Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Welcome to Flip the Script with Vic, your weekly pep talk to expand and shift your perspective. I’m your host, Victoria Nielsen. Together, we’ll unwind all the things you thought you knew, and awaken to what’s truly possible when you flip the script on your reality and take control of your own life.
Speaker A [00:00:00]:
Hello, loves. Welcome to another episode of Flip the script with Vic. I'm your host, Victoria Nielsen. The mom guilt is real this week, so I thought it was a perfect time to talk about that in an episode. But also, of course, give my perspective on mom guilt while you're on the spiritual path, while you're having a spiritual awakening, and how much more fucked, for lack of a better word, it can feel when you're on that journey. And before I dive in, I first and foremost want to tell any mom listening that you're fucking amazing, that no matter what is happening around you, you are showing up to the best of your ability for your children, and they can tell, and you are fantastic, and you're killing it. And it does not matter what that ugly monster in your head is telling you. It's not true.
Speaker A [00:01:02]:
It's absolutely not true. You are crushing it, mama. And if no one has told you that, then I'm here to tell you that you're pretty fucking rad. And as I mentioned, man, the spiritual journey as a mom is no joke, because we know that we should be doing better, right? I really feel like we're maybe not the first generation that's really awakened, but we're far more awake than our parents generation, and we know more with the infiltration of the Internet and just with gentle parenting and conscious parenting and all of these insert adjective types of parenting. We're told from the get go all of the things that were wrong about how we were raised, and, oh, we need to heal this and we need to do that, and yes, we do. But also, let's stop putting that pressure on ourselves because we're ultimately setting ourselves up to feel bad because we're aware of the way that we're fucking up our kids, and we're aware of all of the ways that we're human, and then we get caught up in our heads of like, well, we shouldn't be doing that. Well, we should be better. Well, we should be X, Y, and Z, and that's a losing game, right? Again, we're probably the first generation that is really awakened and aware of what our children need.
Speaker A [00:02:29]:
And so there's no roadmap for this. There's no ground that's been covered before that shows us the way to go. And there are probably way too many resources out there telling you how to do it. But I'm here to tell you that you know that you are the best resource for your family and how your children need to be loved and raised and parented, and anybody outside of that can fuck off. I don't know why I'm cussing so much this morning. Probably I just did this amazing dance meditation as part of my portal collective that's an on demand meditation library. And the new meditation for this month of September is like a dance meditation, and it's awesome. And I just feel very open and alive and awake and full of curse words, I guess.
Speaker A [00:03:22]:
So anyway, my point is just that you are the best person for your family and you're human and we have to let ourselves be human and we have to realize that we're reparenting ourselves as we're trying to parent tiny humans. That's so hard. So let's cut ourselves a little bit of a break because we know what we should be doing, right? Quote unquote. But it can be really hard in the moment when we're triggered, when we're tired, when we're going through another up level. For example, these last two weeks, I feel myself up leveling energetically. And when that happens, if I am not giving myself enough rest, if I am not really nourishing myself and maybe even if I am doing all of the quote unquote right things energy can spew out of me in the form of anger and in the form of frustration and in the form of just like because energy has to go somewhere, right? It has to move. And unfortunately, sometimes that comes out on my family because they're who I'm around the most and because my oldest son is like a big trigger. And learning for me, he is my biggest teacher because there are so many things that he does that are a mirror for the ways that I wish I was parented when I was younger.
Speaker A [00:04:45]:
And that's not a diss against my parents. I love them, they did the best they could with the tools that they had, just like you're doing the best that you can with the tools that you have. And he's showing me all the ways that I still need to love myself, that I still need to show myself that I am worthy of behaving in certain ways, right? So it's hard and I think people maybe think that, okay, if you're a spiritual person, then you've got it all figured out and you don't ever blow up at your family and yeah, right, that's not how it works. You are going through so much and the more that you up level, yes, it's going to benefit your children and your family but while it's happening, it's really chaotic and messy and it's not a straight line from here to there. And so giving yourself some grace in that process and knowing that it's okay. Because like I said these last two weeks, I can tell I'm up leveling, and I can tell that I'm more easily frustrated. And I can tell that I'm having outbursts with my oldest because I don't have the patience, because I am going through my own emotions and I want to be the tantruming, crying Toddler. And I have a lot of honest conversations with him of mommy being overwhelmed or overstimulated or feeling a certain way because I think it's really important that he learns to talk about his feelings.
Speaker A [00:06:15]:
So I try really hard after these moments to not go down that rabbit hole of like, oh, my God, I shouldn't have because it already happened, right? There's no changing the past. So now what do you do moving forward to make it better? And it's a conversation with my son about our feelings and the way Mommy reacted and how maybe that's not the best way to approach it. And we don't put him in time out. We have him take a reset when he's full of emotions and overwhelmed or whatever. And so now I've started saying that too, that mommy's going to go take a reset. And I think that's even better than being a perfect parent, quote unquote, because then I'm modeling the behavior for him. I'm showing him that I have these outbursts, too. I have these feelings, too.
Speaker A [00:06:59]:
It's not just you that doesn't understand what's happening or is overwhelmed or overstimulated in the moment. And I think that honesty is refreshing for our kids, that, again, they're not living up to the standard of not feeling and of being perfect. That's just what I think. Maybe you think differently, but I think it's all for the greater good, if even in the moment it feels awful. And I think I just wanted to share a bit of that today, to let any mom who is on the spiritual path know that it's hard because you have this awareness. But it's not something that I want you to be ashamed of or to go down the spiral of feeling bad about, because you, as we've talked about in previous episodes, are in control of your own emotions. And I think allowing yourself to feel them is healthy and is what's meant to happen. But then how you react afterwards is truly a sign of your growth and of your journey.
Speaker A [00:08:04]:
Like, how quickly and resiliently can you come back to that state of neutrality? Are you sulking and in a bad mood, like the whole day? Or is it something that, okay, you popped off for a hot minute, but now you're able to bring yourself back to neutrality and come back? Because I think that's the goal, right? It's not to be perfect. The goal is not to never feel or to never get upset. The goal is to bring yourself back into a state of neutrality and into alignment faster after these moments of upset, after these moments of ruffled feathers and what have you. A perfect example was just this morning, my youngest has a stuffy nose and he's kind of sick. And then my oldest was just kind of on one, and I had a straight up, like, mama bear RA moment. And then I sat there and I said, mommy's taking a reset. And I did some deep breathing, and I did a little bit of meditating and just calming myself and coming back to myself. And then I had a discussion with my son about it and said, mommy's, sorry for taking that out on you.
Speaker A [00:09:09]:
I'm not sorry that I was emoting and feeling this way, but I'm sorry that you got spewed with it. Mommy took a reset. She feels better. And again, it's about modeling that behavior to him, because if he thinks that Mommy's always perfect, then what is that showing him for his future wife, future girlfriends, whatever. I want it to be a normal conversation around our emotions and what we're feeling. And my kids were the impetus for my spiritual awakening. I've talked before about my miscarriage in 2018, and then after having Sebastian in 2019, I really started questioning everything and going down this path and journey of self discovery. And so I really also believe that our kids give us more instead of less.
Speaker A [00:09:58]:
And I do not subscribe to that age old tripe of, like, the more kids you have, the less you have for yourself, that they take everything from you, like little sucky buses in certain moments, yes, they can. But I believe actually that with each child, you have the opportunity to be reborn again and to go deeper and to uncover even more layers to yourself. And I have found that to be true with both of my children and during both of my pregnancies, that that energy is ripe for creation, for that kind of like phoenix rising from the ashes and you're a new version of yourself after growing another child and birthing that child into the world. And I want to give you permission to allow that to happen because you are not the same woman that pre pregnancy or even during your pregnancy. Right. We shift from moment to moment as women. And so giving you permission to change and shift right along with your kids is really important and allowing yourself to know that it's okay to know. For example, with Sebastian, I didn't know any better.
Speaker A [00:11:09]:
So I followed all of the sleep gurus about sleep training your kids, and you have to do this and that, and I looked outside of myself for all of the answers, and I wanted someone else to tell me how to do it. And when I really started this work and started listening to my intuition and realizing that I have all the answers that I've known all along, and I am the best parent for this little soul that chose me to come Earthside, then it all flipped. So Rocky, I'm a completely different parent with Rocky and with an older version of Sebastian than I was when Sebastian was born. And I can let that trip me out, and I can be like, oh, my God, I fucked up. But no, you just move from this new place. And so this new place is a more embodied and intuitive place where we didn't sleep, train Rocky at all. Like, we were like, he's going to learn to sleep through the night when he does, and he did. And we're way more patient and open and less exacting of these arbitrary rules that some expert on the Internet came up with, right? Like, we create our own reality.
Speaker A [00:12:15]:
And again, just because we abided by these rules before doesn't mean we can't change them. Just because you did it one way last year doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever. And actually, it shouldn't. It should evolve the more that you learn and grow and understand. And I really encourage any mom that's listening to this. One of the things that I've recently done that has shifted my world completely was looking up my children's human design. And so if you don't know what human design is, it is a mix of astrology and the Iqing and a couple of different modalities together to tell you your energy type, but also why you've incarnated. And it's really fucking deep.
Speaker A [00:12:56]:
I'm not an expert in human design by any means, but I really love it. And actually, a good friend of mine, Tara Morgan, does readings for families and for kids. And I had her read the boys and my chart recently, and it was so eye opening to see that they both need completely different things based on their energy and even based on my energy and the things that I need to be doing for myself to show up better for them. My God, it was so cool. It was so, so cool. And so now I have a new way of being in the world and realizing that, okay, my oldest son really needs that one on one time. And it's not just because he is a three and a half year old kid that wants mommy's attention. No, that's part of who he is and who he's designed to be.
Speaker A [00:13:42]:
And it really allowed me to be like, oh, okay, he's not just being a needy little kid. And my youngest is super open, and I kind of already knew this intuitively. But to see on the chart that he's wide the fuck open and that he's going to need to experiment, and that's how he learns. When he decides to change his manger 12 million times in college and not settle down, I'm going to be a little less mad about it because I realize that's how he was born and who he was born to be in this lifetime. So there are all kinds of really cool resources when it comes to parenting and spirituality. But I think just the bottom line of this episode is that you're doing amazing mama. And it is okay to shift, it is okay to change. It is okay and vital to follow your intuition as a mother, even if it makes sense to nobody else, even if someone else is saying that you need to do it differently, you know best.
Speaker A [00:14:49]:
And learning to flex that muscle is the most important thing, I think, that you can do as a mom. So with that, I will leave you here. The Portal Collective as I mentioned earlier, my on demand Kundalini and breath work. Membership and library is so amazing. You get new meditations every single month that are themed with the seasons and the energy of the collective. You have journal prompts, you have the most bombass playlists and it's a place for me to combine my magic and help you alchemize and step into the best version of yourself. You have the power to transform yourself every single day if you dedicate yourself to a daily practice. If you are loving the show, please like rate subscribe we've got new episodes every Tuesday.
Speaker A [00:15:41]:
Let me know if there are any topics you guys are particularly loving that you want me to go deeper on and I am happy to chat further. I love getting to spend this time with you every single Tuesday and I'll see you next week. Be good to one another. I love you.