The first thing I'm like,
Rachel Casey (00:21:54):
how am I going to go to Evan's wedding?
Rachel Casey (00:21:56):
And he was two.
Rachel Casey (00:21:57):
And I'm like, I'm going to be the weird mom that doesn't drink.
(00:22:01):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:22:01):
Like, no.
Rachel Casey (00:22:04):
And I can't.
Rachel Casey (00:22:06):
And I'm like, why is that my first thought?
Rachel Casey (00:22:08):
Like, if I want to be at my son's wedding, I don't want to be drunk.
Rachel Casey (00:22:14):
Like,
Rachel Casey (00:22:15):
I don't,
Rachel Casey (00:22:15):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:22:16):
and that's where the realization of like how the malady of the mind and the,
Rachel Casey (00:22:22):
the,
Rachel Casey (00:22:24):
Jay Walker really resonates with me.
Rachel Casey (00:22:26):
That's a very big topic of, you know, Jay Walker goes across the street, breaks his arm.
Rachel Casey (00:22:32):
That's not that bad.
Rachel Casey (00:22:32):
We'll do it differently and do it differently and do it differently.
Rachel Casey (00:22:35):
And like, I couldn't do it differently anymore.
Rachel Casey (00:22:39):
I was done.
Rachel Casey (00:22:40):
I was toast.
Colin Casey (00:22:43):
What,
Colin Casey (00:22:44):
uh,
Colin Casey (00:22:44):
for you,
Colin Casey (00:22:45):
what worked in the beginning when you were going through sobriety and then what,
Colin Casey (00:22:50):
how has that evolved to what you do now?
Colin Casey (00:22:52):
Oh,
Tey Moore (00:22:55):
i would say the biggest thing i heard was when that first meeting there's just like
Tey Moore (00:23:01):
just don't drink today that's yeah that's what right right and at first you think
Tey Moore (00:23:08):
it's such a big thing like don't drink today are you crazy but then once you wake
Tey Moore (00:23:14):
up and you're just like i can take over the world yeah
Rachel Casey (00:23:19):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:23:20):
And even if I didn't,
Rachel Casey (00:23:21):
which I'll be honest,
Rachel Casey (00:23:22):
I was,
Rachel Casey (00:23:23):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:23:23):
with a toddler and sometimes mornings were hard.
Rachel Casey (00:23:28):
But I told myself having the commitment,
Rachel Casey (00:23:32):
and I think that is half of the reason for suggesting 90 and 90.
Rachel Casey (00:23:39):
If you are OCD like I am,
Rachel Casey (00:23:42):
don't get obsessed with it because then you're going backwards a little bit.
Rachel Casey (00:23:47):
But the point is that you wake up and you're like,
Rachel Casey (00:23:52):
okay, well, I'm going to the meeting tonight at five, six, et cetera.
Rachel Casey (00:23:57):
And you just make it till then.
Rachel Casey (00:23:59):
And then you go to the meeting, you feel good.
Rachel Casey (00:24:01):
You go to bed and you're like,
Rachel Casey (00:24:02):
okay,
Rachel Casey (00:24:03):
I'm going to wake up tomorrow and I'll choose,
Rachel Casey (00:24:07):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:24:07):
and you just kind of practice it until.
Tey Moore (00:24:09):
In the beginning, I remember I used to go to the meetings at six.
Tey Moore (00:24:16):
I would just call my happy hour.
Rachel Casey (00:24:19):
Really?
Rachel Casey (00:24:19):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:24:21):
yeah my games with it well there was people and i don't know how it land i've been
Rachel Casey (00:24:31):
to so we've been to like vegas i've done what california we've done we did not do
Rachel Casey (00:24:37):
michigan um definitely not florida um
Tey Moore (00:24:43):
I did Florida.
Rachel Casey (00:24:44):
You have?
Rachel Casey (00:24:44):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:24:45):
And there's usually people there early and it's either someone with long-term
Rachel Casey (00:24:51):
sobriety or it's someone with like very little sobriety.
Rachel Casey (00:24:55):
And both are great because you're either learning or you're giving,
Rachel Casey (00:25:00):
sharing,
Rachel Casey (00:25:01):
carrying the message.
Rachel Casey (00:25:02):
You know, like there's, I've never been there and there's like no one to talk to.
Tey Moore (00:25:05):
Right.
Rachel Casey (00:25:09):
It might be weird, but.
Tey Moore (00:25:10):
I went to Florida last year
Tey Moore (00:25:13):
And my friend had died and I was like losing it.
Tey Moore (00:25:18):
So I called myself.
Tey Moore (00:25:19):
He's like, find a meeting.
Tey Moore (00:25:22):
It's anywhere near you.
Tey Moore (00:25:24):
And I was like, I don't think I can do it.
Tey Moore (00:25:26):
But once I entered that building, it was like a whole new light was shed on me.
Tey Moore (00:25:34):
Like they didn't just treat me like a stranger or anything.
Tey Moore (00:25:38):
They're like comforted me.
Tey Moore (00:25:40):
and spoke life into me.
Tey Moore (00:25:44):
Yeah, and that's how... I knew at that point, I was like, fuck it, I'm going to drink.
Colin Casey (00:25:51):
Mm-hmm.
Colin Casey (00:25:54):
Yeah,
Colin Casey (00:25:54):
that I really love about the AA is just everywhere you go,
Colin Casey (00:25:59):
it's like the same but different.
Rachel Casey (00:26:01):
And well, I say I have friends everywhere.
Colin Casey (00:26:03):
Yeah, exactly.
Colin Casey (00:26:03):
Because they all get it.
Colin Casey (00:26:05):
And the one thing I feel like that if you're in this program,
Colin Casey (00:26:10):
then you just immediately understand someone else's pain if they're struggling at
Colin Casey (00:26:16):
that moment.
Colin Casey (00:26:17):
And
Colin Casey (00:26:18):
they will drop whatever to support and help you.
Colin Casey (00:26:22):
And that's the real cool thing about the program.
(00:26:26):
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Tey Moore (00:26:27):
I just felt so out of place because,
Tey Moore (00:26:30):
you know,
Tey Moore (00:26:30):
when you read samples,
Tey Moore (00:26:33):
it says,
Tey Moore (00:26:34):
like,
Tey Moore (00:26:34):
smash,
Tey Moore (00:26:35):
and we smash the table at my AAB.
Tey Moore (00:26:38):
Really?
Tey Moore (00:26:40):
Yeah, we, like, smash.
Rachel Casey (00:26:42):
Man, do that here.
Tey Moore (00:26:43):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:26:44):
I've never heard that.
Tey Moore (00:26:45):
I did that in Florida.
Tey Moore (00:26:49):
It was like smash.
Tey Moore (00:26:50):
I was like smash.
Tey Moore (00:26:52):
And everybody just looked at me.
Tey Moore (00:26:54):
I was like, oh my bad.
Rachel Casey (00:26:56):
Oh yeah, because in Texas we say it works if you work it.
Rachel Casey (00:26:59):
And I remember they did not do that in Vegas.
Colin Casey (00:27:02):
That's right.
Colin Casey (00:27:04):
They did hold hands though, I think.
Colin Casey (00:27:05):
And usually it's serenity prayer.
Rachel Casey (00:27:09):
It's here in Texas.
Rachel Casey (00:27:11):
That was one of my other...
Rachel Casey (00:27:15):
this was my moment where I thought,
Rachel Casey (00:27:17):
um,
Rachel Casey (00:27:18):
I was on the,
Rachel Casey (00:27:19):
the Jim Carrey,
Rachel Casey (00:27:20):
the people,
Rachel Casey (00:27:21):
everyone's watching you.
Rachel Casey (00:27:22):
Like it's a big prank.
Rachel Casey (00:27:23):
Like Kutcher is we did not,
Rachel Casey (00:27:27):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:27:27):
we've been together,
Rachel Casey (00:27:28):
uh,
Rachel Casey (00:27:30):
six years at the time and you don't go to church.
Rachel Casey (00:27:33):
And I didn't go to church.
Rachel Casey (00:27:34):
Like we were both on the same page on that.
Rachel Casey (00:27:36):
And at the end they say the Lord's prayer.
Rachel Casey (00:27:39):
And I'm like,
Rachel Casey (00:27:41):
I don't know it.
Rachel Casey (00:27:41):
And I'm like looking around to see if it's, and he's saying it.
Rachel Casey (00:27:46):
And I was like, you don't know prayer.
Rachel Casey (00:27:50):
And I was like, who is, what kind of prank is this?
Rachel Casey (00:27:54):
And I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:27:54):
I remember the whole time I'm frantic,
Rachel Casey (00:27:56):
like looking around,
Rachel Casey (00:27:57):
I'm like,
Rachel Casey (00:27:57):
okay,
Rachel Casey (00:27:57):
I see a serenity prayer and I see like steps and like traditions.
Rachel Casey (00:28:01):
I'm like, I see no Lord's prayer.
Colin Casey (00:28:03):
yeah and you're like how did you know I'm like what do you mean how did I know that
Rachel Casey (00:28:07):
I'm I was raised Jewish what what do you want me to do like of course I know that I
Rachel Casey (00:28:12):
didn't know the Lord's what yeah and then you're like yeah my hands all sweaty and
Rachel Casey (00:28:25):
clammy already I feel you talking I'm like when yeah this is not the Colin I know
Colin Casey (00:28:33):
that the yeah the colt grabbed me all of a sudden this was your plan all along
Rachel Casey (00:28:41):
you're like i'm gonna get her and i'm gonna all of a sudden like yeah i'm serious i
Rachel Casey (00:28:46):
was like is the tv crew gonna come out because this isn't real that was funny yeah
Colin Casey (00:28:51):
when you didn't read i was like oh yeah i thought he was looking somewhere so i
Rachel Casey (00:28:54):
kept like i'm like where is he looking yeah nope i knew that one growing up
Rachel Casey (00:29:03):
yeah i mean i also thought that because they had our the meeting in a like square
Rachel Casey (00:29:09):
and then they had chairs on the outside so they have like table and then there's
Rachel Casey (00:29:14):
chairs so we again back corner and um i thought the people at the like the table i
Rachel Casey (00:29:22):
thought those were like in charge
Colin Casey (00:29:25):
Oh yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:29:28):
Like, cause they had the book and like, that was just the chair person.
Rachel Casey (00:29:31):
But like, I was like, Oh, we should have sat on the other corner.
Rachel Casey (00:29:35):
Cause like, we're near the, like the guards.
Rachel Casey (00:29:36):
Like, I don't know what these people are.
Rachel Casey (00:29:39):
And I just was like, okay.
Rachel Casey (00:29:42):
And yeah.
Colin Casey (00:29:44):
Did you ever have,
Colin Casey (00:29:45):
like,
Colin Casey (00:29:45):
when you got so used to the group that you went to,
Colin Casey (00:29:50):
and then you went to a different group,
Colin Casey (00:29:52):
and it was,
Colin Casey (00:29:52):
like,
Colin Casey (00:29:52):
just organized a little differently,
Colin Casey (00:29:55):
like the layout?
Colin Casey (00:29:56):
And I was just like, we're doing it wrong here.
Colin Casey (00:29:58):
Uh-uh.
Colin Casey (00:29:59):
We're supposed to be in a circle, the tables.
Colin Casey (00:30:01):
When I went to Florida,
Tey Moore (00:30:04):
the little preamps,
Tey Moore (00:30:05):
they actually,
Tey Moore (00:30:06):
like,
Tey Moore (00:30:06):
handed them out to,
Tey Moore (00:30:07):
like,
Tey Moore (00:30:07):
certain people before the meeting.
Tey Moore (00:30:09):
Okay.
Tey Moore (00:30:11):
You come in, you grab one and you read it.
Tey Moore (00:30:16):
Sometimes I was like, oh, okay.
Tey Moore (00:30:21):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:30:22):
And I will,
Rachel Casey (00:30:24):
as you spoke about,
Rachel Casey (00:30:26):
I also went line by line with my sponsor and I thought it was the weirdest thing
Rachel Casey (00:30:31):
because we would meet weekly and I'm kind of like,
Rachel Casey (00:30:37):
okay,
Rachel Casey (00:30:37):
like
Rachel Casey (00:30:39):
when's the magic gonna happen you know like and um she's like no just you know this
Rachel Casey (00:30:47):
is this way and she did have a few worksheets um but i sucked at reading because i
Rachel Casey (00:30:53):
didn't i was drinking so much like i hadn't read books i didn't read books at night
Rachel Casey (00:30:59):
and it was kind of embarrassing because we would take turns and i'm just like
Rachel Casey (00:31:05):
So we're just going to read to each other.
Rachel Casey (00:31:06):
And I'm like, we're not doing this whole book, are we?
Colin Casey (00:31:12):
Right, right.
Rachel Casey (00:31:14):
Not only did we do that book, we also did the 12 and 12.
Rachel Casey (00:31:16):
We also did Drop the Rock.
Rachel Casey (00:31:18):
But it did feel very weird at first.
Rachel Casey (00:31:20):
I remember being like...
Rachel Casey (00:31:22):
like in going back to grade school it's like okay so like is it paragraph paragraph
Rachel Casey (00:31:27):
or like she did paragraph and i'm like now what are we doing popcorn and then she
Rachel Casey (00:31:32):
then she got like so what did you think about that and i'm like i was focusing on
Tey Moore (00:31:36):
my next line my mama asked like do you know what that word means he uses ridiculous
Tey Moore (00:31:45):
words i'm like nah he'd be like go get that book it's like dictionary
Rachel Casey (00:31:52):
They also have one for AA too.
Rachel Casey (00:31:54):
It's like a big... Bill uses interesting words.
Rachel Casey (00:32:00):
Again, I like to remind everyone this 1920s, he was in the stock market crash.
Rachel Casey (00:32:07):
This was...
Rachel Casey (00:32:10):
They also, like, they don't talk about women getting sober.
Rachel Casey (00:32:13):
Not only that,
Rachel Casey (00:32:14):
I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:32:14):
I don't truly appreciate the chapter for the wives because they have the four
Rachel Casey (00:32:20):
different kinds of women and wives of Susan.
Rachel Casey (00:32:25):
And I can't even remember.
Rachel Casey (00:32:28):
I actually got very, I, that was the one chapter I got mad at.
(00:32:32):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:32:33):
And I was like, you know, but again, I'm not mad because that was the times.
Rachel Casey (00:32:40):
Like, that's how life was.
Rachel Casey (00:32:42):
You have to share with what is happening now.
Rachel Casey (00:32:46):
Otherwise, it's not relatable.
Tey Moore (00:32:50):
How would an updated book look?
Rachel Casey (00:32:55):
That was actually one of the things that made me kind of upset, to be honest.
Rachel Casey (00:33:00):
And I think it...
Rachel Casey (00:33:02):
again, comes back to ego and personal, but I was on group conscious.
Rachel Casey (00:33:08):
I was told not to go until I was one year sober.
Rachel Casey (00:33:12):
And I was very excited to be of service.
Rachel Casey (00:33:16):
I was excited to like go help.
Rachel Casey (00:33:18):
Um, I was very involved and, um,
Rachel Casey (00:33:22):
the things that were said,
Rachel Casey (00:33:24):
cause they had suggested a big book,
Rachel Casey (00:33:28):
but at a fifth grade reading level,
Rachel Casey (00:33:30):
because they have found that,
Rachel Casey (00:33:31):
especially like in prison,
Rachel Casey (00:33:34):
Bill,
Rachel Casey (00:33:35):
he just uses harder words and like,
Rachel Casey (00:33:37):
it's not to change the text.
Rachel Casey (00:33:39):
It's just to make it more understandable,
Rachel Casey (00:33:41):
more relatable because it can,
Rachel Casey (00:33:46):
sobriety is not supposed to feel like a challenge just to read the literature.
Rachel Casey (00:33:51):
The point of,
Rachel Casey (00:33:54):
AA is like Bill carried the message.
Rachel Casey (00:33:57):
He also didn't care if you,
Rachel Casey (00:33:59):
they did the primary purpose,
Rachel Casey (00:34:00):
but like he had problems with other drugs.
Rachel Casey (00:34:04):
Now,
Rachel Casey (00:34:04):
again,
Rachel Casey (00:34:05):
we primary mine was alcohol too,
Rachel Casey (00:34:08):
but if I'm being honest,
Rachel Casey (00:34:11):
like the alcohol led to other things and I,
Rachel Casey (00:34:14):
it breaks my heart when someone is like,
Rachel Casey (00:34:18):
Hey, we, we don't, Hey, stick to the primary purpose.
Rachel Casey (00:34:21):
Like we don't need to be talking about drugs.
Rachel Casey (00:34:22):
Like it's triggering.
Rachel Casey (00:34:23):
It's their truth.
Rachel Casey (00:34:25):
That truth might relate to the person in the back.
Rachel Casey (00:34:27):
Who's about to go use tonight.
Rachel Casey (00:34:29):
Like you don't, you don't know.
Rachel Casey (00:34:30):
That's what it's again, look for the similarities.
Rachel Casey (00:34:33):
And I find the similarities.
Rachel Casey (00:34:35):
Like I thought it was very heartwarming that there was, but, um, it got shut down and, um,
Rachel Casey (00:34:43):
It made me not feel good.
Rachel Casey (00:34:45):
And I was in studying recovery at the time.
Rachel Casey (00:34:49):
I'm still studying at ASU and it made me really,
Rachel Casey (00:34:52):
really sad to hear people that bent on,
Rachel Casey (00:35:00):
like,
Rachel Casey (00:35:00):
it has to stay the same.
Rachel Casey (00:35:03):
It's hard because there's this balance of respect and it saved my life.
Rachel Casey (00:35:09):
And I,
Rachel Casey (00:35:10):
I think he said in the end, you know, more will be revealed.
Rachel Casey (00:35:13):
And I think some people forget that too.
Rachel Casey (00:35:16):
He had said he didn't have all the answers.
Rachel Casey (00:35:18):
He invested all of his money when he died to finding the cure for alcoholism or helping.
Rachel Casey (00:35:25):
Maybe I think they said not the cure,
Rachel Casey (00:35:27):
but for those that are so bad,
Rachel Casey (00:35:30):
it could maybe get them to a place where they would be willing to detox to then get
Rachel Casey (00:35:35):
the message.
Rachel Casey (00:35:35):
Like not as in a cure to be able to drink.
(00:35:39):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:35:41):
But,
Rachel Casey (00:35:42):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:35:42):
for because he also suffered with depression and he said that was really hard at times.
Rachel Casey (00:35:49):
So Bill was I love listening.
Rachel Casey (00:35:52):
I've gone and listened to some of his old tapes.
Rachel Casey (00:35:54):
If you go dig in the in the sober dark web, you know, and he's funny.
Rachel Casey (00:36:01):
He's he there's that thing.
Rachel Casey (00:36:05):
Don't take it too seriously.
Rachel Casey (00:36:06):
And there's some truth to that.
(00:36:10):
Right.
Rachel Casey (00:36:11):
um but it did at first save my life so it was very serious at first yeah and then
Colin Casey (00:36:17):
again you evolve well and like a question that's come up a few times so I'll ask it
Colin Casey (00:36:23):
because it feels like it came up naturally when you asked you know about updating
Colin Casey (00:36:27):
the blue book how would you do you think Bill would be into doing a podcast to help
Colin Casey (00:36:32):
carry the message or spread yeah I think I'm depressed yep
Colin Casey (00:36:37):
Yeah,
Colin Casey (00:36:38):
because like you said,
Colin Casey (00:36:39):
Rachel,
Colin Casey (00:36:39):
you know,
Colin Casey (00:36:39):
he did record himself and there are speaker meetings that are open for people like
Colin Casey (00:36:46):
Dallas Wide is an open one that they do.
Colin Casey (00:36:50):
And I think if he had the opportunity to do a podcast that I think he said it perfectly.
Tey Moore (00:36:57):
It's not promotion.
Tey Moore (00:37:00):
It's attraction.
Rachel Casey (00:37:02):
Exactly.
Rachel Casey (00:37:03):
Alcoholism was like a dirty secret.
Rachel Casey (00:37:05):
It was a red letter A and it was,
Rachel Casey (00:37:10):
we knew it was the secret sober power,
Rachel Casey (00:37:13):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:37:13):
like it makes,
Rachel Casey (00:37:15):
if you have it,
Rachel Casey (00:37:16):
like,
Rachel Casey (00:37:16):
I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:37:16):
he even,
Rachel Casey (00:37:17):
he's pretty tea toddling in the beginning.
Rachel Casey (00:37:19):
He says,
Rachel Casey (00:37:20):
if you think you're a heavy drinker,
Rachel Casey (00:37:21):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:37:23):
you can go to,
Rachel Casey (00:37:24):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:37:25):
um,
Rachel Casey (00:37:25):
we don't know if you'll,
Rachel Casey (00:37:26):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:37:27):
when you'll come back,
Rachel Casey (00:37:27):
but
Rachel Casey (00:37:29):
I know every single example I'd tried on Mondays.
Rachel Casey (00:37:31):
I'd tried on weekends.
Rachel Casey (00:37:32):
I'd tried on holidays.
Colin Casey (00:37:33):
Like, I mean, I knew just one glass or just after supper.
Rachel Casey (00:37:38):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:37:38):
There's so many different rules.
Tey Moore (00:37:40):
I tried.
Rachel Casey (00:37:44):
But that's not how, how alcoholism is looked at today.
Rachel Casey (00:37:51):
And I, I don't think there should be a stigma.
Rachel Casey (00:37:54):
Like,
Rachel Casey (00:37:56):
I have a disease.
Rachel Casey (00:37:57):
I have like,
Rachel Casey (00:37:58):
I'm allergic to alcohol and I have the disease of more and you know,
Rachel Casey (00:38:04):
Hey,
Rachel Casey (00:38:05):
that's a,
Rachel Casey (00:38:06):
you could use that word.
Tey Moore (00:38:07):
That phenomenon of drinking.
Tey Moore (00:38:09):
Once I heard that, I was like, you know what?
Tey Moore (00:38:14):
Because I never can have like one drink.
Rachel Casey (00:38:17):
No, I know.
Rachel Casey (00:38:17):
Oh, I never wanted one.
Tey Moore (00:38:19):
Right, exactly.
Rachel Casey (00:38:20):
I just was like, that just doesn't sound fun.
Rachel Casey (00:38:24):
Like I always had, I was already ready to have my second.
Rachel Casey (00:38:29):
And I also thought like being bartending and serving, you were expected to sell too.
Rachel Casey (00:38:34):
Like, I mean, no one ever just had one, you know, it's always a refill or, I don't know.
Rachel Casey (00:38:41):
It's, I just, however the message gets there, I'm cool with it.
Rachel Casey (00:38:50):
I'm only sharing my truth.
Rachel Casey (00:38:52):
So, you know, I'm not like this.
Rachel Casey (00:38:55):
There's no secret.
Colin Casey (00:38:56):
Well, and we're not telling people how to do it.
Colin Casey (00:38:58):
We're only telling people what worked for us and just kind of how we perceive the
Colin Casey (00:39:03):
world through our eyes.
Rachel Casey (00:39:05):
But yeah, the stigma of it, we're not trying to be like- It's bad, it's bad, it's bad.
Tey Moore (00:39:11):
Because even when I went in for my first meeting,
Tey Moore (00:39:13):
I was just like,
Tey Moore (00:39:15):
I'm going to see a bunch of wine notes
Tey Moore (00:39:17):
But no, I seen a bunch of regular people that look like me.
Rachel Casey (00:39:21):
Or, yeah, I mean, that was the hope I got.
Rachel Casey (00:39:24):
And I'm just like, it's not what I thought.
Rachel Casey (00:39:28):
Like,
Rachel Casey (00:39:29):
I thought it was going to be like a bunch of guys smoking cigarettes and like a
Rachel Casey (00:39:32):
white tank top,
Rachel Casey (00:39:33):
cowboy hat.
(00:39:35):
Right, exactly.
Rachel Casey (00:39:35):
Hasn't showered in like 20 days.
Rachel Casey (00:39:37):
Like, I don't know.
Rachel Casey (00:39:38):
Like, it just, and it was nothing like that.
Rachel Casey (00:39:43):
Like, everyone was happy.
Tey Moore (00:39:45):
I was talking about this.
Tey Moore (00:39:48):
When you speak in there, you have to say, hey, my name is Ted.
Tey Moore (00:39:51):
I'm an alcoholic.
Tey Moore (00:39:53):
I used to think that was the stupidest shit ever.
Colin Casey (00:39:56):
Yeah, I agree with you, though.
Colin Casey (00:39:57):
I always thought there was something so weird about that.
Rachel Casey (00:40:00):
The only desire for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
Rachel Casey (00:40:04):
All you have to say is...
Rachel Casey (00:40:07):
I don't want to drink.
Rachel Casey (00:40:09):
And some people say I qualify.
Rachel Casey (00:40:11):
Hi, my names.
Rachel Casey (00:40:13):
I always, I mean, I said the first time I said alcoholic, I had tears just rolling down my face.
Rachel Casey (00:40:19):
They didn't ask us that first meeting.
Rachel Casey (00:40:22):
And the second one, I mean, it was the first time I had said it and it felt very heavy.
Tey Moore (00:40:26):
Right.
Tey Moore (00:40:27):
Exactly.
Tey Moore (00:40:29):
I couldn't believe I just said that alone.
Rachel Casey (00:40:32):
I couldn't.
Rachel Casey (00:40:32):
And I just had tears.
Rachel Casey (00:40:34):
Just, I mean, I thought I was like,
Rachel Casey (00:40:38):
life's over it's a life sentence like we're done and yeah all our drinking friends
Colin Casey (00:40:47):
all our bar friends i was gonna throw me to the side i had that little i had that
Rachel Casey (00:40:52):
my desire chip and i'm just like looking at it reading it and it's you know to
Rachel Casey (00:40:58):
thine own self be true and i i didn't know what that meant i'm like
Rachel Casey (00:41:03):
I don't know what.
Rachel Casey (00:41:04):
And I,
Rachel Casey (00:41:04):
you know,
Rachel Casey (00:41:04):
at the end of the day,
Rachel Casey (00:41:05):
I'm like,
Rachel Casey (00:41:05):
I am a mom,
Rachel Casey (00:41:07):
no college education,
Rachel Casey (00:41:09):
no job,
Rachel Casey (00:41:10):
like no.
Rachel Casey (00:41:11):
And him and I are at each other's throats.
Rachel Casey (00:41:14):
And again, it was I what I heard was.
Rachel Casey (00:41:23):
My sponsor would say, if you don't believe, do you believe that I believe?
Rachel Casey (00:41:27):
And I was like, yeah, you look like you believe it.
Rachel Casey (00:41:30):
And she's like, okay, then use mine.
Rachel Casey (00:41:33):
If you can't believe, use the I believe.
Rachel Casey (00:41:37):
And that helped me because I was like,
Rachel Casey (00:41:39):
I haven't had someone believe in me in a really long time.
Rachel Casey (00:41:42):
And yeah, it's just like when you go there, you feel good.
Tey Moore (00:41:50):
Really good.
Tey Moore (00:41:51):
Because you heard messages from everybody, like, who's been sober, who's gotten sober.
Tey Moore (00:41:57):
And I can't remember me forever.
Tey Moore (00:41:59):
Like, I don't know what old-timer.
Tey Moore (00:42:01):
He was just like,
Tey Moore (00:42:03):
when you stop drinking,
Tey Moore (00:42:05):
you start getting things back that you never thought you'd gain back.
Tey Moore (00:42:10):
And it's so real.
Tey Moore (00:42:11):
So real.
Rachel Casey (00:42:13):
There's things I didn't know that I did want.
Rachel Casey (00:42:16):
Because...
Rachel Casey (00:42:19):
you know, that's, I didn't have a clear head and yeah, I mean,
Rachel Casey (00:42:24):
I would have, like, again, never thought this would be my life.
Rachel Casey (00:42:29):
And I mean, I love it.
Rachel Casey (00:42:30):
I love it so much.
Rachel Casey (00:42:31):
Like, there's so much, but I'm just so passionate.
Rachel Casey (00:42:35):
And, you know, Colin tells me, hey, we just do a podcast at a time.
Rachel Casey (00:42:39):
We carry the message.
Rachel Casey (00:42:42):
And we just, the rest will work itself out.
Rachel Casey (00:42:46):
And, you know, it'll open new doors.
Rachel Casey (00:42:49):
The fact I got the job on the other podcast, I mean, that was...
Rachel Casey (00:42:54):
they had hundreds.
Rachel Casey (00:42:56):
No, I don't have it anymore.
Rachel Casey (00:42:57):
That's why I started the podcast.
Colin Casey (00:42:59):
I interned there, but it's what led to, but I was so sad.
Rachel Casey (00:43:02):
Like, I mean, I was crying.
Rachel Casey (00:43:03):
I didn't, you know, I'd never wanted a drink or anything, but I mean, I was sad and,
Rachel Casey (00:43:09):
I let, I was like, okay, you know what?
Rachel Casey (00:43:11):
It's okay to feel hurt.
Rachel Casey (00:43:12):
Like life doesn't always make you happy.
Rachel Casey (00:43:15):
Like I'm going to remember this.
Rachel Casey (00:43:16):
And when the sponsee comes to me with the same feeling, I'm going to be like, it's okay.
Rachel Casey (00:43:22):
Like I felt sad too.
Rachel Casey (00:43:24):
And we accept it, you know, or we try until you do it.
Rachel Casey (00:43:30):
And then you try again the next day.
Colin Casey (00:43:32):
And, um, Were you still working in the service industry?
Tey Moore (00:43:38):
no i stopped okay because that would have been that would have been like yeah it's
Rachel Casey (00:43:46):
i said i wouldn't go back and i mean again i left my hands were so shaky and it was
Rachel Casey (00:43:54):
right when i got pregnant i left and i'm it was i was no i said i i just like
Rachel Casey (00:43:59):
didn't it's also just not the lifestyle i wanted to be around anymore
Tey Moore (00:44:02):
Right, exactly.
Rachel Casey (00:44:03):
I didn't think I'd be triggered or anything.
Rachel Casey (00:44:05):
Like, I did go work a couple shifts after sobriety, and it was fine.
Rachel Casey (00:44:11):
Like, I never had anything happen, and I never desired a drink.
Rachel Casey (00:44:16):
Like, if anything, it's, like, cringe.
Rachel Casey (00:44:20):
Because I'm like, that's what I used to be like.
Rachel Casey (00:44:22):
Right.
Tey Moore (00:44:23):
When you look back at me, you're like, was that me?
Tey Moore (00:44:26):
Yeah.
Tey Moore (00:44:27):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:44:28):
No, I'm like, no, that wasn't me.
Rachel Casey (00:44:30):
I was way worse.
Colin Casey (00:44:31):
I know.
Colin Casey (00:44:31):
I haven't had that desire either because I've gone to a few because no one I work
Colin Casey (00:44:37):
with knows that I'm sober or have been for three plus years now.
Colin Casey (00:44:43):
And when we have had functions at happy hours at like a local restaurant or bar,
Colin Casey (00:44:49):
I'll either just get like a Topo Chico or an NA beer.
Colin Casey (00:44:53):
But I always make sure that I'm doing it incognito.
Colin Casey (00:44:59):
you know,
Colin Casey (00:44:59):
eventually I'll probably just say what I'm doing,
Colin Casey (00:45:02):
but I know in the beginning,
Colin Casey (00:45:03):
I,
Colin Casey (00:45:03):
I just didn't want to have the awkward conversation around it.
Rachel Casey (00:45:09):
Hey, if I always say like, so I'm on the, I do not do NAs.
Rachel Casey (00:45:15):
I don't like not now.
Rachel Casey (00:45:17):
I've never had a non-alcoholic wine or beer.
Rachel Casey (00:45:20):
Like, I'm like, why would I pay?
(00:45:22):
Mm-hmm.
Rachel Casey (00:45:23):
for I want juice or water or soda like there are so many better things lemonade
Rachel Casey (00:45:30):
like for me again so but we're different and I mean I don't have any problem with
Rachel Casey (00:45:39):
him but
Rachel Casey (00:45:42):
I always do reserve say I'm not against NA, but every time it comes, the option is my way.
Rachel Casey (00:45:49):
I've haven't had an urge to take it.
Rachel Casey (00:45:52):
And I've told him like,
Rachel Casey (00:45:54):
you might end up going to a work happy hour and you might get the urge to share,
Rachel Casey (00:45:58):
but that's not today.
Rachel Casey (00:46:00):
You know, like I feel like listening to my, my gut, but I don't know.
Rachel Casey (00:46:08):
It better not have alcohol.
Rachel Casey (00:46:09):
I already smell my non-alcoholic drinks that aren't pretending to be non-alcoholic.
Rachel Casey (00:46:14):
Like I will smell.
Rachel Casey (00:46:15):
I don't trust anyone at restaurants.
Rachel Casey (00:46:17):
That's why I have my Stanley.
Rachel Casey (00:46:20):
I've seen mixed up drinks happen before and I don't want that to be me.
Colin Casey (00:46:23):
You know, and that was another thing I never thought.
Colin Casey (00:46:28):
would be true but like you said it helps you you know i feel my feelings now and i
Colin Casey (00:46:34):
never thought that would be a benefit um because i used and i was trying to not
Colin Casey (00:46:41):
feel my feelings and we realize how important it is and we even tell our son too
Colin Casey (00:46:47):
when he's it's like i understand you're upset i understand you know you're
Colin Casey (00:46:52):
disappointed and we say it's okay to feel these feelings
Tey Moore (00:46:57):
and to be upset yourself you realize yeah you're the root of all the problems
Tey Moore (00:47:03):
because this place don't something else like that was the problem now it was you
Tey Moore (00:47:11):
you're drinking you're the problem so it's been great to finally reach out great
Rachel Casey (00:47:17):
yeah we're still learning so this is you know we're hopefully
Rachel Casey (00:47:22):
I don't know what we have in store.
Tey Moore (00:47:24):
We're just, um, you're going to make it to the hundred episodes.
Colin Casey (00:47:28):
Yeah.
Colin Casey (00:47:29):
One day at a time.
Colin Casey (00:47:30):
One podcast.
Rachel Casey (00:47:31):
You know what?
Rachel Casey (00:47:32):
If that's what is planned, that's what's planned.
Rachel Casey (00:47:35):
I'm not, um, I had a realization today.
Rachel Casey (00:47:38):
Like I try to be very hard on myself and like, that's my ego.
Rachel Casey (00:47:43):
And I really do need to check that.
Rachel Casey (00:47:45):
Like it's okay to,
Rachel Casey (00:47:47):
to not be an incredible podcaster right now it's not like this podcast is so dope
Tey Moore (00:47:55):
when i when i don't listen to this
Rachel Casey (00:48:01):
we just like having the lighter side like we found a lot of i like speaker meetings
Rachel Casey (00:48:06):
there's nothing wrong with it and um i like hearing other people's stories but
Rachel Casey (00:48:10):
sometimes i'm like yeah that we used to do was dumb wasn't it like that was dumb
Tey Moore (00:48:16):
when you think about the old things you used to do you'd be like that's what i used
Tey Moore (00:48:22):
to do like
Colin Casey (00:48:24):
Get out of here.
Colin Casey (00:48:25):
What's worse is when I wake up and I'll see Facebook, the like memories.
Colin Casey (00:48:29):
And I'm like looking back at like my statuses from like five years ago, 10 years ago.
Colin Casey (00:48:36):
I'm like, oh, it'd be like, we're going on meal tonight.
Colin Casey (00:48:40):
Hit me up if you want a drink.
Colin Casey (00:48:42):
why did anybody let me post that yeah and i was just like uh but it's also a good
Colin Casey (00:48:47):
reminder to just like look back it's cringeworthy for me it's so cringe but it is
Colin Casey (00:48:54):
it's giving cringe as they say uh but it's good to like just look at and see where
Colin Casey (00:49:00):
i'm at now just as a human being and you know because i seen one the other day i
Tey Moore (00:49:07):
was like
Tey Moore (00:49:10):
Yeah, exactly.
Tey Moore (00:49:13):
That used to be my thought.
Rachel Casey (00:49:14):
Well, we would get mad if it wasn't.
Rachel Casey (00:49:16):
And I had a hairbrush that was a flask.
Rachel Casey (00:49:19):
So I would have like, oh, I gotta go brush my hair.
Rachel Casey (00:49:21):
And it was full of Jameson.
Rachel Casey (00:49:23):
And I had two at my sister's wedding, which I made amends for.
Rachel Casey (00:49:27):
I made amends for.
Colin Casey (00:49:27):
Those are supposed to be a gag gift.
Colin Casey (00:49:29):
And you took them to... I mean, it was...
Rachel Casey (00:49:33):
It was bad.
Rachel Casey (00:49:33):
And like, I'm not proud of that, but that's how it was.
Tey Moore (00:49:37):
I went to my first open bar wedding, sober.
Tey Moore (00:49:40):
I felt so good.
Rachel Casey (00:49:42):
Oh yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:49:42):
Us too.
Rachel Casey (00:49:42):
We've loved sober weddings.
Rachel Casey (00:49:44):
Like, well, other people aren't sober, but we're like, it's cool.
Rachel Casey (00:49:48):
I like people watching.
Colin Casey (00:49:49):
Although it was probably a good thing.
Colin Casey (00:49:51):
Cause,
Colin Casey (00:49:52):
um,
Colin Casey (00:49:53):
our first wedding we were supposed to go to sober,
Colin Casey (00:49:56):
we would have only been a couple months sober,
Colin Casey (00:49:58):
but we got COVID.
Colin Casey (00:49:59):
So we, yeah.
Colin Casey (00:50:00):
So we had to cancel and it was a good friend of ours, but that one might've been tough.
Colin Casey (00:50:05):
Cause that's a pretty drinking crowd.
Rachel Casey (00:50:07):
And I was told the same thing is that, so you go to the wedding and guess what?
Rachel Casey (00:50:12):
If you have a problem, you call me and guess what?
Rachel Casey (00:50:14):
You get your keys and you leave, you call your, and I'm like, well, what if I can't drive?
Rachel Casey (00:50:18):
I'm like, oh yeah, I'm sober.
Rachel Casey (00:50:20):
Like I'm so used to not being able to drive.
Tey Moore (00:50:22):
Yeah.
Tey Moore (00:50:24):
My best friend, he was there too.
Tey Moore (00:50:26):
He's like, I'm about to go to the liquor store and get some tequila.
Tey Moore (00:50:30):
I was like, it's open wide.
Tey Moore (00:50:32):
Why are you going there?
Tey Moore (00:50:33):
He's like, this is what we used to do.
Tey Moore (00:50:35):
Remember?
Colin Casey (00:50:37):
yeah yeah i remember going to um and this was when i was a year and a half sober i
Colin Casey (00:50:44):
went to a buddy's bachelor party and you know it was kind of nice to be the
Colin Casey (00:50:50):
designated driver for all these guys and being of service and i had no problem you
Colin Casey (00:50:56):
know going down to the the bars with everyone and kind of hanging out and being the
Colin Casey (00:51:02):
chaperone and it was also a thing it's like
Colin Casey (00:51:06):
I realized my friends,
Colin Casey (00:51:08):
you know,
Colin Casey (00:51:09):
my group that I drank with,
Colin Casey (00:51:10):
I was the one that was really fueling the fire all the time.
Colin Casey (00:51:14):
And then now that I'm sober and I'm around those same friends,
Colin Casey (00:51:17):
I'm kind of like,
Colin Casey (00:51:19):
you guys are kind of lame.
Colin Casey (00:51:20):
You're not drinking.
Colin Casey (00:51:22):
i'm like you're only having like two or three drinks it was me that was forcing
Rachel Casey (00:51:27):
everyone to really take it to the next level yep yep so and you learn those are the
Rachel Casey (00:51:33):
things you learn and i also was told if you are really like you have an event a
Rachel Casey (00:51:40):
wedding baby shower etc etc um
Rachel Casey (00:51:44):
find how you can be of service like think of a time like how you got home safe when
Rachel Casey (00:51:50):
you were drunk at a baby shower like could you be that someone for someone else and
Rachel Casey (00:51:55):
you don't do it with like expecting anything in return you just do it because
Rachel Casey (00:51:58):
someone once did it for you and you know that you can get them home safe and like
Rachel Casey (00:52:03):
that's being of service and like service is one of our pillars
Tey Moore (00:52:10):
Right, exactly.
Rachel Casey (00:52:10):
We give back because we were given, we're very lucky to get sobriety.
Rachel Casey (00:52:14):
So the only way you get to keep it is to continue doing the favors that were done
Rachel Casey (00:52:19):
for you without even you knowing.
Colin Casey (00:52:22):
Well,
Colin Casey (00:52:22):
is there anything else you want the listeners or anyone else to know about your
Colin Casey (00:52:27):
book or your sub stack where they can find you?
Rachel Casey (00:52:29):
I have all the links for it that you sent me that I'm going to put in the show notes.
Tey Moore (00:52:34):
We got my sub stack, my book.
Tey Moore (00:52:37):
I feel like I'm spreading the message to other people and showing other people that
Tey Moore (00:52:42):
it can be done.
Tey Moore (00:52:42):
It's not like a magic trick or anything.
Tey Moore (00:52:47):
No,
Rachel Casey (00:52:48):
it's just pretty much conversations like this and you learn what you learn along
Rachel Casey (00:52:54):
the way and you just keep trusting.
Rachel Casey (00:52:57):
I can tell you how I felt.
Tey Moore (00:52:59):
Because you got to put yourself in that same spot.
Tey Moore (00:53:02):
When you're drinking, do you want to hear that?
Tey Moore (00:53:04):
I don't know.
Tey Moore (00:53:05):
If somebody would have told you to go to AA, you'd be like, fuck you.
Colin Casey (00:53:09):
And that would be exactly what I thought.
Rachel Casey (00:53:11):
That's exactly what I said after my mom.
Rachel Casey (00:53:13):
I'm like, of course you would say AA.
Rachel Casey (00:53:15):
I'm like, God damn it.
Rachel Casey (00:53:17):
I'm like, you were supposed to, I thought she was going to take me to the loony bin.
Rachel Casey (00:53:20):
Because again, it wasn't my drinking.
Rachel Casey (00:53:23):
It was, I was suffering from mental illness.
Colin Casey (00:53:27):
Or your husband was being a dick.
Rachel Casey (00:53:30):
It was all your fault.
Rachel Casey (00:53:30):
Yeah.
Rachel Casey (00:53:32):
No, I'm kidding.
Rachel Casey (00:53:32):
Thank God.
Rachel Casey (00:53:33):
I mean, I'm glad getting sober is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Colin Casey (00:53:38):
So to us.
Colin Casey (00:53:39):
Yeah, for sure.
Rachel Casey (00:53:40):
No, to me.
Rachel Casey (00:53:41):
I mean, good for you, but yeah, I'm kidding.
Rachel Casey (00:53:44):
No, I'm kidding.
Rachel Casey (00:53:44):
I'm kidding.
Rachel Casey (00:53:45):
No, it is definitely.
Rachel Casey (00:53:46):
And it's nice having a sober household.
Rachel Casey (00:53:48):
Like,
Colin Casey (00:53:50):
i'm excited yeah to see ovens yeah growing up and upbringing and being able able to
Colin Casey (00:53:56):
recall you know his milestones and be able to look back and remember them clearly
Rachel Casey (00:54:02):
all right well i will put everything in the show notes um go cowboys yeah go
Colin Casey (00:54:09):
cowboys
Colin Casey (00:54:13):
No, thank you so much.
Colin Casey (00:54:15):
This was fun talking to you and getting to meet you finally.
Rachel Casey (00:54:17):
And I hope that if, if anything was relatable, please reach out.
Rachel Casey (00:54:21):
I will put all the newsletter contact information below.
Rachel Casey (00:54:24):
So, all right, well, have a good rest of your evening.