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with Basma Awada
Unknown Speaker 0:00
You're listening to local programming produced in K, U, N, V studios. The content of this program does not reflect the views or opinions of 91.5 jazz and more the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, or the Board of Regents of the Nevada System of Higher Education. Understand.
Unknown Speaker 0:42
Is what what's up, everybody?
Unknown Speaker 0:44
Hello.
Unknown Speaker 0:45
How's your day going?
Unknown Speaker 0:47
Migrate my day? Great. I almost, am i Great? Because the day is such.
Unknown Speaker 0:52
Wesley's got some great news for us today. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 0:54
well,
Unknown Speaker 0:56
he's like, Yes, I gotta.
Unknown Speaker 0:57
She starts the show before I have my my mic,
Unknown Speaker 1:00
I will, we'll start. We'll start it. No, you're good. No, you
Unknown Speaker 1:02
don't have to. I like that. It's a little bit jank, yeah. No, I've, I have great news, mostly not like it's news, news, but long story short, there is a girl at a record store that I've been crushing on for quite a while, and we were whenever I go in there on the like, random occasions that I do lately, I haven't had the great various luck of like, her being there. So I was like, Oh, I'm bummer, but whatever, I'm there to buy records and whatever else. But today, friends, but today, but today, I went and she was there, and we talked a bit, and she we're hitting it off, as we always do. We have I've met her before. We've talked for a while, so it's not like we're strangers, strangers. That's great news, but yeah, so basically, she was just like, Oh, hey, you should, you should message me on Instagram. And I was like, Yep, I will do. Will do. I'm not the type of person to be like, Hey, girl, let me slide in your DMS. Like, that's not me. Like, I'm just, I'm really low key, I'm a dork. I'm like, the kind of person where, if I really, like, want to talk to somebody, or get to know somebody, I feel like I won't shut up, like, I'll be like, I want to share so much about a bunch of stuff that I like or about myself. Yeah, and I get, I feel kind of dumb, like I get ahead I put the card in front of the horse, because I'll be like, I'll be like, yeah, yeah. Like, asking about herself, but then also, like, you're interested in other things and also, like, I overthink. I just overthink everything. Well, no, I
Unknown Speaker 2:24
honestly don't think you're overthinking a little bit, just because it's when you meet someone new. A lot of the times we end up talking about ourselves, like you said, we feel like we're talking too much. Yeah, it's good to ask the other person more questions.
Unknown Speaker 2:38
The thing is, like, it's, I know people are always just like, Yeah, well, ask that person about themselves, and it's like, I do want to do that, but I don't want to be like, an interrogation. You know, that's what I mean. Like, I just, I I'm curious, I'm interested, right, right?
Unknown Speaker 2:52
I do, I don't. I
Unknown Speaker 2:52
don't want to accidentally be like, invasive, yeah, you know I mean, because, like, I'm like, I have, like, no, no harm, no foul. Like, no, no malice, right? No malice where I'm coming from. But like, someone I'm just meeting doesn't know that, so I feel like I have to be like, extra, like, certain about, like, making sure I come off the way that I mean to, yeah, that's the overthinking. That's the overthinking because I don't want to blow
Unknown Speaker 3:15
it, and that's why it's good if anyone's ever going on a date, for both parties to, like,
Unknown Speaker 3:19
ask their credit score. Don't do that. Yeah, exactly. Ask your
Unknown Speaker 3:24
Social Security lever. No, but having them both ask questions is awesome, and not just for relationships, like just for in general, like meeting new people. It's like, you don't want to just be like, Oh, hi. What's your name? Yeah, oh, my name is blank, and then they'll not ask you a question back. Is like, okay, I
Unknown Speaker 3:39
guess. Yeah. My thing is, like, analysis, like, analysis paralysis, like, I will want to ask so many questions, and it'll just be like, again, it'll I'll just be like, it'll feel like, Oh, I'm just gathering information on you, and it feels weird, but I'm just like, No, you're cool. I just want to hang out. If they're
Unknown Speaker 3:58
like me at all, if you were to, like, to come up to me and ask me a question. I will just volunteer information in the legal system. They will ask you questions to, like, insinuate that you're guilty, and then, like, some people are not guilty, but they sound guilty because of how they responded in their own
Unknown Speaker 4:15
Yes, yeah, that sucks. And cops are also legally allowed, are legally allowed to lie to you during, oh, during interrogations, because they'll be like, you ever seen that where, like, you know, they'll they'll be in the room, and it'll be like the other side of the table with the guy, and then, like, the one or two cops that are, like, watching them or talking to them, they will lie. They will straight up just be like, Oh, we have all this information. We have ways of getting this information. Other people have already talked you might as well already tell us they're and they're lying. They're they're making regardless of where they're, I was like, wherever they're, regardless of where they're at in the investigation, if anywhere, um, they're allowed to say whatever they want in in pursuit of some kind of confession. Have you seen that video
Unknown Speaker 4:57
of like, that lady that. Yeah, her car was driving on the freeway, and then someone like, went right in front of her and then hit their brakes, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 5:05
yeah. I've seen that, yeah. They tried it, yeah. And then they tried to act like they tried to act like they they were hit. And then the second that they turned around and saw the Dash Cam, they tried to act like nothing happened,
Unknown Speaker 5:16
yeah, yeah. So in those moments people, there are people who can get away with that, even though they, they like, straight up lied, and it's like proof. I think it like depends on the situation, but I haven't, I don't have an exact example of that, but I do think that, especially if she did not have a dash cam, that would have been a very bad situation.
Unknown Speaker 5:32
Oh, yeah, no, no, because that's exactly what those people that do those um, like frauds, yeah, um, when they, when they go to do fraud, that's like, the one thing they like, I guess they just have to hope that the person doesn't have a dash cam. Yeah. And it's
Unknown Speaker 5:46
always scary, because then, like, what if, like, you were interrogated, and then the way that you're defending yourself, because you're in shock, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 5:51
you're nervous. You're like, I got hit. Like, oh
Unknown Speaker 5:53
man, I don't know what to tell you everything,
Unknown Speaker 5:55
I think, but yeah. And the thing is, is, like, because of these, like, the when people do, like, try to do, like, insurance fraud, like that, especially when they do stuff like that, it's like, it's he said, she said, If you don't have a dash cam, but then also, at the same time, because it's like an illogical thing to do, right? So it sounds like, despite being the victim, you're the one who's crazy, because you have to do exactly that. Something crazy happened. Oh, these people pulled up in front of me on the freeway, stopped, intentionally backed up. Yep, you
Unknown Speaker 6:23
got it exactly like we Yeah, the person will sound crazy just by explaining what. No
Unknown Speaker 6:27
one would do that. Yeah, actually, it did happen.
Unknown Speaker 6:30
Oh yeah, yeah, proof because my dash cam, yeah, it happens when we're younger too. Like, I think it depends on how we explain or defend ourselves. Depends on how we defended ourselves when we were younger. Oh
Unknown Speaker 6:39
yeah. Or that doesn't help me at all. It doesn't help me at all.
Unknown Speaker 6:42
How did you defend yourself when you wanted to play your Xbox when you were younger? I
Unknown Speaker 6:47
was like, Nintendo.
Unknown Speaker 6:49
Um, no, Nintendo DS.
Unknown Speaker 6:51
There you go. There you go. I
Unknown Speaker 6:53
used to play Playstation two. Or when I was younger, like at the PlayStation, I played Jack and Dexter a lot. They don't have that game for some reason at all. So I need a. Oh, you have one too. I have all three. Oh, hey, yeah, that was my favorite one. My
Unknown Speaker 7:05
My room is someone once I'll go back on answering your question about how did you deal with being like questioned or defending yourself right way younger. But I will say a side note here. Maybe 10 years ago, I had some friends over when I was working at the at the movie theater in Henderson, okay? And so I had some friends over one day, and this is at, like, not where I'm living now, but this is like, my in my old room. And they're like, you have a Tumblr room? I like, What do you mean? I have a tumbler room? He goes, because it's just kind of like, it's like, your bed, your desk, your entertainment center, and then it's just, like your stuff, right? Because I just have, like, all my movies are up on the shelf and alphabetized and organized. All my games and consoles are like, in a certain way and organized and stuff. My records are like that. My books are like that. Like, I just have a very like, organized, I'm not an organized person. But when it comes to like my stuff and like, the way I set my room up, I very much like, I like everything to have its place, right? Even though I'm not like, OCD about it. I just like to know, okay, this is, this is how my stuff,
Unknown Speaker 8:10
yeah, I'm the same. Everyone wants to know where. Everyone wants
Unknown Speaker 8:13
to know where this stuff is, yeah. Well, some people are more laissez faire. And I'm like, I'll set myself, yeah, I'll set myself up. And then I'll just be like, Okay, that's good, and that'll be fine. Well, I
Unknown Speaker 8:21
have a lot of stuff, so I need to know where everything but I think I always know where it is, even if it's in piles or something. Yeah, mine will just be in pilot. This section is music. This section is art. This section is,
Unknown Speaker 8:30
how do you know where anything is? It's just messes on the floor. I'm like, I know what pile. I know what image it looks Yeah, I know a pile is which you know, yeah, exactly. Like, um, oh. But back to what you're saying, like, childhood and defending myself with, like, whatever, most of the time when I had to defend myself for like, hey, this happened, or what did you do? Or how did this happen? Or this that the other I didn't have an emotionally immature parent. So imagine being young and not having all those tools in the toolbox, because, you know, you're still learning and growing and everything maturing, and then your own parent that is like, like, on the other side of these issues, whether or not, because a lot of the times, it wasn't me and my parent versus the issue, it was me, my parent versus me, and somehow I am the problem, right?
Unknown Speaker 9:14
Okay, right? Where they're saying, like, get off the game. So that, yeah, so you could focus on
Unknown Speaker 9:19
one thing, not even, like, Oh no, no, no, because that that means the problem is, I'm not managing my time Right, right? Yeah. The issue there is, oh, I'm not managing my time well, or my parent wants me to have, like, be a bit more responsible. That would be about the time management. That would be about the video games, I'm saying, literally being made to feel like I myself, my existence, my personhood, okay, is the problem, because that's what happens when when little kids, like very little kids, if we're talking four or 567, have have these issues where they are getting like in trouble, or they're being punished, or they're being created. Sized, or they're being told, like, whatever the deal is by their parents or their adults or whatever, at that point in life, our brains literally do not, are not able to separate right from wrong, or no, no, not right from wrong. What I was saying more so the whole thing of like, oh, you're saying the thing, the thing in reality, or like, if reasonably, would be time management skill, um, attention skill, whatever. But when you're a little little kid, that doesn't make any sense to our brains and our bodies, when we are getting in trouble, when we when there is an issue of you're in trouble, you did this? Yes, the problem, the problem is we believe that we are the problem me, at five or six is like, Oh, I'm not in trouble because let me do what I need to to fix this. Yeah, I'm not in trouble because I mismanaged my time. And I'm a six year old, my issue is, I'm the problem. I've been the problem. This wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't me, that that's the message that gets re Yeah, gets reinforced to kids. And we really don't learn. Our brains aren't able to tease that out until, like, a couple more years after the fact, right? And if you compile, if you combine that and compile that with having an emotionally immature or in some way emotionally neglecting or emotionally withdrawn or a rejecting parent, then that only makes things worse, because then you're not learning the skills through lived experience, and you're not being taught anything. You're getting yelled at because of emotion. Yeah, and you have to deal you at whatever you know little kid age you are, have to deal with a full grown adult who the kid doesn't know any better that they're not acting like an adult, right? And that
Unknown Speaker 11:38
happens a lot, like you'll see a kid misbehaving, and then they get yelled at for something that they genuinely didn't realize they were doing wrong. Like, for example, if a kid is drawing on the wall, for example, they're like, oh, painting. I want
Unknown Speaker 11:52
to we all did that. I did that, yeah? Like,
Unknown Speaker 11:53
everyone's did something similar to that, right? Or they put makeup on their face and they destroyed their mother's makeup. I don't know, I didn't do that, but I did something like else,
Unknown Speaker 12:01
yeah. I never, like, No. I never did the makeup thing. I did the
Unknown Speaker 12:05
messy thing, like, where I would take out all the pots and pans and throw them all over the kitchen. Oh, like, we That's funny, and then do the drums
Unknown Speaker 12:12
with, Oh, that's funny. No, my, yeah, my, my stuff that I frequently encountered was what I now understand to be control issues on the part of my parent, like they needed control and wanted control, or they wanted obedience. Yeah. I mean, like, no one that mattered more than, like, teaching me whatever skill I needed, or, yeah, or pointing out to me that, oh, it's not. You are not the problem. Just this attitude slash behavior is the issue. You're good, or this choice, or this choice, like it was never taught to me as a kid, that you are not your thoughts, right, right? I understand that, yeah, and even to this day, I know that that same parent still does not have the tools in their toolbox to if they had a second, if they could do it over, they still don't have the the tools.
Unknown Speaker 13:05
I think that, like, it's important for me growing up, I like, realized that all parents, like, there's no parent that's ready, oh yeah, no, no no for parenting, because there's no way you can book. No, no, no, there's books, apparently, books, but that's not gonna tell you. Like, oh, when this scenario happens, yeah?
Unknown Speaker 13:21
Like, you can only ever plan for, like, generalities and so, like, it's not until you really, like, have you know your your kid, whether that's birth or adoption or whatever, and then you learn about them, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 13:35
And I think it's the lack of psychology research that we don't have. There's a lot of unanswered questions that we don't know or didn't know growing up in our generation, because we're we're 90s babies, so like we, we were born in a generation where psychology wasn't taken seriously. Actually, mental health was not taken was just
Unknown Speaker 13:53
starting to and it depends on where you were. Yeah, I really I benefited from having my early childhood from birth until sometime when I was seven, seven and a half, technically, where I lived in Washington state. Now, Washington, Oregon, are known for being like the two most forward thinking progressive states in the country. Okay, so that has a positive effect on all of their social programs, social services, like the soft skills, the human stuff. So, like, I had the benefit of having, like, a really great physical therapist, because I needed one in elementary school. Okay, technically, still need one, having good resources for like counseling and mental health services if I needed them. I mean, I was six years old, and I had my first grade teacher and the school nurse both sit with me and my mom and be like, we think he has ADD, do you want to get him tested? Right? And you know that doesn't really that conversation wasn't really happening, that this was, this would have been 2001 so like, this is still, like, just. Bringing up the concepts of something like add to or ADHD, as it's more commonly, just called blanketly now, like that stuff wasn't, not only was it not talked about, but like, when my mom heard that, she just goes, Oh no, no, no. He's just a happy, energetic little kid, which is true. But like, obviously, it's deeper than that, and there's more little things and little nuances that perhaps, you know, maybe trained educators and trained, uh, you know, trained staff would just naturally pick up.
Unknown Speaker 15:29
The sad thing is, at the time, because of the lack, I never got tested. By the way, they
Unknown Speaker 15:33
never tested me for it.
Unknown Speaker 15:35
I uh, well, did you go back when you got older? Um, to like, try to like, I mean, right? Or what do you what do you mean? You to go get tested? Like, no,
Unknown Speaker 15:42
because it costs money that I don't have, okay, yeah. Um, well,
Unknown Speaker 15:46
just to, just to, like, piggyback off what you said there the testing back then wasn't that great. Like, there was a lot of bad stories of people that went to therapists, said, therapists or psychologists, yeah, and didn't get the proper so there was a big stigma back then, yeah. So regardless of if she did it or not, you could have been what, I'm sure it was a very low percentage of people that were that actually were affected negatively, yeah, from the psychologist. So it would have probably helped you, because I've heard really great stories, yeah, people who have gotten therapy right, and they're great now, like, they're mentally very strong. And that's
Unknown Speaker 16:18
what I was gonna say, like, if back to what you were saying originally, was, when it comes to, like, oh, we in the 90s, we didn't really talk a lot about, there wasn't a whole lot of discourse about psychology and, like, knowing what was what really and I would, and I would, and I would raise the point that it's not that research hadn't been done, or that studies hadn't come out, or that peer reviewed articles and journals hadn't come out and were available. Not stigma, yes, but the stigma coming because how much of that research is like, kind of hidden from the public. I don't mean hidden like, nefariously, I mean hidden like, it's specialty information. We're talking about, like, study studies. We're talking about peer reviewed journals, right? We're talking about academia, yeah, a lot of academia, to this day, even, even though it's gotten somewhat better, is kind of locked behind pay walls, yeah? Because academic circles like, and then, even if you do have the access like, like us here we have, because we're alumni with, and you're an active student, right? Because we're, I'm an alumni with, you know, V even though I'm staff here, obviously. But even if I wasn't, and I was just like a former student, I would have, and do have alumni privileges. So I can go into our library and I can get into special collections.
Unknown Speaker 17:34
I blame more marketing than I do, like, the research being, like, held back, yes, yeah, because people who market. That's why I brought up the stigma. Because I'm like, people were marketing mental health as, like,
Unknown Speaker 17:43
a crazy thing, yeah, oh, you need mental health, then you're crazy. No, there were obviously, there are
Unknown Speaker 17:49
cases where people have really bad mental health problems and they need help. Yeah? They just need genuinely, they go to the hospital because they need it, yeah, and those patients, like, there's some crazy cases where they are screaming in the waiting room, where they're like, I need this drug right now because I'm in so much pain. And then so like, that adds a lot more stigma. And then they have video cameras. And at the time social media was becoming more like was growing, it was the beginning. Social media didn't exist until 2003 Yeah, it was the beginnings of social media still, so, like, when people would start filming stuff and like, so we were, we were about, like, what, like, seven, eight, at the time when social media was, like, really starting to, I mean,
Unknown Speaker 18:29
if we really want to call, like, to me, I mean, I know instant messengers and, like, chat rooms and IRC chats had existed prior to whatever I know about ARPANET in the 60s and stuff. But like, in terms of, like, our modern social media, I would think the first one would be like Friendster. And Friendster was like early 2000s it was like, oh 203,
Unknown Speaker 18:51
I never heard of that one, maybe because it was pre MySpace. Oh yeah. Oh okay, yeah. So I only heard of MySpace. Yeah, it was pretty it was like, a couple
Unknown Speaker 18:58
years before MySpace, you know, Tila Tequila, right? Good for you. Oh, no, I'm really good, because she turned out to be, like, genuinely insane. So Tila Tequila, and I know this because I grew up watching 2000s reality TV. She became one of the first, like, viral internet celebrities,
Unknown Speaker 19:15
because before Britney Spears became viral, okay, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 19:19
Because in 2000 3005 whenever it was she got really, really popular on Friendster. And this is the precursor to MySpace. Oh, okay. She got really, really popular on Friendster. I think there was, like a limit to how many people you could be connected with on on Friendster, okay? And she like, hit that. And at the time that was like, whoa. She was, like an internet celebrity before that was a thing. Oh, and if you ever saw, you know how VH one had all those, like reality dating shows where it was like a group of people, and then it was like, everybody, you're gonna do challenges, and then I might eliminate you, but like, the winner gets to date me. Yeah, suddenly the winner gets date me. One of those was shot of love. Teela tequila, okay, shot of love. They. I watched all of those because I also watched the soup. So I was, like, all up on this. And
Unknown Speaker 20:05
then there were other websites. Some of them would would flop. Some of them would actually get bigger from there. But, yeah, but every time there was a new trend, like, people would grab a mighty bit of success from those trends, yeah, kind of like, if you got there first, and that's how social media works, is like, if you know the newest,
Unknown Speaker 20:21
yeah, cutting edge of things, yeah, if you're there first for
Unknown Speaker 20:25
if you're what do you call it when someone's first? And then you like, oh,
Unknown Speaker 20:29
early, early bird gets early, early adopters? Well, no, I know what you mean. The colloquial phrases, early bird gets the worm. The the the phrase in like tech spaces and, like, online spaces, early adopters. Is early adopters. You know, that's the person that like, Oh, hey, this new niche machine is out, and it's like 10 grand, and I have it, and it's like, cool.
Unknown Speaker 20:51
I play a lot of games up there, on on there, too. When you were, when we were talking about the childhood games earlier, yeah, you were talking about, did you use games as a means of, kind of, like, getting away from, like, the real world, because you said that, like, like, because, like, I mean, obviously we all do that. But still, I was an
Unknown Speaker 21:07
indoor kid. Of course, the reason so I was a very, it's so fitting that I wound up getting a degree in Journalism and Media Studies, specifically for the media studies, because I grew up in Washington state, whether there is always cloudy, always rainy, always humid, always overcast, always wet, all right? I had asthma. I had a physical. I have physical disability where it impacts my motor, my, like, fine motor skills and, like, my coordination, right? Um, and so I was just like, primed to be an indoor kid. And I was, I do play outside, like, don't get me wrong, but I had a really great, like, apartment neighborhood. Apartment neighborhood and all my friends, and we would go out and ride scooters and have snowball fights in the winters, and, like, summertime, we'd go and run around. It was all fine, but I was mainly, like, very comfortable indoor kid, and that was cartoons, movies, TV shows, sitcom reruns and video games. And, like, I was content, genuinely content, to sit in front of my TV in my room all day, and I wouldn't be doing only one thing. I'd be like, cool. I'm gonna watch some movies. I'm gonna watch my favorite TV shows. I'm gonna, like, read this book. I'm gonna, you know, listen to this the CD that I have, because my parents had a big CD collection too. So I was just always predisposed and had the benefit of, like, all this media and or, like, media, like, a lot of media access for a little kid. So I was perfectly content to be indoors. Yeah, I
Unknown Speaker 22:30
was, it's, it's a really good like, everyone's different, but, yeah, like, like, you brought this up because you were saying about how, like, our parents kind of, sometimes might, might lecture us on something, and they made me think of when we're playing our games and we're just trying to get sometimes games are a means of escape for people, but as kids, we're doing it because we just genuinely like to have fun with it. It helped.
Unknown Speaker 22:51
It helped the it helped. It helped with the with the the avoidance. I'll say, I guess I don't know what else to call it, because, like, what can you really do when, like, adult drama is happening and you're like a single digit child, you know? So, yeah, well, I kind of all you can do is really just kind of like, pretend that you're by yourself, like in your bubble, just kind of playing video games and nothing else. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 23:14
there's other things that come into that factor of, like, why you liked to just stay in the room and just play with the video games or watch TV like there's other factors of it, reasons why, such as not being able to rely on anyone when you're like younger sometimes makes you not want to go talk to anyone, honestly, too much. Yeah, and there's other factors too, like environment and family and culture, a lot of different things. However, when it comes down to gaming, when I was younger, I always used to go to I like to go out. I like to do the gaming. I like to go out play on the playground. I love to do everything. So I wasn't really picking one thing, but like you said, I could sit for hours watching TV, or I could sit for hours playing games, or I could sit I could play for hours just playing whatever game I was doing so I would hyper focused. Oh, yeah, did you do any sports?
Unknown Speaker 24:05
The coordination kind of precluded me from wanting to do a lot of that stuff, because I was literally, like, when I tell you, I was in physical therapy. I was learning fine motor skills. I was learning hand eye coordination. I was learning how to walk without like, I walk very outward. You've seen me walk like a duck or a penguin. It used to be way worse, like I would literally be taken out of class once or twice a week from the physical therapist. This is in first and second grade and partially third before I moved and I would be learning how to throw and catch. I would be learning how to juggle. I would be learning how to, like, do, like, resistance training. Like, I remember this one time we I would walk, I walked into the therapy room, and they had, like, this big platform, like a big square platform suspended from the ceiling from the therapy
Unknown Speaker 24:54
room. I was, yeah, so you did have therapy when you were younger, too, yeah. It
Unknown Speaker 24:58
was like, at school, OH. Oh, a school physical therapist, okay, okay. And I would, I walked in and it was like a swing. It was almost like a big platform swing, okay? And she's like, I want you to sit in the center of this and I'm going to push the side of this swing. And what I want you to do is, like, hold on to one of the chains. Obviously, you're not going to fall off. And then I want you to, like, use your body weight and push the momentum against me. So I'm going to push you one way. I want you to, like, resistance train. I want you to push the other way, right, right, stuff like that, and learn how to tie my shoes. I didn't learn how to tie my shoes till I was 12. Like, I'm not even kidding. I couldn't do it. And that's part of that's part of the physical, the physical problems. So, like, I was very happy to stay indoors, because, yeah, I'd go out and play with my friends, but I didn't run as fast. I was really close. So you
Unknown Speaker 25:47
didn't apply for, like, a soccer game, or like football game. I
Unknown Speaker 25:50
played Parks and Rec floor hockey and soccer for a total of three
Unknown Speaker 25:56
years during during the time that you knew about those issues. Or, no, no, no, this
Unknown Speaker 26:00
was after I moved here. By that point. Okay, so, like, the thing is, is like me dealing with the physical therapy stuff. I'd never got more physical therapy after I moved to Nevada when I was a kid. Okay, that didn't continue in this school district. Gotcha, um, but I did do third, fourth and fifth grade, I was doing floor hockey, and then fourth and fifth grade, I did soccer both years. I didn't want to do them. My mom kind of voluntold me into doing them. And the reason I didn't want to do them is, like, I know I'm not a competitive person, like, I'm more of a cooperative person. I didn't mind playing the games, but what I didn't like is I grew up with asthma. I'm uncoordinated. I'm like, whatever situation you put me in and put me on a team, I'm going to be the worst person on the team. And it's not because I'm like, dumb or anything, but I literally, like, am not up to the same physical standard as everybody else.
Unknown Speaker 26:50
I mean, it makes sense like that you wouldn't like something if you're don't felt, don't feel like you're naturally good at it or not. You feel like you have something holding you back. Like,
Unknown Speaker 26:59
and my thing wasn't like, like, you know, like, Oh, you're gonna like, are you worried you're gonna get embarrassed? I feel like I'm gonna hurt myself, yeah, like, I used to roll my ankles so many times, dude. There was a point in early elementary school, like, first second grade, that I would I rolled my I, like, rolled my ankle sideways, like, three different times in the span of, like, nine months, and it got to the point that the school nurse, like, kept that ace bandage that she would wrap on my ankle whenever I did that, and, like, the little compression thing, just kept it in one place for me, because I kept getting I would get hurt. I would, like, accidentally injure myself.
Unknown Speaker 27:35
Yeah, so that's good that you knew what you liked and what you didn't want to get involved in.
Unknown Speaker 27:39
I really have a lot of a choice sometimes, but I pushed through it, you know, I I tried to enjoy playing as much as I could, and I didn't hate playing. But what I didn't like was, even if people were being nice to me, even if they, quote, unquote, didn't care, I was very, very self aware of the fact that I knew I was the worst person on the team, and I didn't like maybe,
Unknown Speaker 28:00
maybe it wasn't that you were bad at the game. To be good, I
Unknown Speaker 28:03
didn't want to be the worst. I think it was just
Unknown Speaker 28:05
the fact that you didn't want to be there that made you not feel, made you feel like you weren't at that game that
Unknown Speaker 28:11
definitely discouraged me, if, like, yeah, because I, I know what that feels like when you're like, screws me. But I still, I still showed up every game and did and did my best. But yeah, it really, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 28:21
it's hard when you don't feel like you want to be somewhere. I think people also can read it off of your face. Yeah. It's just surprising that your mom kind of knew that you probably most likely knew that you didn't really want to do it, and that when you guys were when you were playing whatever you were doing, yeah, and she was still like, oh, you should still try.
Unknown Speaker 28:39
And the thing is, she got the impression that I really, really liked it, but she was a kind of, like, I had the kind of adult experiences where, like, I didn't feel safe saying no. I, like, almost never have felt safe saying no to people, because when I was a little kid, that's not allowed, like, I wasn't allowed to say no to my parents. I wasn't allowed to,
Unknown Speaker 28:58
well, like you said earlier, like when we're kids, we don't have that, like, ability almost to know, oh, wait, oh, what's going on here? Like, when, when someone's like, oh, you need to stop doing this, or, Hey, you should be doing this.
Unknown Speaker 29:10
And you're just kind of, you're told, like, you're told what to do, like, yes or no, but you're not explained why, yeah, why a thing is
Unknown Speaker 29:17
and even if they do explain why, sometimes you're just like, okay, but are you listening to me as a kid? Yeah, they're not heard as much because they're not taken seriously as adults. Quote, unquote, yeah, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 29:29
exactly, exactly.
Unknown Speaker 29:40
And understand the
Unknown Speaker 29:43
concept of love you.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai