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Your Second Act isn't just about starting over; it's about starting smarter. You’ve left the safety of a structured career to follow your passion, and while the opportunity is exciting, the uncertainty is real. You have the vision and the drive, but without a roadmap, that leap of faith can quickly feel like a freefall.
Welcome to Second Act Business Owner, the podcast dedicated to ensuring your new venture lands on solid ground.
Hosted by Lee Gray—an award-winning ActionCOACH, certified executive trainer, and serial entrepreneur—this show is for the courageous professionals who are trading corporate stability for entrepreneurial freedom. Lee understands that being an expert in your field doesn’t automatically make you an expert in running a business.
Each week, we strip away the fluff to provide the real-world MBA training you need to turn chaos into clarity. From navigating the emotional rollercoaster of ownership to mastering the mechanics of profit, Lee brings the structure and strategy required to build a legacy.
Hit follow and let’s get to work.
Ep23
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Why Change Feels Hard
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[00:00:00]
Lee Gray: Why is it so hard to change? Ugh. Well, I'll tell you why. There's actually a formula around change.
The Formula for Change
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Lee Gray: It's called the formula for change, and it's D times V plus F must be greater than R. Oh, did you get all that? You're joining episode 23 of the Second Act Business Owners podcast. We are so, so glad you're here, [00:01:00] and I bet you're gonna stick around so that you can figure out what the heck I'm talking about and how you too can learn why it's hard to change and what it takes to actually change Wanting change is not enough.
That's a fact. You need enough dissatisfaction, a clear enough vision, and a simple enough first step in order to overcome the resistance, and that's basically what the formula is.
Breaking Down D V F R
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Lee Gray: So it's D, your dissatisfaction. So in order for change to happen, there has to be some kind of dissatisfaction.
The other thing that has to be apparent is vision. If you don't have some kind of vision for how things could be, then dissatisfaction in itself isn't enough. The next is plus the first steps. What's the first step that has to be taken or a step that can be taken in order to start shifting that dissatisfaction and getting you closer to the vision?
And [00:02:00] then next to that, that cannot be bigger to the resistance, and the resistance is often - the hardest thing. It's like, "Well, I'm pretty comfortable where I am." And we might not even consciously know how comfortable we are where we are until we actually start to apply this formula, D times V plus F has to be greater than R.
Have you ever known you need to make a change but didn't? I have. I'm gonna give you an example of change that I had to make.
My Public Speaking Wakeup
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Lee Gray: So my whole life, my whole life, since I was a itty-bitty girl, I knew somehow, some way, I wanted to be in public speaking. I didn't even know what I didn't know about public speaking, but it did become part of my work.
I had the opportunity with a company at one time to give a presentation to my peers, and actually my boss was in the room, and their boss was in the room, the vice president was in the room, so I had a great opportunity to really show my stuff. [00:03:00] And in this position that I held at the time, what I did was I presented solutions, software solutions to boards and to groups of people and did facilitations and trainings and things like that.
And so it was pretty easy, and I, I kinda did it again and again, and it sorta had like a, a, a pattern going. It was speaking, but not necessarily outward public speaking. But because I did so good at this, they asked me if I would show my peers and their bosses and their bosses and the vice president and all these people what it is that I do that is so magical when I present a solution to a board.
So I get up in the front of the room, and I'm doing the presentation, and I have someone who's showing this software product. And, you know, I, I kinda start to look around. I'm like, "Wow, this, this room's kinda big." And , I'm looking at the software, kinda knowing what I need to say, but I, I froze.[00:04:00]
I froze. I literally froze. I maybe ... I got about two-thirds of the way through this presentation, and I, I just couldn't, I just couldn't recover. So I kinda walked off the stage and everyone kinda like, "Well, where is she going?" I think someone went to the stage and said, "Well, looks like we're gonna break for lunch early," or whatever.
But that was a, that was an awful experience for me, and can you imagine the dissatisfaction I had about my speaking skills after that happened to me? Hmm. Because I thought I had, you know, I was just a gifted speaker. I could just get up there without any practice, without any intention and just do it, 'cause I'd always done it before, but this was a different environment.
So after this event, after I, you know, pouted for a few weeks or whatever, I decided I, that I am dissatisfied about my public speaking skills. That is a no-brainer.
Finding Vision and First Steps
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Lee Gray: My vision was a little bit harder to get a grip on, so some [00:05:00] time went by and I began to think, "Wait a minute, I've got an important message to tell people.
I must, I simply must be a better speaker." I know that I'm going to teach people and work with people and help people achieve their goals, and if you're gonna do that, you have to be able to tell your story. You have to be able to publicly, you know, reflect those things upon other people. Well, what were my first steps?
I had no idea what my first steps were. This is many years ago, pre-internet and pre... not pre-internet, but pre... maybe pre-internet, come to think of it. But I decided to search for an organization that could help me speak. So that organization happened to be Toastmasters. I, I did a search and I found Toastmasters organization.
So the first step for me, I was dissatis- dissatisfied about my performance as a public speaker. My vision was to help people. I knew that I was bound and determined to help people. That was what I was put on this earth for. It's why I'm talking to you here today. That's why all of you second actors are, are listening to me right now.
We're in [00:06:00] the same boat.
Toastmasters Changed Everything
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Lee Gray: And so I took the first step, and I went to that first Toastmasters meeting. It was the worst experience ever. I was so intimidated. I didn't say a word. Ended up being a member of that organization for 10 years. Changed my life. So the first step was doing something, and then they got me into practicing and practicing, giving more presentations, having a flow, learning what to say, what to say, how to introduce people, how to bring people to the front of the stage, how to exit people off of the stage.
All of those things started and came after my first step, which only came after I was utterly dissatisfied and I finally had a clear vision, and those were the first steps. My resistance was, "Well, who really wants to hear me anyway?" And so I, I pushed through that resistance, and oftentimes it's resistance that keeps us from making that final change. I pushed through that resistance and continued- All of those years in Toastmasters changed my life.
Business Owner Dissatisfaction
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Lee Gray: A business example could [00:07:00] be that, you know, the owner is absolutely exhausted from working every single day. They haven't had a week off, a day off, a month off in - forever. Revenue maybe has stalled in the business or, , the team depends on you for every single decision.
The current business model just doesn't, doesn't give you what you want. That ... at some point, when you become dissatisfied enough with that, then you look for other things. Wh- what's my vision? What could it be? You may need to find an outside person to help you see what your vision is, 'cause sometimes that gets lost in all those years of treasury if you've been in business for a while.
And if you're brand new, it ... the vision can get, get lost quickly too, and, "Oh, I need to get my website set up and I need to get all these other things done." But hold on. Where's the vision? So get someone like an action coach or someone that you can talk to and trust to walk you through the D times V plus F must be greater than R formula for change.
We rarely change because something's mildly, you know, inconvenient. I- if your business is really starting to bleed, [00:08:00] you're gonna figure out, you're gonna get dissatisfied pretty quick. we have to be able to see the other side, and the other side is vision, follows right, right behind.
Vision and First Steps in Business
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Lee Gray: So the vision maybe for me was standing confidently in front of a room, seeing myself help business owners, selling my books, and growing my leadership, and making a real difference in the world.
That was my vision. For you, for us, as business owners, the vision is, can be taking,, that four-week vacation or having a capable leadership team, having a vision of a capable leadership team. If you're dissatisfied with the results now, what's your vision for it to be better? Having a healthy profit in the business, having time with family, and building a business that actually has value You have to make the future more attractive than the comfort of the presence.
Mm. Right? Make the future more attractive than the comfort of today, of the present. So the first steps for me was [00:09:00] to join Toastmasters, commit, pay the bill, and attend weekly. Then I started to take on roles. I learned to do my five-minute speech, then my 10-minute speech, and then they taught me all the other things that come as part of becoming a professional speaker.
For business owners, one of the first steps could be just documenting one process, or documenting the processes of a department, or delegating one responsibility to someone who's very capable in your business to do it. Calling three prospects, making a sales call, making three sales calls.
You know, having the vision to do that or the first steps for that. And, you know, price raising. Raising prices is a good first step to increase profitability for your business, and prices are going up everywhere, so probably yours should, too. And then schedule a meeting maybe to have a, , meeting with someone who's on the team who's causing a bottleneck.
Calling Out Resistance Excuses
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Lee Gray: Those are great first steps to take to overcome dissatisfaction once you have a clear vision [00:10:00] So in business, oftentimes our resistance is, "I'm already too busy." That's a resistance. That's really kind of an excuse. So th- think about it and, and look at it that way. Go back to the division, uh, dissatisfaction multiplied by vision.
, Maybe you think, "Well, I can't do that until I'm more confident. I can't have a conversation with my, my employees until I'm more confident." Mm, it's just resistance. Y- you're ready. You're ready to do that. Maybe you think, "Oh, I don't know enough about a topic," or, "I don't know enough about, uh, how to coach someone to, uh, be a better leader."
Yes, you do. You're already in this role. Do it. Those are the first steps. And the only thing that can happen if the first step doesn't work is you go and find another first step and do that, 'cause dissatisfaction and vision doesn't change. And my least favorite one of all is, "I'll wait till things settle down to do that."
I don't know about you... Well, I can guarantee you, things don't settle down because stuff fills that void, remember? Things fill the void. If we don't take the first steps, there's never a good time for things to settle down and [00:11:00] finally take the first steps. They just don't settle on their own. and in resistance, that resistance doesn't really mean you're on the wrong path either.
It just means sometimes you're standing at the edge of growth. You're there with dissatisfaction. You've got your vision. You've got your first steps in place. Now you just need to take that little tiny step over resistance.
Your Action Plan This Week
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Lee Gray: Here's what I want to suggest you do. Think about what you've been postponing.
What have you been postponing to do? What are you dissatisfied with in health, in life, in business, in relationships? What do I truly, truly want instead? That's the vision. And what's the first step I can take this week? Not when things settle down, because remember, things never settle down. Things will settle down when you're, when you get your, uh, formula for change in place and you start taking action on your dreams and your vision.
And then identify the, the resistance that you're allowing to stay that's... It's, it's staying in charge. If resistance is keeping us from our d- our formula for [00:12:00] change, our dissatisfaction multiplied by vision, plus knowing what our first steps are, if we're still letting resistance overcome us, that's what's in charge, is resistance, and that is not you.
A second actor is not letting resistance be in charge of their life.
Closing and Invitation
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Lee Gray: If you know you're ready to make a change, but maybe you don't know what your first steps are, or it's been so long since you had a chance to think about your vision, give us a call. We're Action Coach business coaching, and you're a second actor.
This is the Second Act podcast. We can do anything we want, and we can especially do it together.
What I feel like expressing is having the knowledge of this formula, which is so simple but difficult, now you've got that. So I am convinced that there are those of you watching and listening now who are going to have an impactful life just because knowing the formula for change.
That's what I feel like expressing. What do you feel like expressing?
[00:13:00]