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Welcome to The Activate Change Podcast, where transformation is just a conversation away. Join Gabrielli LaChiara, renowned healer and creator of the LaChiara Method, as she guides individuals through powerful healing sessions. Alongside her, Chloë Faith Urban breaks down the frameworks and tools Gabrielli uses to bring deeper understanding to the profound process of healing. Each episode offers an intimate front-row seat to authentic, raw, and real personal breakthroughs, spiritual healing, and emotional support, allowing you to see yourself in the journeys of others. Experience the power and magic of the LaChiara Method, learn practical tools for self-growth, and unlock your potential to activate change in your own life. Whether you're seeking healing, inspiration, or a deeper understanding of yourself, this podcast is your gateway to a more rooted, resilient and radiant YOU.
To experience or learn more about the method go to: https://lachiaramethod.com
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Are you wanting to just feel better in your life? Are you tired of feeling overwhelmed or anxious all of the time? Trust us, we've been there and we totally get it. That's exactly why we've created something truly special for you. Introducing you to this life -changing free gift. It's called Transform Your Life in Three Minutes a Day or Less with these eight simple questions.
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This is how it works. Each day you'll get an email with a daily question and then that's accompanied by a mini guided meditation that's under three
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if you are wanting to sign up, go to lakyaramethod .com slash podcast dash gift. That's L A C H I A R A.
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Chloe (01:56)
Welcome to the Activate Change podcast, where transformation is just a conversation away. Each episode, join renowned healer and founder of the La Quijara Method, Gabriele La Quijara, as she offers an intimate front row seat to an authentic and unscripted personal healing session. Each session features a new person exploring their genuine struggles
their longings and their deepest desires in their lives. As you listen, we invite you to receive as well, feeling into where the healing and insights that transpire might spark transformation in your own life. And stay tuned until the end because I, Chloe Faith Urban, will discuss the session and share a tool or framework that Gabrielle used, which you can apply to your own personal healing.
This podcast does contain adult language and content, so if you have little ones around you, you may want to use headphones.
Gabrielli LaChiara (03:02)
you
Chloe (03:11)
In this episode, Gabriele has a first time session with Jake, who explores his fear about becoming a first time parent. Listen as he unpacks his hopes, feelings and insights about the radical change he's about to experience. Let's dive in.
Gabrielli LaChiara (03:34)
Hello?
Jake (03:36)
Hey
Gabrielli LaChiara (03:38)
Hi, I just met you a second ago before we jumped in for this podcast session. And so thank you for joining me in the Activate Change podcast.
Jake (03:48)
Yeah, happy to join excited to see what happens today.
Gabrielli LaChiara (03:54)
I love to start with just grounding us by, you know, landing the space by doing a couple of breaths, maybe what I call an invocation, which is basically just setting my own intention and presence with you. And you're welcome to join me by following me along, or you can find any way you want to land yourself and invite you to use the time to just feel your own intention and what's coming up as you enter the session.
Sometimes that's different than what comes up before we got here. You know, like something arises. And so you can close your eyes or not. I think just be you in whatever way you need to. Yeah.
Good, so I'd like to start by just imagining that we're sitting in this physical space together, even though we're virtual. And in that physical space, I wanna imagine that I've gone to all the doors and the windows and kind of shut the curtains and just close out any excess energy or thinking or processing that maybe doesn't belong to our space today and may not be the most
generative use of your time with me.
And in that possibility, I want to invoke that this is for you. That yes, we're doing a podcast session for others to learn from, but mostly my focus, my attention is to be here, Jake, with you today and to really be present in how I can be of service to your journey, to your healing, to your you -ness. Yeah. And so anything that isn't required to take up our space.
We're just gonna close that up and activate change and generate healing. And media.
It's very curious. Like as I do that, I feel so much stirring inside of me and it makes me curious about what you're here for. Sometimes I land us a little bit more, but there's such an energy in the center of my body and a reaching is how it feels like a readiness. And I think I'm just gonna invite you to share your own intentions and kind of desires for our time.
Jake (06:19)
Mm. Mm.
Yeah. Yeah, thank you for opening us in that way, up and ground a little bit into where I'm at. And I'm kind of feeling, you know.
There's many avenues of work for me in this moment. And I can feel just like the stirring and the different tendrils. But you know, the big thing that's happening in my life is that I have a baby on the way. Thank you. And so...
Gabrielli LaChiara (07:04)
congratulations.
Jake (07:09)
This is a first for me. And so fatherhood is looming in the near horizon. If all goes well in September. And so, you know, a lot of, a lot of how I've been leaning into my life at this moment has been thinking about that. Like, what does it mean to be a father? And how am I showing up, you know, in most integrity as I can in this time?
Gabrielli LaChiara (07:14)
Hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Jake (07:39)
for my partner, for my coming child, but also for the world and community. And so I guess maybe that has a bigger intention coming in today is just continuing to lean into what that looks like and move deeper into the truer aspects of myself that allows me to play that role in the best way I can.
Gabrielli LaChiara (07:45)
you
Yeah.
Right, wow. I love that you're asking the question. I love that you're sitting in what feels to me like both clarity and confusion about it or conflict about what it means and what's being asked of you. Like the, can we know, can we not know, right? It's this mysterious human who's...
soul is landing on your lap and your responsibility to grow and nurture and care for and what a thing, right? It's both so freaking exciting and so daunting, at least was for me and having my child. Yeah. Yeah.
Jake (08:42)
Yeah, there's something about like the scope, I think that I'm navigating in terms of like my own energy and capacity. And I think there's like some excitement, but also fear about how to show up fully, you know, for my wife and this being, while also I'm, you know, someone and my wife similarly, like we identify so much with our work.
Gabrielli LaChiara (08:52)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah.
Jake (09:08)
you know, in our vocational, you know, movements into the world and into community and like how to navigate those fears and show up fully and feel in balance, I think is like some of the questions I'm asking.
Gabrielli LaChiara (09:15)
Bye.
All right. All right.
Yeah, those are really good questions. I'm really hearing like the navigating, you're already full.
life, you named it as work, it feels to me like it's just who you are, you know, what you're doing in the world and what feels like important contributions that you and your wife are making to the world. And then like how to navigate what just feels. You said fear and I heard terrifying. Like I heard feel like beyond fear, it feels terrifying. Like what am I getting myself into or is the question that popped in my head of like, you know, can I show up for this? Can I do it? And can I do it well?
Jake (09:50)
Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (10:02)
Those are the questions I was hearing in you.
Jake (10:07)
Yeah, terrified is an interesting word. I don't know, like, yeah, I'm trying to even think, or think is maybe the wrong word, but even feel into terrified, right?
Gabrielli LaChiara (10:10)
Mhm.
Mm -hmm.
Yeah. Right. Is it possible that you're actually terrified? And is that even wrong? Like, maybe that's healthy, you know? Maybe we give it a bad fear, a bad rap, you know, and suggesting that somehow we should be able to like temper it and that if we allowed ourselves to feel the real terror and the choice we're making, would that mean it's wrong? You know, would that means that things bad is happening? And so I use the word kind of intentionally just to expose it so that we could look at that like.
And I guess I would start with that question. And in this work, I love to ask questions, not to get logical answers, but just to feel them together and to feel what they bring up and to really encourage you to feel beyond just like the thinking mind and even though to use that too, but to like feel into all of it and just feel what also shows up and arrives in your natural wisdom, right? So if I dove there first, I'd be like, you know,
When did you decide that being terrified of something makes it wrong? Or did you? Is it possible that you've decided that if you were terrified of parenting, that would mean that something bad is happening?
Jake (11:30)
Yeah, well, as you're speaking and I'm kind of just like trying to feel into where in my body like I, you know, I could feel that element of terrified. I mean it.
Gabrielli LaChiara (11:45)
Mm -hmm.
Jake (11:50)
the narratives kind of go away a little bit. I can kind of feel more just like my little self. Maybe because that was the time I actually ever allowed my body to feel terrified. It was probably when I was young. That was back when feelings were able to flow easily.
Gabrielli LaChiara (12:02)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Right.
Hmm.
Jake (12:21)
and
Gabrielli LaChiara (12:21)
Yeah. And I don't mean to suggest that you have to feel terrified either. It's just what popped in and it sounds appropriate in terms of like that when some younger part of ourselves, you know, was more, maybe more liberated to feel some of these things that as we become cultured and adulted and, you know, maybe even effective at our lives in some ways, we can cloak that or...
Jake (12:38)
That's all.
Gabrielli LaChiara (12:49)
you know, that vulnerability goes away of what it could mean to be. Maybe there's something vulnerable about being terrified that's not, that again, isn't wrong. That could be actually helpful here for us to look at.
Yeah.
Jake (13:03)
Hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (13:06)
Yeah, I'm going to just clear the energy around that using this activation and I'm happy to give you more information later about how they all work. But they're just statements that I've created that I've found to be really helpful at just moving the top layers of energy so that we can actually sit a little bit more comfortably and deeply in the discomfort. So I'm going to release injury recall it's called, which is just an activation designed to help us sift any past
Jake (13:26)
So, mm -hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (13:35)
traumas or experiences that don't need to get cluttered in the present experience so that we can sort, you know, where to go with this. And so if I release injury recall related to both feeling fear, but also not feeling fear and our relationship to fear and what it means, I would release any past energies that aren't required for our time.
so that we can actually find those that are and releasing injury recall on the physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, energetic and genetic planes for the past, for the present and anything projected in the future in particular for you about what it means to be a parent and responsible for a life in this way and activate change and generate healing.
And immediately you're welcome to take an exaggerated breath in. If that's helpful, I will.
and then an exaggerated breath out.
and let's feel together. So truth, what does fear in relation to parenting, what does that actually mean to you?
Jake (14:56)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, I am.
I kind of get this like shaky feeling.
Gabrielli LaChiara (15:08)
Mm -hmm.
Jake (15:14)
Yeah, I think it's related to just like...
yet having no idea really like what, how to do that, how to actually be, you know, a steward for another being. And just like...
Gabrielli LaChiara (15:31)
Right? Right.
Jake (15:37)
feeling, yeah, just totally lost and frozen around.
Yeah.
Yeah, kind of like I lean into the fear. It's like losing sense of like my own clarity or confidence in that role.
Gabrielli LaChiara (16:05)
Mm -hmm, mm -hmm, good. Let's stay there for a minute and feel where that brings us. And again, clearing the energy not to stop you from feeling, but to help you stay in those feelings and activate change or generate healing and immediately leaning in, feeling the leaning in to not knowing.
Leaning into what this question of can I, what does it even mean to steward a whole life? Like what does that mean? And leaning into the unknown nature, that bringing another human into our worlds, you know, especially a child, the unknown nature of that instability.
I'm gonna invite you to, like imagine you can take your mind's eye and go a little deeper in, like I feel like you're hovering over some information. So, and I never need to be right. There's this like permanent delete button in the session that anything I say now or anything later that I've said that you don't like, you just hit delete. You know, it's done. Like don't get stuck on something I said that doesn't feel right to you.
That allows me to live a little bit bolder and just say shit and trust really. This is you to discover you, not me to tell you who you are. Right? So let's lean you in. It's as if you could go like behind your belly button and down an inch and then drop in. So if you could bring your mind's eye in and maybe you can't, but if you could, you know, what does it feel like to enter that like...
kind of deep pulse behind and down behind the belly button into the kind of inner sanctuary of your, of your.
of your muscles in there, your roots.
So, in truth, what's who, what, where, when, why are you holding in your belly?
that.
Jake (18:30)
Thank you.
Yeah, I mean, I feel like...
I kind of like the...
The fear, at least in this moment, really like dissipates when I go there. Like, I... It really feels like there's, you know, a seed of...
kind of truth or like confidence that arises there for me. So like, I kind of...
Gabrielli LaChiara (19:03)
Mm.
Mm -hmm.
Jake (19:13)
And this is something that happens to me. You know, it's something I'm grateful of quite a bit. It's that like when I start to enter that space of doubt or fear, there's this other aspect of me that often bubbles up in assurance. And that's what I'm feeling now. It's just like now this tingling kind of moving through my body of like...
Gabrielli LaChiara (19:35)
Mm -hmm.
Cool.
Love it.
Mm, I love it.
Jake (19:47)
You're meant for this in this moment. You're here.
Gabrielli LaChiara (19:50)
Right. Deep in our bones and our tissues and our cells, there's not only all the... We talk a lot about cellular epigenetics of trauma and things we've experienced that were hard and what our family's ancestral dynamics do to us and what we inherit that's diseases and stuff like that. We don't always talk about all the stuff that we inherit that's also absolutely fabulous, you know?
Jake (20:16)
Yes.
Gabrielli LaChiara (20:17)
Like I feel right now, I'm feeling, I have like shivers all over my whole body that we get to call on the wisdom in you that for any and all the lifetimes we're parenting in your historic family, but also in you as a being, as a soul, that you have done that and you do know how, and it's deep in your bones to know how, that we also get to invoke that awake. All the parts of you that have way more knowing than you know about the success and the...
strength and the ability to raise a family, be a parent, to up for a baby for a whole life. So invoking Can't Proclaim Embranaz that there are parts of you that know, that have the wisdom, that are choosing this on purpose, that somewhere in you, you did know that you want this. And those exist alongside of the fear, maybe terror, confusions.
you know, anxieties of all the unknown.
Jake (21:20)
Right, and like sometimes it's hard for me to know or like, and I think this is the trust that I'm still developing is like, is that the part of me kind of like protecting me from like the fear or the terror or like, is it actually like the truer part of myself and to like lean into that when it arises and like, I'm always like trying to navigate.
Gabrielli LaChiara (21:38)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Love that question. Yeah, I would suggest, I don't know, from my little peewee perspective, I would suggest that there's an either -and. That like we often, I think about like one of the frameworks I play in is that there's body consciousness, right? And in our body consciousness is pain and emotion and fear and happiness and body sensation, like literal finite.
Jake (21:47)
That's true.
Gabrielli LaChiara (22:10)
aspects of being a physical form, which is really kind of a pile of sensations ultimately. But I also see what I call being consciousness. And to me, being consciousness is that part of ourselves that is in the intuitive nature of who we are, is in the wisdom, is in the knowingness, you know, and maybe has a different perspective for our bodies. We can toggle between them. Like, we can be like, if I go deep into my body, I have all this fear. But if I go to this other place and it sounds like you've found a little
door to your knowing. When you get to that place, your being consciousness enlivens and there's part of you that has more trust, more faith, more perspective, more positivity even in the parts that aren't as human, right? What I would say, and I think we can aim our discovery process in is, what does it look like to merge them? How do we use that knowing muscle to help guide the fear and to help us really think about and learn
what we need when that real human appropriate fear also arises and is just supposed to be there, right? Does that make sense? Yeah.
Jake (23:21)
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Gabrielli LaChiara (23:25)
So part of me would do like a process that asks a question that might be like, you know, if you're, if that kind of infinite being wise parts of part of you was nourishing and supporting the human, maybe fear, but also all the human parts of you in relation to being a father. So if these two were merged and in harmony and communion, what does that muscle of knowing know?
Jake (23:25)
Hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (23:54)
for your human self about what it means to be a father.
Jake (23:57)
Hmm. Hmm.
Hmm.
Yeah, and first I just want to share an image that's been coming since you were talking about that, because I was kind of like seeing my fearful young self, kind of like a black shadow of myself, kind of like sitting down with my knees up against me. And then I kind of have, I felt like this kind of like golden...
Gabrielli LaChiara (24:22)
Mm -hmm.
Jake (24:34)
light with like being or if it's not if it's myself or being connected to me like there's this like wings that are like coming to like just totally embrace like that being in like this it kind of just like or and they're kind of like rocking together
Gabrielli LaChiara (24:43)
Yeah. Brave. Brave.
I love that. And it makes me think that like, we want that young self to have airtime, but we want it to be parented, right? It's like, we want both. We want to hold it and say, what did you need that you didn't get that you're trying to like, show me? You know, what is it that you knew even as a two -year -old and a six -year -old that you wanted the world to show up for that did or didn't happen? You know, what's important? What scares you? You know, and we want that to be held in that wisdom, right? The faith.
Jake (25:02)
Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (25:22)
of like, okay, we've got this together. This isn't a part and piece. It isn't like you either win because your fears are gonna run the show and I have to fix all that, or I'm gonna gloss over and dissociate from my fear and pretend everything is fine and ignore myself, you know, and ignore the calling to listen deeply to it all. And I love that image. The image is like, again, so I feel it. My back feels like I'm growing wings with you, you know? I just feel like, ooh.
the enveloped nature of holding our more fragile, more vulnerable, sometimes more regal parts that are also human.
Jake (26:02)
Yeah, some of it's coming through and the message isn't totally clear, but I'm very aware that at some point when I was young, some light inside kind of grew dim and I felt like I lost some of my own kind of confidence or esteem in my beingness and like...
I think.
Yeah, I think maybe as a parent, becoming a parent, there's...
there's some healing that's still needed around that piece.
in how to help kind of like, yeah, how to help make sure like someone, yeah, whoever, you know, whoever the baby becomes is able to really stay in that light. I guess that's part of the fear too. It's just like.
Gabrielli LaChiara (26:51)
It just feels so true. Yeah.
All right. All right. Yeah, and I can hear in that trauma. First of all, I can feel your sadness. Like, I felt that grief of like, you know what it must have felt like to wake up one day and realize that you had lost some of your beingness. You know what it must have felt like to lose it, to not have what you need, to not know how to stay plugged into yourself.
I can feel all that. I can feel the tendency then to take that into parenting with some grandiose perfectionist, really being hard on yourself goal, you know, like to never make a mistake and to, I can see the drive might be under there and I don't know if it is for you or not, but I could feel that that could create a drive like a, in that trauma, you know, could create a drive to perfect that for someone else and to feel like, my God, I have this job to never, ever, ever let this human suffer really is how I hear it.
but certainly in the ways that you suffered. And I think that is part of our parenting is that we strive to give our children the things that, well, I can speak for myself. I know that I've done that. My children are now in their late twenties and one is turning 30 in a minute, which is ridiculous. But I know that still to this day, I have this drive to make it all okay and to give them those things that I so needed that were so painful for me to not have.
And to, in the ways I was broken to never let them break, right? And, you know, and how, how that's impossible too. It's just impossible, you know, and yet it's in there, but I could feel that like making this harder, making more fear. Cause it's like, well, what if I do it wrong becomes a part of the question? Like, what if I hurt this human being that I'm responsible for and can I give them all those things I never had or.
Jake (28:41)
Thank you.
Gabrielli LaChiara (29:00)
Maybe the things I haven't lost. That's what's coming in for me is just feeling your human -ness to wanna.
hold yourself at such a high level of standard.
Jake (29:13)
Right. Yeah, and maybe that's part of the fear is like also this knowingness, right, that that standard is impossible. And so, you know, the toxins that are in the air of our culture and the toxins that are in the world, you know, it's inevitable to fully, you know, allow them to be avoided. And so I think I'll just like...
Gabrielli LaChiara (29:21)
It's impossible, right?
Yep. Right.
Right. Yeah. Right. That's sad. I think that's the part that's hard, which is like we realize we're up against something that's an imperfect reality and it comes with, Chloe and I call it the triunity, this trifecta basically of trauma and oppression and disconnect from spirit and nature that we just think you inherit. Like you're just born in with it. It's like a conundrum, right? Like every human has it.
Jake (29:46)
Yeah, just.
Gabrielli LaChiara (30:10)
We can think we have less or more of one or the other aspect of it, but we're all in it. We're in the soup pot together and societally and physically. And so we birth our children into that same soup pot and that's unavoidable, you know? And then also they have their own karma. I mean, our children are souls that are humans, that if we look at every human we know, they've had lessons to learn and things to work through and graces and gifts and, you know, as parents, like,
how we scaffold a life where we can make space for that, for them to thrive and to meet society when it hits hard on them and to show up for whatever they, their soul is here to learn, you know, and how we steward that becomes such a dance of lifetime because it doesn't end, you know, it's, you're doing it now, you're already doing it. They're not even physically breathing air yet and you're already influencing them.
Jake (31:00)
Thanks.
Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (31:13)
So what is it? What is the real, like maybe it would help to have, it's almost like a mission statement for yourself. Like if it's not to perfect it and you know that you're, I mean, the hardest part for me was the wakeups of like, I hurt my child by mistake. It was like, shit. Not only did I want to protect them from everybody else, but then I made a mistake. And we learn, we learn that on one hand, parenting is humbling and.
I think, I don't know, most parents come away with some regrets, right? And so we can't be perfect. And that feels okay. Like I feel like that's just part of learning, right? And then also we have our graces and where we're amazing. And part of me is like, you know, how do we have a mission statement that makes sense for who we are to say, what is my overarching, like when I fall on my face or when I can't fix something for them or I can't prevent it? And when it's going really well, like what is,
What is my job that I'm saying and can I refine that and change that and adapt that every year to like learn who I am as a parent as they grow? And part of me for you in particular says like, can you have accountability? Like, would it be helpful to have the mentors and the people who are at your side so you can ask the questions when you get confused? Like, am I still in my integrity or am I leading in the way I wanted to? And am I upholding my commitments? Did I, you know, am I?
Jake (32:36)
Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (32:42)
over perfectionist or not doing enough. Like where are the supports that can be part of your guidance network so that you don't have to be alone figuring it out? I mean, you have your wife, but she'll need that too.
Jake (32:52)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, yeah, we're, we're very blessed in that we have a, you know, a beautiful community around us and two very over -involved grandmas that will be, you know, there's complications in that as well, right, with the lineages of healing that are showing up in our, you know, parents as well. But, yeah, I think, I mean, just, you know, being in the space with you has helped kind of like,
Gabrielli LaChiara (33:06)
Good.
Jake (33:26)
Wean into that idea of like.
Allowing myself to let go but continue to also be in that balanced state of what's showing up here and why.
Yeah, maybe like, yeah, I don't know yet what would the question be with something around like, I'm recognizing the like deep interconnectedness between this coming child and myself. And so I'm just kind of like, is this serving us is like something that's arising at the moment. It's something like just something that's like without judgment, but like allows space for pause.
Gabrielli LaChiara (33:56)
Mm -hmm.
Right. Right. Reflection. And again, you might need to schedule it, be it schedule it in your own time for yourself or schedule it. It may even be that, you know, especially parenting babies, that it really happens every three months where you stop and take stock of like, how am I doing? You know, like, what do I need? What am I missing out on? Where am I neglecting myself to be able to raise this child? Where am I on autopilot and I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing, you know, like, or where am I overdoing it? And I could back up and let things be a little bit more.
Yeah.
messy, you know? And you'll have those, I think you could have those questions set aside for yourself and reflection, like reflective time built in, which I really highly recommend because it's hard to find it once you're in the groove of parenting and working and we're full, we're busy, you know? And there's something in this that makes me want to go back to the question I had started to ask, which is like, what does your amazing infinite
being that consciousness of you, like what does that intuitive consciousness know that your body needs right now in order to continue to show up as the father that you're already being?
Jake (35:26)
Hmm.
Ooh, that feels like a lifelong question. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (35:33)
Mm -hmm. And that might be the question. That might be one of the questions that becomes part of the dance, you know, and you know, it's like, wait, I want to go back and ask, what am I missing? Like, what does my, my wise self, you know, that part of me that exists beyond being just a body, but is tethered to my soul that's here to help me? Like, what does that intuitive part of me know that my body needs or that my baby needs that, that maybe I'm pretending not to know because I'm so busy being me in other ways, right? So.
What do you know that you're pretending not to know about what it means to be a father today?
Jake (36:07)
Yeah, well, yeah, it's funny you asked that. I mean, because I've been lucky. I've been able to be playing uncle for the last few years and my sister's had kids. So I have been in a way, you know, playing a role. I've been playing uncle, but a little different than father, but I've been showing up for these little ones. Like yesterday I was with Ronan, who's my sister's youngest.
Gabrielli LaChiara (36:17)
Mm -hmm.
Jake (36:36)
He was, for the first time, he cried like when I left. And it just kind of like broke something through for me and my sister, just like, and she ended up sending me a text and just like, I just can't thank you enough for like all the care you've been giving to my children these last few years. I think.
Gabrielli LaChiara (36:46)
Mm -hmm.
Mm.
Jake (37:01)
I don't know, there was something that I felt that it's like some healing just in that itself, just like being myself, you know, in presence, like, and the little one being themselves in presence, like that was enough like for each of us and yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (37:21)
Right? I keep hearing that I'm enough, that that's part of what's healing for you. Like anywhere you're afraid you won't be enough or have decided you're not enough or that you won't have enough or give enough or do enough. And like, I hear the healing that came that that relationship just brought you and that your sister brings you by allowing you in so deeply that suggests like, wait a minute, wait a minute, I can just be, and that's enough. Doesn't, it's not going to fix everything, right?
It's just enough to have this deep soul level connection and show up. And I just want to offer it right into your heart for you to really drink it in, in this moment and witness of like, you are enough. You are. And I feel like we want to just invoke that when you're not enough, if there's some real reason you're not enough, that you can know that. We don't have to be afraid of that. We can be like, I'm not enough. You know, I raised, I single parented my...
Jake (38:04)
Hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (38:19)
I had a child of my own and he's, I'm Italian, I'm a white Italian woman and his father's a Senegalese, a black man who, Senegalese and Cape Verdean. And so, you know, I'm raising this black boy, you know, and I remember when he hit, I think it was like 16 and I don't remember which horrific incident happened in society, but kind of a number of them.
happened where like black men were being killed by police and that's just such a, you know, that's our style of lynching all the black men, right? All the black people. And I don't know, I had the like, fuck, I'm not enough, you know? Like I'm a white woman. I'm not even a man. Like I don't, I don't get it. Like I, he's such a male embodied, beautiful black becoming man. And I'm really not enough. And it was like at first really hard to hear myself say that. And then,
It was so good for me to like fall apart into like, I'm not enough. I need something else. He needs something else. And to start to really ask myself as he comes of age, how do I resource him for the things that I can never give him? You know, I just can't understand, can't possibly understand his reality, you know? And that was helpful. And it was, it's still, still helpful. And it's still something I do in meeting him, you know, in that way. And so wherever we're afraid to hear that we're not enough because it,
hits a more existential crisis. To me, where I'm not enough and where I am enough is just, it's good information. It's useful. We want to know. We don't want to be in denial. We don't want to be throwing ourselves chronically under the bus in an extreme way. And we also don't want to be in denial and pretend we're fine. You know, it's like, you get to have a relationship to the idiosyncratic nature of being a father. And like, your sister knows she needs you, so something in her is not enough either, right?
That's good. Means you get to show up and how healing for everybody.
Jake (40:17)
Yeah, that's really interesting. I appreciate that. It's like, like how to really feel into that, you know, that seat of myself, like you helped get to around like the enoughness while also being like totally clear, like we're in like, it's an interdependent web of life for a reason. Like we're all dependent on each other in a way. So of course none of us individually.
Gabrielli LaChiara (40:30)
Mm.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. This obscene reality where we shut the door and parent our kids alone, even when we have two people, two adults in a house is ridiculous. It's really ridiculous. We're not supposed to be able to do that. Like, I just feel like talk about disconnect from nature. It feels so unnatural to live in a box without both accountability and support and other people to do the things we can't do even for our own spouses. You know, it's like, and partners and beloveds and friends like who
Jake (40:48)
Right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (41:06)
Whoever thought one person was supposed to be always enough, you know? I think it's, you know, sometimes I feel like, you know, my fantasy is if my parents had just told me that, like, we're not going to be enough for you. Like, our way is only going to work to a certain degree and then there's things you'll never get that we can't give you. So we hope you can help. Can we help you find them somewhere else, you know? Because you might need different people to teach you how to be you. I was such a different creature than anyone in my family. I'm so unusual in the way I operated, you know?
Jake (41:26)
Right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (41:36)
I was of the idea in my head that that would have helped. You know, like, would have helped me to not feel so traumatized by what I couldn't get or who I was being, you know? Yeah.
Jake (41:48)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (41:53)
Yeah, let's feel in here for a minute and just give you a second. I'm going to clear all that and let us land and see what else you might need for this time. And so I just want to sweep clear all the stories and all the storylines and remind you that none of my experiences need to match yours and that you get to create your own. That this time and these conversations are really about creating a pathway, a groove for you to learn more and to be you and to
understand your own beautiful complexities of being both human and divine, and specifically in relation to family and parenthood and child, baby, life. And we'll clear out anything not required so that we can see, feel, and hear what else you need from this time and activate change and generate healing.
Jake (42:56)
Yeah, I am just kind of in your in your question again, returning to like, what does my body need? I'm I'm so like aware of like the routines and structures that are helpful for me to like, be able to show up in, you know, my confident, open, open kind of present self and and also recognize like when I fall out of them.
Like when it, in terms of like sleep or eating or exercise or meditation, like all those like elements of support that like kind of holistically buoy me. Like I know fatherhood will bring incredible challenges to allowing those structures to stay in place. and so I think I'm just kind of like feeling into that dichotomy of like, who am I without those things, you know, in like,
Gabrielli LaChiara (43:30)
Mm -hmm.
Right.
Jake (43:55)
Who am I when I maybe am not able to hold up the level of health and wellbeing that I often feel is required for me to be my best self? What does that look like? How can I really trust and lean into that enoughness no matter where I am in that place of like, you know.
Gabrielli LaChiara (44:08)
Mm -hmm.
Jake (44:22)
Hygiene you might say and so I'm just like yeah, that's just a piece. I'm like feeling right now
Gabrielli LaChiara (44:29)
I love that you've given yourself enough experience to be caring for yourself that way. I mean, that sustenance and roots that you're building so that you can show up for this stretch, you know, and it'll be a stretch to shake up some of that regulatory, you know, self -care, you know, and, you know, comes with this little body that you're going to take care of is an immense soul and an infinite being.
Jake (44:51)
You
That's me.
Gabrielli LaChiara (44:59)
And you will derive care from the beingness, the actual connection to that much more life force, not only yours, not only your wife's, but a whole baby's life force that I find phenomenally allows us to have periods of times where we can give up other needs. We didn't even know we could give up. We didn't know. I used to say, I had no idea how much I could self -sacrifice. I just had no idea what I was capable of.
You know, I really didn't until I had my baby and I was like, wow, I'm way more capable than I thought. And no, I wouldn't be that capable for just anybody. And no, I can't sustain that permanently. I needed reset buttons and support and ways to return to my care. But there's this glorious journey of being embodied communion, you know, that
Jake (45:32)
Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (45:54)
I think will really help you navigate the new needs and the new shapes and the new forms and the new structures that you'll have that will meet being a father.
Jake (46:05)
Mm -hmm. Yeah, I really f -
Gabrielli LaChiara (46:07)
And what I would say is like drink in every minute of what you can control now in those ways, because it only helps. It helps to just love that you know how to do that and to do it well while you can, you know, it's like, it's definitely infrastructure and good resource.
Jake (46:23)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, it's a beautiful reminder. It's like, there's new bounds of my being that I'll get to witness, you know, in this next stage of what is possible.
Gabrielli LaChiara (46:34)
Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's mind -blowing. It's mind -blowing. And where you can't, again, where you're not enough and you can't handle it, I just hold and hope for you that the community around you shows up, you know, and that you get to ask for that help or you get to live compromised for a little longer than you expected and still be okay, you know, and that there'll be other ways to manage that and find resilience if you just can't get certain needs met and...
You know, those are the questions I think it's like, what does it take to show up now was a question I had to ask every minute. You know, it's like, okay, now again now and, and how about now, you know, cause, I think the only way I could do it was to just realize that every minute it was a new opportunity and not to try to put a pattern in place that I could control, you know,
this week look like this week and then the next week look different. And yet the same in some ways too.
Jake (47:34)
Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (47:34)
Yeah, I love your challenge. Your challenge is the like, I feel kind of on a deep scale, maybe, I don't know, you know, my story is that your challenge has to do with like, what kind of out of control can also still be safe? You know, where can you surrender and find a different form, a different route of safety that you maybe haven't had yet in your world?
Jake (47:58)
Yeah, and I now from this session, I know that that golden winged kind of being I see as a new support or a new way to to really, you know, to build a build, build that into my practice when I'm in that place of of seemingly like little to no resource like, can I call that in as a way to
Gabrielli LaChiara (48:18)
Yeah.
Yeah, and what do my wings know that I need? And what do my wings want to give me today? And how are they going to support me as I struggle? What resources do I have that I haven't allowed myself to receive? These are good questions, right? It's like, wait, where is the resource? How can I pull in energy that isn't the finite body energy, but is like that supply, resource of my aliveness? And how do I use that to create?
what I need inside my form or to help me get through the moments where I can't get what I need. Because even now you have those, like those happen anyway, even if we're doing a good job taking care of ourselves, you know. Yeah, I really appreciate the conversation and I feel like I could have this conversation a thousand times with you because I think it's juicy for.
I often think about like, we often want more in our lives. Some people want more money, some people want a home, some people, and then we get it and it always comes with more responsibility, right? And change. And even if it's the fantasy of what we think is gonna help us, even in a situation where it's like, if I had this thing, I would just feel better. I still have to be responsible for it. And when I grow myself, when we grow my reality, I grow my responsibilities and I hear you.
Reaching for that like how do I grow my ability to be that much more responsible for myself? You've learned it here. You've learned it with your wife and and your work and now you're gonna learn it with your child And I don't think there's any reason why we would imagine you can't learn it because you've grown already so many times, right? Like It's just it is the next one, you know the next chapter
Jake (50:06)
Exactly. Yeah, I think the deeper part of myself realizes that, you know, this is exactly, you know, what's needed to happen for me to move that step closer into being in right relationship with my life.
Gabrielli LaChiara (50:15)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, it feels amazing. I really honor your choice and your exploration around it all. Yeah, I'm gonna just do another activation just to hold our space and then we'll see if there's anything else you need before we close up. But feeling like I just wanna activate that divine essence beingness of you and meaning to just allow us to bring even more attention to where you are both a body.
Jake (50:31)
Thank you.
Hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (50:51)
and to being a soul, a divine energy, an earth source yourself. We're gonna activate alive that communion, body being, soul, spirit, earth, divine you, however you use those terms or not. And as we activate that alive, we bring that, all that energy through the center of your whole entire body, your whole entire beingness, and extend you into yourself. You're a tiny little body in the center of a resource.
And that resource is also you. It's an infinite supply of consciousness that guides you and being you that we all have, that every animal has, everything has from my perspective. We're all embodied in essence, embodied in energy.
I'll activate all of that, bring it through the center of you and extend it in and around and through as the resource to being you as life changes.
and to knowing, feeling, and honoring that you're already a father. You're already changing and shaping yourself. You're already having the feelings, sensations, information, and connection to the soul, to the body growing in your wife's body.
and you're all ready.
in relationship to the next now.
and activate change and generate healing.
Thank you. Is there anything else you'd like to share or a name or any takeaway from today that'll be helpful to save it before we close?
Jake (52:39)
Well, just feeling the ways I've dove down and up and down and up. And I definitely feel like there's some sense of cleansing and awakening in my body right now around what we've shared. And so just grateful for that.
Gabrielli LaChiara (52:56)
Mm -hmm.
Jake (53:07)
we'll be soaking that in while it's here.
Gabrielli LaChiara (53:10)
Right, right.
Jake (53:13)
drop into, I'll drop back into the fear here and there as we go, but now having this new element of support that can show up and like, yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (53:14)
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it would be ridiculous if you didn't get scared. Like, I worry about the not getting scared. Like, it's appropriate. It's so appropriate. And I think, like, one of my practices over the years was to ask, you know, if my body and being are always in communion, like, what would I know today? And I used to ask that, like, 30 to 50 times a day, just to be like a mantra I was doing in the shower, you know. It's like, well, what if they were in total communion? What would I know? And what happened is it started to shape the fact that I would
Jake (53:27)
Yes. No, absolutely yes. Yes.
Gabrielli LaChiara (53:53)
forget for less long, if that makes sense. Like, you know, that when I was in my fear, when I was out of feeling anxious or just flat or disconnected, I'd be like, yeah, but I do know that. Cause it's, cause I already, I've been building that muscle, you know, to know. And the question was a way of like remembering that I don't have to forget that I'm always connected even when I don't know it, you know? So you'll, you'll play in whatever helps with that. And I'll get you this recording too, in case you want to re -listen.
Jake (54:15)
Mm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (54:21)
at any point and just be reminded of your process and have a new one. You get like a million sessions out of one. You'll answer every question I ask differently next time. Really, you get to do it again and again. It's just such a lovely process, you know? Yeah.
Jake (54:32)
Are you real?
Yeah, this has been beautiful, Gabriella. I really appreciate you. Yeah, have a lot to feel into over the next couple months.
Gabrielli LaChiara (54:42)
Thank you. Thank you.
Yeah, when is the baby due? When is the technical due date? Awesome.
Jake (54:55)
14th.
Yeah, my wife's just hit the third trimester now and it's healthy and baby's healthy kicking around and everything and yeah, they're gonna be a firecracker from what we can already feel so
Gabrielli LaChiara (55:03)
Hmm.
Good. Great.
Right, they're already talking. Well, anything you need, anything she needs or you need. And, you know, I've dual -ed births and been part of people's lives and helped people raise their children and done all the things. So, you know, my work runs all those gamuts too, and I'm happy to support you in any way that might be helpful along your path here. And also just happy to know you for this moment, if that's what it is. And I really appreciate your, just your deep kind of
Jake (55:22)
Well.
Gabrielli LaChiara (55:41)
willingness to explore these facets. I think it's not easy to name and be witnessed and the parts that are scared, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.
Jake (55:53)
Yeah, thank you. I felt able to go there, at least to the degree that happened. But yeah, I'm sure with more work in sessions, it would deepen even further.
Gabrielli LaChiara (56:08)
Yeah. Yeah, you're amazing. I appreciate you. And so thank you so much for sharing on the journey.
Jake (56:16)
Yeah, yeah, it's really nice to do that
Chloe's Convo About Jake's Episode (56:25)
Just wow, wasn't that such a beautiful session to listen in on? I was just so moved by so much of what was spoken about and the healing that came. And I wanted to talk about one part that really stood out to me. It was around, I don't know, 16 minutes in or something when she really guided Jake into feeling into that place and his.
belly. And he dropped in and was like, wow, this is a place where I actually feel really, I mean, I heard almost like I feel okay, like I actually feel a strength here. And I feel, you know, some resilience and a real power even is what I was hearing in that. And, and then Gabriele goes to talk about body and being consciousness. And
And he was speaking about that beautiful image of being like a small child and then this, you know, kind of bigger part of himself with the big wings coming and wrapping around this child and holding it. It was such a beautiful, beautiful image. I was literally in full, full body shivers and had tears in my eyes as I was, as I was listening to this part. And I really wanted to just break down this framework of body and being consciousness for a moment. And
Also just really, as I'm doing that, I invite you to feel in your own experience of life. Do you know those parts of yourself where it's like, okay, yes, I can be freaking out over here or having this really hard experience in my human form, but there is a part of me or, and even some people might call it a, you know, a higher self or a feeling of like, wow, I'm, I can feel this other part of me that's really,
still very grounded and resourced and in my power and has that deeper faith even. And so as I'm speaking, just really inviting you to feel into that experience in your own life if you've had it. And of course, if you're not at all sure what I'm talking about, no problem. Sometimes it really does take just a naming and a starting to really feel into and notice and like, huh.
Do I have that infinite being? What is that part of me and what does it feel like? And so in this work, we have this framework, body and being consciousness. And body consciousness is really what it sounds like. It's the body, it's the finite form of the body, this tiny little speck, if you look at it in comparison to the whole world and the whole universe, right? It's the physical form.
It's sensation, feelings, thoughts. It's the pain. It's the beliefs. It's the structural system of the genetics. That is body consciousness. And really, it's quite simple. It's basic communication network is through sensation, whether that's pain, whether that is feelings or thoughts, whatever, you know, some people have
a louder body in pain and other people have louder thoughts. So it could be different for each person and which ones really stand out for you as the sensations and the communications from that body consciousness. But it's pretty simple. And in this work, we really think about the body, this tiny finite form, as at the center of an infinite being.
infinite resource. This infinite being is the place of intuition, of perspective, of awareness, of deeper knowing. A place where in that session you heard, you know, him really go to a place of like, and yet here's a different perspective. Here's a different way of holding this for myself. Here is a place where I might even feel like
lit up or bright or like, wow, there really is a lot of wisdom here for me. And it's really that place of trust and connection to faith and resource in a different kind of way than we might feel if we're in our body consciousness. And also the body consciousness in this particular episode, a lot of what he was talking about was fear, fear being a sensation that the body is communicating with.
And yet if we feel into like, whoa, what is my infinite being communicating through this sensation of quote unquote fear that's in the body? I say quote unquote fear because maybe it's just a sensation that feels like fear. But sometimes I've even felt fear and I've sort of asked that question like, whoa, what is my infinite being trying to communicate through that body sensation that I'm naming as fear?
And sometimes that stirs and I'm like, my gosh, that's not fear, that's excitement. Or that's something else that's rumbling, but since our body is such a simple communication network, we might attach a meaning onto that sensation without that actually being what it is. And so with this exploration, I just find it to be so incredible when I start to feel like, whoa, right, wait.
If I truly am an infinite being and a body, then what would I know? Like, how would that impact me? If I had this infinite resource, it's like the greatest parent ever, you know, who has all the information, the intuition, the knowing that you may ever need in your life. And so in that session, he talks about the wings wrapping around the child, and I sort of felt like,
wow, that felt like being consciousness to me, like that really comforting, holding, calm, compassionate part of himself that he could access that gave him a broader perspective that was able to lens out and be like, whoa, right, and I do have resource here. And there might actually be a part of me that knows exactly how to be the most amazing parent that I can be and that I might actually
no more than I think, you know? So I really invite you to feel into your own life. Like where is it that you might be struggling or stuck or feeling like really stuck in that this is what it is or this sensation, you know, this pain, I have this whole story about it and what if it's like, whoa, let me feel this pain for a minute. Could be a pain in your knee. It could be a thought that keeps circling around.
and to really sit with that for a moment and ask yourself, like if you really were an infinite being and a body and that those were working in communion together, in harmony together, what would you know about that sensation? Who would you be? What would you know? And activate change and generate healing immediately.
Thank you so much for sharing this time with us and for listening in on this powerful, powerful session. And we will see you next time.
Chloe's Convo About Jake's Episode (1:04:33)
saying a huge thank you to Allie Halpert, who's the amazing musician who wrote the songs that you hear in this podcast. We have had the privilege to be able to sing some of Allie's songs in our retreats and workshops, and they've been really powerful additions to our work with people. You can hear more of Allie's music and check out more about Allie on Allie's website, Allie Halpert.
That's A -L -Y -H -A -L -P -E -R -T dot com.