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Manhood often feels like navigating through uncharted territory, but you don't have to walk alone. Join us as we guide a conversation about how to live intentionally so that we can join God in reclaiming the masculine restorative presence he designed us to live out. Laugh, cry, and wonder with us as we explore the ins and outs of manhood together.
The Secret Sauce of Experience - Story- Blessing
00:00
Hey, welcome back to the podcast. This is one of your hosts, Chris Bruno. And I'm here with my other co-host, Mr. Jesse French. I know it's great to be with you, Chris. Hey, you too, man. OK, listeners, I want you to listen really closely to the background of this podcast. You're such a jerk. Because in the background, just before we hit record, I said to Jesse, I was like, Jesse.
00:29
Are those are those chickens in the background that I hear the little little gobble gobble of the chicken or whatever you call it? And what do you what do you say? No, that's just like you can't really lie your way out of that. Well, I mean, it could have been chickens. It could have been children. I mean, I don't know. But I had to ask it was chickens. So listen closely. You might hear some chickens in the background because Mr. French lives out in.
00:57
more outside the city limits of Fort Collins, Northern Colorado, and Jesse, how many, do you have a count, how many living creatures Oh man. live on your homestead? On the premise. On the premise, yes. Let me just do some quick math. Two and two is four and two is six and nine is 15. Yeah, 15 non-human creatures.
01:25
15 non-human creatures. Can I get an 18? Can I get a 19? Like, maybe this afternoon, it could grow. Yeah, it could grow. Okay. Well, I'm sure there's like, you know, squirrels and chipmunks and birds and stuff like that. But 17 intended non-human creatures living. It's true. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's awesome. Do, do your chickens produce eggs?
01:54
They do. And actually that's one of the very exciting things. Right before we got on the call, uh, my wife and my kids in the kitchen were cooking some eggs and the like latest batch of chickens, we kind of have two groups just started producing eggs after a few months of raising and growing and waiting and me being impatient. And so they do produce eggs. And so I'm very pleased. Okay. Awesome. Uh, what color are the eggs? That's some of the fun. There is a
02:23
And my color palette is pretty limited, so bear with me. But there's a light blue, dare I say, like sky blue variety. There's a darker brown and there's even sort of a dimpled light tan. How's that for some dimpled light tan? OK, OK. So that actually. I forgot to. We also have a duck and the one duck. I got an 18. I got 18. You're right.
02:52
I can't even remember them all. So, OK. OK. Well, all right. The homestead is prolific, it sounds like, and it is also producing. So that's awesome. Beth and I several years ago when we lived in Seattle, we joined the Seattle, you know, granola Seattle culture, very earthy culture and got some backyard chickens, even though we were in a, you know, suburban house kind of thing. And so chickens are fun. It was just a stint.
03:19
Well, we only lived there for three years. So it was, I think we only had them for maybe a year and a half of the three. Okay. And then we gave them, when we moved, we gave them to some other folks who had more multiple chickens in the background. So, oh, well, just noted, you know, chicken support group probably could have some merit. And so that's a tangent we don't need to go into, but there is, yeah, they are prolific in producing and
03:49
They're odd, needy creatures. I'll just say that. They are. They are. And I don't want the whole episode to be about chickens. And at the same time, like chicken support group is a thing. You need it. When we had them, we only had three, but those three came after the first three died. And each one of our children, three children had a chick. And it was like one chick died of constipation. Oh, one. And oh my gosh, trying to get that thing.
04:19
I don't know. Anyway, I don't need to go into the details of what I tried to do to save the chicken. But there's that another little chick. The other chick stepped on its head and it drowned in the little bowl of water that we had put in there for it. So there was that. So anyone out there who has chickens, we would love to hear from you. You can call one 800 chicken support group and join us and we'll, we'll be there for you. We love to hear your chicken stories. Oh,
04:48
Well, you guys today, uh, moving off of chickens and at the same time, like, one of the things that we want to talk about today is how men connect and where we find ourselves in the connection. And, and I start there because I heard the chickens, I've had chickens, there's a similarity between me and Jesse. We both have chicken history and, and all that. And, and in a lot of ways you guys, that is
05:16
Kind of the entrance, the doorway that so many men have to developing connections with one another is like, Oh, you have kids. I have kids. Your kids play soccer. I have kids who play soccer. You like to fly fish, golf, hunt, whatever it is. I do too. That's how we're going to start in that connection space. So, you know, by large, right? Jesse, that yeah, it is. Yeah. It is the shared interest, right? If we have some sort of common denominator that
05:43
You know, we at the very minimum can at least talk about and maybe one step deeper, like actually do together. I'm not sure how chicken I haven't reached the co-chicken wrangling phase of a friendship yet. But like in other activities, you know, we go golf, we go fish, like you're saying. And that does become kind of the easy avenue to for relationship to happen. Yeah. Well, and even with our co-wrangling of chickens, by and large, it starts in a commonality of.
06:12
you know, maybe you like to smoke meat. And so we talk about smoking meat together or you like to smoke a pipe. And so we talk about smoking pipes and we don't do it together necessarily until like the common interest then leads into the common experience, right? Which is where, you know, we talk about our hunting stories and then at some point we may move into the place of hunting together. Yeah. Don't know that we'll ever be wrangling chickens together, but
06:41
Yeah. And the reality is that that's, that's great. That's all fine and wonderful. And we need our hunting buddies and our fishing buddies and our meat smoking buddies to have that sense of friendship and camaraderie. Yep. But I think it's interesting, maybe as you're listening to think through, right? We all have them, those, those friendships where, again, the basis is this shared experience, this shared hobby. And it's, it's interesting to think about those relationships.
07:11
and wonder and kind of unpeel the layers of, okay, what does that interaction when you're in that activity, what does that look like? Right? Are you talking about the, you know, your newest SandWedge or your cool tenant that you got, right? Like is the basis of connection again around that activity or does it actually lead someplace different? I feel like at Restoration Project, right? That sort of
07:34
fork in the road of where the conversation and where the friendship goes as you're in experience is a really, really important one. Yeah. Yeah, it is. And I think that's one of the key pieces of what we do at Restoration Project is creating the fork in the road, that it's not diminishing the experience at all. It's actually heightening the experience with some intentionality of how we want to enter into it. And that's that part. Like, yes, please have fun. Go.
08:01
play, go hunting, go fishing, do all the things. But while we're in the process of doing those things, you know, to take that fork in the road, to take that other path, less traveled, if you will, it is, it is entering into story and entering into story is not just like, you know, talking about the last time you went hunting in the story of that, though that would be amazing to hear. It's also like talking about what
08:27
aspect of this experience that I'm currently having brings up parts of my life, my previous life, that kind of touch on a little bit more of like my sense of self, my identity, my sense of who I am and how I become the man that I am today. So when you're hunting, like, what would it be like to talk not just about the hunt today or the hunt last year, but your first hunt?
08:55
when, you know, who was the person who took you on your first hunt? How did you learn how to cast your fly fishing, you know, rod and like get, how did you learn how to tie, tie the fly? How did you learn? Like, what are some of the, what are the stories from your past that inform how you are even doing it today? Right? How you're doing the motions of whatever it is. What was your first hike? How did you learn who taught you how to pack your bag? And that has still,
09:25
how you pack your bag today. Totally. Like all of those things are still true. It's so needed, right? Because in what you're talking about, it's shifting the focus from the whatever the activity is at hand to the person who is there, right? It's this awareness of like, hey, this is cool that we're golfing, that we're cooking meat together. But actually what's most important is not the brisket and the internal temperature. It's actually the person that I'm with, right? And I actually have more.
09:52
curiosity, more interest in who this person is, the words that you just said, how they are formed, how they have been formed by the participation in this, then the details of the activity that you're doing. Right. That, that feels like a, just a huge shift. And it's, it's so easy. And it doesn't, you're not like, it's not a deep dive into like, tell me your deepest, darkest secret. Right. It's just like, who took you fishing for the first time? How did you learn how to cast?
10:22
Tell me those stories and you get to know the boy behind the man who's standing with you there. You get how he became that man and all that. So and at the same time, like those stories are rarely told and rarely pursued. I'd love to ask for you, Chris, when other people have have asked those questions, have pursued those stories from you, even some of the examples that you gave. How is that received from you? What does that open up when those questions are offered?
10:51
Yeah, I, for me, Jesse, it is, it's shocking actually. It's just this sense of like, what? You're actually curious about something more than just like, how was your day yesterday? Like there's something more that you want to know about me. So it's shocking in not a bad way, in a good way. And also like, oh, like, okay, I'm going to answer your question. Of course, because you're curious about something with regard to me.
11:19
And then it's also a differentiator. It's like, oh, you're a guy that is not just going to be, I'm going to hang out with, this is a guy that's, I'm going to, I'm going to share more of my life with. And it makes me then want to ask the same question back. And now we're in a totally different realm, which is why you just said, like there's a fork in the road. When you take that fork, the further down that path you go, the more into actual relational engagement we get. Yep.
11:49
Yep. And it doesn't leave the activity behind. You're still learning the activity, but there's something about that personal pursuit that begins to develop. And so I love it. I love it when people ask me those kinds of questions. Yeah. So so shocked because it's so uncommon for people to pursue those kinds of things. It is. Yeah. Why do you think it's necessary to share some of the experience even first? Like why? Yeah.
12:15
Why is that an important element of some of this dynamic, some of this progression? I feel like by and large, most of us men were socialized to have shoulder to shoulder relationships. Okay. Okay. And versus face to face relationships. So shoulder to shoulder is like, let's go do something. And it's like the literal,
12:46
Can Jesse come out to play? Yeah, yeah. Right. Come do something with me and let's go ride bikes. Let's go, you know, play in the stream. Whatever the thing was, let's go play basketball. Like there's just, there's an activity that we're socialized that this is how boys engage is by doing things together. It does happen, but at times very, I would say very infrequently it's, hey, can you come out and talk? Yeah.
13:15
Yeah, boys. It's hey, do you want to come over and just hang out? Let's hang out in my room and talk about our friend movie or whatever. I mean, you know, it's rarely that invitation to come talk. It's usually as boys. That's those. And that's just like by nature, like who we are and whatever. I'm not saying it's good or bad. But as a result of that, then we take that into adulthood. And now we have shoulder to shoulder relationships like we have hunting buddies and fishing buddies, but we're not trained. We're not oriented to the.
13:44
how do we actually engage each other in some of that deeper conversation? And as a result, we don't go there often. So something that I love, and I'm gonna turn this back on you. So Jesse, when you think about that fork in the road, the experiences, that is not just a thing that we do, but we're gonna do it together and explore some of those stories, what would you say kind of begins to happen
14:14
What is the shift that you notice? Within myself or just in general? Yeah, within yourself. Yeah. I think it is a, I would agree with your sense of like, or your words of it's kind of disorienting, like, okay, this is not normal for someone to ask that. But I think after that is a sense of, hey, this person cares. And even just to ask that question of,
14:42
what was your first time camping like or how did you grow up with that? Right. There is this, I'd say there's like a softening for me of, Oh, that this person does see and care and they see more to me than just simply, you know, my proficiency at your stitching, cooking me of the skill, whatever it is, right. That they're actually interested in more than my ability, which that is this wonderful gift because I enter that space even now thinking
15:12
Okay, this is the proven ground. This is the place where I need to like show my proficiency around this. And so for someone to say, to ask a deeper question around story, sort of is now opening up the playing field that says, no, actually what I care most about is getting to know you more. That it is a, it's a wonderful thing. Yeah, I would put it, just summarizing what you said, I would put it like it's the transition from what you're doing to who you're with. You said that earlier. Yeah. Yes. That's right. So then,
15:41
if that's the case, then it becomes like as we grow and develop in our relationship and then growing together as brothers. Now, once I know more of your stories, now I can honor more of who you are versus just what you do. And as a result, I cannot just say, hey, you're a great fisherman. Now I can say, hey, you're a great man. That's right. That's right.
16:09
And isn't that what we crave most? Like I just said, yeah, we there's the surface level desire to be found adequate and to be found proficient. But that statement there that you just said of like, Hey, you're a great man. And to have those words backed and supported by their knowing of some of who I am, not just an empty platitude, but to actually have those words based in some evidence. Yeah.
16:37
That's like what we crave, I think, if we're honest. Yes. And just using the fisherman example, like there are some amazingly skilled fly fishermen who are not great men. Correct. Yep. There are some amazingly skilled football players or basketball players who are not great men. And so to have the skill doesn't make you great. To have the character is what makes you great. Mm hmm.
17:06
And it's the character of the man that I want to hang out with. And if he happens to be a great fly fisherman and I can learn from him and hang out with him and we can enjoy the river together. Absolutely. Bonus. But I don't want to have a day on the river with a not great man who's a great fisherman because that would suck. Yeah. No, thanks. Yeah. Thank you. But I like what you just said to that when you are in that space of you've got the experience.
17:36
that you're doing together, you've entered into the realm of story. Now there is a place where you have the opportunity to offer blessing. And again, not just to the, what is happening, but to the person that you're with backed by the experience of their story, knowing their story and all that. And, and that you guys is a structure that we pursue in everything that we do at Restoration Project is that flow experience.
18:05
Story Blessing. It starts with an experience, and then we're always choosing to take that fork in the path and go down that road of story in order to then lead to a place where I can actually honor who you are because I've gotten to know who you are as a result of the sharing of the story and offer you blessings. So Experience Story Blessing, in short, we call it ESB here at Restoration Project, and it is part of the DNA of who we are.
18:35
So Jesse, I have a question, one more question for you before we have to end. What happens when the experience story blessing pathway isn't accidental when it's intended, when it's crafted? What happens then? I think when that is crafted, architected, there is an amazing setting of the table for God to show up.
19:04
Yes. There is the intention, the work of saying, how do we go through experience? How do we engage story as a result of that? How do we offer blessing? How do we, I love that word crafted, use those things and build that in an incredibly intentional way. It is the setting of the table for God to show up in ways that are significant and unexpected. And we've seen over and over how that happens, how we use ESB and we do as best of job as we can.
19:33
to create that in some really meaningful ways for men, for men and their kids. But ultimately it's this open-handed like, Hey, let's wait and see. Let's see how the spirit shows up and actually gives his presence and his goodness to them in there. And so it is this wonderful sort of tension of we craft, we architect, and we do that open-handedly in anticipation, but not in knowing of how. Of what? Yeah. How and what, right? Yeah.
20:02
Oh man, I love how you just said that and how the intentionality of the architecture is in the anticipation of the banquet. And we set the table knowing that God is going to show up with the food. Yeah. That we know that's what he does. He shows up and he shows up to feed us in that relational space. If we don't set the table and he shows up with food, then we're like, what do we do? Ah, how do I like? Yeah.
20:32
what is happening here. But if the table is set in anticipation of God to show up, then so much more can happen. And that's what we do at Restoration Project is we're always looking to be intentional to set that table in experience story blessing ways. So you guys, there's two current opportunities that are for men only, not you and your kids, just for you to do some of this where we have architected
21:01
experiences that lead to story, that lead to blessing for you to be engaging with other guys in this way. And so, Jesse, tell us about those two real quick. And yeah, yeah, the first is called The Journey, which is a awesome five day experience in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. It's backpacking based. It's entry level for someone that's never backpacked. But the whole point is.
21:27
to weave experience in a way that allows men to engage their stories, to wander around the glory that God has placed within them, so that they might live from a fuller sense of their identity as a beloved son of God. And so that's in October, would love to have you guys join. And then the second one is a experience called the Sage Experience, and that's in January of 2025. You and a couple of our colleagues are leading men to Scotland for 10 days.
21:56
for a pilgrimage. Like this is, you're very intentional on the language of, this is not a tourist trip. This is actually a pilgrimage into the deeper parts of men's hearts and their souls, to the point of stepping into the second half of each man's life with godly intention to be a sage. And so both experiences cannot recommend them highly enough. We have spots available. You can find them on our website, rest slash experiences.
22:24
But we'd love to invite you. We'd love to have you join. Yeah. That's a little promo, but here's the thing, right? Like we would love to be catalysts of ESB experiences for men everywhere. Yep. So ESB experiences around the grill. Don't just stand around the grill and talk about, like you said, the internal temperature of the brisket, stand around the grill and still make the brisket, but enter into story.
22:53
Go fishing with your buddy and talk about and enter into story so that you can lead to blessing. Go and do a pickup game of basketball. Whatever the activity is, go and do it. But we would love to be like to inspire ESB experiences among men because here's what happened you guys is that isolated men who don't have those experiences find themselves in places that are dangerous for themselves or dangerous for somebody else.
23:23
Right? Connected men are ones that find themselves like resourced and more alive and have somebody like watching them, not from a like, I'm observing you to make sure that you're staying on target in your life, but I'm observing you to watch who you're becoming. And when we have those kinds of men in our lives, everything changes, everything changes. And we believe that really that kind of the one of the key formulas.
23:52
is the ESP experience, ESP process. So go and do and be. And Jesse, maybe, maybe, maybe just maybe somebody might call you up and say, hey, let's go wrangle the chickens together. Oh my gosh. Be brave soul. Brave soul. All right, we'll catch you next time guys. Thanks Chris.