Alone But Not Lonely: Transforming Isolation into Self-Discovery

Get ready to unlock the secrets to living "Alone But Not Lonely" on the next episode of Perfect Mode with JClay and Troy Washington, featuring special guest Mizz Tiff of Conversation Starters Podcast.

We talked about what causes that lonely feeling, how to overcome it once and for all, and even learned a bit more about journaling.

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Creators & Guests

Host

JClay

JClay's music ignites a transformative experience, fostering spiritual growth, mindfulness, and a positive mindset through powerful and uplifting rap.

Host

Troy Washington

Real Estate Broker

Guest

Mizz Tiff

Girlboss during the day podcaster at night. Just living a joyful life.

What is Perfect Mode?

"Perfect Mode" invites you on a transformative odyssey to discover the extraordinary within the ordinary. Hosted by the dynamic duo of JClay, a rapper with a spiritual twist, and Troy Washington, a realtor with a mindset of abundance, this podcast is a sanctuary for those seeking to elevate their existence. Together, they explore the realms of personal growth, mental clarity, and spiritual enlightenment, offering unfiltered insights into living a life unchained by societal expectations. Tune in for your weekly dose of inspiration and embark on a journey to align with your highest self.

JClay: 00:02

If I reminded you that you are perfect, would you argue me down or step into your perfection? Welcome to perfect. Welcome to perfect. Welcome to perfect. Where there are no excuses, no expectations, and we explore the world without limitations.

JClay: 00:18

I'm JClay, rapper, and spiritual teacher, With my co host Troy Washington, your friendly neighborhood realtor, let's be real. So let's be perfect.

Troy Washington: 01:11

What up? What up? What up? Welcome to perfect mode. Welcome to perfect mode.

Troy Washington: 01:16

And first off, I wanna start by telling y'all that we love y'all. We're grateful for the opportunity to be anywhere sharing our thoughts and hopefully helping you realize that you are perfect. And the reason why I can say that unapologetically is because I know that you are 1 on 1 numero, uno. You cannot be replicated, duplicated. And the only reason you would think that you're not perfect is if you look into the person next to you and saying, I'm not them.

Troy Washington: 01:38

But you are you, and that's all you need. And, of course, it's yours truly, Troy Washington, your friendly neighborhood realtor. And I have my boy, Jay Clay, spiritual rapper and teacher. And we also got a special guest today, and I want y'all to shout out to my girl, miss Tiff. What up, miss Tiff?

Mizz Tiff: 01:54

What's up? Hey. Hey. How is everybody? I hope everybody is doing well out there today.

Mizz Tiff: 02:00

The sun is shining. It's a good day.

JClay: 02:02

It's a

JClay: 02:03

it's a beautiful day. It's a perfect day. Yes. Absolutely. Perfect day to do the perfect things on perfect mop.

Troy Washington: 02:09

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, we've got to, you know, get into this today. We wanna talk about alone but not lonely.

Troy Washington: 02:18

Transforming isolation into self discovery. Alone but not lonely. See, people be getting it confused, but, you know, Jay, I wanna know what your thoughts were today when you came up with that topic.

JClay: 02:29

Before we jump into that, I I wanna just give some announcements real quick. I wanna say, shout out to those on our Patreon. Join our Patreon. Shout out to Jeff, one of our donors. We appreciate the support.

JClay: 02:40

Be sure to do the same as well and check it out. And also, as you know, every Monday we do a 24 hour water fast. You can do the entire Monday or you can do from when you last ate today. I have not started. Sometimes I've started before the show, but I haven't started yet.

JClay: 02:54

It's a it's a good way to reset and just yeah, just just fast with us. So, yeah. And we got we got Troy's image back, which is great to see. And yeah. Let's talk about the topic.

JClay: 03:06

So you you asked, alone but not lonely, the where where it came from.

Troy Washington: 03:11

Yeah.

JClay: 03:12

Essentially, it it it it came from just hearing people having a bad reaction to being by themselves in a sense. And I and I know in some many ways I can't relate because I do enjoy solitude at times. I thought it would be a good

JClay: 03:29

way to talk about it.

JClay: 03:29

So those who might not

JClay: 03:30

see the positive side of of

JClay: 03:30

being alone or in isolation, Just talk about the positive sides of of what it can bring, and and compare it to the the feeling of loneliness just to see if we can get to the root of it and and see, you know, where we go from there.

Troy Washington: 03:47

And so I I wanna first give my thoughts on it, and then I'll go to Tiff and see what she thinks about it as well. So I think that a lot of times that, when you talk about being alone, people try to tie it to relationship, or being in a relationship with people or having, maybe just a lot of people around you. You know what I mean? Like, you know, family reunion or, being in a house, where you're, you know, you got a lot of siblings and things of that nature. But when I I think about it, I think about it more from a mental standpoint because you can be, in a relationship and be alone, or you can be or or or feel alone, or you can be around, you know, a lot of people and feel alone.

Troy Washington: 04:29

And so when I think about, you know, being alone but not lonely, that's the first thing that comes to my mind. You know, just the the what is your mental scape when it comes to it? But, Tia, what you what you got?

Mizz Tiff: 04:42

This is a a really, really good topic, and I talk to people about it a lot. Because for me, like, I can relate to, being alone, but not lonely. Right? So I was married for 17 years. So, I had kids and all those things.

Mizz Tiff: 04:59

And then I got divorced. And then once I got divorced, that's when life changed for me right so I had to figure out you know who I was and in order to do that I had to go into solitude, you know so I had to go into solitude as far as my thinking as far as you know, the people I was hanging out with, reevaluating, my relationships and all of those things. But I couldn't do that until I had to come to reality for myself and say, you know what? I'm gonna have to step back and evaluate everything. And so it took a while.

Mizz Tiff: 05:40

In the beginning, I was lonely, right? But as I did the work, I started going to therapy I realized that, you know what?

Troy Washington: 05:48

I'm not lonely. I'm just alone,

Mizz Tiff: 05:48

meaning I don't have all of these different relationships that I thought I needed. I don't have, I'm not trying to fit what society says that I need to do and, you know, things like that. So I'm still a work in progress, but I find real joy in the being alone.

JClay: 06:13

Quick quick question. Was was there, like, a defining thought or defining something that that allowed you to make that switch? Or did it just did it kinda happen? Was it gradual? Because I know you mentioned therapy as well.

JClay: 06:25

Mhmm.

Mizz Tiff: 06:25

It it was definitely gradual. Yeah. It was definitely gradual over time. It it took years for me to realize that, oh, okay. Being being by myself is not a bad thing.

Mizz Tiff: 06:39

I realized that, you know what, I am an introvert, and it's okay to be an introvert because some people think that, oh, I'm because I'm an introvert and I wanna be alone and I need my me time, it's a bad thing. I'm being selfish or I'm being, I'm active funny, and that's not it. It's okay because sometimes that's what you need. Like, you have to be who you are so that you can be who you are for other people. And sometimes we try to mask that because we wanna make the people around us happy, but you're not happy.

Mizz Tiff: 07:10

So I I feel I feel like you need to make sure that you're happy so that way you can show you know, show up for everybody and show up as your authentic self to everyone else.

Troy Washington: 07:22

Yeah. So so are you gonna say something about that?

JClay: 07:24

I'm gonna say I love that, but I but I saw you had something to say.

Troy Washington: 07:27

No. No. No. I mean, again, it's just all the thoughts that run through my mind because I I know that from Tiff's standpoint, we're talking about a, you know, a romantic relationship. And then, fact.

Troy Washington: 07:38

But I guess the thing that stands out the most to me and the thing that I kind of I kind of want to highlight, especially if we're talking about a romantic relationship. You can be in a romantic relationship and be alone. Like, if Like, if you're the one of the best things that I I I feel like you said was I had to go within myself. And so when I hear people say that or anybody say it because I've heard people say it before, I've even said it myself. I had to go within myself.

Troy Washington: 08:10

When I went within myself, that's the first time that I ever felt like I was not alone. That's the first time I was able to actually be able to, feel the presence of the people around me. See, it's one thing for me to look around and see everybody and say that I'm not alone. Mhmm. But not understand or not understanding who I am and not feeling who I am and really being lonely.

Troy Washington: 08:32

Like Yeah. And so, go ahead.

Mizz Tiff: 08:35

I was just gonna say, like, for me, the nights were the nighttime was the worst because that's when I was alone like solitude and and and had to be with my thoughts right All everybody was good. You know, the people around me, they were gone. They they weren't there, so I didn't have a choice but to sit in my thoughts and and say to myself, what am I doing? You know? I can't I'm I'm trying to make all these other people happy, but I'm not happy myself.

Mizz Tiff: 09:04

And so in order for me to be happy, I'm gonna have to let some people go or stop doing certain things. My motto is I always choose me regardless in every single situation. No matter what it is, no matter what it looks like when it comes to work, when it comes to my friendships, whatever. I'm always gonna choose me first. Right?

Mizz Tiff: 09:24

So if it's if it if it makes me feel a type of way, if I don't feel good about it, I'm not gonna do it. Simple as that. And and people, they either accept that or they move around. And if they move around, then that means that they were not for me in the first place.

JClay: 09:40

Yeah. And and I wanna read what, Loretta said. She said, yes, a long time is critical. And I agree. And and I do wanna get to the to the root because I like getting to the the root of everything.

JClay: 09:50

And one thing you mentioned, miss Tiff, was about your thoughts, sitting alone with your thoughts. Mhmm. And I find a lot of people don't always do that. And and sometimes you hear extroverts, they like being around people because they never sit along with their thoughts. They're always doing, doing, doing, moving, moving, moving.

JClay: 10:10

But my my question then is when you sit with your thoughts and when you started to sit with your thoughts, were you surprised by anything? Was it easier than you thought? Was it more difficult? It was

Mizz Tiff: 10:26

hard. Right? It was hard because it was a battle of, okay, should I be doing this? Because again, you know, I'm trying to make everyone else happy. Right?

Mizz Tiff: 10:37

And so if I'm if I'm follow what my thoughts are thinking, then that means I'm gonna have to stop talking to you. I'm gonna have to stop talking to you. I'm gonna have to stop talking to you. I'm gonna

JClay: 10:45

have to stop talking

Mizz Tiff: 10:45

to certain people. Battle within myself like, okay, is this right? Is this what I should be doing? If I let them go, is it gonna be okay? You know, I had to come to the realization that the things that I were think that I was thinking and feeling was gonna be better for me.

Mizz Tiff: 11:02

And like I said, that that took me some time. It took me some time to realize that it's okay for you to be you. It's okay for you to be who you are. You know? It's not it's not selfish or it's it's you're not being, you're not acting a type of way because you choose you, because you choose to act on who you really are as a person.

Troy Washington: 11:25

See. And and, again, this is just my interpretation of it. I guess, is it pertains to my own life. When you choose not to sit with your thoughts or you choose to, not put you in the forefront. I think that's the recipe for being alone.

Troy Washington: 11:48

Because, you know, to your point, J. Clay, as an extrovert, now I want to frame our extroverts this way or say that anybody thinks this way. I'm just saying somebody that's an extrovert that feels like they should always be out demonstrative, like, you know, being available and all of these different things when they don't have those things and they have to rely on the one person that's always there with them, that person is not there with them. That's why they feel alone. That's why they feel the loneliness.

Troy Washington: 12:19

Like, this person don't ever go anywhere. It's the

JClay: 12:22

it's like, I I in

Troy Washington: 12:23

a way that I like to think about it is whenever I'm eating a chip, the loudest thing that I can hear is inside my head. Like, whenever I'm sitting and when I'm talking to my friends, even if I'm not 100% liked in on every word that you say, there's another person in my head that's talking louder than you. But what do you think about this? What do you think about this? So the reason why I never have the opportunity to feel lonely, though I felt lonely in the past, and there have I have my my you say we're a work in process too, is the fact that that person that's always there is not foreign to me.

Troy Washington: 12:57

He's always, he he's become important to me and so because he's important and he's not foreign and I understand him and I'm listening to him and I understand like you said, my best interest like he's only telling me what I want half the time. So, you know, because he's not foreign, I don't have I never have that sense of loneliness. I'm gonna read what, Angela k Clay says. She said, there's nobody else for you to, to be but you.

JClay: 13:24

And and, Loretta also said, I love the way you honor your feelings, miss Tiff. They're that's very resonant with me. And, so so I I do have a question to to both of you then. So like, Troy, you

JClay: 13:36

you touched on feeling that loneliness, right? Like like you you when you when you sit and when you're forced to kind of be alone with yourself and you're feeling it, is it like is it a feeling of despair or is it a feeling of despair? Or is it a feeling of despair? Or is it a feeling of despair? Or is it a feeling of despair?

JClay: 13:37

Or is it a feeling of despair? Or is

JClay: 13:37

it a feeling of despair? Or is it

Troy Washington: 13:40

a

JClay: 13:45

is it like is it a feeling of despair or is it a series of thoughts going through your mind? Like like if we could define it in some way, what is it and or what did you think it was and and what did you see it for what it was later?

Troy Washington: 14:00

Well, okay. So so so two things here. What I didn't understand what it was whenever I was experiencing it. So I could be sitting around, and I can literally just feel like why is nobody not with me? Again, I'm I'm gonna use a real life situation.

Troy Washington: 14:16

I love basketball, right? I I I I mean, of course, I coach. I like watching basketball, and it's that's my thing. That's Troy's thing. Right?

Troy Washington: 14:30

But my thing, I wanted to have people to be a part of my thing with me so that way I didn't feel alone doing it. Because it's always better to do things with people that you love and people that wanna have fun with you. Right? And so because of the way that I am in my house, like, when my wife wants to watch a show or my kids want to watch something, Like, I watch anime now. I don't wanna get it twisted.

Troy Washington: 14:51

I like anime, but I didn't realize how much I like anime until my son started watching anime and said, I want you to watch this with me. So I watched it with him because, again, my mentality is you do stuff with somebody so that way you can not feel lonely. You can feel included. You can you can feel that camaraderie. Right?

Troy Washington: 15:10

Same thing with my wife. She wanna watch a show? I don't care what it is, whether it's something that I'm into or not, I'm a watch it. And I get into it like it's my show. But then when I sat back and then I I watched a basketball game and everybody's in here and everybody's doing something different, you know, playing on their phones or doing that whatever, there's a sense that a feeling that comes over you, like, why everybody ain't doing what I wanna do?

Troy Washington: 15:32

Why everybody not included in what I'm gonna do? Right? And so in those moments, I wouldn't call it the spirit, but there's a sense of I'm not connected to anybody. So because I'm not connected to anybody, really, who am I? Like, you know, what's really going on with me?

Troy Washington: 15:46

And and and so the thing that I had to tell myself was well, first of all, when I recognized it, I had to stop myself from feeling any type of way about it, first of all. Because the thing I I had to remind myself is everybody around here loves me whether they're connected to me or not. So that's that was the the the shift for myself. And then from that point, I started to remember the reason why I do watch basketball. It's because I love it like I told y'all.

Troy Washington: 16:14

And if I love something back to miss Tia's point, like, I'm following Troy. And so there's that that doesn't have to be anything included in it, and I can enjoy myself with myself and still have the outcome that I was projecting that I had to have everybody else included. So I sit in the house, and my family can be right there. And I'm up yelling at the TV, crook, doing all dancing, doing all the crazy stuff. And now I don't feel like it has to be anybody.

Troy Washington: 16:38

I'm not lonely anymore. I'm not alone anymore, and I'm not lonely anymore. And I'm with myself, and I'm enjoying it. Go ahead, Jay. Yeah.

JClay: 16:45

What what did you wanna add something to that, mister?

Mizz Tiff: 16:47

Let me yeah. And see for introverts, it's it's different. Right? So we we're in the crowded room, and our mind is saying, why are we here? Like, I'm ready to go home.

Mizz Tiff: 16:58

I I need to get away or you know? So it's like, we're trying to beat the clock. You know what I mean? Before we run run out of run out of soul our social battery runs out. You know?

Mizz Tiff: 17:09

So we're sitting there and we're we're laughing. We may be having a good time, but in the brain, we're like, okay. I'm ready to go. I I need to go to my my space. You know?

Mizz Tiff: 17:18

I need to get into my solitude. So, you know, it being an introvert, introverts should be able to accept being lonely because that's what they do. That's what they prefer. That's what they thrive off of. They thrive off of being to themselves in their bubble.

Mizz Tiff: 17:35

You know? But a lot of a lot, you know, I've met a lot of introverts that feel like being an introvert is a bad thing because people look at them like, why why are you keeping to yourself? Or why are you being antisocial? You know, they may look at it, you know, like that. And so some introverts like me in the beginning was trying to cover that up, antisocial or that you don't wanna be around them, you don't wanna hang out with them.

Mizz Tiff: 17:58

You do. You just don't wanna do it a long time or you don't wanna do, you know, too much of it. You wanna be able to go to yourself, keep to yourself.

Troy Washington: 18:13

I got a question to you about that as well from that standpoint. When you, were trying to to hide it, right? When you were deciding that, okay, being an introvert is not a good thing. I don't need everybody to know I'm an introvert.

Mizz Tiff: 18:29

Right.

Troy Washington: 18:29

The question is during that time, did you feel lonely?

JClay: 18:33

I did. You did? Because

Mizz Tiff: 18:34

I feel like I was lonely because I wasn't being true to myself. I'm trying to make everybody else happy. Right? Because I wasn't I wasn't doing the things that I wanna do. I'm going to these events that I really don't wanna go to because you asked me to go and I and I wanna make sure that I I honor you.

Mizz Tiff: 18:56

But I wouldn't honoring myself because I'm showing up for for other people, but I'm not showing up for myself.

Troy Washington: 19:03

So I I wanna tell you what's funny about the introvert verse versus the extra extrovert because I feel like I am extrovert. I don't think that I'm an introvert even though I like to be in a in a loan sometimes. But the the way that they are so similar is, for me, I was wanting everybody to be like me.

JClay: 19:25

Right? Mhmm.

Troy Washington: 19:26

I was wanting everybody to be like me. Like, I I want to, I wanted to be a part of it so that they would be a part of something with me. Right? And just try to control the situation in a way that I was gonna make me feel better. We're on the introvert side, like, you're doing the exact same thing, but it revert.

Troy Washington: 19:47

Like, you're really going to the party because you want everybody to accept your introvertedness whenever you decide to do it. I want everybody to accept my extrovertedness when I was ready to do it. Like, I want everybody to come over and be crazy with me. Right?

JClay: 20:01

Yeah.

Troy Washington: 20:01

And so it's funny that it's really the same thing. You just Yeah. How we look at it. Go ahead, Jay.

JClay: 20:06

I wanna read what, what Tommy Jones said.

Troy Washington: 20:09

She is an introvert.

JClay: 20:10

Introvert is normal for some, but could come from trauma for most. It's a place of security from outside hurt. We must know the difference and when to heal or operate safely as an introvert. So, I'll say to that that I I do consider myself an introvert or maybe I'm a extroverted introvert a a a extroverted introvert or introverted extrovert.

Troy Washington: 20:31

Real talk though. Real talk. I feel that.

JClay: 20:33

But but but but the but the thing that I am now because I because I'm very secured now, but I I don't know if I always was. Is I could be somewhere and and be secure in doing my own thing in a sense. But I will say they kinda came from practice because I remember when I was younger, people just didn't always wanna do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And it was it was kinda like what miss Tiff touched on, like, okay, are you gonna are you gonna be true to yourself? Are you gonna have fun for you?

JClay: 21:02

Or are you gonna be miserable for other people? And I think that's that's one of the the key differences, when you when you really look at yourself. Like like, see it. Do you get something for being miserable for some someone else? Like, is is that prize worth it?

JClay: 21:18

And and not why even choose it.

Troy Washington: 21:20

And and I and, just kinda piggyback on what you're saying and on what Tiff is saying. Just to respond to Tommy When he said, Being an introvert is normal for some, but could come from trauma for most. And I would tell you the trauma that we all have, not just the introvert because of trauma or an extrovert because of trauma because some extroverts are extroverts because of trauma as well. You know, just trying to, make people not see what they're trying to hide is one of the ways that I've seen it. But we're all prone to some type of trauma that's stopping us from being us.

Troy Washington: 21:56

Because at the end of the day, the finish line for us all is for us to be 100% wholeheartedly, unapologetically you. And there's trauma in us all that makes us feel like that's not our right because we all, whether introvert or extrovert, could fall in that category. And just to kinda read what oh, go ahead go ahead too.

Mizz Tiff: 22:16

I'm sorry. No. I was just saying, sometimes it's it's you're right. Trauma, but sometimes it's society. Society is can be rough for someone who cannot navigate it.

Troy Washington: 22:29

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yeah. So And and I'll go ahead, Jay.

JClay: 22:32

One thing I say, like, about, like, social media. Right? The only time I feel bad on social media is if I'm not doing the stuff that I wanna do for me or doing what I'm supposed to do.

Troy Washington: 22:43

Real talk though, man.

JClay: 22:44

I'm I'm on my mission or if I'm in my joy and my love and I see other people in their joy and their love, I'm like, man, that is awesome. Look, everybody can do it. It's great. But if I'm maybe avoiding something that I that I need to do for me and I'm I'm making excuses or I'm I'm doubting myself, when I get on social media, that's when that society hits. It's like Mhmm.

JClay: 23:05

They they have a fun, and I like to say stupid. This

Troy Washington: 23:09

is One of the things that I tell my kids, I tell my I'm telling my my kids what I'm telling myself that all the time, bro. Because don't work Brody would come to me and be like, so daddy, how how many, how many pieces of candy to T they get? And I'll be like, bro, quit worrying about him. Like, did you get like the the key here is the worry word. Right?

Troy Washington: 23:32

Mhmm. One thing that I think about Jay is when me and you went to Miami, and we we got up at 7 o'clock in the morning, and we went outside, and we sold CDs from hand to hand from 7 o'clock in the morning to, like, 9 or 10 at night. We didn't eat all day. The reason we didn't eat all day is because we were so attuned to what we were trying to do. And, again, there were people outside selling CDs.

Troy Washington: 23:56

There were you know, there was a bunch of stuff going on, and we witnessed it, but we were not watching it. And so because we were so attuned to what we were doing, we didn't worry about anything, including food. The thing that you feel like you need every day Until y'all's point, until the point that you were making, Jay, like, when you locked into you, like, for real, when you locked into you, it's not a worry. It's not a hurdle. And, the same thing with me.

Troy Washington: 24:22

The only time I feel bad is whenever I'm questioning myself based off of what somebody else does. Yep. It's that simple. Go ahead, Tim. I know you got something on there.

Mizz Tiff: 24:33

That is absolutely correct. Like, you have to be locked in with yourself, and it's it's nothing that happens overnight. It's a practice. You gotta stay on top of it because there's a lot of things around us that'll knock us off our game, you know, and make us feel like or make us question, you know, ourselves. So that's why, you know, it's constant.

Mizz Tiff: 24:52

That's why therapy is important. Or if you whatever your routine is, that's what you need to stick to for you so that you can stay on it if you you know like for me. My my job is stressful. I'm in healthcare management. So I have to make sure that I get up in the morning, I do, you know, go to the gym, have my slow mornings, whatever it is that's gonna work for me to keep my day, you know, going.

Mizz Tiff: 25:18

Because if not, then I'm a, you know, be feeling that type of way. I'm a be questioning what I'm doing, you know, whatever. You gotta be solid with yourself. You gotta be solid.

JClay: 25:29

I I don't Go ahead. Go ahead.

JClay: 25:30

What I

JClay: 25:31

love about that is just the the word choice. You gotta be solid when we're talking about solitude. And it's like, in order to, in a sense, present yourself the best of people, you kinda have to be t not not to yourself, but but by yourself and work out yourself first. Mhmm. And it is it it seems backwards in a sense, but it but it's not.

JClay: 25:51

It's like to to be the best extrovert, you need to be inverted in some way. At least be rooted in yourself in some way. And it's cool. And I and I wanna ask y'all, like like, what what are some practices? Are there some some things that someone who is just feeling lonely most of the time, like like an action step that they can do?

Troy Washington: 26:08

So I I wanna I I I go first. But before I answer the question, man, about action steps or things that you can do, I wanna highlight something you said, Jay. And I'm saying that just so that way me and Tiff can be on the same page when it come to everything. And this is kind of the way that our show always goes, Tiff. And we always gotta check ourself this way, right?

JClay: 26:29

Mhmm. You you you classified yourself as an introvert, and I classified myself as an extrovert.

Troy Washington: 26:32

And J. Clay came back and said, I'm a introverted extrovert or extroverted introvert, however you wanna say it. Right? Yep. And the reason why I point these things out is because we are all things.

Troy Washington: 26:48

You know? And and, some things some things shine a lot more than others, but we are all things, and we can be great or a competent or, you know, the best at all things. And just, again, point being, me being in solitude sometimes are my greatest times. And I know for a fact, miss Tiff has a show that y'all y'all should check out that you would not even if you were literally just thinking about introvert on the on a baseline, you wouldn't think that they will be doing the show. Right?

Troy Washington: 27:26

Right. But you're you're having an extroverted action of expressing yourself. Shouts out to my uncle Didi as well who classifies himself as an introvert, but is a whole comedian. Goes on stage and performs every week. But when he's not on the stage, he is to himself.

Troy Washington: 27:43

So I just said that to say that I love, Jay's introverted extrovert because the reality of it is we are all things. And if if I could tell you one thing oh, go ahead.

JClay: 27:54

Well, I was gonna say you you actually said an action step. I I kinda think, like

Troy Washington: 27:57

Oh, go ahead.

JClay: 27:58

Truly look at yourself.

Troy Washington: 28:00

Yeah.

JClay: 28:00

Yeah. And and when you look at yourself, you're like, wow. I I can do this. I am doing this. I am this too.

JClay: 28:06

Like, I'm this, but I'm also this as well.

Troy Washington: 28:10

And, shout out to Angela K Clay. She says, the more you know and accept about you, the better you are. And, you know, just another action step. I know, miss Tiff said, counseling and I I counsel I counsel and I've been to counseling before, as well. But I I would also, you know, one thing we push on this show, as well.

Troy Washington: 28:25

But I I would also, you know, one thing we push on this show all the time is meditate. You know, allow, be still, you know, and just listen. And you don't even have to always have an answer, you know. Just allow whatever you hear to be what you hear, and you can analyze that as it comes. But, you can go, miss Tiff.

Troy Washington: 28:46

I know you got some too.

Mizz Tiff: 28:48

Another one thing that works for me is journaling. So writing it down. Journaling. Writing it down. And my my type of journaling is I write it down and I forget about it and then I come back a month or 2 later to see my growth Right?

Mizz Tiff: 29:05

So I'm I'm I'm writing I'm writing everything, you know, how I'm feeling, you know, why I felt that way, if something triggered me, you know, whatever. I'm writing all these things down. And and after I put the pen down, I'm done with it. Until I come back, you know, like I said, a month later, and I read it again to see, okay, have I have I have I gotten better from that

Troy Washington: 29:29

from that?

Mizz Tiff: 29:29

Am I still struggling with that? What do I need to do? To be better or oh or if I if I've grown and gotten better or moved past it, you know, I think about, okay. What did I do to help me? You know?

Mizz Tiff: 29:43

So journaling for sure.

JClay: 29:45

Quick question about that because Yeah.

Troy Washington: 29:47

I knew you were gonna ask.

JClay: 29:48

A couple episodes ago, like we talked about journaling it's so effective, but but Troy and I, we don't we we're not sure how to do it effectively. So my my my question is, like, is it more like a brain dump? Is it how you feeling? Do you have prompts? Like, what Mhmm.

JClay: 30:03

How do you grow up?

Mizz Tiff: 30:04

Mine is more of a brain dump. So if I'm feeling like, if I if I'm feeling away if I'm gonna you know, kinda like meditation like if you're feeling away you, you know I go into that solitude quiet room. You know nobody there for me and my thoughts. You know, I don't have a choice but to hear, you know, what's going on in my brain and I just write it. I write it.

Mizz Tiff: 30:27

Like I said, I write what the problem is, what triggered me, why it happened, all of it. You write it, put it on paper so you can see it, black and white.

Troy Washington: 30:39

Now this is just another question for everybody that's too because I know other people had questions about the scribing part as well. And we'll tell you about savers later, but, it's a brain dump. You write how you feel. Fact that you said I analyze the problem. So you you pointed it towards something, which is I feel like is important.

Troy Washington: 30:53

But I guess the next question about the journaling is, is there a specific time of day that you do it? Do you wait till the end of the day? Do you do it in the morning? Like, I mean, I'm probably not in the morning, but is you when do you actually do it?

Mizz Tiff: 31:10

I do it as soon as it happens. Don't wait. Don't That's us. For me, I feel like don't wait. Like, a lot of people do, they're like, okay.

Mizz Tiff: 31:20

I'm a end my day by journaling. You know? But for me, by then, I might be over it and then forgot about, you know, what I'm wanting to write or, you know, whatever. So I immediately like, I I have a journal in my purse, so I immediately or either I'll pull out my phone and it's in my notes. You know what I mean?

Mizz Tiff: 31:36

So as soon as it's happening for me, I go I I get it out of my brain right then and there.

Troy Washington: 31:42

So so I I would say this and you could tell me if I'm right. This is for all the listeners as well. For you, we would say that journaling is highlight provoked. So if there's a highlight in your life, you will write it down how you feel about it, And do you actually have an action item tied to it? I know you said you forget, but do you say, like, maybe, you know, by a week now, I just wanna feel better.

Troy Washington: 32:07

I wanna this is how I'm gonna handle it. Or do you just literally just brain dump based off of that highlight? And then when I look at it again, hopefully, I don't feel the same.

Mizz Tiff: 32:15

Yeah. So so brained up, I write it all down. And like I said, once I'm done writing, that's it. That's it for me. I'm not I'm not gonna dwell on it anymore.

Mizz Tiff: 32:26

I'm not gonna address the issue like that. I'm done. Right? We we're moving on.

Troy Washington: 32:31

Yeah.

Mizz Tiff: 32:32

Right? So so for me, the point of journaling is so that I can move on from it.

Troy Washington: 32:37

I love that. And that

JClay: 32:38

that was my question. Like, were you are are you able to let go from it? What I think is powerful about that is sometimes, you know, we can vent to people and the person we've we've we're venting to, it allows them to then reflect it back

JClay: 32:51

to us on a more permanent basis when

JClay: 32:51

really it was meant to just be let go of, be addressed and let go of and Yeah.

Mizz Tiff: 32:58

Or they make it worse. Or they or they make it worse for you. Like, you know, now you you're venting to them. Now they venting back to you about your problem, And they they all worked up. Now we both worked up.

Mizz Tiff: 33:10

So We

Troy Washington: 33:10

better go with somebody now.

Mizz Tiff: 33:12

Now. Now this situation is worse. Now I'm real mad.

Troy Washington: 33:16

We're on top. We're on top.

JClay: 33:18

I I love that too because even on this topic, like, you know, like some people use venting as a coping mechanism, but this gives another way to you still accomplish the same thing, but you also get to go into that solitude and and and turn it into a strength instead of a a possibility of a burden.

Mizz Tiff: 33:33

Yeah. You you vent on paper and and and nobody else is talking back to you swing swing how you feel about it. Because you might feel like, yeah. You know what? I'm done.

Mizz Tiff: 33:42

And then somebody else might be like, no. I think you need to address it. Now you're trying to should I address it? Should I not? Whereas if you just journal it write it down because you're right then and there is how you really feel about that situation.

Mizz Tiff: 33:54

It's how you feel about that situation. So just write it down. Let it go. Whereas if you're talking to somebody else about it, they they're swaying the way you really feel about it.

Troy Washington: 34:03

So so I wanna I wanna I'm a ask you another question, but I wanna say something before I ask the question. Right? And again, this is just Troy's mentality on it. The reason why so, first of all, I love the scribing. I love the journaling, though I haven't mastered it, right?

Troy Washington: 34:20

And there's reason why we're gonna have more questions for you, I feel like, anyway. But the reason why you can feel alone or lonely, either way, is because the person that's right with you is not always there. And I'm just gonna keep saying that over and over again. Like, there's a person that's with you that's either a part of your world or not. Either you're in tune with this person or you're not.

Troy Washington: 34:44

That person is always talking in all circumstances, in all situations. And the reason why I'm pointing out the journaling part with you is because that is a confirmation that you had somebody with you the whole time. Even if that person thought different than the way you think right now. And so I I I I say that to say that if you get in tune with this person, you would never feel alone because he's he or she is always they always have your back. They always have your back if you allow them to.

Troy Washington: 35:15

And so, back to the question that I was gonna ask you when it came to journaling. And this is just so that way we can be as clear as possible because I think that your method would be helpful to people. Mhmm. You said once you write it, you're done with it until, you know, you decide to revisit and look at them. Right?

Troy Washington: 35:32

And I asked you was it highlight driven? And you said yes. So I would assume, and I'm saying this just to get clarification, you can have multiple entries in a day. So if in the morning something bothered you, you wrote it down to let it go. And then in the afternoon, when something else different came up, you'll write that down to let it go.

Troy Washington: 35:49

And at the end of the day, same thing, and you will have an entry or 3 entries during the day that maybe later down the week, hopefully, you've let those things go. And when you look at them again, it's more of a triumphant celebration that look how much I've grown from here to there. Right?

Mizz Tiff: 36:04

That's absolutely it. That is absolutely it. I can have multiple entries per

Troy Washington: 36:10

day. I love that. I love that. I mean, because, again, when you're trying to find a way to journal, there's so many different methods and so many different ways that you can go about doing it. But just having a highlight driven journal is tight.

Troy Washington: 36:24

Go ahead, Jay.

JClay: 36:25

Yeah. So so one more question about because I I don't mean to make it about journaling, but it but it does tie on

Troy Washington: 36:29

this topic so nicely. Yeah.

JClay: 36:31

Do you also because I know Troy mentioned highlights, but because it can seem like a negative connotation of things you wanna let go of. Mhmm. Do we does do you know if journaling works with positive aspects too? Like, things that you excites you? Like, oh, I I wanna journal about this too?

JClay: 36:45

It absolutely does. That's I I journal about any and everything that's going on.

Mizz Tiff: 36:46

If it's something that made me super happy, if it's something that I feel like I need to to let go, whatever. My journal is and that's why I'm thinking like, I don't have you know, I know people follow you know, journaling methods. You know there's 100 different types. I don't like they're like. Oh, I gotta go buy this type of journal I got a a spiral notebook, a spiral notebook, and I write any and everything.

Mizz Tiff: 37:13

The happy times, the bad times, the angry times, whatever it is. One thing that I did, during COVID, I, it was like a documentation. So every day, I would write what was going on with with with COVID. Right? Like, oh, today, they shut down all the supermarkets because COVID is on a rampage.

Mizz Tiff: 37:40

Right? Oh, today, they created the vaccine or whatever. So when I go back and read that I get to follow the timeline of what was going on during COVID because we we once it's gone. It's gone. We forgot.

Troy Washington: 37:51

Yeah, right. Yeah.

Mizz Tiff: 37:53

So I can go back to those journals and read like oh dang during this time. This is what was happening you know And and, for me as well, like, oh, I have anxiety around COVID. But now I'm like, okay. COVID is what it was. You know?

Mizz Tiff: 38:07

Whatever. So that's what I mean. You just you do write it and you just forget about it. Don't and, you know, and then you go back and you read it later and you're like, dang. I came a long way.

Mizz Tiff: 38:18

I I I I used to be this person. Today, I'm a different person. Or, you know, what did I do? What kind of work did I do to become who I am today? And it was like, oh, dang.

Mizz Tiff: 38:28

She used to be my friend. What happened to us? Oh, this is what happened. It's all there. You know?

Mizz Tiff: 38:34

And you just kinda it's like a victory to see that. Dang. I I don't I've come a long way. I've been doing the work. I am getting better.

Mizz Tiff: 38:41

Like, that's how you know if you're getting better or not or if you are being true to yourself or not.

Troy Washington: 38:47

So I I wanna say this, Jay. That's the reason why I chose the word highlight because that's what I was thinking. I literally was thinking that anything that stood out to you in your day, whether it good or bad. And again, I I gotta tell you that of all the different ways that I've ever heard the journal, I Love Your Way the Most. And that's just no that's no cap.

Troy Washington: 39:07

It's literally it it it gave me an answer to a lot of questions when it came to when, where, how, and what. Mhmm. I I just really think that's dope, and I I I definitely cosign that here, with perfect mode in conjunction with the, with the meditating. And, Jay, you know, what what do you think is a you know?

JClay: 39:25

What what what's funny is so okay. Again, I'll bring back while we brought up journaling, is because there's a book called, the miracle morning, and they talk about the acronym of sabers, silence or meditation, A is for affirmations, B is for visualization, E is for exercise, R is for reading, something beneficial to you, and s is prescribing or journaling. And what what's funny though about all of those things is they can help you with that that loneliness versus isolated feeling because because each of those has that thing that kind of empowers you to see yourself in a new light, to see that you don't necessarily need to be around other people to be validated, but you you could still be around them. It it just doesn't it doesn't mean it negates your worth or in any way. So I I just think that that's cool.

Troy Washington: 40:14

Yeah. And and 2, I'm gonna tell you what I like about savers. It it kinda is like a, a side life purpose. You know what I'm saying? Like, when you, bro, when I get up in the mornings now, right, because silence is the very first thing.

Troy Washington: 40:31

I have been making that

JClay: 40:34

million times, right?

Troy Washington: 40:34

Until I until I feel that way. Cool part since we did the Saver Show, I look forward to getting up in the morning to be quiet. And I also tried to see how long now it's it's it's it's a challenge because, you know, when I get up in the morning, I take my kids to school in the morning. So I try not to say anything until I see my kids first thing. So I'm just literally just laying here quiet.

Troy Washington: 41:05

I get up. I brush my teeth. I'm quiet. I put on my clothes. I'm quiet.

Troy Washington: 41:08

I try not to talk because it's something I mean, we know it's something about it. But I think that having these types of things in place give you a purpose and it makes you look forward to it. Just like when you finish exercising, I don't care what anybody says. I have never seen somebody finish exercise and not feel victorious. Feel victorious

JClay: 41:27

Yeah.

Troy Washington: 41:27

Ever.

JClay: 41:27

Yeah.

JClay: 41:28

Yeah. And,

Troy Washington: 41:29

like, never. Go ahead, Jay.

Mizz Tiff: 41:31

Yeah. And it's funny you say that, like, just going back to the introvert extra extrovert thing, the the silence, it comes easy for an introvert.

Troy Washington: 41:43

Yep.

Mizz Tiff: 41:43

Right? So for me, II purposely set my alarm a hour early so that I can have the silence.

Troy Washington: 41:52

That's cool.

Mizz Tiff: 41:52

Before I get up, before I do anything. And it might be I'm just I'm awake, but I'm just laying there with my thoughts thinking Yeah. You know, I may think about how the day is gonna go. You know, I wanna make sure today like you said, you tell yourself that you're amazing. I'm telling myself today is gonna be a joyous day because I strive to live a joyous life in every single day regardless of what I'm doing or what it is.

Mizz Tiff: 42:15

Right? So I'm like, okay. What can I do to make sure that I find joy in the day? You know, at some point in the day. So I I purposely set my alarm a hour before I I need to actually be up and moving, and I just sit in silence.

Mizz Tiff: 42:29

I I don't say anything. I don't do anything. I don't listen to anything. I don't just silence.

JClay: 42:36

It's so so okay. This brings up another thought about those that might be struggling with, you know, feeling alone, even yeah, even amongst other people. I wonder could this be a beneficial exercise to be around people but be silent? Like, be around the people that you would normally talk with, okay being around my friends and family

Troy Washington: 42:57

and not saying a word. Like Mhmm. But I know

JClay: 42:57

everyone is not like that, and and I wonder could that be beneficial to someone that's been like this, like, as a as a way to practice without having to go full fledged alone.

Troy Washington: 43:12

Bro, I'm gonna tell you, I was listening to I don't know if I was listening to, like, the radio in the car or if I was listening to a podcast. And it was a relationship, deal. And it was a guy, he was talking about him, his wife. Now, I Now I'm not for everybody that's listening that might be married or in a relationship, I'm not saying this is a one size fits all deal. I'm telling you what I heard from it, what I extrapolated from it, and how I feel about it.

Troy Washington: 43:40

He talked about how him and his wife would be sitting next to each other, but they wouldn't be talking. Right? And in that time, the first thing that came to his mind and this is to your point, Jay, you were saying, how could it be helpful? Right? What happened was the first thing that came to his mind was something is something is wrong.

Troy Washington: 44:05

We're here, and something is wrong. And the reason why it stuck out to me, and, again, this wasn't something that I was trying to listen to. It's just something that I caught. It was because there have been plenty of times where I sat with Charnay, and we weren't talking. And the first thing that I would turn her up, like, what's wrong?

Troy Washington: 44:20

What's wrong with you? Like, what's going on? What's you know, tell me what the deal is. Right? But in his thing, he went on in his, you know, his talk, he went on to say that he grew to realize that he was creating a problem within himself.

Troy Washington: 44:36

And so he stopped saying something was wrong when they were silent. And, again, it wasn't something that he got at first, but, eventually, he would just like, oh, we just we just in a good space right now. We just cool. And so, without words, the intention in his body and everything that kinda flow, his whole essence, his whole aura changed. And so now they're sitting in silence, but there's, a peaceful love is the best way that I can explain it.

Troy Washington: 45:05

Right? And so I came home and I told Charnay that this too, because I know again, I'm a person that will say what's wrong or she would tell me what's wrong too. And so we And so we told each other at that time when we're in silence, there's nothing wrong. We just chilling. And if there's something wrong, then we'll get to it when we get to it.

Troy Washington: 45:25

But that's nothing. We can't just automatically assume nothing's wrong. And, what ended up happening in time was it made me better. Not for her. Not based off of but it was based off to answer your question, can sitting in silence with somebody help you to grow in whatever way.

Troy Washington: 45:43

That my relationship with her helped me all the way around with everybody that I'm with because now I can be around other people and not have to be engaged. Again, I told you how I am. I'm the type of person that's like, I'm watching a basketball game. Let's get it. Everybody, let's get crunked.

Troy Washington: 45:58

So now, you know, all of these little things play a role in me being able to be silent around or be myself by myself and be happy. Go ahead.

Mizz Tiff: 46:07

Yeah. I like that you said that because that's something that my friends understand about me. Now these are people that I've been friends with for a long time. Like, you know, we'll go out and I'm okay with I'm I'm having a good time, but I'm sitting there. I'm not talking.

Mizz Tiff: 46:24

I'm I may not be engaging or whatever I'm enjoying the moment, but because I'm sitting there, you know some people will look at you and be like, are you okay? Are you having a good time? It's you know And I'm like, yeah. I'm I'm good. I'm fine.

Mizz Tiff: 46:38

I'll be just quiet, you know, because I'm enjoying the moment. And so my friends, they understand that about me. So when we go out, it's like, you know, just because she ain't up dancing or or doing x y z, it's good. It's okay. You know, so you've got people, the people around you have to understand that too.

Troy Washington: 47:01

But funny, I'll say this as well. Well, number 1, I told

JClay: 47:04

you I went to my wife and

Troy Washington: 47:04

I actually told her what I heard so we can kind of be on the same page. But I listened to your show when you actually talked about that too, right? So shout out to you. If y'all don't know, y'all check out miss Tipp. So conversation starters.

Troy Washington: 47:20

Right? Yes. But I but this is what I wanna say too to your point when you said, you know, other people have to accept it. Right? And it's it's to the point of me telling my wife, but sometimes people are not going to accept it.

Troy Washington: 47:35

You have to show them. Because again, the people that are around you and love you, which should be everybody that's a ringy, everybody in your world is there because you put them there. They're only going to react and respond to you based off what you've given them in the past. That's all they got to go on. And so, though they may not get it at first, somebody eventually will probe.

Troy Washington: 47:59

And the reason why they were able to figure it out with U Tip is because they broached the conversation multiple times. Are you okay? Why you sitting here looking like why you not looking like us? And they put you on point to teach them how you are. Mhmm.

Troy Washington: 48:14

And then the proof was in the pudding because you kept going. But, go ahead. I know you got something on this.

JClay: 48:19

But now even to your point, I I love that too because not every probing question has has to be a bad thing. Like, you know, like We're

Troy Washington: 48:27

a top.

JClay: 48:27

Sometimes even when people ask what's wrong, somebody might react in a negative way. Why something gotta be wrong? Why? You know what I mean?

Troy Washington: 48:35

I I love that

JClay: 48:35

that it doesn't have to be. And because it's allowing you to have a teachable moment to your environment, to the people that you wanna be around, in. Because essentially, that's what

JClay: 48:43

being silent is around people. You're just you're just being. Not even necessarily looking at your

JClay: 48:44

phone or anything. You're just, called a present for a reason. It's the present moment because it is a gift.

Troy Washington: 49:00

I'm a tell you what's what's crazy about this whole conversation. In the beginning, we were talking about how you know, it kind of sways our opinion of what we're doing and it makes us feel some type of way, right? And then the the other part to this is, you know, just using miss Tippett as the example, these people looking at her and her peace, not recognizing that it's peace and saying, why you don't look like we look? You know what I'm saying? And it it it's funny how it could play both sides.

Troy Washington: 49:39

Like, it really can play both sides because the the the the craziest thing about it, they're lonely in their state of being. So they're trying to bring you into their state of beating being even though your state of being in this instance may not actually be the most appealing to them. But the reality of it is it is the most appealing to them because they're trying to they're judging themselves based off how you are, and that's what's funny about it. It it just it's a funny, it's it's just kinda funny how that man plays both sides of the fence like that. Go ahead, Jack.

Mizz Tiff: 50:15

So I have a question. Can y'all tell can you can you look at someone and tell when they're lonely?

Troy Washington: 50:24

I don't feel like I can. I don't feel like I because I I I played that game before where I thought I knew what was going on, and I was completely all the way wrong. Yeah. I I I don't I don't know that I can.

Mizz Tiff: 50:37

People do a good job of hiding it.

Troy Washington: 50:40

Yeah.

Mizz Tiff: 50:41

People do a good job of hiding it. But then some people you can look at them and and you can tell, like yeah.

JClay: 50:48

You you know what

Troy Washington: 50:48

I'll say today? What what I'll say to that is where I can't I can't tell if somebody is lonely, what I will what I will do is and that's why I said we gotta train we train people who we are. So if there's somebody that I'm around, like, I'm around Jay Clay. I'm I'm not really around about it. I talk to him every week.

Troy Washington: 51:08

If he gets on and he's talking to me in a different way based off of historical data, I'm a be like, you good, bro? Because of what he's presenting to me. So if there's somebody around me that's they have a different kind of energy than I'm used to, then I might think that they're lonely. If they're if they're exhibiting what I would feel like is a lonely energy. Right?

JClay: 51:32

So that

Troy Washington: 51:33

I mean, I I guess that's the best way I can say. What about you, Jay?

JClay: 51:36

So for me, it's it's not that I'm trying to think how to say it because it is one, I I don't I wouldn't say I classify them as lonely, but they they might need to they might need some kind of connection or something. So, like, even even with friends, people I talk to every now and then, they might have a day where they just talk a whole lot. Of like, okay, they they

Troy Washington: 51:56

need this today for

JClay: 51:56

some reason. It's just what it is.

JClay: 51:57

And the only reason I know that is

JClay: 51:58

because every now and then

Troy Washington: 51:58

I might have a day

JClay: 51:59

where I just talk a lot when norm when that's not a normal thing, when it's just like I'm usually just being quiet. So it's so so it's not maybe not that far to to loneliness, I would say, but just needing some kind of connection.

Troy Washington: 52:17

You know, I I so I'm I'm a say this, Jay, and I'm just gonna talk about me and your conversations first of all. Because I know I didn't jumped on and I just was rolling like, hey, bro, let me tell you this. And I know you do that much sometimes too. And I said that to say this because both of us do this. We were like, man, my bad for my bad for, being on here so much.

Troy Washington: 52:37

Like, we don't gotta be apologetic for you letting it all out. You know what I'm saying? No matter what that mug is. And the only reason why I say that, but and and simply based off of the point that you made, the person receiving it sometimes can recognize and be like, they need this right now. And so, you know, just let just let that go.

Troy Washington: 52:59

That's what I that's what I would tell you. But go ahead. You got some you got some, miss Tiff, on that? Oh, you got something, Jay?

JClay: 53:06

Go ahead, miss Tiff.

Mizz Tiff: 53:07

No. I was just gonna say and that that comes with I did a, episode about friendships on my, podcast. That comes with I feel like you have to know your people. Right? You have to know your circle, know your people that you hang around.

Mizz Tiff: 53:21

Like, you you mentioned that when you talk to Clay, you know, y'all get on the you can tell when something's different about him. Right? Yeah. Because y'all been knowing each other, and you've seen the way he acts and when and you know when he's off. Family so that you can recognize, you know, when they're having an off day or when they're, you know, having a good day.

Mizz Tiff: 53:45

You know, even if you you know when your friends are super excited that something must really happen good for you. Happened? What what you you super excited today. What what happened with you? Or what happened?

Mizz Tiff: 53:53

What triggered that? Or, you know, whatever. So you gotta be in tune, you know, with our people.

JClay: 54:00

Yeah.

JClay: 54:01

And and What'd you guys say? We have, like, 6 minutes left now. I wanna

JClay: 54:05

I wanna

JClay: 54:05

recap because this is a great conversation, and I I I wanna bring it back just so people know what to do if they ever fit in this this type of way, this type of loneliness. And one of the key things that it started off with was it's your thoughts. Like sometimes you can be caught in this thought pattern where you're deaffirming yourself in a way. Like you feel like I'm not enough. Nobody's around me.

JClay: 54:26

I always help people out, but then when I need help, nobody's around. Like, all of these these deaffirming statements are are coming up. But the key is get ahead of it. Like, have something on your wall of affirming statements. Start your day out with silence with a clean slate and start to feed yourself the ideas that you want.

JClay: 54:46

Journal. Like like let it out. Like like let out all that good stuff. What else? What am I missing?

JClay: 54:53

I I think you

Troy Washington: 54:54

hit them a journaling, know yourself. I I would tell everybody, look, Jay said positive talk. You know, make sure you tell yourself the right things, right? Like, because you you you can get in a situation where you're telling yourself that you're by yourself, you're alone, you don't have nobody, all of these different things. But what I would tell you to recognize is recognize you.

Troy Washington: 55:27

That that to me, that's the one of the biggest like, recognize you. When a baby comes into this world, right, the baby can hear and see everybody around them, but only only the baby knows how the baby feels. Only the baby can, you know, recognize and, like, imagine if a baby felt a lot like, the baby knows everybody's around her, but the baby can never feel alone because the baby is processing and learning himself over and over again every day until he can start to communicate with people. And so when I tell when I when even when you have the talk, the self talk that's not necessarily the most positive, if you recognize that you are still there, you got you have a pathway for changing it. And and, Tia, what you got on on the subject you wanna lead people with?

Mizz Tiff: 56:15

Yeah. I definitely, you know, agree with that. Like, you have to it just goes back to make sure you're solid with yourself. Know yourself. Be solid with yourself.

Mizz Tiff: 56:26

So that way nobody can knock you off your game. Yeah.

Troy Washington: 56:30

Yeah. Yes.

JClay: 56:31

I'll let so be embrace solitude,

Mizz Tiff: 56:34

please. Solitude.

JClay: 56:35

Love it. Right.

Mizz Tiff: 56:35

It's okay.

Troy Washington: 56:37

Be alone. Recognize you ain't lonely. Be that baby. Then no nobody can understand what you're talking about, but everybody's still there. You and do your thing, you will be able to develop into whatever you

JClay: 56:47

wanna develop and develop into. Yeah. People around you will will mold

Troy Washington: 56:48

to that as well. Gonna come. It's your world. You know, that's big. You know, it's your world.

Troy Washington: 56:56

My I tell my son all the time, you know, what you wanna do when you grow up? And he said, I wanna go to the NBA, and I'll say, okay. Cool. What do you do in order for yourself to get there? And he said, well, you help me do this.

Troy Washington: 57:09

Mom help me do this. Your my brother help me do this. And I said, you see how everybody is helping you do everything that you need to do in order to get to where you're trying to get to? When you get hungry, you get hungry, and we do it. So it's your world.

Troy Washington: 57:21

If you re if you recognize you and realize it's your world, man.

Mizz Tiff: 57:27

That's it. Yeah. That's what I tell my kids too. I tell them my daughter's like, think I wanna do this.

JClay: 57:31

And I'll be like, okay. Yeah. Go do it.

Mizz Tiff: 57:32

And then she was like, well, what if I don't like it? I said, the good thing about it is, it's your life. You get to do whatever you wanna do with it. If you don't like it, you wanna switch directions. You can do that.

Mizz Tiff: 57:41

We're gonna switch directions with you. Whatever you decide to do, we'll come right with you.

Troy Washington: 57:45

So It's your world, baby.

JClay: 57:47

What what from a spiritual standpoint, the the joke is it's it's only you anyway because everything you interact with is your definition of everything. So it's not like it's not like I I interact with you. I interact with my idea of you. So you're only seeing yourself anyway. So it's it's not to say that it's a lonely world, but it's to show that you set the stage.

JClay: 58:07

Like, it this is this is your world, like you said, and I I think that's a a very empowering thing.

Troy Washington: 58:12

And and I'll say this, and we finna get out of here. But if you know yourself, then you will have more people to communicate with. It's just that simple. Like, because you're, like, you you and the loneliness and being alone, when you know yourself and you're trying to know yourself, it's almost impossible. But I'll say, man, we love y'all.

Troy Washington: 58:38

We're grateful for everybody joining us today. Y'all make sure y'all check out Miss Tiff, Conversation Starter. You can catch her on, you know, iTunes. Everywhere that they got podcasts, she got that thing. She even got clips on TikTok is where I found her and it didn't realize it was her.

Troy Washington: 58:54

But y'all make sure y'all support her. Her podcast goes hard. I'm a I'm a avid listener of it. And, you know, again, we just grateful for y'all. Without y'all, we wouldn't be here.

Troy Washington: 59:03

We definitely be doing something, but we wouldn't be here. And and just remember, you know, Jay, you can take us out, man.

JClay: 59:09

Yeah. Appreciate y'all again. If you found this helpful, hit the share button, like button, all that. Catch us every Sunday, same time, noon, CST. And just remember, you're a perfect creation made by a perfect creator.

JClay: 59:19

So you might as well accept your perfection and enter perfect

JClay: 59:23

mode. Yeah.

JClay: 59:26

If I reminded you are perfect, would you argue me down or step into your perfection? Welcome to perfect, where there are no excuses, no expectations, and we explore the world without limitations. I'm Jay Clay, rapper, the spiritual teacher, with my co host Troy Washington, your friendly neighborhood realtor, let's be real. So let's be perfect. Let's be perfect.

JClay: 59:53

Perfect.

JClay: 01:00:33

Perfect. Perfect.