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Mental health and Spirituality with a dollop of Comedy? We're UnBadding, Baby! One episode at a time. Dayna Pereira and Jessica Pressly, two sisters on two very different paths, explore what it means to "unbad". That Inner Critic in your head? We’re UnBadding it.. Societal pressure to make everything appear perfect? We’re UnBadding it! We’re UnBadding ALL the things, every Thursday. Join the journey! And don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!
UnBadding; A Mental Health and Spirituality Podcast
Unbadding.com
Email us at unbadding@gmail.com
Intro/Outro Music by Jenna Getty linktr.ee/jennagetty
Lyrics by Dayna Pereira
On bedding. On bedding. We're unbedding, baby. We're on a journey, baby. We're unbedding, baby.
Dayna Pereira:Hey, guys. Welcome back to another episode of unbatting. I'm Dayna Pereira. And I'm Jessica Presley. Jess, so you were over at my house on Sunday.
Dayna Pereira:It is true. And the first thing I had to do was laugh at my husband because he woke up in the middle of the night, sneezed, gave himself a bloody nose, and tweaked his back.
Jessica Pressly:It's like the epitome of
Jessica Pressly:this is 40.
Dayna Pereira:Well, the reason I had to bring it up is because last night, I slept wrong, and my shoulder is killing me, and I feel like karma came to get me.
Jessica Pressly:It did. It did. You really had a good laugh at him on Sunday, and this is your payment.
Dayna Pereira:The fact that he sneezed and then was he was like, Achoo. Ow.
Jessica Pressly:You're only furthering your karmic debt at
Jessica Pressly:this point. Quit while you're ahead. You're not gonna be able to walk tomorrow.
Dayna Pereira:It's cracking me up. I still laugh about it, but at least he had an action that led to his
Jessica Pressly:hurt. Truth. I
Dayna Pereira:just woke up and was like, ow.
Jessica Pressly:That happens to me all the time. All the time. Dave is, like, on the forever quest to find the perfect pillow. I mean, I think at this point, we have spent 1,000 of dollars in pillows because he thinks the perfect one comes at the price tag of $250. It doesn't.
Jessica Pressly:Apparently, the perfect pillow is 2 for 20 at Costco. Really? Yes. Yes. But, nonetheless, I wake up with, like, a crooked neck probably 3 days out of the week.
Dayna Pereira:I'm telling you right now, I, like, hurt myself probably at, I don't know, 3 o'clock in the morning ish. Had a hard time going back to sleep. Like, the pain in the shoulder, I was like, oh, oh my gosh. Like, you would have thought I wrestled a bear or something. I know.
Jessica Pressly:This sounds like way more intense than my, middle of the night stiff neck situation.
Dayna Pereira:Well, so what it reminds me of is that, I feel old.
Jessica Pressly:Number 1, that's what that's exactly what I thought. Yeah. You're old. Yes. Not me though because I'm like you.
Jessica Pressly:Ravishing year younger.
Music:Yes.
Dayna Pereira:But at the same time, this is the
Jessica Pressly:youngest I'm ever gonna be again. Yes. Oh, gosh. Yep. That hits.
Jessica Pressly:Like, as
Dayna Pereira:the seconds are ticking by, I'm like, whoop. There goes another whoop. There go oh, shit. There goes another one. Like, the seconds are just ticking by.
Jessica Pressly:That's so true. When you about it like that, it's like, damn. Live in the now. Yeah. You're the youngest you're ever gonna be right now.
Jessica Pressly:Now. Now.
Dayna Pereira:Now. And now. And now. Go to right. Again.
Dayna Pereira:Right now. So, okay, that brings me to another thing. Squirrel. Perimenopause.
Jessica Pressly:Oh, right. The brain fog.
Dayna Pereira:The brain fog. I just read this article that is like, and and the only reason I'm bringing this up is because it happened to me. I, for the last 2 years, have been like a, oh, shit. I'm gonna have dementia.
Jessica Pressly:Oh, yeah. I feel like that too.
Dayna Pereira:And, apparently, like, 60% of women feel that way when they're going through perimenopause.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:And I was like, oh, so I might not have dementia. That is good news.
Jessica Pressly:That is good news. And also, like, somebody help us. We're struggling over here. Who's the people that help us people?
Dayna Pereira:Listen. If a man was going through perimenopause, all of
Jessica Pressly:the things would be happening right now. I mean, years ago. Yes. Years ago. Yeah.
Jessica Pressly:But here we stand, and we will fight our battles.
Dayna Pereira:We will. And we'll complain about it because fuck you guys.
Jessica Pressly:Stop calling us crazy.
Dayna Pereira:Yes. Although I do feel a little crazy
Jessica Pressly:at times. It's alright. You're allowed to feel that way. There's not a call us that because they haven't invented a cure.
Dayna Pereira:Duality. I cannot be crazy and be crazy.
Jessica Pressly:All at the same time.
Dayna Pereira:All at the same time. Right. Those two things can coexist.
Jessica Pressly:Many things can coexist, all the things coexist, because without one, there isn't the other.
Dayna Pereira:And
Jessica Pressly:that's what we're talking about today, we're talking about duality, from a spiritual perspective, from a life perspective, and essentially that just means that everything is on a continuum and has a complementary opposite.
Dayna Pereira:Yes. And so when I feel a certain thing or a certain way, I I think that it sucks that people wanna, like, hold you to whatever emotion that you might have for a split second without realizing that you can also have that opposite emotion at the exact same time.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. I feel like that's something that I've heard you talk about before. Like, maybe that's, like, a personal experience that you've had. Do you feel like somebody has, like, held you to something?
Dayna Pereira:I think that, like, for example and and just because this is a most recent thing in my life, like, I can look at a woman and think that she is beautiful, aging beautifully. I can look at myself and think that I look beautiful and that I'm aging well, and I can also wanna do something about it.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm. Gotcha.
Dayna Pereira:And so that's, like, something that I struggle with a lot because I, I don't know. I just feel 2 ways about it within myself. And so trying to get those 2 to balance out is, like, hard. Like, trying to, like, justify both of them at the same time can get pretty tricky in my brain.
Jessica Pressly:Well, I think that a lot of us are kinda raised with this idea that, like, we need an identity, we need a title, we need to be this or that, one or the other. And so right now it just sounds like you're kind of having this, like, inner, growth around that this or that thinking. And so as opposed with being this or that, you know, it's like, I can be this and that. Yeah. And I
Dayna Pereira:think that that's where a lot of people try and hold you to something. You know? And that's when people are like, oh, no. No. No.
Dayna Pereira:You said you felt this way. And you're like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know.
Dayna Pereira:But I also feel this way.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm. And,
Dayna Pereira:like, on the Internet, especially, I feel like especially having a podcast, you and I, we dive into topics. I will forget 70% of the things that I wanna say. Mhmm. And so we put out some information. We talk about certain things, and, sure, I do feel those certain ways, but if somebody were to come back and say, oh, no.
Dayna Pereira:No. No. You what about this? I could also be like, oh, yeah. Yeah.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. I just didn't think to say that in the moment. Right. Right. Because emotions are so complex.
Dayna Pereira:Information is so complex trying to get to every little like, our show would be 7 hours long if we tried to get to every single piece of information that floated through our brain.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. I see that. I definitely see that. I also feel like whenever it comes to duality, like, as you were saying, things can be more than one thing. Right?
Jessica Pressly:Like, I think something that I am challenging myself with right now is about, like, kind of stepping more into my femininity and being a little bit softer or being a little bit more in that creative, nurturing space, getting less out of my head and more into my body. But I can't be all that all the time. It can be both. Yeah. And I can't recognize that one needs to be done if the other didn't exist.
Jessica Pressly:True. Right. So a lot of duality is also about feeling the full range of an emotion or seeing something full circle for what it is. So essentially, without darkness, we can't appreciate the light.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. It's like you can't have good days if you don't have bad days because then how would you know that it was a good day? Exactly. Exactly. Or,
Jessica Pressly:you know, there's this, like, this idea of, like, liquid and solid. Uh-huh. Right? So, like, if you can imagine, like, water and rock, if you were to say, like, which one is tougher, you'd be like, the rock. Right?
Jessica Pressly:But yet we have evidence within our own ecosystem in 1000 of years where there's water rushing next to rock and just withering and withering and withering right away. It can be soft and liquid is and still strong. Yeah. Right? Mhmm.
Jessica Pressly:So it's so many things that are opposing each other, but still, there's there's a balance in between. That's the goal. Right? The balance in between. But but there's 2 sides to every coin.
Jessica Pressly:There's there's 2 there's an opposite to every side.
Dayna Pereira:You know what this is reminding me of? We're gonna get a little pop culture y here. If you saw the Barbie movie, this very much reminds me of America Ferrera's big speech in the Barbie movie, where she's like, women are expected to be this and that. Mhmm. And all it's true, but sometimes we are this and that.
Dayna Pereira:Sometimes we are the, you know, nurturer, and sometimes we are the go getter. Sometimes like, it just it's all about embracing the balance of things. Mhmm. The thing that I think sucks with that speech, though, is that that's what is put onto us. It's not allowing us to figure out what we are.
Dayna Pereira:It's saying you have to be one of these things.
Jessica Pressly:And also, the judgment that goes with it. Like, you have to be a stay at home mom and take care of all your kids, and you have to be a go getter and a career woman. And there's judgment if you choose 1 or the other. And so, I feel like in that scene of the movie, such a powerful scene, it was very emotional because we as women, we feel all of that. But if we're given space, and and it doesn't matter if other people give us the space, right?
Jessica Pressly:This is what we're trying to practice. It's about giving yourself space within. If you give yourself the space to be both and accept the fact that you are both, that's where the balance, I feel like, comes in.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. I was reading up a little bit about duality, and one of the things that like, an example that they had given that really kind of hit home for me, and I'll kind of make it my own, is, like, your kid turning 18. And the happiness and the excitement of watching your child grow into an adult, and then the sadness and the, like, like, the not wanting to let go and the, like, can't believe that this has gone by so fast. And letting both of those things exist at the same time because well, shit. It's a wide variety of emotions going on there.
Dayna Pereira:I spent so much of my life raising this person up and watching him grow into this person that he is today, and also, holy fuck, I spent so much of my life. Right. You know? And so we experience duality in every single thing that we do if you think about it. Oh, definitely.
Dayna Pereira:There is always a yin and a yang to everything that we do. Absolutely. And
Jessica Pressly:I think that one of the. The big things too, is like in that yin and yang, part of acceptance is like deciding, like, I see both sides and where do I choose to focus my energy? Right. So of course, in the example that you gave is like, we'll keep going with that. Like, you can sit and wallow in your sadness and become depressed if you give all your attention to that.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. You can be elated for your kid and and supporting everything that he's doing, and you can be all in that. But then you would be denying this other part of yourself.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah, that's going to come out eventually.
Jessica Pressly:That's gonna come out. And so it's like, when you can see both sides and accept that, then you can find somewhere in the middle where you reside, and not kind of give it all to the sad part, or give it all to the all to the darkness or all to the light.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. And I think that's an important thing. I was just having a conversation with another mom, and, like, her sadness came out unexpectedly one day. She was like, I don't know. Just all of a sudden, I was like, oh my god.
Dayna Pereira:My kid's growing up, and he's gonna be leaving the house, and he doesn't spend any time with us anymore. And and I was like, oh god. That is so like, that's what can happen. Things fester and they bubble up, and then they come out at unexpected times whenever, you're giving too much to one side. Like, if you're focusing on, you know, only the good right now, and then the bad is creeping up, and they're like, No, no, no, no.
Dayna Pereira:We still feel this way.
Jessica Pressly:Right. So as you're talking about that, one of the things that I can remember is, like, Like whenever I feel really happy for somebody, that something really good is happening for them, but also feeling really sad for myself that that thing isn't happening for me. Mhmm. Whenever I mean, Dave and I were married for 6 years before we became parents. And in that 6 years, we watched friend after friend after friend after friend, get pregnant and have kids, maybe even get pregnant and have their 2nd kid, or 3rd kid, and so it was like, gosh, I had so much happiness for them, But at the same time, every time I watched a friend celebrate that pregnancy, it was a reminder that I didn't have that thing.
Jessica Pressly:And so I felt really bad about that, and I really wanted to hide that part of me. And I think that a lot of grief got stuck in my body because I didn't allow a full expression of that for fear that, I would appear selfish or that I wouldn't be able to celebrate my friends, like life accomplishments. Yeah. And so in that, it just kind of reminds me to say, like, if I'm accomplishing something that I know somebody close to me wants to do or is struggling with, or if there's something naturally in my life that comes to me that somebody I know and love is struggling with. Like, I wanna be able to create space for them to feel that without worrying about
Dayna Pereira:me. Well, because we're we're taught, to feel guilt Mhmm. Over not, you know, celebrating somebody else or or, you know, their accomplishments or whatever. Like, we have to feel guilty if we don't do what society tells us that we need to feel in that moment. Right.
Dayna Pereira:And that's not fair because as they're teaching us all of this guilt, they're forgetting that every other person in the world feels the same thing. We do have those two sides. Right. And so, like, when somebody does something that is, like, really great or something that I want in my life, I can feel jealous. I'm allowed to have a little jealousy.
Dayna Pereira:I'm allowed to have sadness, and I'm also allowed to have excitement and celebrate those people.
Music:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:But also allowing myself the time and the space to feel it and then release it, I think, is really important. We talk all the time about how important it is to feel all of the feelings. Right. We shouldn't be suppressing them. And I don't think that it is a normal thing for us to talk to other people about the bad feelings that we might be having in that moment.
Dayna Pereira:Like, let's say, I don't know, my best friend, ends up with a movie role. I don't know. I'm trying to think of something that I might be jealous about. Right. Nobody says it's okay for me to be like, oh my god.
Dayna Pereira:That is so great. I'm so excited for you. Let's say I was going for that movie role too. Right. And they got it.
Dayna Pereira:Where is the space that me and that other person can be in together that I can be like, I'm so excited for you. I'm also really, really sad for me. Right. And I think
Jessica Pressly:that, like like, in this example, both people are feeling the same thing just in reverse. They're like, gosh, I'm so happy for myself, but I feel really bad for you at the same time. Right? And I feel like, if that was just expressed or talked about or acknowledged, right, then and I think in most cases where one person has something that's knowingly, another person is envious of, If you're in a loving relationship, there's room for that.
Dayna Pereira:You know? There's room for
Jessica Pressly:that within the relationship. But, yeah, I just think that it is possible to be able to feel both of those things in that example, in many examples.
Dayna Pereira:Well, you know, another thing that I was just thinking of, it's award season right now. Think about how many times when somebody is winning an Oscar that they show all of the people
Jessica Pressly:at once. All
Dayna Pereira:the faces. All of the faces, and then whenever they lose, because only one person out of the 5 win Mhmm. They have to graciously lose. And anytime somebody makes a face or, like, isn't smiling or clapping, the world roasts them.
Jessica Pressly:Right. Like, where's the space for them to be able to feel the disappointment?
Dayna Pereira:Yes.
Jessica Pressly:Like, ah, man. Alright. Good job. But damn.
Dayna Pereira:That. Totally.
Jessica Pressly:Like, totally.
Dayna Pereira:I worked really hard for 10 months too on a film, and I acted my ass off, and I really, really wanted to when I wrote out a speech just in case. Right. It's in my pocket. It's burning a hole in my heart right now.
Jessica Pressly:And I know that this camera's on my face, and I have to look stoic as fuck.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. And now I have to graciously lose. I have to do, like, the Joey smell the fart face. You know? Like, it's there should be like, it's okay to be disappointed.
Dayna Pereira:Cameraman, stop panning to the people that lose. Maybe just
Jessica Pressly:focus on the person
Dayna Pereira:that won, and let the other people wipe away a tear or 2.
Jessica Pressly:Totally, totally. Allow them the space to feel what they're feeling, too. Yeah. So we had a situation last night. I had to take Shay to a doctor's appointment, Dave had to pick Jordan up and take her to soccer practice, And, you know, I'm doing my thing with Shay.
Jessica Pressly:We're getting things done, cooking dinner, blah blah blah. Well, I get a text from Dave, and he's, like, coming in hot with Jordan. I'm gonna need some help. Everything was great at practice. Shit's hitting the fan.
Jessica Pressly:Uh-huh. And I'm, like, Okay. And so she comes in. She's a little hot.
Jessica Pressly:He's Yeah. He wasn't lying. She was coming in hot. But, you know, she needed
Jessica Pressly:a little different energy to help stabilize. So kids are in bed, the night happens, and Dave and I are sitting on the couch, and, you know, he's just like really trying to, like, think through this situation. Right? And he's like, you know, like, you know, it was like this, and and she was really upset, and then she was she was getting out of her seat, and she was kicking her legs, and she blah blah, and it was going on and on. And and I had been doing some, reading about duality, and in that moment, it just kind of came to me, and I was like, I mean, look how much energy we choose to give to the negative.
Jessica Pressly:When she had an entire day of things that went really great, an entire practice where he was, like, so proud of her that she, like, played her little butt off and was doing really good, but yet here he is for over an hour thinking about this 20 minute space and time where like things made him feel so uncomfortable. And so when I brought this to his attention, he was like, God, you're right.
Dayna Pereira:It's so
Jessica Pressly:easy to give all that energy to the negative whenever you're not looking at the full circle, right? It's like you just wanted to see that one side, you're so asphyxiated on that one side. Mhmm. And so I think a little bit of awareness whenever we feel ourselves going down a space, whether it's like And it's hard, right? Because it's like when it's elation, when it's happy, it's like, Yeah, do it, commit to it.
Jessica Pressly:But whenever it's on the flip side, if it's something negative or that hurts, when we want to commit to that, I say, feel it, own it, but don't allow it to fully engross all of you. Come back to center and come back to the balance between the 2.
Dayna Pereira:You know, it's funny. You know that I'm a pretty superstitious person, or at least I used to be until they gave me meds.
Jessica Pressly:And then I realized I had OCD. I realized
Dayna Pereira:I had OCD. So something that I used to do was if I had a really good morning, I knew that my night was gonna be shit. And if I had a really bad morning, I knew that my night was gonna be great. And it was the weirdest thing that I would do to myself because I had the power to make them both of those things. Right.
Jessica Pressly:Totally. I was like, woah.
Dayna Pereira:That yeah. But that is how it went in my head every single time. Another thing that I would do is, if something was considered unlucky, break a mirror, black cat, go under a ladder, whatever, I would make them good luck in my head. And so it was. Isn't it just that easy?
Dayna Pereira:But if I shave my legs on a Tuesday, like, lookout world, I'm about to fucking have
Jessica Pressly:a meltdown. Shit's about to fall apart.
Jessica Pressly:All the mirrors are breaking.
Dayna Pereira:It's but it's so funny to me how much power I had in those moments of having a good day or a bad day. If I only had a clean shirt that, you know, I thought was a bad luck shirt, I was gonna have a bad day. And I know that people are probably listening to this and going, why didn't you just wash your clothes? You have to understand, I lived in an apartment where you needed quarters for a washing machine, and I was a single mother that lived paycheck to paycheck. I didn't always get to wash my clothes when I wanted to wash my clothes.
Jessica Pressly:I'm over here thinking that is not what I would be thinking if I was listening to this.
Dayna Pereira:What you don't think that somebody like, if I was like, all I had left was one shirt
Jessica Pressly:Was my unlucky shirt.
Dayna Pereira:Was my unlucky shirt, and people would be like, what what the hell? Just don't wear your unlucky shirt. Just go wash your clothes.
Music:I don't
Dayna Pereira:think people would think that
Jessica Pressly:I think I was more so thinking like, just wear the shirt.
Dayna Pereira:Oh, well, OCD brain.
Jessica Pressly:Just wear the shirt. It's not unlucky.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. Or, you know, wear the shirt and maybe you have a good day, and then you're like,
Jessica Pressly:this is my lucky shirt. Make your Karma has evened out.
Jessica Pressly:I've paid all my karmic debts
Jessica Pressly:from wearing this one unlucky shirt.
Dayna Pereira:This damn one lucky shirt. But, yeah, like, I've had so many moments of, like, that was the only control that I had in my life. I just find it very interesting now.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. I got, like, a little lost in thought. And I was like, do I have any unlucky shirts?
Dayna Pereira:Do you have any unlucky shirts?
Jessica Pressly:No. I don't have any unlucky things.
Dayna Pereira:Do you have any, like, like, rituals or, like, things that you've done that you've considered lucky or unlucky? No. I don't think I Or is that just me?
Jessica Pressly:I I mean, I have a lucky number. Yeah. You know, I like like things that add up to 3.
Dayna Pereira:But, like, if if something adds up to 3, are you like, oh, it's gonna be a good day?
Jessica Pressly:Or Well, like, for instance, when we bought our house, the address added up to 3 and I was oh, this is the house. I felt secure in that decision, so I was like, yeah, this is a good one.
Dayna Pereira:Well, see, I do like signs like that. Like, when we bought our house, there was a praying mantis on the fountain, and I was like, the zips, the house. It's the house. Sign the papers.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. Yeah.
Dayna Pereira:That praying mantis right there told me so. But if you were to try and explain that to anybody else, like, I had to buy the house. There was a praying mantis. They would be like
Jessica Pressly:buy the house. All the numbers added up to 3.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. Exactly. People would be like, you're an insane person.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. I think people probably do way more insane things than that. I think I'm pretty sane. Yeah. Yeah.
Dayna Pereira:Well, you know, shave your legs on Wednesdays Saturdays. You'll be fine. That would be,
Jessica Pressly:like, overachieving in my department
Jessica Pressly:twice a week. Good lord. It's wintertime, girl. It's high
Dayna Pereira:expectations. Is do you like is your leg hair soft now? Like, has it grown to the point where it's soft?
Jessica Pressly:No. I just give no fucks. Duality. Yeah. Once upon a time, I gave a fuck.
Jessica Pressly:I shaved my legs every time I was in the shower. Now, no. Oh, no. No, no, no,
Dayna Pereira:no, no. I definitely don't do that.
Jessica Pressly:But, you know, I'm sure my family would would appreciate a a twice a week attention to detail.
Dayna Pereira:Well, I mean, that's another thing with duality, and, I mean, weird segue, but but it's like, when you're dating somebody, the things that you do, and then when you are comfortable in your marriage with somebody. I remember somebody saying something about butterflies and how, like, they still give me butterflies. And I was like, ew. I don't want butterflies with my husband. I wanna feel comfortable and secure and safe.
Dayna Pereira:Butterflies mean you have anxiety.
Jessica Pressly:Butterflies means you're holding in a fart.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. You would hold in that fart because
Jessica Pressly:you'd you do not feel comfortable.
Dayna Pereira:You are not comfortable. If if you're still getting butterflies, that means you're nervous. Your nervous system is out of whack. I do not want butterflies with my husband. I want the opposite of that.
Dayna Pereira:I wanna walk in and barely notice he's there.
Jessica Pressly:Mission accomplished.
Dayna Pereira:And, also, like, like, I wanna be comfortable in the things that we do. Right. But in my younger years, those butterflies meant you were feeling something. There was a spark. There was a oof, you know, like and that is duality, my friends.
Jessica Pressly:It is. It is. I feel like oftentimes when you talk about, like, relationships, there is, like, this kind of when you've been with somebody, my husband and I have been together, August will be 17 years. And so, like, there's times where you're like, Ugh, you know, it used to be like this or it used to be like that. And you kind of, you know, remember and fantasize about the newer couch and literally have no words and not even consider the fact that you have not spoken to this person next to you because you're There really is.
Jessica Pressly:It's one of my favorite things. Like,
Dayna Pereira:There really is. It's one of my favorite things. Like, when I was dating, no way somebody would see me without makeup on. Right. Not a fucking chance in hell.
Dayna Pereira:No way was I farting or pooping. I'm a girl. I don't do that. Mhmm. And then you get married, and the doors open.
Dayna Pereira:The poops are flowing. Yep. I mean, not flowing. I don't have bowel issues.
Jessica Pressly:It's considered within the realm of normal.
Dayna Pereira:The normal consistency of poop is happening most of the time.
Jessica Pressly:So while we're on the subject, do you leave the door open?
Dayna Pereira:Usually my husband's not home when I'm pooping.
Jessica Pressly:Oh, okay.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. I
Jessica Pressly:have, like, a really strong reaction to the door being left open when somebody's in the bathroom. I'm like, can you please shut the door?
Dayna Pereira:No. No. And I don't want my husband to have the door open either. I ask him to shut the door also. I also have a very strong reaction to the smell.
Dayna Pereira:I'm like, I don't wanna smell your shit. That's why for me, having 2 toilets at my house, like, in the master bathroom is my favorite thing in the whole world. Yeah. Mhmm.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. I came home the other day, and, I dropped the girls off. Sorry, honey. And he is, like, sitting there with the door wide open in, like, the front bathroom, which is, like, right in the middle of everything, really. It's, like, right around the corner from the kitchen, the living room.
Jessica Pressly:And he's, like, trying to get in this in-depth conversation with me, and I'm, like, now, no, you need to shut the door. We can talk about this another time I'm not having a conversation with you while you're sitting on the toilet. I'm sorry. You got
Jessica Pressly:to shut that door. I'll see you later.
Dayna Pereira:Yes. I think that's a fair conversation to have. Yeah.
Jessica Pressly:I mean, I know some couples, they just let it ride. They're having life conversations on the toilet, but for me, it's a no go.
Dayna Pereira:So this is funny. And, so Brimstone, the guy that I do the dirty little secrets club with, his wife will walk into the bathroom and sit on his lap. Mhmm. And I was like, Danielle, you love him in a way that I can never love my husband.
Jessica Pressly:I mean, that makes me think of my children when they were little. Like, they would come be, like, trying to be in the bathroom, and they, like, come sit on my lap. Mommy, I want you. I'm like, can I have 5 minutes, please?
Dayna Pereira:They just have their they're just, you know, they she just doesn't care. That's not something that bothers her, and I find that fascinating.
Jessica Pressly:Fascinating is a really nice way to put it.
Dayna Pereira:No. It is fascinating to me, and I'll tell you why. And it goes back to how everybody is different. The things that fascinate me are how I could look at a human being and be like you are a beautiful specimen of a human being. And another person could look at that same human being and be like, ew, what are you talking about?
Dayna Pereira:Right. That fascinates me. It fascinates me that I can eat cilantro, no soap taste. That is fascinating. Else Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:Can eat cilantro and taste soap. Like, how it fascinates me that I don't mind textures when I'm eating sushi or whatever. And somebody else is like, if you put a piece of fish near me, I will stab you in the eye with a fork. Every
Jessica Pressly:All those things I understand.
Jessica Pressly:But sitting on the lap, I'm still stuck there.
Dayna Pereira:You can't sit you can't wrap your head around it.
Jessica Pressly:I mean, I can. I get that all people like all sorts of things. I I respect that. I see it. I I trouble digesting it.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. And that's one of the beautiful things is that if you don't like sitting on somebody's lap while they're taking a poopsie, you don't have to.
Jessica Pressly:I just have a hard time believing that Brimstone takes poopsies. Oh, no. He takes
Jessica Pressly:dumps. Exactly. That's where I'm stuck.
Dayna Pereira:Yes. He definitely doesn't take a cute little poopsie.
Jessica Pressly:No. He does not. I mean, I don't know, but I'm assuming.
Dayna Pereira:Danielle listens to this. So hi, Danielle. I'm
Jessica Pressly:sorry. And I love
Dayna Pereira:you. But yes, that I like that there is duality within yourself. There is duality within your relationships, like duality it's just, I we don't pay attention enough to it, I think.
Jessica Pressly:Well, I think that when you do start paying attention to it, the beauty of it is, is that when you can see the full spectrum Mhmm. You understand that it is a continuum, and so you can't stay in one place. If you're in a tough spot and you see that there is a spectrum, right, and it's going around in that flow, like, at some point, it's gonna get good again. And then at some point, it's gonna get hard again because it's full circle.
Dayna Pereira:I think it's funny you say that too because I have come to that. Like, there are times in my life where things are just good, And I will sit there, and I have to remind myself to really enjoy the, like, simple, nothing dramatic happening, just, like, easy good stuff because something's gonna come up eventually.
Jessica Pressly:Right.
Dayna Pereira:So to really appreciate those moments of when I'm just, like even if it's not good, it's just anything. It's just okay.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:Really appreciating those moments of just alright. Hey. You know what? Nothing shitty is going on. Yay.
Dayna Pereira:Celebrate. Right.
Jessica Pressly:Right. And the other part of it too is that, like, when you've gone through dark periods and you've come out the other side and you have perspective, what I've realized is that things are happening in that darkness. Yes. Things are breaking down. Things are building up.
Jessica Pressly:I'm growing. I'm learning lessons. And so now that I've been through that a couple of times here in my time on earth, I now realize that when I'm in those dark times, I can lean on that perspective and remind myself that this is a period of growth. Mhmm. And, yes, this is hard, and, yes, it's a struggle, and, yes, there's good coming out of the struggle.
Dayna Pereira:So with duality, do you think that, like, let's say maybe you're having a hard time with something. Something has you feeling really low. Do you think to try and even that out in that moment, you should also be trying to think of the opposite emotion of what you might be feeling right then? Or do you think it's just kind of a sit with it and feel that, and then maybe later try that out?
Jessica Pressly:I think for me, it's a sit with it with the understanding that I'm gaining something from feeling this way. Yeah. You know? So, like, not necessarily, like, sitting here and, you know, a couple months ago, I was in a really tough spot. And not to say that, like, you know, I waved a magic wand and everything is better, but I had some shifting going on within that has allowed me to sit here today and still be in the same situation, but it's like I can I can sit with the emotion and understand that, like, I'm experiencing this in this way because I have something to learn?
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. And allow for that to take place. Yeah. Because oftentimes what happens when we have something to learn is that we want to rush the process. Just teach me what I gotta know.
Jessica Pressly:Just let me heal what I gotta heal. Let me get the fuck out of here. Yeah. And what happens in that is that you might do some of it, you might learn some
Dayna Pereira:of it, but, like, you didn't learn all of it, and then you gotta go back. Yeah. I get that. There's something that I used to do with my kids, and, I mean, nobody knows if you're parenting right or not. So whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, I don't know.
Dayna Pereira:But whenever they would get into, like, a fight where they were, like, name calling or, you know, doing something mean to each other, I would make them stop, and then I would say, okay. Now I want you to sit and think of 3 nice things that you wanna say to him after you just called him a fat asshole.
Jessica Pressly:You know? Right. Right.
Dayna Pereira:Now what's the opposite of that? And I am just putting that together now, that that is part of duality. Mhmm.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. Unknowingly, you were teaching it.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. Right. I mean, it was forceful. They were not Shot.
Jessica Pressly:Trying to. No. They weren't like, yes, mommy. I do love my brother.
Dayna Pereira:You know what? In reality, he's a pretty swell guy. Exactly. Gee whiz, mom.
Jessica Pressly:Exactly. So when you were saying that, like, something came to mind for me. It's like this idea of good, bad, right, wrong. Oftentimes, whenever we look at a continuum of something and we look at the opposites, we have a tendency to label one as good or right, and the tendency to label the other one as bad or wrong. Solid point.
Jessica Pressly:And whenever we sit in a place of duality and we can see the full spectrum, removing those labels is super helpful. Yeah. Super helpful. So whenever you're feeling, let's say, depressed, because who wants to feel depressed? Ugh.
Jessica Pressly:It's hard. Right? Yeah.
Dayna Pereira:Depressed is bad. Uh-huh. Depressed is wrong.
Jessica Pressly:I don't wanna feel that. Joy is good. Joy is right. Mhmm. If you can take a step back from that and not look at either of them as good or bad or right or wrong, then I don't know.
Jessica Pressly:I feel like you're able to remove, like, maybe detach a little bit from this, like, judgment of what you should be feeling. Yeah. Right? Like, if I'm, like, why am I so depressed? Why am I so down?
Jessica Pressly:This is so bad. I'm judging myself. So not only am I feeling bad, but then I'm adding a layer of judgment on top of it. So if we can take a little step back and remove those labels, and even in the things that easily are to say, like, this is right or wrong,
Dayna Pereira:stealing. Right. You know, right? Stealing.
Jessica Pressly:Right, wrong, you know? Yeah. The labels only exist because the opposite is there. Yeah. I don't know.
Jessica Pressly:I don't know. Whenever I was thinking about, like, the the depression thing and and it being good or bad, it just then made me realize how much we we add to the struggle by judging what we're experiencing.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. And I think that it's important too. Like, we come in here every week. We talk about, you know, different subjects. Whenever we're talking about this, I think that people should realize that we put this into practice, like, 15% of the time.
Dayna Pereira:Right? Because we can't be somebody that is continuously doing all of these things. Like, I am a human being that acknowledges that I need to be better at being present. I need to be better with duality. I need to be better with balancing this and that or, you know but I only put these things into practice when I think about it, when I'm intentional with it.
Dayna Pereira:There's a lot of things going on in life that we can't always be doing, you know, the work a 100% of the time. If I've got 17 things on my mind, like, oh, I have a pasta night for this kid, and this kid has a game, and I have to wash the uniform, and then I need to you know, like, life does just happen.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Music:And
Dayna Pereira:I think that if you're listening to these episodes, and you're putting these things into practice some of the time, then you're ahead of the game. And, like, that's what this is all about. I think that, again, we can use that judgment and be really hard on ourselves. Like, oh, gosh. I I scrolled, Instagram for a half an hour today, and I said that I wasn't gonna do that, that I was gonna be present to her, and then you beat yourself up for it.
Dayna Pereira:Instead, think about that intentional not scrolling that you did for 3 hours after that. Right. Or, you know, like we do tend to focus on the negative. And I think that if we are putting the things that we want to into practice some of the time, if we're making the effort and being intentional about it some of the time, then then I think we're doing alright.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. And to your point, it's like when you think about it, you do it. Uh-huh. And when you're aware of it and you're you realize that maybe your actions are out of alignment with your heart or what you want for yourself and you adjust it, you're you're you're putting it into practice. Yes.
Jessica Pressly:Now, if you're sitting there and you're like, I know I should be doing this, or I want to, practice forgiveness, but then you don't put that into practice, you know, then maybe you need to settle up with yourself a little bit. But I think that, like, when you notice and you're putting things into practice, you are you're putting your best foot forward. You're trying your absolute best to be a better person and to add love to our world, and and that's what it's about.
Dayna Pereira:Well, you and I have said before 10% better. Right? We're just trying to be just teeny tiny bit better, and eventually, you get there.
Jessica Pressly:That's right.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. Well, guys, I hope that this coming week, you can put into practice any of the things that you've gotten from these episodes. If there was something that you loved and you wanna share it with somebody that maybe could use it too, we would appreciate that. Absolutely.
Jessica Pressly:You can go ahead and share, leave a review. Mhmm. Love a review. A couple stars. 5, to be exact, would be great.
Dayna Pereira:If you give us a couple, I will hunt you down. She said what she said. I can be soft
Jessica Pressly:Okay, everybody. Thanks for another week with us. Until next time. We're on batting, baby.
Music:Unbedding. Unbedding. Ing. We're on batting, baby. We're on a journey, baby.
Jessica Pressly:We're on
Music:batting, baby. We're on batting, We're unbatting.