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The purpose of the IT Leaders Council is to bring together IT Directors and Managers for leadership training, educational content from guest speakers, and peer discussions in a vendor-free, collaborative environment. IT Leaders Councils are currently offered in Indianapolis, IN and Columbus, OH, with more cities coming soon!
00;00;00;10 - 00;00;42;09
Ryan Brubaker
Laying awake at night worrying about something that's happening next. Worry about something tomorrow. Worry about a project that's going poorly as has ever been. You. There's two types of insomnia, onset insomnia, where you can't fall asleep. Maintenance, insomnia, where you wake up in the middle of the night and then you get back to sleep. I have made It's insomnia.
00;00;15;29 - 00;01;00;04
Ryan Brubaker
I fall asleep instantly. When I wake up. It's who I am. Can't get back to sleep. Thinking about the project tomorrow. Thinking about the thing that's behind my. Why I'm in trouble, Why I'm feeling why I'm not doing well. By the way, this is me. I'm chief operating officer at Seaspray. We're a data consulting company. I'm a keynote speaker, 25 year executive leader, spent 15 over 15 years in the CIO seat and then all the rest of that stuff.
00;00;42;18 - 00;01;26;02
Ryan Brubaker
But we're out here now with me mean, we're here to talk about this. We're here to talk about you. Is this you? So what's the agenda? First, I'm going to try to prove to you that there really is a problem and I'm going to offer three exercises that might help. The first one is called the worst case scenario.
00;01;00;14 - 00;01;47;09
Ryan Brubaker
The second one is called the Look Out. And the third one is called the Superman Solvent. All right, let's dive right in. The problem, who has ever seen these memes I love of expectations versus reality. What do you actually get? Expectations versus reality. How about this? When you go on vacation and there's what you're expecting in an event that the reality of your vacation is?
00;01;26;12 - 00;02;08;05
Ryan Brubaker
How about this first day of school? What happened within? I love how you and my son and all snowmen always look like the one on the right. I could never make a good looking seller. How about today? What's your expectation for today? Is that the plan on top? And then at the bottom, what the day is going to actually look like?
00;01;47;18 - 00;02;25;19
Ryan Brubaker
I'm right, aren't I? So I decided to take a little play off of this and write some job descriptions based on expectations versus reality. What's the written job description versus the actual job description? So my daughter worked at Kroger, so I had to I had to include this one, which is cashier just right. Grocery is seeking a cashier to smile.
00;02;08;14 - 00;02;43;14
Ryan Brubaker
Angry customers scan their items, collect payment. Right. That's the job description. What did my daughter actually do every day? Get yelled at by customers because there aren't enough lanes open. Get asked by customers why there aren't more employees on staff. Josh My customers reprocess coupons that don't even apply to their order. Just take the money out. I have a coupon.
00;02;25;28 - 00;03;06;18
Ryan Brubaker
I know that's not the thing I'm buying, but just take it off. Right. That's the reality. Okay. Optometrist I had a close friend who's an optometrist, so I did pick on out at me. Optometry seeks an optometrist who will heal the line and help small children who were failing in school. That's what you got. So you have to be an optometrist, right?
00;02;43;23 - 00;03;06;20
Ryan Brubaker
Actual job description for an optometrist. One or two or three or for better or worse. That was for my friend. Okay. Student Purdue University is seeking students who want to learn amazing things like find party all night with friends and receive daily Venmo payments from their parents so they can have a great lifestyle. Right. What's the actual job description of the student?
00;03;06;28 - 00;04;00;10
Ryan Brubaker
730 classes hang. I mean, headaches back to back classes on the other side of campus. You guys have those finals. We know Venmo because you're going to see all your glasses, so your parents cut you off. And then, of course, nightmares. Do you guys have did you guys have the nightmare where you show up to the final and then you realize that you hadn't attended the class entire semester and so you're going to have to win it.
00;03;31;26 - 00;04;21;27
Ryan Brubaker
I still have that nightmare, like 25 plus years later. Okay, So written job description for an I.T. leader and his company is seeking a. And you know where I'm going with this, so feel free to laugh out loud. Strategic thinking. There will add with full autonomy to lead the company into a new digital age ideal leader that will sit at the executive table and drive revenue by utilizing the cutting edge of technology.
00;04;00;19 - 00;04;41;05
Ryan Brubaker
Team player. It will be supported by all their colleagues and trusted to protect the company from unnecessary operational costs and cybersecurity threats. Right. That's the written job description. That's what we sign up for as IT leaders. We're going to go in and we're going to make things happen. Right. Okay. What's the actual job description of an icy leader?
00;04;22;06 - 00;05;01;29
Ryan Brubaker
Follow along with me. I see you all smiling. So you implement Agile because you're not getting stuff done fast enough about it. How do you write the thing that the specs. That's not what they wanted anyway. So you're going to Agile and you iterate and you get stuff done faster. Everything's going great only to be told now really, leaders implement an agile because you don't want to give updates for when stuff is going to get done.
00;04;41;14 - 00;05;20;02
Ryan Brubaker
You don't want to code to a spark, you don't really want to meet the requirements. You really and you're trying to save money on budget and so you don't want to have employee base. That's really why you've learned Agile, right? That's what you're told. So then as an IP leader, you build a roadmap, you're told we need a strategic roadmap, so you build a three year roadmap or a five year roadmap and you work through it all.
00;05;02;09 - 00;05;38;12
Ryan Brubaker
You get it all approved and it's finally roll out to that the whole company. And 5 minutes after it's roll out of all company, you're told, don't do any of that stuff. All business priorities have changed. Of course, you're a good I.T. leader, so you actually built it to the business priorities, not to just IP checking priorities. You actually said, what are we trying to accomplish strategically as a company?
00;05;20;12 - 00;05;56;05
Ryan Brubaker
And you build this amazing right map and then you're told now everything changed. That's what our earnings were down. We're going to go completely different direction. And so you really change everything. And then six months later, somebody in a board meeting dust off the roadmap from six months ago and says, why aren't we right here where you said we would be six months ago?
00;05;38;21 - 00;06;14;19
Ryan Brubaker
Zalman Meier okay, you hold tabled under exercises and you sit there as an idea leader and you're talking through your team, okay? What happens if this outage happens, this data corruption event, this cyber attack, and you're talking through it all and that out of your mind is the acting leader. You're thinking, what if none of this is right at all?
00;05;56;14 - 00;06;34;01
Ryan Brubaker
What if what happens is nothing like what we're experimenting with and, you know, the military, they built an Osama bin Laden recreation of his compound to practice in. Right. But when I asked for budget just to do some basic air exercises, but I need some extra servers over here or this or that, my budget's cut. So we had to just sit here and draw on a whiteboard.
00;06;14;28 - 00;06;53;01
Ryan Brubaker
That's my entire budget for VR exercises, right? Plus, I don't have expedient as my backup data center, so I'm terrified. Right. That's scary. That's scary stuff because it never is. It never is anything like that at all? No top exercise, really. Don't forget about Do not disturb. You're the master at do not disturb as an i.t leader because you need to get some sleep.
00;06;34;11 - 00;07;12;19
Ryan Brubaker
But then you have 17 people on your favorite so they can break through because you have to know if something is going down. It has gone down or there's an issue. So not to mention all the itsm tools like pagerduty and stuff, that's all allowed to break through your Do Not Disturb. I mean, it's your job to be woken up at 2 a.m. and notified that something horrible is happening.
00;06;53;10 - 00;07;29;22
Ryan Brubaker
That's the idea of your job right? Oh, and then there is the 2 a.m. call where the thing actually happens and you have to zoom calls going at once. You've got the one call. That's the war room and you're trying to talk to your team about what they're finding. And you've got the other call that the executive briefings you call and your job is as the i.t.
00;07;12;28 - 00;07;53;22
Ryan Brubaker
Leaders to keep them briefed on everything that's going on and they're asking you, do you have a workaround in place yet? And then you ask them if you're worried and they say we're trying to find root cause. What do you do? You have a workaround. I think really not a root cause yet. So they use them and then you go back to the executive team briefing and you unmute and you say, okay, we're still trying to get recalls.
00;07;30;02 - 00;08;18;09
Ryan Brubaker
And they say, you know, it's been 17 minutes. How do you not recall yet? It's and then ultimately somebody has to be held accountable when something like that happens, right? I mean, you're the CIO, you're the VP of it, you're the leader. We got to tell the board that we did something about it. So sorry. Too bad you're out.
00;07;54;01 - 00;08;49;00
Ryan Brubaker
That's stressful. This book changed my life. It's called The Wolf in CEO's Clothing. It's a machiavellian strategy for successful I.T leadership. It's a Gartner consultant who wrote it. And I'm actually not a machiavellian follower. I'm not a follower of Machiavelli. I fashion myself a servant leader. So I'm not saying this book is like everything that I agree with, but man is a challenge.
00;08;18;18 - 00;09;07;25
Ryan Brubaker
You're thinking it's just really great to read books, kind of challenge your thinking, isn't that? And she tells a great story about how i.t. Leaders in her experience tend to be data driven folks and that's part of how they end up in it. And so one of their hallmarks is transparency and being willing to share data. And so she tells a story about how I teach leaders well, when they're confronted with a problem with a when somebody is kind of coming after them, their answer is always just respond with data.
00;08;49;09 - 00;09;24;22
Ryan Brubaker
And and she shares this story. How many times does it happen that you share all the data about a problem and then it works? I used it. I used to be terrible. CFO would come and say, Oh, you're just doing Agile because you don't want to share how you know how many, how much work the team is really doing.
00;09;08;05 - 00;09;24;24
Ryan Brubaker
So you make up the story, points, Fibonacci, all this garbage so that it's all just a big mascot smokescreen, right? And so what did I do? I said, Oh great, I'll just share my debt ops with you. You can go see my board, you can just see and come to a separate planning section. You can see it all and thinking I'd be completely transparent.
00;09;25;01 - 00;09;58;12
Ryan Brubaker
And she said shares in the story. How often has that happened in a CFO goes, Oh, fantastic, you shared everything with me, and now I implicitly trust you to do your job. I'm never going to talk to you again. I'm going to leave you alone. She says. It never happened in her experience, she's never had an idea. What happens is they just take all that data.
00;09;40;23 - 00;10;24;26
Ryan Brubaker
It finds a reason to say, See, your velocity was way off like four months ago during this one sprint, and I don't remember you talking about that. So you must not be transparent. Something like that. So ultimately I think the i.t leader job description could be summarized in this one picture. It's to sit there and be stressed out.
00;09;58;22 - 00;10;55;10
Ryan Brubaker
It's a sit there and be worried to wonder what's going to happen tomorrow. Am I going to be in trouble for this project going yellow or red? Is there going to be an outage, Is there going to be a breach? Whatever it is, This is kind of our job description, isn't it? Stress is the physical, mental or emotional strain or tension worries to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts.
00;10;25;05 - 00;11;19;25
Ryan Brubaker
Had you ever worried? Anxiety is distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear or of danger or misfortune, and that they just a fear, a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger or evil pain, etc. Whether the threat is real or imagined, the feeling or condition of being afraid. Okay, real quick. I do want to say I'm not talking about grief depression this morning.
00;10;55;19 - 00;11;41;07
Ryan Brubaker
If you've suffered a loss of a loved one, if you are suffering from depression, that is a very real thing and you should seek help for that. I am not a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist, so I'm talking today about just the stresses of worries of everyday life. So I want to be clear about that. But in general, are people more or less anxious?
00;11;20;05 - 00;12;05;01
Ryan Brubaker
I mean, study after study, I took out a bunch of slides for time. I mean, since the iPhone came out, stress since Facebook came out, stress since Instagram, stress, Internet stress, I mean, there's just so many charts for people about stress and anxiety. We are so much more stressed out and actors than we used to be. Use are people's greatest fears for you.
00;11;41;17 - 00;12;28;00
Ryan Brubaker
Do a study in the while, you're on at least a year before you in their public speaking. It's terrifying. All right. I've asked others there's a problem. Good. Everybody agrees there's a problem. Okay, let's try three exercises. The first one, the worst case scenario before I get into the worst case scenario, I want to ask you a question.
00;12;05;11 - 00;12;47;13
Ryan Brubaker
What is your identity That was sort of ask that this morning. What is your identity? Who are you at your core? Is it is it just your slide of like accomplishments? Is that who you are? Is it your LinkedIn profile? Is that define you? Are you your LinkedIn profile or your number of followers? What are your core values?
00;12;28;09 - 00;13;26;03
Ryan Brubaker
These are my personal core values. You've never written down your personal I mean, your work has core values. Every company has core values. Have you ever thought about what your core values are? You should think about that sometime. Right now, these are mine, but these are still not what defines me. These are how I go through life. These are how I engage with the world.
00;12;47;23 - 00;13;47;01
Ryan Brubaker
As you're my core values, you engage with the world through your core values, but they are not who you are. So I'm going to ask it again. What is your identity in this? I'm going to ask a different question, just this basic question. Are you valuable, having considerable monetary worth costing or bringing a high price, having qualities worthy of respect, admiration or esteem of considerable use, service or importance?
00;13;26;12 - 00;14;08;08
Ryan Brubaker
Are you any of those three things? I think every person in this room is all three of those things. At your very core, you are a valuable human being. You have inherent value, and if you have inherent value, then guess what? All the anxieties that get in the way should be put in check. What are those anxieties? Imposter syndrome and actions?
00;13;47;11 - 00;14;35;15
Ryan Brubaker
Thinking, anxious thinking, imposters syndrome. Feeling that you're on the verge of being exposed as a fraud. It's very common in high achieving, and often it's actually CEO's biggest fear above death. They're more afraid they're going to walk in and be told by the board of directors, We figured out that you're a complete fraud and you don't know what you're doing.
00;14;08;17 - 00;14;52;23
Ryan Brubaker
You're fired. That's a higher fear than death for CEOs. That was an INC magazine study that they did on imposter syndrome. Pretty amazing. What about anxious thinking? What do you worry about? My job. I could lose my job. It's not prestigious. I don't help people enough. There's lots of anxious thinking that kicks into our brains. There. So how do we go about that?
00;14;35;25 - 00;15;09;28
Ryan Brubaker
This exercise, the worst case scenario and probably everybody's heard of this, but the idea is you just think through. If one of those terrible things happens, what's the worst case scenario? For me, my entire career was losing my job. I truly believe in my heart of hearts that if I ever lost my job, this would be me. Within 24 hours.
00;14;53;02 - 00;15;31;26
Ryan Brubaker
I mean, if you asked me point blank, I wouldn't tell you that. But but the way I behaved was as if I believed I would be on the street. My wife would abandon me, my kids would abandon me, my church friends would demand to be everybody I knew would abandon me. I mean, I lived that level of fear of losing my job.
00;15;10;08 - 00;15;51;24
Ryan Brubaker
And then this last winter, I lost my job. Wow. That was super elderly, super terrifying. But guess what didn't happen? That's not a picture of me. Thankfully, I did not end up on the street. There's a book that I read and I feel bad that I can't quote the person or the person because I can't remember what it was that.
00;15;32;05 - 00;16;16;27
Ryan Brubaker
But they said they count the number of couches they can sleep on at any given time. If the worst happens and they lose everything. What's your couch count? It's probably a lot higher than your natural instinct is when you think about, like not be able to pay your bills. You probably know somebody would let you sleep on the couch if you lost your house or your your livelihood.
00;15;52;04 - 00;16;45;11
Ryan Brubaker
You're probably not going to get there. Okay. So that's the worst case scenario. Takeaways from that exercise. Where do you struggle with imposter syndrome or anxious thinking and take time today, ideally with someone you trust and honestly work out the worst case scenario If this fear really comes true, you'd be surprised how encouraging it is to think through.
00;16;17;07 - 00;17;15;01
Ryan Brubaker
It's not as bad as you think. It's really not. Okay, so we address the problem or we defined the problem. We talked about the worst case scenario. Next exercise is called the overlap. Have you ever gone to one of these scenic overlooks and you see a mountain range or the ocean or a grand Canyon or something amazing and it just puts things in perspective.
00;16;45;21 - 00;17;46;29
Ryan Brubaker
You just realize, wow, there are some things in this life that are really important, and then there are some things in this life that probably aren't as important as I think they are. That is the goal of this exercise. The overlook. So to help us with that exercise, to give us that perspective, we're going to look at a study of 15, the 15 main things that people think about and say when they're in their final, final moments of life.
00;17;15;10 - 00;18;03;23
Ryan Brubaker
And that's going to help us have that overlooked perspective. So let's dive right in. One of 15 I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Will that be you? Are you somebody who can't turn off work, can't stop working? I wish I had last things off more often. That's a good one. You do. You hold grudges easily? Are you easily offended when you're laying in your final moments?
00;17;47;09 - 00;18;26;25
Ryan Brubaker
Will you be that person that says, I'm so glad I held that grudge against that guy who fired me for 20 years and in away at me? And I'm so glad that I never let that go. Now you're going to you're going to say, Wow, I wish I had just laughed things off more often. Just love stuff go.
00;18;04;02 - 00;18;53;12
Ryan Brubaker
And I just wasn't so easily offended. How about I wish I enjoyed more of the foods I loved? Maybe that'll be you. I don't know. Everybody's different, but pretty much everybody falls into one of these 15 categories or has a few a few that they can really identify with. Maybe you're the person that never had the office birthday cake and then you'll be the one saying, Now I had some more pieces of cake in my life.
00;18;27;05 - 00;19;26;13
Ryan Brubaker
Oh, I wish I hadn't wasted my time trying so hard for people. That didn't matter. Oh, that's an arrow straight to my heart. I have spent so much time trying to please and make happy people that I should not have been even giving a second thought to. That's a tough one. I wish I had not been so attached to my phone.
00;18;53;21 - 00;19;55;20
Ryan Brubaker
That's big. The whole books are anonymous at your best. Deep work, The Ruthless elimination of Hurry, Phenomenal books, all talking about this very subject. We are we are attached to our events. I wish I had taken more risks or lived more on the edge. A little on the edge. Maybe it's that business that needed to be started or the the person you needed to pursue a relationship with whatever it is that's going to be you.
00;19;26;22 - 00;20;11;18
Ryan Brubaker
I wish I had stood up to the bullies, the meanies, the baddies and the gossips. Wow, that's a fantastic way. If you've ever read any of the Joanie's books, that's a theme through all of his books. If you're a leader, get these people out of your organization. Take ownership of getting these people out of your organization. If you're not a leader or these are your peers, work through it with your team, Figure out how to manage this and don't get bored of it.
00;19;56;00 - 00;20;41;00
Ryan Brubaker
You might talk about that with culture, right? Don't hire these people and you get up and have them get them out of your organization. And if you're one of the people that likes to hang with these people and talk the negative and all the management, they don't know what they're doing and they're just, you know, they're just buffoons.
00;20;11;27 - 00;21;00;23
Ryan Brubaker
Don't don't play it. You'll regret it. I wish I made a difference. That's a01. I wish I hadn't spent so much time, worry about things I couldn't control. That's kind of what this conversation is about. I think I wish I had traveled more media. So you 70. A lot of people have that regret later in their life that they didn't travel enough.
00;20;41;09 - 00;21;22;18
Ryan Brubaker
I wish I had pursued the career. I really want it. Hope nobody here is feeling like they're in like a dead end job or more miserable. If you are, do something about it. I wish I had taken better care of my health. Now you're thinking, Wait a minute earlier, I wish I had eight more of the foods I lot does.
00;21;01;02 - 00;21;37;01
Ryan Brubaker
It doesn't. There's a contradiction, actually, in the study. This is not about that. About foods. And this is about going to the doctor's appointment. They wish they had followed the doctor's advice when they found out that they go back for a follow up, that they had gone to their annual physical, they had done their $49 heart scan that they are taking care of their health in that way is what this is talking about.
00;21;22;27 - 00;21;51;28
Ryan Brubaker
So is that going to be you are going to be that person, that stubborn and won't go to the doctor ever? And then at the end of your life you're to say, well, if I had just followed my doctor's advice or gone and done what I needed to do, I might be feeling better right now. I wish I had been more present.
00;21;37;11 - 00;22;24;05
Ryan Brubaker
I see everybody looking at me. That's awesome. Huge. I'm huge on this. Be present. If you're in a meeting, you either should be in the meeting and therefore be present, or you shouldn't be in the meeting. So don't attend the meeting. The Donald that ass multitasking is a summit. We've all read books on that. We didn't know that.
00;21;52;08 - 00;22;44;23
Ryan Brubaker
Actions of that. I wish I had seen my own worse that Steve that kind of goes back to the last one about being valuable you are a value human being inherently so you have worth so you don't have to worry about the externalities in this life. And lastly, I wish I had realized how much I already had. We have so much, don't we?
00;22;24;14 - 00;23;02;29
Ryan Brubaker
And we tend to focus on what we don't have. Only I had this, I've always had that. Okay, so which one stood out to you on the back table here? Not for now, but for as you're leaving. On the corner of the table is a stack of papers. Just grab one on your way out. It's a survey so you actually can go through each one of these 15 and you serve.
00;22;45;02 - 00;23;42;01
Ryan Brubaker
On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely am I to feel this way in my final moments of life? And then you just stack rank it on the far right so you can see, you know, if you have I have three chances. So then that's three number ones. You could just stack around it so you can grab one of these on your way out.
00;23;03;08 - 00;24;06;02
Ryan Brubaker
So that's the overlooked getting perspective time. Check your wealth takeaways. What is one real world issue causing you anxiety right now? And take at least 5 minutes today alone or out loud with someone you trust and apply the overlook to that issue. But whatever it is today, like I've got a meeting at 1:00 today to talk to my boss because this project just went yellow and I have to explain myself and you're freaked out about it, and I want you to take 5 minutes before that meeting and apply that overlay and just say to yourself, okay, in the grand scheme of things and all of that, all these final moments are said and done, does
00;23;42;10 - 00;24;27;15
Ryan Brubaker
it really matter how this meeting goes at 1:00 about this yellow project? And then take the survey that I left on the table back there and then say to yourself, What are you going to change immediately because of your highest scoring items? Yeah, we talked about the problem. We talked about the worst case scenario. We talked about the overlap.
00;24;06;11 - 00;24;47;06
Ryan Brubaker
Do you guys want to do one more for. Oh, that was a busy day. Wow. This is the Superman. Okay, I'm going to read you a fable. It's really short, I promise. Not very long. Once there was a man who owned a donkey, the man made his living transporting goods from town to town. Goods carried on the donkey's back.
00;24;27;25 - 00;25;08;23
Ryan Brubaker
He was different. He was a difficult master, never happy with the donkeys progress. Despite how hard she worked, he would frequently overload, insult and beat her. When he was angry, he complained constantly about the donkey's failings. Despite the harsh treatment, The donkey was a magnificent creature. Her ears were long and pointed. Her neck was strained, as was her back.
00;24;47;15 - 00;25;25;29
Ryan Brubaker
The perfect architecture for carry food, supplies and anything else you would ever need. She was sure footed. Even in the mud, the donkeys eyes mane and tail, where a luxuriant brow she was loyal, hardworking, a tenacious. Especially when the going got tough. She never complained. She was an excellent donkey. One day at the entrance to a town, the donkey stumbled over a rock on the road.
00;25;09;03 - 00;25;44;11
Ryan Brubaker
The man took a stick and began to beat the donkey without mercy, angry Kershner for the mistake. He continued to beat her until she regained her balance. By now, a crowd had gathered. One of the men in the crowd called the donkeys owner. What's wrong with you? Why are you beating that poor animal? All she did was stumble on a rock.
00;25;26;08 - 00;26;05;16
Ryan Brubaker
The owner says to call back. Mind your own business. This stupid animal made me look bad, he snarled. Who will buy my goods after such an embarrassing entrance into town? The man in the donkey disappeared to the marketplace. A year later, the man and the donkey returned to the town. The man was even angrier than last year. He is.
00;25;44;20 - 00;26;23;09
Ryan Brubaker
Curses can be heard by the townspeople long before he and the donkey could be seen. A large crowd was gathering at the village gate, straining to see what could be causing such a commotion. Finally, the man in the donkey came into view. The poor donkey. It changed dramatically. The luster was gone from her, made in coat. Her eyes were dull, bloodshot, her back was bowed and her gait listless.
00;26;05;26 - 00;26;44;14
Ryan Brubaker
The man was beating her with a stick, denouncing her shortcomings. Well, some things hadn't changed again. Someone in the crowd appealed to the man. Why do you read that? Poor animal. Can you see? Said the man. The donkey is useless. Look at it. It's ugly and slow. Who will buy goods from Mama? The donkey is ugly and useless.
00;26;23;18 - 00;27;01;14
Ryan Brubaker
Is this one like before? The man and the donkey does it here in the marketplace. In the third year, the harsh master and the donkey appeared in the gate to the town. Things had gone from bad to worse. The donkey sweet face had been turned into an angry scowl. She was mangy, emaciated and covered in scars where the donkey had been calm and surefooted before She was not nervous and tentative on our feet.
00;26;44;24 - 00;27;19;02
Ryan Brubaker
She attempted to bite and kick her master. Whatever he came into rage. The man beat her with a longer stick, afraid to come close to the animal. See, he called to anyone who would listen. This is a dangerous animal. I must protect myself and all of you. From her outbursts. The man, an angry donkey, would attempt to sell their wares.
00;27;01;24 - 00;27;19;04
Ryan Brubaker
In the fourth year, the man appeared at the market. He was gray, disheveled, and he limped along on feet, bloodied from his walk behind him. He pulled a heavy car. As it passed, a crowd gathered to view the poor fellow. Someone seemed to recognize him from the previous visits. Hey, are you the man with the donkey? Where is your animal?
00;27;19;12 - 00;27;58;23
Ryan Brubaker
How come you aren't traveling with her? The man dropped the heavy cart down, raising a cloud of dust from the road. That useless donkey he began. She up and died. Stupid animal. She ruined me. Now I have to pull this heavy car from town to town. It's killing me. Maybe you should have thought about that before you beat your donkey, says a woman with disdain.
00;27;37;24 - 00;28;24;05
Ryan Brubaker
Those gathered gave each other knowing looks. Maybe you should. My ear of business said that mama to cry. You don't know what I've been through. He picked up the heavy car and pulled it into the marketplace with all his remaining strength. So the Harsh master is clearly the villain in this story. And the beautiful, capable donkey is the victim.
00;27;59;02 - 00;28;43;29
Ryan Brubaker
But this fable is actually about the two sides of the self. Self? You are the beautiful, capable donkey carrying all of the wares and the harsh critic. His harsh master. Is your inner critic telling you nothing is ever good enough and beating you no matter what you do, you stumble on a rock. You messed up a project, you did this thing, you didn't follow through on that other thing that you forgot about.
00;28;24;15 - 00;29;09;20
Ryan Brubaker
You're a loser. You're a failure. And that's what that inner critic is telling you all the time. And then to make matters worse, this is even covered in Fable that when people come alongside you like the townspeople and say, No, it's okay, you're good, and they try to support you, your inner critic lashes out at them and says they're lying to you.
00;28;44;08 - 00;29;34;10
Ryan Brubaker
They don't they don't actually like you. They don't actually approve of what you're doing. They're not really your friend. They just want to sell you something that is the victim. Hope that we can fall to with our own inner critic. And that's the fable of the harsh master self-respect, proper esteem, or regard for the dignity of one's character.
00;29;10;00 - 00;29;58;03
Ryan Brubaker
That's what this fables about. I wish I had seen my worth. That was number 14. Remember that? So here's the Superman studies have been done across the entire globe. All cultures. When people are down on themselves, when they're upset with themselves, when they have that inner critic, they do this with their body, they close themselves off and they come out like this.
00;29;34;19 - 00;30;22;11
Ryan Brubaker
It doesn't matter what culture you're from, country, anything across the globe. We as human beings do this. When we are down on ourselves. What do we do when we're proud of ourselves? Yes, we cheer. We open up our bodies. Scientific study every culture. No body varies across the globe. Every culture does this. We open ourselves, we as human beings do.
00;29;58;13 - 00;30;45;16
Ryan Brubaker
And so then further studies have been done that show that when we force ourselves into these open positions, even when we are down on ourselves, it actually changes our brain chemistry, it rewires our brain, and we actually start to feel more self-confident and less critical of ourselves when we do this public speaking coaches have been teaching this for years.
00;30;22;21 - 00;31;05;07
Ryan Brubaker
It's called the Superman, and they say when you go to give a presentation, you go in the bathroom or somewhere private and you just stand in the Superman 30 seconds, you guys would be amazed at how much self-confidence it really is true. It absolutely is true. It looks hilarious. But you it changes your brain chemistry and you don't have to do Superman.
00;30;45;25 - 00;31;34;01
Ryan Brubaker
You can do this. Literally just stand out in the sun like this on a bad day. We are working from home and you walk out in your backyard and you just do this for a minute. You would be shocked how much it does for you. So that's the Superman. So take away from the Superman. What is one area of your life where you struggle with self regard?
00;31;05;17 - 00;31;51;26
Ryan Brubaker
Pick one person to tell about this struggle. What are you going to change? Do or think differently now that you've identified this? And then lastly, go in a private room and practice the Superman for 30 seconds while thinking about that struggle, you will walk out of that bathroom. A different person. Sounds crazy. All right, I'm almost done. One final takeaway I truly care about each and every one of you in this room.
00;31;34;10 - 00;32;06;19
Ryan Brubaker
You are valuable human beings. And so if you struggle with this or if this is something that you're dealing with, I would love to hear your story. Hit me up. Let's go grab a coffee. You might be thinking this isn't can't be true. This guy can't be this touchy feely. Yes, You know me well. I really am touchy feely.
00;31;52;05 - 00;32;06;28
Ryan Brubaker
I really would love to hear your story. I mean, I don't. I'm not selling anything. I'm not professional. Coach Jeff Dobson's on the market, a professional coach. He would love to help you with that, but I would just be meeting everybody. I'm just here to learn your story and hear about your show because I've certainly struggled with it.
00;32;06;28 - 00;32;16;17
Ryan Brubaker
We all have. I would love to help you with that, and I think I have some. This is all my footnotes. Duncan sent out slides and then that's me. Thank you all very much. I'm.