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The Man On FIRE Podcast is your #1 trusted resource for learning to grow and become the Man and King you were born to be. You’ll hear directly from David Mehler as he provides tools, tips, and strategies for your business, relationship, body, heart, and mindset. This is a must-listen for the man that is ready to rise into his passion, power, and purpose, and live into his full potential!
Learn more at www.manonfirerising.com.
Why Men need Mentors & Leaders in their Life
[00:00:00] All right. What is up everyone? It has been a while. It is your Man on Fire mentor David Mehler, coming to each and every one of you live, and today, yes. Today we are gonna dive into the center of the fire and we're going to cover a topic of why is it that men need mentors and leaders in their life. And I'm gonna give it to you straight.
[00:00:24] I'm gonna give it to you, reel. Having over probably 10,000 conversations in my life, working with people in the transformational space, the healing space, training my coaches to have these conversations. We always ask a guy, would you prefer that we sugarcoat it or do you want it straight? And you guessed it, 99.9% of the time, the man will say, give it to me straight.
[00:00:48] Give it to me between the eyes, don't sugarcoat it. And this is what we are missing as men, for other men to be real with us. To stop placating. To stop [00:01:00] softening. To stop sugarcoating. And this is, you know, about 15 to 20 years ago. I ended up going through a divorce and I can tell you nobody gave it to me straight.
[00:01:09] Nobody called me forward. Nobody called me out. Nobody called me on my bss. Nobody was asking me or getting me to look at the uncomfortable stuff of where could I take ownership? Where could I take responsibility? Friends don't do that. Family won't do that. They don't wanna lose your love. And you will need someone in your life that will have your back in terms of standing in the fullness, standing in the congruence of who you truly are.
[00:01:36] And it's hard to have that if we're out to be liked as opposed to somebody just giving it to us straight. So we can get the truth serum that our soul is requiring. So why am I sharing all this? Well, I'm sharing all this because most of us, if we're really being honest, and this at least was me up until my early to mid forties.
[00:01:56] If we're really being honest, we're stuck on this [00:02:00] carousel ride where we go up a little bit in life and it looks like, oh my God, this is great. My life's going great. And then boom, we come back down to the even playing field and then we come up again. This amazing, oh my God, I'm growing, and we come down again.
[00:02:13] And it's a sexy allure where we think things are changing, but at the end of the day, it's nothing more than the carousel. It's nothing more than the hamster on the wheel because we're not really going anywhere, and this is where most of us are. We vacillate in and out of these different stages of being, stages of consciousness, stages of healing is taught to me by one of my mentors, Donnie, where you go through the stage 1, 2, 3, dance.
[00:02:40] When there are 12 different tiers, 12 different levels, 12 different stages of consciousness available to each and every human being on this planet. I mean, we're all here to grow. We're all here to get to a place where we feel this sense of omnipresence, oneness, community, where we're fully connected to source, fully connected to our gifts, and we've assumed [00:03:00] and taken on the sacred responsibilities of who we came here to be as a man.
[00:03:04] Everyone wants that to live in those higher tiers of consciousness, but so few get there. So where do most of us live? Well, we live in the first three tiers of consciousness, tier number one being suffering, where your life is always about you feeling helpless and hopeless and despair. And I don't feel good enough.
[00:03:23] I don't feel worthy enough. I feel isolated. I feel alone. Maybe I shouldn't even be here. And, and I say this with great empathy and, and immense compassion because I've worked with literally thousands of men who come from this space. Where they really don't know how to get out of this deep, dark despair.
[00:03:40] They don't know that there's another way they can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's a very scary place to live. And I understand that. And then there are men that they don't live there, or maybe they finally are, are done being depressed. Uh, and done feeling this way. And so where do they go next?
[00:03:59] They [00:04:00] end up going into the next tier of consciousness, and that tier of consciousness is called polarity. That was taught to me again by one of my teachers, my mentors for over 20 plus years. Donnie, where polarity is, where you are constantly naming, you're blaming, you're shaming, you're judging, you're projecting, you're always pointing at things outside of yourself.
[00:04:24] As to why your life is the way it is. There's no assumption of responsibility. There's no ownership being taken. No. You think your life is the way it is because it's everybody else's fault. It's the lawyer's fault. It's my ex's fault. It's my current wife's fault. It's the government's fault. It's crypto's fault.
[00:04:42] It's the market's fault. It's the real estate market's fault. It's always something outside of you where you can point your fingers. And we become addicted to this polarity. We become addicted to the triggers that we have where we're overreactive and we're passive aggressive. And we're aggressive.
[00:04:56] Aggressive. And also when you're in that tier of [00:05:00] consciousness, You are always looking for the magical pill, potion, lotion, genie, savior, come and fix me. Come and save me. Come and make all my problems. Go away. So you're completely giving away your power or you're blaming, blaming, blaming, blaming, naming, shaming, blaming, judging, projecting, or you're looking for that magical pill that you get to swallow and boom, you snap your fingers and your life is magically better.
[00:05:22] And the reality is no, it won't be. Because anyone or anything that you've ever turned into your hero eventually becomes your zero. You'll knock 'em down because you'll see it didn't work. And why it didn't work is because you never got to a place of being in your personal power. You gave your power away, and you're still looking to things outside of yourself.
[00:05:39] Now, most of humanity lives here. Is that a knock on anybody? No. Is that a judgment of anybody? No. It's a reality. It's a reality that most of the culture lives here. This is what causes war. Somebody has to be right, somebody has to be wrong. As long as we get to point our finger, we don't have to take a higher level of ownership and responsibility.
[00:05:57] Most of us live there. So what comes [00:06:00] after that? Well, what comes after that is the third tier of consciousness. The third stage of healing. And what is that called? It's called stuck. And you finally realize, oh my God, I'm stuck Like Bill Murray and Groundhog Day. You realize that you are the common denominator.
[00:06:14] You realize that everything that keeps happening in your life is a pattern that you've repeated over and over and over again. My God, it can't possibly be that if I've gone from rich to poor five times, that it's anybody else's fault. It can't possibly be that it's my fourth wife's fault. No. I have to realize as a man, oh my God, I'm the common denominator.
[00:06:35] It must be me. It must be me. This is why my life is the way it is, and this is the first time ever that you start to realize that it's not something outside of you. There's not gonna be a magical fix going into a state of depression or anxiety is not gonna help you in that moment. No. What's going to help you in that moment is you have to be willing to get frustrated.
[00:06:55] You have to be so pissed off and so frustrated that you have enough emotional intensity [00:07:00] to finally. Get you into the next tier of consciousness, which is the baseline of where you wanna live, which is where you say, enough. Enough. Enough of what? Enough of this, enough of playing, small enough of giving my power away, enough of not standing and stepping into the man that I was born to be.
[00:07:18] Enough of not owning my passion, my power, and living into the fullness of my purpose, fulfilling my mission as a man, enough of selling others. Short enough of hiding my love. Enough of not being intimate and more loving with my children and my wife, enough of living in my head, enough of being a pleaser or a yes man, or turning my wife into my mom constantly seeking her approval.
[00:07:42] Enough, enough of letting the pirates in my mind, run my ship and take me to an island called Skull Island, where I wake up divorced with a stroke, a heart attack. How the hell did I get here? Well, you let the pirates take over your mind. Enough of letting the pirates run my mind. [00:08:00] It's time to have mastery over my mind.
[00:08:01] It's time to take back the ship of my life, take back the ship, take back the helm of my own mind, and take the ship to Pleasure Island. I love my life. I'm fulfilled. I'm free. I'm in my power. I'm on purpose. I'm serving my mission. I. Every man wants that. Every man wants to get to a place where he realizes if he were to take his last breath, it's one of freedom.
[00:08:25] It's one of fulfillment. It's one of triumph. It's one of victory. It's not one of regret. He wants to know. He left it all on the field. I gave. I love that, sir. But every ounce of my being, what man doesn't want that. Well, All of us want that, but how many of us are willing to do the work to get there? How many of us are willing to open our eyes enough to actually recognize, well, where is our energy going?
[00:08:48] Who are we hanging out with? What are we doing? And most of us, if we're really honest with ourselves, most of us, we'll realize that you're not gonna get [00:09:00] this from a book. You're not gonna get this from listening to an audio file. You're not gonna get this from watching this video. You're not gonna get it from watching YouTube, listening to iTunes, watching Instagram, TikTok, Facebook.
[00:09:15] It's not happening. That keeps you in the stands. You gotta get down on the field. You gotta get into the battlefield. You gotta be vulnerable. You gotta be visible. You gotta be willing to do the work. You gotta be willing to reach your handout and ask for support. Get a coach, get a mentor. Get someone that's a leader that's already living it, not speaking it.
[00:09:35] If anyone can speak it, anyone can parrot back information. How do I know this? That was me. From all the seminars I went to, I was able to parrot the information. But at the end of the day, if you're not, if your life is not reflecting it, then you truly don't know what you're saying. You don't know it until your life shows it.
[00:09:52] So we as men have to be mindful, just like in the movie Goodwill Hunting, where will finally cut himself off [00:10:00] from his friends. He loves his friends. There's no judgment towards his friends, but for him to live into the fullness of who he is, he had to cut the cord. He had to get out of that environment, quit his job, get away from his friends.
[00:10:11] That meant well, but he came down to their level rather than rising into the fullness of who he is, who he is, willing to do that for their own life. Who is your peer group? How many of you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable enough and ask for help? How many of you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable enough?
[00:10:31] Courageous enough to actually ask for help. But some of you might see that as a sign of weakness. The reality is it's a sign of intelligence. We all need to be supported. We all need to be challenged. This is how men rise. Men rise with challenge. Iron sharpens iron. When was the last time you were challenged?
[00:10:48] When was the last time you were willing to get uncomfortable? As many of the great teachers out there like to say, your growth begins at the end of your comfort zone. Yes, that's true. Are you willing to get [00:11:00] uncomfortable? Are you willing to get dirty, do the work, sweat, blood tears, leave it all on the battlefield?
[00:11:06] Be that warrior, be that gladiator, be that king. Are you ready for that? Do you have the hunger for that? Do you have the drive for that? Now, most of you don't. Most of you are still in that tier one of consciousness feeling it's helpless and it's hopeless. Again, this is not a knock on you. But you gotta find a way outta that.
[00:11:24] Most of you are in that second tier of consciousness, that second stage of healing polarity. Still looking for the magical fix. Yeah. This video, I'll just watch this every day. No, nothing will change. I'm gonna read that book. Nothing will change. Action will get you to change. Support will get you to change.
[00:11:39] Challenge will get you to change. Being held accountable will get you to change. Are you ready for that? Then a lot of, you'll still be in that stage three, tier three consciousness stuck every time I wanna make changes, every time I start that new diet, every time I start the new exercise routine, every time I get a new job, boom, I fall back down [00:12:00] to the lobby again.
[00:12:02] I, I just can't do it. I just keep, I keep repeating the same pattern over and over and over again. What ends up happening, you have all this emotional energy that's building a frustration, but then you leak it out. The culture doesn't support you in getting upset, getting mad. Why? Because most men don't know how to be with those emotions in a constructive way.
[00:12:20] That is a portal to opening up their heart. They don't know how to be with those emotions in a way that they could use that as leverage to make change in their life. No, they act it out. They get triggered, they get polarized, and they snap at people. Maybe you hurt yourself. Maybe you hurt somebody else.
[00:12:32] That's never okay. In the Man on Fire world. We'll never support any form of violence, not towards yourself, not towards something, and certainly not towards someone. We're here to guard and protect and be the gatekeeper, especially to the heart of the feminine, who desperately needs that level of safety from a mature, masculine leader, someone that's living in their heart, that's gotten out of their head.
[00:12:54] This is what we're doing at Man On Fire. We're teaching men how to get outta their head, how to get [00:13:00] into their heart, how to feel your emotions, how to use 'em as leverage. But most of you had to push those emotions down. If you acted out as a little boy, dad would've been pissed off. Mom would've been pissed off.
[00:13:09] You would've gotten in trouble. You would've gotten detention. You didn't know how to act it out properly. You punch a wall, you get in a fist fight. Next thing you know, you push down this emotion called frustration and anger, and now you have no leverage to make change in your life. So you go on and on on that carousel, the merry-go-round, up, down, up, down, up, down, nowhere to go.
[00:13:27] So you never get to that place of enough, enough. Enough of playing small enough of giving my power away, enough of not standing into the fullness of who I was born to be. Enough of lowering the standard, enough of not living into my potential, enough of playing small enough of withholding love, enough of living from my head, enough of not giving myself to my family and making them sacred enough.
[00:13:58] So why [00:14:00] do we need a coach? Why do we need a mentor? Why do we need other men that are leaders in our lives? Because energy always wins who you hang out with. The sum total of who you're hanging out with is who you become. Look at the people you hang out with. Take a sum total of their income. That's who you become.
[00:14:19] Look at the people you hang out with and whatever they're doing, that's who you become. The question is, where are you hanging out? Where is your energy and your time going? Is it going to drugs? Is it going to alcohol? Is it going to pornography? Where's it going? Is it going to weeded video games? Are you hanging out with people that will push you, stretch you, challenge you, hold you to the fire, and hold you accountable to who you truly are?
[00:14:44] So I wanted to bring the fire to you guys today and help you understand why anyone would join. A company such as Man of Fire and come into one of our coaching programs or any other company for that matter, because thank God there's amazing ones out there. It's not all on our shoulders. We're [00:15:00] one company in the world that's here to make a difference and help men come back into and embrace the masculine leaders that they were born to be and the fastest path to do that.
[00:15:09] Where you can compress time is to get with other men that want the same thing, that wanna be held to the fire of who they truly are. Men don't want it. Sugarcoated. Men wanna be held accountable. Most of men are terrified to fail, and because they're terrified to fail, because they made it mean, then there must be a worthless piece of crap.
[00:15:32] They never find out what they're truly made of. If you're ready to find out what you're truly made of, And you're ready to stop this merry-go-round where you go back and forth between the first three tiers of consciousness from feeling like you're not good enough to angry at everything and everyone, and looking for magical pills, potions, lotions, and genies and videos, and all these things that are gonna save you.
[00:15:51] And you're tired of being stuck, and you're ready to feel that frustration and use it as leverage, and you're ready to declare enough and put that sword in the ground and you're ready to be [00:16:00] supported and challenged and held accountable by other men. That won't tolerate you shrinking, you hiding, you contracting, and you playing small.
[00:16:07] That man on fire is most likely the right community for you. We have different coaching programs that range from $2,000 all the way up into the six figures. If you can't afford that, then the question is simple. Number one, where is your money going? What are you investing in? What are you buying? What are your expenses that have nothing to do with your growth as a man?
[00:16:27] Now if you're really struggling with your finances, then great. Continue to follow us for free on the different social platforms. Soak up as much of the free knowledge as you can. If you need a need, uh, if you want a free gift from us, let us know. We'll send you a free gift. We'll do whatever we can to support you for where you're at.
[00:16:44] But until you're ready to value yourself, until you're ready to invest in yourself, until you're ready to actually spend money on your growth so that you can evolve and everyone in your life wins by you growing, then one of our coaching programs most likely is not right for you at this time. And that's perfectly okay.
[00:16:59] I [00:17:00] can only tell you that my growth happened the day I was willing to start spending money on myself. The day that I went all in on me and started investing in my growth Man on fire never would've come to be if that hadn't happened. All the way back in 2015, after my father's passing and I went all in on myself, I decided I am going out with freedom, fulfillment, victory, triumph, and success.
[00:17:22] I'm gonna honor my father's life. I'm not going out with regret. I'm not bowing out with my head down. Hell no. I'm going out knowing that I gave, I loved and I served with every ounce of my being. And I'll never forget back then I invested in a coaching program. I invested a hundred thousand dollars in that program of my own money, borrowed money, credit cards, and whatever I had in the bank.
[00:17:47] I didn't have it, but I created it because I knew that selling myself and my soul short of who I came here to be as a man is no longer okay. Life is way too short to be afraid that what if I [00:18:00] fail? I'm not living from that place. Hell no. No way. So I know what it's like to feel like you don't have money and you can't invest in yourself, and you see it as an expense.
[00:18:12] But here's the truth, gentlemen. It's the cost of your inaction that's costing you the most. It's the cost of you staying stuck. You staying triggered and polarized. You staying in the helplessness of life. That's the biggest cost. It's never about the money. It's about you valuing yourself enough and being courageous enough to know that you matter and your growth matters, and you deserve this because I see who you are, and I know you were born for leadership.
[00:18:41] I know you were born for an extraordinary and a phenomenal life. To touch so many lives, to live powerfully from your heart. That's who you are, and anything less is an illusion and a lie. Do yourself a favor. Go all in on yourself, whether it's with Man on Fire or another program. Dig [00:19:00] deep, hang out with people that are playing it at a higher game than you've been playing.
[00:19:04] Get vulnerable, get visible. Get real with yourself. Be willing to do the work. Be willing to be challenged, supported. Held accountable and held to the fire of your true potential. Gentlemen, I love you so much and I'll see you next week on the Live. All my love to you. Here's to you rising with passion, with power, and with purpose.
[00:19:24] It's your Man on Fire, mentor David Mehler.