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Tap to send me your reflections ♡ Self-abandonment can often feel like a hidden force, quietly pulling us away from the very practices that could ground us in our most challenging moments. Have you ever wondered why we neglect meditation, journaling, or even a simple walk when they could help us the most? In this episode, we unravel the complexities behind these behaviours and explore how fear of confronting deeper issues keeps us from self-care. By shifting our perspective from "letting go...
Tap to send me your reflections ♡
Self-abandonment can often feel like a hidden force, quietly pulling us away from the very practices that could ground us in our most challenging moments.
Have you ever wondered why we neglect meditation, journaling, or even a simple walk when they could help us the most? In this episode, we unravel the complexities behind these behaviours and explore how fear of confronting deeper issues keeps us from self-care. By shifting our perspective from "letting go" to "letting be," we create a compassionate space for our emotions, allowing us to approach our fears with curiosity rather than avoidance.
Continuing this journey, we explore the uplifting power of affirmations, such as "I am worthy of this attention", as a tool for reconnecting with oneself and overcoming self-abandonment. My "Affirmations in Practice" mini-course offers a beautiful place to explore the science and practical application of affirmations - full of guidance for those eager to nurture their inner equilibrium.
As we stand at the cusp of a new year, there's no better time to set intentions for personal growth and self-care - and if this raises deeper questions for you, then I'd be honoured to explore Working together one-to-one.
Affirmations in Practice Mini-Course
Just £7 with PROMO CODE: PODCAST
https://hennyflynn.ck.page/products/affirmations-in-practice-mini-course?promo=PODCAST
***
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A space to settle in and listen, and see where the episode takes you. This inspiring, reflective podcast is an invitation to travel deeper, with compassionate self-enquiry.
Henny shares insights from her own life, alongside practices that help us connect with our inner wisdom, explore our relationship with change and find a greater sense of flow. Henny believes we all hold our own answers, so there are no one-size-fits-all solutions here. This is a space to be with what’s true for you, and to grow from there.
If you’re drawn to slowing down, listening in, and exploring what it means to live with greater authenticity, this podcast is for you. Guided by psychology, mindfulness, therapeutic coaching, flow journaling, and everyday compassion, we explore ideas that help us step further into our inner worlds, in order to shape the changes we seek in our outer worlds.
Speaker 1: I've been thinking
about this idea of abandonment,
self-abandonment specifically,
and how, when things are
challenging, we often end up not
doing the very things that we
know are going to most servers.
Welcome to the Henny Flynn
podcast, the space for deepening
self-awareness with profound
self-compassion.
I'm Henny, I write, coach and
speak about how exploring our
inner world can transform how we
experience our outer world, all
founded on a bedrock of
self-love.
Settle in and listen and see
where the episode takes you.
I'm also just really curious
about what happens when we do
abandon ourselves and how that
serves us to do that.
So I actually put a post out on
Instagram about this and
received some interesting
reflections from others that I'd
really like to share as well
and weave in to what I bring to
this episode.
The other thing I did was this
morning I journaled about it,
and I would really love to share
that journal entry with you.
So let's begin with this idea
of what self-abandonment even
feels like.
You know what comes up for you
when you think of it.
For me, when I first reflected
on it, I was thinking about how,
if I feel sad, if I feel that
something in my life isn't going
the way that some part of me
wishes it were going.
If I get distracted by those
feelings, then often what that
does is it also distracts me
from the stuff that keeps me in
balance, keeps, you know,
maintains my sense of
homeostasis, equilibrium.
So I might stop meditating, I
might stop journaling, I might
eat food that doesn't love me, I
might stop taking Ronnie out
for his morning walks, you know,
and I say I might, I mean the
reality is I do, I do stop doing
all of those things at times,
and then I notice, and then I
bring myself back and I, you
know, put, I reinvest my energy
back into myself, back into
those practices, and I feel
myself return home, for want of
a better word.
But I'm really curious about
why it is that we so often do
abandon ourselves, abandon these
practices that we know really
serve us, and so one all the
things you mention.
It's like I can't face the
situation or the thing and
perhaps fear that my helpful
practices that could take me
closer to it, which I won't be
able to cope with, or that I'm
too agitated to do them.
They feel different.
Maybe the writing meditation
feels harder, too much.
It's odd, as you know.
It helps, but you are so
absorbed by the thing you lose
your way.
I think there is so much
richness in there and I'm really
really grateful to the woman
who shared that with us and and
sent it to me in order for for
me to share it with everybody
here.
This idea that we fear that the
things that we know will help us
might take us even closer to
the thing that we're trying to
avoid looking at, or we're
trying to suppress or ignore or
turn away, and you know, or walk
and do a mindfulness practice.
What we're doing that we don't
like it will bring us closer to
that.
You know, likewise, when we
journal, the journal is a place
without artifice.
You know, the journal is the
place where we show up really
fully, and if there are things
going on that we don't like,
that we are uncomfortable with,
then it really makes sense that
we avoid journaling because we
don't want to look at the stuff
that is making us feel unhappy
in some way.
And and of course, we also know
deep, deep, deep down in our
bellies and our wisest selves
that what we resist persists.
I think it was Jung who said
that, and what that means at its
heart is that if we keep
suppressing something, if we
keep pushing something away from
us.
If we keep trying to ignore the
thing that is making us unhappy
, miserable, sad, angry, lonely,
whatever it might be, then
ignoring it isn't going to make
it go away.
What we resist persists and
actually if we turn toward it,
then it is much likely, much
more likely, that we'll be able
to heal it in some way or at
least be with it.
I've spoken before, quite a few
times about I really don't it.
I've spoken before quite a few
times about I really don't know.
I'm uncomfortable with this
phrase letting things go.
I'm not sure it's always
possible to do that, and I think
sometimes within it there can
be a kind of sense of judgment
oh, just let it go.
Whereas if we reframe that to
let it be, then we can hold
ourselves safely and hold the
thing that is uncomfortable for
us or, or you know, difficult
for us.
We can hold that safely too.
We can, you know, create some
spaciousness inside us so we're
not getting crowded out by the
unhappy feelings.
So, yeah, I really just really
love that, that reflection, and
also, I think there's something
in here that this wonderful
writer shared about being too
agitated to do them so, too
agitated to meditate, too
agitated to journal, too
agitated to, you know, to take
yourself off for a walk or to do
your yoga practice, or to sit
down with a cup of tea and gaze
out of the window, you know,
whatever it is that you know
really serves you.
And my feeling is again, of
course, of course, you know,
part of the agitation is there
because on some level, we are
afraid of something, whether
that's afraid of the feelings
that we're having or afraid of
the thing that we're having the
feelings about.
At some level, there is a kind
of sense of you know we're not
safe, and and so here becomes
again this the value of turning
toward the thing that's bringing
the agitation and checking in
with ourselves and, you know,
really looking at it very
compassionately and holding
ourselves with the deepest
compassion in order that we can
create the space where we can
write, where we can meditate,
where we can journal and
actually to bring that agitation
into the practice.
So you know, if you have a
mindfulness or meditation
practice to actually sit, you
know where you meditate and
notice all of the feelings that
you're having.
There's that lovely practice
from Tara Brack, the RAIN
practice, where you recognize
the emotions and just notice it
anger, and then breathe it out
and then notice what else is
there pain, loss, grief,
whatever and breathe it out.
And in the same way, in the
journal, we can write I am
feeling this, this, this.
How would it be if I bring some
self-compassion here, how can I
see this with more
self-compassion?
And it can help us create the
space for it and and create a
little bit of distance from it
too, without that ignoring it,
suppressing it, um, you know, uh
, squashing it, that we know
really, really doesn't work and
doesn't really help us that much
.
Um.
So I think there's something,
there's something really
important here about the, the
presence of um, what can happen.
So, you know, sometimes we we
don't even know that we're
abandoning ourselves, and I
think the the wisdom kicks in
when we recognize that that's
what's going on.
So if there is something that
you ordinarily do that really
helps you feel grounded and calm
you know whether that's sort of
going swimming once a week or,
uh, or meeting a friend for
coffee or or doing something
that's, you know, really sort of
a deep well-being practice If
you notice that you're
abandoning those things, the
moment you notice it, then we
can go oh okay, what's happening
here?
What's happening here, what is
informing the way that I'm
responding to these practices
that might be coming from the
way I'm responding to something
else in my life.
Um, there's a bit more about
this, actually in my in my
journal, uh, entry.
I'll come to that in a moment.
But there was something else
that came up um from someone on
Instagram which I I really loved
because when I was sort of
thinking about this, I was
thinking very much in these sort
of slightly kind of heavy terms
about self-abandonment.
You know it's it's a pretty
heavy phrase, isn't it?
Um, when we think of
abandonment, we think of
something sort of left, uh, you
know, alone and lonely and um,
without help, without succor,
without um support.
And yet somebody wrote um.
Two thoughts came up for them
when they read my initial post.
The first one was the joy of
pure abandonment of all the
things holding me stuck and the
fear of abandonment of myself
and what's left myself and
what's left now.
I think there's something so
gorgeous in this that within
this word and again, I think
this comes up in my, in my
journal entry we'll see in a
minute, I can't quite remember
what I wrote this morning but
how we can see that in this word
abandonment there are these two
edges to it.
There's this lost, lonely,
afraid end of the spectrum.
And then there's this, like
wild joy, at the other end of
the spectrum.
And you know, gosh, that feeling
of abandonment.
You know, when we release
everything from us and we dance
and we sing and we are the free
child you know that, that um
term from transactional analysis
where we are the, uh, this
liberated, free child that has
has no um constraints, the part
of us that that you know can
leap, uh, you know, onto a dance
floor and and hand ourselves
over to the music.
Um, we might not do it, but
we've got the part within us.
So you know, when we think
about that part, when we think
about that feeling, oh, my
goodness me, I mean, I don't
know if it's doing it for you,
but I have this utter joy, fizzy
joy inside me at this idea of
pure abandonment.
But I think there's something in
what this, this sort of
gorgeous woman, shared, which is
what can hold us back from that
is the fear of what might
happen if we let go.
So there's not only fear can
make us abandon ourselves, but
fear can also stop us
experiencing this freedom of
abandonment.
So, gosh, isn't that
interesting, I mean, I don't
know what that sort of raises
for you, but, um, for me, I just
find it.
So, I just find it really,
really interesting and and I
think there's so much more in
this that I want to explore for
myself, um, and maybe it sparks
those same thoughts for you,
even if it's just noticing, you
know, I say just like noticing
is the thing really, isn't it
Simply being aware of when those
fears arise, or being aware of
the feelings that are associated
with those fears, and then
bringing my attention deeper and
deeper into seeing, okay, so
what is actually happening here,
my darling?
What is informing what's
happening, what is informing how
you are feeling?
And and actually there's a
connected thought that if we
don't do that, if we don't pay
attention in the moment that our
awareness gets raised, for me
that really feels like
abandonment.
You know, if I consciously
abandon myself and myself, then
and I have done that many times
and, um, I'm sure you know, most
of us will have had that
experience where we're really
mindful, we're really aware of
how something um could really
not serve us or how something
else could really serve us and
we willfully choose to ignore
all the signals and stay in the
space that's not serving us.
And that brings me to another
reflection from someone on
Instagram who wrote we forget
about our loving heart and the
peace there.
And she wrote I do, as in.
I forget about my loving heart
and the peace that's there.
Meditation helps me remember
and be with myself and you know,
this just speaks to how
important it is to allow
ourselves to open that door.
You know a tiny little crack of
light that comes in through
that doorway.
We open it up and then we can
see, oh, actually, there is
something here that can really
really help bring myself back
home.
And for this beautiful soul,
it's meditation.
And she also wrote believing the
old story of the wounded child
and abandoning her too, actually
.
So also this idea that we can
be carrying these stories of
abandonment and many of us do
carry stories of the wounded
child a feeling that our needs
weren't met in the way that we
most needed them to be met at
the time.
And you know, of course, I say
this without criticism or
judgment on our caregivers.
You know most of us, most of
the time, are mostly doing our
best.
It doesn't mean that we might
not be left with some wounds
from the experiences that we had
, even at the hands of very
loving caregivers.
So this idea that actually
self-abandonment and I think
this really resonates for me
very much so self-abandonment
actually speaks to ignoring the
needs of the inner child, my
inner child.
I actually have multiple inner
children.
They have appeared at sort of
different ages, different stages
, and I care for each of them
differently actually, although
fundamentally it's all about
giving them love.
So what can help us?
I think you know that there's
some insights from what others
have shared that I've just
talked us through.
I think the other thing that can
really help us is to use
affirmations to help break
through the defamations that can
arise when we abandon ourselves
.
So I actually practiced one
this morning.
I realized that I'd stopped
taking Ronnie out for an early
morning walk and I'd been doing
it fairly regularly.
You know it was quite a
consistent habit and it doesn't
mean that Ronnie wasn't getting
walks, but it just means that he
wasn't getting the early
morning walk, just me and him,
where we go up the hill at the
back of the house and it's kind
of part of my morning practice,
um and and I lay in bed.
This morning it was, you know,
not not very early, I don't know
sort of before seven maybe, and
and I was just thinking about
this whole idea of okay, so on
some level I've abandoned that
aspect of something that I know
I cherish and really serves me,
um, and and so I I lay in bed
and I thought, okay, so what's?
What's the affirmation that
could help me re-establish this
practice, that could help me
return to this loving practice?
And the affirmation that came
to me was I am worthy of this
attention.
And I thought, well, that's an
interesting one.
So I lay in bed and I just
repeated that affirmation to
myself quietly in my head I'm
worthy of this attention, I'm
worthy of this attention.
And as I was saying it, I could
just feel this energy rising in
my body.
And before I knew it, I was up,
dressed, and Ronnie and I were
up at the top of the hill and I
was doing my morning practice to
welcome the day, the sun, the
mountains, the trees, the sky,
the earth and myself, and, and
it really felt like the
antithesis of abandonment.
It felt like, or the antithesis
of that negative aspect of
abandonment.
It felt like this real sense of
coming home and it felt like a
celebration of that other aspect
of abandonment, as in like
handing myself over to something
that I really love.
So, if that resonates with you,
if you'd really love to explore
using affirmations, I have got
a hour-long course on the
website which is called
affirmations in practice, and my
feeling was just that this
might be a really useful thing
to explore if self-abandonment
is something that you notice for
yourself or, in fact, if you're
just curious about affirmations
, so you can get the course.
It's normally 17 pounds, but if
you use the code podcast you'll
get it for seven, and that
comes with a bonus workbook
which has got some
self-reflective questions in
there for mulling over, for
journaling on or just for
jotting down your thoughts, like
you can use it in whatever way
you want to, but it will take
you through some of the science
behind why affirmations are so
useful and a really hands-on
practice of using them, and it's
also got a gorgeous affirmation
meditation in it as well that
you can listen to at any time.
To really help ground.
You bring you back to this
place of homeostasis, this place
of equilibrium that I talked
about right at the beginning of
this episode, so that then you
can turn toward yourself, your
whole self, including the stuff
that feels painful, and turn
toward the things that you know
are really going to support you
to move forward from it, really
going to support you to move
forward from it.
So I'll put links to that in
the show notes as well for you.
And then, to close, today, I'd
really love to like Iian slip to
share this entry from today's
journal.
And it began in a way that I
really wasn't expecting, and I
it's.
One of the things that I love
so much about flow journaling is
that often there are things
that we don't expect.
It's almost when we know that
we're right.
Deep in the practice is when
stuff appears on the page and
we're surprised by it even as
we're writing it.
So here is the entry
Self-abandonment.
Maybe sometimes it's okay.
In reality it will always be,
because whatever comes of it
will be useful in some way, if
not in this life, then the next.
Is there a callousness to that?
I think of Elizabeth Gilbert's
story about the woman she loved
who said do not try to help me,
because she knew she had to find
a way to help herself.
And is that part of what we
learn?
When we do abandon ourselves?
We meet ourselves in that place
that's out beyond and realize
we are not alone because we are
there, this deepening connection
with self, so many survival
stories of people being guided
and supported by an inner voice
interpreted in so many ways, god
being an obvious candidate,
something greater than us
another.
For me, it feels like it's the
truest, deepest me that is
connected to the everything.
And so there's a balance here,
as with everything, and, of
course, our most joyful goal is
to be with our whole self, not
abandoning any part and always
remembering that if we have left
a part of us out beyond, we can
always call it home.
There's also beauty here too an
abandonment being freedom, how
we can lose ourselves in a
moment, a dance, a laugh, a
communion with nature, or
another being communion with
nature, or another being ridding
ourselves of all constraints
until we are purely present.
How curious that the word
should have two such extremes.
So many words that do this,
none I can think of now.
And so how do we bring
ourselves the joy and the deep
learnings while staying present?
Well, it's in that word being
present, seeing what is
happening, because at times it
is okay to sink in.
We need to have the depth of
experience to understand our
pain, our grief, our loss, our
sadness, in order to be able to
see how to care even more fully
for ourselves.
And yet the artistry here is
not to get lost within it, not
to abandon hope, all ye who
enter here, but to remember we
always have a choice and we can
change things if we so desire.
Those words I am loved can be a
wonderful place to start.
So there we go, my darlings.
I am loved is another
incredibly beautiful affirmation
, actually, and one that works
for so many experiences that we
face into, where things are
feeling agitated, activated,
just to place our hand on our
heart and whisper to ourselves I
am loved, I am loved, I am
loved, even if you, you know,
just sort of feeling the
resonance of those words in
ourselves right now can be such
a beautiful thing, and maybe,
maybe, it's part of the pathway
back to the things that we know
really do care for us, support
us, serve us.
So do take a look at that
affirmation course.
I think you'll absolutely love
it.
It's an hour of time just for
you, um, broken up into little
10 minute segments so you can
listen to it all in one go, or
you can listen to it in little
sections.
It's an audio course, so you
can listen to it if you're
traveling or, you know, if you
have the opportunity to create
your own little mini retreat
experience in your home, giving
yourself some time and space and
attention and then, through
that, crafting some affirmations
that really really support you.
The words that we use are so
important for how we shape and
create our mindset and the
experience that we have, and
paying attention to those is
really part of paying attention
to our deep self, like being
really really present.
So that was a bit of a meander
and an exploration.
I'd love to hear your
reflections on what that raises
for you and if there's something
in there where you feel like,
oh gosh, there's something I
really want to pay some deep
attention to, then you know you
can work with me.
Then you know you can work with
me.
I offer a free one hour call
for anybody who wants to explore
what this work could be like.
I'm recording this episode.
It's right at the end of
October, early November in 2024.
And I will have space in my
diary to start working with some
new clients from the end of
January.
So now is a good time actually
to be really sort of stepping
toward this work, because we
know new year, new beginnings
even though we don't use the
language of resolutions and all
of that anymore.
Actually setting an intention
to really focus in on your own
needs at the beginning of the
year can be a beautiful,
energizing thing to do, so if
you'd like to chat through what
that could look like for you,
then get in touch.
You can just email me, henny,
at hennyflinncouk, and take a
look at the notes for that
affirmation course too, and
don't forget to use the code
podcast and you'll get £10 off
and it'll just be £7.
All right, my loves, I am
sending you a hug and a wave,
thank you.